Quotes: I love Jerry Orbach

[dwmarch]

There have been mentions that we need a quotes thread and since there were so many good lines in episode 7, I thought it was time to get one going.

There is of course the classic "this is some bullshit!" from 1x01.

Highlights from 1x07:

"You can't use booze and pills to feel better... Judy, get the pot."

"My friends didn't order the octopus."

"Panic inducing pressure is not an effective tool on people who smoke marijuana!"

"I wanted chips and it's easier to break into your house than a grocery store."

"Do you wanna be on the Dateline you cute lil sumbitch?!"

"Take it off, Mr. Wagner went to prison for looking like that."

"Well, this thing obviously doesn't work."

"Talk to my lawyer!"

 

[SoMuchTV]

“There’s a storm coming? What are you, a tiny sea captain?”

( paraphrasing from memory. If anyone has the exact quote, pm me & I’ll edit)

[jewel21]

Harry: My people shed their skin in one piece. That way, it is easier to eat.
Asta: Gross.
Harry: YOU are gross!

Asta: That part of you is still a human. I just touched your penis.
Harry: I do not mind it; it feels good.
Asta: Stop talking!

Harry: It's your fault. The ice glacier caved in because you are too heavy.
D'Arcy: OK. We're killing him.

Harry: I had 342 children, and I never worried about any of them. Now, I cannot stop thinking about number 62. It had my eyes.

Harry: They stole my ship. They know I'm stranded here. They must be searching for me. I would grow a mustache as a disguise, but then I'd have to get a job as a firefighter or a pedophile.

Harry: They have a term on earth for men who work on engines. Sexy beast. That's me. If these humans ever saw me flying my spaceship, I'd have women beating me off with a stick.

Harry: His smile makes me want to love him and strangle him. I think he has more teeth than me.

Harry: Why is she still here? How am I supposed to get into my underwear and watch Jerry Orbach with that hot ham in my house?

Sheriff Mike: Keep your hands on the handlebars where I can see 'em. Do you know why I pulled you over?
Sahar: Speed? Boredom?
Sheriff Mike: You took a left turn back there without using your hand signals. What the heck are you kids doing so far out of town anyway, huh?
Sahar: We heard bigfoot was on the loose.
Sheriff Mike: Bigfoot? What's you talkin' about? Everybody know that damn bigfoot up in Seattle. That's [sniff] Sorry about cussin' just then. I try not to do that shit around kids.

Sheriff Mike: I do like the fact that you kids are outdoors. You're not stuck inside with your face glued to some screen. That's good. Alright, now go have fun; be safe. Get that reflector fixed and get yourself some all-weather tires. And next time, you use your hand signals. You know how the saying goes, right? If you don't use your arms to signal, a truck will rip 'em right off. True story. Alright. Be safe.

Harry: This body needs ten hours of sleep to function, and your domesticated wolf woke it up before even six hours.
Sheriff Mike: Well, it must suck to get so much sleep and still look like shit.

[Harry after his first kiss with D'Arcy] Ah! It's rigor mortis! My penis is dying!

Harry: I am not alone up here. This is bad. I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles tighten. My taint remains unchanged.

Asta: Well, what you eat is important.
Harry: [laughs] I don't agree with that!
Asta: Oh, no?
Harry: No. There are ten things on here that are going to kill him sooner than eating bad food does.
Asta: Harry!
Patient: No, I want to hear. Sam never mentioned that. Kill me when? Look, I just turned 80. You can give it to me straight. How long do you think I have?
Harry: Do you like Christmas?
Patient: Yes, very much.
Harry: Celebrate it before June.

Abigail: [walking in without knocking] Is it true what I'm hearing? You think someone poisoned my Sam?
Harry: I can't talk to you right now! I am busy with the mayor doing psychological therapy!
Ben: Uh, isn't, isn't this supposed to be private?
Harry: He's telling me he's a man-baby.

Harry: This kid is a menace. He just won't give up. Where was that effort from the humans when we were helping them build Stonehenge? A bunch of idiots just sitting around drinking mead, making us do all the work. Lazy druids.

Harry: I discovered that the woman does not have cancer. I also learned that tit is not the preferred term for breast.

Harry: Whiskey. Headache. Nausea. Severe dehydration. Alcohol must not affect humans the way it does us. If it did, they obviously would never drink it.

Harry: The answer is simple. It’s nighttime. I’ll just break into that kid’s house and kill him. I’ll say one thing about whiskey: it’s allowing me to make smart, rational decisions.

 

[jewel21]

Asta: Kinda cool that I'm here with an actual alien. I feel special.
Harry: You are not special. You're common.
Asta: That's oddly less offensive now that I know you're from outer space.

Harry: Unless you know someone who has been in contact with other aliens, then I am, what is the expression? Shit out of luck. Mmmwah haha.
Sahar: If you don't stop using that kind of language around us, we're going to have to wash your mouth out with soap.
Harry: Go ahead. I like soap. I eat it all the time! Shit, ass, piss, dink. Where's the soap. I am so hungry.

Harry: The astronauts did land on the moon.
Asta: Good.
Harry: And their bodies were taken over before they returned.

Harry: Also, it's not a thing. It's a leg. You are leg-shaming me.

Louis: Your relationship with Liv reminds me of me and your mom before she up and left me.
Mike: You mean when she DIED?
Louis: I'll never forgive her for that.

Max: At least you're OK.
Harry: If Asta wasn't there, I would be dead. Except now, she knows the truth about me.
Max: You told her?! I thought this whole alien thing was our secret.
Harry: It stopped being a secret when you told your little friend over there in the head covering!
Max: She must have followed me. Don't worry. She's not going to tell anyone. She swore to Allah.
Max: Allah knows?! How many people have you told?!

 

[dwmarch]

12 hours ago, jewel21 said:

Harry: Unless you know someone who has been in contact with other aliens, then I am, what is the expression? Shit out of luck. Mmmwah haha.
Sahar: If you don't stop using that kind of language around us, we're going to have to wash your mouth out with soap.
Harry: Go ahead. I like soap. I eat it all the time! Shit, ass, piss, dink. Where's the soap. I am so hungry.

Thank you for posting this. I died. These scenes where he's trying to one-up the kids at insults except everyone involved is kinda terrible at it are absurdly hilarious.

[jewel21]

Harry: Everyone has to die eventually. What matters is the choices you make while you're alive. Killing may make humans feel strong in the moment, but what I've begun to realize is true strength comes from choosing not to kill. Maybe being truly human is about choosing to love instead. But with that love comes the pain that I feel inside me. I need to go home. Hopefully, the further I get from them, the less I will care. Finally, I will be at peace again.

Harry: Real quick. I left some pizzas in my freezer. You can have them if you want.

Harry: It's you. You are the reason I feel the joy and the fury all wrapped up.

Harry: If you think I'm afraid to kill everybody, you are dumb. I can press this button at any time. If you agree with me and I am right and you are wrong, then just sit there dead and don't say anything. OK then. We agree. Goodbye only human in the room.

Sahar: You guys are like Daredevil and the Black Widow.

Dan: You're friends with an alien, and Jay's a bad idea?

Mike: Hey, hey! It's OK to ask for help!
Louis: Look who's talkin'.