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S04.E05: 99 Problems but a Chef Ain't One

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A recording artist charters Sirocco to shoot a music video and uses the crew as her production assistants; Jack begins to develop feelings for Aesha; Colin has a bout with the anchor chain that could leave Sirocco stranded.

Airs July 1, 2019.

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The titles of the last 3 episodes make it clear they really want to milk the Chef problems over the first half or third of the season.

Lends more credence to the theory that it was a producer scam, to have a bad chef to cause drama.

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12 minutes ago, scrb said:

The titles of the last 3 episodes make it clear they really want to milk the Chef problems over the first half or third of the season.

Lends more credence to the theory that it was a producer scam, to have a bad chef to cause drama.

It’s not like they came up with thentitles before the show started. I imagine if Mila wasn’t such a hot mess we would see a lot more than we are getting about what a lazy ass Jack is and more grow stuff from Aesha. 

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They may or may not have planned it going in, with the people they cast.

Even if they didn't plan it, they could see from the footage which events generated the most drama.

Then they could edit and title it to fit after the fact.

But they don't leave it to chance.  They probably have a good idea of what will cause tensions, confrontations and they know they can edit these situations in such a way as to draw in viewers.

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11 minutes ago, scrb said:

Even if they didn't plan it, they could see from the footage which events generated the most drama.

Then they could edit and title it to fit after the fact.

Well of course that’s literally how reality shows are made.

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19 hours ago, scrb said:

But they don't leave it to chance.  They probably have a good idea of what will cause tensions, confrontations and they know they can edit these situations in such a way as to draw in viewers.

It helps that they can mix and match footage, so if you see a cut from one place to another that seems like a "meanwhile...", the second scene may not have even been filmed the same day.

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If Ben walks through the door after the firing of Mila, I will 100% buy into Mila being a 

plant GIF by Michael Shillingburg
 
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So they need a stew to run the kitchen for one more charter and Hannah immediately starts bitching about being down a stew.  Way to be a team player Hannah! 

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Super convenient that they have both a stew AND a deckhand who have been some type of chef.

This primary is a douche. 

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Is it me? It seems like Captain Yaawwnn gets more camera time in one episode than you see of Captain Lee all season. It’s probably because I’ve seen enough.

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Good for Anastasia, we all know this whole "chef" thing is production driven but at least her meals are making me hungry and not want to spit it out into a napkin.

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🎆 Sandy gets a clue and sends Mila back to Siberia.  Go lick some raw meat, then microwave it, bitch.

I was so hoping Ana can pull this off. And Travis has experience too, who knew!  "Somewhere a Taco Bell needs a chef"  LOL.  Smart (and mature) of her to not party and get to work.

The boyfriend was super supportive.

Hey Chef Barfy, this is how you do Tex-Mex.  I was in Mexico City decades ago and the food was great, but nothing like you get in the US.

Still loving weird Aesha.  Tough losing a brother at such a young age.  Her mocking the video queen was hilarious.  Rap is not my thang.

Enough of the mangina talk.  I missed most of that conversation and think I should be grateful for no subtitles.

New charter guests are a bit strange.  Not a fan of gnocchi, but Ana makes the primary happy with it.

I totally get how she is a ball of nerves, yet "getting off" on pulling it all together.  Then she kills breakfast, until the toaster catches fire.  oops!

The weather and Sandy totally messing with the deck hands.  

That anchor chain looks ugly.

Edited by PaperTree · Reason: vodka typos
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Recording Artist Ashley. Where was New Jersey's Moolania's friends Tay Tay and Stephanie for that video shoot?

And XTina wants her look back from two decades ago.

And it looked like Mila stole some knives on her way out. Good riddance.

Edited by rustyspigot
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44 minutes ago, Mr. Minor said:

Sandy you are suppose to be the leader of this shit show.

Have they ever fired someone at end of charter and not had an immediate replacement.?

Lets pretend to believe the fiction that Sandy is doing the hiring...

She can't find a chef, so she puts both interior and the deck one person down.

So I guess she can't get a stew or deck hand for one charter either?

Moving the boat after the crew moved it at night, was a person down, and had already put out the toys didn't seem like a smart move even if the scenery was prettier.  It felt like they were pushing for drama/trouble with that.  Sandy should have made someone aware that this was her intent if that was her plan.  It seems like Colin is going to take the blame for that one with the anchor coming on deck.

Its odd how much Colin seems to dislike being there.  I wonder if he didn't really want to come back or if Travis/Jack are more awful than we've seen so far but it hit the cutting room floor because of Mila.

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Travis and (especially) Jack are lazy knuckleheads but adorable ones. 

Woohoo Anastasia! Poor girl was a bundle of nerves but she aced it!  Hannah, get a clue. That’s what a team player looks like. I hate Hannah more every episode with her whining and complaining. She’s perpetually miserable and bitchy! The rest of the crew should get to split her share of the tip.

Poor Colin isn’t having fun.

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17 minutes ago, ParadoxLost said:
1 hour ago, Mr. Minor said:

Sandy you are suppose to be the leader of this shit show.

Have they ever fired someone at end of charter and not had an immediate replacement.?

Lets pretend to believe the fiction that Sandy is doing the hiring...

She can't find a chef, so she puts both interior and the deck one person down.

So I guess she can't get a stew or deck hand for one charter either?

I believe a chef could be hard to find on short notice.

3rd stews and deckhands, not so much 🙂 

eta: Sandy "agonizing" over what she will cook next.

Every charter tells you mostly what they want to eat.  Ana can read 🙂 

Edited by PaperTree
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Ba bye Mila.  Good for Anna for doing a great job.  I don't think any of them were particularly bitchy.  It seemed more like they were all just tired.

I laughed when they were variously making fun of that rapper doing the video.

Aesha on the night out - girl, not cool. 

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I feel like Captain Lee would be moving the boat, in the middle of the night, and then moving it again in the morning. He doesn't seem to do things for drama's sake.

So happy Mila got fired first thing so we didn't have to look at her and listen to her the rest of the episode.  Sandy finally did something I approve of.  Or, i guess it would be Captain Sandy to me.  

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Finally no more Steak licking Mila. Joao seems to have matured since last season. I say this because he hasn’t snapped at Jack yet for being perpetually lazy. I understand waking your Bosun up and by extension the rest of the deck team up to move the boat due to the weather, what I don’t understand is stressing them out more just because you want the little princess to have a better shot for her video. Really Sandy?! The deck team is functioning with only two people (because Jack is useless), without a peep from them but Hannah is whinnying about being a Stew down, she must have missed the teamwork memo.

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9 minutes ago, Pop Tart said:

I’d argue that while the deck hands have short, very physical bouts of work, the stews are doing the harder job. They are working pretty non-stop from beginning to end of their shifts. Before the guests are up they have to set up for breakfast service, then they serve drinks and breakfast, then clean up after the meal, then have to get into the bedrooms to get them cleaned, do laundry, then set up for lunch service and do it all again at dinner. They’re making about 50 trips (only a slight exaggeration) up and down those stairs, often carrying something.

I’m not suggesting the deck crew don’t have hard stuff too, but you’ll notice that when they get all the toys out, they’re the ones who have time to jump on the trampoline or ride a jet ski. You never see the stews hanging out with the guests. It’s clear that the deck crew have spare time as one of them is usually assigned final kitchen cleanup at the end of the night, even when they are fully staffed, and that’s because the stews need to get to bed and do it all again the next day.

So Hannah’s comments about extra work didn’t seem at all like whining to me but statements of fact. She wasn’t bitching about others just saying she was tired. I think it’s interesting that Jack, who is pretty universally acknowledged as being lazy, including by the crew, is considered adorable. But Hannah who is responsible for a smooth-running, friction-free experience for the guests is whining.

I get that the stews work hard, I’m just saying she’s not the only tired person. As far as Jack is concerned there’s nothing adorable about his lack of work ethic.

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Oh the irony of Sandy talking about testing J-Wow’s leadership skills.  I’d like Captain Lee to come on board and evaluate Sandy’s.  I bet he’d give her a tip and a plane ride home.  

#Fail

#CameraWhore  

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I did think Travis was hot until he did the man-gina. No thanks. 

Aesha is playing a dangerous game with her behaviour at the club. She's lucky there was a camera crew around them. 

Anastacia is impressive, but doubtful that she had no culinary training. I'm going with producer driven fake storyline. So far, she's my fav crew member. 

Hannah always looks like she's just sucked on a lemon. Sour-faced twat. 

Sandy is so thirsty that there isn't enough water in all the oceans to satisfy her quest for camera time. I'm waiting for the show to be renamed: Below Deck with Captain Sandy. 

I was throughly entertained by the Instagram thot gansta wanna-be rapper. Honey, you're no Missy Elliott. Good thing your obnoxious Father has money. The son "Dr. Daniel" reminds me of Eric Trump but with more chin. 

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3 hours ago, TexasGal said:

Super convenient that they have both a stew AND a deckhand who have been some type of chef.

 This primary is a douche. 

It’s not really that uncommon for people who work in certain aspects of the service industry and yachting to do it for the travel to have picked up a variety of jobs and skills. We have seen it in past seasons and there has even been some who had skills that we didn’t see. I bet anything that Travis took his job working on a cheap backpackers boat even though it paid next to nothing in order to be able to get his passage with room and board paid for and it’s super common. The turnover is high so if you have an outgoing personality, your there and your not afraid to let lack of skill experience stop you from doing the work a tons of these sort of jobs can be found. 

Edited by biakbiak
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3 minutes ago, Barbara Please said:

Anastacia is impressive, but doubtful that she had no culinary training. I'm going with producer driven fake storyline. So far, she's my fav crew member. 

I have no problem believing it. She grew up in a kitchen and than has cooked on a boat before because it was she was stew/chef because her boyfriend was the captain. Tons of people are self taught or rather are good cooks without having culinary training just as there are tons of people who have had culinary training who suck.

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7 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

I have no problem believing it. She grew up in a kitchen and than has cooked on a boat before because it was she was stew/chef because her boyfriend was the captain. Tons of people are self taught or rather are good cooks without having culinary training just as there are tons of people who have had culinary training who suck.

IDK, I’m going with producer antics.  Sure, a lot of people are self-taught, but there’s a lot more to the job than just cooking. Reviewing the guest preferences, meal planning in advance, ordering provisions...  Sandy asked Anastasia to step up to the role less than 24 hours before the guests arrived.  That would be tough for any chef, let alone a third stew/cook-with-no-experience.  I’m not buying it.  

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9 minutes ago, LotusFlower said:

cook-with-no-experience.  I

But she isn’t a cook with no experience she has said from the first time she met Mila on the first episode she worked as the “chef” (her quotes) on a charter catamaran with six to eight guests which is about what she is doing here. She is just nervous because it was more low key though she did also say she did sit down plated dinners and because this is a “super yacht” (quoted mine because this shit is low rent) and the expectations are higher are why she is so nervous. The provision sheets are like a paragraph or two and she they have a list of suppliers.

And as much as the guests and Sandy raved about it a good risotto shouldn’t be holding its shape like that and her gnocchi was fairly typical of a home cook.

Edited by biakbiak
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Those guests.  They’ve behaved nicely but they seem to always have some hook.  On this one the blonde daughter with corn rows is filming a rap music video and that Eric Trump son is creeping on Hanna.

But I guess this is TV.  The crew has to always be rolling their eyes or play along with whatever weird request the guests supposedly have.

If it ever involves the crew putting on funny getups like togas and performing for the guests, it just has to be a TV show thing right?

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I don't know if Eric is "creeping" on Hannah. He actually looked embarrassed by his father's antics. He might not have had anything to do with the "proposition" his father made to Hannah.

Edited by Leia1021 · Reason: Don't know name of the Doctor son, so just used "Eric."
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Are the Hell's Kitchen editors running the cut of this episode?  I haven't seen this much risotto drama outside a Gordon Ramsay show!  

For any of you BtVS/Angel fans, the primary could have been Holland Manner's younger brother.

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9 hours ago, PaperTree said:

Her mocking the video queen was hilarious.  Rap is not my thang.

Rap is not my thing either, but even I can tell that was SAD. Her facial expressions were completely dead. 

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risotto followed by gnocchi? Love both but I think Marcela Hazan would be rolling in her grave. One or the other followed by a meat course is far more traditionally Italian (and less carb heavy besides). I know the gnocchi included pork belly but still....

And do people really eat dinner at 10:30 pm? I'd be a failure as a boat guest.

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10 hours ago, Emmeline said:

I wanted to dislike these guests, but so far they have been very gracious.

Gracious, but that girl doesn't have much of a career in music ahead of her.

I hope that Anastasia is being paid a chef's salary for this charter.  She had a day's warning and managed to do a good job.  I'd have eaten anything we saw plated this episode.  One quibble.  Those enchiladas looked more like smothered burritos.  Big honkin things, but the guests seemed to love them.

So, how many charters will it take before the lads can manage to deploy and retrieve that slide?  Is it worth even putting it out?  Do people use it more than the once for the novelty of it?

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8 hours ago, LotusFlower said:

IDK, I’m going with producer antics.  Sure, a lot of people are self-taught, but there’s a lot more to the job than just cooking. Reviewing the guest preferences, meal planning in advance, ordering provisions...  Sandy asked Anastasia to step up to the role less than 24 hours before the guests arrived.  That would be tough for any chef, let alone a third stew/cook-with-no-experience.  I’m not buying it.  

I worked as a cook in the military for 2 years. I had 8 weeks of training. I had to do all of the above with the exception of presentation.   A team of 4 of us had to feed hundreds of people and most everything was cooked from scracth, believe it or not. 

I  think i could have done what she did with my 8 weeks of training and some time in the mess hall. I would have struggled with presentation but i could have pulled-it off. Learning timing is the hardest of all and that doesn't really come in a classroom. It comes from doing. But i am also passionate about cooking and am constantly learning new things. You have to have that passion. I actually didnt see that in Mila. I see it in Aanastacia

eta, I saw in another post that she did work in a similar but lower pressure  position on another boat. That is probabky where she got the timing down

Edited by JennyMominFL
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9 hours ago, biakbiak said:

Tons of people are self taught or rather are good cooks without having culinary training

Indeed - it's the whole premise behind "Master Chef."  

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1 hour ago, queenjen said:

The guests are Bravo whores. They were last seen on Shahs of Sunset when Reza 'cut a lot of cheque' - I think it was 500k - without Adam's knowledge or consent. The Funsches were the people who manufactured Reza's Diamond Champagne Alkaline Silver Seaweed Hair line that is going to fund his and Adam's retirement. Remember them anyone? I remember thinking at the time what a freakin weirdo Mr Funsch is and there was a lot of talk about deserving the lifestyle and a big echoey tacky AF mansion that looked Sheree Whitfield furnished. We all knew that Reza wasn't going to see his 500k back as soon as we met the Funsches. We didn't get to meet tonedeaf daughter Funsch and the doctor son was probably chained up in the basement where he needs to be. For Hannah to run from a single doctor on a Super Yacht, he has to be emitting some weapon grade serial perv vibes. 

Beyond obsessing over the phenomenon that is The Funsches at their leisure and especially poor Mrs Funsch and the lack of attention she receives, I think Anastasia did beautifully. As a cook, i felt for her and i think I'd have behaved like she did : the nerves, the unfortunate cockiness. Anastasia's response was normal. Mila was unnatural. The woman wasn't just 'not a chef' she is also not even a cook. 'What for to do with this calcium clad oval object i see sitting with 11 identical others, i wonder? '. 

Sandy remains unimpressive. Mila needed to be told what a time wasting tip jeopardising asshat she truly is.

OMG - I thought those Funches looked familiar, but couldn't place them until your keen eye connected the dots to Reza.  Thanks!

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3 hours ago, dleighg said:

risotto followed by gnocchi? Love both but I think Marcela Hazan would be rolling in her grave. One or the other followed by a meat course is far more traditionally Italian (and less carb heavy besides). I know the gnocchi included pork belly but still....

And do people really eat dinner at 10:30 pm? I'd be a failure as a boat guest.

Co-sign on this one. I’m a respectable home cook, and I thought two heavy starch courses was gag inducing. 

Balancing your menus is really, really important. I know the primary came down late and asked for gnocchi on the fly, but then Anastasia needs to rethink and plan again. A salad or a cold soup or even standard antipasto to start would have been preferable to the starch fest.

I’m glad they liked it and it and think Ana did well, but was a little surprised by her menu choice. 

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Was anyone waiting for Capt Sandy to say "Mila please pack your knives and go."?

And risotto followed by gnocchi?  Yikes - These people are going to sink to the bottom of the ocean on that.

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2 minutes ago, Chickabiddy said:

Co-sign on this one. I’m a respectable home cook, and I thought two heavy starch courses was gag inducing. 

Balancing your menus is really, really important. I know the primary came down late and asked for gnocchi on the fly, but then Anastasia needs to rethink and plan again. A salad or a cold soup or even standard antipasto to start would have been preferable to the starch fest.

I’m glad they liked it and it and think Ana did well, but was a little surprised by her menu choice. 

I think Anastasia was thrown a curve when the Primary came into the kitchen and specifically asked for gnocchi when she had already started prep for that meal.  Yes, she should have skipped the risotto at that point but given what a ball of stress she was by then it was probably better than she didn't change both courses.

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1 minute ago, terrymct said:

I think Anastasia was thrown a curve when the Primary came into the kitchen and specifically asked for gnocchi when she had already started prep for that meal.  Yes, she should have skipped the risotto at that point but given what a ball of stress she was by then it was probably better than she didn't change both courses.

Sure, but Risotto is a very tricky, persnickety dish to get just right. Reference: HK.

She could have just made the same salad she did before when Mila was helping her.  It was a hit or he first time. This would have reduced her stress even more. It was a rookie mistake that just made her life harder.

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4 hours ago, dleighg said:

risotto followed by gnocchi? Love both but I think Marcela Hazan would be rolling in her grave. One or the other followed by a meat course is far more traditionally Italian (and less carb heavy besides). I know the gnocchi included pork belly 

I was thinking the thing. Too much starch. 

On the other hand I would be in heaven because these are my two favorite dishes.

She is doing a great job but I have a question. They are in France and French Food is among the greatest cuisines in the world. Why have we not seen any French dishes this season?

I have seen Mexican food several times and the only French thing I have seen is French Fries. What’s up with that?

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40 minutes ago, terrymct said:

I think Anastasia was thrown a curve when the Primary came into the kitchen and specifically asked for gnocchi when she had already started prep for that meal.

I imagine that's a big part of it. Especially when these charters are for a ridiculous 48 hours or so-- maybe this is the only dinner the guy is getting so she has to give him his gnocchi. In a reasonable world she could say "of course-- I'll make you gnocchi tomorrow!"

Does anyone actually charter a boat for a day and a half or 48 hours? Or is that just BD world?

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27 minutes ago, langford peel said:

They are in France and French Food is among the greatest cuisines in the world. Why have we not seen any French dishes this season?

Since they are in France, the French food the guests could get onboard wouldn't equal what they could get on land, so they probably didn't include it in their preferences. They did include Mexican.

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