Hostile16

My mom said she never minded her own age, but she had a horrible time adjusting when my sister turned 40. ACC basketball has, as usual, brought the region to a standstill. Three games have been played so far; they've been decided by a total of five points. March Madness -- catch it!

Oh, Herb Alpert is the coolest! He's quite the Renaissance man -- composer, musician, vocalist, producer, visual artist, theatre producer. Back in the day, he was the one instance of my parents being remotely hip because they had the album Whipped Cream & Other Delights, and when I found it as a pre-teen, I thought the cover was really racy. If you don't know "Rise," check out "A Taste of Honey" -- that's Alpert on the trumpet.

How can you not know Bread and the distinctive voice of David Gates? "If"? "Make It with You"? You're an infant.

No one's confessing her conception song?

Have you had fun with this yet?

When I was a teen, my mother found in my room a container of Tic Tacs of (from? to?) which I had not only pulled off the label, but also mixed two flavors. When I got home from school, she sat me down and, with a serious expression, produced the dispenser and asked if there was anything I needed to tell her about them. I said yes, that they were surprisingly refreshing, and I offered her one. And thus ended our only talk about drugs.

The fact that you chewed gum with your mouth open during the entire show made me glad you lost, Michael Keaton.

Remember you have more than one editor on hand should you want one.

Butt Paste!

Bag balm, by the way, is a lanolin-rich ointment originally used to treat chapped or cracked cow udders, but is now pitched -- by the Dairy Association! -- to treat dry skin, scratches, diaper rash, and so on. ETA: stupid auto-correct

Boyhood is in my Netflix queue, but this week I was sent Annabelle instead. (Note to self: Watching it at 3 a.m.? Not smart.) I'm not surprised it's long, though. Can you imaging trying to edit together twelve years of footage? Only Michael Apted might be able to sympathize. Chyna, I remember in third grade when our student teacher revealed her engagement ring in the first Show and Tell after the Christmas break. It was like a real-life fairy tale for all us girls. She will always be "Miss Hutcherson"; he is forever "Andy."

Just to clarify: The "kidnapper" wasn't a child molester (although he did wield a gun). In fact, I believe it was the aunt who, voice disguised, threatened him with being sold as a sex slave. I'm with AnnieF. it's vaguely feasible that you ask a friend to lure your kid into a car, then give him a big lecture on "what if." But the trauma of taking it the additional steps is beyond outrageous. I wouldn't think the fact that it was this own basement would impact a smart legal defense since he was bound and blindfolded so he didn't realize it was his own basement. But I imagine this will end up with a plea bargain. In happier news, today's Laura Ingalls Wilder Google Doodle is by the Wang brothers. If you haven't seen their board books of classic lit such as Jane Eyre, Oliver Twist, and Les Miserables, then hie thee to Amazon. ETA: Edge of Tomorrow is another excellent sci-fi movie in the 12 Monkey vein. With a kick-ass Emily Blunt.

I heard on the news this morning that a mother-aunt-grandmother in Missouri were concerned that their six-year-old was too friendly with strangers. So they asked a coworker -- male -- of one of them to "kidnap" the boy by luring him into a pickup truck. But things went way too far, and the kid ended up imprisoned in a basement where a gun was brandished and sexual abuse threatened for several hours before he was "released" and lectured. The kid told a teacher, and now the four adults are charged with, among other charges, felony kidnapping.

Me, too! Colleen McCullough's obituary might be the last straw.

In a different type of reveal, am I the only one who didn't know Danny Strong is the co-creator (with Lee Butler) of that new show *Empire*? It's not my cup of tea, but you have to be impressed with his "Superstar"-like post-*Buffy* career.

Another enthusiastic proponent of studying abroad from someone who can't tell her left from her right and who graduated pre-Skype and cell phone. I got back from my dad's to find my slightly soggy Secret Santa gift waiting for me: a pack of geek-themed magnetic poetry and a mug with famous movie quotes (including two from my top ten favorite flicks so well done there). Mug contents currently easing away the last of my bronchitis; first quickie poem below. Thanks, Secretish Santa! I await the day Nachos can be delivered Digital download.

Awww, RIP Papa Gilmore.

See, you need to tell the in-laws that you're not having a "natural" kid so you can continue to drink. That should please everyone. Dad and I still hacking away with bronchitis, the gift that keeps on giving. Phlegm. It turned out for the best that the rest of the family spurned us. For one, I bought my sister's presents today for $60 less than they'd have been two weeks ago, plus free shipping. And a reminder that adopted kids make the best trivia mavens and Secret Santa organizers. My folks had planned on a special-needs child, but they were offered me instead (insert joke here). I think they frequently felt guilty not to have taken the challenge.

I've watched the first two episodes of Black Mirror, and while I appreciate its audacity, I resent that it is being compared to The Twilight Zone because it is nothing like that show. I thought the first episode had an enormous plot hole and severely underwrote the character of the Prime Minister's wife. But I'll forgive it for including Lindsay Duncan. I adore her.

As the only night owl in my family, for two decades the real beginning of the holidays has been David Letterman's Christmas episode, during which I wrap packages alone by the tree while Darlene Love belts "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)" with a full orchestra and falling snow. I almost missed it last night because it's earlier in the month than usual, then I realized it will be the last time for that tradition since Letterman retires in May. I'm still a little verklempt. Bronchitis a guest for the holidays here, too. I can hear Dad coughing in the other room, and I'm a little wheezy. Sixty degrees yesterday; snow flurries this morning. By the way, I've gotten a few Secret Santa notes that have mentioned gifts that won't make it by Christmas. I'm responsible since I was so late getting assignments out so accept my apologies as you await your New Year's or Epiphany gifts. Let's remember the Twelve Days of Christmas BEGIN, not end, on the 25th. Oh, hey, and did I mention I saw a fantastic shooting star in the wee hours of my birthday? I was so awestruck I forgot to make a wish. Can you imagine how much magical mojo a birthday shooting star must carry? I could probably have fulfilled the pageant answers of a stage full of beauty contestants.

AnnieF, have you gotten your Secret Santa assignment yet? KPC, email the elf who made your assignment, and she will ask on your behalf. Although she will also need to ask random people to keep your secret. Romantic idiot, have you decided on the groomsmen gifts yet? I got a catalog today from RussellsForMen.com that offered a ton of ideas from pens to multi-use tools to small leather goods. It might be worth perusing if you still need inspiration.

Money clips? Passport holders? SIM cards for their cameras? Okay, my peeps. At long last the Secret Santa assignments are going out. I can't apologize enough for the delay. Depending on how the time-delay works for Trudi-tru's spare time (and how she sorts through the various half-finished emails my Kindle insisted on sending her ... there's an incorrect apostrophe, too), she'll be informing her group. Anyone who hasn't gotten an assignment within 24 hours should send up a flare in my direction. Have fun; be creative.

Apologies to those who sent info via Private Message. I never even checked until some gave me a Gibbs-whack. So either way is fine. Buffyjunkie is still the holdout, but we'll work around her in another 24 hours. Trudi-tru mentioned it twice so she's this year's elf. Thanks!

Sorry to drag this out like a live production of *Peter Pan*, but I'm still waiting for a name/email/snail mail for Buffyjunkie, and if any info has changed for Barphe, Chyna, Darkpool, Erratic, Harvester, or trudi-tru, I need that, too. And again, here are the participants: AnnieF Barphe boliver Buffyjunkie Chyna cko Darkpool dusky Erratic Harvester Hostile16 journeywoman KPC romantic idiot trudi-tru

My elf takes half the names and addresses, matches them, then contacts them by email and answers any questions a giver might have about the giftee. Since we have several new people and some people have moved, can everyone just pop me their current address? I'm the last AOL subscriber at my name, LAMizell.