AlanaHeart

Was it mentioned at all why we have never saw Lauren meet Cameron's parents? I know his Mom is sick. Have we seen any of Cameron's friends yet? Does any one think it was totally weird that with Amber's grandmother's house, the crew wasn't let inside to film? Makes me wonder what the state of the house was.

There's a big middle ground between been rich and being poor. He's not rich but he really needs to say he has no money. I think he was faking that he was comfortable middle class.

Eric is not choosing to be frugal. He doesn't have any money.

That is not true- I categorically never stated that men are as likely to get hurt or die in DV situations as women- in all my posts- I stated that since men are physically stronger- in DV situations- women are more likely to be seriously hurt and killed. What I am saying is when looking at a violent interaction- like slapping a person- women do it just as much as men in their relationships. Of course if a man slaps a woman the woman is more likely to get hurt rather than the reverse. What I am saying is that even though that is the case- women should not be able to slap men (and vice versa)- just because they don't hurt them as much- violence is violence. I'm not saying we shouldn't have care and concern for Olga, of course we should- but we need to have care and concern for all people- men and women who are victims of violence especially on this show. I think having Anfisa or Fernanda hit someone is downplayed and glossed over and then when someone like Steve who yells at his wife- people called him a future batterer when when we have women who are actual batterers on this show hitting men. It's not cool and not acceptable for either gender and it's way more common for women then you think. Also in terms of the accuracy of the self-reported statistics- conceptually, official records of crime are measures of law enforcement reactions to crimes that come to their attention. In contrast, self-report measures were developed as a more direct measure of criminal behavior, a measure that better captures the conceptual domain of crime. It is based on victims and offenders’ own reports of their involvement in criminal acts, whether known to law enforcement agencies or not. https://www.nap.edu/read/10581/chapter/4#84 The self-report method for measuring crime and delinquency has developed substantially since it was introduced a half century ago. It is now one of the fundamental ways to scientifically measure criminality, and it forms the bedrock of etiological studies. The challenges confronting this approach to measurement are daunting; after all, individuals are asked to tell about their own undetected criminality. Despite this fundamental challenge, the technique seems to be successful and capable of producing valid and reliable data.

The one couple that I am rooting for is Steven and Olga. Here’s why I’m still rooting for Steven and why I’m personally giving him a pass on be a giant jerk and stress ball (for now pending settling in the U.S.): 1) He actually showed up in a major way for her and the baby and wants to be a father and husband for them. Most young men who got a summer romance pregnant, the conversation would have been- Woman- ”Hi, I’m finally in my home country and FYI I’m pregnant with your child from our summer fling.” Man- “Wow, ok- good luck with that.” Man immediately hangs up the phone and blocks her on all social media. I think only 5 out 100 20-year-olds (heck even 40 year-old men) in the U.S. probably, would claim the baby, fly to see her, be there for the birth and want to marry her and look after her in the U.S. He chose to step up. If they don’t work out, he’s actually in a much worse financial position because she can go after him for child support once she is living in the U.S. If they breakup and she goes on welfare/housing benefit as a unemployed single mom, as her sponsor, him and his grandparents will be on the hook for that. I give Steve a lot of props for that because he could have completely abandoned her and especially being in another country she wouldn’t have been able to get child support internationally or anything. He’s doing the right thing for his family even though it is legally and financially risker for him to do that. 2) Steven has never been on an airplane. On his first trip, he went internationally to Russia, where not a ton of people speak English, navigated the system to go 7 hours by train to see her. I’m an experienced traveler and I don’t think I would have done that. I’m impressed he had the gumption and drive to do this to be there for Olga and the baby. International travel can be stressful and travel can sometimes bring out the worse in people when they are under stress and in an unfamiliar environment. I’ve experienced that travelling with friends internationally myself (they were a great loving friend in the U.S., stressed out crazy person missing a flight in Spain). Adding a newborn is even more stressful- so I think there’s a chance the behavior we are seeing now might be atypical given the situation. 3) Steve + Russian Bureaucracy = Major Stress. I think you are all seeing clips of Steve and Olga- but behind the scenes you aren’t understanding the sheer amount of legwork and paperwork this young man is doing to be in Russia. You have no idea how much stress the bureaucracy causes in Russia. Being that Steven doesn’t speak the language it is probably 10X for him. Case in point A) Getting a U.S. passport and a Russian visa. I’m super impressed he did both and he even got a Russian visa. Russian visas are notoriously complex to apply for and get for U.S. citizens. There’s no online application and everything is done manually and via mail. Props to Steve to get that done. B) He’s driving around in Russia- you can drive using your U.S. license but you have to have your license translated and notarized by an official translator to drive. C) As a visitor being in a city in any city Russia over 7 days, you have to make sure make sure you go down and are registered with the local government or you are in violation of the law. D) Just to be in the delivery room- it took 6 hours to get approval. You all probably have no idea that paperwork that he had to sign-off on and show just to get her released from the hospital. These are just a few of the things Steve had to deal with- we have no idea what else he had to do- this is adding to his stress and something to be taken into consideration and why he just wants to go back to the U.S. so badly. A lot of Russians feel like the bureaucracy makes them feel like they have no control in their life and that the government controls what you can and cannot do and your direction on life. Things that take a day in American (i.e. registering car) can take weeks in Russia. I think being a visitor Steve is getting a taste of that and it is stressing him out. He's jumping through these hoops to be a family with Olga. 4) He’s being completely immature and should wash his freaking hands- but all he wants to do is love and touch the baby- Steven’s heart is definitely in the right place and he loves that baby! He needs to take some parenting classes- just like Asuelu. 5) Steve and Olga are super young and this is their first serious relationship. To say that it’s doom and gloom and that Olga should leave now is premature. How many people here have had amazing, healthy relationships with no fighting or name-calling and great communication at 20 years old?! Many of us have learned from or made mistakes in past relationships and carried those lesson in to future relationships. They are young- let’s give them some time to sort it out and mature and grow together. I think that Steve will behave better when he’s home and in more comfortable surroundings. I think he’s freaking out because in Russia and he feels like he has zero control of what’s going and is overwhelmed- so I feel like he’s bossing Olga around because it’s the ONE situation he has control over. Once again, it’s not right but I think he loves Olga and wants to have a healthy family- he needs to work on being more patient, respectful and understanding but I believe, especially after seeing this episode himself he will work on changing. I just think people need to give Steve a little more time to see if he is able to change and not dismiss him so soon. If he doesn’t change and keeps up with that behavior- then I agree that Olga has to leave and find someone who will treat her better- but we can only see how things unfold with time. Until then I am rooting for them to become a better couple and a family. I'm not speaking about if it's low. I'm talking about the ratio. Each gender puts their hands on each other in about equal amounts.- both sexes should be held accountable is all I'm saying. Women are just as violent but don't get arrested at the same rate or are held equally as accountable. 12.4% of wives self-reported that they used violence against their husbands compared to 11.6% of husbands who self-reported using violence against their wives. Furthermore, 4.8% of wives reported using severe violence against their husbands, whereas 3.4% of husbands reported using severe violence.

Right it's 16% because most men will never report that their wives are abusing them but women self report that they totally hit their husbands and equal amounts as men. If verbal abuse is a big predictor of violence then we need to pray for Asuleu, Jon and Jorge.

I totally agree with you on Eric. He doesn't make enough to support himself and needs to have his daughter there to help with the rent. What 40-year-old man needs his freaking kid to help him with rent and expenses?! It's not like they live in an expensive area either. "Yes we need to save up on a house." It is not happening- he doesn't have a money to save up for a house (maybe after saving a $50 a month for 40 years- he'll have something)- I think he totally b.s .ing them- nothing is happening anywhere in the near future. Why doesn't Leida just point blank ask how much he makes a year and what his expenses are?! I think that will give her a very clear idea of what his capabilities are to provide as a husband and stepfather. Also I'm a pretty firm believer that if you haven't made your money and career by 40- it's not going to happen. He's not going to turn 41 and all the sudden get the gumption to find a fabulous new career bringing in lot more cash- if he was going to do it he would have done it in his 20s/30s and straight out of the military. Where he is at right now is where he is going to be pretty much until he stops paying child support and even then I don't think it's going to make a big difference in his lifestyle. I don't get this relationship at all and am thinking it must be fake, other than continuing her career- there is zero benefit for her being with Eric. With her parent's money there's got to be easier ways to get to America.

Not 100% true- women are just as physically aggressive as men (see link below). Women just get away with it because we are women and it's seen as more ok for us to do it and get away with it. Also most men aren't going to report being hit by their wives or girlfriends. I agree 100% that men are stronger and the effects are of course more devastating physically for women and we are more likely to die as a result. Anyone remember when Anfisa was caught on camera hitting Jorge? Were the police called by the TLC producers? Believe me if it had been the other way around they would have and Jorge would have been put in jail and never seen on future TLC show again. Actually, they probably would have blackedout the clip and not shown it on national television. But Anfisa is a woman and so she gets a pass right? I think we should be just as hard, or even harder on someone like Fernanda/Anfisa (who assaulted someone) vs. Steve who has not laid hands on anyone. What Steve did wasn't ok- he needs to learn to work on that, but it's really unfair to put him in a classification "of probable future batterer". No one should being putting their hands on anyone regardless of sex or how forceful the aggression (a man slapping vs. a woman slapping). We shouldn't tolerate it from either sex and women need to stop getting a pass on it too. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2968709/ When physical aggression is the subject of inquiry, studies consistently find that as many women self-report perpetrating this behavior as do men; some studies find a higher prevalence of physical aggression committed by women (for a review see Archer, 2000). For example, the National Family Violence Survey (Straus & Gelles, 1990), a nationally representative study of 6,002 men and women, found that in the year before the survey, 12.4% of wives self-reported that they used violence against their husbands compared to 11.6% of husbands who self-reported using violence against their wives. Furthermore, 4.8% of wives reported using severe violence against their husbands, whereas 3.4% of husbands reported using severe violence (Straus & Gelles, 1990). Studies with college samples also find that men and women commit similar rates of physical aggression (Cercone, Beach, & Arias, 2005) or that a higher prevalence of women commit physical aggression (Straus, 2004).

I think that some people are being too hard on Steven. Yes, he was a complete jerk and was very rude to her in the hospital room. 100%- he should be ashamed of his behavior and when he looks back on this I think he will be extremely embarrassed and regretful for his actions. But telling Olga to run for the hills and that he is probably going to beat her up in the future is a bit dramatic, unfair and premature. Also, to say that Olga was fearful- I don’t think she was. I think she was super annoyed, frustrated and pissed off that he was acting like a child but I don’t think she was afraid at all. Right now, I’m willing to give Steven a pass for now- I think he’s under an immense amount of stress and on a scale of 1 to 10 he’s at 11. Olga is not saying,” I’m afraid, stop shouting at me.” She just keeps on saying, “Stop freaking out.” Because she realizes he’s under stress and isn’t handling it well. I think Olga will decide to go to the U.S. with Steven and will take some time to observe him and see if his behavior improves once he is back home where he is comfortable. I think Olga is smart enough to know that Steve and she are in a highly unusual and stressful situation and is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m giving Steve the benefit of the doubt until I see how he behaves after a few weeks/months in the U.S.. If he still a jerk then- then some decisions will need to be made but I think Steve’s grandparents will help him chill out as well. Also- I just want to call out a double standard I’m seeing. I think people are so willing to be hard on men for saying and doing things but when a woman does the same behavior- it’s excused because she’s a woman. As a woman this pisses me off. Kalani is doing saying awful things to Asuelu- is anyone giving the same advice for Asuelu as they do Olga? That Kalani is a future abuser, that Asuelu should take the baby and leave the country with Oliver because Kalani is defiantly going to hit/abuse them both in the future? Kalani’s and Steve’s actions are just as bad with their yelling- but somehow with Steve- we take it to the level of high threat of potential domestic violence because he is a man but no one has mentioned that same with Kalani. Even furthermore someone was assaulted on the show! Fernanda cursed out her fiancé and literally assaulted a woman in the club. I don’t hear anyone calling for Jon to run for the hills from Fernanda before she starts hitting him (which I wouldn’t put it pass her). Fernanda and Steve are both 20 years old and yet she gets a pass for being that way in the club because she is female, young, in a new country and is a “Fiery Latina”. Steve is the same age as Fernanda in another country, doesn’t lay hands on anyone, says some jerk things but people are quick to say he is abuser and that Olga needs to “disappear” in Russia. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman doing the hitting or is someone is physically stronger than someone else. No one should be hitting anyone or laying hands on anyone else. So unless we are going to call Fernanda and Kalani future batterers I think we should layoff giving Steve this label- it’s not fair and seems sexist looking at the action of two women on this show.