davidcalgary29

Our queens gather 'round the Werkroom mirror to mourn the loss of Ms. Forgot from the competition, and draw forth more genuine affection than what they've shown to anyone else this far in the season. I just wish the editors would SHOW US why Acacia was less forgettable than WoW would have us believe, because I can't remember much of anything that she did at any point on her run. Sam, meanwhile, gets her flowers for her okay performance and the non-winning queens wonder when Ru will throw some wins their way. When? WHEN? Why, this episode! But more on that later. The next day, the queens' Werkroom chatter is interrupted when Ru steps into the Werkroom wearing a suit apparently made with some type of checkered gingham. This look is both busy and unflattering, but is a grand homage to the inside of a picnic basket, or perhaps the gayest fabric in Paul Bunyan's flannel collection. But there's little time to waste considering RuPaul's sartorial missteps, because it's time for this season's reading challenge! Mercifully, the entire mini challenge is edited to show that everyone gets in at least one good read, and all of the queens look like they're having fun. After a run of total comic bombs, it's nice to see one of these challenges work well. Suzie wins! She claims that she loves being shady, a statement which causes the other queens to sass her in mock-anger. But it's all in good fun; the entire remaining cast seem to like each other, and that's also a nice change from previous seasons. Ru then ruins the Mood (I miss you, Original Project Runway!) by telling the queens that they're pivoting into the season's THIRD design challenge. I know that I've made a number of suggestions that I'd like an entire season of Drag Race built around design and performance art challenges, but the pacing of these design challenges this season is beginning to feel weird. Why pack the design challenges into the first half of the season? Or are we going to get a FOURTH design challenge somewhere near the end? This week, though, the queens are paying homage to Fashion Original and Reality TV Stalwart Betsey Johnson, and must create a look inspired by one of three Johnson collections: Ugly Grandma Fabrics (aka "Grunge Flapper"); Tacky '80s Prom; and, apparently, "Say Yes to the Mess" a quasi-bridal theme. The queens scream and jump with excitement and delight at the sight of piles of cheap fabric clogging a number of tables. Well, good for them, I say! It probably is a relief to be told to create garments inspired by looks that look like they were put together with fairy dust, clown clothes, and happy thoughts, instead of something with a sleek and structured silhouette that would take normal designers months to create. No one is surprised when Suzie Foxtrots back to the twenties, but it looks like all of the queens pick categories that they can work with. The Werkroom drama this episode is largely subdued and punctuated by a surprise visit from Betsey, who is both tiny and delightful at 82. She's 82, people! She gamely inspects all of the unfinished scraps the queens bring her, and has kind things to say to everyone. Ru seems less impressed, but holds his tongue with the realization that even he's not going to be able to upstage the lovely Betsey Johnson this episode. It's a win for everyone! Later, Lexi confronts her fashion PTSD as she has a minor breakdown staring at miles of ugly tulle, claiming that "she can't". I couldn't either, Lexi! I can't think of anything that could make me more despondent than piles and piles of white, ungiving, and merciless fabric. Lexi cries. The ugly tulle glares back at her, unmoved by Lexi's emotion. Sam, whom I'm liking more and more, reflects that her liking for Lexi is taking away her natural instincts towards cutthroatedness and savagery, and takes time to calm Lexi down and tell her that she's going to be all right. Aw. I note that the Pageant Queens are the first to rip a hole in someone, but also the first to patch it up. She really does remind me of all of Trinity's best qualities that we've seen on Drag Race. That being said, I'm really not a fan of her outfit. But more on that in a minute! The fabulous Betsey Johnson joins a well-coiffed Michelle, a largely unwelcome Carson, and strangely outfitted RuPaul on panel. I have no idea what RuPaul is wearing, and didn't really want to take a second look; it's not a gown, which is nice, but it also screams discomfort. I hope Ru got to switch to PJs behind that desk. The fashion show starts with the best look, as Jewels presents a stunning green velvet faux fur fantasy that really does look like it belongs on a real runway; it's chic and sophisticated, and somehow combines all of the disparate elements of the category into a cohesive look. The fact that she managed to combine all the ugly and clashing faux fur into an appealing collage is a real testament to her elevated level of taste. In the Werkroom, this looked like a total disaster, and Sam sagely noted that it could either be amazing or only fit for the dumpster. Fortunately for Jewels, it's definitely the former. Lydia follows her with an intriguing flapper look with fake furs that's nonetheless poorly fitted and constructed, and Suzie completes the group with what is, for her, the best garment she's constructed this season. This is actually a great outfit for Suzie, who morphs twenties flapper into some post-punk grunge princess from a fantasy time in the 80s or 90s when that actually existed. Overall, it's a great grouping. We follow up with the "Prom" theme, and it's an immediate step down from the previous group. Honestly, I don't know why anyone would have wanted this collection, as all the fabric looked terrible. Kori trots out a poorly-constructed mess with a bow for boobs; Michael Kors kept whispering in my ear that she did everything that could make this turn tacky -- it is, indeed, short, shiny, and tight. And ugly. Onya's pink loofah explosion is even worse, and a definite pick for this season's Golden Boot; her shiny and tight latex sheath dress is decorated with hideous tulle bows and bulges in every place it shouldn't. I love Onya, but god, this one is hard on the eyes. Lana actually has the best outfit in the grouping, and it isn't very nice, either. We conclude the show with "Pre-Nup" and Arrietty is the clear winner here, with a well-fitted black dress that is impeccably embellished with pleasing accessories. Sam is fine in a fifties Dior knockoff, and Lexi -- whom the judges love -- is a vision in white tulle. The underlying dress is actually pretty simple, though. Jewels, Arrietty, and Lexi are top looks, while Lydia, Kori, and Onya stumble into the bottom. The Judges actually give thoughtful and reasoned opinions why some of the looks worked -- and why others didn't. None of the criticism is unwarranted, and it also doesn't feel gratuitously mean, which is something we haven't seen in ten years. Well done, Judges! Jewels win! This is a great win for her, and she certainly presented the best look of the episode, so it's hard to quibble with it. Onya gets a Bye -- her Ouchfit was an awful disaster -- and is declared safe, leaving a bitter Lydia and confused Kori to duke it out into the lipsynch. I thought that Kori would easily win this lipsynch, but Lydia tears into Lita Ford with a manic energy, and gives an entertaining performance. Kori can't match her energy, and is booted from the competition. I can't say that she added much to this season, but I'm sure the remaining queens will think of something nice to say about her as they gather around her mirror message next week. Next week: it's the Villains Roast! The remaining contestants get to say nasty, but probably accurate, things about Kandy Muse, Mistress, and a thinner queen I couldn't quite make out -- Plane? -- in order to enact revenge on behalf of audience members who had to put up with their tiresome bullshit on their seasons! Some of the Judges appear to enjoy some of the Roasts.

Too many? I'm guessing 9, as Ru appears to be channeling Dionne Warwick's fascination with numerology these days.

Our queens stumble back to the Werkroom, in a daze that Crystal -- who really did have all the goods -- has been booted from the competition. Their surprise feels neither feigned nor forced, leading many of the queens to wonder if their outspoken criticism of subterranean mineral extraction will lead them, too, to a surprisingly early exit from the competition. Okay, I made that one up, but they still look worried. The next morning, the queens convene around the Werktable to contemplate the day's pending challenge, but their pleasant reveries are interrupted when Ru steps onto the set and brightly informs them that it's time for a musical! Some of the queens leap up and scream with excitement, clearly never having watched one of these "Rusicals" before. But they -- and we -- must not give up hope for a watchable product! Ru chirps at them that this year, they'll be performing "The Pending Humiliation of Suzie Toot" (aka "The Wicked Wiz of Oz") which is a "mashup of Wicked, The Wiz, and The Wizard of Oz", according to deluded PAs. Well no, it's not. As at least one of the queens points out, it's actually an interpretation of the much more boring "A Chorus Line", with each performer (or group of performers) presenting an "autobiographical" skit as they try to secure a spot in an upcoming production of "The (Wiz)ard of Oz". It's...fine as a concept, I guess, but as "A Chorus Line" had a stale and cliched plot even in the seventies, we're sort of on shaky ground before we even start this one. Familiar ground is tread as the queens make a half-hearted attempt to inject life into the proceedings by bickering and squabbling over the juiciest roles. Suzie proves her acting chops by making it seem as if she actually wants to wrest the flat and listless role of Dorothy from a feisty Acacia, but it would probably be clear from anyone who read what there was of a script that this was a snoozer of a part. After some jostling, during which Suzie fairly points out that the role may not play to Acacia's strengths, a number of the queens comment on Suzie's "shadiness" for doing this. Um, okay, but wouldn't it have been shadier to give in to Acacia quickly, and then snipe from the sidelines, like Kori and Lexi? I guess we'll have to take drama from wherever we can this episode. The queens rehearse with Michelle, and Suzie "I've Been Doing Musical Theatre for Over a Decade" Toot proves that she's no novice by nailing her part immediately, impressing Michelle and the sound guy. Onya sounds AMAZING while recording her part, earning a rare shout of praise from Michelle. I'm just going to jump ahead and say this: even though Jamal throws around some invented bullshit at judging, Onya should have won this challenge. Period. The other queens have their usual vocal struggles, but no one sounds hopeless. On the Main Stage, Ru introduces the panel, which includes a glittery Adam Lambert. Is this really the first time he's been on the show since he lusted after April Carillon on S6? Time does fly! We then segue into the Rusical, which is rather a ho-hum affair, as you can tell that there's been a tremendous amount of vocal sweetening, so there's relatively little tension throughout the show. Suzie, Jewels, and Onya are the standouts; Sam is okay; Kori, Lydia, Arietty, Lana, and Lexi do "good work" according to Ru, but they're entirely forgettable. A listless Acacia closes the solos with a boring song, and while she isn't terrible, it isn't very good, either. And after all the criticism thrown at Suzie, I think it's fair to comment that Acacia really does need to work on her makeup, as she paints her Dorothy here as a coked-out twenties Garbo impersonator. Hot! After an ensemble number, the musical ends and we segue into the Runway, with the theme this episode misleadingly labelled as "Shady Ladies", aka "Whores with Parasols". While the costumes are, overall, pretty good, the repeated silhouettes makes a review difficult, and they all sort of blend in together. Sam is fantastic in a floral fantasy, and Jewels looks nice in black, but it's honestly difficult to remember anything else about this collection. Lana brings up the rear in a costume she claims that Luxx wore for one of her runways -- why would you do that? -- and hopes it brings her luck, too. Well, I can't remember Luxx ever walking in this, and Lana doesn't do much with it, either. The judges kibbitz and deviate from a familiar pattern: Suzie, Jewels, Onya, and Sam are declared the tops of the week, leaving Acacia and Kori in the bottom. The Judges sling around even more bullshit than usual this week, and it's dumb, so I'm not going to spend much time on it. The most ridiculous moment: Jamal criticizes Onya for "not getting the choreography right away". And? So? What the hell does it matter if the flaws didn't show in the final product? If they really wanted some valid criticisms, Production should have left the original vocals into the show, as you know then that only Onya and Suzie would have sounded remotely talented. Whatever, people! Sam wins for her Cher Schtick, proving once again that making Ru laugh is the only meaningful criterion for these modern-day challenges. I mean, she was fine, and her runway was great, but I'm going to repeat this here: Onya was the clear winner. Period. Acacia and Kori steel themselves for a lipsynch to Lambert's "Wet Dreams", and it's by far the best song that we've been given as a lipsynch this season. Acacia, as Suzie states, "does her best", and no, that's not a shady comment when it's 100% factual. I haven't particularly been impressed by Kori's talents on the season thus far, but she brings a certain energy and presence to her performance that fits in much better with this upbeat dance track. Kori stays! Acacia thanks the Judges and walks off the stage, looking happy that she can go home. At the beginning of the season I thought I'd be saddened by Acacia's inevitable ouster, but I honestly can't recall much of anything that she did on this season with any degree of distinction. Go home, be proud of yourself, and work on that paint, girl! Next week: ANOTHER sewing challenge threatens to send the queens into sartorial seizures as they're challenged to create an outfit "inspired by Betsy Johnson". You mean the actual person, who appears to be the guest judge, and not her fashion collections? How the hell would you do that? Maybe they'll be forced to create ouchfits like that awful "child's art" challenge on Season 9 of Project Runway, when Bert sent his model out in a MC Hammer jumpsuit with ugly geometrics taped all over it. Awesome!

Hey, everybody -- it's time for the Snatch Game! But the queens don't know that yet, and we head back with them to the Werkroom to debrief Hormona's unceremonious departure from the show. Kori cackles gratingly with delight over her ousting, and yet I can't help but notice that Hormona provokes far more of a reaction from her than did Joella's elimination. I guess you did make an impact after all, Hormona! A glittering Ru enters the Werkroom the next day to announce that it's time for the mid-season's big prize: it's time, once again, for The Snatch Game! This year, she brings along a stunning Alyssa Edwards -- how does she continue to look more beautiful with every screen appearance? -- to critique the contestants in groups of three or four so we can get a preview of the characters they'll put up on display. And, as with every year, most of the ideas are bad even on paper, and the standout concepts this year -- Onya wants to do Eddie Murphy, and Lexi plans to perform as comic Gilbert Gottfried -- are male. Hm. It's fun to watch Onya resist Ru's attempts to have her Eddie Murphy concept flushed down the proverbial toilet in front of her, and it's a rare departure from the growing norm of doing what Ru wants whenever she wants it. I'm all for it, Onya! After critiques, we take a brief tour into The Land of Delusion (population: Suzie Toot, according to production), where we get innumerable confessions of Suzie as the Captain of the Good Ship Hubris, about to sail into the shark-infested waters of the Ocean of Improv. To her DOOM! Suzie seems relatively unconcerned. Good for you, Suzie! The Snatch Game begins, and it's not one of the show's top efforts. Alyssa is, as "panelist", by far the most exciting thing about the episode, and her reactions to each provided answer are often a lot more entertaining than anything than the queens put out. Most of the queens are just okay; Suzie isn't terrible, but she puts more effort into performance than comedy, which dulls her game; Kori gets a good laugh in the Werkroom about her character choice, but her Big Ang really isn't very good, and a distant second to Pearl's excellent (and funny) caricature in S7. Onya is pretty Good as Eddie Murphy, and Sam is polished as some pageant star; Jewels is okay as a Jersey Lady Sasquatch. on the other hand, Lana is completely flat as Rosa Parks and Crystal is a boring Nicole Richie. Arguably the worst performance of the entire cast is, however, is Arrietty, who lays a goose egg on stage with a grating and obnoxious Cupid. Ugh. The next day, the queens return to the Werkroom so that Production can pivot into the episode's "B" plot: the Assassination of one Suzie Toot. Suzie tells the other contestants that she thought she was great in the challenge and is gunning for her third win; Production paints this take as true delusion, and Kori is delighted to play along by laughing at her, incredulously. My respect for Sam grows when she bluntly suggests to Suzie that most of the queens think that her performance was bad; to her enormous credit, Suzie simply disagrees and says that she's proud of herself. Sorry, production, but I'm on team Suzie with this: the performance wasn't bad -- it was just wasn't suited for the format of The Snatch Game. But it would've been fine in another format, and Production can't say the same thing about Arrietty, Lana, or Crystal, but we don't see anyone make mean comments about them. Of course. The runway is "Nailed It!" and it's a major step up from the Snatch Game, with the first half of the runway presenting some of the best looks of the entire season so far. Acacia surprises with a well-conceived, put-together costume that actually makes her look good; Lexi is...well, Cher, complete with individual Cher portraits on her nails; Suzie detours into Avant Garde to give us a drag version of the Iron Maiden, a mythical (or apocryphal) medieval torture device. It's pretty neat, and unexpected for someone whose fashion references tend more toward Louise Brooks than the Hellraiser Pinhead. Arrietty gets praise for her four-armed cat creature, and Onya concludes the runway with a 90s throwback look that I didn't quite like at first glance, but which really grew on me with repeated views. There's an attention to detail in every aspect of her outfit, and I particularly love her headpiece and cape. That's a stellar runway effort, Onya! Onya, Sam, and Lexi are the tops of the week. Lexi actually muffed her Snatch Game, but the judges praise her charisma, and claim that it "saved" her performance. And it really did! I'm not terribly displeased with the decision. Onya wins! I'm on board with this decision. Lana, Crystal, and Arrietty are dumped into the bottom: can't argue with those choices! Arrietty is saved. What! COME ON at this point: she had the worst Snatch Game performance, and her runway wasn't that great, either. Oh, whatever. Arrietty goes to the back of the stage while Crystal and Lana prepare for the lipsynch. They dance, and they're actually pretty evenly matched for the song. Both of them do a great job, and each bring their own energy to the song. I actually thought Crystal edged Lana out for most of the song, with Lana bringing it in in the end; no matter, as Ru declares Lana safe and kicks Crystal out of the competition. Aw, that sucks. I really enjoyed Crystal's polish and think that she could have brought a great deal to the second half of the competition. Wow. Next week: it's time for a Rusical! And we're going to get an endless stream of Yellow Brick Road puns thrown at Lydia, because Ru enjoy whipping tired cliches into the ground that way. Some of the queens debate parts, and Production tries to frame it as actual drama!

We return to Season 17 to see the queens celebrating, in the Werkroom, the non-elimination from the last episode. Everyone's in a magnanimous mood, although most of them joke about wanting to see eliminations, and lots of them, right now. This is a likeable cast, though, and now that Joella's gone, it's likely that most of the eliminations will cause tears of sadness and regret, however much faked for the camera. Most of them. Sam takes a moment to snipe about Suzie's lack of taste in fashion, which seems to be overkill when there are much, much greater crimes sitting around RIGHT THERE for the picking (translation: Kori and Acacia). The next morning, the queens gather around the table for some good-natured joking, and Hormona tempts the Dread Finger of Fate by suggesting that we may be in for a double elimination. Don't get our hopes up, Hormona! A chipper Ru breaks the mood by announcing a mini-challenge, in which the queens must transport lipsticks -- only using their mouths -- through a Ru-themed "glory hole" to one of their waiting teammates. I'm sure the queens weren't bothered at all with the thought of swapping spit with no other payoff. Also: EW. It's a fun mini-challenge, though, and I'm enjoying this season, so I'm not going to think about having to put a pre-slimed tube in my mouth. Again: EW. Ru gives the winning team a nice cash bonus, and then announces the big news: we're having another sewing challenge, and this time it's going to be with unconventional materials! These are almost always fun, and S17's outing doesn't disappoint. This year, the queens have to craft Ouchfits out of material found in the "Great Pacific Garbage Patch", and I really hope that the challenge is more metaphorical than literal. One the queens later confides that some of the material had FOOD STUCK ON THE BACK that she had to pick up while assembling her outfit, and you'd think that would've been eaten off by creatures after being submerged in the Pacific. Also: EW. Shenanigans erupt as the queens jostle and trample each other for prized bits of junk. And this time, it really is trash: choice shots show competitors carting away sheets of tarp, what appear to be car parts -- someone eyes a tire speculatively, before giving up -- and other enticing bits of flotsam and jetsam. The queens warn each other not to steal their prized treasure and trover. Look, it's actual junk, so they can probably relax, because none of this is remotely nice. Ru calls each of the queens up for a quick critique in groups of four. We only hear him provide random bits of advice to a quarter of the contestants, and see few designs; I'm glad that the editors have decided to keep some tension in the process. Hormona -- again -- is singled out by criticism by Ru, who warns her not to repeat silhouettes when she presents two okay-looking ideas. But most of the shown interactions consist of blandishments as Ru lies that "she can't wait to see" what the queens will present! Drama erupts when Lexi leaves an ugly tarp outside in preparation for painting, and Onya and Arrietty decide to use it as a makedo dropcloth for their own ongoing projects, spraying Lexi's already ugly tarp with some smears of poop-like brown. Lexi discovers this and PANICS, running around urgently and demanding to know the identity of the vandals who ruined Her Precious. When she runs out of the Werkroom near tears, Onya guiltily admits that she and Arriety were responsible for this unwarranted hooliganism, and despite great advice that she immediately tell Lexi that it was an accident, and not sabotage, Onya claims that "it's not the right time". Yes, wait for your cue from the PAs that all cameras need to be ready for the Big Confrontation! Unfortunately, Arrietty quickly cops a plea to her role in this sartorial saga, leading to more drama and shouting. The other queens actually look quite taken aback by what they call "Spray Paintgate" (although I think "Garbagepalooza" would probably be a better fit here), which makes me think that it all really was just an accident. Probably. It's time for the ball! There are two guest judges on the panel, neither of whom I'm familiar with, but the queens appear to be excited, so I'm game. We get three categories: "Bathing Beauties", "She Creatures", and the Eleganza Finale. Out of the gate, "Bathing Beauties" has the queens presenting a lot of very familiar silhouettes. Crystal gets blasted on the stage for recreating First Barbie, and it's a fair criticism after Starlet's impeccable presentation of the same concept. If you're not going to at least equal a concept at this stage of the competition, make another choice! Lydia is unappealing in a terrible outfit with a poor concept, and Hormona, who usually looks well-put on stage, is a pink pass. You know something's wrong when Acacia presents one of the best looks of the category, a fun latex floatie fantasy in bright, appealing colours. The queens move on to "She Creatures" -- each of them interpreting a different sea creature -- and it's a massive step up. Crystal is elegant as a take on a puffer fish, and inflates herself on the runway, earning praise in the process. Jewels is stunning as a Spanish Dancer -- a type of sea slug -- and her garment really is evocative of the creature. Lydia, again, interrupts the flow with a terrible outfit that looks like she won it from a carny at a cheap circus ring toss. Arrietty is a lovely lionfish, Suzie is uncommonly elegant as she waves the many arms of her octopus, and Kori is okay. Hormona decides to completely skip the assignment, Acacia is a comely crinoid, and Lexi is absolutely gorgeous as one of the best jellyfish that we've seen on the stage. Lana rounds out the group with a lovely take on what she claims to be a Mandarin Goby (fish). It's not -- I've owned one -- but it is a stunning recreation of a Blue Dragon, a highly venomous sea slug, in purple. Wonderful. The Eleganza looks are sort of a step down from the second category, and that's unfortunate. Best of the bunch is Crystal in a pink-and-yellow striped sheath dress, Sam's too-on-the-nose Garbage Couture, and Suzie's Amelia Earhart homage. Suzie is one smart queen, and she gets a nod of admiration from me in presenting a coherent and cohesive narrative to put her outfit in the running when sewing skills alone wouldn't get her notice. Lydia completes a trio of fashion trainwrecks with an incomprehensible mess of tubes; the rest of the queens are largely forgettable, although Lexi's besmirched tarp walks the runway virtually unchanged. What! Sam, Crystal, and Arrietty are named the tops of the week! I didn't like Arrietty's created look, but I'll give her the top for her wonderful lionfish. Arrietty wins! Okay. And then, the judging falls apart, as Lydia, who by far had the worst looks as a collection, is declared "safe". How?! Maybe this is like that season of Project Runway, when all the judges loved Michael C's looks, even though they appeared to be complete disasters at home. I'm also guessing that Lexi escaped the bottom for her Tarp Trainwreck because the judges knew that she'd beat everyone's asses if they put her at risk for elimination when other queens "wrecked" her garment. Acacia, Hormona, and Lana are left in the bottom, and none of them really deserve to be there. Acacia is safe! Hormona and Lana are left to lipsynch to an alright Olivia Rodrigo song, although it's not particularly great for a lipsynch on this show. Hormona does all right, although it's clear that this is just a lipsynch to her; this is one of those times when just knowing the words and emoting a bit isn't enough, and Lana beats her handily. Alas, with no more fakeouts, Hormona is told to leave the competition. Hormona is an interesting queen. She certainly has talent, and wasn't given a favourable edit, but she had a clear point of view and a good sense of fashion. It's clear that the show felt that they could get rid of her now that there's multiple axes of drama that have developed amongst the rest of the cast (translation: Lexi), but it's sort of a shame that they kicked her off so soon, especially as some of her competitors (translation: Kori and Acacia) flounder. Yes, that is a marine pun. Next week: it's The Snatch Game! We can only hope that the panels' sour looks accurately reflects some catastrophically memorable performances.

In the wake of last episode's elimination, the queens return to the Werkroom to find that Joella has left a novel on the mirror. Kori, still dressed in her tacky runway outfit, dispiritedly reads it out to a disinterested group, and they mumble a few words of farewell so that they won't look like total bitches, but it's clear that Joella did, indeed, read the room right when she fumed that she wasn't well-liked. And really, I can't remember a time in recent memory when the eliminated queen has generated a reaction of such nonchalance in the wake of her elimination. Couldn't the other queens have at least faked it for the cameras? After a few jokes are levelled at Onya Nurve, the winner of the last episode, we reconvene in the Werkroom the next day to hear Ru announce that it's time for RDR Live. A few of the queens bandy the term "improv" about, but as the episode moves on, it's clear that this challenge is less about thinking on the fly than it is about laying on the schtick. And as these things go, S17's try is by far one of the more successful of these outings, and actually fun to watch. The queens are given scripts to peruse and, ultimately, pick out their parts. While it's worked in the past, WoW's attempts to stir up petty drama and bitchery by pitching win-hungry queens against each other for the juiciest roles fails refreshingly this time, as almost everyone (the exception: a fuming Hormona) gets the role that they want, and they all settle down to prepare for their skits. Where did this sudden dash of maturity come from? I have to say that it's most welcome, and should stick around for awhile. After we spend some time hearing the queens gab and jab about the upcoming challenge, we make a sudden (and a bit jarring) transition into the Cold Open, featuring Onya, Arrietty, Kori, and Lana. While the delicious prospect of an Opening Bomb rears its head in the first few seconds, the queens settle down, and the results aren't half-bad. Arrietty lands in the bottom for her broad take on Neanderthal wit, but it's Lana, I think, who is the most mediocre in the sketch. A forgettable Kori and an impressive Onya round out the cast of this skit. Onya's winning ways continue as she opens the "show" as host. Ru lies somewhere that this was "shot in one take", but I'll eat my glasses if that's actually the case: none of the queens flub any of their lines, an implausible result given the varied strengths of this particular cast. In any case, Onya's great, and if not for one Suzie Toot, I'd have picked her for the top of the week. The skits continue, and are just about as entertaining as one of the better latter-day SNL episodes, so kudos to this group! I like Hormona's group the least, but they do get in some cute double-entendres and reaction shots that make the skit bearable. Acacia is the standout in Golden Girls ripoff "Gert and Trudy", while Lydia fades into the background. I also found the Blanche/Sophia pairing as mother and daughter to be an unusual choice -- maybe Alexis threatened to sue if they didn't bring her back to reprise Dorothy? Much better is "QNN News", where Lexi and Crystal -- both perfectly fine here -- are outshone by Suzie, who plays "RuPaul's childhood babysitter" as a methed-out Fran Drescher mixed with Pearl's Big Ang from S7 Snatch Game. She steals every comic beat of the skit, and even though she says that "theatre is in her blood" and that she's "been doing it for years", it's an outstanding performance by every measure. The "show" then ends, and is a certainly a success by this show's low comic standards. The runway category is "Tickled Pink", and the queens are heckled by the Panel, this week including someone named Paul W. Downs. Unlike last week, this pretty man looks vaguely familiar, and it looks like he's been in a few TV shows. In any case, he's game, and not too terrible, so this is a plus. Less of a plus are many of the looks, which settle for the familiar and expected instead of showcasing a level of taste and innovation that should be presented for one of gay television's marquee events. Example number one: Onya Nurve. Look, I love Onya, and she did a stellar job in the challenge, but her runway is a complete mess, no matter how much Ross loves her padding. Arrietty and Hormona present two of the better looks; Acacia is stuck in her mid-'80s Comfort Zone; Kori looks marginally better than last week. Lydia changes things up by dressing up as Glam Penis, which makes a nice visual contrast to her runwaymate Suzie, who is dressed up as Circus Penis. But at least Suzie's changing up her makeup! Onya, Suzie...and Hormona are named the tops of the week. What! Hormona's runway wasn't good enough to elevate her mediocre challenge performance to a top placement. In keeping with this week's wonky judging, a terrified Arrietty is thrown into the bottom with a deserving Sam and Lydia. Suzie wins. Huzzah! It is, in every way, deserved. Sam is saved (what!) leaving Arrietty and Lydia to shimmy and shake to "Boogie Wonderland" Neither queen does a good job with the lipsynch, disappointing for this particular dancefloor classic. Lydia wins! And then, the Fakeout that Refuses to Die, as yada yada yada/dunk tank/lever/safety. Arrietty stays! And with that, thankfully, this soggy chocolate bar can now be retired for the season, and we can get on with cutting this already large cast. Next week: it's a ball! Queens are seen in the preview trampling each other for ugly pool noodles and hot glue guns. Drag is a contact sport after all!

She did change it up without prompting, though, so I give her points for that. Or -- more likely -- they probably did tell her off camera. She has the edit of someone who's going to make it to the end, if not win it all.

The queens' gather to mourn Lucky Starzzz' sad, sad departure from this season of Drag Race. As tears flow from an increasing number of heavily painted faces, an increasingly annoyed Joella speculates that she's not as well-liked as she thought she was. The harsh truth of discovering that she's merely tolerated leads to more griping and moaning, and then the anger of defiance. That's the spirit, Joella! The next day, hurt feelings are (largely) forgotten as the queens gather round the Werkroom tables to hear Ru give them this week's challenge: they're going to be performing tracks to some of DR's most memorable moments! Personally, I'm all for mining the WoW IP treasure trove as long as it doesn't mean yet another "Rusical" featuring some of RuPaul's most treasured (translation: dated and stale) vocal stylings. As the queens prepare for their roles, there's the usual banter and insights, which transitions to a montage of red herrings and curveballs as we watch our beloved contestants rehearse their bits. Unfortunately, there's comparatively little to see during this stretch of the episode -- how many times do we need to have confessionals interspersed with random clips to get the idea that not everything's going well? -- but finally move on to Judging, and a glimpse at the Finished Product (translation: one minute segments with highly polished vocals). All of our regulars look good on the panel, and they're joined by someone named Julia Schlaepfer. Who? After reading her Wiki, I see that she's got quite a few televised acting credits, but still have no idea who she is. I do like the way she's lit up by stage lighting, though. Success! The runway category is: "Quilted". Like so many runways over the past few seasons, the queens' attention to the stated category is variable at best, but most of them pull off looks that are at least interesting to look at. Surprisingly, the Judges actually appear to recognize the misfires, and the runway becomes an important factor in contestant placement for the first time (outside of a sewing challenge) in what feels like a decade. Do this more often! Arietty is dinged for trotting out an intriguing ensemble that completely misses the category; Acacia Forgot looks like a waitress at a Howard Johnson's Restaurant that a bunch of kids drew on while they waited for their deep fried clams. I miss you, HoJo! And then, there is Joella. NO. The "commercials" air for the viewers, and they're all fun, and also mercifully short. They're set to different musical genres not of their choice, and it's clear that these queens have the most fun acting along to high-energy dance numbers. Suzie Toot, though, is a clear standout with a punk-inspired trash track, and "Back Rolls" is ably performed by a game Jewels and Arietty. The judges later claim that Arietty was "outperformed" by Jewels, but I don't see it, and think that it's just an excuse to ding her for an off-assignment runway look. The only miss for me is Lydia and Lana Ja'Rae's number to S2's iconic Morgan/Mystique fight, but the boring music is clearly not their fault. Ru annoyingly cackles through all of the performances, perhaps highlighting the fact that there really is little difference between the top and bottom acts here. Ru looks angry as she declares Lydia, Lana, Jewels, Hormona, Sam, and Lexi to be safe. Acacia is declared to be Basic. Okay, that one's mine, but I think it's more than fair. Onya is thrown a win -- good for her! I didn't like her number that much, but she clearly did, so I'm okay with it. Ru turns to someone in a giant pink sneeze of fabric and immediately tells her that she's in the bottom, although it's hard to tell who that might be as the words echo down the giant glory hole in the front of the "outfit". Oh, it's Joella! I think Joella looks sad at the news, although I can't really tell. Well, if she's a bit teary she can just turn her head to wipe her face on her giant RuPaul-themed maxi pad of a runway costume. NO. Joella is joined by Kori, who had an underwhelming performance and is also wearing an ugly and unflattering outfit. I'm also entirely okay with that. Joella and Kori lipsynch. Bizarrely, Joella wriggles in her giant mattress for a few seconds of the song, and it's a hilarious thought that she might not take it off for the entire lipsynch. Sadly, however, she strips, and is just as boring when you can see her in her boring pink bodysuit. She tries, and then fails, and Kori wins by default of having not sabotaged herself by walking the Main Stage in Serta Realness Cosplay. Joella is "invited" to "save herself" by pulling one of the remaining levers in the Grande Michelle Dunk Tank, but of course she doesn't get the right one. Ru nods sagely to herself as she yanks one last feeling of disappointment from Joella. There's no way she was going to press her Red Save Button under her desk for this queen. No one else looks particularly sad to see Joella go. I guess you were right, Joella! Self-awareness is key. I will say that I liked her spirit. Next week: oh, lord, it's back to improv with "RDR Live". Let's just hope this is brief interlude before we head to more kinetic episodes. This one was better than I thought it would be.

I'm going to guess that most of the contestants who can't sew also decided not to plan for the challenge by packing patterns for themselves. I'm certain, on the other hand, that all of them have at least one tacky bodysuit laying around that they could pick apart and sacrifice to the Fashion Gods in the pursuit of Safety. I doubt most of these youngsters even know what an Empire-waisted gown looks like, and they can't do any research in the middle of a competition -- so most will try to replicate what they already have.

Maybe someone already in showbiz already has dibs on Lucky Charmzzz. The thought did cross my mind that we might have a Survivor-esque bidding war on supplies, but the Mothership tends to be cautious and tentative with new ideas these days. Maybe we'll see it on Canada or UK first?

The queens return to the Werkroom with one thought on everyone's mind: when is someone going the hell home? Okay, they all congratulate Lexi on her well-deserved win, but still: seriously, when is someone going the hell home? Ru struts into the room with an Escheresque suit -- it's art! -- and quickly announces the words we've all been waiting to hear since last week: we're having a ball! And for no apparent reason, it's going to be inspired by every ten year-old's biggest Family Game Night Nightmare: Monopoly! Ru quickly sorts the queens into colour groups that accords with the properties on the board game. Notably missing is cheapo brown, which either means that Parker Brothers/Hasbro didn't want to remind viewers that most players, both in their game and in real life, end up broke, or that Ru's Fracking paradise is located on Baltic Avenue in Tuckahoe, Wyoming, and this is a clever ruse to throw the Envrionmentalists off her trail. Ru throws bits of cash at the queens during this bit, and I only hope they get to keep it, and not have to spend it on tacky WoW merch like fake chocolate bars and bedazzled Ornacias, just like Wheel of Fortune forced its players to spend their winnings on ugly patio sets (and pretend to be excited about it) during the show's Golden Era. Okay, that would be secretly awesome. Back in the Werkroom, the queens race to collect their fair share of "expensive" fabrics. I guess even chintz and polyester aren't free, and represent an expense to our eyes and taste, so they aren't technically wrong here, so I'll let it slide. While WoW trots out old, beloved "Get Me Out of Here: I can't sew!" (translation: Joella) tropes for the audience, other queens merrily start rampaging through studio equipment and start working on "opulent" designs sure to break WoW's crafts budget and more than one sewing needle. The pleasantries are interrupted by today's "B" plot, which introduces us to Fringegate. Kori seems to be delighted by the fact that Onya is definitely getting on Jewels' Nurve, but I struggle to follow the emotional beats as the queens bicker and moan over the ugly fringe. Jewels claims that she "needs" the fringe, while Onya angrily defends her petty thievery. Onya wins, and seizes the tacky beading! Emotions ensue, with the drama leaving a number of queens enraptured by the excitement and picking sides. Maybe they should replace the lipsynch with some good ol' tusslin over fabric scraps. The queens return the next morning to find a furious Hormona wrenching crystals off her garment, as Lexi "told her off" after she discovered Hormona using her own tacky accoutrements to finish her look. Hormona seethes while Lexi looks smug. How dare they not show this takedown on screen! I hope we get to see Crystalgate at the Reunion. At last, we get to the runway, and despite early fears, no one has to walk down the runway naked. Truthfully, there aren't a lot of standouts, although I'm pretty shocked that Hormona's mermaid gown doesn't make it to the top. Arietty stuns in an extremely well-constructed homage to her roots. Acacia tries a different route by trotting out her take on the classic crocheted barbie doll toilet roll cozy, complete with sparkling nipple pasties for that luxe touch. I worry for, and about, Acacia. The Judges troll Jewels by heaping praise on Onya's purloined beads, but I'm taken back to ANTM's S6 Church Fashion Show with the Aswirl Twins. Sam wins with her busy and unflattering Muppet Victorian Whorehouse fantasy! Kori joins a dispirited Lucky and delusional Joella in the bottom. Kori is saved to tweet her safety to all of social media! Joella and Lucky spin to a feisty Paula Abdul track. Joella wins. What! Luck completely deserts Ms Starzzz, and she is dunked from the competition by an unimpressed Ru. Well, at least she's thrown a trip on her way out. Aw, I liked her drag. Next week: the queens recreate iconic DR moments in commercials! This could be good, or a complete trainwreck, in which case it will be awesome. Sam appears on the runway apparently dressed as a ham sandwich! At last, true fashion.

This week, we conclude the largely entertaining split premiere of Season 17...and end up exactly where we started. But more on that later! The first group of queens return to The Werkroom and congratulate themselves on making it through the first challenge. Except for Acacia, who wears the glum expression of a Dead Queen Walking as she ruminates her last-place ranking. It's actually pretty mean, but it does give her an advantage of getting extra time to prepare for her pending lipsynch. WoW wisely gives the queens time to introduce themselves to the audience, and we get several amusing exchanges as they prepare for the night's festivities. This is actually much more generous than what we've seen in the past, and a nice departure from the last few seasons. Like last week, all of the queens walk the runway, and this week it's in a category themed to showcase their respective derrieres. Also like last week, the results are mixed, as we are threated to no fewer than three Marie Antoinettes and a whole lot of bodysuits. While I feel for contestants who have to bring something new and fresh to the stage after innumerable iconic looks, the reality is that most of the looks are just okay, and often serve as a reminder to superior originals. The Judges lavish praise on Lana Ja'Rae, and while there's no denying her beauty, her outfit just doesn't have the punch and wow factor of Detox's red lace fantasy. Plus, there's a whole bunch of bodysuits. The talent show begins, and for once I'm glad that most of them have chosen fun, high-energy dance numbers that fit well within one minute segments. Hormona Lisa is an outlier and promises to wow her naysayers with a fun and sassy standup routine, and then boringly fails by throwing a few words around on stage. It looks like the standup comedy curse at the talent show remains unbroken! The Judges yak and the queens rate. Despite promising to rate their friends highly, Lexi and Crystal land in the top, which feels correct. Hormona glares sullenly as she is announced as the bottom queen, a result I am also entirely okay with. Lexi and Crystal swirl and twirl to "Alter Ego", a great lipsynch song, as Doechii looks on. Lexi wins! I'm gagged when she calls herself "an old lady". Girl, you're 33. Just stop. Acacia, who did not particularly impress with her drag on the runway this week, joins a seething Hormona on stage. Their lipsynch is less successful, but Acacia is declared the winner of their battle, and that's probably true. We prepare to send Hormona off the set, and if the other queens' reactions are to be believed, few of them will shed any tears at the thought. AND THEN, because she's apparently liked by no one and Ru wants to stir up drama, Ru saves her in an elaborate dog-and-pony act that takes up the rest of the episode! The entire thing is pure producer Riggory, of course, but the safe queens' incredulous looks at the audacity of the stunt did make me giggle. Hormona is gratefully emotional, etc., but she hasn't been shown to have much in her skillset to warrant the intervention. Whatever! Next week: we're having a ball! WoW promises to send a number of queens to fashion Jail as they scramble to replicate LaLa Ri's bag ball look with monopoly money! WHO will end up buying Park Place, and WHO will end up with Baltic Avenue??

Fourteen queens stumble on to the set as RuPaul attempts to ride the blood-soaked coattails of a certain Korean import phenomenon with a fun cold open! As a concept, it's at least more successful than The Handmaid's Tale conceit from All-Stars, and we get to see multiple fan favourites get taken out by a giant 'Lil Poundcake as they attempt to juke and jive to the safety line in a new take on "Red Light, Green Light". We even get treated to a view of Victoria "Porkchop" Parker being the first to be pied! It's nice to see her again after several years' absence. The fourteen "survivors" quickly enter into the Werkroom, engage in customary introductions, and dedrag. It's an interesting collection of performers, and a bit of a departure from recent seasons where poise and polish have been featured as favoured attributes. The queens immediately start naming their drag connections, and it's clear that many of them have deep and impressive ties within the larger Drag community. I'm actually hopeful -- for a moment -- that S17 will be a Battle of the Houses, which would be a great way of showing the strengths of each respective competitor and the heritage that they're representing, and could be an interesting way of incorporating former contestants into the show (as mentors, perhaps?). WoW makes it clear, however, that the alums featured in the first few minutes are just there for a photo shoot, and some contestants apparently don't have many connections at all, so that wouldn't be fair to them. On to Season 18, WoW! The sense of fun quickly fades as the parade of names flow past -- really, I did not expect the Ghost of Seasons past to include Plane and Luxx -- but I'll give it a pass for now. Mild Bitchery can be fun, but if we get Mistress 2.0 I'm walking. WoW has learned at least a little, and the premiere -- a talent show -- is split into two parts, although everyone walks the runway. And the runway is pretty bad, so I'm really not going to dwell on it here beyond repeating that it's bad. And that the theme is confusing, and also pretty dumb. Why are they being asked to mask if branding is so important to Ru? Dumb de dumb dumb dumb. Fortunately, the talent show overall is fun and engaging. Joella Ho is probably the least engaging of the bunch as she swirls in front of Katy Perry, her mentor? friend?, but all of the clips are pretty brief and largely painless. Ru trots out the ol' Rate-a-Queen chestnut, but integrates it more seamlessly by announcing that the non-performing queens will rank this episode's contestants, sending one to an elimination battle with next week's loser! More than one queen notes that this will allow friends to rank each other highly, irrespective of actual merit. And this is exactly what happens, which results in Acacia Forgot in the bottom, although she rightly points out that she was one of the few queens to show an actual talent. Two of them, in fact. Suzie Toot and Jewels Sparkles are the tops of the week! They, and the audience, are then subjected to the much-maligned title track of Perry's latest album, which was greeted with resounding silence upon its release. It's a mediocre lipsynch track, but at least Katy can take solace in the fact that it's not measurably worse than most of RuPaul's musical output. Nice try, Katy! Suzie wins! She declares, like many deluded darlings of the past, that this will be just the first of many victories in this competition! Well, not with those makeup skills you won't, as we are here clearly just a quickstep away from the Magical Superfund Cleanup Site of Amanda Tori Meating's famed paint. Here's hoping she foxtrots out of the twenties and makes it at least as far as Plasma's mid-century safety zone. Next week: Acacia gets thorny and promises to give everyone last-place rankings in revenge for their heinous voting! Clips are randomly shown out of context to let the audience believe that we will be stunned with more talent! We shall see. Stray thoughts: I still maintain that the runway was pretty bad, but I'm going to make an exception for Lucky Starzzz. Her piece of pizzaface perfection hit the fashion spot, and her Entrance Look was one of the best I've seen in years. I'm all for a long run for her this season if this is representative of the rest of her drag. -on the other end of the drag spectrum lies Onya Nurve, who made quite the sartorial impression this episode. If I was charitable, I'd channel Violet Chachki and suggest that her runway look was a "charming hodgepodge". I'm not feeling particularly charitable: that entrance look was Bob the Drag Queen as Divine in a lost outtake of the Pink Flamingos skit in S7. Yes, I know that Bob was not on Season 7. -Jewels, out of drag, is giving a young Carole Pope, ca. her Rough Trade era.

I'm stunned -- this is a great season! Okay, yes, there's Michelle. Too TOO much Michelle, but it's sort of nice not having Ru around. The Balls are usually some of my favourite challenges, but this episode was probably the weakest of the episodes so far this season. And it wasn't terrible! I thought that standing O was a bit over the top, though, as I really didn't like the winner's outfit.

Wikipedia DOB: April 17, 1980, so she'd now be 44. If she didn't shave a few years off her age. And IF Wikipedia is correct...