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Mrs. America Quotes

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Phyllis: It will be very much like the brilliant campaign that Eleanor led against Hair a couple of months ago.
Eleanor: That was a battle. I think the trouble was that there are two very catchy songs in the show so people would hear Age of Aquarius and Let the Sunshine In, they think it was just like Oklahoma!

Gloria: You don't seem too upset. 
Bella: I'm very upset. Look at me. I'm eating a hot dog on the grapefruit diet.

Frank: Are you afraid that if you marry me, you'll turn into your mother?
Gloria: That's a horrible way to propose.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Rosemary: What are we calling ourselves?
Phyllis: Well, I think the Schlafly Eagles.
Alice: That makes us sound like a group of middle-aged German girl scouts.

Phyllis: If we vote on every little thing, we will never be ready.

Ron: Some of the brothers question whether you're really the candidate for blacks or just for women.
Shirley: I don't look black to you?

Mary Frances: We must stop these commie radical lesbians from changing our way of life or it will be chaos. If we don't put the brakes on the ERA, the traditional family will be destroyed and once that's gone, it's goodbye, America. The lord made men and women different just like he did white people and the coloreds. Do we want the sexes fully integrated like the races? We must not let the same thing happen with uppity libbers that's happened with those uppity negroes. 

Bella: Frisk [Betty]. She hasn't been felt up in a while.

Hart: [McGovern]'s still very hurt that you tell the press he's the best white male candidate.

Hart: Everything is on the table. And what more can we give you? You've already got national daycare, affirmative action, ratification of the ERA.
Gloria: You're not backing us on the abortion vote.
Hart: You can't expect to get everything that you want.
Gloria: Don't you expect to get everything that you want?

Hart: We don't want anyone up there saying that women are being butchered on kitchen tables.
Gloria: But women ARE being butchered on kitchen tables.
Hart: Yes. We just don't want to hear about it.

Woman: We're keeping a running tally to see how many states have ratified the ERA versus how many women Warren Beatty has slept with since he's come to Miami.

Shirley: If we don't demand true equality, we are always going to be begging the men for a few crumbs from the pie.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Betty: Carl loves spending money on his new wife - money I made from my book. It makes him feel superior.

Natalie: Didn't [Gloria and Bella] convince Nora Ephron to write that bitchy account of you for Esquire?
Betty: Nora doesn't need convincing to write something bitchy.

Jill: I told you you did not need to bring a fur coat.
Bella: Well, I hauled it all the way down here. I'm not taking it off.

Betty: Have you ever been to Bloomington? It's a shit hole. I can say that because I'm from Peoria.

Margaret: Tell everybody what you say whenever the kids at school ask you why your momma is gay.
Doris: I say, "Why is your mom straight?"

Betty: How do the Birches feel about you powdering your nose in an integrated bathroom?
Phyllis: I imagine the same way that the militant lesbians feel about you even powdering yours.
Betty: Just think - if we had the ERA, all the pedophiles and perverts lurking in those stalls would get to witness this special moment.

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Marc: I'm not good with titles. What about you? You have one for your book?
Gloria: Two hundred pages of shit.

Bruce: So how does it feel to be Phyllis Schlafly's lawyer husband?
Fred: If you keep studying, you can be Phyllis Schlafly's lawyer son.

Brenda: When I was at Harvard-
Jules: I've never heard a good story that begins with "when I was at Harvard."
Brenda: I had the professor that was the inspiration for The Paper Chase and he announced he would only call on women one day a year - Ladies' Day. And he would only discuss cases involving widows and brides. He didn't think we could handle sparring in a Socratic fashion without bursting into tears.
Jules: Did you ever burst into tears?
Brenda: Tears of rage. I paid the same tuition.

Brenda: Where are you going?
Jules: San Francisco.
Margaret: Not San Francisco. Oakland.

Margaret: I go to NOW meetings on Monday, National Black Feminist Organization on Tuesday, Lesbian Alliance on Wednesday, and PTA on Thursday. It's exhausting.

Margaret: I think we'll be happier in Oakland.
Gloria: You're not happy here?
Margaret: No, it's just the schools are better in Oakland.

Gloria: Margaret just quit.
Frank: I'm sorry.
Gloria: She's moving to Oakland. You know, better schools there for her daughter.
Frank: Is that what she told you?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Phyllis: Marriage takes work.
Alice: You should hear how [Kevin] talks to [Pamela]. He has a temper.
Phyllis: We all have problems. She needs to learn to manage him.

William: Bella bosses everyone around. She bossed me around when I headed the EPA. Don't take it personally.
Jill: She said, "Your commission has no authority and no money." I'm not supposed to take that personally?

Bella: When I graduated from law school, my mother said to me, "Wearr a hat and gloves. That way they won't mistake you for a secretary."

Jill: Who are these chocolates for?
Bella: One of my secretaries.
Jill: Oh, it's her birthday?
Bella: I threw an ashtray at her.

Jill: Billy likes to say that we educate men and women through college to be precisely equal but then the men go off to do interesting things.

Jill: They don't want their number two to have a mouthy pro choice feminist for a wife.
William: They didn't say mouthy. They said outspoken. But I told them, "I don't control my wife." So there.
Jill: I just wish you'd said, "She's not outspoken. She's the norrmal amount of spoken. She speaks about as much as many man."

Jill: "Keep him"? That's the best they could do?
William: I can't imagine the slogans [Ford] rejected.

Jill: Here's the serious question - do you think Reagan dyes his hair?

Jill: Sometimes I'll start a speech with "I feel like one of Henry Kissinger's girlfriends. I know what's expected of me but I'm not sure how to make it interesting."
William: Can I use that?

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Phyllis: We need to get ourselves elected so we can get seats at the convention.
Pamela: So anyone can run? Not just the liberals?
Phyllis: Yes, it's called the electoral process.
Alice: It's kind of like the Pillsbury Bake Off Contest. Thousands of women from every state competing for a spot on the national competition to see who has the best recipes.
Rosemary: And we have to get pro family bakers or we'll be stuck with a bunch of liberal recipes in our cookbook and force fed ERA brownies, abortion cookies, and lesbian pies until kingdom come.
Phyllis: Yes, well, every metaphor has its limits, Rosemary.

Bella: Let's see your sign.
[Rosemary shows her a sign that says "BELLA ABZUG GO HOME]
Bella: So you're not going for wit. Okay. But you spelled my name right. That's good. You wouldn't believe how many people spell Abzug incorrectly. It's phonetic. Where's your queen?
Alice: She's been held up in traffic.
Bella: In Normal, Illinois?

Bella: Let me tell you the truth about Phyllis Schlafly. She's a liar, a fear monger, and a con artist. But worst of all, she's a goddamn feminist. She might be one of the most liberated women in America.
Alice: Excuse me, but you don't know anything about Phyllis. Before she took up our cause, we were the punchline of jokes on late night talk shows, made to feel guilty for being proud homemakers, wanting to stay home with our children instead of going to work in an office.
Pamela: We don't want to be working girls.
Rosemary: She's been our savior, our Joan of Arc.
Alice: Everything we know, we learned from her.
Bella: What have you learned from her?
Alice: So many things she's taught us.
Bella: Has she taught you how to lobby a legislator?
Alice: Of course.
Bella: Has she taught you how to draft a press release? A speech?
Alice: Yes.
Bella: How to answer reporters' questions, get the television interview?
Alice: Yes.
Bella: How to create a budget and balance it?
Alice: Yes.
Bella: Congratulations. You're working girls.

Midge: Mrs. Carter thought you were pushy and loud.
Bella: You know that's code for Jewish and Italian.

Betty: Delegate at large?
Bella: It's a very prestigious honor.
Betty: What the hell does it even mean?
Bella: Whatever we want it to. I made it up.

Bella: You don't get the credit you deserve because you're difficult.
Betty: And you're ruthless and you don't listen.
Bella: To you. I don't like a know it all.

Phyllis: I've been reading your book. You say some pretty powerful things about hate. Now I don't hate anybody and if we're going to continue to work together-
Lottie: You need to understand that to love completely requires learning to hate properly.

Phyllis: I am tolerant and I let everyone be against women's lib for the reasons of their choice.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Reporter: Can you tell me why you oppose extending the ERA deadline?
Alice: We've been winning this fight fair and square. They can't change the rules in the middle of the game because they don't like the results. This proposed extension is a desperate attempt by feminists to get those last few states to ratify the ERA. Most people in this country don't want the ERA and we deserve to have our voices heard. 
Reporter: How do you explain the public opinion polls that show a majority of people in this country support the ERA?
Alice: ...Which poll?
Reporter: All of them
Alice: I never said a majority.
Reporter: So you don't believe a majority of Americans support your position?
Alice: No! I mean, yes. You're twisting my words. What I was trying to say is umm, uh, feminists are a radical minority and most women support our movement.
Reporter: Where are you getting your information?

Rosemary: An ungodly world dictatorship is the goal.

Alice: It's our favorite song at home. I learned it with all my kids when they were in school.
Flo: Woody Guthrie wrote it.
Alice: He's a poet.
Flo: He's a socialist. 
Alice: Come on, don't be ridiculous.
Flo: You were up there belting out a Marxist song.
Alice: Oh, no, no, no. It's patriotic.
Flo: Exactly.

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Reporter: You don't think practicing law runs contrary to your preachings about a woman's proper place?
Phyllis: I have raised six children. I can do whatever I want. I've always said that women can do whatever they want.

Phyllis: I have to spread you around like cherries in a fruit salad.

Alice: "The women's libbers were rewarded with an extension of the ERA deadline despite our pro-family rally in Houston being twice as big as-" Are you sure the crowd at our rally was twice as big?
Phyllis: Yes.
Rosemary: Definitely. I should know. I was at both.
Alice: It didn't feel that much bigger.
Lottie: Satan's destructive forces are so strong and well financed it's easy to get confused.

Pamela: Phyllis says that a man needs to feel like the king of his castle. Otherwise they act out.
Alice: You told her that?
Phyllis: Well, you don't marry a man to reform him.
Pamela: I've been trying to take the time to let him know how much I need him.

Jill: I serve at the pleasure of the president. I also serve five kids, a husband, two cats, two dogs, and fourteen rabbits so it's not easy to drop everything and fly across the country.

Fred: Get ready for your appointment, Mrs. Schlafly.
Phyllis: Mrs. Schlafly, Esquire.
Fred: You're going to change your stationery?

Gloria: A five mile run?
Betty: Two miles because I run a sixteen minute mile.
Gloria: So it's not a run, Betty. It's a walk.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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On 5/27/2020 at 4:26 PM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Lottie: Satan's destructive forces are so strong and well financed it's easy to get confused.

This was such a stupendous, mind-boggling line. 

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