[Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!]

9 hours ago, awaken said:

We have two of these in our family, too!  Grown up, codependent kidults, and Parents who foster this.  

Just a pet peeve of mine, but that is not what codependent means. Codependent people tend to be in relationships where they are trying to "fix" someone, like a drug addict or abuser. The term you need here is plain dependent.

[Joy and Austin: This One Time At Family Camp]

20 hours ago, BitterApple said:

Has Joy already given birth to her ten pound "preemie"?

She doesn't strike me as the type of girl who lives for Instagram, but I find it interesting she's been conspicuously absent from all recent family photos. 

I know someone who had a honeymoon baby that weighed 9 lbs 9 oz, born at 37 weeks. Because of how gestation is calculated, from last period, her son was delivered 35 weeks after her wedding. She was extremely embarrassed at the realization that many people assumed she had not waited for marriage, as she had been a virgin. This woman had been a 10 lb 13 oz newborn herself, so she just had genetic predisposition to gestate a large baby.

I feel bad for Joy that so many people will make assumptions about her based on this pregnancy. I delivered an 11 lb baby at 38 weeks myself. That was 7 years after I got married, but if it had been a honeymoon baby, I'm sure I would have gotten lots of speculation, too. As it was, from 5 months on people were constantly asking if it was multiples or if I was sure I wasn' further along. I looked like I had a beach ball under my shirt at the end. My fundal height measured 45 weeks at my 38 weeks appointment,  just a day before I delivered.

[Joy and Austin: This One Time At Family Camp]

On 9/5/2017 at 11:57 PM, Arwen Evenstar said:

Ouch. My cookie hurts trying to imagine 11 lbs.

It really wasn't that bad.  Of course labor hurt, but not more than usual. Not to get too detailed, but no stitches or anything. On the other hand, I know women who had 4th degree tears with 7 lb babies. In my case, I think I was fortunate to be working with a great team of midwives who understand how to deliver babies without hurting the mom or the infant.

I hope Joy has a good provider to work with her pregnancy, especially if she has a large baby. 

[Joy and Austin: This One Time At Family Camp]

Considering the size of some of her nephews at birth, Joy may just be carrying one huge baby. My biggest was 11 lbs, born at 38 weeks. I measured 45 weeks at delivery. At three months gestation, I looked more like I was entering the third trimester.

In my family, large babies are the norm, and the Duggar girls seem to have a similar trend going. 

[The Duggalos: Jinger and the Holy Goalie]

I got pregnant while breastfeeding my third when she was nine months old  (and we were using NFP and condoms). She was sleeping through the night, which increases the odds of fertility returning.  My youngest is 14 months but still nurses all night. My cycle just now came back.

Jinger grew up with a mom who would not even use the natural spacing of extended breastfeeding to reduce fecundity. I genuinely hope that the delay in a first pregnancy is intentional. Since she grew up around so much obsession with fertility, Jinger should know the basics for NFP. 

[Joe & Kendra: Looking Forward To Side Hugs]

I have an uncle who is one year older than me and nine months younger than my older sister. My mom was the youngest of three until he came along, 22 years later. Grandma was in her late forties when he was born. it happens even in smaller families. My grand parentsdefinitely were not planning their last child.

Even better, grandma was the youngest of 13, and her oldest sister, who was 20 when grandma was born, had a baby the same year. So, my uncle has a first cousin the same age as his mom, around 48 years older than him. Two of my grandma's brothers married sisters from a neighboring family, so we have some double  first cousins in the family, too.

[Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!]

6 hours ago, 88Keys said:

hand dieeow hospiCsectionction ,blam iI'vealllongUciallm  ARE b laming  Ji ll.  An at's a very cruel thing to, do to any woman who has a baby in the NICU.  Especially when we have no real proof of what she did or didn't do while pregnant.  Having a baby in the NICU is a very difficult experience for any mom.  And now Jill has a bunch of people blaming her for her baby's condition, when A)they don't even know for sure what the baby's condition is, and B) they don't know what kind of prenatal care she received or didn't receive. 

I'll bow out now.  I know a lot of people disagree with me, and that's OK.  This clearly isn't the thread for me.  I hope Jill and Samuel are both OK and that this is just a bump in the road for them. 

I am struggling with a lot of this thread, too. I have four children. My first was a csection after 36 hours of labor. The hospital actually sent me home after 20 hours and told me to labor longer at home.

I have had three vbac. One of those labors was 44 hours. All of my babies were huge. All of them went to the nicu. I hemorrhaged with two of my births. I feel a lot of sympathy for Jill. In my own experience, many thing can go awry during birth.

All of the "giant white baby" and "40 hoursof labor is too long" and "vbac is dangerous" type comments bug me because I have been there. Without direct evidence that Jill did anything wrong, I just feel bad for her, espeCially seeing how many people really want this to be her fault. If anythinge comes to light proving she caused harm to her child, then she can be blamed.

Csections are dangerous, and scary. I have relatives and neighbors who have had severe complications from planned csection. The national csection rate is 30%, when WHO says it should be closer to 15%. Rural areas tend to have even higher csection rates, which correlate to higher maternal mortality. When your 18 year old neighbor dies from a blood clot after a planned cs, and your sisters have had blood transfusions and neuropathy and adhesions, it makes you see csections as sometimes necessary but still dangerous. Jill can cry all she wants to about having another cs, as far as I am concerned.

[Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!]

I had a 44 hour labor for my second vbac, with midwives in a hospital.  The baby was 11 lbs. I did not have GD, and I had great prenatal care. All four of my children have been large. The neonatologist who saw them all said that some women just have a genetic propensity to have large babies.

Also, all of my children spent time in the NICU, ranging from 5 days to four weeks. None of them were premature,  their problems were not caused by mode of delivery, and nothing could have been done to prevent their complications, all of which were breathing related. I had people literally messaging me while I was in the hospital suggesting that my children's problems were caused by everything from vaccines to undiagnosed gd to lack of invasive prenatal testing. Truly appalling.  

 I don't agree with the Duggars  on much, but I hope that Jill and Sammy recover quickly.