I just read through this entire thread, and while I do admit, I saw some good points about Xander's character, I still have to come down on the anti-Xander side. I just cannot abide his hypocrisy and possessiveness.
I completely understand his hatred of vampires; the first episode, a friend he and Willow both grew up with was turned, and was killed. That's completely understandable. And while I was never a fan of Angel either, Angel never once gave Xander a reason to hate him, until he lost his soul. Angel saved them all multiple times, but the second his soul is gone, there's Xander with his instant "I told you so." So if Angel had never lost his soul, wouldn't it seem logical that by continuing to make jabs about him to Buffy, that he would only end up driving a wedge between them? That doesn't seem like the kind of friend I would want around, making me become stuck between my boyfriend and a close friend. That's an awful thing to do to someone you care about. But that part of this tirade has been talked to death, so I'll stop there in regards to Angel.
As for his possessiveness, I have to say that the guy knows no bounds. He mopes (perhaps "mopes" is the wrong term, but I couldn't think of a more appropriate description) around, making cracks at Angel and Spike, because they got Buffy in a way he never could. Jealousy is fine. It's understandable. But again, it seems like he was determined to drive that wedge between him and Buffy, just because she turned him down. And as for the "clothes fluke" in Homecoming, I'm not convinced that that was him realizing his feelings for Willow. In When She Was Bad, when he nearly kissed her, it seems more to me like that was him being bored, and Willow was handy, while Buffy wasn't around. Because the second Buffy came back, he was back to ignoring Willow again. And I think it was the same in Homecoming. I saw it as a way of him trying to test whether Willow was still into him, despite the fact that she was dating Oz. There were numerous times that he made jabs at Oz, too, I'm sure just because he was with Willow, and he felt threatened that Willow might not be around him anymore.
It's funny, though. His possessiveness is awfully picky, as well. He was sure okay with Buffy dating Riley, the only human (and, in my opinion, someone eerily similar to Xander himself), and he never seemed to mind Tara. I think he saw another man in Willow's life as a threat, and he knew enough about Riley to know that the two of them were alike, and thought that would be acceptable. Like it's his choice who they date. Now, I don't like Riley, and I have my reasons, which I won't say here, as this isn't the proper thread. But I find it ridiculous that Xander's reactions to these different people vary so much, because they're not male or human. It borders on racism, and it's unacceptable.
