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Celebrating 1,000 NCIS-franchise episodes

Community (LOL) Mafia

Lady Calypso

By Lady Calypso
in Primetimer Mafia Games

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MarkHB
MarkHB

* Hugs the invisible girl crying in the corner * Oh, and I'll have Maker's Mark, neat.

JayKay

JayKay

I will not stand for this injustice! Haven't we all had the misfortune of trying something new and being really bad at it? Like, really bad? Does that mean BizBuzz deserves to be expelled over it? I beseech you, fellow Greendalians, to spare BizBuzz and prevent some innocent rhyming dictionary from being abused in vain.

Humanity didn't make it this far by turning on each other at every chance. So why don't we stick with what works, and kill TCS first for no apparent reason.

1 The Crazed Spruce (JayKay), 6 to burn the bush *Jesus Abed theme plays*

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MarkHB

MarkHB

It's possible you all are expending too much energy on trying to make the lynches make sense. Think of LOL Mafia as a satire on all the SRS BSNS that "real" Mafia is. Victory is achieved not so much by lynching the villains as by how well you entertain each other (and me) with the "reasoning" and discussion behind the lynches! Think of it as if it's a Mafia game being written by Monty Python / Douglas Adams / the folks at Police Squad!

Jessie, mod kill me if you must, but if you can find a way to tie it into that photo you posted, I'd very much appreciate it. And if what you really secretly want involves the firm application of a hairbrush... That can perhaps be arranged ;)

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TJtrack99

TJtrack99

(edited)

There's also these images from the show, which are technically canon (though I believe it was a dream sequence?):

giphy.gifAnnie-and-Britta-britta-perry-29187064-5britta-annie-community-gif-collection-ch

 

Also, if we are still in the market for LOLs:

-Hey, have you met my new vegetarian girlfriend?

No, you probably haven't met herbivore.

-A priest, a rabbi, and a blonde walk into a bar, and the bartender says

"What is this, some kind of joke?"

 

And finally, a one-line joke that's also kind of horrible:

A baby seal walks into a club.

 

*waltzes out*

Edited by TJtrack99
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Lady Calypso

Lady Calypso

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(edited)

Episode Two point Five: Oh, The British Are Coming!

 

Act Four: Charge!

 

“Ok, so does everyone know their positions?” Jeff asked as they all gathered their weapons. Everyone nodded. “Good. Now, you do what you have to do and then meet in the study room, to do a head count. Got it?” Jeff asked. Everyone nodded. “Let’s do this!” Ian Duncan exclaimed and everyone turned to the British professor who seemed to appear out of nowhere. “Duncan, how did you get here without being seen?” Jeff asked his friend. “And where were you two acts ago?” Troy added. Ian shrugged, picking up a gun and accidentally shooting the wall behind Magnitude. “I’ve been hosting my own talk show. Sorry; now can we just get this show on the road, as you Americans like to chatter on about?” Ian asked. “We don’t say that,” Shirley said quizzically but they pretty much were used to the odd British man.

 

 

“Whatever, you say some odd things for Americans, I can’t always know what’s what,” Ian said, waving his hand dismissively. He raised his gun to the ceiling, once again misfiring as everyone ducked. “Now, let’s go win this game…or whatever we’re doing,” Ian said confidently before walking out of the room. Jeff glanced at his weird friend leaving before following suit.

 

Act Five: And So It Begins

 

The fight to the cafeteria was long and brutal, so by the time they all got there, Shirley’s hair was all matted, Troy’s pants were missing and Annie and Britta’s clothes were practically torn apart, much to the delight of Jeff and SVN Bob, as well as countless other males and lesbians.  Jeff led the pack, kicking open the door and storming right into the fortress where Chang and Pierce were at. Pierce just grinned at his old friend.

 

“Jeffrey, welcome! I must say, this is a surprise, coming right in and confronting us directly like this. We’ll give you one chance to retreat though, before we shoot you all,” he said lightly. Jeff scoffed. “Yeah, right. We’re not afraid, Pierce. We’re going to win,” he said. Pierce laughed. “No, you won’t. Because we have more resources than you do…” “Yeah, that’s right! Get owned!” Chang chimed in. All the minions of Chang stood around, laughing along with Pierce. Pierce raised a hand and all was silent. “You won’t win Pierce! You can’t win with Chang. Look at him; he barely knows Spanish. Why are you even working for him?” Britta called out. Pierce rolled his eyes. “I’m not working for him; he’s working for me,” he said slyly. “Now, let me show you what I mean. Now, Asian #2, go,” he called out and a single shot was fired. Annie flinched into Jeff, who had no issues holding her before a body fell to the ground.

 

“Noo! I’ve been shot. I’ve been shot! Bugger all!” Ian Duncan cried out in spectacular fashion. He pretended to die as he laid there, eyes closed. Jeff looked down at his friend. “Just stand up and go home, Ian,” he told his friend tiredly as Ian opened his eyes. “Oh…oh right. I probably have better things to do anyway. Cheerio,” he said lightly as he walked out of the cafeteria. Jeff turned toward Pierce, who just grinned. “Trust me, Jeff. Those warning shots will start hitting more and more people until it’s only one of you left. Who? I have no idea yet. Depends on my mood. Now, I suggest you leave before all these shots are fired into you,” he said. Jeff sighed, reluctant to admit defeat but seeing everyone else feeling dejected, he had no choice. He didn’t let go of Annie as he led them all out, back to their compound.

 

Expelled

Buddy: SVN Bob- NON-PLAYER. You just kind of hijacked the bar without permission so I had to get rid of you. But at least you're funnier than Jack Black on his good day.

Ian Duncan: BizBuzz- HERO. You constantly hit on underage girls and try to teach people lessons that don’t really matter. You don’t have any powers because nobody really likes you.

Enrolled:
1. Machiabelly
2. The Crazed Spruce
3. stacey
4. Athena
5. egavasc
7. TJtrack99
8. Lisin
9. JayKay
10. Silverstormm
11. TMunz
12. Dougal
13. photo fox

 

Sorry it's so short and not very funny, or good. Merr. The next one will be much better. There's one clue in the story. Get your night actions in ASAP and I can have the story up within 24 hours. 

 

....

...

...

Wow, I really don't like what I've written....I'll write an alternative chapter for when this round ends and I'll share it with you guys.

Edited by jessied112
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Meredith Quill

Meredith Quill

Poop, as this is LOLMafia and apparently we've been playing it wrong :/  I say let's go cRaZy and just do wacky Monty Python-esque stuff, damn the rules! Let's start a rebellion!

 

Sung to the tune of Galavant:

 

To be British was Biz’s dream ,
She’s the cat that got the cream,
Then she was lynched by us misguided fools,
Now we sit & cry, our eyes are never dry
Oh what a bunch of silly tools,
Now! As there’s so much to play for,
We must show, those Villains THE door,
Damn! That was not sublime,
We got it wrong this time,
Next round we simply must improve…

 

To unmask these villains bold,
And win the medal gold,
At discerning clues cryptic we-ee should scoff,
Perhaps instead, it should be consider-‘ED’,
That we simply tell them to-oo Feck off!
What! I say why not, it might be worth a shot,
What else have we got, I’m now lo-osing the plot,
I want the heroes to win so badly…

 

So! Here we go, c’mon and tally ho,
Let’s rally our forces and beat them,
No more clue reading, or heart bleeding,
We must stand fast and do our damndest,
In the face of adversity,
And whilst drinking tea,
We can do it chums,
Smash those no-good bums,
And end in vic-tor-y!!

 

:D

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TJtrack99

TJtrack99

(edited)

I present to you guys, the moment that I knew Community would be one of my favorites. Troy and Abed are trying to train their rat (Fievel) to respond to music, Pierce is helping Shirley with public speaking, and Jeff is helping Chang reconcile with his wife. And then this happens: 

Edited by TJtrack99
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formerlyfreedom

formerlyfreedom

My name is Machiabelly and I have a confession to make. Although it seems like it would be right up my alley, I have never watched an episode of Community.

 

The HORROR! It's like I don't know ANY OF YOU PEOPLE!

 

Well, actually, we just met, @Machiabelly. Since most of my alleged friends in this game have also not watched, you fit right in!

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Lady Calypso

Lady Calypso

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So...the bar is gonna be open a little bit later...again. Your favourite mod ever....ok, seventh favourite mod? Well, she got distracted by shiny things and she hasn't started writing. I kind of got watching various episodes of Community and lost track of time, so...slightly post poning the night until tomorrow. After my classes, I'll have the story up in the afternoon. If it's not up by 3pm...feel free to yell. Or do whatever. 

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SVNBob

SVNBob

*ignores the dancing and dodges the brawling on the way to a table*

 

*sets up a sign saying Student Advisor:  No Appointments Necessary on the table*

 

*sits quietly and waits*

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Lady Calypso

Lady Calypso

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Ok, just writing the story now, but let me know if any night actions haven't been responded to. I've been super scatter brained this last week or so, with school and having to get up early and such, so I haven't been fully here since, like, Saturday.

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Machiabelly

Machiabelly

*ignores the dancing and dodges the brawling on the way to a table*

 

*sets up a sign saying Student Advisor:  No Appointments Necessary on the table*

 

*sits quietly and waits*

I need advice. I have never been a hero before. I am having anxiety attacks over having to save the world. What should I do. I tried doing nothing and now I am fresh out of ideas.

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TJtrack99

TJtrack99

*ignores the dancing and dodges the brawling on the way to a table*

 

*sets up a sign saying Student Advisor:  No Appointments Necessary on the table*

 

*sits quietly and waits*

Assuming I survive the Night, you may have a walk-in :)

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photo fox

photo fox

*ignores the dancing and dodges the brawling on the way to a table*

*sets up a sign saying Student Advisor: No Appointments Necessary on the table*

*sits quietly and waits*

I thought you were expelled? Did jessie let you back in? Lol

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Lady Calypso

Lady Calypso

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(edited)

Episode Three: Friends Protect Each Other

 

Act One: Talk Show

 

“Troy and Abed in the MORRRRNINNNNNN’” the two best friend crooned into the camera that Garrett was holding for them. They were situated on the roof of the school, sitting in chairs. All around them were their comrades, prepping for the next battle in the horizon.

 

“It’s day 2 of the Great PWWIII, or Paintball World War Three and things are heating up. Both sides are almost evenly matched and it is a jungle out there,” Troy declared to the camera. The camera panned to Abed. “People are shooting left and right, getting caught in surprise attacks and planning elaborate traps which have backfired on most of them. Now let’s go with Magnitude with the weather. Magnitude?” Abed said as the camera cut to Magnitude standing on the edge of the room. The camera caught a glimpse of down below, where things were covered in colours of blue, red, black, yellow, green and other colours alike. Animals were running amok and people were lying, pretend dead on the ground (some of them thought it would be fun to keep up the charade, even though they could just go home and get some sleep or do something more productive with their lives).

 

Magnitude just shot the camera a grin. “POP POP!” he exclaimed, raising the roof. Everyone did it with Magnitude, causing the camera man to drop the camera, but he quickly picked it back up as Magnitude pointed back at Troy and Abed. The camera cut back to them. “Thank you, Lee Magnitude. That was very informative. Now, let’s take it to Britta Perry with more updates. Britta?” Abed asked as the camera spun around to Britta, who had her fake glasses on and a pencil in her ear.

 

“Thank you Abed and Troy. It is crazy out there. People are in desperate need of therapy after this, which I will hap-“ Britta started before the camera spun around.

 

“Thank you Britta. Now let’s go to Jeff and Annie, who have more updates,” Troy said, grinning.

 

The camera cut to Annie and Jeff making out in the stairwell.

 

The camera cut back to Troy and Abed. “Great update, thanks guys. Now let’s take our secret camera to the Chang Dynasty, where we have attached a camera to a goat,” Troy said. “Wait, what about me? Don’t you want to hear about how Jesus come-“ Shirley started to say before the camera cut to a blurry image of paper and the sound of the goat eating paper. “Goddamnit Billy,” Troy muttered as the camera finally shifted to Chang and a very familiar monkey, Annie’s Boobs along with Pierce. All of them seemed to be in deep discussion.

 

“We are going to get what we want! I will get City College’s special ice cream delivered to us secretly if it’s the last thing we do! We just need to sneak it in when nobody’s around! I WANT ICE CREAM! AHH!” Chang yelled as he ran around in circles like a child. Pierce shook his head, grabbing Chang by the shirt. “It’s just ice cream, man! You can get some when we win!” he said. “I WANNA USE THE SECRET TUNNEL THOUGH,” Chang said loudly before Annie’s Boobs jumped up and down, pointing at the goat. “Stop jumping, Annie’s Boobs. I know it’s a goat. Sorry you can’t be friends with another species but it’s not my problem,” Chang said before the two went back to arguing. Annie’s Boobs seemed frustrated and started approaching the goat, who wisely started moving away, cutting the camera feed.

 

“Well then…that’s all the time we have for today. Meet us back here tonight for a special edition of Troybed. TROY AND ABED IN THE EVENIN’” the two boys sang once more before the camera cut.

 

Act Two: Battle Royale…well not so Royale

 

It was a little bit later in the day and Annie and Jeff were back from their not-so-secret makeout session. Shirley was chatting with a few students about how Jesus is on their side and Dean Pelton was getting dressed up in a costume while staring at Jeff. Britta still had her glasses on while she was inquiring students about their health and wellbeing while trying to give them bad advice about handling the situations. Finally, Billy the goat came back with a note attached to its foot and Troy took it off gingerly, reading it aloud. “It’s from Chang. He says that he’s willing to talk to Jeff and one other person about a compromise, and to meet in the South wing in ten minutes,” Troy read out. Jeff stood up and Dean Pelton grinned, getting up as well. “This is what I’ve always dreamed about! It’s going to be a Craig-cellent team up!” he said but Jeff shook his head.

 

“I actually want Shirley to come with me,” he said, surprising a lot of people. “Me?” Shirley asked in her high pitched baby voice, pointing at herself. “Yeah, Chang seems to like you and if not, you can distract him with the word of God or your priest Father or whatever while I shoot him,” Jeff said. Shirley grinned as she picked up her gun. “Let’s do this,” she said. The two said goodbye to their friends, hoping it wasn’t the last time they would see them (of course it wasn’t) before they took off. 

 

Chang and Pierce were the only ones in the South Wing as the two entered. They kept their guns up. “Relax, Gay Hair and Shirley, we come in peace,” Pierce said loudly. He and Chang tossed the guns to the middle. “Do it, losers,” Chang instructed. The two did what they were told, despite their better judgement. “Now, let’s talk,” he said. “What do you want?” Jeff asked as the two stepped closer. “Oh, we’re distracting you, duh,” Chang said as they heard a loud scream coming from the other side of the school, to where their comrades were. “Nuh-uh, don’t worry about them,” Chang said as two minions came from above the ceiling, pointing guns. “Don’t move,” Pierce said, cackling. “We’re going to get revenge on you, Jeff Winger,” he said. “Shoot them,” Chang instructed before Shirley whipped out Chang’s machine paintball gun and aimed. “Do not come near him. I will shoot,” she said shakily, but holding the gun straight at them. “How did you-“ Chang asked before Shirley fired at the minions, who fell to the ground, exploding in sparkly glitter.

 

“You left your key at my place when you were stalking me that one time when I was pregnant. That was creepy, but it came in use last night,” Shirley said as she aimed at the two. Jeff just looked impressed. “Now, leave,” she instructed. Pierce sighed. “Damn, that was good,” he muttered as they slowly started to back away but suddenly a ninja appeared from the ground and kicked the gun away, holding Shirley back as one last minion aimed at Jeff and fired. Like a statue, Jeff was frozen before Dean Pelton came barreling in with a cry of anguish and jumped in front of him, getting hit in the chest with the paint.

 

“ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,” he cried out as he fell dramatically into Jeff’s arms. Jeff just decided to drop him and he fell to the ground. “I’ve…I’ve been shot. Jeff, kiss me before…I die….” He said dramatically, coughing as well and dipping his hand into the red paint on the ground and rubbing it on his face. “No,” Jeff said as he backed away. The ninja let go of Shirley and she ran back to Jeff as they stared at Dean Pelton, who reached out once more for him. “Please…Jeffrey….don’t leave me….I lo-“ he started before Jeff shot him with a paintball gun once more. Dean Pelton spluttered before going limp.

 

“Worth it,” Jeff said before looking at Chang and Pierce. “Yeah, this is war,” he said before him and Shirley frolicked away. Chang frowned, looking at his useless minion. “You should have SHOT HIM WHILE HE HAD HIS BACK TURNED! WHY DID YOU JUST STOP?” he screamed. The minion shrugged. “It’s not part of the story,” he answered. Chang just curled up his lip before Pierce rolled his eyes and shot the minion. “Dumbass,” he stated.

 

Expelled

Buddy: SVN Bob- NON-PLAYER. You just kind of hijacked the bar without permission so I had to get rid of you. But at least you're funnier than Jack Black on his good day.
Ian Duncan: BizBuzz- HERO. You constantly hit on underage girls and try to teach people lessons that don’t really matter. You don’t have any powers because nobody really likes you.

Garrett: SVN Bob- NON PLAYER. I told you to stay gone! Do I have to keep killing you? (butsecretlystaybecauseit'sfunny)

TMUNZ: Dean Pelton- SKETCHY HERO. You’re obsessed with Jeff Winger and costumes. You’re not the best dean for Greendale, but you care enough to want to save it. But mostly, it’s just Jeff. As a result, if Jeff is attacked, you do your duty and protect him, leading to your own demise. It’s a sacrifice you’re willing to take…hopefully Jeff appreciates it too.

 

Enrolled:
1. Machiabelly
2. The Crazed Spruce
3. stacey
4. Athena
5. egavasc
7. TJtrack99
8. Lisin
9. JayKay
10. Silverstormm
12. Dougal
13. photo fox

 

Ok, finally finished and I tried to be funnier. Did it work? I hoped it worked. I'm trying so, so hard to be funny. But I'm just not. WHY DID I TAKE UP AN LOLMAFIA WHEN I HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR? WHY? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?? 

 

Anyway...one clue in the story. I'll give you guys until Saturday at 8pm or Sunday at 12pm to finish any lynches or discussion or whatever. I'm not sure if I can have a story up tomorrow night but I can if there's no discussion. I do want this to be a faster game so I wanna speed things up. So...yeah. 

Edited by jessied112
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formerlyfreedom

formerlyfreedom

(edited)

Okay, so first, the important things. @SVNBob, where are you setting up for consultation?

 

For the non-Community watchers who need to get a vision of Paintball Wars, I find this to be an excellent synopsis. I will be re-watching Modern Warfare tonight, I think...

 

 

Damn, Jeff Winger is HAWT!

 

ETA: Also, there is a goat in this one, which is an animal, like @photo fox, but frankly, I'm still really suspicious of @The Crazed Spruce. Just because we always should be...

Edited by stacey
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TJtrack99

TJtrack99

Okay, first thing's first - what happened during the Night? It seemed that Shirley protected Jeff. But then DeanMunz "died" anyway...but then the action reads "if Jeff is attacked", which it seems he was...so I guess that works out?

 

The fact that the goat's name is Billy made me LOL. And the Dean's obsession with Jeff.

“Thank you Abed and Troy. It is crazy out there. People are in desperate need of therapy after this, which I will hap-“ Britta started before the camera spun around.

She Britta'd it! Of course, she also uses the word crazy...just saying...

 

ALL of the Clues (no way there's only one):

-"comrades" - several Communists (including Stalin) drew inspiration from Machiavelli. Or it could mean to look for a direct Russian name like Lisin. A DOUBLE CLUE. JESSIE IS TRICKY.

-Britta says "it's a jungle out there", which is undoubtedly a reference to "Queen of the Jungle" Stacey Solomon. And Solomon was very wise, so this is 100% the clue.

-The goat is almost assuredly a reference to the aegis, the goatskin shield held by Athena. Not to be confused with being ageist.

-"gingerly" - a reference to the red hair that foxes have. Or Emma Stone. Mmmmm. *mind wanders off*

-The South Wing is clearly a reference to The West Wing, and from that show it's only naturally to go to the President's son-in-law, named Doug. Of course!

-The Villains call a truce but it's all a ploy, something they could say JK ("just kidding") about. ROFL.

-The minions explode in sparkly glitter (!!!), which is almost certainly gold or silver. "Silver and gold..."

-The ninja is without a doubt a reference to the wrestler TJ Perkins. Not Ann Perkins.

-Jeff's back was turned, which means to look at the backwards name egavasc. I KNEW IT.

 

There. So what does this mean? It means that ALL OF YOU ARE VILLAINS. Even ME!! Ahhhhhhh! *runs and hides in his room*

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SVNBob

SVNBob

(edited)
Okay, so first, the important things. SVNBob, where are you setting up for consultation?

It's a shadowy corner of the bar.  I may be visible, but my...clients... have anonymity.  After all, consultations are typically a Private Matter, aren't they?

 

I need advice. I have never been a hero before. I am having anxiety attacks over having to save the world. What should I do.

The staff psychologist is at another table...  Or behind the bar, if you're lucky.

Edited by SVNBob
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