davidcalgary29

I'm going to guess that most of the contestants who can't sew also decided not to plan for the challenge by packing patterns for themselves. I'm certain, on the other hand, that all of them have at least one tacky bodysuit laying around that they could pick apart and sacrifice to the Fashion Gods in the pursuit of Safety. I doubt most of these youngsters even know what an Empire-waisted gown looks like, and they can't do any research in the middle of a competition -- so most will try to replicate what they already have.

Maybe someone already in showbiz already has dibs on Lucky Charmzzz. The thought did cross my mind that we might have a Survivor-esque bidding war on supplies, but the Mothership tends to be cautious and tentative with new ideas these days. Maybe we'll see it on Canada or UK first?

The queens return to the Werkroom with one thought on everyone's mind: when is someone going the hell home? Okay, they all congratulate Lexi on her well-deserved win, but still: seriously, when is someone going the hell home? Ru struts into the room with an Escheresque suit -- it's art! -- and quickly announces the words we've all been waiting to hear since last week: we're having a ball! And for no apparent reason, it's going to be inspired by every ten year-old's biggest Family Game Night Nightmare: Monopoly! Ru quickly sorts the queens into colour groups that accords with the properties on the board game. Notably missing is cheapo brown, which either means that Parker Brothers/Hasbro didn't want to remind viewers that most players, both in their game and in real life, end up broke, or that Ru's Fracking paradise is located on Baltic Avenue in Tuckahoe, Wyoming, and this is a clever ruse to throw the Envrionmentalists off her trail. Ru throws bits of cash at the queens during this bit, and I only hope they get to keep it, and not have to spend it on tacky WoW merch like fake chocolate bars and bedazzled Ornacias, just like Wheel of Fortune forced its players to spend their winnings on ugly patio sets (and pretend to be excited about it) during the show's Golden Era. Okay, that would be secretly awesome. Back in the Werkroom, the queens race to collect their fair share of "expensive" fabrics. I guess even chintz and polyester aren't free, and represent an expense to our eyes and taste, so they aren't technically wrong here, so I'll let it slide. While WoW trots out old, beloved "Get Me Out of Here: I can't sew!" (translation: Joella) tropes for the audience, other queens merrily start rampaging through studio equipment and start working on "opulent" designs sure to break WoW's crafts budget and more than one sewing needle. The pleasantries are interrupted by today's "B" plot, which introduces us to Fringegate. Kori seems to be delighted by the fact that Onya is definitely getting on Jewels' Nurve, but I struggle to follow the emotional beats as the queens bicker and moan over the ugly fringe. Jewels claims that she "needs" the fringe, while Onya angrily defends her petty thievery. Onya wins, and seizes the tacky beading! Emotions ensue, with the drama leaving a number of queens enraptured by the excitement and picking sides. Maybe they should replace the lipsynch with some good ol' tusslin over fabric scraps. The queens return the next morning to find a furious Hormona wrenching crystals off her garment, as Lexi "told her off" after she discovered Hormona using her own tacky accoutrements to finish her look. Hormona seethes while Lexi looks smug. How dare they not show this takedown on screen! I hope we get to see Crystalgate at the Reunion. At last, we get to the runway, and despite early fears, no one has to walk down the runway naked. Truthfully, there aren't a lot of standouts, although I'm pretty shocked that Hormona's mermaid gown doesn't make it to the top. Arietty stuns in an extremely well-constructed homage to her roots. Acacia tries a different route by trotting out her take on the classic crocheted barbie doll toilet roll cozy, complete with sparkling nipple pasties for that luxe touch. I worry for, and about, Acacia. The Judges troll Jewels by heaping praise on Onya's purloined beads, but I'm taken back to ANTM's S6 Church Fashion Show with the Aswirl Twins. Sam wins with her busy and unflattering Muppet Victorian Whorehouse fantasy! Kori joins a dispirited Lucky and delusional Joella in the bottom. Kori is saved to tweet her safety to all of social media! Joella and Lucky spin to a feisty Paula Abdul track. Joella wins. What! Luck completely deserts Ms Starzzz, and she is dunked from the competition by an unimpressed Ru. Well, at least she's thrown a trip on her way out. Aw, I liked her drag. Next week: the queens recreate iconic DR moments in commercials! This could be good, or a complete trainwreck, in which case it will be awesome. Sam appears on the runway apparently dressed as a ham sandwich! At last, true fashion.

This week, we conclude the largely entertaining split premiere of Season 17...and end up exactly where we started. But more on that later! The first group of queens return to The Werkroom and congratulate themselves on making it through the first challenge. Except for Acacia, who wears the glum expression of a Dead Queen Walking as she ruminates her last-place ranking. It's actually pretty mean, but it does give her an advantage of getting extra time to prepare for her pending lipsynch. WoW wisely gives the queens time to introduce themselves to the audience, and we get several amusing exchanges as they prepare for the night's festivities. This is actually much more generous than what we've seen in the past, and a nice departure from the last few seasons. Like last week, all of the queens walk the runway, and this week it's in a category themed to showcase their respective derrieres. Also like last week, the results are mixed, as we are threated to no fewer than three Marie Antoinettes and a whole lot of bodysuits. While I feel for contestants who have to bring something new and fresh to the stage after innumerable iconic looks, the reality is that most of the looks are just okay, and often serve as a reminder to superior originals. The Judges lavish praise on Lana Ja'Rae, and while there's no denying her beauty, her outfit just doesn't have the punch and wow factor of Detox's red lace fantasy. Plus, there's a whole bunch of bodysuits. The talent show begins, and for once I'm glad that most of them have chosen fun, high-energy dance numbers that fit well within one minute segments. Hormona Lisa is an outlier and promises to wow her naysayers with a fun and sassy standup routine, and then boringly fails by throwing a few words around on stage. It looks like the standup comedy curse at the talent show remains unbroken! The Judges yak and the queens rate. Despite promising to rate their friends highly, Lexi and Crystal land in the top, which feels correct. Hormona glares sullenly as she is announced as the bottom queen, a result I am also entirely okay with. Lexi and Crystal swirl and twirl to "Alter Ego", a great lipsynch song, as Doechii looks on. Lexi wins! I'm gagged when she calls herself "an old lady". Girl, you're 33. Just stop. Acacia, who did not particularly impress with her drag on the runway this week, joins a seething Hormona on stage. Their lipsynch is less successful, but Acacia is declared the winner of their battle, and that's probably true. We prepare to send Hormona off the set, and if the other queens' reactions are to be believed, few of them will shed any tears at the thought. AND THEN, because she's apparently liked by no one and Ru wants to stir up drama, Ru saves her in an elaborate dog-and-pony act that takes up the rest of the episode! The entire thing is pure producer Riggory, of course, but the safe queens' incredulous looks at the audacity of the stunt did make me giggle. Hormona is gratefully emotional, etc., but she hasn't been shown to have much in her skillset to warrant the intervention. Whatever! Next week: we're having a ball! WoW promises to send a number of queens to fashion Jail as they scramble to replicate LaLa Ri's bag ball look with monopoly money! WHO will end up buying Park Place, and WHO will end up with Baltic Avenue??

Fourteen queens stumble on to the set as RuPaul attempts to ride the blood-soaked coattails of a certain Korean import phenomenon with a fun cold open! As a concept, it's at least more successful than The Handmaid's Tale conceit from All-Stars, and we get to see multiple fan favourites get taken out by a giant 'Lil Poundcake as they attempt to juke and jive to the safety line in a new take on "Red Light, Green Light". We even get treated to a view of Victoria "Porkchop" Parker being the first to be pied! It's nice to see her again after several years' absence. The fourteen "survivors" quickly enter into the Werkroom, engage in customary introductions, and dedrag. It's an interesting collection of performers, and a bit of a departure from recent seasons where poise and polish have been featured as favoured attributes. The queens immediately start naming their drag connections, and it's clear that many of them have deep and impressive ties within the larger Drag community. I'm actually hopeful -- for a moment -- that S17 will be a Battle of the Houses, which would be a great way of showing the strengths of each respective competitor and the heritage that they're representing, and could be an interesting way of incorporating former contestants into the show (as mentors, perhaps?). WoW makes it clear, however, that the alums featured in the first few minutes are just there for a photo shoot, and some contestants apparently don't have many connections at all, so that wouldn't be fair to them. On to Season 18, WoW! The sense of fun quickly fades as the parade of names flow past -- really, I did not expect the Ghost of Seasons past to include Plane and Luxx -- but I'll give it a pass for now. Mild Bitchery can be fun, but if we get Mistress 2.0 I'm walking. WoW has learned at least a little, and the premiere -- a talent show -- is split into two parts, although everyone walks the runway. And the runway is pretty bad, so I'm really not going to dwell on it here beyond repeating that it's bad. And that the theme is confusing, and also pretty dumb. Why are they being asked to mask if branding is so important to Ru? Dumb de dumb dumb dumb. Fortunately, the talent show overall is fun and engaging. Joella Ho is probably the least engaging of the bunch as she swirls in front of Katy Perry, her mentor? friend?, but all of the clips are pretty brief and largely painless. Ru trots out the ol' Rate-a-Queen chestnut, but integrates it more seamlessly by announcing that the non-performing queens will rank this episode's contestants, sending one to an elimination battle with next week's loser! More than one queen notes that this will allow friends to rank each other highly, irrespective of actual merit. And this is exactly what happens, which results in Acacia Forgot in the bottom, although she rightly points out that she was one of the few queens to show an actual talent. Two of them, in fact. Suzie Toot and Jewels Sparkles are the tops of the week! They, and the audience, are then subjected to the much-maligned title track of Perry's latest album, which was greeted with resounding silence upon its release. It's a mediocre lipsynch track, but at least Katy can take solace in the fact that it's not measurably worse than most of RuPaul's musical output. Nice try, Katy! Suzie wins! She declares, like many deluded darlings of the past, that this will be just the first of many victories in this competition! Well, not with those makeup skills you won't, as we are here clearly just a quickstep away from the Magical Superfund Cleanup Site of Amanda Tori Meating's famed paint. Here's hoping she foxtrots out of the twenties and makes it at least as far as Plasma's mid-century safety zone. Next week: Acacia gets thorny and promises to give everyone last-place rankings in revenge for their heinous voting! Clips are randomly shown out of context to let the audience believe that we will be stunned with more talent! We shall see. Stray thoughts: I still maintain that the runway was pretty bad, but I'm going to make an exception for Lucky Starzzz. Her piece of pizzaface perfection hit the fashion spot, and her Entrance Look was one of the best I've seen in years. I'm all for a long run for her this season if this is representative of the rest of her drag. -on the other end of the drag spectrum lies Onya Nurve, who made quite the sartorial impression this episode. If I was charitable, I'd channel Violet Chachki and suggest that her runway look was a "charming hodgepodge". I'm not feeling particularly charitable: that entrance look was Bob the Drag Queen as Divine in a lost outtake of the Pink Flamingos skit in S7. Yes, I know that Bob was not on Season 7. -Jewels, out of drag, is giving a young Carole Pope, ca. her Rough Trade era.

I'm stunned -- this is a great season! Okay, yes, there's Michelle. Too TOO much Michelle, but it's sort of nice not having Ru around. The Balls are usually some of my favourite challenges, but this episode was probably the weakest of the episodes so far this season. And it wasn't terrible! I thought that standing O was a bit over the top, though, as I really didn't like the winner's outfit.

Wikipedia DOB: April 17, 1980, so she'd now be 44. If she didn't shave a few years off her age. And IF Wikipedia is correct...

I'd rather see LaVoix on some type of AS, although why would she bother at this point? WoW would never give her the win, and she surely knows that. I'm now 0 for 6 on UK winners. I think I'll just retreat to my alternative universe for a few minutes, where Bimini reigns as the High Queen and Veronica never trotted out a butterfly trapped in fresh asphalt as a runway theme.

I had a brief moment of glee thinking that Xanax might end up in the bottom two; no such luck. Ugh, she's like Chanel without the (somewhat) delusional charm. I'm sad to see Tara go...but really, she should have immediately been eliminated for her runway. Girl, that was not Newfoundland's flag in 1949 -- it was introduced in 1980! You could have at least worn the Newfoundland tricolour!

The only thing that gives me pause is the fact that RuPaul clearly views LaVoix's run as a career boost -- if, indeed, it even needed that -- and not a Coming Out Party for a Drag Ingenue, which we know she prefers. There's still a chance that LaVoix can win it all, but the rabid drag fanbase skews young, and they probably aren't going to go for anyone over forty. Or thirty, for that matter.

Unless it's on a surprise upcoming season of Skin Wars, where someone is tasked with camouflaging her into a charcuterie board, NO. Didn't we suffer enough on AS9?

The panel's deliberations were particularly aggravating this week when they claimed that they finally got a glimpse of Lill "showing [us] who she really is". No, fools, she's been doing that throughout the entire competition. Pay attention! Of this season's many strengths, she was one of its main highlights. The elimination wasn't unexpected, but still disappointing. Still, better to have a proper goodbye just before the finals than be unceremoniously booted, without fanfare, as the runners-up will be next week. Kyran may have an outside chance at winning, but this is clearly La Voix's to lose.

This season is right up there with US 4, 5, and 6 as the best of the franchise's entire output -- it's simply stellar. I continue to be obsessed with Lill. .

I think this episode showed us persuasive evidence that Nehellenia was the winner of this Drag Race, but that Alyssa is the undisputed champion of RuPaul's Drag Marathon. This season would have been awful without her. I was mesmerized by Pythia's triple-headed look, a smart choice for Werkroom filler when she was sandwiched between both Kitty and Kween, which allowed her to look like she was simultaneously sneering at Kitty and staring blankly at Kween, while actually closing her eyes for a bit and taking a catnap. I may just have to steal that look for my next boardroom meeting.