gonecrackers
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Derek is still not taking responsibility - he's walking around acting depressed & whiny. I would love to just hear him say he wished he did something differently; that would make me feel differently about him.
His mom is just believing whatever he tells her. She probably does not know him as well as she thinks; that happens a lot with kids & their parents.
I liked Heather's reaction to the letter writing better than Derek's. She seemed to realize it could promote closure & healing (it can even though they didn't 'share' much good), & he looked like he was annoyed at the suggestion. I'm very interested to see their meeting in the next episode.
Derek looked out of it the whole time - kind of stoned maybe? Something didn't seem right about him & his eyes looked irritated.
His dog Jake sure is cute though. It's too bad because Heather had told him she loves dogs, so it would not have been a 'Sonia situation' there.
Tom & Lilly are cute together (I never thought I would think that never mind 'say' it), so far, but I'm still waiting to see what happens there. It's good to see something besides all the crazy with everyone else though. The bathroom policy discussion was pretty funny - was Tom drunk there? He looked to be & maybe that's why he didn't care just saying it LOL.
Btw, for Nick & Sonia, coconut oil works really well for cooking eggs, IF they ever cook together again. They also don't 'pretend asleep' very well. I'm doubting they just woke up when the dog jumped them due to them being all mic'd up, unless they have to sleep that way (maybe they want hours of snoring footage?).
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I'm surprised at my own interpretation of this episode, but here goes...
Neither Nick or Sonia should have been chosen for this show, except to make TV. She can't communicate & when she tries she gets pushy, because he's difficult & she doesn't know how to connect with him. Nick's response, since he also doesn't know how to communicate, is to say something stupid &/or inappropriate, & in this episode, downright mean.
I tried to really listen to him, & I think he felt no spark with her from the get go (I could see that), but 'tried' - & I mean that with whatever 'tried' means to him, on the honeymoon, but when things didn't improve (in terms of how he was feeling but not sharing), he became more shut down. In response Sonia became more insistent that he 'open up' (maybe production or 'expert' driven nagging), which clearly not only shut him down more but pissed him off. Honestly when I'm pushed too hard I can get pissed too, although older & now I can control my reaction more, even if annoyed. She also pushed him while he was clearly drunk & in front of the cameras & crew. I wonder why except that everyone (perhaps even Sonia herself), wanted a reaction - which of course they got. It was not the time for that at. all.
His comments on this being work & shouldn't be - clearly very naive, but not surprising if he's never had a committed relationship yet. I'm thinking he really put a bit too much on the 'experts' on that one, or maybe he's just someone who wants everything relational to come easy or it's too intense for him (not relationship material guy which may be why he's still alone).
This episode had me so tired of hearing 'open up' & 'communicate'. I don't know if even the 'experts' know what that means or how to apply it properly to the couples. There was no guidance for two people thrown together who can't communicate - what is that?? They needed to sit down - together - with a qualified counselor (notice I didn't say 'expert') & have that person help them learn what that actually means to each other & how to apply it when they are together.
On Nick though - again the naivete showing - he wanted everything to progress naturally, however, the situation he put himself in was not in any way natural or 'organic'. oy & sigh
She's probably nice enough, but I have to agree with those who find Sonia a bit annoying though, as I can get irritated & drained listening to her too, & I don't even hear much. She may really just be rubbing him the wrong way (no pun intended on the previews) & he can't deal with her anymore.
However, that in no way condones what he said to or about her, but I think it gave the TV people what they wanted.
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59 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:
As a person who has studied personality theory and takes being an introvert somewhat seriously, I feel that Nick gives introverts a bad name. Being an introvert is not an excuse for being deliberately uncommunicative, cold and misleading. Everyone has to extrovert every day of their lives in order to function in the world, and healthy introverts are able to do so when the time calls for it. Healthy introverts have good communication skills and are able to use them in all situations that call for them even when it involves going outside their comfort zone. Nick is FOS. He is using his introversion to explain away his dysfunction. It's like when people profile disturbed school killers and say "He was a loner, and introvert". That gives introverts a bad name too because that goes way beyond normal introversion to explain, it's antisocial, dysfunctional behavior.
As an introvert to the highest degree I can't agree more. There are other ways of communicating, such as in writing. Weren't they journaling or something? He could have even shared some of the more difficult feelings in writing.
Regardless, though, a show like this could be a nightmare for an introvert. We need time alone to re-charge. If I was in that kind of stressful situation for very long hours, needing to communicate difficult feelings with a stranger, with a camera crew in my face, a pushy production person nagging at me (I think they do a lot of that), & presumably needing to keep up with work as well, I would probably have a meltdown as well - but I don't know that I would hurt someone - I might just sit there & cry LOL.
However, key point - I would never do a show like this, for so many reasons, but I'm self aware enough to realize I couldn't handle it. He didn't know that for whatever reason, or he's not a 'shy' (I don't think so) introvert, he's just got issues. Or, he's a total fake, in which case it's all coming back to bite him, & he'll just have to deal with it.
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9 hours ago, Evil Queen said:
If that "expert" Rachel actually believed there was some flame or fire (whatever she said) between these 2 she needs to get a clue because there never was one. I think many of us could see that. SMH
Rachel was either pushing something because she was told to, or, incredibly bad at reading people. Or both. Either way not a great advertisement for a 'life coach' & relationship 'expert' ?
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9 hours ago, Evil Queen said:
Oh I am!!! I am disgusted that it has allowed Nick to use the show in such a way for his "clothing line" and rentals and then to do it on their SM accts linked to the show. Now you have the other ones advertising it as well from this group? SMH Makes me even more disgusted seeing that too. IF by chance this show casts for a season after Chicago, how many will see this going on and think about how they can do that too?
I agree that they should not be allowed to do this, as this is about the marriage of 2 strangers, so IF the power behind the scenes were really concerned about the 'matches' they would take out as many other elements of -what can I get out of this for me- to make it more authentic, including any pay except for expenses incurred by the arrangement & any missed work.
2 hours ago, ctbabe said:Heather is friends with everyone except Derek. Not as close as the rest though
Maybe due to traveling but also I never felt she was too into the whole TV thing - the others seem REALLY into it, which kind of bugs me, but, I suppose they are told to promote for ratings' sake.
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7 hours ago, humbleopinion said:
Yes, but Nick fornicated with Sonia's mind...
I'm not sure because he did make comments that were meant to keep her away, &, I don't think he said any of the compliments to her that he said in the TH's.
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22 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:
I think Heather thought it was a "classy" look, but unfortunately she couldn't pull it off without looking trashy. It's not my taste either. I'm not a prude but I think some of these revealing gowns are OTT.
I agree... I wonder if producers influence gown choice at all.
Recalling how when she was looking at gowns her mom did not seem pleased with that one (yeah neither would I if I were mom). I can't recall how the friends reacted. Even with so little time she should've been able to find something better. I think she was going for a Marilyn Monroe look, as she had cut her hair too - it was longer before the wedding. But she didn't pull that off. The other thing was it was not as revealing when she was trying it on- it dipped but no real boobage showing, so I was surprised to see just how much was on display when she actually wore it. Maybe it just wasn't fitted properly & wasn't meant to show that much? Either way, bad choice especially to marry someone she didn't know, since that definitely could've given him a first impression other than 'classy'.
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9 hours ago, Jack Sampson said:
I've said from the beginning that she's not attractive...and that Nick isn't gay.
But, faced with a similar situation, I'd respond exactly how I've said people should respond in past seasons - have sex. Give sex a try as a Hail Mary pass to see if anything might possibly happen. Maybe Sonia makes up for her looks with unbelievable bedroom skills. Probably not, but I'd give it a try. Of course, then everyone would be calling me an ass for just using her.
She's not attractive to you - that's your opinion & you're entitled to it, but you can't speak for everyone.. Almost everyone seems to be attractive to someone. But attractiveness in general is really in the eye of the beholder for the most part.
I agree he's not gay (my opinion- could be wrong). And I agree that you'd be called quite a few things if you 'tried her out' for sex. If there's one thing I respect Nick for it would be for not having sex with Sonia (& that would probably be the only thing).
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8 hours ago, humbleopinion said:
Sonia was on the fake transaction so for her silence, she didn't have to pay any faux rent since she was married to the landlord.
Yes, and, at risk of tomatoes flying through my screen, she could be in on other fake goings ons here, for drama... I'm not sure yet & may never know for sure. She just didn't seem that upset - regardless of her social work training, this was personal, & she's become emotional over a lot less.
(okay now I'll duck!)
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There's always the possibility this was all planned. It seems to have been set up from the beginning at the wedding with all the talk about him not telling her she was beautiful. It's been a theme the whole time. Maybe they just picked up from what was actually happening & ran with it. What makes me wonder is Sonia didn't look a bit surprised (not necessarily with his words but even with the emotion that seemed so uncharacteristic of him thus far), & she didn't seem upset in the TH. Nick has a big notice on his twitter about the preview of him not being in love with Sonia. It also makes me wonder why he'd want to announce that kind of behavior as if excited for people to see it, unless it was planned & they're both excited about their 'acting'.
Possible motives - Nick got lots of advertising for his business & Sonia has an Instagram notice (she did acting but didn't do this for that reason - she's clearing that up for us) discussing her non profit & how to follow online - donations could come rolling in from this... mutual user agreement of sorts between them.
I'm so jaded... but it's a thought.
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1 minute ago, Neurochick said:
Yikes, I can't deal with everybody wanting to diagnose people. There was a time when people were just accepted the way they were. If Nick's an asshole, he's an asshole, no diagnosis for that.
It really could be that simple.
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18 minutes ago, BonnieLass said:
Wow. No words for this - except for "What an asshole".
http://www.fyi.tv/shows/married-at-first-sight/videos/sonia-walks-out-on-nick
Seems like Nick is more intelligible drunk then he is sober.
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3 hours ago, Stinamaia said:
I'm not diminishing Sonia's feelings in anyway, but as s viewer, I had to laugh when I saw motor mouth Nick emerge. We had weeks of him nearly unable to string together words that formed a complete sentence, and boom! Suddenly he could speak in a whole paragraph.
I do agree with others that bottling up his feelings caused the eruption. I saw both Sonia and Nick being afraid to ask and answer question because of fears. It seemed to me that Sonia could never summon up the gumption to ask if he was attracted to her or wanted to have sex with her. Nick, for whatever reasons, was equally afraid to state his true feelings.
LOL on the sentence/paragraph - I was quite impressed at that part anyway.
However, the build up could've been 'released' in a more mature, kinder way. His words not aligning with actions & that rude, hurtful explosion, shows his true character.
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42 minutes ago, henrysmom said:
It wasn't necessarily a lie. She was beautiful. I thought she was beautiful too, but I'm not attracted to her. Could be the same with him. Just because a woman is beautiful doesn't mean everyone in the world is going to be attracted to them.
The problem I find with that is when he goes on his rant he says he doesn't think she's attractive & also that he's not attracted to her - so he said both. Why would he say that? I think it's perfectly fine to say he's not attracted to her, but to say she's not attractive was cruel & unnecessary. The "I don't like her" was juvenile. Holding back, pretending (for what, the show? to be polite?) - now he's not so polite anymore. It's all the stuff of being a man-child.
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9 hours ago, Stillhoping said:
I still think Nick has never been in love. I dont think he has has had a loving realationship with a woman or a man.
I still feel that he just hooks uprandomly. Snarklepuss had gpod insights on this too...."Commitment phobe
I think Nick would commit (tho maybe not love) the "right" person...I imagine he could fall for any of the successful attractive "stars" of HGTV.maybe some other reality star or a local successful person..a really hotshot real estate agent or business owner.
I think Sonias job and debt might have tipped the scales
I think the dog thing tipped the scales right from the get go - right at the wedding when she said she was afraid. Knowing how in love he is with them if he already wasn't feeling any attraction that may have done it.
But also he may be intimacy anorexic (can look it up), if it's a chronic problem for him or he only has superficial relationships, he shouldn't get involved with anyone again until he sorts that out. I agree with the poster who said (sorry I can't recall who) he should've been self aware enough to know this was not the show for him (unless all he cared about was publicity).
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Wow; just wow, Nick. Say nothing for so long then that? He's like 0-60. That was the most personality I've seen come out of the guy - & I could actually understand every word he said for once.
This is not an excuse for him by any means, but it seems like it would probably be easier for the women to say they were not attracted to someone rather than a man be able to do that, given he probably figures a woman might take it harder & then Sonia was so emotional. But he was so totally inept at handling any of this & that was awful.
I do hope she moves out & this is over. She's kind of been a little bit of a female David here, trying, trying with nothing, nothing back, so hopefully that will be over.
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I think her twitter feed does allude to the fact that he was a pot smoker given she said she made the right decision not just for herself, but 'for her job'.
I'm glad she mentioned there was a lot going on that we will not see, which I'm sure is the case for all of them.-
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1 hour ago, Jack Sampson said:
She specifically said that her past relationships were "not nice" guys and that Derek was the opposite. That's probably why she wasn't attracted to him. And her lack of attraction wasn't because of smoking or gambling or arguing, she also states that she wasn't attracted to him prior to any of that.
I don't recall; she may have said it though. Derek said his 'heart dropped a little' when he found out she was a flight attendant, so it could've gone both ways there. (edited to clarify I don't recall her saying she wasn't attracted to him, but that he had a 'kind face', but I definitely could've missed it).
As far as the 'not nice' guys, perhaps she realized Derek has issues too but she's moved past relationships with that type of guy.
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1 hour ago, Evil Queen said:
It was hard to take that whole thing seriously when this lady is shoving herself in the middle of it all or including herself in some way in to it. The lady even was stroking at Sonia at one point when Nick was sitting behind Sonia. I am still not understanding why they were set to do this. More so after watching it when it seemed this lady was trying to get some freaky threesome going. LOL
I think they were both uncomfortable with it possibly in part because it was all being filmed with a bunch of other people in the room. And yeah the lady was ridiculous; it was supposed to be about them, but I'm wondering if she was including herself to help get Nick raring to go for Sonia later.
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17 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:
Agree with this. If that is true about Heather then she had a good reason to want out for sure. I know many wondered if she had some relationship(s) like that before and that was what she was seeing in Derek was those warning signs so she didn't want to be stuck in that kind of bad relationship. Which in turn shows the laxed way the "experts" match...yet AGAIN!
She did say something about being past that & not wanting that kind of relationship anymore - I can't remember her exact words but it led me to believe she's been in toxic relationships before & saw the red flags (I know I did & agree with her decision).
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1 hour ago, Enero said:
After Buzz made an interesting point that I think has been brought up here. They stated that Heather had a relationship in the past with an addict which was likely the reason why she completely shut down after seeing Derek "smoking."
If so, that would definitely be a trigger & a good reason for her to want out.
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On the 'experts', I feel this kind of 'arrangement' does not work because they are looking at people - on paper - on whatever impression they choose to give in the various interviews and - with 'TV issues' in mind. I could read a bunch of applications & interview people, get an impression of them, but that's it; it's only an impression. I don't really know anyone. They can't really know any of the people they set up that way. That's why Nick could slip by being pegged as steady, calm, etc, rather than repressed. It's why they wouldn't have picked up on Sonia's insecurities or emotion (or at least, to what degree these are in her personality), & why Derrick could have come off as responsible & mature (IMO he's not either).
But it's just not enough & it's why they cannot compare this kind of thing with true arranged marriages where the people being matched are well known by their matchmakers. - & edited to add, they are being matched by people who really care about them. (presumably - & these folks are not).
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I was recalling Rachel's visit with Nick & Sonia morning after the wedding. When she had them look into each others eyes & say 'you are my husband/wife', Sonia started tearing up, & said she was afraid of getting hurt. That definitely shows insecurity right from the start (although I'm not faulting her for it at all).
However, from Nick's perspective on that, maybe having no attraction to her right off, & now knowing her feelings on dogs, separated himself. I am not a fan of Nick's, from what I've seen of him, but I imagine not knowing how this was going to play out between them her emotion could've freaked him out a bit (especially since he isn't good with emotions - his or anyone else). I don't believe he is 'shy', but I do see him as socially inept - in this situation at least - & he may have had zero clue how to handle it & didn't ask anyone for help/advice.
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First post here after much reading & enjoying!
I didn't think I'd like Heather much, at first, but I think she made a wise decision to leave that 'marriage' fiasco. Derrick isn't suited for anyone right now; he still has growing up to do. I'm probably in the minority, but I think Derrick was the one who checked out first, right from the get go. Heather had said after the wedding that when she saw Derrick she was 'relieved', that Derrick had a 'kind face', & that she 'felt safe'. Derrick said when he heard she was a flight attendant his 'heart sank a little'. Maybe she really wasn't what *he* was looking for, so he didn't care much what impression he was giving off to her. Maybe that's why he wanted to smoke & didn't worry about how much (or what it was, perhaps). I also wonder if he made advances, since his tantrum about the surfer dude, when he said 'your husband can't touch you' but you can touch that guy, or something like that. I think she needed to take a step back & evaluate this guy, which I wouldn't blame her for at all. Maybe he wanted sex & when that wasn't going to happen he really got nasty. Those remarks on her age & how women in general age were uncalled for & immature. He was also raising his voice & lecturing to her. I give her kudos for getting out of that one because she's have a lousy life with someone like that.
Why they're milking it is beyond me. She took off for work, so now we have to watch him feel sorry for himself with family & friends; ugh. Honestly his friend, with the nude woman on his wall, seems quite immature as well. If that's what his crowd is like I couldn't see Heather feeling comfortable with them. Maybe he said he's not ready to date yet but (in pure speculation) I could see Derrick & his bud hitting the clubs for some action that night, 'just' to blow off some steam. Heather is better off now, probably regretting signing up for that which she should.
One thing though, I wonder how she was going to even grow any relationship with a stranger is she'd be traveling. In the long run it's better for both of them it's over.
Sonia & Nick are painful; I wonder if there's some 'playing along' with story lines going on there. If I were 'deathly afraid' of dogs I probably wouldn't be able to stay in the same house with them. It's more likely she's just uncomfortable/nervous around them, or it's being played up for affect & Nick is loving playing along with all the (gross to me) doggie smooches.
I think Nick checked out from the first moment. His face never lit up; he never looked excited, or even relieved, when she walked out in her gown. He was so stiff from the get go. Then he mentioned his dogs, she replied she is afraid of them & he looked like 'oh crap'. He was done from the get go but is just trying to play along, badly. Maybe in the beginning he thought he could get past it, but now it seems he can't bring himself to anything physical because he does not see anything happening with them.
I haven't liked Tom much with his postnup (but he's the one with debt, so?? - well maybe it's good for Lilly then!), the bus thing that he actually expects someone to live on, & the nasty remark about small children (they can't help it - adults on the other hand... hmmmm, Tom). Anyway, he seems supportive of Lilly with her surgery so I'm still watching him. However I'm not so sure Lilly is too into him, yet, so I am curious how it plays out between them.
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S04.E09: In Sickness and In Health
in Married At First Sight
Yeah he was seriously pent up, & under the influence just exploded.