This will be a long one. I posted on here years ago as hoosier80, (sent in request to reset password but it’s not coming through so I needed to post and get opinions).
Mom passed away earlier this year. Sibling who lived locally withheld information, like it was just their mother, even to the point of not saying she was actively dying, so I got there after she’d passed. Lots of that type of stuff, plus being super hostile at first, saying I hadn’t done anything for her in over 20 years (a blatant lie).
I stayed at her place, for about 3 weeks, extending that stay to clear out her house, plus to see the attorney. It was stressed that it was imperative for me to sign paperwork so sibling was primary rep for the estate; I live out of state, etc. Attorney explained everything, and I said sibling was so stressed wanted to get everything resolved in a couple of months. He literally said no way, and what was sib’s issue? I said very rigid, super high strung. I went back additional times, staying in hotels as the house was becoming vacant. Sib didn’t even come by when I was there, giving the excuse that they worked better alone. I decided if they were that toxic, probably better off if less interaction. And paradoxically, they were very considerate at times, saying oh take this or I saved this for you.
I told the saga to friends, who said sib was weird or just grieving badly. I was so dependent upon mom towards the latter years; she got jealous and angry if I went out, so I am finding I isolated myself. Working on getting a social life together. Also worked through grief and guilt. Went to grief counseling.
In the midst of this, a cousin reconnected with us when mom was doing ok. We hit it off immediately. Mom was a tad jealous, but I brushed it off. Cousin was a help as mom’s health got worse. They heard her litany of everything that had gone wrong in her life;as they recounted it, I said oh you probably heard about this and that. Cousin was astounded, and I said I heard it 3 to 4 times per week. Plus other instances. They said it was mental abuse; we agreed that mom had her demons, most likely from her childhood. Anyhow, cousin helped when it wasn’t their responsibility.
We have gotten together since then, and cousin mentioned reaching out to my sibling multiple times, but was basically ghosted. I was invited to their large holiday gathering, reconnecting with other relatives from literally coast to coast. They reached out to me afterwards to connect via sm. Cousin’s partner said as I was leaving, don’t stay away too long. It gave me validation that I am not the devil my own immediate family insinuated I was.
So I get a Christmas card from my sib. Normally, it’s a signature. No note. Oh but this time added that most of the estate was settled except for one or two items. It had been so stressful being the primary rep!!
Should I respond? It’s a guilt trip, most definitely. Woe is me. But this is the person who wanted to handle it all. Didn’t even include me on trip to funeral home, yet texted me with tons of questions.
Options are send a card, signature or a happy holidays generic greeting. Or send card with note saying sorry but I can’t help legally or logistically. Send in prayer request for him to ease the stress (they’ve become super religious).
I would like to remain at least cordial, doubtful we’ll ever be close.