S03.E11: Secret, Secret, I've Got a Secret

[Rt66vintage]

11 hours ago, Hannah94 said:

This reminds me of a time in high school. I was good friends with a girl that was a bit overweight, nothing extreme, just big a little bit. I was built like a ten year old at that time, maybe weighed 90 lbs. (Sigh, miss those days) She had one sibling, an older, tall, skinny brother. Her parents were Snobby McSnobsters. She invited me over for dinner and they made these sandwiches, hot ham and cheese or something. They cut one in half and gave my friend one half and gave me the other half. They gave two full sandwiches to her brother and the parents each ate one full sandwich. To this day, I cannot believe how rude that was - not just to me but to my friend. People are rude assholes sometimes.

As far as the Ben dinner scene, no way in hell would I expect someone from another country to gladly inhale fish brains, even if it was something I enjoyed eating.  

I just love the first person stories on this forum.

I once visited some relatives when all my independent plans were thwarted by an older widowed uncle. No, you don't need a rental car, no you don't need a hotel. Basically I was kidnapped; I slept in his stinky RV in the backyard, promising not to use the toilet. At dawn I had to squat outside with the damn lawn sprinklers on. He worried himself sick when I asked to borrow his older sedan for a quick trip to the store. And then strangely, after returning from a day trip (not in his car), I discovered that he had thrown out my Boost & yogurt which was in his fridge. Oh, did I mention that I was 50 years old? Maybe I should have bought a gift.

Buck up Benjamin.

[MajorNelson]

5 hours ago, TwirlyGirly said:

2). Omar may have used the word "mahr" originally. Then the producers realized if Omar inserted a word in Arabic into the conversation, they'd have to translate it on-screen. Since there is no equivalent word in English, they'd have to translate it to "dowry"

Sorry...with all this dowry and mahr talk, but there is also the dower, which is money paid by the husband or his family.  My opinion is the producers translated mahr to the wrong English word.

[Drogo]

If you're posting about 90DF: The Other Way which was on last night, you're in the wrong topic. 

[cinsays]

17 hours ago, JunkFoodTV said:

I was really disappointed that Tim secret was a former girlfriend and NOT that he use to be a woman.

I think maybe he was but did not think it was important to mention, not a secret, just nothing major to tell her. He's a guy now and that is all that counts.   WRONG!

[Ki-in]

Akini, Fidel and Family Akini are awful and Benjamin needs to run as fast as he can.

Benjamin might have been a bit of a dolt not bringing anything, he probably was jet lagged and so befuddled by having to jump through hoops to please her and the family but they were the rudest hosts I have ever seen on this show. And that includes all of the Families Chantel, immediate and extended.

And fathers/brothers who are the gatekeepers of their sister's virtue vaginas are disgusting  throwbacks who need to be brought into the 21st century.  

I understand a family looking out for a member but they want to make sure she goes to someone who will pay them (and a virgin will get them more money). I doubt they care as much about her feelings or well being as opposed to what they will get out of it.

Ben might be a pasty, hairy and awkward but he seems sweet and he can definitely do better.

[mamadrama]

4 hours ago, magemaud said:

Today I’m getting ads for travel insurance 

Pretty soon we'll all be getting ads for CheapOAir. 

[mamadrama]

3 hours ago, Spike said:

It was odd that an airline flying from Ukraine to Cancun would have an American customer service agent named Noah.

It looked like horchata.

Also, didn't he say that the flight was 32 hours long, implying that there were several changes? It certainly wasn't a direct flight. 

If you go back and watch the scene of him "booking" the flight, he closes the page soon after clicking on the flight. It doesn't actually show him finishing the reservation. Yes, I actually went back and played it in slowmo. I clearly need a life. 

I have dirt on Roucelle and the club visit. Head over to "spoilers" and I'll spill. 

[Baltimore Betty]

4 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

Also, didn't he say that the flight was 32 hours long, implying that there were several changes? It certainly wasn't a direct flight. 

If you go back and watch the scene of him "booking" the flight, he closes the page soon after clicking on the flight. It doesn't actually show him finishing the reservation. Yes, I actually went back and played it in slowmo. I clearly need a life. 

I have dirt on Roucelle and the club visit. Head over to "spoilers" and I'll spill. 

Where do I find the spoilers?

[mamadrama]

1 minute ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Where do I find the spoilers?

Go to the "Before the 90 Days" main page. It's about 6 items down, more or less. 

[AnnaMayWong]

I’m sorry [not], Akinyi, her brother, and the lover of dark chocolate are creepy as f _ _ _ k. What’s his name needs to wean off the chocolate  craving for the time being and concentrate on providing for his son - - working, working, working and saving money. Akinyi, who i feel has experienced a prior psychological breakdown, needs to go back to her FairyTale-imaginings-while-viewing-American-TV shows and relax. 

Edited September 12, 2019 by BookElitist
CanNOT believe wrote Tail not Tale. Ugh.

[RealReality]

2 hours ago, Ki-in said:

Akini, Fidel and Family Akini are awful and Benjamin needs to run as fast as he can.

And fathers/brothers who are the gatekeepers of their sister's virtue vaginas are disgusting  throwbacks who need to be brought into the 21st century.  

I understand a family looking out for a member but they want to make sure she goes to someone who will pay them (and a virgin will get them more money). I doubt they care as much about her feelings or well being as opposed to what they will get out of it.

Ben might be a pasty, hairy and awkward but he seems sweet and he can definitely do better.

And that reasoning doesn't even make sense.  IF the idea was that they would protect akiyinis virtue it didn't require Ben to stay with Fidel.  

The same results could have been accomplished by someone always keeping an eye on akiyini.  Which shouldnt be hard since she lives with her parents and her sister.  

I think having to watch a grown woman because she apparently has no agency is odd IMO...but culturally, if the point was to protect akiyinis virtue, it didn't require Ben to stay at Fidel's place. 

And if the stated goal doesn't make any sense it makes me think that they want him there for another reason entirely. 

If the damned gift was that important she should have asked him about it in the cab.  They could have stopped at any random place and picked up something.  

[RealReality]

5 hours ago, Cammi said:

Their sister/daughter is expecting marriage from a foreigner she HAS NEVER MET before. Ben went online trolling for "hot chocolate" (HIS words), and Akinyi ALLOWED herself to be trolled. So obviously he IS the best she can do. He's not attractive. She isn't attractive either imo. Huge head, gapped teeth. Sorry, not sorry. She doesn't even act as if she LIKES him. Everyone knows this is an arrangement. So yeah, who are they to judge him? I'd say she is looking for a ticket out. He's it. Be grateful I guess. Or if she is so uncomfortable with his race, then say- don't lead him on. He's a socially awkward guy. If she didn't know this, then maybe spend time getting to know him. She should've introduced him to her mom. I've been invited places, where the hostess/host didn't introduce me to a soul, and as an introvert, this is a nightmare. It is beyond rude to expect a guest to introduce themselves. I get deer-in-headlights panic attacks, and have completely missed people around me lots of times due to my sheer anxiety. She is a bad hostess, and Ben obviously needs to be queued for manners when visiting.  I think her family was harsh, and I think she is a rude young woman. She obviously doesn't want to carry water home anymore, so she should be a bit nicer. This is not a love match. She's about a 3 where I live in comparison to other young women her age. Be grateful or send him home. 

Yes to all of this.  

She is plain, but knows her insta angles, has beautiful skin and does her makeup well.  But she has no neck, she has a decent body but nothing to write home about and she always looks upset or depressed.

I think she seemed genuinely happy to see Ben, so I don't know.  But this is likely her only shot at a guy who will think enough of her to want to spend the time and money to marry her.  I guess Fidel and father are going to extort what they can for the "bride price" but would be shocked if Ben couldn't negotiate it down considerably.  

I think many of these "rules" may be constructed to justify a higher "bride price" and Ben is exactly the naive mark they are looking for.  

[TwirlyGirly]

3 hours ago, MajorNelson said:

Sorry...with all this dowry and mahr talk, but there is also the dower, which is money paid by the husband or his family.  My opinion is the producers translated mahr to the wrong English word.

Correct. The difference between mahr and dower are explained in the link I provided in my first post (page 4) which I'll repost HERE .

19 hours ago, Kangatush said:

<snip>

Omar said dowry, but was really talking about a bride price.  And Terri did something smart for once by saying she'll ask for what his sister got.  He can't claim that's unfair, and it really does seem that his system is, unsurprisingly, set up in a wildly unfair way against the woman.

"The terms "dowry" and "bride price" are sometimes incorrectly used to translate mahr, but mahr differs from dowries in many other cultures. A dowry traditionally refers to money or possessions a woman brings forth to the marriage, usually provided by her parents or family; bride price to money or property paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman (but not to the woman herself) upon the marriage."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahr

"Bride price, bridewealth, or bride token, is money, property, or other form of wealth paid by a groom or his family to the family of the woman he will be married to or is just about to marry. "

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price

Mahr (and dower, also explained at the Wikipedia "mahr" page) are both paid to the bride. Neither are paid to the bride's family.

[Kelly]

Rebecca looked absolutely RIDICULOUS in the supposedly 'traditional' outfit to meet the parents.

I don't think Rebecca is attractive.  At all.  Yes, she could be MORE attractive if she styled herself differently.  I think her face looks odd in profile - very round and flat like a pancake with Mr Potato Head-like eyes, nose, mouth...

I know...I'll see myself out.  LOL

Edited September 11, 2019 by Kelly

[b2H]

On 9/9/2019 at 11:48 AM, humbleopinion said:

Attention potential suitors going overseas to meet their online soulmates...and of course your love bucket is to help you pick what is appropriate for her family member...

Bring bouquets of flowers, scarves, perfumed lotions to the older female family members...a big hit is vitamins manufactured in the US...think Costco sized bottles of Multivitamins...

Bring Special local sweets or special fruit, high class booze, or fancy cigarettes to the male  heads of family...

Bring name brand stuff like  Nike caps, NBA t shirts for boys, cute purses, makeup for the female teens...or cash is good....

 You must bring gifts...it shows a thoughtfulness and a thanks in advance for their hospitality...you want them to like you and  bribes are always welcome....

Never go empty handed...it is rude...Ben is blowing his chances with Akinky by stiffing the brother but especially the mother....that is unforgivable....

I cannot speak for Africa, but on a recent trip to Australia, nothing comes in; nothing goes out.  Customs will not allow foodstuffs to cross the border in either direction.

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, b2H said:

I cannot speak for Africa, but on a recent trip to Australia, nothing comes in; nothing goes out.  Customs will not allow foodstuffs to cross the border in either direction.

I cannot speak on Africa but I wouldn't buy a designer wardrobe for an entire family of people I don't know and don't have a connection to.... especially if I have a young child at home.  

But then again I also don't even think such a thing is expected in our country ...which is remarkably impoverished.  

Edited September 11, 2019 by RealReality

[MajorNelson]

6 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Also, didn't he say that the flight was 32 hours long, implying that there were several changes? It certainly wasn't a direct flight. 

I looked it up a week or two ago, I think there is one change, but a huge layover (7-8 hours).

Edited September 11, 2019 by MajorNelson

[humbleopinion]

Again, you would buy flowers, food locally...common sense, people.

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

Again, you would buy flowers, food locally...common sense, people.

I thought you said he was obligated to bring people Nike gear?  Those shoes are expensive even on sale for a guy who has a kid and isn't wealthy.

Anyways this is all easily solvable.....I'm sure akyini is a real catch and some local guy in her poor village will be able to buy her family all the things that are just culturally expected.

Unless of course they saw Ben and assumed he was a sucker with deep pockets and ginned up with their outrage over the culturally insensitivity of not bringing offerings to lay at the alter of akyinis family.  

I'm sure this is just one "mistake" of many that will result in a higher bride price.  

I wish he would just go home.  I suspect Akiyini and her family would change their disapproving tone very quickly amd all would be forgiven.  

Edited September 11, 2019 by RealReality

[trimthatfat]

I give Ben a pass on not having a gift to present. Upon landing, he thought he was going to an Air B and B. He was thrust into an odd situation with Akinyi’s brother and then told he was going to meet her family right away. Which gave him very little time to get his bearings. It was handled very sloppily. Imagine if the roles were reversed and she came to the US, planned to stay by herself, and was told she had to stay with Ben’s family. I would find that inappropriate. I also think Akinyi’s dad didn’t show up because he knew it’d be a shitshow.

I also think Akinyi should have formally presented Ben to her mother directly. I’m Haitian and I would never walk a man into my family’s home and expect him to just greet everyone. I would introduce him to each person in the room and talk about their relation to me. Akinyi handled this awkwardly and I can’t tell if it’s because she overwhelmed or immature. I am also curious as to what her brother said that made her want Ben to go away. I bet he said Ben was not good, rude, etc. which could be a fair assessment, but I still think Ben was in a lose-lose situation. 

To Ben’s credit, he ate the food presented to him. He didn’t attempt to tongue kiss Akinyi to get rid of it like the every classy Angela

Speaking of Angela, she’s showing the classic signs of an abuser. She tries to isolate Michael, told him not to work so she could provide for him, she accuses him of lying constantly, and she hits him as well as threatens him. If the roles were reversed, there’d be so much outcry. Michael, she’s not worth the ticket to the US. It’ll be worse here.

Edited September 11, 2019 by trimthatfat

[LilMissKnowitall]

On 9/10/2019 at 1:10 AM, RealReality said:

I have met family of s/o before and I generally don't bring a gift.  I don't know them and I think it's kinda presumptious and pandering.  I can't be bought with gifts and I would assume that if someone did that that they were trying to butter me up.....which I wouldn't like. 

For me it would depend on the circumstances; if they were having me over for dinner or a bar be que/party then for sure I'd bring something, most likely food/wine, but more as a hostess gift. I do that any time I'm invited over; but if they were meeting me out or coming to my house no I wouldn't whip out a present, it would seem weird. But I'd also ask my partner if there were any cultural norms I needed to abide by if that was relevant.

[RealReality]

22 minutes ago, LilMissKnowitall said:

For me it would depend on the circumstances; if they were having me over for dinner or a bar be que/party then for sure I'd bring something, most likely food/wine, but more as a hostess gift. I do that any time I'm invited over; but if they were meeting me out or coming to my house no I wouldn't whip out a present, it would seem weird. But I'd also ask my partner if there were any cultural norms I needed to abide by if that was relevant.

Agreed.  I'd probably bring something to like a party/dinner/BBQ.  And it would be food based but I know that I wouldn't want someone who was just coming over to meet me or hang out to bring me gifts...just because we met? 

And agreed, I think Ben knew that he was supposed to buy akyini a gift but he just forgot to do it.

To say that this somehow shows he doesn't care makes no sense to me at all...... transcontinental flights aren't cheap, he has a child he had to arrange care for, the flight must be long and annoying, he has a job he had to take time off of. 

To me all of these things show that he cares far more than some doodad and so for this to be such a major faux pas that it could possibly ruin his chances screams of invented hoops for him to jump through....which I suspect will only be resolved with money and more "gifts"

IF it was that important and akyini is invested in this relationship as much as Ben she should have been more proactive.  She had no problem springing it on him that he was staying at Fidel's house and giving him the 50 rules of dinner etiquette so she isn't a shrinking violet.  Why not make absolutely sure in the cab that he has her gift?  Evelin had zero problem telling Corey that they were bringing a recently deceased chicken to a family party, amd evelin doesn't seem to care at all. 

Edited September 11, 2019 by RealReality

[Mothra]

19 hours ago, mamadrama said:

Pretty soon we'll all be getting ads for CheapOAir. 

Or, as some genius in the live chat thread proposed, Delta Blow airlines.

I know, I know.  Wrong couple.  So sue me.

About Benjamin:  Remember that this guy is studying to be a preacher.  You know, the guy who has a friendly, open relationship with people, a large part of whose job is to put people at their ease.  He, of all people, should have better people skills than we are seeing.  He is terrified shitless, and it seems to me that he is not paying attention either to the words Kinky is saying to him or to the subtext of Impress My Family.  He is not behaving in a courteous manner, whether you judge him by US standards or standards of (choose your country because the idea of bringing a gift to your host, complimenting your host on a lovely home, saying how tasty dinner is, greeting the matriarch without having to be prompted, thanking her for her hospitality, etc. etc. etc. are universal). Of all people, a preacher, who will spend much of his professional life visiting parishioners in their homes, will involve all of these niceties, except bringing a gift.

He was not brung up right.  Or he is too terrified to remember his manners. 

And I agree, he could find love in the US.  I am puzzled as to why he needed to go overseas.

Edited September 11, 2019 by Mothra
...and another thing...

[Spike]

Tim shares with us that family is very important in Colombia.  What an exotic custom, all the other countries could learn something!

[Drogo]

Just now, Spike said:

Tim shares with us that family is very important in Colombia.  What an exotic custom, all the other countries could learn something!

(Other People's)Family is very important to Tim. 

[PinkFlamingo]

3 hours ago, LilMissKnowitall said:

For me it would depend on the circumstances; if they were having me over for dinner or a bar be que/party then for sure I'd bring something, most likely food/wine, but more as a hostess gift. I do that any time I'm invited over; but if they were meeting me out or coming to my house no I wouldn't whip out a present, it would seem weird. But I'd also ask my partner if there were any cultural norms I needed to abide by if that was relevant.

Agreed.  I bring food to get togethers that involve eating to share with all. My ulterior motive is so that I have something to eat when I am ultimately served weird or bad food. It happens in America too! 

In a group setting when food is being passed around the host(ess) is not likely to notice if you pass on or take a tiny amount of the ham hock with bacon and extra pork fat. 

Of course I have not been in the situation where someone feeds me some weird thing, and then all around wait to make sure you eat it - like this sadistic show. 

[HelloOutThere]

On 9/9/2019 at 10:15 PM, RealReality said:

Anyway while roucelle looked ridiculous, she seemed really down to earth and like a fun person to talk to. She seems like a good friend.

Not even joking - I think Roucelle should host the next Tell-All, in the same state as she appeared in then episode (I’m guessing at least 1 bottle of wine deep). She can’t be worse than Shaun “Who??” Robinson 🤷‍♂️ 

[RealReality]

35 minutes ago, HelloOutThere said:

Not even joking - I think Roucelle should host the next Tell-All, in the same state as she appeared in then episode (I’m guessing at least 1 bottle of wine deep). She can’t be worse than Shaun “Who??” Robinson 🤷‍♂️ 

I agree, I like roucelle.  She looks wacky a/f but she was entertaining and fun.  

And also, if tom is friends with a transgender woman that makes him so much cooler and interesting in my book.  I think a lot of guys intellectually have no problem with TG women, but I practice it's different.  

[Lady Iris]

On ‎9‎/‎10‎/‎2019 at 7:03 AM, humbleopinion said:

 Longevity wishes to your Momma on her upcoming birthday.

Your daughter is so lucky to have a granny that has a sense of humor and finds life lessons in trash teevee.

Tom is like a fragile flower...

Darcey is going to love him to death...

Bloody nose, swollen ankle, raw skin chewed off his lips, broken penis....

I regret that I can only choose one option because I like and laughed at your post.

[Honey]

I disagree that Ben wasn't "brung up right".  I was brought up right, and I would be telling the lot of them to go fuck themselves.  Ben is showing remarkable restraint.

Ben dear, go purchase some gifts..............then go home, and give them to your son.  Oh and don't forget the gift for the person who's watching him, even if it's your ex.

[Gobi]

I wondered if Ben was suffering from jet lag. That would explain a lot.

[iwasish]

On 9/9/2019 at 10:35 PM, Mrs. Hanson said:

I agree - that whole scene made me cringe as I was brought up in a family that could have, would have, and DID take in anyone, anytime for dinner and made them feel 100% at ease.  Lots of welcoming handshakes, perhaps a kiss on the cheek, plenty of food and drink.  So to see admittedly awkward Ben walk into that family......it made me feel sorry for his hairy back. and made me want to yell at the tv:  "Go back to that sweet son in Phoenix!!!  NOW!!!"  They should have been kissing his ass for taking her out of poverty to a place with, oh I don't know, paved streets and running water.

Aykini has done her part to fill Ben’s head with visions of being gawked at by the entire village as the only white man EVER seen there and possibly being chased away by her machete wielding father. Emphasized that any deviation from strict rules of etiquette might cause his rejection as a mate for her. That he will, if approved  as husband material, be required to pay a bride price of some unknown random number. He was clearly  un-nerved  by this information. 

As far as gifts I put equal blame on them. In all their conversations did she ever mention that it would nice if when he came over, to bring various and sundry products that are hard to find in her neighborhood? I work in an office and often hear coworkers with in laws or family in foreign countries say that prior to visiting they will make a “Costco” run to stock up on toiletries, socks, underwear, batteries, vitamins, Tylenol,  toothpaste  etc to bring. Ben, as a minister in training and just as a matter of common sense, should know to bring some small token gift for the family. Jeez, my own brothers knew enough as teens when invited to a girlfriends home to bring something.. for at least her mother, a small plant, a box of candy, a bakery item, a trinket of some kind. SOMETHING!!!

That said when inviting a “special guest” to your home or any place where they are meeting your parents/family for the first time, it should be you that brings that guest to your mom/dad and makes the introductions “Mom/Dad this is my friend    Ben, Ben this  is my mom, Mary and my father John.  They then exchange pleasantries and Ben hands over the “ gift”....  and the awkwardness slowly eases. 

If I were to serve a uniquely ethnic food that my guest not be familiar with, I would        explain what it is.., this is blah blah fish, we traditionally serve it with the head attached and it is eaten, that however is an acquired taste,  I will suggest that you try a bit of the fillet, it’s similar in taste to cod or salmon or whatever. I would also have some other meat or fish or even rice/pasta that they could fill up on. Courtesy extends both ways. 

Edited September 11, 2019 by iwasish

[zillabreeze]

9 hours ago, trimthatfat said:

Speaking of Angela, she’s showing the classic signs of an abuser. She tries to isolate Michael, told him not to work so she could provide for him, she accuses him of lying constantly, and she hits him as well as threatens him. If the roles were reversed, there’d be so much outcry. Michael, she’s not worth

I fully expected to see more comments like yours.  She does a lot of screaming, shoving and smacking on him.  I don't see her as any good old country rube, she's an angry abusive bitch.  All that carrying on about his going out on his birthday when she wasn't even in town?  WTF?  Every female in a selfie background gets him screamed at?

Typical controlling abuser gaslighting.  If he puts himself in the US totally dependent on her, it will be a living hell.  The first DV call at her house in Georgia is gonna get so spun around 180 and we know who's going to jail.  It won't be Ang.  

Poor Michael sure must have awesome delusions of the land of milk and honey to put up with that cow.  Loud hot and sweaty with all that nicotine eeking out her nasty wrinkles 🤮

In my perfect 90 Day fantasy, Ang is in Tunisia instead and jumps out attacking Muslim men over a tow truck issue.  That's my pay per view!

[Toaster Strudel]

On 9/10/2019 at 10:24 AM, mamadrama said:

That IS 2 different phones, right?

He exceeded his monthly 150 minutes and had to use the producer's phone.

[DiamondGirl]

7 hours ago, Spike said:

Tim shares with us that family is very important in Colombia.  What an exotic custom, all the other countries could learn something!

I wonder if ex-girlfriend also has a young daughter. 

[mamadrama]

It hadn't crossed my mind that Avery converting might have been subsequent to meeting Omar, but now that someone has mentioned it on here, I totally buy it. That DOES seem like something someone someone could do. I'm starting to wonder, though, if her whole storyline is being mostly fabricated. The whole "I'm moving to Syria" thing sounds like something that could be made up for dramaaaaa, and IMO some of the things her mother says sound rehearsed (not that some of her things aren't legit concerns, though). For all we know, they're happily married and he's packing up as we speak to move to the US. 

I actually like Omar. I like him better than Avery and her mother. I like Michael better than Angie. I wonder how things would've been if Mollie had met someone like Michael instead of the dingbat (can't remember his name at the moment). 

[Spike]

Does Omar just have that one blue checked shirt?

[HunterHunted]

11 hours ago, Mothra said:

About Benjamin:  Remember that this guy is studying to be a preacher.  You know, the guy who has a friendly, open relationship with people, a large part of whose job is to put people at their ease.  He, of all people, should have better people skills than we are seeing.  He is terrified shitless, and it seems to me that he is not paying attention either to the words Kinky is saying to him or to the subtext of Impress My Family.  He is not behaving in a courteous manner, whether you judge him by US standards or standards of (choose your country because the idea of bringing a gift to your host, complimenting your host on a lovely home, saying how tasty dinner is, greeting the matriarch without having to be prompted, thanking her for her hospitality, etc. etc. etc. are universal). Of all people, a preacher, who will spend much of his professional life visiting parishioners in their homes, will involve all of these niceties, except bringing a gift.

He was not brung up right.  Or he is too terrified to remember his manners. 

And I agree, he could find love in the US.  I am puzzled as to why he needed to go overseas.

Ben couldn't find love in America because American women correctly clocked his Black fetishism.

I agree that Ben was not brought up correctly because when Akinyi asked him about gifts, his response was "I ran out of time." It was not "I didn't know I was supposed to bring gifts." He knew he was expected to bring gifts. There are lots of gifts that he could have brought with him that aren't too expensive:

• He's planning on becoming a preacher. He couldn't stop at a LifeWay and pick up an illustrated Bible, Bible t-shirts, or biblical games.
• Black hairstyle magazines and hair accessories.
• A region 1 DVD player and DVDs. You can find a DVD player for under $30. Best Buy, Target, and Walmart all have discount DVD bins. The Dollar Tree sells DVDs for $1.
• He could have brought OTC medication that is hard for her family to get.
• He could have brought products that are too expensive for her family, but might be cheaper in the US and in his price range.
• He could have picked up some coffee table books about America and Arizona.

It really isn't that hard and doesn't have to be expensive. Ben freaking knew he was expected to bring gifts and did nothing to rectify his mistake. He had many opportunities to do so:

• In the Phoenix airport, he could have picked up Phoenix themed knick knacks at one of the many shops in the airport.
• He could have picked up gifts at any of the shops at his layovers.
• He could have picked up gifts at one of the 6 duty free shops in the Nairobi airport.
• He could have told Akinyi that he forgot the gift. He could have asked her if there was somewhere he could get some gifts. He could have picked up some nice pieces of lace or George fabric.

It's not incumbent on Akinyi to remind him to bring a gift and have good manners. Ben is an adult. He is in his 30s. Even in America, it's thoughtful to bring your hosts gifts. This isn't some weird African concept. The problem is that Ben was so focused on rubbing up on his hot chocolate that he couldn't remember to be decent and courteous.

Aside from the AirBnB and not giving Ben more of a heads up, I have no problem with Ben staying with Fidel for awhile. We have watched most of the foreign families have the American suitors and suitresses stay with the foreign family for a day or two to suss the American out. It's not that weird that they wanted Ben to stay with Fidel. I probably would have objected to staying with Fidel for more than 1 or 2 days.

Akinyi could have done a much better job of introducing Ben to her family, but once again he's being so weird because he's so fixated on them saying yes to the marriage and not having enough money for the bride price. He has tunnel vision.

I get the sense that Akinyi hasn't dated much, not because she doesn't have prospects. She lives in Nairobi not some tiny village. Nairobi has more than 3 million people. It's twice the size of Phoenix. She's also cute and more so in Kenya where people haven't internalized fucked up racist Western beauty standards; for example the  tooth gap is considered beautiful in parts of Africa. I get the sense that she's a little silly and sheltered and that's why she's not being a little more assertive with introducing Ben to her family.

13 hours ago, trimthatfat said:

Speaking of Angela, she’s showing the classic signs of an abuser. She tries to isolate Michael, told him not to work so she could provide for him, she accuses him of lying constantly, and she hits him as well as threatens him. If the roles were reversed, there’d be so much outcry. Michael, she’s not worth the ticket to the US. It’ll be worse here.

3 hours ago, zillabreeze said:

I fully expected to see more comments like yours.  She does a lot of screaming, shoving and smacking on him.  I don't see her as any good old country rube, she's an angry abusive bitch.  All that carrying on about his going out on his birthday when she wasn't even in town?  WTF?  Every female in a selfie background gets him screamed at?

Typical controlling abuser gaslighting.  If he puts himself in the US totally dependent on her, it will be a living hell.  The first DV call at her house in Georgia is gonna get so spun around 180 and we know who's going to jail.  It won't be Ang.  

Poor Michael sure must have awesome delusions of the land of milk and honey to put up with that cow.  Loud hot and sweaty with all that nicotine eeking out her nasty wrinkles 🤮

Angela is a classic abuser through and through. Michael wants to come to the US, but it cannot be with Angela. She'll be thrice as bad once he's in the US. She'll lock him in the house. She'll take the cable modem with her to work each day. She'll put key loggers on the computers. She'll put a parental lock on his phone to keep him from accessing Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any social media. It will only get worse. The US is not worth it.

[zillabreeze]

19 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

She'll lock him in the house. She'll take the cable modem with her to work each day. She'll put key loggers on the computers. She'll put a parental lock on his phone to keep him from accessing Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any social media. It will only get worse. The US is not worth it.

Not only do all those things, but every time she gets pissed, she'll say something to the effect of "I brought you here", "I own you" or threaten him with ICE.

[SemiCharmedLife]

On 9/9/2019 at 4:14 PM, Annymin said:

So.... I am half embarrassed to admit that Tim's beauty routine intrigued me so much that I had to order those gold under eyes patch thingies.  Amazon Prime is the devil, ya'll.  They will arrive tomorrow and I'll let you know if they work.  After all, if Tim uses them and shares them with Jeniffer, they must be magic.  

Too bad Benjamin didn't think to pack a few sets of them for host/hostess gifts!

[Mu Shu]

On 9/10/2019 at 12:39 PM, Cementhead said:

I'm shocked that no one is getting ads for Thierry Mugler's Angel yet.  Because I swear I could almost smell it coming through my screen while watching Darcey marinade herself in it and while reading the comments about it here.  A whiff of perfumed laden fake fur and latex but perhaps it was just my imagination.  They are probably embarrassed as a brand and are hoping we all soon forget that it's Darcey's perfume of choice.  

Don't forget to pack the chocolate drawers!

People claim they know how to wear Angel. The only way to wear Angel is to NOT wear Angel. I am sorry Angel lovers, but you all smell like mildew, cotton candy, sweaty balls, and a faint whiff of Ben gay. That shit is funk. 

[magemaud]

9 hours ago, HelloOutThere said:

Not even joking - I think Roucelle should host the next Tell-All, in the same state as she appeared in then episode (I’m guessing at least 1 bottle of wine deep).

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you're in love with her. You can't, can you?" 

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, Mu Shu said:

People claim they know how to wear Angel. The only way to wear Angel is to NOT wear Angel. I am sorry Angel lovers, but you all smell like mildew, cotton candy, sweaty balls, and a faint whiff of Ben gay. That shit is funk. 

Ha ha, lady on the treadmill today next to me was wearing angel for.....reasons?  

One spray is fine....BUT you also habr to watch angel cause it can turn bad before you know it and the scent is weirdly magnified.  

I no longer wear angel, but don't think it's a bad winter fragrance.  I think I just got tired of smelling it because EVERYONE was wearing it for a minute.  

[Hannah94]

7 minutes ago, RealReality said:

Ha ha, lady on the treadmill today next to me was wearing angel for.....reasons?  

One spray is fine....BUT you also habr to watch angel cause it can turn bad before you know it and the scent is weirdly magnified.  

I no longer wear angel, but don't think it's a bad winter fragrance.  I think I just got tired of smelling it because EVERYONE was wearing it for a minute.  

I had never heard of it before this show. But why in the hell would someone wear it while working out? Ewww, combined with body sweat, that has to be a terrible smell.

[HaaCHOO]

2 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

Angela is a classic abuser through and through.

She should be arrested...and TLC should be considered an accessory before and after the fact!   Would TLC broaddast a show if a male were treating a female like that?  ... oh, probably.

Can you imagine what she does at work in the hospice or convalescent center???

Edited September 12, 2019 by HaaCHOO

[Hannah94]

6 minutes ago, HaaCHOO said:

She should be arrested...and TLC should be considered an accessory before and after the fact!   Would TLC broaddast a show if a male were treating a female like that?  ... oh, probably.

Right, that seems to be a theme with this show. Females being physically violent with males. Ashley hitting and pushing Jay around. Grangela hitting Michael. Jennifer threw a glass of something at Tim. If the roles were reversed and the men were doing these things to the women, shit would hit the fan. So why is it ok for females to be abusive, especially right out in the open on national tv?

Edit: I just realized this is a Before the 90 Days thread, sorry. Jay and Ashley are from (Un)Happily Ever After, I believe. I really have a hard time keeping all these morons on their respective (note: respective, not respectable) shows.

Edited September 12, 2019 by Hannah94

[magemaud]

10 minutes ago, Hannah94 said:

Right, that seems to be a theme with this show. Females being physically violent with males. Ashley hitting and pushing Jay around. Grangela hitting Michael. Jennifer threw a glass of something at Tim. If the roles were reversed and the men were doing these things to the women, shit would hit the fan. So why is it ok for females to be abusive, especially right out in the open on national tv?

Edit: I just realized this is a Before the 90 Days thread, sorry. Jay and Ashley are from (Un)Happily Ever After, I believe. I really have a hard time keeping all these morons on their respective (note: respective, not respectable) shows.

The female violence towards the male theme transcends all the iterations of the 90 Day Franchise. One of the first abusers was Anfisa and it's been a recurrent theme since the original 90 Day days

[mamadrama]

I'm imagining the outcry if Creepy Mark had handed Nikki a pair of handcuffs and ordered her to get her pants off immediately after landing in the US. Or Old Dude #1 bragging about Abby's sexual prowess to his buddies. Or ANY of the men yelling at the women the same way that Grangela yells at Michael. 

Seriously, I'd start a petition to keep Angela in Africa and bring Michael back to the US in her place, except Africa as a whole has never done anything to me so why should they be punished. 

As the board's resident redneck/hillbilly I feel the need to apologize for her behavior. We may crumble our cornbread in bowls of milk, cook under the mantra of "anything can be fried", and keep our Christmas lights on all year long (from Jan-Nov they're "party lights"), but most of us DO possess some kind of intellect and decorum. 

[RealReality]

2 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

Ben couldn't find love in America because American women correctly clocked his Black fetishism.

I agree that Ben was not brought up correctly because when Akinyi asked him about gifts, his response was "I ran out of time." It was not "I didn't know I was supposed to bring gifts." He knew he was expected to bring gifts. There are lots of gifts that he could have brought with him that aren't too expensive:

• He's planning on becoming a preacher. He couldn't stop at a LifeWay and pick up an illustrated Bible, Bible t-shirts, or biblical games.
• Black hairstyle magazines and hair accessories.
• A region 1 DVD player and DVDs. You can find a DVD player for under $30. Best Buy, Target, and Walmart all have discount DVD bins. The Dollar Tree sells DVDs for $1.
• He could have brought OTC medication that is hard for her family to get.
• He could have brought products that are too expensive for her family, but might be cheaper in the US and in his price range.
• He could have picked up some coffee table books about America and Arizona.

It really isn't that hard and doesn't have to be expensive. Ben freaking knew he was expected to bring gifts and did nothing to rectify his mistake. He had many opportunities to do so:

• In the Phoenix airport, he could have picked up Phoenix themed knick knacks at one of the many shops in the airport.
• He could have picked up gifts at any of the shops at his layovers.
• He could have picked up gifts at one of the 6 duty free shops in the Nairobi airport.
• He could have told Akinyi that he forgot the gift. He could have asked her if there was somewhere he could get some gifts. He could have picked up some nice pieces of lace or George fabric.

It's not incumbent on Akinyi to remind him to bring a gift and have good manners. Ben is an adult. He is in his 30s. Even in America, it's thoughtful to bring your hosts gifts. This isn't some weird African concept. The problem is that Ben was so focused on rubbing up on his hot chocolate that he couldn't remember to be decent and courteous.

Aside from the AirBnB and not giving Ben more of a heads up, I have no problem with Ben staying with Fidel for awhile. We have watched most of the foreign families have the American suitors and suitresses stay with the foreign family for a day or two to suss the American out. It's not that weird that they wanted Ben to stay with Fidel. I probably would have objected to staying with Fidel for more than 1 or 2 days.

Akinyi could have done a much better job of introducing Ben to her family, but once again he's being so weird because he's so fixated on them saying yes to the marriage and not having enough money for the bride price. He has tunnel vision.

I get the sense that Akinyi hasn't dated much, not because she doesn't have prospects. She lives in Nairobi not some tiny village. Nairobi has more than 3 million people. It's twice the size of Phoenix. She's also cute and more so in Kenya where people haven't internalized fucked up racist Western beauty standards; for example the  tooth gap is considered beautiful in parts of Africa. I get the sense that she's a little silly and sheltered and that's why she's not being a little more assertive with introducing Ben to her family.

I guess people are the products of their upbringing because I cannot see what Ben has done that is so wrong/inexcusable.

Akiyini was mad about the gift because it showed her that Ben "wasn't thinking of her".....he flew 9k miles, paid for an Airbnb, will fly 9k miles back, paid for an international plane ticket, arranged for child care, took off time from whatever job he has......and this wasnt enough for akyini to know that he was "thinking of her?". She really needed that doodad?  Without it he cannot possibly care for her?  Spending time and money he barely has wasn't enough?  She bought him a snap on bracelet, he has spent at least  $1000 that must have been a financial sting, but akyini is the injured party?

I don't think Ben is abnormally fixated on the bride price I think he is fixated on the numerous rules set forth at every turn and hoping he leaves Africa with both his kidneys.  

America, Africa, Australia....no matter what continent I'm on that sitiation is weird and serves no functional purpose.  

I do not think I can remember a situation where a participant was told "no, you booked a hotel (Airbnb) and we just met like an hour ago but I'm going to need you to stay in someone's house that you don't know and I will be staying elsewhere.  Also if you don't impress this person you've never met I can't be with you"

Who knows, maybe Ben was planning to get the gift after he got to his Airbnb, showered and had a few minutes to step outside.  

And while it was clear that akyini had told Ben that he was expected to bring her a gift, if it was so important she should have reminded him.  Not even because it's her duty, but because she should want to see this relationship work and he may have had no idea that she was going to wait until her entire family was staring at them to publicly request her gift.  If I knew it was going to be this big moment, id double check.  

She launched into a Ted Talk about where Ben needed to sit and how much to eat, but she couldn't have reminded him about the gift?  

And he had no idea he was being hosted by Fidel.  He appeared to have no idea what was on the schedule at all.  It's like he finds out he is a) staying with someone he doesn't know and b) going to a dinner without much advance notice and while he is processing all this he should be thinking about what gifts and prizes he needs to provide them?

And the underlying notion that they can't like him and he can't be considered good for akyini unless they get gifts and prizes...goodness.  

Tim brought stuff for Veronica and jenniffer, but at no point was that ever presented as an expectation.  And he sure wasn't expected to bring stuff for her grandparents.  

I'd agree that bringing something to dinner is reasonable, but other than that, her family is owed exactly what he gave them. Nothing.  

if I was basically kidnapped and forced to stay with someone I didn't ask to stay with so he could "keep an eye on me" I don't consider him a host, I consider him a detention officer.  I'd show appreciation for a host I asked or agreed to stay with.  But with Fidel....nah.  

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, Hannah94 said:

I had never heard of it before this show. But why in the hell would someone wear it while working out? Ewww, combined with body sweat, that has to be a terrible smell.

It was.....not ideal....I kept hoping one of us would just die.....or finish our workout. 

The scent is very strong and sweet.   If you get a chance and youre in a Macy's or a Nordstrom or a Dillard's (my sister said that the fancy store in Reno) you should take a whiff and see what you think.  They might have it at Sephora? 

I'd spray it in the air and not on the skin because you will be smelling it the rest of the day.  You get more bang for your buck for sure.