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Josh & Anna Smuggar: A Series of Unfortunate Events


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So if one is dieting, and they eat a cookie, they may say eff it, "I already ate one and ruined my diet I might as well eat the whole bag."

 

So does Josh think "I'm already looking at porn which is cheating, so I might as well get boinked too."?

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3girlsforus, on 22 Aug 2015 - 11:06 AM, said:3girlsforus, on 22 Aug 2015 - 11:06 AM, said:

I haven't been able to keep up with all angles of the stories so I'm not understanding this. Why do people think this FB page belonged to Josh?

 

You can search FB by e-mail address.  If users haven't tweaked their privacy settings to not allow people to find their profile by e-mail search, it will show up. I'm guessing that is what happened.

Edited by starfire
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I'm not sure why this just struck me, or why it took so long (bottle blonde I guess) but on the subject of Josh's actual beliefs in his religion - signing up on AM means that he expected the other women to break whatever faith she might have had as well (lying, adultery). Which sort of puts the kibosh on any "beliefs" he has at all about the rules his religion says he should abide by in the first place.

I couldn't begin to unpack the circular logic for you, but I've known someone very much like Josh, and his idea was that by existing and responding to his advances, women were defrauding him. If they were Good Women whose souls mattered, they'd've been home raising his children and he would have been forced to behave. Which meant she was the one responsible for his soul.

That's not even my interpretation. I asked him once.

Edited by Julia
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cmr2014, on 22 Aug 2015 - 5:18 PM, said:cmr2014, on 22 Aug 2015 - 5:18 PM, said:

On a related note, I wonder of Josh ever did have an affair. I mention this because he is just such an unattractive partner (to me). He is not especially physically attractive and is doughy and out of shape (many people on this board had been commenting that he looked physically ill). Outside of Gothardism, his attitudes about women are offensive and off-putting. I can't help but wonder if, even if he didn't physically have an affair, that they wouldn't say anything about it because it doesn't jibe with their religious beliefs. As far as I understand, one of the fundamental tenants of their belief system is that all (non-Gothard) women are essentially harlots desperately trying to lure Godly men from the path of righteousness. There is certainly some real amusement value in imagining Josh putting up profiles all over the internet begging to be lured from the true path while women just waved him away "No, no, that's okay. Stay righteous "

 

Who knows, but I don't think Josh was likely looking for an ongoing affair per say, but just for sex. Probably more often and kinkier than Anna provided. I don't think it's that hard for anyone to find sex as long as they have cash.

 

I wonder if he wore a disguise when meeting women.

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if you've got a certain combination of traits and are born in the right position -- and first kid often is the right position, it seems -- you can start exercising those traits to achieve success very quickly, and repeatedly, and the success reinforces those traits and encourages you to rely on them. It's a nature-environment perfect storm, I suspect. ... Meanwhile, other people get the perfect storm going the other way.

I found the following on two different places on the web..makes you wonder if Josh grew up in a different family how differently he might have turned out.

(OT, As one of seven siblings, birth order studies have always interested me)

"Adler went on to suggest that eldest children are most likely to suffer from neuroticism and feelings of excessive responsibility – and that the melancholy they feel from a very early age never really leaves them. Eldest children, Adler said, are more likely than later-borns to grow up to become alcoholics and substance abusers, and even criminals."

But on the other hand:

"Some studies have looked at U.S. presidents, Nobel Laureates or NASA astronauts to see whether they are mostly first-born children or later born children. U.S. presidents and science Nobel Laureates were found to be overwhelmingly first-borns, as were 21 of the first 23 NASA astronauts."

Makes you wonder how much more these traits are exacerbated by having SO many siblings, as Josh did (and a checked out mother.)

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I totally remember that one; the guy was a death row prisoner-I don't think his crime was ever fully explained-and he was talking about how sure he was that he'd be going to Heaven.  This is exactly how these Fundies seem to operate:  if you strictly follow these man made rules, you're guaranteed Heaven.

I just find it astonishing that people live this way:  way too many kids, poverty level wages, and your husband quits his job to focus on "a ministry"???(Anna's Dad).  I guess the entire family "agrees" to sacrifice for the promise of Heaven?

Then your paragon of a patriarch (Josh) gets caught with his pants down.  Shown to be absolutely full of shit.  I don't know, I think I'd have to hire an attorney and go after every cent I could get, take my four kids and get the hell away from all of them.

Why do they continue to follow a man that can't keep his hands, feet or lips to himself? (Gothard)

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I found the following on two different places on the web..makes you wonder if Josh grew up in a different family how differently he might have turned out.

(OT, As one of seven siblings, birth order studies have always interested me)

"Adler went on to suggest that eldest children are most likely to suffer from neuroticism and feelings of excessive responsibility – and that the melancholy they feel from a very early age never really leaves them. Eldest children, Adler said, are more likely than later-borns to grow up to become alcoholics and substance abusers, and even criminals."

But on the other hand:

"Some studies have looked at U.S. presidents, Nobel Laureates or NASA astronauts to see whether they are mostly first-born children or later born children. U.S. presidents and science Nobel Laureates were found to be overwhelmingly first-borns, as were 21 of the first 23 NASA astronauts."

Makes you wonder how much more these traits are exacerbated by having SO many siblings, as Josh did (and a checked out mother.)

God damn fucking first borns. Such attention seeking assholes. *I am the middle child of three, and diagnosed avoidant personality disorder.

*dramatization.

Edited by Kokapetl
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It can be said for everyone that our experiences and parenting is what shape who we are.  People's personalities and temperaments contribute to those experiences, as well.  Josh always knew what he was doing was wrong.  We make choices in life.  Yes.  His parents messed up by covering for him, and not getting him proper treatment--although I feel they believed they were doing right by him.  As an adult, it's Josh's responsibility to make necessary changes in his life and address his issues. 

 

ETA: Marigold, I agree with you. (I was typing while you were posting.)

Thank you! I get so tired of hearing that his parents screwed him up over and over again, as if he has no control over the choices he makes now!!! Many of us have had less than stellar upbringings, but there comes a time when you have to realize you're a grown up, and regardless of what kind of kooky upbringing you've had, make your own choices, as an adult.

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Maybe that's one reason why he is like he is.

and again I think it's all due to his parents.

Parents are an influence, sure, but how long can you blame your behavior on them? No one had an idyllic childhood but most people choose ethical behaviors. He, among any of the children, had more freedom and forgiveness.

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I'm still blown away by his answer on OKC about sexual obligations, clearly he didn't understand that is a huge test question and if you get it wrong you're screwed (hypothetically speaking)

If you get it wrong, you won't be screwing. ;-)

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So if one is dieting, and they eat a cookie, they may say eff it, "I already ate one and ruined my diet I might as well eat the whole bag."

 

So does Josh think "I'm already looking at porn which is cheating, so I might as well get boinked too."?

I do remember as a child it being joked that if you were thinking about killing someone, you might as well do it- because it is all the same in the eyes of God.

(Not the same as "all sins are equal" - it's better to take a cookie from your sister than to kill someone; but sins of the heart = sins of the flesh.)  So maybe. I mean once he was unfaithful, might as well go all the way.

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Churchhoney, it's not the fact that we all have things about us, behaviors seemingly natural to us, that are difficult to overcome, but we still always have a choice. No matter the strong compulsion, we always have a choice. It seems that Josh needs therapy to learn how to make different choices, because he's failing to do it on his own and is hurting those around him. What, IMO, makes it worse is that he casts judgments on people, actively works against people, and acts as though he's above reproach, rather than examining his own actions and life, and making changes and better choices.

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I think Churchhoney hit it on the head - Nature vs Nurture. Parenting can be somewhat of a crap-shoot in that great parents can have some effed up kids and vice versa. And nurture isn't from parents alone.

 

Josh most likely would have some different traits had he been born to different parents, as well as having some unchanged traits.

 

I think the difference with the Duggar 19 and the average kid, IMO, is the 19 have been indoctrinated rather than raised, which hinders their ability to grow & change, as most of us do as we reach adulthood. 

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Churchhoney - No one is perfect, everyone has faults - some bad some not so bad. The Duggars made everyone think they were these perfect people with perfect kids and perfect lives. Well, we all know that's not true. What we do know is JB, MeChelle and Josh are a bunch of lying hypocrites and most people are probably much better, kinder and more tolerant people than they are. So, don't be so hard on yourself.

 

I don't think Josh or any of the other 18 kids know how to makes choices because they were never given that opportunity like most people growing up. Josh could spent years in counseling to deal with the fucked way he was raised. That old saying  "You are what you are raised" certainly applies to Josh.

Edited by NEGirl
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Churchhoney, it's not the fact that we all have things about us, behaviors seemingly natural to us, that are difficult to overcome, but we still always have a choice. No matter the strong compulsion, we always have a choice. It seems that Josh needs therapy to learn how to make different choices, because he's failing to do it on his own and is hurting those around him. What, IMO, makes it worse is that he casts judgments on people, actively works against people, and acts as though he's above reproach, rather than examining his own actions and life, and making changes and better choices.

 

Believe it or not, I actually disagree with the idea that we always have a choice! I'm really saying that in some things I believe it's likely impossible for me to make a choice, and that maybe this is true with some things regarding Josh as well. (And, yep, I know that I may just be making excuses for myself! I hope not, but I realize it's a possibility, perhaps a very strong possibility. I used to believe myself that choice was always possible, but as years have gone by, my optimism about the range of choices I'm capable of making or even conceiving of has unfortunately diminished greatly.)

 

Anyway, I totally agree that Josh is not doing nearly enough -- not doing anything? -- to figure out where he does have a choice and trying to amend himself so he can make better choices in whatever ways he can, though! And that he hideously compounds the problem by being gleefully and self-righteously judgmental all the time toward nearly everybody. And he could stop that or at least apologize when he does it, and not seek employment in which doing that is the main criterion listed in the job qualifications. That certainly is within his control. ....

 

One thing I wonder is whether the Duggars as a group will be any less outspoken at all in their bigotry campaigns now that all of this has gone down. I suppose it's kind of an irrelevant question, though, since I would think that many fewer people will be likely to seek Michelle's endorsement for their pro-discrimination legal campaigns now that she's lost her tv "bully" pulpit. 

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They have greatly lost their bully pulpit with the SCOTUS decision this summer, thank goodness.

I hope you're right. Sometimes those "disagreeable"decisions just get people's heels dug in even more deeply.

I wonder if the Phelps-Westboro clan has settled down or are just reloading.

Difficult for me to give the Duggars credit for anything resembling forward-thinking.

Edited by NewDigs
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I hope you're right. Sometimes those "disagreeable"decisions just get people's heels dug in even more deeply.

I wonder if the Phelps-Westboro clan has settled down or are just reloading.

Difficult for me to give the Duggars credit for anything resembling forward-thinking.

 

Plus now we've got those "religious freedom" bills that are part of the whole "persecution of Christians" thing. That's certainly going to get more attention. And of course Ben the toilet cleaner is already on board with that campaign!

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I totally get where you are going Churchhoney.  He didn't have a choice as to who his parents were and how he was raised.  None of us do.  But he did have a choice on hitting that last 'submit' button when he was giving his credit card info to AM.  

 

IMO - the only thing that Josh is truly sorry about is that he got caught. 

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I think what the SCOTUS decision did was take the revenue stream out of anti-gay advocacy. I'm sure there are still rich cultural conservatives out there who are willing to donate, but it's hard to get grandma to write a check to fund a battle that's already lost, and (more to the point) polls have been showing for years that it's an issue which taints the Republican party's chances with millennials on the national level. I'm convinced enough that politicians who used to come hat in hand to Jim Bob and Josh's friends at the FRC for support really, really want them to go away now that I've wondered if Josh being outed wasn't friendly fire. 

Edited by Julia
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This is probably a pretty obvious observation for most, but it just occurred to me. I always thought all the measures the Duggars had in place were a bit extreme, and that what has come out about them has happened despite those measures. But it just occurred to me that many of those were probably put into place more BECAUSE of Josh. The boys only being allowed to have flip phones, Nike, never being alone... I guess it makes it all make more sense.

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I know that Josh is smarter than most people but how was he planning to hook up with a fake FB picture and profile?  He gets to the secret love nest and surprise it's me - Josh Duggar!  Like what was that about?  OK the AM accounts well he wasn't using a fake photo right but still surprise again anyway right?  II mean he's been on TV.  The woman would have to be like where's Joe Smithson? What are you doing here Josh Duggar? 

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This is probably a pretty obvious observation for most, but it just occurred to me. I always thought all the measures the Duggars had in place were a bit extreme, and that what has come out about them has happened despite those measures. But it just occurred to me that many of those were probably put into place more BECAUSE of Josh. The boys only being allowed to have flip phones, Nike, never being alone... I guess it makes it all make more sense.

I think it is a little of both leighrhoda, the Bates family also have many of the same 'safeguards' in place. Gothard preaches that men who are the strength and backbone of the family, also have no control over their penises.

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Well, I'll go out on a limb with this one, although I don't know whether this applies to Josh.

 

Some of us are just weaker, I think.

 

I've changed a lot of things about myself that probably relate to my upbringing. But I've also concluded that there are a lot of bad things that -- apparently -- I simply cannot change. Not that I won't keep on trying. But I feel as if I'm stuck with some pretty terrible personality and character traits because they're so well baked into the way my brain functions that I express them way before my conscious thought has any time to stop them. I'm sure that plenty of people have changed these very things, but I haven't been able to, and it really hasn't been from lack of wanting to or trying. There are certain patterns I fall into that I eventually recognize as my childhood-derived patterns, but I never ever notice them in time to not do them at all. Being incapable of changing everything I'd like to change is definitely weakness and that's certainly a severe character flaw. But I'm really not convinced that it's one I'll ever be able to conquer and that to a large extent is probably part of my physical makeup and DNA. I do think, even as a fully fledged adult, that, in some ways my fucked-up personality and character were created for me and I wasn't born strong enough to fully alter them. I envy those who can. But I truly feel that I don't have the strength to emulate those people. I realize that many people see that as only an excuse stupid bad behavior and lack of will power. And maybe it is. But it sure doesn't feel that way.

 

I don't know if that's the case with Josh. A lot of my bad stuff is as least as self-harming as it is other-harming -- and virtually none of it is really self-pleasing -- so I am definitely not usually being a jerk, asshole and fool on purpose. A lot of Josh's, by contrast, seems to me to be self-pleasing. So I do think that, to a large degree, he may just be doing what he wants to do because he's quite consciously and happily a selfish idiot. Nevertheless, I think I do recognize a bit of the fellow weakling in him, so I'm still inclined to see him as at least to some degree a product of his upbringing -- combined with a nature that just isn't strong enough to combat that upbringing.

 

That may be the very scariest thing about raising children, to me. I think that every individual does have a nature, just by virtue of how their cells are put together, and how we treat a child will have one effect on one kid but a very different effect on another kid because of those natures. And if we fuck up the upbringing, there may be some kids who just aren't mentally and emotionally capable of extricating themselves from the mess we helped make. As a weak and, I believe, damaged-by-childhood adult myself, that scares the crap out of me, frankly. .... Oddly, it doesn't seem to scare the Duggars a bit, though. .... I guess I'd be happier if, like them, I could blame it on Satan, or our liberal society or something and not on something I might do to a child who was born with a nature that couldn't defend itself.

 

I do think that, until death, everybody, including Josh, has an obligation to keep doing everything we can to remedy our flaws. And I don't really see him having that mindset. So I'm not exactly letting him off the hook. I fear, though, that some of us may just not be capable of fixing ourselves, no matter how hard or long we would try. I feel as if I'm probably one of those, and he might be one, too. So I unfortunately feel a bit of kinship with the little jerk.

This was beautifully written, Churchhoney. I understand what you're saying.

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Churchhoney - No one is perfect, everyone has faults - some bad some not so bad. The Duggars made everyone think they were these perfect people with perfect kids and perfect lives. Well, we all know that's not true. What we do know is JB, MeChelle and Josh are a bunch of lying hypocrites and most people are probably much better, kinder and more tolerant people than they are. So, don't be so hard on yourself.

 

I don't think Josh or any of the other 18 kids know how to makes choices because they were never given that opportunity like most people growing up. Josh could spent years in counseling to deal with the fucked way he was raised. That old saying  "You are what you are raised" certainly applies to Josh.

So agree with this last paragraph..the Duggar kids were raised to blindly follow and adhere to their parents and the cult teachings, they never had the chance to make up their own mind or make a decision of their own!!  That is one of the many things that is so f 'ed up with these cults, they turn kids/adults into robots (Jonestown, anyone??) who never get the chance to use their brain to learn how to make the best choices, never get to develop decision making abilities, their intuition, etc...IMO, God gave us brains to be used....

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I know that Josh is smarter than most people but how was he planning to hook up with a fake FB picture and profile?  He gets to the secret love nest and surprise it's me - Josh Duggar!  Like what was that about?  OK the AM accounts well he wasn't using a fake photo right but still surprise again anyway right?  II mean he's been on TV.  The woman would have to be like where's Joe Smithson? What are you doing here Josh Duggar? 

You consistently crack me the hell up, Defrauder.

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I know that Josh is smarter than most people but how was he planning to hook up with a fake FB picture and profile?  He gets to the secret love nest and surprise it's me - Josh Duggar!  Like what was that about?  OK the AM accounts well he wasn't using a fake photo right but still surprise again anyway right?  II mean he's been on TV.  The woman would have to be like where's Joe Smithson? What are you doing here Josh Duggar? 

 

You mean you don't think getting Josh Duggar instead of a male model would be a wonderful surprise? Whatever is wrong with you? Josh Duggar is a TEE VEE personality! And a political figure of some note, to boot! C'mon, now.

Edited by Churchhoney
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I know that Josh is smarter than most people but how was he planning to hook up with a fake FB picture and profile?  He gets to the secret love nest and surprise it's me - Josh Duggar!  Like what was that about?  OK the AM accounts well he wasn't using a fake photo right but still surprise again anyway right?  II mean he's been on TV.  The woman would have to be like where's Joe Smithson? What are you doing here Josh Duggar? 

 

I doubt most people would recognize Josh or most of the Duggars.  Their program didn't exactly target a mainstream audience.  As much as I've enjoyed reading these forums since the molestation came to light last spring, I had only watched the program once.  I doubt most people looking for casual sex hook ups were watching 19 Kids, or paying much attention to the Duggar's in the news.  Josh was pretty well assured that he wouldn't be recognized from television.  

 

However, he still had the problem of his appearance not even coming close to the picture he posted!!!  You can gain or lose weight to explain the body differences, but there's no cosmetic surgery in the world that would make that kind of difference in your face!

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This is a real question from my religiously naive self. If one is forgiven for all sins as long as one is a believer, what, other than the morals which the average person has, is the motivation to not sin?

It appears to me that a less then moral person could use their belief as a Stay Out of Hell Free card.

Sadly, I think plenty of people do this. I have known, for example, a couple of Catholics who thought anything was A-OK as long as they regularly went to confession.

The way so many religions control through fear of hell, rather than true awareness of doing right so as to honor yourself and others, just won't always work. I think it nurtures potential sociopaths that happen to be among the congregation. It just makes you worry about YOU. And if you are willing to risk hell, and/or figure you are so special via forgiveness that God always has your back - well, just do whatever you want. You can always make a fake apology once you get caught.

Sorry, I am ranting again.

Edited by Tabbygirl521
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http://fiddlrts.blogspot.com/2015/08/josh-duggar-ashley-madison-and-covenant.html#comment-form

 

I really enjoy this blog, and he has an interesting take on Josh.

This guy is spot-on in his analysis of how Gothard's patriarchal and sexually repressive teachings led to this mess.  And he's right about Anna being completely trapped too.  I had no idea covenant marriages were still legal anywhere in the U.S..

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I doubt most people would recognize Josh or most of the Duggars.  Their program didn't exactly target a mainstream audience.  As much as I've enjoyed reading these forums since the molestation came to light last spring, I had only watched the program once.  I doubt most people looking for casual sex hook ups were watching 19 Kids, or paying much attention to the Duggar's in the news.  Josh was pretty well assured that he wouldn't be recognized from television.

 

 

Plus, he's a very ordinary-looking young man, neither handsome enough nor ugly enough to be memorable. Even those of us who've seen his face hundreds of times could walk right past him in a crowd and not recognize him (unless, of course, he was doing something Duggarish to attract our attention). If he introduced himself to a potential sex partner as "Joe" and resisted the temptation to brag about being famous, he could probably indulge himself safely.

 

However, he still had the problem of his appearance not even coming close to the picture he posted!!!  You can gain or lose weight to explain the body differences, but there's no cosmetic surgery in the world that would make that kind of difference in your face!

 

 

If you spend a lot of time answering ads on those sites, you quickly become accustomed to meeting people who look nothing like the photos in their ads. While most don't post photos of an entirely different person (although Josh wouldn't be the first), it's more common than not for someone to use a picture from when he was ten years younger or thirty pounds lighter, or a picture in which his face is hidden in shadows. Then they play the law of averages. Some people they rendezvous with will be disappointed and turn them down. Others will shrug and think "Well, nobody's perfect...my picture doesn't look much like me either...he seems nice enough...let's give it a whirl." Josh may have gotten lucky once or twice.  

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Hey, Anna. Wake up!  How is Smuggar’s cheating your fault? Did you know that he was doing it, and did nothing about it? I don’t think so.  Stop blaming yourself, for your husband’s actions. Smugs is his own person. It’s not your fault that he’s an idiot.  This is worse then when she blamed herself for Smugs’ weight gain. Were you shoving the food in his mouth? Don’t think so. Do yourself, and you children  a favor. Get out, and get some real help.  Stop taking responsibility for what your husband does. You have a choice.  You and your children can live a happy life by yourselves, or stand by a man who has admitted to be a porno addict, forcibly touching his siblings, and unfaithful to you. Your choice.

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You consistently crack me the hell up, Defrauder.

Thanks AJA, you've given me the serious giggles more than a few times yourself.

"You're obligated to have sex with me."

LOL. 

You mean you don't think getting Josh Duggar instead of a male model would be a wonderful surprise? Whatever is wrong with you? Josh Duggar is a TEE VEE personality! And a political figure of some note, to boot! C'mon, now.

Oh it would be a surprise alright.  

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http://fiddlrts.blogspot.com/2015/08/josh-duggar-ashley-madison-and-covenant.html#comment-form

 

I really enjoy this blog, and he has an interesting take on Josh.

Anna and Josh got married in Florida. This blogger should have dug a little deeper to have found that out.

 

Only three states have covenant marriage so Anna might be able to get a divorce if she wants without all the restrictions that the covenant marriages have right!?

 

Google:

Covenant marriage is a legally distinct kind of marriage in three states (Arizona, Arkansas, and Louisiana) of the United States, in which the marrying spouses agree to obtain pre-marital counseling and accept more limited grounds for later seeking divorce.

 

Paging any lawyers in the house....

Edited by Fuzzysox
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Anna and Josh got married in Florida. This blogger should have dug a little deeper to have found that out.

 

Only three states have covenant marriage so Anna might be able to get a divorce if she wants without all the restrictions that the covenant marriages have right!?

 

Google:

Covenant marriage is a legally distinct kind of marriage in three states (Arizona, Arkansas, and Louisiana) of the United States, in which the marrying spouses agree to obtain pre-marital counseling and accept more limited grounds for later seeking divorce.

 

Paging any lawyers in the house....

If she married in Florida then she does not have a covenant marriage.  Her divorce would be subject to the laws of Arkansas, where she is currently domiciled, but the covenant marriage statute would not apply because there is no way that is the default.  

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I posted something earlier about Josh's response to the OKCupid question: Do you believe that anyone is ever obligated to have sex with you? Josh, of course, responsed: Yes.

 

I'm wondering if I read that response wrong, though. In his generally uninteresting list of things he's looking for, he mentioned a "take charge woman." I wonder if Josh simply wants the experience of having sex with someone who WANTS to have sex with him, rather than someone who is obligated to have sex with him because of her medeival religious upbringing.

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Is Josh happier being Josh Duggar or Joe Smithson?  If Josh would rather be Joe than he's just going to repeat the behavior at some point.  I wonder if deep down Josh would rather be divorced but his life's brainwashing can't deal with that so his only alternative is 'a double life'.  He may try to pray 'Joe' away but 'Joe' may want out. Josh may also not know how to live a life outside of the cult and is entrenched in it too deeply to get  out.

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I posted something earlier about Josh's response to the OKCupid question: Do you believe that anyone is ever obligated to have sex with you? Josh, of course, responsed: Yes.

 

I'm wondering if I read that response wrong, though. In his generally uninteresting list of things he's looking for, he mentioned a "take charge woman." I wonder if Josh simply wants the experience of having sex with someone who WANTS to have sex with him, rather than someone who is obligated to have sex with him because of her medeival religious upbringing.

First off I should say that I do think that married people should have sex with their spouse on a regular basis.  I not saying it is an obligation or a duty, but rather that once you have married someone, you have in essence taken away their "right" to have sex with other people, so it is pretty shitty to then deny them sex.  Having said all that, maybe it is because I am not a man, but would having sex with a woman who is only doing it out of duty really going to be all that great?  It sounds sort of like having crap sex all the time to me.  This would not be Anna's fault, but rather just the nature of the arrangement.  You get an exhausted mother of four small children and tell her you want sex and she "complies" with the request.  I bet that was mind-blowing sex!  And really, say Anna submits to her husband whenever he wants sex, even if she really, really does not want to.  Eventually the bitterness will start to seep out of her.  It turns out that people don't very much like having sex they didn't want to have.  Once this goes on for too long, then that was going to be the only kind of sex Josh would be getting out of Anna, because she would reach a point where she would completely turn herself off wanting to have sex with him.  

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