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S09.E14: The Forever Decision


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21 hours ago, Porkchop said:

Given Iris's quite calm reaction, I think he may have been honest with her before they went before the cameras.

Keith strikes me as a decent, stand-up kind of guy, so I believe he gave Iris a heads-up.  She was quiet then, but now that reality has set in, I bet she is royally pissed.  I have  feeling she has been venting her anger through social media. Two weeks ago, I caught wind that they were headed for "divorce" when I read an interview (didn't know that was allowed), where she knocked "his poor communication skills." That seems to be her main complaint.  If it's really over for Keith, he needs to be brutally honest with her, instead of giving her false hope. 

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10 hours ago, Lily247 said:

Work through issues? I would have been completely done w her [Iris] after the lemonade incident. She had this inability to soften up, and always talked in that loud, professional, "I need to hear myself talking" voice. I think him [Keith] bailing out on her early would have humiliated her. Him being physically present with her during the duration of those 8 weeks was trying enough IMO. I thought his breakup with her was very kind and diplomatic. 

Agreed. I'm bored with both of them. She [Iris] has a big 'issue' with 'just' being friends, so Keith needs to stop trying. That marriage is over. Move along

And, MAFS, stop putting it on TV!

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8 hours ago, OnTime said:

I'll defend Doug a bit.

He does have a steady job according to LinkedIn and has been there for two years  https://www.linkedin.com/in/douglas-hehner-67858149

She has said Doug treats her better than anyone else she had dated,  he has the great, caring, and fun family she has always wanted, and he completely accepts her background and baggage. He really is what she asked the experts for.

I think she is in it for long haul with Doug.

Thanks for explaining Doug.  He looks like a nice guy, and she does look happy with her life.  I didn’t know anything about her before this show.  I heard she was on the Bachelor too.  

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On 9/15/2019 at 1:47 AM, Yeah No said:

You're welcome, and this is a great insight!  They say that sex is 90% in the mind, and if you are so afraid of it that you can't even allow yourself to think about it (or let anyone else help you think about it), well, the chances of it ever happening are pretty much zero.  And I don't even count the stuff that Iris claims is evidence of her being open to it.  She wants to believe she is but I don't see it, and obviously neither did Keith.  And no amount of her putting on an act to make us believe she is is going to change my mind.  

Reminds me of a couple of guys I met when I was young that had the religious tapes firmly ingrained in them to the point of flirting with me, pursuing me and going out on dates with me but being unable to perform sexually because they were brought up to believe that premarital sex was "wrong".  Both were Roman Catholic school educated.  The nuns did a number on them.  I'm a mainstream Protestant so I didn't grow up with that kind of complex.  But I have run into a few RC guys from that background that have serious sexual hang ups.  Made me feel like I was somehow too "dirty" for them or something.  Anyway, I don't blame Keith in the least.

I don’t think we talked about if Iris did any petting and making out with Keith.  I’ll come clean here.  I didn’t have intercourse until after we got married, but we sure did a lot of making out and petting in the car, and it was fabulous.  Maybe it was fabulous because we were in love.  Iris and Keith weren’t in love, so it’s a different ballgame.  I would like to think tho, after a few weeks, Iris would have at least tried making out and fooling around a little with Keith being he was so nice about everything.  I know for a fact that I could have never jumped in the sack so fast like Elizabeth and Amber tho.  They barely knew who each other was.  Now, i agree with Deonna.  She waited until she got to know what Gregg was about.  I still didn’t like her demeanor tho.

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That reminds me of Paula Faris (ABC news).  She waited for religious reasons and said that before they were married she and her fiancé did enough to know that they had chemistry, were compatible, and could talk about sex with each other.  I thought that was a nice way to talk about it without going into specifics.

I had a coworker years ago who had a normal, healthy sex life.  She started dating a religious widower who didn’t believe in sex before marriage so unbeknownst to him she kept some friends with benefits on the side.  When things started to get serious she ended the friends with benefits thinking that BF would want to have sex soon.  As someone who enjoyed sex, she couldn’t conceive that someone would choose not too if they had the option.  They became engaged and set a wedding date a year out as he had a son and didn’t want to rush things.  A few months into the engagement she realized he really wasn’t going to have sex before the wedding and she started an affair with a coworker that went on for a good six months.  I was so nervous it was all going to blow up since her fiancé would often drop by our workplace.  Two months before the wedding she changed jobs and cut off all communication with us - pretty sure she was worried her secret sex life would be discovered by her fiancé.  There are no guarantees in life.  Iris could spend years getting to know someone, marry them and give them her ‘special’ gift but they might not be the person she thinks they are.

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2 hours ago, Silver Bells said:

Maybe it was fabulous because we were in love.  Iris and Keith weren’t in love, so it’s a different ballgame.

Yeah I think that's again why she should've never done this. Since this is just so important to her she needed to wait & find someone who found it equally as important, & who she knew she loved & loved her  - as well as the whole endeavor not being filmed for teevee - so she could feel comfortable. She's going about this all wrong LOL.

1 hour ago, Booger666 said:

There are no guarantees in life.  Iris could spend years getting to know someone, marry them and give them her ‘special’ gift but they might not be the person she thinks they are.

So, so sadly true.

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On 9/13/2019 at 2:39 PM, JocelynCavanaugh said:

There are evangelical beliefs, but then there are also innate personalities. It's not unheard of for a more laid-back guy to marry a more assertive or goal-oriented woman, while both are also devout believers.

I would also like to point out that almost all of the successes on this show have been a dominant (or bossy, opinionated) woman with a more laid back man. Stay-J and Jamie and Liz being the exception, although I don't think Jamie and Liz will last long. Almost every other couple has this dynamic, and I see Greg and Deonna following that pattern. It's too bad Keith and Iris had the virginity thing to deal with because on paper they are the perfect prototype for this show........

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On 9/13/2019 at 5:43 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

So I did some searching to see if my memory was correct, and I found an interesting article called "Your Charlotte bank VP title doesn’t really mean much."

But it does mean more than "unemployed basketball player" or "wannabe car detailer"........

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Here's my take on Keith and Iris and where the blame goes....just my two cents worth.

The first piece of blame goes to Iris. Who the f^&* goes on a national TV show proclaiming virginity to the high heavens. I realize the show's title isn't very descriptive, at least for Iris:  MARRIED at First Sight. What do married couples do? They are intimate. What does that involve? Intimacy - physical and emotional. Iris might be chronologically 27 years old but realistically she's operating at about a 12 year old. For all we know, she's not even a virgin; I'm kind of waiting for the bomb to drop on that, once her cherry picker fesses up....

Next blame? And the winner is.....the show producers. (Audience claps.)  They actually deserve the biggest share of the blame in this whole situation. Really???? Casting a virgin???? How the hell did they think this was going to work out? Did they ever stop to think about who would get "stuck" with her? Nice people, don't give a damn about anybody or anything but your stupid TV ratings.

And Keith. He didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of coming out of this unscathed. As others have posted, if he would have nailed her, then divorced he would be forever tagged as a dirt bag. And now, because he did the responsible thing and sought out a divorce, he's getting the raw end of the deal because he didn't push to "help" Iris. Listen people - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. IMO, he's the only respectable person in this triangle (Iris, producers, Keith) - - oh wait, quadrangle (Iris, her claimed virginity, producers, Keith). I hope he's has stayed the course and stayed away from her.

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9 hours ago, Auntie said:

And Keith. He didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of coming out of this unscathed. As others have posted, if he would have nailed her, then divorced he would be forever tagged as a dirt bag. And now, because he did the responsible thing and sought out a divorce, he's getting the raw end of the deal because he didn't push to "help" Iris. Listen people - you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. IMO, he's the only respectable person in this triangle (Iris, producers, Keith) - - oh wait, quadrangle (Iris, her claimed virginity, producers, Keith). I hope he's has stayed the course and stayed away from her.

Thank you for putting it this way, I've said before that Keith was between a rock and a hard place and this is why.  He would have to be ABSOLUTELY SURE that Iris was the one for him by decision day to take the risk he would not end up in the situation of eventually divorcing her after being the one to "take" her virginity.  In other words he wanted to avoid being a creep and looking like a creep, and who can blame him especially when the chances of that relationship working out are not that great at best?  I can see how he would not want to be the one responsible for potentially dumping her after having sex with her, let alone how the public would look at him if he was.  And then there's how IRIS would feel about him if he was, which had the potential for being much worse than how she must feel about him right now.  I think Keith was doing the gentlemanly thing in not wanting to hurt her even more than she's already hurt, although I do think he was also thinking about himself too.  Which is fine, why should he put himself in that kind of potentially horrible situation?  The way Iris is could not have been completely lost on the show or the experts.  They set this really decent guy up not only for failure but to look bad to the world no matter what he did.  Just despicable.

Edited by Yeah No
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Keith shut down the minute he heard "virgin", as did many of us. He was in a no-win, & didn't want to try. Iris somehow didn't get the memo.

The show did Iris a disservice too. Many people audition apply for this, but a virgin should not have been chosen - unless maybe, it was to be matched with someone who stated s/he would not have an issue with it, but even then I doubt it's a good idea.

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On 9/16/2019 at 9:46 AM, Booger666 said:

She started dating a religious widower who didn’t believe in sex before marriage

My MiL did flower arranging for a couple like this. Turns out on the honeymoon he couldn't perform and then tried to blame her when it turned out he had diabetes and knew he was impotent to begin with

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I just watched about 10 minutes of the Finale Reunion show with Kevin Hart interviewing Keith and Iris. Oiy, some things never change. I won't spill the beans here, but it does air in its entirety tomorrow night I guess.

also, read online that next season there will be 5 couples and the shows will be 2 hours long. Based in Washington DC.

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2 hours ago, stuckin60s said:

i would like to see where Keith and Iris have been dating the past 2 months at the reunion show

Spoiler

Iris and Keith revealed they still see each other for coffee and dinner after Decision Day. If one partner (Iris-maybe) is still hung up on the other, and didn't want the break up. This could be interpreted as "dating" and I believe some posters are seeing it as "dating", too. 

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I see the problem of Iris's virginity not as the fact she's a virgin.

It's a problem because she's not willing to give it up!

Stop talking, Iris. Just relax with your husband and see what happens.🤞

If she wanted to stay a virgin for years to come, she had no business applying for this show. 

The producers made a huge mistake when they chose her.

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14 hours ago, Auntie said:

I read online that next season there will be 5 couples and the shows will be 2 hours long. Based in Washington DC.

I still hope that's not true, but it probably is. They must be trying to improve their chances of getting at least one marriage per season that lasts past the final reunion (lol). 

I think it sux, too many personalities to keep track of imo, and probably only "awwww...." and high drama will even be shown (as the cameras will be switching couples constantly).

Yuk!

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2 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I still hope that's not true, but it probably is. They must be trying to improve their chances of getting at least one marriage per season that lasts past the final reunion (lol). 

I think it sux, too many personalities to keep track of imo, and probably only "awwww...." and high drama will even be shown (as the cameras will be switching couples constantly).

Yuk!

I'm almost certain it's true - I think I remember seeing a commercial for the next season that said they'd have five couples. They are currently filming just outside DC, in Arlington, Virginia.

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Looks like Deonna & Elizabeth still have on their rings in the preview, so, that's that.

Also, looks like they didn't air 2 scenes from the season preview: Where Amber tells Matt, "Your behavior's unacceptable, try that again, I won't be here." & Where Deonna's torso is packing & says, "I'm *bleep* done."

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On 9/15/2019 at 12:10 AM, Yeah No said:

When Iris is focused on a man as a sexual, real human being her shields are in the up position and the red alert is sounding because she just can't let herself be open and vulnerable to a man in any way, either emotionally or physically.  She assumes all men are going to hurt and take advantage of her due to whatever messed up stuff she was fed as a girl and teenager.  So therefore, no amount of trying to get her to open up would have worked.  I see posts putting the onus on Keith to help ease her into all this, but she is obviously dead set against that because she thinks that the end goal of that journey is to get her into bed....and therefore hurt her.  She can't disassociate emotional vulnerability from leaving herself open to being hurt and used.  So therefore nothing Keith would have done would have helped her get over her hang ups and therapy is her only hope.  I think Keith knew that in his gut and decided it was best not to continue to bang his head against a wall...

On 9/15/2019 at 2:06 AM, Yeah No said:

Yes, and if that isn't proof that there's something off about her, I don't know what would be.  Anyone that has that little understanding of how relationships work in general to not know that marrying a stranger is most likely going to feel more frightening and make it even harder to imagine giving up something that's that precious to them is not dealing with reality.  Did she think Prince Charming was going to sweep her off her feet and make her feel OK with sex FINALLY with all her hang ups?  She has a warped, childish fairy tale view of things to see this show as any kind of viable option for her.  Therapy would have been a better solution.

I enjoyed both of your posts. 

I'm someone who believed --and still believes-- that Keith could've done more to communicate with Iris about his own confusion and frustrations. People keep referring to Keith's "emotional immaturity" conversation, but Iris had no clue what he was talking about. In her mind, emotional immaturity = being a virgin and not willing to jump in the sack with him right away. Of course, that's not what Keith meant at all. But I don't think Iris understood that. 

I also agree with you, however, that Keith is not equipped to be Iris's therapist. Nor should a husband be expected to act as his wife's therapist. Be supportive and loving, yes, but it's not up to Keith to diagnose and treat whatever is going on in Iris's mind. Hell, Keith probably doesn't even know what's going on. He might be thinking that Iris was simply choosing to be revolted by sex so she wouldn't have to "give up" her virginity.

I really think Iris--and her mother-- were hoping that a good man would be able to help Iris get over her hang-ups. And Keith, while not being perfect, was probably as close as Iris was going to get. I'm sorry they didn't work out-- they look good together and seemed to get along initially.

I just hope Iris gets the help she needs. 

3 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I'm almost certain it's true - I think I remember seeing a commercial for the next season that said they'd have five couples. They are currently filming just outside DC, in Arlington, Virginia.

Yeah, that's too many couples. And 2 hour episodes? Sheesh! I already fall asleep during these 90-minute ones. 

Has the show ever had a season in a western city? Or is Chicago the farthest west they've filmed?

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4 hours ago, Lindz said:

Looks like Deonna & Elizabeth still have on their rings in the preview, so, that's that.

Also, looks like they didn't air 2 scenes from the season preview: Where Amber tells Matt, "Your behavior's unacceptable, try that again, I won't be here." & Where Deonna's torso is packing & says, "I'm *bleep* done."

This. Plus I could have sworn they showed Matt with another woman, because I remember thinking early on that I hope it’s a relative or something.  

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22 hours ago, Auntie said:

I just watched about 10 minutes of the Finale Reunion show with Kevin Hart interviewing Keith and Iris. Oiy, some things never change. I won't spill the beans here, but it does air in its entirety tomorrow night I guess.

also, read online that next season there will be 5 couples and the shows will be 2 hours long. Based in Washington DC.

I know you meant Kevin Frazier but, oh lawd, I would've loved to have seen Kevin Hart interviewing Keith and Iris.

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6 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I'm almost certain it's true - I think I remember seeing a commercial for the next season that said they'd have five couples. They are currently filming just outside DC, in Arlington, Virginia.

I think this is disgusting. They have created more divorces than marriages, and now they are doubling down???? In any given city they are hard pressed to come up with 3 (now 4) viable men - how the hell do they think they can get five well adjusted, responsible, mature, ready-for-marriage guys for this???? Oh wait, that's not their main objective, right? They just care about the stupid show while in reality they are fucking with people's real lives. Just gross. I also think this will reinforce the trend of each couple being boiled down to one primary story line because they don't have time to film all of these people. Here I was wishing they would go back to three couples, and instead they went the other way.......

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19 minutes ago, Ohwell said:
23 hours ago, Auntie said:

I just watched about 10 minutes of the Finale Reunion show with Kevin Hart interviewing Keith and Iris. Oiy, some things never change. I won't spill the beans here, but it does air in its entirety tomorrow night I guess.

also, read online that next season there will be 5 couples and the shows will be 2 hours long. Based in Washington DC.

I know you meant Kevin Frazier but, oh lawd, I would've loved to have seen Kevin Hart interviewing Keith and Iris.

Oh my, @OHWELL - - I certainly did mean Kevin Frazier!!!!  I'm still laughing over my goof....And I agree, that would have been SOME interview.

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1 hour ago, Ilovepie said:

I think this is disgusting. They have created more divorces than marriages, and now they are doubling down???? In any given city they are hard pressed to come up with 3 (now 4) viable men - how the hell do they think they can get five well adjusted, responsible, mature, ready-for-marriage guys for this???? Oh wait, that's not their main objective, right? They just care about the stupid show while in reality they are fucking with people's real lives. Just gross. I also think this will reinforce the trend of each couple being boiled down to one primary story line because they don't have time to film all of these people. Here I was wishing they would go back to three couples, and instead they went the other way.......

They're probably doing more true casting rather than matching.

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On 9/12/2019 at 4:45 PM, DrewPaul2010 said:

In case she doesn't know it sex is a loving bonding experience in which a couple share the greatest intimacy. Its the strongest way to communicate love when words no longer suffice.

This statement is the loviest way I’ve ever heard an explanation of love and sex.  Beautiful.

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For some unknown reason, I have focused on Amber and Iris' bathroom situation.  Amber feeling isolated that her husband did not want to share a bathroom, and Iris' explaining correct bathroom protocol.

Iris effectively turns a bathroom with double sinks into a single user space with her rules, and Amber is offended to be isolated in her daily bathroom activities.

After decision day Iris can do as she chooses, and Amber still has more privacy than she wants.

Why on earth would Amber have ever wanted to share bathroom time and storage with another person if she did not have to?

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On 10/5/2019 at 5:28 AM, Liberty said:

Why on earth would Amber have ever wanted to share bathroom time and storage with another person if she did not have to?

I think it suggests a deeper psychological struggle for Amber. Any distance from someone she cares about suggests abandonment. Which the producers already knew, which is why it was cruel to match her with Matt. She needs therapy for sure, but this show loves to play mind-games with its cast. Pretty messed up. And yet I keep watching...

I'm surprised she didn't talk to her twin sister more. I always imagine twins as lifelong best friends who know each other better than anyone else. Amber seemed to get along with her sister. I wonder why she never called her for support and encouragement. (at least we never saw it). 

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On 10/7/2019 at 11:24 AM, topanga said:

I think it suggests a deeper psychological struggle for Amber. Any distance from someone she cares about suggests abandonment. Which the producers already knew, which is why it was cruel to match her with Matt. She needs therapy for sure, but this show loves to play mind-games with its cast. Pretty messed up. And yet I keep watching...

I'm surprised she didn't talk to her twin sister more. I always imagine twins as lifelong best friends who know each other better than anyone else. Amber seemed to get along with her sister. I wonder why she never called her for support and encouragement. (at least we never saw it). 

That's what annoys me about this show - I'm sure she talked to her sister and her dad; I'm sure Elizabeth was still talking to her dad at least! and Keith to his family after grandma died; I would think they continued going to work (if they had jobs) and the gym or church or wherever they do life, yet we don't get to see any of this or hear about it - it's all them sitting and discussing their "issue" and then the friends/family are dragged out of the closet for one episode where the conversation revolves around the "issue".  I'd like to see more of what goes on on a daily basis in their lives, and the other things they've got going on.  Sure for Amber and Matt the issue was the thing - since he was never around otherwise!  But Deonna and Greg had a lot more going on than her "walls" and his horniness.

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On 11/3/2019 at 10:26 AM, Apollo said:

So, does anyone here also watch MAFS Australia?   

I watched the first 6 seasons online and I think it's even more addictive than the US version.  Since they air so many more episodes per season than the US version and there is more balanced editing, you're more likely to get the full story about different events/drama, etc.  (This year, season 6, there were 40 episodes - 4 episodes per week.) 

They also have more couples than the US version -- 12 couples this past season.

Each week, they have these very long, crazy dinner parties with each other, so they can all get to know each other, which has also led to a bit of insanity in the past few seasons.     (Some really crazy things happen, but I don't want to post any spoilers.... Whatever you do, don't google the show before you've watched it all from season one, since the controversies of the most recent seasons have been posted everywhere.)

There have also been many sweet, romantic, genuinely heartfelt and romantic moments too ... and since all the couples get to know each other so well at all the dinner parties, they often end up as great support systems for each other. 

The experts are also far, far less intrusive and annoying too, (excluding Pastor Calvin -- I love him!) .... and they have this big get together where they decide each week if they'll remain together.  If just one person in the couple says, "yes", they both have to keep trying to make it work.  

I checked on this forum, but I don't see a discussion board for it.  Would be awesome if that were added.  It's a huge hit in Australia.

Where online did you find the episodes? I've only found snippets. Thanks

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I finally caught up with this show, and I was shocked by how cold Matt was. Initially I liked him. I absolutely love tall men, and he seemed sweet and positive about Amber. Even as that started to change, I was more focused on Jamie’s low blows. Since Matt didn’t rip Amber apart, he didn’t seem so awful. After finishing the season, now I think at least with Jamie, you see there’s a person there, and he communicates. He can also become a better communicator and partner with time. Matt owed Amber so much more. Did he immediately regret getting married? Was he only attracted to Amber when she was dolled up as a bride? What happened? My heart broke for Amber. Getting married is a big deal. She was all in. She has no idea why it didn’t work out, and the man she married treated her like she meant nothing. 

I agree with the general consensus about pretty much everything. Keith in particular is so goodlooking and such a gentleman. I would date him in a heartbeat. 
 

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4 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I finally caught up with this show, and I was shocked by how cold Matt was. Initially I liked him. I absolutely love tall men, and he seemed sweet and positive about Amber. Even as that started to change, I was more focused on Jamie’s low blows. Since Matt didn’t rip Amber apart, he didn’t seem so awful. After finishing the season, now I think at least with Jamie, you see there’s a person there, and he communicates. He can also become a better communicator and partner with time. Matt owed Amber so much more. Did he immediately regret getting married? Was he only attracted to Amber when she was dolled up as a bride? What happened? My heart broke for Amber. Getting married is a big deal. She was all in. She has no idea why it didn’t work out, and the man she married treated her like she meant nothing. 

I agree with the general consensus about pretty much everything. Keith in particular is so goodlooking and such a gentleman. I would date him in a heartbeat. 
 

Jaime was a jerk but he was extremely physically attracted to Beth. He did want her around at least for the sex.

Matt was a homeless unemployed guy who desperately was in need of some quick cash and a place to stay.  I could tell at the wedding he was not into Amber but he did enjoy her fawning over him like he was a big star. Pretty soon afterwards he no longer had any fucks to give about the marriage and started hitting on other women. I don’t even think he wanted to sleep with her any more because she was more than willing to continue their physical relationship.

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21 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

...

I agree with the general consensus about pretty much everything. Keith in particular is so goodlooking and such a gentleman. I would date him in a heartbeat. 
 

He got hammered pretty good here for different reasons but I agree with you.  I thought he was gorgeous.  And polite.  And calm.  And just all around FINE. 

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26 minutes ago, Kareem said:

He got hammered pretty good here for different reasons but I agree with you.  I thought he was gorgeous.  And polite.  And calm.  And just all around FINE. 

I thought he did his best with Iris. Totally agree about how you described him. 🙂

I’m sure he’ll find a great lady. Who wouldn’t want someone so kind and patient? I wonder how Matt will do...

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On 12/17/2019 at 10:49 AM, Kareem said:

He got hammered pretty good here for different reasons but I agree with you.  I thought he was gorgeous.  And polite.  And calm.  And just all around FINE. 

 

On 12/17/2019 at 11:17 AM, RealHousewife said:

I thought he did his best with Iris. Totally agree about how you described him. 🙂

I’m sure he’ll find a great lady. Who wouldn’t want someone so kind and patient? I wonder how Matt will do...

I understand why he was not into Iris, though I thought they made a lovely looking couple.

I also applaud him for not letting the show (looking at you Cal) bully him into staying with her.

He could have been more expressive so she was not blind sided, but Iris probably is not great at picking up clues about how her partner feels.

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Late to the party, just watched the season on Hulu.  totally agreed with Keith. To me, the big issue was Iris' emotional immaturity.  Her 'big secret' was a childhood story about swallowing a quarter ??? Nope, bu-bye

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