[S12.E18: Hitting All the Wrong Cenotes]

You guys.  I loathe Ramona so intensely that I can’t even admit that Dorinda was being a hypocrite and deserved to be called out for it.  When Ramona pretended to cry and was wailing about how terribly upset she was, I could only appreciate it when Dorinda condescendingly said, “You’ll be okay.”  
 

Ramona lost me even further when she told Leah, “Just agree with us!!! This is serious and you don’t GET it!”  
 

Go fuck yourself, Ramona, you’re the only one who wants to! 

[S05.E11: Cabin Fever]

Shout out to the editors for cutting Pete out so thoroughly that it’s almost as if he doesn’t even exist on earth anymore.

[S03.E02: Bad at Being Good]

It’s going to take more time for me to learn the new names.

What a kick in the throat it must have been to be told the father of your 6 children who wouldn’t marry you over the course of over 22 years,  is going to marry an ex-con he has never even met in person. His poor daughter.  The kids are always so much smarter than their parents featured on this show.

I forget now who said “patterins”, but it might be the same guy who has a lot of life aberrations. I enjoy the accidental new words that blossom on these episodes.

Interesting that neither the girlfriend nor the mother of the man who lied to them both are actually mad at him about it.  He thinks he can find some middle answer without having to choose which one to live with, but that’s not how geography works, my dude.

[S11.E02: I've Never Met My Fiancé]

I feel like Amelia and Bennett’s wedding should have taken place outdoors - like at a Renaissance Festival, next to some horses and a juggler.  That would help some of the human body smells disperse, at least, and if things got really bad there’s always the natural oils and soaps shoppe, where everyone could smear some patchouli oil under their noses.  

He mentioned he put on deodorant for a change, but I’m not sure he showered first. He can’t be bothered to brush his hair or wear clean socks.  She may be cleaner, but doesn’t look it to me. I would not be shocked if her antiperspirant routine is that she rubs crystals on her pits. Her face didn’t look washed, but maybe it was just bad make-up. It’s one thing to look like you’ve just spent 3 days in bed binge-watching Netflix when you’re at home, but I thought everyone would try to look and smell their best at their own wedding.  Feeling naive about that now!

I’m pretty surprised that Bennett and Amelia already knew each other in some way that seems ... not ideal. On paper I really thought they seemed like an excellent match. 

If Karen isn’t nice to Miles, she’s going to really get a whooping on social media.  He seems fantastic!  I haven’t made up my mind about Woody, yet, but he seems too interested in being the center of attention.  His type of energy would wear on me quickly. 

I wish Olivia had run away once she realized Brett’s friends and family couldn’t come up with anything good to say about him. Nothing but different forms of, “Brett’s a dick, try throwing food at him and get ready for a lot of frustrating conversations.”

I’m feeling very good about this season so far, it seems a lot more interesting than last season. 

[S11.E02: I've Never Met My Fiancé]

Olivia sure drew the short straw.  I think she might have been better paired with the quiet guy we haven’t seen much yet.  He seems to be getting a weird one, too.  

[S03.E01: Stairway to Heaven]

I am absolutely furious that this show isn’t on 3 days a week.  There is clearly so much to cover with this fresh set of terrible decision makers. I am already morbidly fascinated with them all.

[S10.E10: Black Ties and White Lies]

I thought Old Home Week would be more entertaining than this.  The only part that interested me was seeing who spent thousands on the Coachella VIP Package, since we know it was cancelled, but I didn’t see who got it.

[S02.E07: I'm Not Your Baby]

I have no problem with Yazan’s mother’s reaction because she is not stupid, she is seeing Brittany’s bullshit clearly, and she’s had it.  Waiting a year, thinking she came to Jordan to finally marry their son only to find out no, just more excuses, and then to find out she has still done absolutely no research to learn about their culture, and see her bickering with Yazan in their home? Yeah, I get it.  Yazan led his parents to believe she was converting, that she understood what her role would be, that she had agreed to give up her non-Muslim life, and as soon as his mom realized that was not the case, she said OH HAIL NO, and I’ll back her on that.  Brittany could have said at any time over that year she refused to convert or comply with their rules and traditions.  She thinks she is standing up for herself like a strong woman, but she’s actually just being a dick at this point, and that’s not even including the lie about her non-divorce. I can only imagine what his parents think of her twerking videos on social media - of course they want her to stop that nonsense if she’s going to be their daughter in law and bear their grandchildren.  It shocks me more that they were ever willing to accept her based on what she has shown of herself.  She’s not just non-conservative, she’s the polar opposite, and if she has a history of bedding old sugar daddies for cash and prizes, then the prostitution concern isn’t all that far off the mark. They aren’t going to make it, and I’m eager for them to just call it.

I didn’t think Ari and her mother were being rude or elitist.  They seemed to be trying to choose their words carefully to not hurt his feelings, but their points were all valid. Ari adores him, he’s trying so hard, and if it was just them and no baby, she could make it work.  The baby changes everything and they really do have to be practical.  I can’t wrap my mind around “we don’t refrigerate” as an accepted practice in 2020. If you have electricity, then why would you ever just choose to not have some form of refrigerator?  Just a little one? Beyond my comprehension.

Deavon handled that talk with Jihoon better than I would have.  She was calm, concise, firm.  Clearly she was very sad and hurt, and I wouldn’t have blamed her for cussing him out a little, but she seemed to finally understand that no matter how much Jihoon may want to be a better man, he just ... isn’t. Maybe he never will be.  He can say all the right words a thousand times but he won’t even dip his toe into the water of actually doing anything that he promises. She’s got to cut him loose for real.

I don’t know why Jenny is in a hurry to marry Sumit.  He lives with her, they are hours away from his parents, they can be together all the time now, so I don’t see the big problem with waiting for the divorce process to complete as long as they have each other in every other way.

 

[S05.E02: Can’t Touch This]

Maybe instead of over easy it’s more universal to say over light. I’ve heard it both ways, but for some reason over easy just sounds like it could have developed in American slang.

[S04.E17: Tell All Part 2]

I guess my favorite part was when David insisted that he and Lana are definitely still engaged, but they are no longer together. 
 

Or maybe it was when David said the reason he used the pay site to talk to Lana and other women was to ensure he WASN’T being scammed. He is unbelievably dense, a total lost cause.

[S05.E02: Can’t Touch This]

I’ll bet everyone who has ever had the misfortune of working with Lara in the past was watching this episode yelling, “SEE?!??? This is what I was telling you about, she’s IMPOSSIBLE!”

Her parents must have taken encouraging her to stand up for herself way too far if she was already bucking up at her teachers in grade school.  Basically, she admits she’s always been an asshole, but she’s trying to wrap it in paper that looks like “strong woman who takes no shit”. We all see through it, and I can’t imagine who, besides her parents, have ever found her obnoxious attitude to be endearing.

[S05.E02: Can’t Touch This]

Lara is making my stomach hurt.  I want her to get off the boat as soon it docks and keep walking. If I had to work with her I would have the hardest time not punching her in the throat. Sandy’s seething hatred for Hannah is going to make getting rid of Lara difficult, which is a shame. I am totally Team Hannah on this.

Kiko seems like such a sweetheart. I’m glad Hannah was able to offer him the semi-save on forgetting the additional plate by implying it was due to the half-serving request.

Malea seems to be doing a good job so far, and I like her clear communication. 

[On Patrol: Live - General Discussion]

That New Orleans officer does need a vacation, and I need a break from him, too.  He’s SOOOOO sarcastic all the time, and has basically had it with everyone’s shit before he even speaks to them.  I didn’t like the way he treated the people walking from the convenience store back to their motel. He actually said  flat out that they don’t have the right to a courteous interaction with the police, but I disagree. They were never discourteous to him and he was a jerk from the second he stopped them from walking and minding their own damn business.  
 

I don’t know if he thinks he’s funny and clever, or if he’s acting out for the cameras like a kid would, but he needs to dial himself down several notches. 

[S01.E08: Home]

For me, the whole series was about people desperately wanting things they could either never have, or that they got and wish they hadn’t. So much unhappiness in every episode - it really drained me.

I appreciated the unusual beauty and mystery, I was invested in many of the characters, but it left me with a sore heart.

I wish the final episode had resolved the Enemies story. I need to know how George rowed back home with one arm, why the banished robot needed fire and to eat fish, and how the banished robot’s life was somehow supposed to be better with two arms. Nice sentiment, but it’s still completely alone forever.

[S01.E14: The Birds]

That poor delivery guy that Adam was yelling at. Ugh, Adam is THE WORST. He did indicate on WWHL that he won’t be working on boats anymore after this, so that’s something.

I’m still mystified as to why luxury yacht life is being combined with sailing when it causes the luxury items to be thrown around and broken.  I think the two different types of experiences should be separated, and that it’s weird to put such an enormous yacht at such risk by making it a sailboat instead of just a motor vessel.  
 

Im tired of being subjected to Georgia’s affected style of singing. I don’t think this show is going to propel her into musical stardom. 

[S12.E05: Not So Model Behavior]

I would like to see Ramona and BH’s Sutton in a cage match to the death. Both of them so rude that it’s mind boggling, while going around pointing fingers at everyone else telling them how rude they are like Captains of the Manners Police. 
 

Ramona berating Tinsley the second she walked in about the way she left her room knowing Ramona didn’t have a housekeeper was rich.  The only thing that is clear from all the bitching Ramona has done about how her guests didn’t clean up her house is that she should have hired help. WHY DIDN’T SHE HIRE HELP? She literally shit on the floor of a mansion and left it there for someone else to clean, but she doesn’t think it’s necessary to hire anyone to help keep her own house in order during a drunken party weekend? 
 

Then Ramona had to tell Tinsley she walked down the runway too fast???  Ramona is the last person who can tell anybody the right way to work a runway, I mean come on, the hypocrisy is blinding.

I was hoping to never see Ramona eating an oyster ever again, and then to add in her making sex noises while exercising? There is almost nothing about Ramona that doesn’t make me sick. 
 

LuAnn is like a grifter, going around stealing services from people who are being paid by someone else. I would be impressed by it if I didn’t think she’s such an asshole. Maybe next week they will show her crashing a wedding just to eat some free caviar and snag a floral centerpiece for her apartment.

I like the shorter hair on Sonja, it takes a few years off of her face.

Dorinda is such a miserable downer now. Hard to believe this is the same person from her first season. 
 

I still really miss Bethenny. 

[S10.E03: First Impressions, True Confessions]

Thank goodness Kyle heeded the advice to remove the “pedestrian” (?) votive holders from the table, or Sutton would have had a FIELD DAY criticizing them. Perhaps Sutton would be more comfortable on Southern Charm with the other assholes that pretend they have manners and use them as their excuse to be mean.

Growing up in the South I have seen my fair share of Suttons in the form of mothers and mothers in law of some of my friends. In fact, my own MiL tries to pull that bullshit on me sometimes, even though she was raised in a tiny house in a poor neighborhood in Kentucky, just a few years removed from her own mother growing up in a shack with a dirt floor.  She now wears full length real fur coats if the weather dips below 70 degrees, covers herself in flashy jewelry, speaks loudly in what she thinks is a posh manner, and tries to school me on all the “right” ways to do things. Little does she know my maternal grandparents were legitimately wealthy and lived in high society where manners were a big part of life, and taught to all of their grandchildren, but we were also raised how to be polite and use certain forms of etiquette without awkwardly shaming other people who didn’t. Southern women putting on airs and acting fancy as a vehicle to make digs at others is highly unattractive, no matter how much real money they might actually have.

i wish Kyle hadn’t gotten new teeth, I find their fakeness distracting. First cosmetic procedure she’s had done that I think was a miss, her real teeth were fine. Now she and Ramona both look weird with their blinding white chompers.

[S10.E03: First Impressions, True Confessions]

Getting cancer is a good thing that saves our lives from deadly infection? Wow, Aaron, cool story, bro.  Funny how they went from the cool, likable couple last season to the pair of annoying nutballs this season.

I really can’t stand Sutton, and would like to see her get kicked into the sun. She claims to be polite, but I don’t know how polite it is to be the one who keeps making the record scratch to a halt throughout a dinner party. Her self-importance is exhausting, and her bangs look like clip-ons. She can call Teddy rude all day long, but Sutton is the giant asshole here. It’s very off-brand for me to not give a ton of slack to someone for having a cat, but I’ve got nothing good to say about this new hag except that her house is pretty. 

 

 

[Married at First Sight: Second Chances, Season 1, Episodes 1-2]

I’m just starting this season now, and so far, by the end of episode 2, I’m seeing David as so much more dorky than I did on his first season.  Some of the women are out of his league physically, and would probably say no if he asked for their number in a bar, but him being a low-rent Bachelor brought in the camera hungry women.

Jennifer constantly popping up and trying to flirt with him, and begging for another chance, it’s all so terribly uncomfortable to watch.  

Vanessa is still gorgeous. I hope she picks a good one! 

[S04.E08: Stranger In A Strange Land]

All of this week’s Ed scenes were exactly what I needed. They reminded me of the golden Pole days of yore, and every time he slipped and flung a container of pig food through the air, I howled with laughter.  It was like a Chris Farley sketch, right down to the perfect delivery of SONOFABITCH!!!!!! at the end.

Conversely, all of Geoffrey’s bullshit has me furious. Oh, you don’t like to talk about the bad shit you did? Boo boo! I really believe that he chose to tell Varya about the drug arrests only because he didn’t think she would be very upset about them, and write it all off as him being young and desperate - he was absolutely not expecting the reaction she had.

Yeah, the woman at the candy store has never seen Lana because that photo is not Lana. Does that woman look like she eats a lot of candy, David? No. The person you have been talking to who makes regular trips to a candy shop is not going to be a tiny waisted model, it’s just simple math.  But there is no math in the world simple enough for David to comprehend.  You can’t even tell the man the roads are so bad they will bust open your tires without him being surprised  and blindsided when the roads are so bad they busted open his tires.

I just FF past everything Stephanie and Darcy.  All the Darcy stuff is just a repeat anyway. Her whole life is a repetitive loop of unhealthy decisions and desperation, it seems.

It was very satisfying to watch Usman’s mom say a CAPITAL NO to Lisa and just get the hell outta there. I hope so much this all turns out to be a scam he runs to keep his family in free goats.

[S10.E14: Fight or Flight?]

I wish I could have seen what Meka would be like with a decent partner, because I haven’t disagreed with a single word she’s said, but DAMN has it been hard to listen to her.  I watch LIVE PD, and sometimes when a guy is getting arrested his woman is in the background just machine-gun yelling at the police about the situation, and nobody listens to her words because of the woodpecker-to-the-head delivery.

I’m glad there is one couple doing well, but when I look at Jessica I just see Ryan Reynolds’ unfunny, bland younger sister. Her giggle drives me nuts. But at least she and Austin are happy.

Katie is an unbelievable, wretched shrewhag, and I want to kick her straight into the sun. Every time Derek apologizes to her I want to yell NOOOOOOO!! Do not give her what she wants! 
 

 

[Love After Lockup: Life After Lockup]

“So, Michael, do you love Maria?”

”................................................yih.”

Well, I’m convinced!

 

I wish instead of tussling that Chane and Chon would have discussed how all their problems are actually Lacey’s fault, then both dumped her skanky ass and left together to get a beer and talk more shit about her while she stands around at home whining about how unfair it all is.

But I have to say, I do not like the way Chon picks on Chane with schoolyard bully tactics.  He of the brown front tooth made fun of Chane’s teeth? And made fun of his job where a hard hat is required? And made fun of him not having a set of matching luggage? I’m pretty sure Chon carried his belongings out of prison in a garbage bag, too. That kind of provoking is bullshit, and Chane was a lot more mature in those moments than Chon was.
 

It’s shocking to me that Tony broke the rules of no prostitutes and random phone checks, even after signing that legally binding document telling him not to!! At least Angela is definitely done with him this time. She and Sarah should get together and have coffee to talk about how definitely done with their losers they definitely are. Two strong women. Who are DONE. 
 

I just want Andrea’s kids to somehow be ok after their lives have turned into chaos because their mom insists on clinging to Lamar like a human ankle monitor. 
 

[Lacey & Shane/Chane & John/Chon: Balloon Lips and Malicious Wounding]

I’ve been binging these seasons and at 50 years old I am still somehow naive enough to have not understood that Lacey and Chane having sex 5-10 times per day was for her video cam porn business... I mean modeling. Now I’m wondering if that was part of why she “chose” him over Shon - his youth and virility means more money coming in. 
 

Just when I thought she couldn’t possibly gross me out more.

[Brittany & Marcellino: He'll Keep You Company During Your Alone Time]

I just binged this show because of the COVID-19 Please Stay Home thing, and my most important takeaway from everything is that I would die for Giovanni. That is one precious, lovable kid. Also, Sarah and Michael’s daughter is very sweet, but Giovanni makes my heart do flips...he’s such a sweetheart. 

[S01.E11: The Reunion]

I definitely felt a couple of times like Kelly was very displeased with Kenny being in a supergreat happy relationship now.  She says all the right things, but her facial expressions said something very different.

I was really hoping Diamond and Carlton wouldn't be on the reunion, their story is so awful and the last thing I wanted to see again was that horrible fight where he started talking shit about her wig slipping just because she didn't instantly accept his confession without any questions.  He will always be gross to me after that low-level shit.

I actually think Amber looks better with the blonde hair.  It softens her up a little. I still don't enjoy her, and the wide open mouth guffaws continue to get on my last nerve, but I don't disagree with what she said to Jessica.  I think Barnett wanted a "hot wife", with a "wild streak", and that's what he got, along with all of her flaws. Neither of them are perfect, but I think they might make it long term.  Maybe not as solid a couple as Lauren and Cameron seem to be, but not any less solid than a lot of conventional couples out there in the world.

I hope this is the last we see of Gigi and Damian.

As much as this reunion was not particularly exciting, I really appreciate that everyone behaved like adults, there was no crazy yelling over each other, people were respectful and calm. That's actually the thing I've liked about this show overall in comparison  to the Bachelor franchises, and any other reality shows where dating is involved - this group of people may have had some train wreck moments, but it wasn't the train wreck show I expected.  I felt like I was watching real people do real things, and it was so refreshing that they spent quality time together and used it to its full advantage, as opposed to "We have spent collectively 17 minutes together talking about how we are both ready for marriage, and spelunking down a building, so I'm definitely ready to go at it in the Fantasy Suite and lock this thing down!"

I had read an article about Rory that said he did fall in love during the process, and proposed, but once they got together in person things fizzled out.  I would have liked a quick update on all the other people who started the season but didn't make it to Mexico. Maybe they are going to reuse some of them for Season 2.  I'm definitely in for another round of this experiment!  It gave me snark material AND it gave me warm, fuzzy feelings.  At the end of the day, I am a sucker for people falling in love, because it's the best feeling in the world, and I am fascinated by human behavior and how easy it is to confuse infatuation with love, but at the same time I am always rooting for anyone who thinks they have truly found their person.