Unsinn

SPEAK IT. The trips to the bridal boutiques are worse (thus far, the jewelry stores have been smaller chains and pawn shops). It’s pure Fantasyland, and the “bridal consultants” are beholden, for all the reasons “HelloHappyLife” mentioned. They cannot afford to stand on snobbery or to judge a book by its cover (not that’s ever “okay”) and have to take everyone who walks in the door as if they have a black MasterCard and are shopping for a Royal Wedding... even when they look and act like Giggling Glorietta, high on helium and Halperidol, and Angela with her wayward tooth (and wayward fiancée on the lam). It doesn’t matter that most good salespeople develop a sense of who’s serious, who’s not, who’s open to going a bit higher, who really shouldn’t (and so the sale - and ensuing problems - will come back to bite the salesperson in the a**)... a good salesperson greets every customer with champagne and congratulations, eager to make the bride the “Queen for a Day” of [the bride’s] dreams. The vast majority of LALers don’t make it to the altar, despite the hard press from their determined “civilian” fiancées (fiancés in the cases of Clint, Scott and Vince, none apparently completely on the up and up themselves and whose mental health/sanity could be fairly called into question) the minute the cons hit the terra firma of freedom (or parole). While Mary (of Mary and Dominic) put aside her fantasies for a bare-bones boatside vows (and in, um, streetwear, and in the Winter!), Clint and his runaway back-and-forth bride Tracie had two; one in a cowboy bar and the second in Vegas. The “civilian” Johnna (mea culpa; I still can’t get over someone naming a baby Vajohnna ; High School and the catcalling of Va-jay-jay had to be hell) wised up at least long enough to bolt from her (allegedly) con-planned beach wedding, leaving Matt standing bemused in the rose petals in the sand with the JP with no one else, aside from the LAL crew, in attendance. That’s what allegedly wised up Johnna, however temporarily - real awareness evidently arrived later - when her wedding didn’t involve her beloved father walking her down the aisle. Maybe LAL budgets more ”fantasy” for the more solid couples? Marcelino and Brittany had a very nice wedding as I recall. I don’t remember Andrea and Lamar’s wedding off the top of my head (was it shown on LAL?), but Andrea is such a (in all other ways) good, observant Mormon girl that I can’t imagine her living in sin just on and on. Lamar, on the other hand... Sure. Easily. But last I saw Lamar he was speeding out of Utah full-throttle, thoroughly freaked by the all-Mormons, all-the-time, Full-Court-Press on conversion “Children of the Corn” vibe (Lamar’s own hysterically on-point characterization). Andrea certainly wanted a big do-up (and certainly one in a Mormon Temple, at least at some point). The Pilgrimage to the Bridal Shop, complete with the brides - their usual “looks” aside - all go for the super-hyper-most of the tippy-toppiest of bridal froth and trimmings is a LAL staple for which the “civilian-fiancées” have been planning and pining for years (in most cases). Glorietta in her mermaid gown (has anyone, anywhere, including anorexic 6’ runway models, looked their best in a mermaid gown? It’s a tough look to pull off in real life without fans to lift it and make it “flow”, etc). Forget Snagglepuss’s wayward tooth, perpetually-manicured talons and omnipresent cigarette, Angela went full Vera Wang designer Snow White-Cinderella... would Tommy be her Dude of Honour?... if only she had not received such an importune and shocking phone call that her Prince Charming was unaccountably on the lam! Our poor damsel in distress could only weep as her friend, the experienced Former Prison Catfisher herself, dried Angela’s tears and advised her to cut bait permanently and do some running of her own. Maybe LAL has a few bridal shops on retainer for these scenes, or a bridal shop set? 😳

If Daniel wanted to take a(n icky, grotesque, permanent) “page” from Alexander’s Book of Criminal Appreciation & Romance, (available now from the Amazon..com section of self-published masterpieces 🙄😉😁) he could “memorialize” his “appreciation” for Lizzy, and her flesh(y) contributions, with a tat. Alexander could be function as a living (albeit gross) “flash wall” of “criminal [and criminally-bad] luuuuuuv appreciation” done by prison “scratchers”. No doubt Daniel’s Mom/Teresa would have even more reason for maternal pride and confidence; he fleeced her for a “promise/engagement ring”, no doubt he’d do it for an permanent tat. Plus, on a 150-200 US$ budget, and the level by which Daniel defines “quality”, it’s not likely he’d know, seek out or be able to afford the more artistic of those who proudly identify themselves as “loyal to the coil”, spend years in apprenticeship and are constantly developing and mastering different techniques and innovations, while devoting themselves to improving their own artistic style (stilo, in Alex-speak, ya feel me? 🙄😄) As mentioned before, the application of tats while incarcerated is both illegal and a punishable infraction of the rules to both the “doer” and the “receiver”. However, it doesn’t appear Alexander has met any of those who have somehow managed to create “art”under those conditions, anyway. It’s not like Lizzy is likely to be averse; she has some (less than impressive) ink herself (as does the glorious Glorietta, cue shrill, nasally tittering). I’d mention LALers all getting wedding tats, but perish the thought, they’d probably all think it was an awesome idea, and I don’t want to risk the karmic responsibility, even with irony, sarcasm, as a joke or a fluke. 😳 DeBeers was wrong. Diamonds may last eons, but bad ink, even with the best of biting, searing lasers, may edge out diamonds for “forever” (and not that, for all the feelings of entitlement, any of the LAL-lovelorn are likely to get a genuine diamond with good “4Cs” ratings larger than a drill bit).

As I posted somewhere before, people “afford” what is important to them, and obviously, these people have different priorities. Before anyone opens fire on me about sh*tty or non-existent medical and dental insurance; stop, you’re preaching to the choir, I know, I know, and I have insurance. The fact is, all of the people mentioned have choices, and they willingly made them (even if the consequences and repercussions have complicated and made difficult their own lives). Angela chose to pour her money into Tony. She was even shown, in one of the earliest episodes of “Angela & Tony” carefully budgeting her financial support of her incarcerated “love”. It was always a risky proposition at best, again-again, she freely choose it, pursued it, ignored all “red flags” and warning signs, chose to believe in the romantic, against-all-reasonable odds of the relationship, and predictably it revealed itself to be a very poor ”investment” for which she has received no benefits in return. In contrast, self-improvement might raise her self-esteem and help her to realize that, for all her alleged accomplishments, she’s “worth more” than an ex-con with nothing to offer and now, a personal track record with her of lies and betrayal. She went for Fantasy over Reality, and in fairness, Reality isn’t all that “fun”, which is why so many find refuge in even the most convoluted of fantasies... reinforced by TV, movies and the ever-growing roster of “social media stars”, famous for being famous and “influencing”, whose lives are apparently built on ether but somehow backed by real money... though that last can disappear as well. Dental Health just doesn’t seem to be a “popular priority”, sometimes even amongst people who otherwise visit health professionals regularly. Another citizen of Fantasyland, Glorietta and her nasally falsetto is allegedly flush enough to have “five thousand [dollars] for the right dress” (I know plenty of people who had lovely, meaningful weddings for far less than that; not necessarily out of poverty but because their focus was on the union, becoming spouses, and the realities of life together afterwards, rather than the popular drive of The Big Party and the Big Show). Glorietta has a little girl’s “wish book” (rather than actual wedding planner) all lace, inspirational love quotes, soft-focus pictures and magazine pull-outs, so completely immersed that she chastised the baffled Alex for picking the “wrong” dress amongst the several she’s saved. The facial mole is the least of the issues she could address. A Reality Check would serve her much better... and the Reality is that her “soulmate” is still deeply in love with another woman, not to mention unemployable with his lack of an education and all his tats (esp the face and neck). He has taken himself out of the running for the kind of employment that might afford dizzy Glorietta the lifestyle to which her fantasies have convinced her she’s due and entitled (not to mention Alex also lacks a general education and still has far to go just on the basics). Unless Glorietta’s mole has been identified by a doctor as “suspicious”, a removal would be considered cosmetic and an out-of-pocket expense. Glorietta has already amply displayed her budgetary concerns lie elsewhere... and, as increasingly shown... Alex’s choices are, primarily, with another woman. R’ut R’oh. I’m not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. 😁. I don’t think that’s a cyst, it’s a scar. Having read Lizzy’s (online; in response to a lot of unnecessary and cruel commentary and trolling) explanation of the scar on her chest (a “cherry” on a cigarette came off and burned her chest badly when she was in her early-mid ‘teens), I have a theory: Lizzy’s “keloid”. Her account sounds completely believable; “cherries”, especially at the very end of a cigarette, near the filter, can be large and very hot, and drop off unexpectedly, leaving the smoker holding an empty filter. Adding, perhaps, that Lizzy may have been “altered” (under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs) at the time, she may not have immediately noticed, and received a nasty, deep burn on “young”, tender skin. Keloid scars are difficult to treat; how to remove a scar when someone has issues with scarring itself? Considering the size of Lizzy’s scar and location, that it’s not inhibiting anything, it’s a purely cosmetic issue that would require a specialist and a lot of out-of-pocket expense. Considering Lizzy’s apparent level of knowledge, she may not even be aware she’s keloid. It’s amazing how easy it is to get tattoos, especially bad ones, and how extremely involved, painful and expense removal is. No way around it, removal involves targeting and burning the ink out of the flesh with lasers. It’s painful, and there is the smell of burning flesh. Worse, there’s nothing “artistic” about Alex’s - or any of those on LAL - tats. Most of the tats, by their design and placement, scream PRISON. (Prison tats are not, of course, created with the appropriate ink specially formulated for tattooing, and the instruments are Prison-DIY. Both the creating and receiving of tats are illegal activities in prison as well.) There’s nothing attractive or “artistic” the majority of the LAL tats, esp Alex’s grotesque “drops”. They’re not even “gangsta” (Alex, for all his posturing is not ‘bout that life), they’re just... teenaged boy foul on a permanent level. God bless Julianna, his former girlfriend with whom he still is very obviously still in love, could not have been impressed by his tats if those were “new” work. If they’re old, maybe they were acceptable in her “old” life and standards, her self-admitted unhealthy and addicted lifestyle... she certainly appears to have massively improved and “upgraded”. She’s now “clean” and very put-together. Whatever their history or ties, she has to know that Alex, and his “look”, how he walks, talks, dresses (ya feel me?) would be a step “back”, and a huge step down from the new life she’s embraced. He’s not going to be a good look on her arm. Aaron Carter (a massive train wreck in his own right, with allegedly a long list of diagnosed psych conditions and personality disorders taking up chapters in the DSM-V, plus addictions of nearly every kind) just made himself unemployable even by the pliable standards of fame with a new tat (that “upped the ante” by adding to another large neck tat) of Rihanna-as-Medusa (which he says represents his mother 😳) that covers half his face. For all his illnesses and erratic behaviour, Aaron still has a past as a moneymaker with a degree of talent. Alex doesn’t have any of that. Anywhere he goes, aside from perhaps factory and manual labour work, the employer is going to stop dead at the visible (and again, grotesque) tats and piercings. Lizzy has none of the cachet Julianna has going for her. Yeah, yeah, she’s been busy “concentrating on school” (though she’s admitted that was not completely true) and has yet to truly sever from her troubled past and “upgrade” (did viewers really need the footage of her and Daniel’s epic ”first time” in the laundry room, complete with ratty, worn, mismatched underwear? It wasn’t romantic, it wasn’t “untamed”... it was a mating, like Nat’l Geographic without a “natural” setting; not that Cheryl and Josh banging one out in the underbrush on the side of the road bespoke any romance... 😳) Unfortunately, damage done through plastic surgery is not easily “undone”. Again, choices. Lacey signed up for that look, and however she did it, paid for it. I can’t imagine a board-certified plastic surgeon “creating” that look. That being said, and most plastic surgery being “elective”, they’ll always be someone, somewhere, who will take your money, from the line of high-priced plastic surgeons who played their roles in the creation of such plastic surgery nightmares as Jocelyn Wildenstein (warning before you Google) and the late Michael Jackson (whose nose died several years before he did), to the women so desperate for discount plastic surgery that they allowed cooking and automative oils, solvents and “fillers” to be pumped into their faces, lips, buttocks (from the famous, like Priscilla Presley, to the cases of several not-famous women who have died). Plastic Surgery “correction” has become a booming cottage industry just like tat removal (and artistic tat “covers”). They’re all more expensive and “involved” than the original procedures. Besides, in Lacey’s experience, her “talking sex doll look” has been lucrative. Shane is wowed down to the DNA imprinted on his testosterone. (We can all hope his tastes evolve and mature... 😳) So, so true. But... consider... even if you assembled all the specialists, offered to professionally “remake” the LALers, each makeover specific to them, all free... what are the chances you think all, or any, would avail themselves of it? I can picture at least some of them being proud of their “looks”, argue it showed their “life’s journey”, “rebel heart”, “free, independent, creative spirit”, all that stuff. Remember, Alex’s tats are an alleged chronology of past lovers who “earned” (ick) their ink on his pasty, shaven body. He’s proud of them.

Nah, RealReality, Ye Old Knuckle Shuffle would require a degree of multitasking, an ability at which, traditionally, most men are not very good. Necessity (and visceral drive) has driven many men to adapt and learn multitasking, at least as far as that particular exercise goes. But we are talking about Vince, here. The migration of a large portion of blood flow and focus all headed South, away from the Brain (the “Big Head”) might cause him to accidentally asphyxiate, as it could easily overwhelm his need to focus on “Blink, Breathe, Swallow, Repeat”. 😆

Well... it doesn’t appear that poor Vince has issues with an overload of blood supply South of his Mason-Dixon Line, as God bless him, he’s been more than understanding and patient with the whistling empty wasteland of the smallest of shows of affection from his jailbird fiancée. Utterly unsurprisingly, Amber has confirmed the deductions of just about everyone “here”, that her orientation, and affections, lay elsewhere in general and in Puppy (who’s showing herself more a piranha of late) in particular. This leads the possibilities that Vince’s “revolutionary medical invention” is either to increase oxygen to the brain (no evidence he’s availing himself of this) or raising the ability to live without oxygen to the brain (Breathe, Vince. Blink. Swallow. Repeat.) Only guesses, of course... I’m just not feeling anything not sold on a wee-hours-of-the-morning infomercial (at best).

Shame on you, PityFree. No warning for that pithy gem? I laughed out loud. (I have wondered if certain areas just have a dearth of dentists.) i understand people make it possible to afford the things important to them, but budgeting your prison “love”? That’s hardcore. Angela, God bless Snagglepuss, she really invested in Tony (makes you imagine her considering “investment opportunities” in email chain letters from Nigerian princes). Most cons would have at least come out of prison roaring, shagged Angela silly and then roared off on the motorcycle she bought for him with everything he could easily carry. Angela might have loved and lost, but she would have been watching that dust rise in the distance while breathless and nearly crippled, wondering “who was that Masked Man?” A better ending, so to speak, than Tony whining and waxing apologetic, earnest and ardent, while segueing clumsily, obviously, to his need for lost-halfway house digs (“Can I come home to you?”) with a week to go, Angela pretending she hasn’t been long considering it, and the Countdown to Tony bolting like a horsefly-stung donkey... again.

Are you kidding? She’s literally an eager volunteer. I can eek out a bit (a very, very minuscule bit) for being conned by a con; people who start up prison correspondences (which always turn to romance and support; cons don’t waste their stamps on the people who want to preach to/convert them; they want to be entertained and emotionally and financially supported, there’s already religious studies groups in prison, if that’s their thing), but Angela is taking stupid to new heights, or rather, lows. Bottom line: she’s fishing in the “prison pool” because, theoretically, danger and “outlaws” spin her creaky wheels. That’s why she has no real respect for the reliable, codependent, boringly “normal” Tommy. As I noted before, Angela can’t swan into the local pool hall-tavern and compete with the local barflies 20+ years younger than she is for whatever is available in the way of “decent” (broadest definition) men. Whatever her (considerable) bravado (sweetly supported by Tommy), Angela knows that. She wants the Marlboro Man, with a motorcycle instead of a horse, who’s “bad” (but not really), who’s “exciting” and enviable. She seems to have some kind of cognitive dysfunction in her apparent inability to understand that lawbreakers, by their nature, do not have moral compasses that point True North and have amazingly pliable definitions of Truth. The tropes of the “Misunderstood Bad Boy”, the “Thief with the Heart of Gold”, the “Robin Hood Outlaw”, are just that... tropes. They're fantasies, and exceedingly rare in Real Life. You’re more likely to meet the Pope squeezing melons and checking tomatoes for bruises in your local grocery store. Beggars can’t be choosers, and men in prison are likely to be more forgiving of little issues like age, extra pounds, crows’ feet, poor dentistry, etc et al, especially when the initial photograph has been helped along by PhotoShop and the whole deal is sweetened with financial support. It’s a whole different story when, as the viewers have seen, Tony was confronted by Angela (and her nearly-frightening determination to get it on right away) and Amber was faced with Vince who reasonably expected some show of affection from the woman who had freely accepted his marriage proposal. Hurt and humiliated, Angela gave four (impressive, for her situation) months of “radio silence” to “Asshole Tony”, yet... never blocked his number. Oh, sure, she’s angry, yep, and hurt, etc, but she still has that door cracked, she wants to be wooed “back”. Nothing, or more to the point, no one, has appeared in those four months to wow Angela, climb on that motorcycle and roar off with her clinging to his back with her hair streaming in the wind. If there had been, she would have found it very easy to forget Tony’s name and turn off the phone she might still be paying for. (She confiscated the phone she gave him, but as she still has his number programmed into her phone, she may still be paying for his phone service). Angela and Tony are out of options. She is because she’s into a fantasy, he is because his frantic attempts to find another “sugar mama” more to his liking in his first, brief time “out” were unsuccessful. This doesn’t mean one another are their best options (maybe for Tony, choosing security over actual feeling) nor does it mean they’ll end up at the altar, much less in a successful marriage. It just means they’re both willing to put more effort into something fundamentally flawed than anything realistic.

That Angela, she’s a wild and dangerous biker chick. 😳 Cue Steppenwolf’s “Born to Be Wild”.

The Recap and Commentary: Well, wow. To quote Shakespeare: “... a poor player / That struts and frets his hour upon the stage / And then is heard no more. It is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing.” Biiiiiiiiig build-up. Not much real action, aside from some confirmations of some issues long suspected here. Vince & Amber... and Puppy Surprise! No, not really. Amber and Puppy are running game on Vince. No Academy Awards will be presented to Amber, though there never had been danger of that. From Episode One of this Season, exactly no one “bought” that Amber felt anything but contempt for the man whose marriage proposal she had accepted. Amber had scented a promising source of income in Vince, who had piqued her mark-radar. She admits that Vince’s talk about a revolutionary invention that could produce riches set Amber and Puppy to planning. During an on-camera conversation with Puppy in jail, it’s revealed that it was Amber’s “job” to reel Vince in and keep him happy, the goal to be for Amber to keep a hold (and drain) on Vince, until Puppy was out of prison and Amber could accrue enough that, with Puppy’s help (in draining Vince of funds), they could provide for herself, Puppy and Puppy’s Mom (sweet of them to think include Kathy 😳🙄). Puppy “reminds” Amber she needs to stick with the plan, and orders her to at least give Tony a few hummers and keep him happy. Amber expresses unadulterated revulsion and admits she cannot even bear his company, much less any more. She even challenges Puppy to take over “that part”, joking that Puppy can be Vince’s “daughter and his wife!” Amber’s stony Butch-in-Charge act wobbles when confronted by Puppy’s orders: Amber needs to stick to the plan, her desire to run be damned. Puppy wants to collect. Meanwhile, Puppy’s mother Kathy appears to have overheard the conversation, or at least Amber’s part of it, from the overhead deck. The gravelly-voiced Kathy has been more farmore level-headed, clear-sighted and honest than either Amber or her daughter. Cheryl & Josh Please, for the love of God and All Things Holy (on All Saints’ Day and la Día de los Muertos, no less) no more close-ups of Cheryl, especially not in HD. High-definition does her painful, über-anorexic frame and her complexion no favours. Her lack of any body fat adds years to her face, harshening and coarsening it, and her perpetual hysterics add to an over-all very unflattering look. She’s yet another LAL-er completely focused on being a bride. Even as she tries to give the impression that she’s so aware of and sensible about Josh’s situation, his lack of funds, lack of a job, his obligation to make financial restitution for his crime, their need to budget and save... and what all that means, she cannot keep “on message”. In her very next words, with a force of whiplash, she’s pouting over a “real” ring (one the penniless, jobless Josh buys) and a “proper” proposal (to be followed an extravagant wedding and that ranch with Longhorn cattle...) When not fluctuating between these two objectives, the hyper-moody Cheryl finds new and interesting things about which to be offended and fight. Angela & Tony: Poor Snaggletoothasaurus. She looks pale, deflated and defeated; puffy, like she both gained and lost weight, as if she put on an “Angela Suit” that doesn’t quite fit. It even looks as if she’s lost hair, her long blonde locks no longer so abundant. Even her wayward tooth looks like it protrudes more. Of course, the Angela Font of Hopeful (and Libidinous) Generosity Tap turned firmly off, Tony is once again all earnest protestations of love and devotion along with regret for his past behaviour. Angela knows this, going cold turkey, refusing to answer his pile of messages and texts, his repeated (one right after another) calls, finally capitulating to one on-camera, during which she wearily asks “what do you want from me?” When Tony goes into his pitch of love, Angela simply hangs up. She admits later to her sister she fears contact, knowing she has a weakness: given any opportunity, she could be sucked back in, she believes she at least part of her “loves” him. Unsurprisingly, Angela cannot resist answering the phone again - she admits she knows that since Tony somehow has escaped returning to prison, he needs a place to which he can go after he finishes his time at the half-way house. He’s all conciliation and - predictably - promises of love, commitment, a wedding and marriage. With the balls of the desperate and gutsy, Vince admits his time at the half-way house is over “in a week” and asks Angela if he can “come home to [her]” as if he had not so recently fled her presence and so obviously rejected her. Angela wavers... and confesses that she still loves him, but may not be able to forgive him... and zooms off on the motorcycle she’d bought Tony. But next week’s preview shows Angela has weakened... it’s kisses and hugs and Angela enjoying the “upper hand” that Tony’s defection and then volte-face has provided (and he knows he has to devour a huge plate of sh*t... and crow... the latter in the form of Angela, no doubt) and face the Tribunal of Tommy. Lizzie & Daniel OFFS. Another parolee barely out of prison who’s looking at rings... this one (Daniel) with Mom, and her pocketbook, in tow. 120 US$ budget for a “promise ring”. Mom agrees to the 200 US$ price the jeweler offers for a scaled-down version of a popular ring... that of course Daniel is going to double-cross his Mom’s goodwill gesture (as she believes neither the dually-unemployed Daniel nor Lizzie are ready for marriage, though the two have discussed having children in the not-distant future and Lizzie seemed disappointed that she was not pregnant) and present the ring (which Daniel admits Lizzie is unlikely to like because it’s “probably beneath her standards”) as an engagement ring. This guarantees a flare-up between Lizzie and Teresa, as Lizzie is likely to disdain the tiny ring, even that it was over the budget and footed by another (Teresa). Naturally, this is likely to doubly offend Teresa, firstly for the focus on material worth (when Lizzie must be aware of Daniel’s utter lack of funds; all of the LAL brides have delusions of the super-hyper-most of bridal ostentation and glamour) and also because it’s a rejection of a conciliatory action of hers (even if Lizzie is not directly told that Teresa fronted the funds for the ring, and even conceded to going over the planned budget). Teresa will have additional reason to be angry because Daniel has planned for the ring to be an engagement ring all along, deceiving his mother that he’d conceded to her opinion that going slow... not jumping into engagement and marriage so quickly, would be a much wiser course. Glorietta & Alex... and Julianna I don’t think anyone needed to start their weekend with Glorietta and Alex in bed reviewing who has earned tats on Alex’s pasty, shaven body. Dude. Glorietta proves she can be jealous even of girls in his past, while Alex seems pretty proud of his permanent memorials. While Glorietta is out picking a wedding dress (mermaid, with a long train and veil, natch) Alex meets up with his ex-girlfriend, Julianna (for whom he converted). With Glorietta down the Yellow Brick Road, Alex is on the sneak. He seeks out his friend Kato to run intermediary for him to set-up a meeting with Julianna. In his usual convoluted style, Alex explains he was “with” Julianna when he wa locked up, but they “kind of lost touch”. (Translation: she went to rehab and broke ties.). While he (weakly) explains to Kato he just needs “closure”, Kato reasonably points out that Alex is more likely to get “caught back up” with Julianna, questioning why Alex would even want to go there as he’s engaged to Glorietta. Kato recognizes “this” isn’t about Alex’s “stilo” (style, ya feel me? 🙄) of not wanting to have left Julianna hanging, but Alex’s desire to see Julianna, Glorietta notwithstanding (though Alex nobly plans to tell Glorietta. He may want to approach that little item on his to-do list with a taser. I don’t think Julianna figures in Glorietta’s bedazzled Wedding Book. 😳) For her part, Julianna appears well-dressed, well-spoken and well-put together, who proudly states she is now clean of drugs and bad influences. There is a feeling though, of waiting for “the other shoe to drop”, as if there is “something more” about this relationship, too, that the viewers have yet to be told. Though Alex sits, obviously still very much smitten, clutching and caressing her hand, Julianna is content to catch up without romanticizing the past, even as she revels in her accomplishments (getting clean, staying clean, staying away from bad influences) and enjoys Alex’s praise and that he’s impressed. She’s surprised when he admits he’s engaged, and expresses doubts that he could love this (other) girl considering what she knows about him and his pattern. She also lets him know she “does not date unavailable men.” Without sounding arrogant, she later tells the camera she’s neither a “runner-up [nor a] home wrecker” and it’s up to Alex to figure out his own life. She thinks he has a fear of being alone, and even told Alex earlier that [his relationship with Glorietta] began with his scamming for support, which he uncomfortably admits, though he scrambles to assert that it became more serious (and, presumably, sincere). He then plaintively asks her what should he do? Wisely, she lobs that hand grenade, and its responsibility for his life decisions, right back into his lap. One does wonder why someone that ostensibly “together” would even entertain Alex. Meanwhile, Glorietta has gone to Bling Heaven, making her own LAL Pilgrimage to a bridal shop. While Julianna has the sense to see the Reality of Alex, Glorietta, in her nasally-falsetto proclaims they are “soulmates” and that love conquers all. Lacey & John... and Shane For all of Lacey’s perpetual teenagerish melodrama, John’s release is anticlimactic. Now it’s John’s turn to be compared to Shane (specifically, Lacey’s feelings upon their release; never forget it’s always all about Lacey) and fall short. On her way to pick up John from prison, Lacey states her reason for doing so is because she’s “a woman of [her] word”. (WTF!) She keeps the promise to pick up his sorry a** from prison, but that fidelity thing... that’s just too hard (so to speak). Confronted with John’s objections, Lacey uses every trite evasion, in her nasally whine, such as she always love John, but she’s not in love with John. Yeah, because that bit of semantic gymnastics always makes it okay when you’re shafting someone. The episode ends with Shane, amped up to make a dramatic play “for the woman he loves” apparently crashing the fizzled-out ending of the Saga of Lacey & John. After John protested that Lacey could have been honest earlier, that he didn’t believe Lacey’s version of events and she’d treat Shane the same [as him], John removes his mic pack as Lacey dramatically announces she’s pitching his engagement ring (she pockets it; truly, this girl is stuck solidly in the Teenaged Drama Queen Playbook). John announces he’s changing his place of parole to his parents’ home... and then Shane appears.

I’m a Roman Catholic (and even studied Canon Law! 😁) I agree with what you’ve written, and ideally, it’s true. I am certainly happy for you that your process (from what you wrote) was a simple one. Obviously, you took the process seriously, prayerfully. Historically, things do not always go ideally, and annulments have unfortunately, been subject to “sale” as so many things become when powerful, affluent people become involved. Even sacred things can be treated as commodities. I can cite historical annulments that were nearly line items on treaties; annulments of the “rich and famous”, not all of them in the distant past; and annulments of “just regular people” who made generous “donations/contributions” to the right person in the right “place”. Past flaws in the annulment system were even detailed in the book Shattered Faith by Sheila Rauch, the former wife of Joseph Kennedy II (eldest son of RFK). She objected to Joe getting an annulment after their divorce, and fought to have it overturned (it was; by the Vatican). Not everything in the book is accurate (even if the feelings of the women whose stories are told shouldn’t be discounted), but, like every system involving fallible, flawed humans, it can be misused and abused. i also understand the difference between what adults are free to do as citizens, and what is avoided or even forbidden to practicing Roman Catholics who endeavour to follow all the rules and stay, as much as possible, in a “State of Grace”. Two consenting adults not otherwise married may marry one another. Practicing Catholics believe marriage is a Sacrament that is administered by a priest. And the pair of us are “preaching to the Choir”. 😉

I made a mistake, substituting “Tony” for “Vince”.

Hell hath no fury like... a con conned? 😁 As I posted before, even as WETv/LAL has been long building up there’s some “big reveal” involving poor mouth-breathing, flat-EEG Vince; Amber seems more interested in “the mystery” even possibly more than the viewers. Maybe the actual “big reveal” is that Vince actually knows and understands Amber far more than he’s let on. Not as clueless as he appears, he knows the deal with Amber and has been seeing how far her greed will take her... There isn’t any jackpot, no treasure guarded by a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow... but Amber just... can’t... resist... the possibility, however remote, that there just might be. That might be one of the big moments of this season: that Amber’s dithering “long game” of keeping Vince “on the line” gains her nothing (much) more than what Vince has (already) given her, and it’s Vince (of all the cast) who skips unfettered, unflustered and largely unbothered off into the sunset, perhaps to again cast his net into the prison pool. Now that would be a twist! 😳😁

Good grief, where to begin... Cheryl and Josh: It wouldn’t matter whom the guy, Cheryl would chase him off. She’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. With all her clingy, whining, pouting hysteria, she’s a bottomless pit of need and insecurity. She’s unable to understand that the very behaviour she displays (constantly, unendingly, ad nauseum) is the very same behaviour that will guarantee any man not a masochist will, perhaps after expending considerable good will, take to his heels. It also guarantees that men who have considerable character flaws such as anger and impulse control, may react violently (for the record: not in any way stating that is in any way an “acceptable” response). Cheryl has has several opportunities to outwit, outplay and outmaneuver her “opponent”, Josh’s mother, Tina. At least from what has been shown on TV, Josh has made it known: Cheryl is his choice (atm). Josh’s mother could gnash her teeth, roll her eyes, flail around, mutter every curse and cite innuendo like an old hag casting curses over a bubbling cauldron, accuse Cheryl of having designs on her “man” (why isn’t her problem with her “man”?) but she’d be a toothless tiger if Cheryl had put on her prettiest, most accommodating, sweetest face, all smiles and oozing support for Josh, building friendly bridges with his family, showing interest in meeting and speaking with everyone. If Cheryl had spent the effort wooing everyone, and after a leisurely amount of time she then announced, “oh, dear! Josh, sweetheart, we’ve forgotten all about that stupid tire! It’s bald, and we’ve totally forgotten about getting it fixed and look at the time!” His whole family would have probably been eager to help them get the tire fixed and Josh “back” in time for his ankle monitor check-in. Instead Cheryl was sucking the driver’s seat up her a** after making a show of hauling Josh away from his family reunion after an absence of six years, pouting and hurt because Josh was refusing to play the “fill me up, reassure me” game. She then just couldn’t help herself and unwisely upped the ante by throwing down the gauntlet and ask if Josh thought they should break up, transparently hoping for apologies (his, !!!) and professions of continued love and devotion. To Cheryl’s stony-faced but shocked surprise, Josh in fact admitted he would end their relationship even if he added some weak caveats of lukewarm uncertainty. Everyone has a sour puss in their family, a “Tina”, one who never likes whomever their kid (no matter how long an adult) is currently with (dating or married). The rest of the family is used to a “Tina”, her prune face and bitter tongue, always b*tching, always dissatisfied, always pouring poison about... someone, but especially about anyone who gets too close for her comfort to someone she considers “hers”. Cheryl lost her opportunity of making Tina the apparent “liar” by appearing just as “bad” as Tina was telling everyone. Cheryl lived up to all the “bad press” by appearing aloof and disinterested and dragging Josh off. Cheryl cldnt even wait to get Josh completely away from the family (some got to witness some of her I’m feeling insecure, time to go; my way, right now repertoire), and Josh got another helping of caustic and needy tantrums and being “reminded” every 10 minutes how much she sacrificed for him - which she did of her own free will, and is treating like both a down payment on ownership of Josh and a perpetual pass for her neurotic, controlling, isolating behaviour. No one is weakening that relationship faster than Cheryl herself. in fairness, Josh did lead her on, but for all her fascination with serial killers (romanticizing danger, violence and being a victim, an odd fascination for someone with an alleged prior unhappy relationship/marriage involving domestic abuse) Cheryl seems blissfully ignorant that scamming outsiders is what inmates do. They have nothing but time, and the majority of their friends, and even sometimes their families, fall back and fall away when they’re incarcerated. Women like Cheryl (and men like Vince) volunteer to get involved. And while inmates are doing time, those on the outside make them their sole focus, and vice versa. Once freed, the same inmates willing to devote every waking moment to thoughts of their pen pals suddenly have options, and no longer want to spend hours each day building up the personal fantasies of others. Few men fantasize about dream weddings, few men are terribly concerned with all the dizzying details of a wedding. Many, however madly in love with the bride, have the attitude of “tell me what to wear, where to be and what time, and I’ll be there.” Their eyes glaze over at talk about table decorations and china patterns. The ring is their big project until the wedding itself. Like most inmates, after discussing everything that’s music to Cheryl’s ears ad infinitum (even that Cheryl gave the warning sign of needing even more and Josh seek a break from her incessant neediness even while in prison; citing the lie he told just to get in a hand ball game, and the consequences - not of the lie, which provided a temporary reprieve, but of the missed call, which caused her to “cry like a baby died”: warning, warning, warning!) in all the detail her needy, hyper-attentive soul desired, Josh has fallen back on the realities of his lack of a job and money, and with the weight of restitution for the money he stole from the bank, Josh has a long way to go before being able to buy really anything. However, after having soothed Cheryl for years with promises (and she obviously not being too conversant with financial realties and “needs versus wants/desires” herself, having put an incarcerated felon pen pal over her kids) Cheryl is sincerely hurt when he reasonably declines going into $5k debt for an engagement ring he cannot afford (still jobless and with aforementioned long list of serious financial obligations), but then segues into techie fanboy drooling over a set of speakers. The speed at which he goes through the motions of looking over the rings, agreeing with her choice, admiring it for a nanosecond or two, knowing the importance of the symbolism for her, concluding they cannot afford it - which is a mature decision, understandable and yet still (another) disappointment for Cheryl. For her, it’s yet another a delay in a series of delays since his release, after years of “when I get out...” which had become the bread and butter of her very Soul - he gives her shoulder a bit of a sympathetic squeeze and then like a squirrel on meth turns and squeals “oooo, shiny! Speakers!” It’s a knock to Cheryl’s fragile ego, rampant insecurity and uncertainty that she fears she knows that, given any choice, and a way to do it, Josh wld happily stride out of that store with those speakers under his arm, and the latest of Cheryl’s “dream rings” left behind him, still in its case, further delaying the purchase of the all-important, highly symbolic, chosen-together, “serious” engagement ring. Cheryl is undoubtedly a handful, but Josh does show stunning insensitivity to someone who has, whatever her own failings, prioritized him and both his needs and his desires. He cannot be so oblivious that he is completely unaware that such actions feed Cheryl’s rampant insecurity; yes, she’s neurotic and demanding. However, he knows she’s hanging on to every morsel of reassurance and “interpreting” and parsing his every word and action since his attention is no longer focused with laser-intensity on her and the future to which he once agreed. It may even be his tactic of getting her to “pull the trigger”. By picking at her fears (While pretending it’s inadvertent and unintentional), he could get her to end the relationship, allowing him to have “clean hands” and protest it’s what she wanted when he couldn’t produce all she wanted on an unreasonable timeline. Of the male line-up of LAL characters (double entendre entirely intended), Josh seems to get somewhat of a pass with the viewers because he appears the most attractive, put-together, feasible. He speaks clearly, can be understood, no visible tats (none, mercifully, on his face, neck or hands), not imbued by the correctional system, clean-cut and seemingly reasonable... helping to make Cheryl, in all her batsh*t compulsive, needy, clingy hysteria, all the more unsympathetic to viewers. Glorietta and Alex: What was that scene with Glorietta’s mother? Is there not enough air time on an already crazy show that even the side, “bit players” feel they need to amp up their crazy (and bigoted) to the nth degree and completely show their a**, guaranteeing their air time, often looking more “off” than the paroled felons? Alex played that slick; all seeming openness, trying to simply have a reasonable conversation. This is not a rare situation. Even within religions, there are sects and degrees of observance that can cause outsized reactions, even derail an engagement. Glorietta is her own special brand of crazy (a 12 year old fantasizing about her dream wedding with her scrapbook and giggly threats/jus’ jokin’/narrowed eyes/not really in the body of an adult woman grimly determined to see it all through even in the most inauspicious of circumstances) but her mother shows Glorietta came by crazy honestly. From the get-go (with the weak excuse of the dogs she hauled along - for protection?) Tammy refused even the most basic of social niceties (the refusal of a handshake upon greeting; “I have dog on me.” Would have “I’m a b*tch with distemper” been too pointed?) It’s really not that unusual that a parent have concerns, even an adult child, marrying “outside the Faith”. Some are sincere, some are hypocritical. Tammy went into full hysteria mode, as if confronted by a vampire immune to sunlight, unable to exchange even the most banal of introductions. It’s hard to buy that she’s such a devout Catholic, as Glorietta is either a) divorced, or b) had a child out of wedlock, neither of which is cool with Roman Catholicism. If Glorietta is divorced, she would require an annulment to be able to remarry within the Roman Catholic Church (whether or not her first husband was a Catholic himself and also whether or not they were “married in the Church”). If it was known she was planning not only to remarry, but remarry a non-Catholic, a Muslim, and raise any future children of that union as non-Catholics, an annulment would certainly not be granted, nor any priest perform the wedding. Glorietta wld have the stark choices, if she married Alex, of converting to Islam (becoming a “second generation” of converting not out of religious conviction but for someone else which no sincere Muslim cleric would consider) or becoming a non-communicant member of her own Church (Roman Catholicism, according to Glorietta herself). For anyone who takes their faith in any way seriously, who practices it and believes in its tenets, that status, those prohibitions, are both humiliating and unbearable. Annulments are expensive and very time-consuming to get, requiring a canonical investigation. Glorietta is absolutely free to marry civilly, in a mosque, in a parking lot by Elvis if she so chooses, but both Glorietta and Tammy have, each in their own ways, made religion an issue, when really, their own pasts negate it. Tammy sounds more like an evangelical, ”charismatic” Christian than a Roman Catholic (though Catholicism does have its charismatic sects; churches and congregations that have adopted practices more common to Fundamentalists and Pentecostal faiths than traditional, orthodox Catholicism). Roman Catholics are also, as a rule, specific. They will ask if someone is Catholic, while Tammy uses the more Protestant umbrella term of “Christian”. She mentions the “Christian Family”, which is weirdly formal, like saying “the Anglican Communion” or “Holy Mother Church”. Again, Alex played it smart. Like Cheryl should have been with Josh’s family, Alex was all “hail fellow, well met” affability with Glorietta’s family and friends. Even if Alex thinks Tammy is a drooling lunatic, he greeted her at the “engagement party” all willingness to communicate. While Tammy “told the camera” that whatever Glorietta’s choices, she would support her and be in her life, it certainly didn’t play as a conciliatory mother declaring her love and support of her (adult) child, come what may, but more of a steely declaration that she would involve herself in Glorietta’s marriage to keep a close eye on both. Tammy then made herself the focus of all attention by acting as if she was going to get “Muslim cooties”, shrieking as if confronted by a Djinn and she wasn’t going to let him “try to convert“ her. Is her faith so weak that even politely listening to someone else could cast some kind of compelling, overwhelming “spell”? It’s not religion that has caused her daughter to be (allegedly) willing to raise her children Muslim, but her determination to marry a man she barely knows who himself barely practices a faith (drinking alcohol, sex outside of marriage, eating non-halal food, not facing Mecca and praying 5x a day...) he himself converted not out of religious conviction but “for” another. Kacey and John... and Shane: Poor Shane. You kinda get the feeling he may have taken a blow or two to the head growing up, maybe fell off the swing set or got clocked by a Power Ranger toy or one of the Old School heavy Tonka trucks. He’s been living the dream, with a living sex doll, all extreme features, flexibility and cloying, babykins voice. He can’t even process her father’s warning, that Kacey has been on this merry-go-round before, and what makes him (Shane) think Kacey will be faithful to him (Shane)? It doesn’t even compute for poor Shane that Kacey’s own father is basically saying his “daughter is a wh*re, incapable of fidelity, she will treat you as she has treated others, leaving you behind when her attention is attracted by someone else.” All poor Shane could do was babble out, his manners deserting him after such a paternal revelation about the woman of his adolescent dreams, and let the poor man know what he (the Dad) already knew: that he and Kacey had already knocked boots. I almost expected the Dad to go full-throttle and wearily reply, “Son, who hasn’t ‘spent the night’ with Kacey? She’s seen more a** than a rental car!” Shane buys a nice ring (for the princely sum of 500 US$), and bless his provincial a**, thinks he’s chosen a nice place to ask his dream girl to be his wife. While hardly the stuff of Harlequin novels, Shane is all sincerity. He really does believe he’s the Good Guy (comparatively, of felons) who’s going to sweep Kacey off her feet, be the man of her dreams, step into her life and home, be her Knight in Shining Track Suit, be a father to her kids, prove himself to her father... and seemingly displace the Bad Guy about whom Kacey kept him in the dark and undoubtedly did not complimentary depict (hence his confusion about her “confusion”). And then, after Kacey melts and goes gooey, she needs to make a phone call... and has a completely unbelievable attack of conscience, complete with choking, snot-clogged sobs, manicured and bedazzled talons held dramatically - but gently, no mussing of the warpaint/make-up! - to her tear-stained face. Suddenly, Kacey, who had so recently concluded that she “needed it, wanted it, was ready” and rode Shane like the Lone Ranger rode Silver with a “hi ho!” (Actually, that particular line might have been Shane’s...) over her long-term high school sweetheart/fiancé, gets the guilts. Just as her Dad predicted: from John-John-John, Kacey went to Shane-Shane-Shane, as easily as switching partners in a square dance, without missing a step... and things came to an unsurprising conclusion: Shane was all in. He proposed, and suddenly, Kacey, what she has of a conscience faintly stirring... is comparing proposals... and upset with... Shane? Never mind that Shane hasn’t known Kacey long enough to rhapsodize on about her, her kids, their past and their future, to woo and dazzle her with evocations of their past and promises tailored to her dreams of the future. Poor Shane is making the mistakes of the young, inexperienced and naïve: he’s all sincerity. With their shared history, John had enough to make his case to a sympathetic, at the very least, “audience” (Kacey, an eager volunteer, lover of “bad boys”). Kacey has gotten tangled in her own net, and oozing guilt from every pore - and the D Day of John’s parole time to her home rapidly dawning - frantically tries to shift responsibility: she told Shane she was “confused” (so much for the declaration she made above), she “can’t accept” his ring, but doesn’t want him to “be mad” (keep hedging those bets!), Besides, to crown it all, Shane’s inexperienced 21 year old a** couldn’t put in as slick and polished as performance (proposal) as a more... practiced... player (John)! C’mon, Shane, what kind of proposal was that for a fantasy cam girl? At a chain restaurant? No violins, no Hallmark sentiments, no soft-focus film montage overlaid with romantic, “meaningful” music? (Even from someone Kacey herself so recently described to her father as “having treated [her] like sh*t”.) Kacey has high expectations, she’s high maintenance. She “has a thing for bad boys”, but has higher aspirations, and her father’s concern for her small children has allowed her to pursue her fantasy life generally unfettered. Kacey does not play unjustly aggrieved and innocent victim well... it’s not even a matter of chewing scenery... it’s a creature feature of a woman bursting with fillers, fake boobs making a dash for freedom from beneath a flimsy, mustard-yellow sundress whose pattern clashes with her large tats (and those making-a-break-for-it tatas), not forgetting her generous gluteus maxi-maximus peeking from the short hem as Kacey throws herself into her Big Scene... on that chain restaurant parking lot (one works with what one has; besides, clock’s-a-tickin’ with Dad at home watching the kids - as usual - and John due to parole to her house on the morning...) And... she strikes him. Uh uh, no Ma’am, Miss Kacey Kama Sutra of Camera Sexual Calisthenics, that’s assault. It is in no way a reasonable response to someone buying into your bullsh*t. Lizzy and Daniel: Playing with the results of a pregnancy test when you know neither of you are employed, your relationship is not on firm terrain, there’s still lots of secrets? Cute. Grow up and be thankful an innocent life was not begun because you two emotional juveniles cannot even be a**ed to play at adulthood and responsibility even long enough to do the minimums and buy (and use) a box of condoms. I still can’t buy that pool hall scene. Most ppl who don’t want to be contacted by former friends/associates change their number. At the very least, they block unwanted contacts. Addicts are encouraged to cut off all their friends and associates from their “past lives”, their “using days” of active addiction. Their parole, and absolutely their sobriety, usually depend on a “that was then, this is now” demarcation and separation, the more absolute, the better. Yet, one of Lizzy’s old drug-drug running buddies still has her number, or has the number of a user still in contact, and thus can contact Lizzy on the spot. While their drugs of choice do encourage paranoia, they’re savvy enough to see the cast’s and their friends’ mics - visible with their battery packs at the small of their backs - but confuse them for undercover “wires”, for which great pains are taken to remain hidden? They also seem blind to the camera crew filming the cast and their friends playing pool, and with cameras and gear far larger and “involved” than cell phones. Drug dealers and users usually have “communities” of their own: they know who sells what, who works for whom, whom the buyers are, who “owes”, who’s losing ground (in addiction), who’s desperate enough to do anything (mule, pay off their debts in exchange for a variety of “services”, who’s been arrested and why, who’s likely to flip, make a deal, sell someone out... they know Lizzy’s story... and for all his puffing up and posturing, they know whom Daniel is, too. Both have undergone threat assessment. That’s the “price of doing business”. Vince and Amber: Amber, seriously, why are you even entertaining a continued relationship to a man in whom you cannot even fake an interest, on any level? You already know the deal, confirmed when you got out: it was a “mutual use”. Vince entertained you and softened your prison stay through emotional and financial support. Face to face, in Real Life, there’s nary an ounce of chemistry, much less a scintilla of giddy infatuation. Nada. Zippo. It’s an echoing chasm of the dearth of feeling. On Vince’s part, by his own account, he cast his net wide (10 inmate pen pals), and yet somehow, Amber, who shows so very little interest even in Vince as a human being with whom she cannot endure a conversation of any real duration or depth, not even about generalities; much less about more personal subjects, even about likes and dislikes appear to cause offense, was... the “winner”? Maybe it’s just me, but while I “get” that some men like strip joints, I’d think it’d be an odd venue for a straight woman to want to basically celebrate her “coming home” party with friends. Unless they’re hoping for that Magic Fantasy of a Threesome with two women, I can’t think most men wld enjoy watching their girlfriend - especially one who shies from his most casual touch - being happily draped and fawned over by nearly-naked women. It is one thing to write and chat on the phone, to have commissary bank, to spin tales... it’s quite another to be able to get intimate with an effective stranger, to sleep with him/her, marry him/her, spend the rest of your life... the games fall away, it’s Reality Time. Amber doesn’t trust Tony, though as he cleverly called her out that she willingly accepted his proposal. She talked a medium-good show with her friend Kathy that she’s uncertain, unsure, of her feelings for Tony and his level of honesty with her, still, she seems to be holding back... still apparently intrigued by Tony and what mystery he may be withholding, especially if it’s something to her benefit. Kathy - who is Puppy’s mother (did Vince’s adoption fall through, or is that dimwit now somehow the “father” of both Amber and Puppy, one of whom he plans to marry?) - appears to know the score (vis-à-vis the true nature, and more importantly, what plans those two might have for a shared future together) of the Amber-Puppy relationship, but wisely drops back to let Amber come to her own conclusions and make her own decisions. Kathy seems pretty wise to the ways of prison life and the world, and knows Amber is anything but Little Bo Peep herself. Viewers seem safe in their intuitions that Amber has far more of a relationship with “Puppy” than her “fiancé”, Tony. She continues to display both surprise, dismay and even impatience that a man whose marriage proposal she accepted - and which she has yet to retract, deny or definitively end - does such mundane things as follow her into a bedroom or continue to engage in the most basic of signs of affection. C’mon, Amber, take your gains/profits and ‘fess up to Tony. Relax at Kathy’s, get a job, and the two of you await “Puppy’s” own homecoming. Time to get off the Tony gravy train. Whatever his shortcomings and whatever he’s “hiding”, it’s still not right for you to suck up everything he’s willing to buy you when you have no interest in the one thing he wants you to accept: him. Vince, time to accept the Sun comes up in the East, Dude. Amber may have accepted your jail proposal, but quit with all that you “clicked on a deeper level”. You cast your net, and Amber reeled you in. (Out of 10 inmates? Really?) You each “saw” what you wanted to see, and fulfilled one another’s needs with steel, glass and barbed wire “safely” between you; again a “mutual use”: you “played” one another. It’s past time to cut the net and move on. Show some dignity. That girl’s not only not in love with you, she doesn’t even like you. Bluntly put: there is no future with you and Amber, Tony; there isn’t any “Tony and Amber”, period. Vince convinced himself Amber was “deep” and on his wavelength (whatever that really means to/for Vince, and there’s no telling). Amber, who’s given every sign of being at the very least primary sexually-attracted to women, convinced herself she cld absorb all the goodies Vince has to offer and yet either be able to stay on the gravy train and somehow either fake her way through or maybe even adjust/adapt to Vince’s romantic expectations... or somehow slip the (Vince’s) “net” entirely. One thing all the “outsiders” on LAL seem unable to accept. Every one of them apparently was ready to drive their parolee to the nearest “altar” (Justice of the Peace, Drive-Thru venue...) to get married. (The exception being Kacey, who acquired a new Felon Love before Felon Fiancé made parole, but immediate marriage was her original plan.) Whatever their pre-parole promises, once released, marriage falls further and further down the list of their compelling priorities, even if a few at least solidified the seriousness of their intentions with a ring (while, in opposition, one - Tony - took off like Sea Biscuit from the starting gate; only returning to the “certainty” of his love for his determined, erstwhile abandoned, bride Angela when re-incarcerated and facing major time.) LAL is a dance of the “outsiders”, “bills” in handle, trying to make all those penitentiary promises into glorious, exciting reality. Meanwhile, the parolees have new timelines and new agendas, their priorities completely changed. Two steps forward, three steps back, ‘round and ‘round they go, sometimes cloying, sometimes demanding, sometimes seductive, sometimes scary. It’s had to occur to the parolees, on whatever subconscious or visceral level, that by leaping into marriage with their pen pal fiancées (fiancé, for Vince), they’d only be unnecessarily exchanging one lock-up/lockdown for another. Though I don’t credit Oyster Brain Tony with much frontal lobe activity at all, it would seem apparent by his actions that he prefers prison over the tenacious Angela. To him, she’s much easier to “love” with all that steel and concrete between them. One can only hope she has the self-respect to truly say “enough”.

The seriously devout never take the tenets of their faith as “suggestions”, but most have the acceptance that humans are fallible creatures by design. It’s notable though that some of the most ostensibly devout nations/people/societies, even theocracies, are often privately the most “casual” about their adherence (such as Saudi - someone please teach Glorietta that word - princes who are very much a part of the theocracy run by their family, yet are habitual users of alcohol, etc.). One big difference is that while Islam split centuries ago over whom was their Prophet’s rightful heir, there hasn’t really been any more recent adaptions that have been widely accepted for an ancient faith in a modern world, such as the Second Vatican, or the continuing discussions and debates regarding interpretations, nor any bipartisan theological summits between the main two Islamic sects (much less ones that have born any mutually-accepted fruit). I’m massively simplifying here; I wish to offend no one. However this is a forum for the discussing, satirizating, parsing, etc, a silly “reality” show by which we all enjoy being “entertained”, not the complexities of religion. As much as I believe people’s sincere Faith is a private matter and shouldn't, under usual conditions of polite society, be subject to being parsed or questioned by others, especially strangers, Alex has made his alleged piety and issue in the Alex-Glorietta relationship. It is indeed just that: I doubt the sincerity of Alex’s faith, such as it is. I think he’s more the genre of people who “get religion” while incarcerated. Part of that is “résumé-building” for parole considerations (that those up for parole have shown acceptance of their involvement in, and contrition for, their crimes; been involved in such self-improvement programs as AA, NA, etc; done some kind of charitable inner-system work, like help other inmates learn to read or study for their GED, etc etc etc). EXACTLY. It’s pretty late in the relationship game to have a woman believe you want to marry her, knowing she is a Roman Catholic and you are a Muslim. It’s not uncommon for most people, and especially those who define themselves as “serious about [their] faith”, to want to marry someone of that same faith. This means Alex was “fishing in the wrong pond” from the get-go. It’s one thing to have a pen pal. (Even if most of us know “prison pen pals” usually are more interested in some form of “romantic” relationship, and/or one that provides financial support as well as emotional.). If Alex was so seriously devout, he would have kept the correspondence from becoming romantic (romance under such conditions being inappropriate) and if Glorietta (who doesn’t appear to be pointiest crayon in the box) continued on a romantic theme, Alex would have firmly informed her that, as a practicing Muslim, he could not, would not, continue corresponding with her, as they could have no shared future because she was of a different faith. Most people who practice a faith seriously (Glorietta is presumably a life-long Catholic) would not promise such a serious thing as conversion for an effective stranger... but then... most people don’t plan marriages and lifetime commitments to incarcerated strangers either, and that’s the whole premise of LAL. As you aptly point out, SEMPERVIVUM, for all Alex’s alleged religious concerns, LAL has yet to show any examples of, or even references to, actual religious practice; no rolling out that prayer rug facing Mecca five times a day, no interest if the food he consumes is Halal, not even a visit to a mosque, much less seeking out an imam for advice. Their differing religions are actually the least of the issues facing the Alex-Glorietta pairing. There’s no foundation, barely a “story”. There’s a difference between being “book smart” and “street smart”, between being “intelligent” and being “cunning”. For all of Glorietta’s social blunders and superficialities, this is not that girl’s first rodeo. LAL is making a big deal out of Glorietta’s mother (hardly uncommon) desire for her daughter to marry someone of their own faith; Alex, though forewarned, proclaimed his faith as stolidly as if he was in the midst of circling the Kabba on Hajj, and Glorietta has passed Usain Bolt on the dash to the altar, her ire directed at her mother for anything that creates the smallest of decelerating speed bumps. Far more interesting (at least to me) than the manufactured religious drama is this, of the least compelling of LAL couples: what, actually, does each one of them truly want? Glorietta wants to be Cover Girl Fantasy Bride and a wedding to rival one of Malcolm Forbes’s weeklong parties (if she knew whom Forbes was)... okay... she says she wants children... with Alex (as apparently, she already has three?). Left completely unclear is what Glorietta expects as a wife, specifically, Alex’s wife (with his severely job-limiting, crude and cartoonish facial and other highly-visible tats), what she expects of life with Alex. Even less clear is what Alex wants, period. No clear plan there at all. But then, these are problems common to most of the LAL couples; the women eager and determined to be brides (and on a rock-star scale) and the parolees all facing the results of however-long they’ve been building and encouraging fantasies in one another. None appear have any interest in the marriages they apparently promised (the immediate rising off into the golden sunset to “live happily ever after” now suddenly, albeit subtly - but not too subtle to escape notice of sensitive antennae, especially those already trying on bridal veils - pushed off to “someday” and the nebulous future, jail house proposals aside, and none have even been able to organize a steady job. In fairness, the parolees have barely found their feet, been “outside” even a week, when their “fiancées” (fiancé, in the case of Vince) are pouring on the super-max pressure to make good on all those fantasy promises.

With you both/all. (Including JENE4 and anyone else grossed out by Alex’s puerile ”over-sharing”). Mr Pious is all about his Faith, yet: * Is a convicted felon. * Has a face-full of cartoonish tats, most of them with crude imagery, which also ensure he’ll never be able to land a “straight” job , gainful/legal employment with potential to provide even a middle-class lifestyle. (However extreme Glorietta’s budget for her “Dream Wedding”, it’s probably less than it would cost to laser all that sh*t off Alex’s face and neck.) * Has been engaging in sex outside of marriage, and describes his sexual encounter in graphic, albeit mercifully brief, terms before donning a façade of pseudo-polite reticence. (I’d think most ppl wld dump a sexual partner post haste after hearing how the details of their intimate physicality were described on national TV; international if you count the Internet. Maybe Glorietta, for all her own professed religious attachment, is into that kind of thing and finds it complimentary.) * The Tequila. Alcohol is forbidden to Muslims who actually practice their Faith (and not cherry-pick). Period. The exception is alcohol that does not come from fruit (I think), so it’s apparently all good if one decides to kick it Viking Old Style and get your “altered” on via mead (which is made from honey). The actual rule might have meant “intoxicants” in general, but mead was not known in Old Islamic areas, and people do love their loopholes... All those are “rules” that are flaunted by many, but usually not by the religious, and certainly not in the very same interviews in which they speak of their religiosity and religious devotion, the contradictions, dichotomies and even hypocrisies all immortalized on videotape. Can’t have it both ways, Alex... either you’re a man who takes his Faith so seriously that he cannot consider a wife and children who do not share it, or you’re really an “anything goes if I like it” kinda guy. Nothing necessarily wrong with the latter, the breaking of religious law not being the same here in the US as the breaking of civil law. The US has the separation of Church and State. (You may want to avoid theocracies and the nations whose correct names your pseudo-fiancée seems blissfully unaware; things are dicier there.) You, Alex, seem fuzzy both on religious and civil law. The sincerity of your conversion looks (very) questionable as apparently you converted for a prior girlfriend (not out of religious conviction, which probably nullifies your conversion in the eyes of adherents), while committing all these “forbidden acts”, and now making Glorietta believe you will marry her, while still in contact with your prior girlfriend (presumably the Muslim for whom you converted). It’s highly likely you weren’t on the religious “straight and narrow” then either, no matter what religion you then professed pre-prison, as you were simultaneously off the legal “straight and narrow” as well. Glorietta, as I’ve noted before, is a radically immature goofball stuck mentally/emotionally in adolescence, with her Bridal Book and the ease with which she is “bought” with a pawn store ring. Alex may be in over his head with dear Glorietta. She doesn’t seem that grounded on psychological terra firma. Adolescents are not known for their steady impulse control and full grasp of repercussions, either. She might bounce that cell phone off his medulla oblongata if she catches him on the phone cooing to and making plans with his ex. I don’t doubt she could send Alex to meet God, in person, if he disappoints her. She’s fully vested in her fantasy, “winner” take all.