[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

I’ve never quite developed a taste for westerns in my four decades of reading and watching television. Now I see the problem. Boes wasn’t writing them.

P.S. Because I need new specs, I kept reading Nell as Neil and wondered how Victoria earned that nickname. 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

12 hours ago, boes said:

What exactly did Jack do that was so bad?

Ashley is upset he exists. I’m starting to think her problem is not Diane, but a burning hatred for her brother. She’s always been varying levels of assholish toward him.

12 hours ago, boes said:

It's impossible to tell the difference between ButtBiscuit pretending to be a tool and just him on a regular day.

Pro-tip: Buttbiscuit is never pretending to be a tool. He is 100% authentic dickhammer in a dissipated mortician costume. Spying on his sister is simply adding a new layer of douchebaggery, like a fuckwrench wearing a shitchisel mask. Billy is the Swiss Army Knife of schmucks. Just don’t ask to use his corkscrew.

Gee, I’m sorry I missed Sally. There was a time I might have actually meant that. I’m surprised Nick hasn’t suggested running Adustus out of her room. He could be a straight creeper 24/7!

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Audra: I heard you’re getting married today. Congratulations.

Tucker: Where’s my gift?

Audra: Up your ass and to the left.

Tucker: Not what I wanted to hear.

Audra: There’s a minor delay.

Tucker: Not the best choice of words.

Audra: I’m working on it, dickbag.

Tucker: I don’t want anything to ruin my special day. I’m a bit of a groomzilla.

@@@@@@@

Audra: Didn’t you take the day off to attend your aunt’s wedding? 

Kyle: I’ve decided to treat my entire family like they’re escapees from an explosive diarrhea colony. I dodged my dad’s wedding, so why the hell would I attend the nuptials of a non-sperm donor?

Audra: May I join you?

Kyle: You enjoy my weak game. I’d love for you to join me.

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Abby: This all looks so beautiful, Aunt Traci.

Traci: I love weddings. I get to leave the drab offscreen world behind and act like a mother hen to you dysfunctional dips. Oh, and the drivel I get to spout is so heartwarming.

Abby: It’s just like one of your romance stories.

Traci: It’s amazing how well those turn out considering I haven’t tasted passion since triceratops roamed the earth. Oh, and you look quite lovely in that almost flesh-toned full body fabric wrap.

Ashley: The bride has arrived!

Traci: You look nervous. Are you nervous?

Ashley: Wtf, Traci.

Traci: Sorry. Tucker just seems to have so much fun trolling that I wanted to give it a go.

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Jack: I’m going to say things about Tucker McCall that are nearly identical to what Ashley says about you. Don’t point it out. I’m well aware.

Diane: Are you sure you want to go? I definitely do. This dress makes me feel like a superhero.

Jack: Peptogirl and the Swoosh. Yeah, we have to go. It’s all part of the game.

Diane: Sometimes I think we’re all trying to play cribbage on a Monopoly board with marbles and Scrabble tiles. Then Billy inhales the word buttbiscuit and we all lose.

Jack: You’re worried about Billy, aren’t you?

Diane: I think we’re asking too much of him. Exposing him to the temptation to betray you is like playing chicken with a chicken. One of you gets poked in the eye and there’s shit everywhere.

Jack: I still trust that big dummy. Maybe it’s his ‘I’m shilling final expense benefit plans’ suit or that intense ‘no, I’m not a reanimated corpse, now follow me into this crawlspace’ gaze. He cares about the family business.

@@@@@@@

Victor: TuckerMcCall, I’ll be damned.

Tucker: Definitely.

Victor: You finally tricked Ashley into marrying you.

Tucker: For the second time. She might just be a smitten kitten.

Victor: Do you know what you are? A third rate con artist You remind me of Benjamin Franklin, k? We were working on a new method for powering mills at the local tavern. Horse farts. That’s where the term horsepower comes from, k? I was in a foul mood, the weather turned bad and Ben was being a damned know it all. I told him to go fly a kite, k? The rest is history. He stole my thunder, you got that?

Tucker: You guys had a real stormy relationship. LOL!

Victor: I’ll tell you something else. Ashley is only going through with this sham marriage to spite Jack and Diane.

Tucker: How odd that despite years of Ashley’s creepy, unnatural attachment to your grave scented ass, you still have no clue about what drives her. Spiting her brother is just icing on the wedding cake.

Victor: You fool. Ashley will never leave her father’s company. That means your new company is a ruse. Ashley plans to take over Jabot, and you’re along for the ride. Get your own car, hippie.

Tucker: To you, sir, I say “duh.”

Victor: I know you two bought that European company as a base to start your own business.

Tucker: I must say I’m impressed, mainly because it’s in the script.

Victor: Ashley is playing you, k? I’d bet you $100, but fuck Ben Franklin with a muzzleloader.

Tucker: I shall float to my wedding on a cloud of your well wishes.

Victor: Ride a farting horse instead, k? I’ll die on that damn hill!

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Chelsea: Don’t you look handsome? Like the world’s sexiest funeral director.

Billy: It’s the suit. Very slimming to my nostrils. You look.. lovely. Shiny shit brown is still shit brown, yo.

Chelsea: Thank you. I’m rather nervous about this wedding. The vibes aren’t quite right.

Billy: I need you to keep my raggedy ass in line.

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Abby: This is a great time to interrogate you about the truce I brokered between you and Uncle Jack.

Ashley: Blah blah blah Jack.

Abby: Look, Jack doesn’t see what a conniving weasel you are, but I can see you’ve redlined past the Phyllis limit when it comes to Jabot and Diane.

Ashley: foams at mouth.

Abby: You know, you seem stressed. You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to.

Ashley: I must get married. I’ll tell you this, though. If that twit fucks me over again, I’ll turn his ass inside out so he’s genuinely full of shit.

Abby: Not if I kill him first. Ha ha. It’s funny because I ran him over with a car once.

@@@@@@@@

Chelsea: What seems to be the problem, William?

Billy: I’m just so deep and sensitive that this high stakes undercover mission for Jabot is really testing my resolve.

Chelsea: I see.

Billy: I told you about Jack and Diane wanting me to spy on Ashley and Tucker. I needed to discover their game plan. This is the kind of operation you only see in critically acclaimed thrillers.

Chelsea: You did tell me, and by telling me again, you’ve wasted valuable time we could have spent discussing my feelings.

Billy: Ashley’s plan is absolutely diabolical. It’s heinous. I am legit the only thing standing between Jack and a cosmetics apocalypse. By the way, write down “apocalypstick”. Jabot is going to capture the youthful edge lord market with that shit.

Chelsea: To the point, Billy. I have an urge to stop at Bob’s Big Boy before we land at the wedding.

Billy: She wants me to provoke Diane into a downward spiral of madness and bad decisions that will crater Jabot and leave it vulnerable to her new company. Then she and Tucker will put me in charge of Jabot.

Chelsea: So Jack would be out of the company, betrayed by both siblings, destroyed by Diane and ripe for plucking by that vulture Phyllis.

Billy: I know, I know. It’s very tempting. It’s my dad’s legacy, I love my sister and backstabbing Jack is like pushing the button on a dopamine injector. There’s still a charming rogue inside me who believes in chasing the odds and the thrill of the gamble. Holy fuck, I’m deep.

Chelsea: It would be nice to have someone charming inside me.

Billy: Just make sure I don’t give into my wild, untamed nature. Watch me like a hawk. A turd brown hawk.

Chelsea: After all you’ve done for me, I’d think you could do more. But I’ll smell your farts at the ceremony if you’ll huff mine tonight.

Billy: I’m getting a raging nose boner as we speak.

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Abby: You look amazing. Now let’s do something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Ashley: This isn’t my first rodeo. Your father used to let the clowns watch.

Abby: I like traditions! My favorite is the one where you get to move into the family mansion of the spouse you cheated on. Yay traditions! Here’s gift number one.

Ashley: It’s the Medicalert bracelet from when you developed that dill allergy.

Abby: I was ten. You bought it for me at a real jewelry shop in Paris. I felt so grown up, even though I’d cried so hard when I had to give up that fancy herb bread.

Ashley: That dill dough from your favorite patisserie would have wrecked you, honey.

Abby: Here’s a collection of naked pictures of you.

Ashley: What? Oh, my baby book. Where on earth did you get this?

Abby: I found it in a box of Dina’s old stuff. I was rooting around in the Abbott attic, looking desperately for the fucks I used to give about all my family’s bullshit. Fucks not found, but that was.

Ashley: I miss Mom. I wonder what she’d say if she were here right now.

Abby: Knowing Dina, probably good-bye.

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Kyle: Tell me what’s going on. Come on. Please, please, please.

Audra: Knowledge is power, Kyle. I don’t know if I trust you not to use my problem against me.

Kyle: You know what else is power? This hair.

Audra: It’s just a personal thing I need to take care of.

Kyle: Same with my hair. Is there any way I can get you to confide in me?

Audra: Perhaps we should continue this conversation upstairs.

Kyle: Deploying Pompadour of Love.

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Victor: Security? Grimace is running around my damn house again. Why don’t you just let the Hamburglar and Ronald McDonald hold ground beef orgies in my den?

Nikki: Victor, what are you shouting about?

Victor: Never mind, Security. Hello, my baby. Ashley is actually going to marry that bastard McCall!

Nikki: Perhaps one day I’ll give a thought to how Ashley spends her time. We have more pressing problems to deal with. Their names are Nate and Audra.

Victor: Nate and Audra? They are of no consequence.

Nikki: Naturally I forbade the rabble to breathe a single word about the unwholesome idea of merging Newman Media with Adam’s little lark. Yet Nate had the audacity to suggest it to Victoria. You see, he wanted to get both of us on board before you returned from your ancestral homeland. Very suspicious.

Victor: The peasants become more unruly with each passing century.

Nikki: Then Audra approached me with the very same idea. I gave her my most disdainful ‘I can smell every ounce of flatulence ever released by your pert bottom’ sneer and reminded her to never make eye contact with you.

Victor: I see. Tell me what you make of it, k? I need to dunk on somebody today after Tucker blocked me at the rim. His unflappability and sass reminds me of Socrates. Everyone believes he was made to drink hemlock as a punishment for his outlandish philosophy. Nonsense! He choked on a seashell while making a smart remark about the village toga maker’s wife, k?

Nikki: Um. Well, of course Nate is simply being his ambitious self, trying to impress you with his business savvy and efficiency. Victoria cooled his ardor using her feminine wiles and he promptly retreated. I cannot see what Audra has to gain by giving Adam power over her realm.

Victor: Who benefits from all this maneuvering?

Nikki: Adam.

Victor: Obviously. Now I’m in the mood for a Happy Meal, yougotthat?

@@@@@@@

Kyle: Now that’s what I call a business conference.

Audra: It’s called chemistry.

Kyle: I flunked that in school. Our sexytimes are more like gym class. I rubbed my thighs raw climbing that rope, if you know what I mean.

Audra: Not really.

Kyle: Tell me your troubles.

Audra: Something has come up from when I worked with Tucker and it could bite me on the butt.

Kyle: I wish I’d known you were into that.

Audra: Someone is holding the information over my head, and if I don’t somehow convince Victor to merge two companies, they’ll make it public. Worse yet, they want it done yesterday. I could have my career ruined. You could lose your job too.

Kyle: Hmmmm. Are you getting anywhere with the Newmans?

Audra: No. it’s like talking to a wall. Or Nick. Nothing works.

Kyle: This is about Adam, right? He is the root of all evil. I know how to handle that guy.

Audra: You’re going to whine to your father until Adam gives up and goes away?

Kyle: My idea is so simple, yet so bold, daring and outside the box that it will change the whole game.

Kyle jumps out of bed, completely naked except for a single sock. He pulls a whiteboard out of parts unknown and sketches an esoteric string of numbers, variables and cryptic symbols. He completes his plan with a flourish, having drawn a stick figure with the name Adam next to it and a big red X over both.

Kyle: Brilliant, right?

Audra: How did I not come up with this? I’m going to put this in motion ASAP.

Kyle: I think I’ll rub one out before the wedding. Katherine had an extensive hat display in the foyer that Abby maintains, so it’s best to milk it dry. You never know when a nurse’s cap might try some sexual healing on you.

@@@@@@@@

Abby: I’m sorry Dominic couldn’t be your ring bearer today.

Tucker: Hey, I’m sorry he caught that invisibility bug from Harrison.

Ashley: PSSSSSST! Abby!

Abby: What is it, Mom?

Ashley: Is everyone here? Because I’m getting married. This shit is going down today, hell or high water.

Abby: Uncle Jack, Diane and Aunt Traci aren’t here yet. I’m sure they’ll be here soon.

Ashley: Fuck ‘em. That’s what Miss Manners would say. Diane probably had them stop somewhere so she could kick a stray cat. I’m not waiting around to get married.

Jack: Sorry we’re late! I hope I didn’t miss anything, like Ash tearfully declaring she can’t go through this.

Ashley: Go stick your dick in a food processor, nerd. Let’s get this show on the road!

Traci: I’m so glad I worked so diligently on a wedding that was about to start without me.

Father Dingleberry: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today, in a mansion capable of holding significantly more people. This is really it, huh? Ah well, have you two written your own vows?

Tucker: I’m going to wing it.

Ashley: That’s what we do. We wing things.

Tucker: Charming banter.

Ashley: Weird flirty banter. Don’t mind me if I say I love you like I’m admitting to a crime.

Father Dingleberry: I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss my ass.  Genoa City’s high society weddings blow.

Kyle: Looks like I missed everything. That’s a real shame.

Traci: No, the real shame is in your walk. You reek of sex.

Chelsea: Congratulations! We’re so happy we could be here to enrich your nuptials.

Billy: What she said.

Ashley: Congratulate me, Jack.

Jack: I’ll let Peptogirl do the honors.

Diane: I wish you well. In hell.

Devon: Congratulations… Dad. Cringes.

Tucker: What the hell, kid?

Devon: I thought I might be smote by divine forces for calling someone other than Neil dad.

Tucker: I’ll stand a few feet away from you for a week just in case, son.

Abby: Hey, we won’t have to fight about which grandparent to spend the holidays with! Yay!

Jack: Ash, I have a wedding gift for you. I’m releasing all your Jabot related assets back to you, no strings attached. Don’t read the fine print. I also included Diane’s deed to your headspace, in case you want to evict her. She’s been living there rent free, you know.

Ashley: Well played, you bastard.

Abby stares at her mother with great intensity. She could feel a sense of foreboding, an undercurrent of trouble making the hair on her arms stand up. Ashley was about to pull some shit, like a team of oxen pulling a fertilizer factory.

Billy: Another successful mission. I maintained my cool, suave demeanor.

Chelsea: I wonder if Abby knows that bowel movement brown is ideal for camouflaging nips.

@@@@@@@@@@@@

Victor: I’ll be damned. Audra is here.

Nikki: Oh these impertinent peons! I may come down with the vapors if she brings up the merger again.

Victor: Send her in, k?

Audra: Mr. Newman, Mrs. Newman. I didn’t expect to find you both here.

Nikki: I live here, you trollop. If you’re here to discuss the merger, save your unearned breath.

Audra: I’ve got a problem and decided I needed to lay my cards on the table. Adam has dealt me a bad hand and my back is against the wall. He’s pressuring me to sell the merger.

Victor: Did you know I used to play cards with King Tut? Of course, the cards were either papyrus or stone, so it was easy to cheat. Which I did with reckless abandon. Technically I own half of Luxor, Egypt, yougotthat? 

 

 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Sentencing Phyllis to community service is more of a punishment for Genoa City than it is a form of restitution. What is she going to do? Polish the dumpsters around town until they’re clean enough to hump on? Raise money for velour awareness? What a joke.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

It’s Fuck Off Friday at the Young & the Restless! Who, in the great metropolis of Genoa City, needs to fuck off today? I’m glad you asked!

Hey, Nikki, can I interest you in the merger of fuck and off? Swanning about GC with your nose in the air, barking orders and issuing edicts like some third rate banana republic general. His lordship Nosferatu does not like the idea of a merger, thus it must never be brought up again. One does not defy the mummified autocrat! You suck at business, civility and raising employee morale. Your kids suck too.

Victoria, I think there is something you and Adam can agree on, and that is that you both should fuck off. Cry about Victor undermining you, turn around and kowtow to the old poltergeist, rinse and repeat. It’s sad that Summer learned to distance herself from a toxic parent before you did. Your father wants to keep the two companies separate because he wants you and Adam to fight. Dumbass.

Adam, buddy, you gotta fuck off with this Newman Media obsession. I believe Adustus is actually Latin for “off may you fuck.” Newman Media is just a stand in for Sally. We all know it. You can also shove the condescension you’re dripping all over Sharon and Audra directly up your toot chute.

Nate: Check out this smarmy, bootlicking coward. To be fair, he did warn Audra that he was only looking out for number one; to be fairer, his quick departure from the plan still makes him look like a number two. The whole Newman Media/Adustus/Kirsten saga is dumb and boring, and Nate’s balls out ambition and slimy maneuvering is just one PART of the problem. Maybe he’ll be promoted to CFO. I think you know what that stands for.

Lauren: Are you out of your damn mind? What exactly do you get out of this friendship besides empty, flowery words? Fuck off for your own benefit.

Phyllis: The reigning champion in this category, ladies and gentlemen. Sure, Carson stuck around after Jeremy Stark paid him and peeped in the window hoping to catch some hot raptor on velour action. Sure he did. Everything you did, you did for your kids. Blowing up that ambulance with some poor sucker’s body inside has paid serious dividends for Daniel and Summer. Swim a victory lap in your crocodile tears, asshole. Caw caw!

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

54 minutes ago, Snaporaz said:

Ok, granted I am a little dense, but I can't understand what Ashley and Tucker expect Billy to do.

It’s clear as mud. Ashley is dead certain that Diane is going to magically fail at her job because of some innate evil quality that Diane possesses. I guess Billy is meant tap into that and nudge Diane toward… I don’t know, buying a sex yacht to lose in a poker game? It’s all vague hand waving nonsense. Ashley is just thrilled to have Billy agree with her that it’s crucial to destroy Jack and Jabot in order to save them. Her plan seems to be wishful thinking and trying to manifest Diane’s downfall through the power of concentrated vitriol.

This show should be called The Vague & the Illogical. 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

I feel like JG is trying to bore the audience into a catatonic state because he absolutely hates us. I was going to recap today, but I think summarizing the key points will suffice.

Audra: Every single person was a dick to me today. Even Diane, who knows what it’s like to be shunned. I’mma start calling “the singer” something new. “The rock star” should suffice.

Nate: I’ll be a total dick to Audra today. Then I’ll use my actual dick to persuade Victoria to accept my sweet business plan. I hope no one drops a truth bomb on me today.

Abby: Let me help. Let me help. Please let me help. I don’t think I actually helped.

Tucker: They see me trolling, they be hating.

Jack: Ashley claims that Diane turned me into an insipid dope. I’ve been a hopelessly romantic nitwit for years before Diane ever returned. Speaking of Diane, I hope she finds the other shoulder to her outfit.

Diane: Kyle will love it if I’m mean to his girlfriend. I have no idea why I’m stanning his marriage to that lying liar who lies. My day will be a success if I get the chance to crack Nikki’s face.

Victoria: When Nate came into the office and said he was happy to find both me and my mother in one place, I thought he was going to suggest a threesome. I was a little intrigued.

Nikki: Someone dares defy Victor in business matters? He was there at the founding of the Dutch East India Company, so I’m certain he knows best. Possessing different ideas than Victor is heresy, blasphemy and sacrilege. I shall have the servants give the oubliette a brisk sweep and place a bucket for Nate’s bodily functions.

Ashley: My father’s legacy must be protected at all costs, even if it means gambling on Billy. Daddy would be so proud that I’m going to stab his beloved son in the back, using his less beloved son to do it. I’ll place Jabot under my new company’s umbrella while trading on Jabot’s built in customer base and sterling reputation. Could anything represent John Abbott more perfectly? P.S. I am not a crackpot.

Billy: My sister is a crackpot. I resent her exploiting my natural ability to radiate big prick energy to benefit herself. Maybe I’m too good at this asshole thing. I don’t like the way Tucker is smirking at me. I think I’ve been made.

Adam: Today I’m going to embrace my inner douchebag. Adustus Adustus Adustus. Fuckin’ amazing word. Why does Nick eat a lightbulb every time I say it? Audra needs to give me Newman Media like yesterday. Why doesn’t that statutory rapist have a name? Jesus christ, make one up! 

 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

I still can’t believe the unintentional comedy gold of Summer on that goddamn roller coast. Was I supposed to cheer? Laugh until I ruptured my own appendix? Develop a phobia of giant face holes? Too late, show: Billy’s nostrils have already scarred me for life.

I hope that when any of us fake our own death, frame an innocent woman for murder, kill a man and knowingly make our children accessories, we, too, will be able to expedite our hearing and sit our boney maroney asses down before a judge who conveniently has nothing else scheduled. I wonder if Judge Doody went to the same law school as the B&B judge who let Sheila Carter walk free? 

The Heather actress deserves an Emmy for claiming Phyllis showed great character with a straight face. I legit laughed out loud. 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Yesterday we had Victoria’s heartfelt soliloquy about love and the cruel ways in which it has eluded her. Who wasn’t touched in their special place as she declared herself exceptional in many things, except, alas, her ass taste in men? Today we were once again given a light frisking of our souls during the Liberation of Summer Newman Abbott, bobblehead. Remember, my friends, do not stare long into the abyssal pie hole lest it gaze back into you as it rides a roller coast while jarringly bad music plays.

As a woman, nothing is more relatable to me than the existential struggles of two privileged nepo baby dipshits. When I see a JG script play out, I think “this guy gets me.”

Daniel and Mariah are starting a greeting card company and were testing different cliches, emotional high fructose corn syrup and and moist nuggets of parental wisdom glurge on Lucy, right? I rarely think this, but Daniel and Mariah really needed to shut the fuck up.

Thus ends the saga of Jeremy Stark, a tale told by a fucking idiot, full of crap and nonsense and signifying a shart in velour pantaloons. Phyllis wouldn’t recognize the truth if it hopped a ride on one of the rabid hamsters dancing the quickstep in her head. Yes, it’s hard finishing a storyline sometimes, but I find launching the villain into the sun’s sweltering core via giant trebuchet is a reliable narrative move. Show can spring for a cheesy amusement park ride that looks like a scene from every cornball 80’s family sitcom intro ever, but the tightwads in charge can’t splurge on a green screen shot of Phyllis tumbling through space?

I’m starting to see why Chance and Sharon hooked up. They both love giving advice and providing free therapy. I hope he stops asking Summer to unload all her emotional garbage on him before I lose all respect for him. It’s such a one sided friendship

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Nate: Back so soon? I thought I had a few days to part my hair.

Victoria: Let’s fuck.

@@@@@@@@

Phyllis: Whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. You want assurances that if I become your company’s tech officer, I’ll behave? That I’m contrite about blowing up my life with psychological C4? Where is this all coming from?

Sharon: Look, bish, this is more than a business to me. Cameron Kirsten was a shit eating toad taint. I want to cleanse the stain he left, make something good out of the bad. You can appreciate that, right?

Phyllis: Oh, because I’m poison? Cyanide in human form? Like the Joker would squeeze me and use my juices to formulate a toxin to murder Gotham? How rude.

Sharon: Karma is a bitch. A messy bitch. I’d hate for there to be collateral damage when she launches a nuke directly up your scrawny ass.

@@@@@@@@

Summer: Can we be civil today, you two faced ratfucker?

Daniel: When we talk about our mom? Maybe.

Summer: Oh lord, is this about Christine’s silly blah blah about putting me in jail? Dude, superheroes don’t get arrested. I’m Supergirl!

Daniel: And your civilian identity is a puckered asshole? Look, Summer, you fucked around. It’s time to find out. Christine will be your tour guide.

Summer: Oh, you. She’s just trying to rizz up my mom.

Daniel: What? I don’t think you’re using that right. Also, didn’t Mom tell you about the deal? I mean, since you’re up each others blowholes these days.

Summer: Deal?

Daniel: All our mother has to do is plead guilty to all charges and you won’t see the inside of a jail cell.

Summer: Noooooooooo! Caw caw caw!

@@@@@@@@@@

Tucker: What the fuck, Audra? What the fucking fuck? Malice or incompetence? Both? I am feeling very not zen right now.

Audra: Don’t crash into my pad like a common Phyllis and step to me.

Tucker: Did you do it to screw me over? A little time bomb to blow up in my face years later? Did you just compare me to Phyllis? What the fuck?

Audra: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Tucker: A singing perv who scammed on underage girls? I told you to take care of that.

Audra: I did. I suppose you want to blame me because some hack got a hold of your character and implied he was statutory rape tolerant lest he get the upper hand on beloved heroine Phyllis?

Tucker: I fired all those public relations motherfuckers for their bad advice and ass covering. And Phyllis is more like heroin. Horse doctored with uppers and formaldehyde.

Audra: That’s a terrible thing to say. No one would ever smuggle Phyllis through customs in their anus.

@@@@@@@@@@

Victoria: You and my mom ran Newman for a few days. How did it go?

Nate: Smooth as me. We cleaned out the banana bunker and gained space for 50 cubicles.

Victoria: Good. I wanted to hire security to monitor Newman’s security team.

Nate: She even invited my fine ass to lunch.

Victoria: She better not be trying to steal you.

Nate: I mean, I’d tap Nikki if macking MILFs could grease the skids to the top. She just wanted to have a frank discussion about us and my intentions.

Victoria: How adorkable. What did you tell her?

Nate: I friend zoned your ass. Well, and I did dangle the possibility of falling in love, although I’m sort of in a committed relationship with myself right now.

Victoria: I approve. I’m not really into serious relationships anymore after my illness faking husband turned into the son of an oilman with the menacing quotient of a baby otter wearing a pompom hat.

Nate: I also was very direct and told her I saw us running Newman together, side by side. We just have such an incredible connection, we could run the world, to be honest.

Victoria: I like what we have. You wring my mop out when I need it and agree with everything I say.

Nate: You confirm my high opinion of my own business skills, sexual prowess and follicular architecture techniques. We’re the perfect couple.

@@@@@@@@

Daniel: Mom needs to take that deal. I know she won’t, because she’s a sleeveless horror, but if she cared as much as she says -

Summer: You’re a fool, Daniel. What good is Mom to us in jail? There are plenty more relationships in my life she hasn’t ruined yet.

Daniel: I’ve always wondered what it would be like to explain quantum mechanics to a spaghetti squash. This must be close.

Summer: You don’t understand our bond, Daniel. Our shared Newmanity. You didn’t receive the gift of being raised by Phyllis because you were such an ugly baby she had to give you to Danny, who fortunately lost his sight after staring into Mom’s veneers.

Daniel: Did she tell you that?

Summer: Maybe. We’re more than mother and daughter, Daniel. I am but an extension of my mother’s identity, a conduit for her agenda, a chip off the old cookie.

Daniel: You’re describing the child of a narcissist. Oh, and an asshole.

Summer: I’m telling Mommy, boy scout! Caw caw!

@@@@@@@@

Audra: Who gives a shit about any of this? You did the right things when you realized what was going on.

Tucker: You sent me an email that said “Everything taken care of. Hands clean”! Do you know how that sounds? What the fuck, Audra?

Audra: Why is this coming out now? Getting too popular for your own good?

Tucker: One of the Newman brats is in charge of my old company or hadn’t you noticed? Jesus, Audra, Bouffant Boy is making you soft.

Audra: Better than the reverse. Yes, I’m aware that Adam is in charge of McCall now. So he went dumpster diving for dirt to throw?

Tucker: Fix this shit. Yesterday. It can bite both of us on our saucy, well-sculpted hineys. Don’t forget that Adam wants Newman Media and can use this bullpucky as leverage.

Audra: Goddamn it, Tucker. Next time read the bylaws of Genoa City. You don’t get to show up Victor, Nicholas or Phyllis without getting kicked in the dick. I don’t know which one you pantsed, but at least wear a cup to your next troll session.

@@@@@@@@@

Adam: I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation and since it wasn’t headed toward a catfight, I decided to come over and up the entertainment factor.

Sharon: Pig.

Phyllis: Sharon was just airing her concerns. Her concerns. She’s got some wild idea that karma has it in for me and doesn’t want to catch strays.

Adam: I support that wholeheartedly. I feel like I’m always Nick’s karmic human shield.

Phyllis: I personally feel attacked when Sharon accurately describes my behavior.

Sharon: I didn’t intend to be hurtful. It’s a lovely bonus though.

Adam: I believe Phyllis when she says she wants this to work.

Phyllis: I do. I really do. I do.

Sharon: Yeah, well, I’m a realist. I really need to see Phyllis be a positive, constructive force instead of a roaring shit tsunami across the river Styx.

Adam: Speaking of fecal waves, my gut is telling me that Phyllis is on her best behavior and that sneaking one of Nick’s gas station burritos off his plate isn’t as funny as I thought.

Phyllis: I’m sure we’ll all work together dandy fine. Fine and dandy. Remember working at Restless Style, Sharon? Remember?

Sharon: I remember you and Nicholas trying to photocopy “a fuck” at the office and Jack artfully convincing the copier technician that an intern spilled glue on it.

Phyllis: Nick must have been giving himself a hand, because I prefer sex romps in outdoor environments.

Adam: Since we’re on the topic of trash, I remember when Restless Style went from fashion mag to tabloid. You guys took plenty of shots at me.

Sharon: That was mostly Billy. He was evolving into his current Buttbiscuit state. I’m glad I got to fuck him when he was still appealing and before his nostrils dilated enough to expel the Rock of Gibraltar with a sneeze.

Adam: I’ve got to get home before my ass explodes. Goddamn Nick.

Phyllis: Nick and Sharon weren’t too excited to have me on board, I hear.

Adam: I went rogue. Seriously, I gotta run before there’s a mudslide.

@@@@@@@

Daniel: I want my mother to take Christine’s sweet deal.

Heather: Who cares? You’re not a defense attorney.

Daniel: I know when a rabid animal needs to be caged.

Heather: I will advise my client to turn down any such deal. How dare the prosecutor ply Phyllis with coercion and other such legal bullshit. I object!

Daniel: I don’t want Summer to go to prison. Mom’s got her brainwashed into thinking it’s them against the world. 

Heather: Summer’s not my client. Fuck Summer. Double and triple fuck Summer.

Daniel: This escalated quickly.

Heather: This is about my father, isn’t it? He dumped Christine’s azz like a pair of relaxed fit jeans.

Daniel: Oh yeah? Christine spent years in a frigid marriage while your dad’s dick was buried in a denim casket. I bet my dad has been scratching her itch whenever he comes to town. You’ve been served, Counselor.

@@@@@@@

Phyllis: How the fuck did you get in my room?

Tucker: Your room? Is this your room? I honestly couldn’t tell the difference between this room and mine. Sometimes the vases are on the opposite side of the bed, but otherwise…

Phyllis: Your appearance tells me I’m winning. Winning. I take everything as a sign of victory in order to preserve my self image as the main character in the story of humanity.

Tucker: Can I ask you something? Why, when you’re sitting across the table from someone, do you lean way over the table, nearly scraping your chin on your plate while undulating and bobbing your head? I’m reminded of a cobra with vertigo. I thought about hiring a mongoose to take you out.

Phyllis: Ssssssssss.

Tucker: I’ve got a deal for you. You got me. You got me good.

Phyllis: I did? Was it that thingy about… hmmmm… oh that statutory rape situation? Situation. It was rather convenient that no one ever stumbled across it and Adam found it in less than 24 hours after he inexplicably agreed to help me.

Tucker: Well, you’re just that good. I can admit when I’ve been licked. Definitely not an invitation, by the way.

Phyllis: Hah! I bet you’d rather eat glass than acknowledge my superior gamesmanship.

Tucker: I just did? Look, I’m bored with the whole Phyllis thing. Here’s my offer. Every last byte of those supposedly incriminating files get obliterated. You show me absolute proof it’s done. I give you whatever you need in order to flaunt your vindictive criminality in the face of justice.

Phyllis: Mr. Stache. He’s the only one who can clear me. Clear me. He knows I killed Jeremy in self defense. Self. Defense.

Tucker: LOL! Wink. You’re paying the piper for perjury though. Man, my butt itches - oh, hi, Summer. It’s… something to see you.

Summer: What the hell are you doing here? Huh? Huh?

Tucker: Checking on your lovely mother, of course. Stay classy, Summer. Bye, Phyllis.

@@@@@@@@

Tucker: Did you two crazy kids move in up there? Good for you. You have a very graceful walk of shame.

Victoria: And here you sit, alone.

Tucker: Sick burn, kid. My fiancee is out lying to her daughter right now about not being obsessed with Diane.

Nate: Don’t you have anything better to do? We do. Running a corporation.

Tucker: Yeah, I get to fuck the boss of my new company too. I guess Audra is doing a good job at your little media concern? You, uh, keeping a close eye on her?

Nate: I get it. She got done with your nonsense and you’re bitter. Well, we have complete confidence in Audra Charles.

Tucker: It’s no secret that Adam is eyeing Newman Media. He’s also got a media company under the Newman umbrella. Kind of redundant, right? He’d probably like to absorb Newman Media like a sponge, even though the Devourer of Souls forbids it.

Victoria: Let Adam do his worst. We’ll swat him away like a fly. Which I will then eat.

@@@@@@@@

Adam: What took you so long? I’ve been waiting to say that with a smirk for a loooong time.

Audra: Why are you helping Phyllis? It makes no sense.

Adam: Don’t you get it yet, Audra? It doesn’t have to make sense. Phyllis just needs to come out on top.

Audra: She’s a hateful Tasmanian devil.

Adam: Hard agree. But them’s the rules in this open air asylum. Let’s negotiate.

Audra: There’s no need for this conveniently discovered nugget to backfire on any of us. I can assure you that Tucker didn’t know about the creeper and when he found out, he fired the PR team that covered it up.

Adam: You can’t prove you didn’t just try to cover up the cover up.

Audra: Fuck you. I don’t have to prove a negative.

Adam: No, fuck you. I’m on Team Phyllis, so I come pre-equipped with extra leverage. You know I wants the Newman Media.

Audra: And? It’s not mine to give.

Adam: So? You’ll just have to persuade my old man it’s a grand idea.

Audra: How? Be very careful how you answer that.

Adam: Borrow something from Tucker’s bag of tricks. If you’ll excuse me, I need to call the building manager about installing a new bidet.

@@@@@@@@

Summer: Why was Tucker really here? Did he… make any coffee before he left?

Phyllis: Oh you know. Just talking bidness. I am going to be working at his old company after all.

Summer: Are you lying? I’m getting weird vibes here. Everything is too neat and easy, like Carson the EMT showing up just in time to save your bacon. Now Tucker is in your room?

Phyllis: You sound like Daniel. Daniel.

Summer: Mmmmooooommmmmm! Daniel keeps putting his morals like one inch from my face and saying he’s not touching me. Waaaahhh!

Phyllis: He’s a troubled young man, Summer. Troubled.

Summer: He doesn’t get our bond or what a noble sacrifice it’s been for me to enable your worst impulses.

Phyllis: Don’t think I’m not grateful. Don’t think. I’m also high as fuck on the narcissistic supply you keep feeding me. Wheeeee!

Summer: He told me about Christine’s deal. You didn’t tell me. Why not? You’re not considering it, are you?

Phyllis: Of course I am. I’d do anything for you. I’d do anything for love, but i won’t  do that. No, I won’t do that.

Summer: You’ll keep fighting right?

Phyllis: Christine is the bug and I’m the windshield. Ha ha. It’s funny to mock the victim of my homicidal driving with car jokes.

Summer: I don’t neeed Daniel to protect me.

Phyllis: This makes me so sad.

Summer: What? That you’ve convinced me to throw myself on a grenade for you when you’re openly dodging doing the same for me?

Phyllis: Hell, no. It just sucks that you and Daniel are at odds again because of me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Sorry, my record got stuck. Anyway, I can see why Victor makes his kids fight. Talk about exhilarating!

@@@@@@@

Sharon: Have you guys been standing there like you need to tell me something all day?

Tessa: Yep!

Mariah: We literally have nothing else to do. We’re lucky we get to do this.

Sharon: So what’s the big news?

Tessa: We found the most amazing babysitter! Just amazing. We made sure that it wasn’t three goats in a trench coat too. We won’t get burned like Newman’s security team.

Sharon: That’s good. Victor has also been fooled by a giraffe in a peacoat, a seal in a windbreaker and a tortoise in a aviator’s jacket.

Mariah: Huh. Well, this leads us to even better news. I’m leaving Jabot to come work with you.

Sharon: Yahoo! It’ll be so much fun working together. And with Phyllis.

Mariah: Phyllis. Yay. Are you okay with Adam hiring her?

Sharon: No, but the spell binding me to Crimson Lights has been broken, so I can tolerate almost anyone while in the outside world. Can you start right away? I have been working way too much lately. Nick’s writing proposals in emojis, Adam is writing Sally’s name all over his notebook like a dumbass teenager. His Samsung notebook.

Tessa: Leaving no time to dance in Chance’s pants.

Sharon: When I took off his jeans for the first time, he was going commando. I wasn’t ready. I experienced five minutes of psychosomatic blindness. Mere mortals were not meant to gaze at monuments to vitality crafted by angels.

Mariah:…

Tessa:…

@@@@@@@

Daniel: Yo, Tucker. I’ve seen you hanging around my mother. Stay away, bro.

Tucker: Aren’t you cute? Leans over, ruffles Daniel’s hair.

@@@@@@@@@

Heather: I’m here to impugn your integrity, shame, excoriate and belittle you as a person, lawyer and former stepmother.

Christine: I’m listening.

Heather: How dare you approach my client and use her daughter against her!

Christine: I should have done it in a legal setting, certainly. Stayed in my lane, so to speak.

Heather: Is this legal dumpster fire burning because Phyllis ran over you and my father? Get over it! Phyllis is cool now.

Christine: Lol, what? She admitted to killing a man. Even if it’s self defense, she still disrespected his body by throwing it in a lake. She blew up a goddamn ambulance! That’s an offense against the taxpayers.

Heather: Jeremy Stark coerced her, like you’re trying to coerce her. Coerce coerce coerce. It’s my favorite new word.

Christine: Congratulations on joining the Phyllis is a Victim cult.

Heather: I had already stipulated that I’d be willing to have my client plea to velour related misdemeanors and pay restitution in the amount of $18.95 to the Stark estate for the slashed tuxedo jacket. Don’t you want to look tough on fabric crimes, you stupid cow?

Christine: You owe me an apology. You’ve been a weapons grade, platinum plated fuckwit who has done nothing but slag me because you’re stuck with a flaming bag of canine rump rockets in the form of an indefensible client.

Heather: Coercion! Bullying! Prejudicial! Misconduct! Objection!

Christine: Are you for real right now? You’re gaslighting me and anyone who might be listening.

Heather: I’m going to the judge and getting you thrown off the case! You’re in the banana republic of Genoa City now, bitch!

Christine: The jokes on you. I convinced Lucy to upholster your entire home in denim. Good luck finding your father, asshole.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

I just love it when Daniel reads Phyllis for filth. The look on his face when Taz wasn’t willing to take the deal was perfect. Now if he could just realize that idiot Summer needs to face her consequences too, as she was definitely an adult who chose to do the wrong thing. Daniel, buddy, losing her marriage isn’t some credit that can be applied to potential criminal liability. Summer and her mother both need to take their medicine. They’re not victims.

2 hours ago, pvandal said:

I realize it's Victor, but if the town can get forget knowing he had a Jack impersonator rape Phyllis for months, I doubt anyone would look twice at Tucker's cover up involving people they don't know.

Victor wears a cloak of plot invincibility, allowing him to facilitate the sexual assaults of Phyllis, Jack and Billy and still be an inexplicably respected member of society. Everyone already calls Tucker a snake, which we’re meant to accept as gospel because why show when you can (repeatedly) tell. Victor and Phyllis are both pieces of shit who always win because hack writer doesn’t realize how fucking boring that is.

Dirtying up other characters doesn’t make the pre-ordained winners any less awful, but JG keeps stepping on that rake.

If I was Sharon, I would have slapped Adam silly for implying Nick was her true love. No woman wants to hear that bullshit. He was so ridiculously transparent  and transparently ridiculous. Then we have Sharon trying to sell Nick’s and Sally’s gross relationship and rubbing it in to Adam. Give it a rest, show.

So Ashley’s vengeance is more important to her than genuinely making things right with her daughter. And it looks like she’s already preparing to shift all the blame onto Buttbiscuit. She and Phyllis are true soul sisters.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

I’m traveling to meet my new great nephew, so I can’t watch until later tonight. Please, someone warn me if there’s high Nick or Summer content. 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Chance: Hey, Sharon. Guess what’s in the basket?

Sharon: Oh dear. Nick used to play this game.

Chance: I thought we might go on a picnic for breakfast. Let me serve you for once.

Sharon: I feel like you’ve served me exceptionally well.

Chance: I wanted us to get some time together before our jobs got crazy. Seeing you is the best part of my day.

Sharon: It must get lonely at the police station. All that space for one cop.

Chance: No kidding. I even find myself talking to assholes when I’m out and about.

@@@@@@@@

Jack: I’mma stand here hovering with a fancy tray. They call me Jack Abbott, the walking cliche.

Diane: How romantic! Did Tucker make the coffee this morning?

Jack: Funny. I wanted to share some mushy time before going to work and facing the asshole and nostrils.

Diane: I’m serious. Tucker was plucked from among the angels to be this home’s barista and you’ll never convince me otherwise.

Jack: Are you sure you’re happy with our little ceremony? Because I would be delighted to put on a lavish wedding, full of pageantry and shit.

Diane: All I care about is being married. Our love will surely last forever.

Jack: It’s not like we live in a soap opera. LOL!

@@@@@@@@@@

Ashley: I’m so glad we spent the night here. The Jack and Diane show is so dull.

Tucker: The reviews of the show are pretty boring too.

Ashley: I’m going to give lip service to a revelation I had. I am no longer going to try to protect Jack. Screw that guy. He never even asked me to, but I still insinuated myself in his relationship like a rabid guard dog.

Tucker: Ingrate!

Ashley: Exactly. Jabot can circle the drain like a stubborn turd. Diane will eventually clog the whole works and then they’ll see. They’ll all see. Hahaha.

Tucker: So we have to let the toilet overflow and the septic tank explode in order to save the home.

Ashley: Precisely.

Tucker: After all this erotic talk, I wish we could stay here all day and make love.

Ashley: I had my dose of vitamin D for the day. It’s time to go to work. By work, I mean plot against my brother despite my big revelation.

Tucker: Pout.

@@@@@@@@@

Devon reflects on some advice his grandmother Katherine gave him years ago. She said you always back up family. Unless they’re Nate Hastings. Then you back up over him with a midsized sedan and flip him the bird as you speed off, cackling with unbridled glee. Well, maybe she didn’t say that. But she would have. She definitely would have. Anyway, it was important to Katherine that Devon give Tucker a chance.

@@@@@@@

Billy: Good morning and congratulations again. My powerful mutant smell receptors detect intercourse and croissants.

Jack: Uncanny.

Billy: What’s the plan today? I feel like I’m starring in my own personal Mission Impossible with this corporate chess game. Do you want me to plant a bug in Tucker’s nethers?

Jack: Why on earth would you do that?

Billy: I’m sure as hell not going to be planting stuff in my own sister’s garden, perv.

Diane: Thank you again for agreeing to spy for us, Billy. You’re not our first choice, or even our second choice. In fact, you came in behind a one-eyed bobolink named Steve, who decided to join Newman security instead. You’re doing great, though.

Billy: I know. It takes a certain level of discipline to endure Ashley’s psychotic harangues, but sleeping next to crazy every night has built up a tolerance. I’ll see you back at headquarters. Stay frosty.

Jack: What a schmuck.

@@@@@@@@@

Sharon: I’m afraid I just came back to get my tablet. Nick’s pie charts turned out to be pics of him eating lemon meringue shirtless, so I’ll need to throw some together during the meeting.

Chance: Ah, well. I knew I was taking a risk. I’m not used to you being able to leave this place.

Sharon: We can do lunch.

Chance: Absolutely. Have you guys picked a company name yet?

Sharon: Right now it’s a toss up between Fuck You Adam Inc. and No Fuck You And Your Hair Nicholas LLC. 

Sharon and Chance make out and part ways.

Chance: Sigh. Party of one. How weird to be standing here with a picnic basket full of goodies and no one to share it with. Well, perhaps some asshole will conveniently meander by. This is so lame.

@@@@@@@@

Ashley: I’ve decided I can’t go two minutes without discussing Jabot.

Tucker: I’m shocked.

Ashley: Even Billy sees my point! It’s not easy to sway Billy’s loyalties, you know. What a coup!

Tucker: A guy who fucks his brother’s wife and rubs his nose in the wet spot is well nigh unbreakable. Think we can use him?

Ashley: Of course. He’s considerably smarter than I gave him credit for. It’s just a matter of how best to deploy such a versatile tool.

Tucker: But can you convince him to betray Jack again? 

Ashley: All I need to do is place him in a sensory deprivation tank and pipe in anti-Diane sentiments for 24 hours.

Tucker: Jesus. Well, speak of the sinus cavities, here’s Silly Billy now! I’ll be off to visit Devon and Dom. Ta ta, William.

Billy: Fuck.

Tucker: I heard that.

@@@@@@@

Tucker: That child gets cuter every day. Of course, so do I.

Devon: He’ll make a cute ring bearer too.

Tucker: Wonderful.

Devon: I suppose we need to address the elephant in the room.

Tucker: What? That a fine ass father and son combo scored a smoking hot mother and daughter package? Some accomplishments speak for themselves.

Devon: Dude, no. I’m talking about Ashley’s um…

Tucker: Batshit crazy fixation on Diane Jenkins? This morning she seemed to ease up on it. I’d rather focus on the wedding and our new venture together, of course, but she can be like Nick Newman with a birdhouse when it comes to her vendetta.

Devon: So you’re the rational, levelheaded one in the relationship? Damn.

Tucker: As far as you know.

Devon: Ashley doesn’t get that a sibling rivalry can have consequences beyond Jabot. It could tear the Abbott family apart. What’s that about Nick and birdhouses?

Tucker: He loves inanimate objects with openings. Put out some bird’s peeper with his pea shooter even. A bobolink, if I remember correctly.

Devon: Well. Um, so anyway, it would be great if Ashley could smooth things over with Abby. She loves her mother, but she doesn’t want to have to choose sides. She’ll pick Jack, if only because his head isn’t home to a hive full of angry bees.

Tucker: That’s fair. I’ll talk to her, work my magic. Time to head back to the club and see what intel I can pick up today.

@@@@@@@@

Diane: Everyone is leaving the company lately. Kyle, Mariah… and all we’ve added is Buttbiscuit’s boudoir buddy.

Jack: How do those resumes look?

Diane: I think Ashley sent these in. Heywood Jablome? Turd Ferguson? Dick Flapp?

Summer: Pout. Whine.

Jack: Come in, I guess. How are you?

Summer: Not good. I went to see Harrison and he told me Kyle went on a business trip.

Diane: Kyle didn’t tell you himself? Maybe he was afraid you’d follow him.

Summer: I bet he’s with that ho Audra.

Jack: Audra is his boss.

Summer: And so much more. Ho ho ho and a bottle of scum.

Diana: I don’t think Kyle would -

Summer: Would. Did. He admitted it to my face on his way up the stairs of sluttiness. He just moved on like we were nothing. Waaaahhh!

Summer runs out.

Diane: Is this where we rave about how strong and special Summer is for not buckling under the weight of her own poor decisions?

@@@@@@@@

Summer: Wow, that’s a big pic-a-nic basket. You must be hangry.

Chance: My plans for a breakfast date fell through. Shouldn’t you be at work?

Summer: My meeting was conveniently canceled. And here you are with all this extra food. Hint, hint.

Chance: Are you hungry, Summer?

Summer: No. I have no appetite. Only sorrow.

Chance: Maybe next ti-

Summer: I could watch you eat though. Let’s head for the park!

@@@@@@@

Ashley: We need to strategize. I can’t stop thinking about Diane and Jabot. It’s like wearing sandpaper underwear. It just itches and irritates and chafes your ass until you feel like you’re crapping porcupines.

Billy: I’ve tried to give Jack the benefit of the doubt. I gave Diane a chance too. I just don’t trust her. I can’t explain it, but I know you like hearing it.

Ashley: Fucking A right. Diane is going to tear this company down to the studs if we don’t go on the offensive.

Billy: By studs, you mean me, of course. I’m super worried about our dad’s company and my position. Chief talent officer is obviously a stepping stone to co-CEO. I’ve tried to talk sense into Jack, but it’s like tossing a grain of sand into my capacious sniffer. It just doesn’t land.

Ashley: La dee da, King Jack and Queen Diane lording it over the serfs at Fuckingham Palace in the kingdom of Jabot. They’ll throw us in the dungeon rather than surrender.

Billy: Yep. Jack’s the crazy one alright.

Ashley: He’s beyond help. He’s lost his marbles, his fastball and his roller skates. His head is simultaneously in the clouds and up his ass. He brought the devil into our lives and I’m the exorcist. Tell me, apple cheeks, how far are you willing to go to protect what’s ours?

Billy: Right now, I wish I was on the moon.

Ashley: Diane and Jack have allowed you into their sick, twisted inner circle. You’ll be my mole, digging straight into hell if you have to. Feed me all their nefarious plots and schemes. Use your manipulation skills to nudge Diane toward destroying Jabot. But don’t destroy it too much. Just enough so we can save it and be heroes.

Billy: I want to preserve my father’s legacy, not kick it in the head. And I don’t know if I’m comfortable pushing someone to the dark side.

Ashley: Push? Who’s pushing? Just nudge. Heck, lightly exhale in her direction.

Billy: I’ll think about it.

Tucker: I’m back! Get lost, dickhead.

@@@@@@@@@

Summer: Me me me. My problems. Kyle. I, I, I. Waaahhhhh!

Chance: Put this donut in your mouth.

Summer: Donut? Kyle loved donuts, especially donut holes. I never understood how something solid could be called a hole. Doesn’t a hole mean a lack of something? I always dreamed we’d grow old, arguing about donut terminology.

Chance: I get it. You’re grieving. You imagined a life full of pastry, working together and little pompadoured dumbass kids running around. I went through the same thing. I thought Abby and Dom and I would be a cute little family until I walked in on Devon motorboating my wife. Boom. Grief.

Summer: But you’re so chill now. Kyle is off doing naked dirty stuff with Audra and I can’t stand it. He’s still my husband. I’ve lost him before, usually in the hat store. But this time, it feels different. Like we’ll never find each other again.

Chance: It gets easier with time. There’s no avoiding your ex in the hilariously smol capitalist powerhouse of Genoa City. If you want to be involved in Harrison’s life, you’ll have to deal with Kyle.

Summer: Of course I want to be involved in Harrison’s life. We read all the same books and watch all the same shows.

Chance: Whoa, look! A Wisconsin brown footed cheese tit. They’re quite rare.

Summer: A tit? In a tree?

Chance: It’s a fascinating bird.

Summer: You some kind of tree hugging birdwatcher?

Chance: I dabble. I was a boy scout. Got merit badges in ornithology and handsomeness.

Summer: Wow! Everyone calls you a boy scout and it turns out you are one. Neat.

Chance: Literally no one calls me that.

Summer: I was in the scouts too. We were called Pout Scouts. I learned so much, like adorable facial expressions, arm crossing and how to manipulate people into thinking I’m somehow not responsible for my own actions.

Sharon: Am I interrupting something?

Chance: Yes, and thank you. I thought you had a meeting.

Sharon: I did, but I felt bad you put together this picnic and I couldn’t enjoy it, so I told Adam to eat dirt. It looks like you and Summer are enjoying yourselves so I’ll just go eat dirt with Adam.

Summer: I have to get back to work anyway. It was great looking at tits with you!

@@@@@@@@

Summer: I’m back!

Jack: Are you feeling better? I’m sorry my son is such a dumb bunny.

Summer: Not really, but with everyone’s unearned support, I will be. Plus I think I just clam jammed someone for the first time, so that’s cool. Here’s the media release about Chelsea’s hiring.

Jack: It looks good for something written in crayon. Chelsea is a good hire. I’m not a liar, but I play one at the office.

Summer: My judgement rocks. See you fine folks later!

Diane: What an asshole.

@@@@@@@@@

Sharon: Summer really needs a friend right now. No one seems to like her.

Chance: Well, I went through what she’s going through, so… 

Sharon: It’s extremely kind of you to listen to her. I also went through a similar thing, which is the only reason that potato brain exists.

Chance: I’m glad you showed up.

Sharon: Me too. Seeing you is the best part of my day. Too bad this isn’t a clothing optional park.

@@@@@@@

Billy: Ashley really should be committed. She’s cray.

Jack: Got any new information?

Billy: She wants to use me as a spy.

Jack: Predictable. You go double agent on me, you’ll be out on your Jabutt.

Billy: She also wants me to nudge Diane into hurting Jabot.

Diane: How and why would I do that?

Billy: Greed? Ambition? She thinks you’re incompetent and just need a push to blow it all to smithereens.

Jack: I feel rage.

Diane: Don’t be angry, Jack. This is very good news.

Jack: Um.

Diane: We just need to decide the best way to turn Ashley’s plot against her so that it backfires in her stupid face.

@@@@@@@@

Tucker: So do each of Billy’s nostrils have their own zip code?

Ashley: How was your visit?

Tucker: It was -

Ashley: Great. Billy is our ace in the hole, our Trojan horse’s ass. I shall use him as a tool to rend Jabot asunder! He’s a regular Swiss Army Buttbiscuit.

Tucker: If he can use those subway tunnels to uncork a bottle of wine, he can run the cash bar at our wedding. But, um, you should consider making things good with Abby.

Ashley: Everything is dandy fine with my daughter. She’ll come around, just like Billy.

Tucker: She has zero interest in a family feud. You could really risk alienating her.

Ashley: Sounds like something else to blame on Jack and Diane.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

What bothers me about Chance potentially sleeping with Summer is that makes him look like a total clown shoe with no professional ethics. Watching my mum’s recording this morning, I saw he put his badge on the table and proceeded to converse about a case he worked on with one of the potential defendants. Like what the actual fuck, dude? And then he offered to intervene on Summer’s behalf with Christine? She’s the very embodiment of the rich asshole who gets away with shit, something that allegedly sticks in his craw.

Handsomeness goes a long way, but stupid will make Chance unappealing if he keeps it up.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

My cable company decided I didn’t need to watch the show today. I finally haz vacation days and wanted to enjoy the novelty of watching on a Tuesday. I’ll try to piece together what I missed from people’s posts.

Ashley and Tucker were at the Chancellor mansion, and Ashley babbled insanely about Diane and Jack and Jabot. Devon nor Abby had access to a dart gun and elephant tranqs. Chance continues to throw away his professional integrity for a one way friendship with Phyllis’ dipshit co-conspirator. Daniel took off his shirt. Adam is going to help Phyllis because who wouldn’t help Phyllis?  Somehow, Phyllis and Summer are the true victims and heroes of this sordid tale.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Daniel: Challenge accepted! I can talk to an asshole for five minutes without wanting to suck a tailpipe. Hey, Summer!

Summer: What are you so happy about? Nerd.

Daniel: Life. Things are getting spicy with Lily and my dumbass video game is selling to rubes in South America. Plus, I wasn’t raised by Phyllis. 

Summer: I’m going to drown myself in this comically large glass.

@@@@@@@

Phyllis: Come on in, Nick.

Nick: Me Nick! Me rage! You ruin Summer and Kyle! Me no forgive!

Phyllis: Don’t try to send me on a guilt trip.

Nick: I’ll make you a deal. I’ll pay your legal bills. If you’re found innocent, you get the fuckity fuck out of town.

Phyllis: Wakes up. It was so real. He even crop dusted me.

@@@@@@@@

Mariah: How are you doing, Mom? You’re really smiling hard today.

Sharon: Have you ever seen Chance naked? I believe he was sculpted by the very hand of Zeus.

Tessa: Wut.

Sharon: I mean I’m fine. Moving forward, feeling strong.

Mariah: I just saw Faith. She’s determined to act like the kidnapping and you cutting a bitch doesn’t still bother her.

Sharon: Faith will be just fine. She’s a warrior. Both my daughters are. My son, however, is a morose mannequin.

Mariah: It’s all in the genes.

Sharon: I wish you could see what’s in Chance’s jeans. But I digress. How would you like to leave Jabot and come work for your mother?

@@@@@@@@@

Adam: So dad pulled the rug out from under us again. He’s taking charge of Adustus and putting us in time out.

Nick: Me Nick! You Adam. Adam make Nick rage. Adam try to pee on Newman Media. Dad say no! You ruin new toy. Bad Adam! Bad!

Adam: If you would just listen to my side of -

Nick: Nooooo! No listen! Me talk. You hear. Dad go to German for big money today. You dig?

Adam: I’m sorry. I didn’t study Neanderthal in college.

Nick: They didn’t teach you to be bisexual at Hah-vahd?

Adam: Bilingual.

Nick: Like that’s a word.

@@@@@@@@@

Phyllis: Caw caw!

Summer: Caw caw!

Daniel: Sigh.

Summer: Is it, like, weird being here after Diane fake killed you right over there? Or where you were a guest at your own memorial? Does Stark’s velour still linger on the palate?

Daniel: Remember how we all grieved and suffered? Good times, gooood times.

Phyllis: See, I’ve moved past that. It’s best not to dwell, not to dwell on my theatrics when I was in a dark place. Shit happens. Maybe you all could lighten up and let it go the way I have.

Daniel: Wow.

Phyllis: I can’t change the past. If I could, I’d have hit the accelerator a little harder. Alas. I can only move, only move forward. I once thought the Grand Phoenix was my greatest comeback. Comeback. I rose from the ashes, flapped my pterodactyl wings and soared. Soared, I tell you.

Daniel: Jesus Christ.

Phyllis: Yes, I’d say my comeback is on that level. Truly the greatest part of my return is building a future, a future with my beautiful hatchlings. Caw caw.

@@@@@@@@

Mariah: What would I even do at your company?

Sharon: Marketing director? Vice president of marketing? Pick a title. I’ll make it happen. Nick has already claimed “Swamp Ass Monitor”, which is seriously a good fit for him.

Mariah: I don’t know what to say.

Tessa: What if we were to repeat the pros and cons of accepting Sharon’s job until your mind goes numb?

Mariah: You really get me.

@@@@@@@@

Nick: It’s a test, bro. Dad is testing us. You’ve put us into an impossible position with your Newman Media hijinks. I once failed to solve Dad’s riddle: which is your ass and which is the hole in the ground? He took my car away for a week.

Adam: That sounds like our father. How do you not realize your butt is the one attached to you?

Nick: I was only 16, smart guy. I wasn’t worldly like the rest of my family. Man, Dad’s really got us by the short and curlies. He went to Germany to secure cash? Hell no. Victor Newman can make an ATM cough up a million bucks by just glaring at it.

Adam: So he’s laid down the law and is watching our reaction from afar. I’m actually impressed you figured this one out.

Nick: If we do nothing, I’ll probably sit in my office and have relations with an empty Pringles can. Dad will be disappointed. We won’t accomplish anything. If we make a move, we’ll look disobedient. I don’t want the old man cancelling my Xbox Game Pass Ultimate again.

Adam: You know we’re adults, right? 

@@@@@@@@@@@

Daniel: Summer and… someone are just happy you’re not dead.

Phyllis: As part of my efforts to wear figurative horse blinders and plow through life unaffected by the carnage I leave on all sides of me, I’m moving ahead with an exciting new employment opportunity.

Daniel: Dumpster management?

Summer: Velour casket lining factory?

Phyllis: Adam offered me a job.

Daniel: I’ll pretend that working for Adam will somehow make your reputation worse, more so than framing a woman for murder or killing a man and dumping his body.

Summer: If you want to polish your reputation, maybe work for someone less shady?

Phyllis: You don’t even know what my position is. Plus I have legal bills. Michael was going to give me a freebie, but I bet Heather wants to get paid. The opportunity to represent me should be its own reward.

Daniel: I can give you money. Turns out some markets aren’t very discerning about how fun their video games are.

Summer: I have plenty of extra dough now that I’m not buying Big Ass Hair mousse for Kyle. *sob*

Phyllis: Thanks, but I don’t take handouts from my children. I’ll steal a trust fund if necessary, but no charity.

Summer: I can find you something at Marchetti! Yay! It was a real blast last time.

Phyllis: I don’t think the Abbotts would be comfortable, all that comfortable with that idea. I also can’t be tactful about the visual shit buffet your new creative director will be serving up. Daniel, do you have any jobs to offer me?

Daniel: No?

Phyllis: Adam offered me the IT position because he recognizes my mad skillz.

Daniel: I heard that he had a self-destructive streak, but this is next level.

Phyllis: Wait until you hear about his partners.

@@@@@@@@

Mariah: I really hate to leave Jack in a lurch. I totally respect him. Of course, it was Kyle who hired me and he’s no longer there.

Sharon: I can talk to Jack. He sends me a weekly thank you card for rigging Summer’s paternity test.

Tessa: Is anyone at Jabot thinking about you with all the mess going on?

Mariah: It’s kind of weird there. Diane just got a big job, Ashley is engaged to Tucker and they want to pull off a coup, Billy inhaled an entire perfume line… I don’t know what the fuck is going on there.

Sharon: That sounds… challenging. I’m sure it will be nice and calm at my company with my two ex-husbands who happen to be brothers who also happen to loathe each other.

Tessa: It does sound like an exciting opportunity. No pressure.

Sharon: Right. No pressure. It’s just that my company needs someone who will hit the ground running, think outside the box and challenge the current paradigm. Someone driven, dynamic and creative. Why do I sound like a soulless middle manager?

Mariah: I’ll think about it. I promise.

@@@@@@@@@

Adam: Well, if this is a test, let’s choose the lesser of two evils. We’ll take action. If we just sit around waiting for Dad to finish communing with the vampires of Deutschland, the company will be too far behind to save.

Nick: Doucheland? LOL! Is that where you were born?

Adam: Yeah, well, you were conceived when Victor farted on Nikki.

Nick: You turd tongued fuck fish.

Adam: What’s with that goddamned hair, guy? It’s like an oil tanker wrecked itself on a pile of elephant dung.

Nick: Back to business, buttmunch. We need to make a splash. Launch something amazing. Really get people talking and put our competitors on notice.

Adam: I didn’t hear a single actual idea in there.

Nick: Here’s one. Adustus is straight cheeks as a company name. It’s time to change it.

@@@@@@@@@

Daniel: Okay, let’s focus on the future. You’ve got this new job with Adam. What happens when you’re serving time at a maximum security prison?

Phyllis: If it comes to that, I suppose I’ll have to sit in my cell, telling my cellmate what it was like, what it was really like to be on top. Then I’ll have to shank someone in the yard to establish my dominance.

Summer: Don’t be silly, Mom. Carson Stache’s statement to the cops is your ticket to freedom. His testimony in court will seal the deal.

Phyllis: Maybe. Maybe.

Daniel: I read a study that jurors find large mustaches comforting and a sign of reliability. Plus that dude has done a lot of porno. I used to be hooked on the stuff. Carson’s best work is definitely Cheese and Crack(er)s, which critics call the definitive work of midwestern dairy erotica.

Phyllis: What if he doesn’t show? What if he runs away to join a porn circus? A porn circus. It could happen.

Summer: Mom, try not to worry so much. Everything will turn out great! Supergirl is here to save the day!

Phyllis: Thanks for being so positive. I wish I could be more like your fathers. Danny is such a good man, for a big dumb sucker. And Nick, Nick is… he’s a carbon based life form.

Daniel: I think you can be more like Nick. Just occasionally belch in a stranger’s face and tell them to guess what you had for lunch.

Phyllis: He’s really pissed about me ruining your marriage, Summer. Really pissed.

Summer: He’s been perfectly nice to me. It won’t be long before you and Dad are friends again. How can two people who created the magic that is me stay mad at each other?

Phyllis: I gotta make a call.

@@@@@@@@@

Sharon: Let me know when you make a decision. I have a meeting to attend and possibly referee.

Tessa: Did you hear that stuff about Chance? I think your mum has been frisked.

Mariah: That’s my mom, for god’s sake.

Tessa: She just offered you an amazing opportunity. Of course, Jabot is a big deal  in the cosmetics industry and will still be around when Aria is headed for college.

Mariah: Mom’s company is new and unproven and two shitty businesses smooshed together.

Tessa: On the other hand, your best friend hired you at Jabot and is no longer there. It’s not as much fun, right?

Mariah: Yeah. We used to sit in the cafeteria and talk mad smack about Summer and his Uncle Billy. Summer’s “O” face is just her normal face but with extra duck lip. Billy buys all his suits wholesale at Undertaker’s Warehouse.

Tessa: I’m sure there will be amazing gossip at Sharon’s company.

Mariah: It’s amazing Adam and Nick haven’t killed each other yet. I guess Nick is okay, but Adam’s kind of a weirdo. Nick’s like a really dumb dog who licks himself in front of company.

Tessa: It’s exciting to be a part of building something. And your face lights up when you talk about working with family.

Mariah: It would be delightful not to have to send out press releases praising Chelsea’s “talent.” I’m pretty sure that lunatic believes she’s Rey’s widow and not my mother.

Tessa: She gloms onto other people’s kids too. What a train wreck.

Mariah: Good talk.

@@@@@@@@@@

Adam: What the fuck is wrong with Adustus? Sharon likes it.

Nick: She’s just being polite. Fortunately I don’t have that failing. Adustus is Latin for “to burn.” I can use Google Translate too, bitch.

Adam: Okay, asshole. What should we name our little venture? Shardamick? Adickon? Two Normal People and a Chickenfucker?

Nick: Your hostility wounds me. Adustus came from an angry, vengeful place and so do those smart ass names. Look, I get how being left out of the inner circle sucks the big one. You don’t know what the hell is going on. You don’t get invited to Christmas parties at the raunch because you walked around with jingle bells on your jingle balls. You just have to learn to let it go.

Adam: Meh.

Nick: If we do a good job, we could finally get Dad’s approval. Wouldn’t that be neat?

Adam: I have my doubts.

Sharon: Hello, gentlemen. What is with all the comically large glasses in Genoa City?

Nick: No better way to pound Yoohoos.

Adam: Nick has convinced me to change the new company’s name.

Sharon: Oh thank god.

Adam: You guys know me. You know how I operate. Do you really think I can change enough to make this a success?

Sharon: You’re pretty attached to playing the tortured soul. You wear rejection like a pair of ill fitting boxers that get wedged in your ass. You’d live much more comfortably if you pulled the fabric out.

Nick: I guess you’re a human. Victoria had me pretty convinced that you were an alien from a planet named Kansas. Haha. Like there’s a place called Kansas in this solar system.

Adam: Well, I’ll try this turning over a new leaf thing. To hell with Victoria and Newman Media. I’m adopting a positive attitude from here on out. Um, I did do something kind of brash on my own. I, uh, offered Phyllis a job as our IT guru.

Sharon: Fuckity what now?

Nick: Me Nick! Nick big mad! Phyllis poop on Summer’s marriage. Nick poop on you!

Adam’s phone rings.

Adam: Well speak of the devil’s concubine. Hello, Phyllis.

Phyllis: Hi. Hi. I want to take the job, the job you offered. But I need your help with something. Because I’m in a position to make demands.

@@@@@@@@

Summer: Mom seems weirdly worried about this Carson guy.

Daniel: Yeah. She’s not telling us something. I mean, I don’t think Heather would knowingly suborn perjury, so Carson might be legit.

Summer: What if he lures Mom into the seedy underworld of porn? We can’t lose her again!

Daniel: …

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

6 hours ago, boes said:

R E S P E C T, that's what peeing means to me.

You know what they say in Genoa City: Golden showers bring May flowers. 
 

51 minutes ago, MsMalin said:

Someone I worked with was notified her aunt was dying so she called out. Came back the next day super pissed because she didn't die.  Yeah , she was a real sweetheart

Was her aunt Phyllis Summers tho?

Speaking of the town nutter, why is Tucker suddenly so squirrelly and impatient with Phyllis? Play the long game, dude. Stay cool. Pressuring Taz is like juggling live grenades.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

If we could refrain from discussing Jack’s post-coital urination habits, it would go a long way toward helping me sleep at night.

As for Summer and Chance, well, the problem is that Summer doesn’t deserve nice things. She barely deserved Kyle and he sure as hell isn’t a catch.

It was nice of show to find a nondescript, unfinished broom closet for Victor to box in. The minimalist backdrop really underscored the sadness of the whole exhibition.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

54 minutes ago, Gam2 said:

Surely he showered!!!

I thought everyone knew Jack showered in his tux.

12 minutes ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Oh please, Kyle, you didn't push Adam out of Jabot. You're so cute trying to impress Audra with your mad bizniz skilz

Excuse you! Kyle played the loooooonnnnngggg game, baby! He whined and cried and acted like a tit long enough that Adam handed him a win on a silver platter. With a strong pomp hand like that, Newman Media is sure to rise to the middle of the pack!

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Hope you’re feeling better, Cookie!

Wtf, Victor? Watching him scream at and browbeat his smart, capable son is soul-crushingly grim. Adam should have walked out without a word when Victor talked smack about his mother. Victor’s treatment of his children is gross at the best of times, but this belligerent tyrant act takes the cake. Are we supposed to empathize with Victor because he cares so deeply for his fambly that he must take his angst out on a punching bag? Fuck outta here with that bullshit.

The Jack and Diane montage went on way too long. So boring and sugary.

I will give Buttbiscuit credit. He’s good at pretending to be a dick to his brother. Of course, he has a rich and authentic well of experience to draw from. Ashley, naturally, lapped it up like champagne. Abby tried to tell her about herself, but Ash is on a bullet train to crazy town with no stops along the way.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

My power went out before the last segment. Am I to understand that Phyllis once again revealed she has learned nothing, Diane was wearing a Chelsea Lawson original bridal gown and Kyle was about to indulge in, what is for him, edgy sex? I missed so much.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Can someone explain to me why Phyllis was leaning inches over her plate to talk with Orange Lauren? I’m not entirely certain what type of reptile she is, so maybe that’s just how her kind undulates. Jack wasn’t looking for a bluetooth connection, though I’m sure that somehow, some way, he’’ll forgive Phyllis soon enough.

Chance, stop being friends with the asshole. Summer pretty boldly broke the law on your watch and really is only sorry that Kid Pomp caught her. Summer can’t fool me; Harrison collected all those rocks walking behind her and waiting for her to tilt her head. Summer camp, my butt cheeks.

Ashley has less chill than Phyllis. There’s an accomplishment. JG apparently thinks “catty” is the only mode for disagreement between two women. Hurling “stupid bitch” around is not a good look. Ashley hates Diane so much that she’ll buy Buttbiscuit’s sudden change of heart.

My favorite scenes had to be of Summer and Chelz blowing sunshine up each other’s skirts. “You’re so creative!” “You’re so strong!” POUT! GASP!

Poor Diane thinks her pampered bouffant baby doesn’t want to attend his parents wedding because after his separation from his sister, the sight of true wuv is too painful. Naw, lady. He’s just tired of the schmoopy. I’m the biggest Jack fan in the world and I can barely stand it. 

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

2 hours ago, Gam2 said:

Bring in a new, smart, achieving and beautiful woman who deserves this man!

Anyone who has eaten at the roadkill cafe that is Nicholas Newman deserves a taste of prime rib like Chance.

Except Phyllis. Phyllis deserves nothing.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

Jack doesn’t strike me as feeble or geriatric. If I’m going to wonder about a character’s bathroom habits, it’ll be hypothesizing that Billy uses a bidet as his own improvisational Navage.

[Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat]

4 hours ago, boes said:

Oh, lilmarysunshine, you're no slouch in the humor department.  "Creative juices", lol!

This is easily one of the funniest show forums I’ve visited. Perhaps it’s because if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry.

 

3 hours ago, lilmarysunshine said:

Ha! NinjaPenguins - Can we add some kind of side room feature to JurASSic Cart that involves a dumpster and a paramour?  Would need to make the game MA, however, even if that precludes Nick from playing it. 

It says something about Phyllis that I momentarily forgot about this lowlight amongst the other entries on her rap sheet.i believe it says she pulls so much shit that it can be hard to keep track of.