Snobordnwifey

As the parent of a 17 year old daughter on the spectrum, I will give you a bit of a explanation. She has the adhd factor that it appears that Olivia has also. Impulsivity with speech and body movement. My daughter can absolutely think of others. In a setting where you are asking her questions in an interview style, she absolutely could tell you that burping in public might make others uncomfortable or that she shouldn’t make assumptions about other people’s disability status. In the moment, it is quite a different story. This is the difference between what one might call pragmatic skills and intellectual skills. She knows all the right answers, but she struggles to implement them when interacting with others. Her head is so full of stuff: ideas, thoughts, sensory experiences. Her mind races a mile a minute, so often times she says things that she shouldn’t or acts in a way that society looks down on. That said, she is also the most loving, genuine, “I’d give you anything you need” kind of person. She just can’t always read what someone else needs, especially in the seconds she has in between interactions. She does much better if people are upfront about what they are thinking or feeling. The other day, she came out of a counseling appointment and she looked really emotional and kind of wigged out. After a few minutes, she told me “mom, my brain slowed down for the first time ever. It’s going so slow and it’s really scaring me because it’s so different.” It was really odd. I always tell people that life to her is like driving in rush hour traffic in a major city, going the speed limit, but having people slam on brakes all around you, the guy next to you almost moving into you lane and an ambulance with sirens and lights trying to get through, while your kids fight in the back and your toddler screams. In those overwhelming traffic situations, it’s hard to pay attention to the meaningless things going on around you. You wouldn’t react to them the same way as you normally would because your mind is in hyper-focus mode. That is what my daughter lives with every day, so to ask her to make judgments on the fly about what others are thinking and feeling and behave accordingly is a tall order. She does a pretty dang good job of it, but others have no idea how much work it is for her. A little grace goes a long way. Also, many autistic people think some of societies rules are silly (I agree to a degree). It’s just another thing to remember in an already overwhelming world.