nachomama

nothing more fun than prepping for a hurricane. Not evacuating, in fact I'm at work. Apparently we defy mother nature. We will get wind and rain and possibly lose power but not the brunt of the storm. Good luck to everyone in Dorian's path!

Duuuuuuuuuuuude, if I had a major trauma nobody be having to ask me to slow down. I'm already trying to milk my smack in the head as brain damage to get out of stuff. I walk around alllllllllll the time pretending my arms or legs don't work. Sit down and make somebody bring you lemonade.

HOLY SHITBALLS! My heavens, are you ok? So sorry to hear about your cat but I hope you're taking good care of yourself. Be very careful not only because I don't want you to fall again but also on the super blood thinners you can bleed lots if you cut yourself shaving your legs.

I managed to whack myself in the head with a box of paper yesterday. And before you start laughing at me it's 1100 sheets of the big kind, it's maybe 50 pounds. I hoisted it up on my shoulder and then tried to re-adjust and it just sorta clocked me in the neck. On one hand it kinda gave me an adjustment because my neck had been slept on weird but now I have a headache at the base of my skull. But I woke up alive so I guess I'm not too concussed. Adult diaper commercials make you feel like the most important thing is that they're "pretty" or no panty lines...nope it'd be the trail of pee that I'm trying to avoid. Just to be clear I have been potty trained a goodly number of years and it hasn't left me yet, in case you're sensing a pattern. I only wet my pants once in my life, 1st grade, we had a long bus ride and Mrs. McKnight wouldn't let me go in the building to go pee, you had to stay outside at recess until the bell rang. So I held it as long as I could and then had to go to the nurse and get a bath and they loaned me some cute underwear with flowers on them that I didnt want to give back. and if you're lucky I can tell you some barfing stories from school too! :D

I've seen the footage of girls at Beatles shows and I've never quite understood the banshee screaming and the fainting. I'm pretty sure I'd get tongue-tied if I spoke to an "idol" but I don't pee my pants and need medical care just going to the concert. Pretty soon I will, cuz I'm old, but it won't have anything to do with going to the concert, I'll pretty much do that anywhere.

Don't they want to smack down on people recording like that? You'd think someone is watching the crowd for such blatant phone waving above heads, I know you can't stop it in short bursts but if someone stood there for a solid 30-45 minutes you'd think someone would come. I don't go to a tremendous amount of concerts but they do always have signs and on your tickets that recording devices are forbidden. And most especially if you've paid an arm and a leg you don't want someone recording it for free for their cousin.

I watched "Overlord" over the weekend, didn't hate it. Nazi zombies, has Wyatt Russell (Kurt and Goldie's kid) and for once he's not playing an idiot. Also has Euron Greyjoy as the bad guy and seriously, dude is going to be typecast as a baddie cuz he's just creepy. Also watched "The favourite" which I liked quite well, Olivia Colman won an Oscar for it. Queen Anne and the 2 women who battled for "power" by being her confidant/lover. It's quite funny, quite dark and I hated the ending but we did have to do a lot of history looking up because if real, damn those brits are weeeeeeird! They ARE real people and Rachel Weisz' character is Winston Churchill's grandma! Learned many new things...did you know Winston Churchill is more american than lots of americans?????????? His mother was american and rumor has it (yes they'd need DNA to back it up) but supposedly grandma was Iriqois! Churchill and Diana Spencer were cousins (her grandpa was cousin to Winston from this same Sarah Churchill from the movie) And did you know any time you total a car, like say the engine still works but because of repair costs the insurance company just cuts you a check rather than repair $8000 of body damage that your vehicle very likely gets on a boat to Russia, south america, china etc? This dude that hit my car works for a "Cargo" company that buys those junked cars and they export them. I knew there was a "racket" with cars that there are after market parts and the whole junkyard business, insurance companies don't take "losses" but I had no idea about what goes out the back door. I've always heard if you have the means, get a check and then do what you will with your car. get the repairs on the low low you get money and your car back. I think there is definitely a whole side of this that is not strictly legit, like if your car gets stolen in Miami, it's on a boat within 6 hours and boom out of the country you'll never see it again. Those are much more high end cars of course. I don't think we are a big enough port city to have that kind of volume leaving the country. But there were many, many many of these "cargo" companies on this road, that look just like junk yards to the naked eye but those cars get on boats and go to Argentina and Yugoslavia. I do not know whether to be insulted or happy that my car isn't good enough for them to just buy and send to Cuba. Ha! My car did feel pretty, cuz most of them cars got real messed up grills and bumpers, my car is just old and has no hubcaps, mirror got fixed up nice and they're going to take it to their "guy" for the paint. I will point out the actual dents and scratches and the window is sticky now, doesn't wanna roll up right and if those are not fixed to my satisfaction I will demand money. ha! Real world prices for fixing I'm sure it's $6000 because my friends trunk just got fixed and it was $8000. This is the entire left side of my car, all three panels, for the value of the car, yes, it would be totalled. I would rather have my car, than a car payment at this moment so I'm gonna see what this entails. If they yanked a door off one of these other junked cars I don't care. Essentially this guy can fix anything he breaks, he would be a good guy to know if someday down the road I did something I wanted repaired/replaced and didn't wanna pay full prices for it. Not strictly legit but eye opening.

Most days I think I'm crazy...with furries and pony play people in the mix...I'm downright normal.

Egads! So if you get bit again you need epi pen? I know there are people who are allergic to bee stings like that. I hope that ain’t me cuz I gotta go mow my grass again. I still have little scabs on my feet. I have a friend who always ate lobster and just the last few years she developed an allergy to shellfish. That seems so cruel To steal her lobster joy.

But did you do it 2 weeks in a row? Literally bought the first ext cord then figured out you can’t turn around. Always gotta keep the cord at your back. Bought a new cord. Boom same damn thing. I was not meant for nature. When I mow my grass fire ants eat me alive. I shoulda been born in space. I need to live in a bubble. Nature can’t hurt me. Cars can’t drive into me. I can float.

I was trying to whisper about the people who wear buttplug tails. They take the furry thing even farther and make like a real tail. Which is weird. Also douchebag hit my car. It was raining and he came around a corner too fast and slid right into me. Took out my mirror and gave me yellow stripes down my car. Window is kinda jacked up. But my car is driveable. Tomorrow I’ll get some estimates. He didn’t “own” the car. It’s got temporary dealer plates but the owner came and we are gonna get estimates tomorrow. My car is a piece of crap but it’s a paid for piece of crap that runs good. It’s just ugly as hell and all kinds of trashed up inside. I generally just go from one job to the next so I’ve got so much junk in there. Books, shoes, lunchbox, travel mugs, chips... the list goes on. Perhaps the 2 most interesting things, a 50’ extension cord and a 100’ extension cord. Both of which I severed with my hedge trimmer because I’m a moron like that. I keep intending to take them to a guy I know to splice em back together. He knows how to do stuff like that. Meanwhile I have no hedge trimmer.

I think you had a furry girlfriend and she dumped you. Although I guess you probably had a child with one and they don't shut up. the child or the furby? furby. Weirder still or maybe not, just part of the furry, ahem hijinks, are the people with the tails, you know the taaaaaaails that you know you put in the you know. and you just walk around with a tail cuz that's normal.

His character on Sons of Anarchy was Opie and yes, unless they plan to let him ditch his skin mask I don't know why he's there unless it's just to be big and looming, he doesn't "talk" and truly only had 1 good fight with Norman Reedus thus far. Recently hear the Archies song and whole buncha people were singing along, it's a feel good song and you can't forget the words, another song that peps me up is "Build me up Buttercup"

she broke up with you, get over it. My old people story for today...I went to go get my refund, figured while I'm out I can hit up Walmart for some groceries and because I'm lazy and old I let them carry the heavy stuff. So I'm waiting and waiting and I'm thinking this bring it to me stuff doesn't really save much time. So I call and 4 different people come to see me and then they say they can't find my stuff. Thankfully, before I go on an old people rant a bell goes off in my head, I'm at the wrong walmart. I forgot to change location. I just knew there was one close to my pharmacy. So I've entered dementia. I really, really, really, really like Opie, aka Beta (Ryan Hurst0 so I want them to ditch the skin masks just cuz he's creeping me the fuck out but I love him and I quit watching SOA anarchy after the you-know-what so if Alpha gets to take hers off then Opie better too.

I say it should be pronounced "float-eeya" like tortilla because it's funnier. I enjoy going places and asking about the "fill-ett Mig-non" just to see if waiters cringe. And I love "Kaysa-dilla" But to illustrate my oldness I went to fill a prescription yesterday and it was twice as much as last time I filled it, also the medical debit card they gave me to pay for it with wouldn't let me pay for it. So like a typical old person I called them up and demanded to know why it was twice as much and why the card wouldn't pay for it. So the prescription was $120 and the card has $100 but doesn't let you pay the balance with your own card. they have to ring up the exact amount. I said "on what planet is that helpful to anyone?" also after much yelling they finally decided that ooops it is supposed to be $60 not $120 so I can return to get my money back. That's my cranky old people story for today.

next year I was born in 98 :) I'm still so much younger than all of you. I tell everyone in public that my friend Sarajane is old enough to be my mom, she's about 9 months older than me. I'm kind of an asshole like that. In real life people can tell I'm lying because, duh, but I realize online you can't tell I'm stretching the truth so thin it'll snap and we'll all be dead. How do you pronounce "flotilla?"

I lied. I think it's funny to say I was born in 1997 because I'm clearly quite old.

back that up I could have had children in 1997, although technically in MY family I coulda had kids in 1985 but legally in 1997, I just advance my year of birth every year if someone looks at gray hair or says something stupid like "who is John Denver?".

Damn you’re good. See? This is all because I was a fetus. Much too young to remember these things. I wasn’t even born until 1997 so I have to search past lives for these memories.

Here’s a better video for the hair. It’s pretty funny that this was a hair goal for me. I guess I didn’t do it right or my phone is stupid. Anyway “no more words “ video by Berlin. I remember these things very differently from my childhood. I could have sworn the video had a train in it. And honestly until I googled Terri Nunn today I didn’t know she was American. Like my younger self was so stupid that I thought because their name was Berlin they were from Germany. Dear lord I was a stupid stupid child. Like I thought her and Nena of the 99 luft balloons were neighbors. If I had met myself as a child I would have punched myself.

I have no idea how I'm a functioning adult with all the bizarre happenings of my childhood. (Who says I am?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! If the Goldbergs hadnt already been done I could definitely come up with a couple season of just truly whackadocious nonsense. Hell, I could write for them

My mom hoped and dreamed and prayed that her hair would come back thicker or curlier. Her entire life she bemoaned the thin lackluster hair she had, always permed it but her perms didn't last. She envied our hair, if we sat in front of her watching tv (back in the day kids didn't get "chairs") you sat on the floor to watch tv and hell, in our house, eat your dinner off a tray on the floor in front of the tv...bygones...she would twiddle our hair with her thumbs. I don't know how thick my hair is by comparison to other people, but definitely she had baby fine hair and mine had some body, as in it could be curly-ish or straight-ish. My sister inherited my dads super curly hair. She looks like a q-tip just a poof on top of her head. My dad kept a crew cut his whole life because he got teased about curly hair as a child. So I'm thankful I didn't get super thin lifeless hair but also not a cotton ball. Her hair came back it's same boring self, possibly less gray. Her boob didn't grow back but you know, they gave her a fake one to stick in her bra. and she loved to throw it at my friends. If there was someone over and they weren't paying attention to her she sneaked her boob (just a gelatinous blob*) and threw it to them, this one kid freaked and screamed and ran for the door. He was all "it was warm and squishy". She also sneaked her little turbin thangs off her head. You'd look at her and she looked like Elizabeth Taylor (her words, pfft) then you turn around and she's all uncle fester. She also had her drugs all kinda mixed up so she coulda just been high as a kite. *she let the little kid she babysat play with it and one day he bit a hole in it. She was all "don't tell your father! get me some duct tape" We actually used electrical/stretchy tape. Do I need to call Jeff Foxworthy? I think I'm a redneck.

That's exactly why my mom let us dye our hair blue, she was starting chemo and figured it would fall out. it was very electric blue on my mom and we got the "leftovers" of her dye. Yes! That's exactly what I was going for and sure didn't get that. Plus the "blue" on my already fried hair actually turned green. At the beginning of summer when I actually "went blond" I didn't actually understand the concept of "going blond" You DO NOT pick up standard blonde hair dye and just go to town on dark brownish/red hair because DING DING DING you end up looking like Ronald McDonald. I had some neon glow orange hair for the beginning of summer, and yes we experimented with lemon juice/peroxcide/sun-in to try and make it get lighter...and it did but it became straw. It's a wonder all my hair didn't fall out. So yes for back to school I had yellow brillo pad hair and then tried to Terri Nunn it. And I hated the Top Gun song I liked the "no more words" song.

oh no that was red. but yes I should be purple today from red and blue make purple. there was a lot of dye going down my drain. I did have blue hair once, my mom let us dye our hair one summer and I thought I was going to be like the Berlin chick (You take my breath away.......) song from top gun. She had kind of a long blonde bob and just the ends were blue/black who knows so I attempted that with my hair. 1. Didn't have straight hair (very old perm) 2. my hair was fried and frizzy from previous peroxide experiments and shorter than the nice bob the lady had in the video So school picture day I don't look like Berlin lady, I look like a nest on my head with possibly a "stain", kinda like those commercials for "ring-around-the-collar" back in the day, only on my head not my shirt. WINNING! luckily for me the day I showed up some other girl had also done something tragic with her hair, she had a skunk stripe so they stopped calling her "bisquick" started calling her skunk. I escaped the wrath. (I don't know what bisquick was supposed to mean other than maybe pale and doughy?) I don't know which would bother me more bisquick or skunk

Here's what I get for going to Dollar General, apparently there's a trick to the coupons where you can get "gain" cheap. $5 off gain products and $5 off general purchases except for some reason I didn't get my second $5. I bought cheap wash cloths, just for kitchen or cleaning use, I know their quality is low, I don't care, if it scrapes gum off a shoe or poo and I throw it away, no big deal. So I dyed my hair (not because of grays because I'm not old, shut up) and I used one to clean up, dear lord in heaven the amount of blue dye that ran out of that thing when I rinsed it out. If I had thrown those in with laundry would everything I own be blue? I get that some color runs, this was as if I just pulled it out of the bucket of dye. Anywho I was dying my hair because my power was so flickery, we had major thunder and I gave up watching the Baywatch movie from a few years back. Yes, its terrible, I was watching it because it was filmed here and I was looking for locals or things I knew. After re-starting three times I gave up. Also did not attempt to watch the BH90210 reboot which I heard sucked but lotta feels on the Luke Perry tribute.