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S09.E13: She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not


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Yeah, Pastor Cal saying marriage had nothing to do with being happy was too weird. Also, my thoughts on this episode and the season comes down to a few things:

1) at the wedding and the beginning of the show, we were subjected to the insanity that was Big Red and her father's dysfunction. That looked like it would be a HUGE issue in their relationship. Since then, we have seen/heard NOTHING. And even when she was supposed to be seeking guidance from friends (she probably doesn't have any) and family, she meets with her mother? That felt set up to me, since they sure didn't seem close at any of the beginning shows. I am glad we didn't see her father, maybe he had to be hospitalized at the thought of all of the Caucasian sex his daughter was being subjected to?

2)Absolutely nothing has changed and there has been no growth with Amber/Matt and Keith/Iris. Iris THINKS, "Iris has shown maturity and vulnerability," but she is clueless and will not understand when Keith says NO. She will blame it all on her virginity and never get it. Amber is still so desperately needy and pathetic and I hope she gets help (and NOT from Luke, in reference to a photo that was posted). Matt is and always was a total jerk and ass. He can't possibly think that anyone believed all of his verbal garbage.

3)I think the Deonna and Greg were so edited to show what the producers wanted us to see that we really have no clue. Deonna can be fun, but she still seems so closed and inflexible and Greg can't win. He should not have to do all the changes to please her so she can say, "Good boy, here's a cookie." She has Sandy for that. I have seen changes in her, but I want Greg to feel happy in his relationship and to have to wait for her moods. Like I said, I hope they have done this work off camera and both say yes and, just like with Bobby and Danielle, she tells Greg she loves him at the D-Day.

4)The toxic dump that is Jamie and Big Red. I think they are both very unpleasant, unlikeable people, but he has gotten worse - he is so calm when he says horrible things to her that should not be forgiven. She looked really pretty at their last dinner (her face anyway; I swear if she doesn't wear some support, she won't be able to walk in a few years from back problems), but they do not belong together. They bring out the worst in each other and they need to walk away. But, Jamie can have visitation for the dogs.

Anyway, it will be interesting to see the reunion. 

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2 hours ago, sasha206 said:

Iris is beautiful, although the way she holds her head is odd -- like she tilts it back and it's like her chin juts out.

Yes, that's what it is.  She tilts her head back and juts that chin out.  Then she starts yap yap yapping like she thinks people want to listen to her sage advice.  She is so smug.    

24 minutes ago, sometimesjennifer said:

Tipsy, loose Deonna is ADORABLE!

Yeah, if you like drunk chipmunks. 😃

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Iris should become a nun!  If I'm tired of her virginity can you imagine Keith.  That man's a saint. 

They have lived together as man and wife sleeping in the same bed and Iris is still a virgin?  And the funny thing is she wonders what he will say on decision day???

NO IRIS...NO THANKS!

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8 minutes ago, sometimesjennifer said:

To each his own. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years and we would LOVE to hang out with them. We enjoy fun, "childish" activities in addition to stuff like going to museums and watching movies at the local art house. It's possible to be an adult and do both.

I was joking.  I know better than to take this show seriously.  

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13 hours ago, OnTime said:

Are we really to believe Amber's best friend just happens to be at the same bar, same day, and same time as Matt and sees him leave with another girl?

I think the producers are working overtime...

Why exactly is this such a huge stretch? They are in the same town. Matt is constantly going out. Matt is an idiot. Everything checks out here.

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50 minutes ago, sometimesjennifer said:

Back to Unfiltered: can we please talk about something Pastor Nutjob said, because he really had my head spinning. I had to rewind three times because I felt like I had to be hearing him wrong. According to him, you cannot judge a marriage on whether or not it makes you happy. "Base your marriage on whether or not it's a valuable commodity that can take us to a desired goal." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT??

I think he’s just talking to say something at this point, since he looks dumb as hell for setting up these dumpster fires of couples and everyone knows it. They really needed a comeback season after Philadelphia’s 50% decision day (and even that was a miracle, because no one could have expected St. Stephanie to be able to handle Insane AJ) and these hot Charlotte messes sure aren’t it.

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47 minutes ago, sometimesjennifer said:

I want to hang out with Deonna and her friends. They are so great. I also loved Greg's friend and Greg's, "Sir, that is my WIFE!" response to him. So, so cute.

I cracked up. I really liked Greg's friend too - he seems very smart and insightful, and they're clearly close.

10 minutes ago, sometimesjennifer said:

To each his own. My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years and we would LOVE to hang out with them. We enjoy fun, "childish" activities in addition to stuff like going to museums and watching movies at the local art house. It's possible to be an adult and do both.

Yeah, I am not good at pool at all but I think bowling is a great date.

30 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

Yeah, Pastor Cal saying marriage had nothing to do with being happy was too weird.

I don't watch Unfiltered but what I suspect he meant was that marriage can't make you happy; you have to be happy on your own. Like, if you are an unhappy person and then you get married, marriage isn't going to fix all your problems (ESPECIALLY if you marry the wrong person). It's entirely possible to be married and miserable.

2 minutes ago, Racj82 said:

Why exactly is this such a huge stretch? They are in the same town. Matt is constantly going out. Matt is an idiot. Everything checks out here.

Agreed. Charlotte isn't that big and odds are good they populate the same places.

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10 hours ago, Lily247 said:

Nope, it could never be salvaged after her comment insulting his sexual technique. That was crossing a serious line.

I just cant stand Beth and her stupid attitude, the dumbgirl way of talking that she has, and how she shits on the male participants on the show while being the biggest assh*le herself. She reeks of entitlement in the worst way.

Jamie wasnt clued in yet on their wedding night when she got naked in front of the crew, who were possibly male, that maybe Beth is batshit crazy. She reminds me of an old pal of mine from my early 20s who was the same crazy, and all the guys had one night stands with her and blocked her number afterwards. 

"OMG look.... my hair.... is INSANE...." 

who talks like that ??????

Working upwards:

I think many young (even -ish) women and males might express themselves similarly. I mean, HAIR! Crowning glory and all that! Samson! An entire Broadway musical! "Gimme a head with hair--long, beautiful hair....!" Adults freaked OUT over the Beatles back in the day! "What do you call your hair?" "Arthur." If there were a way to reverse baldness? BILLION$$$!

Beth is "crazy"? Mayhaps, but which of the partners packed his wittle bag and left, TWICE, after calling his bride an execrable term? Also, there is no supporting evidence that Elizabeth has been anyone's "one-night stand." Deonna, OTOH.....

I missed those segments where Big Red "shits on the male participants on the show."

Edited by LennieBriscoe
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3 minutes ago, MajorNelson said:

Matt isn't ready for marriage.  Poor Amber can't see that???

I suspect Matt is a whole lifetime of packing suitcases and one night stands and I wonder if that's the reason his family did not attend the nuptials???

Honestly I don't think he even told them about all of this!

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12 hours ago, Kcard said:
14 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

As others have mentioned, Amber Alert needs to look at the man who is right in front of her, there for her,  crying for her. 

And she can always call him "Bran Stark."

Yes! He’s way hotter & seems like a good guy. Why aren’t they together? Does she only like a-holes

Maybe the guy's an "actor" not her real "friend."

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14 hours ago, Kareem said:

It was interesting to see him deliberating with his friend and in the TH. He seems like one of those loves to be loved guys.  Hoping she’ll eventually learn to snipe less if they stay together.  

Greg: Will you miss me?

Deonna: NOPE!
   ...just kidding.

I didn't like that answer at that time.  There's a time for levity and a time for not, and that's the last thing he'll remember her by.  Now, he can wonder did she reveal the truth in her joke answer?

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13 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

What was her reply to his question that got him exasperated? I rewound 2x but still could not make it out. It was when he asked her to tell him something she liked about him that she'd not told him or even the experts. Her ( I am assuming) pat answer upset him, as well it should.

"I like that you let me be the big spoon occasionally.    Teehee"

Greg kinda glares back.  Then they cut to him in TH (in different shirt) saying: "It's super frustrating when she doesn't share her feelings. ..."

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1 hour ago, Jeanne222 said:

Iris should become a nun!  If I'm tired of her virginity can you imagine Keith.  That man's a saint. 

They have lived together as man and wife sleeping in the same bed and Iris is still a virgin?  And the funny thing is she wonders what he will say on decision day???

NO IRIS...NO THANKS!

At the beginning of the season, after the weddings, I didn't have any predictions of who would stay together at decision day, but I did predict that all four couples would consummate their marriages this season. Oops. I will never understand Iris.

1 hour ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

I think he’s just talking to say something at this point, since he looks dumb as hell for setting up these dumpster fires of couples and everyone knows it. They really needed a comeback season after Philadelphia’s 50% decision day (and even that was a miracle, because no one could have expected St. Stephanie to be able to handle Insane AJ) and these hot Charlotte messes sure aren’t it.

I agree. With the exception of Greg and Deonna, these couples are  a  disaster. I blame Pastor Cal for casting Iris in the first place. In one of the early Unfiltereds, he made some comment about not being concerned at all about Iris' virginity, and I'm thinking, yeah, but you're not the one married to her, you dumbass, did you not consider how her husband might feel about it?

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6 minutes ago, gingerandcloves said:

At the beginning of the season, after the weddings, I didn't have any predictions of who would stay together at decision day, but I did predict that all four couples would consummate their marriages this season. Oops. I will never understand Iris.

I agree. With the exception of Greg and Deonna, these couples are  a  disaster. I blame Pastor Cal for casting Iris in the first place. In one of the early Unfiltereds, he made some comment about not being concerned at all about Iris' virginity, and I'm thinking, yeah, but you're not the one married to her, you dumbass, did you not consider how her husband might feel about it?

To be fair...they did cast Iris with a hot guy..Keith.  What woman wouldn't want to...yep..Iris again. 

Keith is everything.  He's handsome, experienced, gentle, kind, soft spoken and loves his momma.  Irish is a cold fish.  What if she would have been cast with a Jamie???  lol

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4 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

I could be wrong but I thought the sex Deonna and Gregg both speak of was that ONE TIME on their one month anniversary!

Since then they both just talk about it!

That is the only instance of them having sex that they have talked about. I don't think that in any way means it is the only time.

They just have enough class that that is not the only topic of conversation like some other couples seem to think it is.

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12 hours ago, topanga said:

Question 2:

Greg: Do you love me? [🎶Do you love me? Now, that I can dance. Watch me work—hey!🎶]

Deonna: [Long pause] ...Hmmmm...Really didn’t think this was coming...I honestly—I don’t know.

Really, Deonna? After 8 weeks, you can’t say anything more than ‘I don’t know?’ Of course you know if you do love him, if you’ll never love him, or if you don’t love him right now but could feel yourself possibly heading in that direction one day. You couldn’t give Greg anything more affectionate or kind than ‘I don’t know?’

Yeah, Deonna was able to tell her friends/family that she was developing feelings on the way to love.  Why couldn't she say something more along those lines to Greg?  I think she may just be afraid Greg is going to say no on decision day and she does not want to be embarrassed by that.

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Other than the shocking! ending with Amber (who am I kidding - they already showed it 10 million times this season), this episode was boring with a capital B. They are really stretching this nonsense out. They have completely ruined this show by giving people one "story line" instead of just showing them going about their life. It feels like every episode is the same: Matt is a douche, Iris is a virgin, Deonna is uptight, Jamie and Beth are a dumpster fire......it's just not that compelling.

I don't ever want to hear the word virginity again. That being said, I do think they will both say yes next week; I don't know why, it's just a feeling; maybe it was just the look between them at dinner, and the sweet goodbye? Whether they are still together at the reunion (and Iris is still a virgin) is another story......

Jamie is such a creep. He just grosses me out. I think Beth was not far off that he is a nymphomaniac. What an asshole - not a sexual being? I think that was more passive aggressive garbage from him for her caucasian sex comment. It's also not true just because she doesn't want sex as frequently as he seems to. Just gross. And yet, I am sure these two nut jobs stay together......

I think Greg and Deonna are this year's Bobby and Danielle. She is going to come clean and it's off to happily ever after next week.......

Much like Luke and Kate, I am relieved next week is the last I have to see Matt and Amber. Is it possible to ghost someone while you still maintain a relationship with them? If so, Matt is the king. Again, what an asshole.

Geez, show, please do better - people who watch this show actually like when it works out!

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1 hour ago, MajorNelson said:

"I like that you let me be the big spoon occasionally.    Teehee"

Greg kinda glares back.  Then they cut to him in TH (in different shirt) saying: "It's super frustrating when she doesn't share her feelings. ..."

Yeah, her comment was as bad as Iris's big secret being swallowing a coin. 

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33 minutes ago, Sterling said:

If Raven and Amber are really best friends, why wouldn't he have texted her that night about seeing Matt with a girl?  Heck, even with a pic, or told Amber that he needed to talk to her right away?  A real, true friend wouldn't wait for cameras, production, and big old ugly papasan chairs to break the news.

well, we don't know what night he saw Matt with the girl or did I miss that part?

I think he thought it was something he needed to tell her in person and he has no control over the cameras being there  - this would have been too juicy a reveal to not have it filmed

24 minutes ago, 2727 said:

Her twin sister is married. 

her twin should have set her up with someone

she would have to do a better job of it than these "experts"

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After one thread an episode or two ago, it is clear to me that the 8 week divorce decision is manufactured by production, with the whole hearted cooperation of the poseurs and characters.  If any character really thinks they cannot wait 10 weeks, or 12 weeks or 3 years to decide they want a divorce they are kookie.

Now characters are "on the fence" for the cameras, just to get us to tune in next week.  For heavens sake editors, if viewers made it this far we going to tune in next week no matter what red herrings the characters drag across our path.

Imagine if they showed Amber saying to Raven, "I want a divorce", we'd still tune in next week to see Matt's reaction.  It's the faint hope that there is a dramatic scene like Sam Role provided.

There is a great deal of 'scripting' and editing in this  to heighten the drama that keeps us watching.

"I like drunk chipmunks and I cannot lie"

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5 hours ago, lids said:

She should figure out how to show warmth and vulnerability and then she and Jaime could communicate better.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! 😂😂 NO WAY! There's no hope for them. They're a LOST CAUSE! It's a wrap! He's an icy psycho that just criticizes. He can't be trusted, so she can't be vulnerable, he'd just hurt her more. They both fight dirty in disagreements & deserve each other in that way. OVER THEM! NEXT!

Edited by Lindz
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3 minutes ago, Liberty said:

After one thread an episode or two ago, it is clear to me that the 8 week divorce decision is manufactured by production, with the whole hearted cooperation of the poseurs and characters.  If any character really thinks they cannot wait 10 weeks, or 12 weeks or 3 years to decide they want a divorce they are kookie.

Yeah, the whole thing about that being the do or die day is ridiculous.

I would not be surprised if they all said yes to staying together on that day, thinking they are sparing their partner's feelings being hurt on camera.

They can just decide a week later to call it quits.

I think the only couple having a long range possibility is Greg and Deonna.

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28 minutes ago, cinsays said:

Yeah, Deonna was able to tell her friends/family that she was developing feelings on the way to love.  Why couldn't she say something more along those lines to Greg?  I think she may just be afraid Greg is going to say no on decision day and she does not want to be embarrassed by that.

It really bothered me that when he asked if she loves him and she replied "I don't know..." they cut to commercial and then did not come back! Obviously, that conversation continued in some capacity, either with her expanding on that with a "but I feel that I am on that path" or him pushing her for more and her clamming up or her just brushing it off or SOMETHING. Of course they didn't show us what happened next because it doesn't fit the narrative and they want us on the edge of our seats wondering what will happen.

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1 hour ago, Jeanne222 said:

Keith is everything.  He's handsome, experienced, gentle, kind, soft spoken and loves his momma. 

... not affectionate, not romantic, doesn't cuddle, doesn't grow the relationship, doesn't connect emotionally, doesn't share his thoughts & feelings openly & clearly. Yup. TOTAL PACKAGE! 😉😂

Edited by Lindz
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3 hours ago, lids said:

Why do men say these things if they don’t mean it???

Cuz. They. Are. LIARS!! 😂😂 They learn to talk game to women to butter them up & make them think they like them, to get what they want. I hope they meant it & their feelings changed, that's plausible. The attraction has to grow & be maintained. Either way, they should convey their thoughts & feelings openly & effectively & their actions should reflect their words. Simple

Edited by Lindz
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Beth's mother, Drema calling Jamie a southern gentleman...haha, snort......

Apparently Biggie Red didn't tell mother that Jamie called her a cvnt.......

Why didn't Iris offer her mother and friend at tall glass of Homestead lemonade?

Raven welled up when he had to tattle on that POS, Matt...

Amber's boohooing caused Raven to cry ...it would have been better if Amber had cried on his shoulder but those stupid pillow wicker chairs do not lend to sharing one....

Raven and Amber are just friends...

When Piko was talking trash about smashing Deonna...

Greg pulled off his glove, smacked Piko across the cheek and challenged him to a duel....

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3 hours ago, lids said:

I think the key to Beth and Jaime’s disconnect is what her friend said at lunch - Beth needs affection and intimacy. Of course, Beth is not a genuine person and doesn’t know how to initiate affection and intimacy. She also likes to come off a exciting and fun, so she leads all her interactions with sexy-time moves - nakedness, inappropriate touching and words. Then when Jaime reacts sexually, she’s all, “I just want affection.” And Jamie thinks she’s being manipulative. She is being manipulative; but I don’t think she knows how to play it straight and she’s not a warm person, so she doesn’t engender warmth in her partners. Something about Beth’s upbringing is weird, like, why is she even sexual when soliciting affection from her father? She should figure out how to show warmth and vulnerability and then she and Jaime could communicate better.

Really good analysis.

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3 hours ago, sometimesjennifer said:

According to him, you cannot judge a marriage on whether or not it makes you happy. "Base your marriage on whether or not it's a valuable commodity that can take us to a desired goal." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HE TALKING ABOUT??

Good catch, he was saying some weird stuff.

I imagine....

Desired Goal = sticking together...which I think relates to commitment.  He said happiness comes and goes.

The other way to look at this is think about his job and "goals" - he wants a much higher success rate for these couples to be together long term.

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When Amber was packing for the last night apart before decision Day...you can see Matt, tapping his foot... texting his boys...

Order me some extra spicy wings and a light beer...as soon as wifey leaves I am outta here....

Ironic that Amber was the one to leave the Solis apartment......and not Matt, escape artist and ghost huzzy

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2 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Working upwards:

I think many young (even -ish) women and males might express themselves similarly. I mean, HAIR! Crowning glory and all that! Samson! An entire Broadway musical! "Gimme a head with hair--long, beautiful hair....!" Adults freaked OUT over the Beatles back in the day! "What do you call your hair?" "Arthur." If there were a way to reverse baldness? BILLION$$$!

Beth is "crazy"? Mayhaps, but which of the partners packed his wittle bag and left, TWICE, after calling his bride an execrable term? Also, there is no supporting evidence that Elizabeth has been anyone's "one-night stand." Deonna, OTOH.....

I missed those segments where Big Red "shits on the male participants on the show."

Beth often gets on her soapbox during Unfiltered against the male participants (Keith, Matt). 

And she absolutely does come off as nuts to me... if a man flipped a table, in such a manner, the backlash would be horrible. However, she wasnt really called out on it. She reminds me of my toddler niece. She talked over the Nascar guy with absolutely no self awareness, told Jamie on national TV that he is boring in bed (before his comments to her) and was absolutely shocked (shocked!) That he dared to comment negatively on her own sexuality. Who knows if she is into 1 night stands, but she definitely has few inhibitions and is cool with stripping naked on TV. 

 Also, the hair comment, it was her tone of voice when she said it, that I found grating. 

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4 hours ago, lids said:

she leads all her interactions with sexy-time moves - nakedness, inappropriate touching and words. Then when Jaime reacts sexually, she’s all, “I just want affection.” And Jaime thinks she’s being manipulative. She is being manipulative; but I don’t think she knows how to play it straight and she’s not a warm person,

NAHHHHHHHH! She initiates 'sexy-time' to have sex. Jamie said so. She doesn't want to have an argument or hear Jamie complain about sex, that's an OBVIOUS turn-off. Jamie just wants sex without romancing. All they needed to do was ask each other what gets them in the mood, how do they want sex initiated. Gosh, they couldn't even figure that out. They just whine about their inability to communicate. Hmm. How do I find out what I want to know?? It's IMPOSSILE!! So pathetic. Guess they should've gotten that fishbowl, like Greg & Deonna. 😂

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Note to Matt, even when you have a beard, you need to trim it up...especially everything creeping down your neck...

I love he tells his friend how Amber couldn’t deal with his “hanging out.”  Try DISAPPEARING for more than 24 hours!

Red really needs to invest in some foundation garments...with underwire.

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42 minutes ago, Lindz said:

... not affectionate, not romantic, doesn't cuddle, doesn't grow the relationship, doesn't connect emotionally, doesn't share his thoughts & feelings openly & clearly. Yup. Total package! 😉😂

I think he is not affectionate because Iris is sending signals to keep him at a distance.

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7 minutes ago, For Cereals said:

I love he tells his friend how Amber couldn’t deal with his “hanging out.”  Try DISAPPEARING for more than 24 hours!

If I recall correctly, even the friend kind of called him out on it.  He said something about Matt not texting her or something.  Sorry, I tend to slip into a catatonic state when Matt is on the screen.

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