S02.E18: Nice for What

[ElectricBoogaloo]

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Zoey, Ana and Nomi realize that they've been too nice to their significant others at their own expenses. They each take a small stand for their own happiness, resulting in some changes to their relationships.

Original air date: 7/17/19

[Empress1]

Oh, Ana. I wasted a lot of time in a situationship in my 20s pretending I was cool with keeping it casual with someone when I wasn't. It played out the same way Ana and Aaron did (minus the drama - we just met at a party): we hung out and hooked up for a while, we had the "what are we doing?" talk and I said I wanted to be exclusive, he didn't, and we called it off ... for a few months, until he reached back out.  In my defense, he was a fuckboi who messed with my head (it was one of those "we do everything people in a relationship do, including say I love you [which he said first]  except call it a relationship" things, and when I would call him on it he'd be like "but we're not in a relationship!"), but still I should have cut it off and stuck with it as soon as he said he didn't want to commit. Ana is saving herself more pain by cutting it off for good.

And Nomi (whose red lip was on point), this shit on the low is not what you want. Glad she called the professor on it.

I wish somebody WOULD offer to make me a raisin margarita.

[HunterHunted]

I wish Nomi told her professor girlfriend that Zoey had actually seen them at the hotel and hadn't blown up their spot. But more than anything, I wish that Nomi had told her professor girlfriend that prof had sold this idea about out sexuality that was coupled with this high-minded ideal of salons filled with smart women  discussing any and everything and wasn't able to deliver on any of it. It's just quick hook ups and then Nomi has to leave when when shit gets interesting and good.

Oh And. She needs to just avoid Aaron totally for a decent amount of time.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

It's fairly common for young people (high school/college age) to bend to what their partner likes/wants, and from what I remember of relationships in general at that time, it's really common for girls to do that. I think compromise and being open to new things is always good, so it's great when you get to try new stuff because your boyfriend/girlfriend introduced you to something that you never heard of or never thought to try (like new food or a new hobby). But there is definitely a line between that and always doing what the other person wants.

For all of Luca's (supposed) laidback attitude, he can be particular and set in his ways. He wants to stay home, get high, and watch tv. When he gets hungry, he has food delivered. I can understand why that doesn't seem like a fun way for Zoey to celebrate something, especially since that's what they do all the time. I was glad when she decided to go do exactly what she wanted without guilt tripping him into going. Just because you're dating doesn't mean you have to do everything together or spend every second of the day together. You're allowed to like different things and you're allowed to do stuff without the other person!

I was really glad that Nomi finally realized how bad things were with her professor. Is it really a relationship when it's a secret and you have to sneak around and you can't be seen in public together? I understand why Paige is paranoid about anyone knowing (because at a lot of universities, you can lose your job for dating a student), but that's exactly why SHE SHOULDN'T BE DATING A STUDENT. The constant lying to her colleagues every time Nomi showed up, her anger that Nomi had the audacity to discuss her personal life with her friends, and the fact that they met only when it was convenient for Paige were all signs that this was not a good relationship.

As for Ana, I'm glad that she finally admitted that she does want a relationship and that hooking up with Aaron isn't enough for her. I have no issue with people who want to be friends with benefits, but in all the times I've seen that happen, more than half the time there is one person who wants to be FWB and the other person wants a relationship so they just keep hoping for it to transition into that eventually. When a person tells you that they just want to be FWB, believe them. Don't expect them to change their minds. Don't hope that you can make them want to be in a relationship or that if you stick around long enough, it will become more than FWB. Accept what they told you at face value and base your decision to stay or go on that (as opposed to what you wish they had said).

[MelloYellow]

Zoey standing up for herself? Great.

Nomi dumping the creepy professor? Awesome.

Aaron & Ana experiencing karmic retribution? The Best,

[Empress1]

3 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

When a person tells you that they just want to be FWB, believe them. Don't expect them to change their minds. Don't hope that you can make them want to be in a relationship or that if you stick around long enough, it will become more than FWB. Accept what they told you at face value and base your decision to stay or go on that (as opposed to what you wish they had said).

I would amend this slightly to say that when someone tells you they don't want to or can't be in a relationship with you, believe them - even if it means you have no romantic or sexual contact, or any contact with them at all. "I'd be a bad boyfriend." "I've sworn off relationships until after med school." Whatever it is, take them at their word. Don't probe further, don't ask why, just keep it moving. They are ALWAYS telling the truth. It took me a while but I learned to live by Maya Angelou's quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" and once I did, life got easier. I've never understood why people want to be with people they have to talk into it - we should all be with people who choose us enthusiastically.

I thought it was interesting that Ana finally got that Aaron didn't want to be with HER, not that he didn't want to be in a relationship period - had Zoe chosen him, he'd be in a relationship with her right now. If someone else comes along that he wants to commit to, he will commit to her. I've seen it a million times. Doesn't mean she's not worth committing to, doesn't mean their connection wasn't real, but he's not for her.

4 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

I understand why Paige is paranoid about anyone knowing (because at a lot of universities, you can lose your job for dating a student), but that's exactly why SHE SHOULDN'T BE DATING A STUDENT.

Exactly. I suspect Nomi will look back on this once she's gotten some more distance and think "that was really fucked up." She was dead right when she called out Paige's hypocrisy.

[tennisgurl]

I am so glad that Nomi finally realized how toxic her relationship with her professor was and ended it. She was clearly giving up so much of her life to be the dirty little secret of a woman who shouldn't be sleeping with a student in the first place! I mean, the reason she wants to keep Nomi a secret is because she knows its wrong, and thats it. The nerve of her to tell Nomi she "betrayed" her, I am thrilled that Nomi called her out. 

I was also happy that Ana was honest with herself and Aaron, she clearly wants a relationship with Aaron and he doesn't want one with her, and it would just be sad watching her waste her time pining over a guy who isn't into her that way.

A raisin margarita sounds interesting, I want to try one!

[ljenkins782]

On 7/19/2019 at 11:26 AM, Empress1 said:

I would amend this slightly to say that when someone tells you they don't want to or can't be in a relationship with you, believe them - even if it means you have no romantic or sexual contact, or any contact with them at all. "I'd be a bad boyfriend." "I've sworn off relationships until after med school." Whatever it is, take them at their word. Don't probe further, don't ask why, just keep it moving. They are ALWAYS telling the truth. It took me a while but I learned to live by Maya Angelou's quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" and once I did, life got easier. I've never understood why people want to be with people they have to talk into it - we should all be with people who choose us enthusiastically.

I thought it was interesting that Ana finally got that Aaron didn't want to be with HER, not that he didn't want to be in a relationship period - had Zoe chosen him, he'd be in a relationship with her right now. If someone else comes along that he wants to commit to, he will commit to her. I've seen it a million times. Doesn't mean she's not worth committing to, doesn't mean their connection wasn't real, but he's not for her.

I can't really blame Ana for hanging onto the idea that they were in a relationship, they practically blew up their entire social circle to be together. It makes some sense that she'd see that as evidence that he was into the relationship. 

I'm liking Aaron less and less in general, this episode was a particularly bad look for him.

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For all of Luca's (supposed) laidback attitude, he can be particular and set in his ways. He wants to stay home, get high, and watch tv. When he gets hungry, he has food delivered. I can understand why that doesn't seem like a fun way for Zoey to celebrate something, especially since that's what they do all the time. I was glad when she decided to go do exactly what she wanted without guilt tripping him into going. Just because you're dating doesn't mean you have to do everything together or spend every second of the day together. You're allowed to like different things and you're allowed to do stuff without the other person!

There's never really been an equal power dynamic between Luca and Zoey. Honestly, there's probably never going to be an equal power dynamic between Luca and anyone because his entire vibe seems to be self-centered. 

It always seems like Zoey's tap dancing around his moods and trying to arrange things so that she can get what she wants (or something close to what she wants) without Luca having to do anything he doesn't want to do.

So I liked seeing her just go off and do her own thing.