S09.E03: Don't Kiss On the First Wedding Night

[PityFree]

The new expert lady is terrible at reading her cue cards.

[Mercolleen]

"DID HE TOUCH YOUR BUTT?" Really, Elizabeth?

[LennieBriscoe]

The bloom will be off the Amber/Matt rose the first time she makes a 3-pointer over his head. Hee.

Jamie was "tired." Are we in Euphemism City?

I'm not feelin' both the wrap and glasses on Iris. One or the other,  maybe?

Deonna and Greg: I at 69 years of age and over 40 years of marriage have never used a bathroom simultaneously with a man.  N to the HELL NO!

[Gem 10]

18 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

There's my silver hottie Dermot Mulroney!  

I loved him in Wedding Date.  Sexy.

[retired watcher]

Elizabeth's dad is beyond creepy. And her mom just ignores it. Run Jamie, run.

[Ohwell]

I wonder when these reality show people do the voiceovers?

6 minutes ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Deonna and Greg: I at 69 years of age and over 40 years of marriage have never used a bathroom simultaneously with a man.  N to the HELL NO!

And no way will anybody see me brushing my teeth on tv.  

Also, I just hope and pray that Iris doesn't pee and poop on tv.

[Mercolleen]

7 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

And no way will anybody see me brushing my teeth on tv.  

People brushing their teeth make me gag.

[LennieBriscoe]

Daddy Elizabeth is disturbed and disturbing. Was Elizabeth made to do the "mouth on face" with HIM? Shudder. 

[Gem 10]

11 minutes ago, retired watcher said:

Elizabeth's dad is beyond creepy. And her mom just ignores it. Run Jamie, run.

The Mother Just sits there and let’s him blabber nonsense.  She should tell him to shut up or ship out.  What a dousch he is and she’s a puppet.  Doesn’t she have a voice?

Edited June 27, 2019 by Gem 10

[LennieBriscoe]

Amber,  girl, keep up with your bridal makeup. J/S.

[humbleopinion]

Quote

16 minutes ago, Mercolleen said:

"DID HE TOUCH YOUR BUTT?" Really, Elizabeth?

Was it less or more creepy than when Daddy touches it?

[PityFree]

Did they just have to blur out Elizabeth’s nipples???

Edited June 27, 2019 by PityFree

[Brooklynista]

Dag Deonna, you can't even give Greg "smitten"? Geesh. She's a touch rigid.

[Adeejay]

Iris and Elizabeth's dads need to chill.  Their attachment to their daughter doesn't seem natural.  

 My husband and I went to Antigua for our honeymoon.  It is my favorite island in the Caribbean. When we heard that its sister island, Barbuda was Princess Diana's favorite, we just had to take a day trip.  Barbuda has some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and the people are warm and friendly.  In my humble opinion, Antigua and Barbuda are the shiniest jewels in the Caribbean crown. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by Adeejay

[Soup333]

E’s father probably gave her that “little number.”  

[Brooklynista]

1 minute ago, PityFree said:

Did they just have to blur out aElizabeth’s nipple???

She has bruises on her knee. Maybe they started the honeymoon earlier than we think.?

[Mercolleen]

1 minute ago, Brooklynista said:

She has bruises on her knee. Maybe they started the honeymoon earlier than we think.?

Ha! Was just going to post that!

[Soup333]

I almost hate to say it but...Greg needs a woman like Jasmine. She would have ate those compliments up! Deonna needs to let her guard down just a smidge and actually give this a chance. 

ETA: I’m ONLY referring to Jasmine’s willingness to cuddle/be affectionate. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by Soup333

[Gem 10]

19 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

I wonder when these reality show people do the voiceovers?

And no way will anybody see me brushing my teeth on tv.  

Also, I just hope and pray that Iris doesn't pee and poop on tv.

I hope not as that is private.

Im probably the only one that likes Elizabeth.  She’s quirky and fun, and I loved the black nightie.  They are married, so go for it and have a blast.

Deonna is a little too serious.  She’s too stiff and looks like a downer.  You’re 30 yrs old, on your honeymoon, so lighten up and have some fun.  Have some wines.

[Soup333]

Elizabeth’s personality makes her extremely unattractive to me. 

[Adeejay]

Deonna is starting to remind me of Jasmine.  I am going to need her to chill. Greg strikes me as a decent guy AKA good husband material. I hope she doesn't blow it. 

Why is Keith on here?  Did he lose a bet?  He is tall, dark, handsome, seems nice and is  gainfully employed.  In other words, the full package.  Doesn't make sense. 

[endure]

How cruel and stressful having the spouses meet up alone with the in-laws after the wedding night?  I don't recall this other seasons.

[ShowFan]

Elizabeth’s father is a textbook failure of a parent. Doesn’t get more classic than that

[VioletNevermind]

I purposely waited until the very end of the show to form my final opinion on Elizabeth.  I wanted to be 100% fair.  She is absolutely nauseating to me.  She’s phony, over-sexed, and hideously self-centered.  I don’t think I could spend 10 consecutive minutes with her without wanting to strangle her.  I don’t think Jamie is much of a catch either, but he’s 90s-era Johnny Depp next to Elizabeth.  He must be one desperate guy to find her so incredibly “hot.”  It’s not a question of if their relationship will crash and burn, it’s when.  

Edited June 27, 2019 by Suzy Rhapsody

[sarkygal]

32 minutes ago, PityFree said:

Did they just have to blur out Elizabeth’s nipples???

And not for the first time. She’s trying too hard to get a z-rate tacky spinoff and become insta famous. She’s too old for MTV and bachelor nation so we’re stuck with her and her creepy dad. 

[OnTime]

2 hours ago, Straycat80 said:

2 hours ago, PityFree said:

 Did they really just write Iris’s profession under her name onscreen as “27-year-old virgin”?

I noticed that too. And Amber is ‘the tomboy’. 

It's not their professions, it is the stupid "titles" they have given them.

Jamie is "Mr. Picky".

Edited June 27, 2019 by OnTime

[2727]

First Elizabeth's dad jokes about hoping her husband doesn't have a small penis, then gets angry when he sees Jamie kissing her. Pick a lane, dude.

Sorry, Deonna. You need to date yourself for a few more years until you get yourself to unclench. Poor Greg.

[sarkygal]

43 minutes ago, Brooklynista said:

Dag Deonna, you can't even give Greg "smitten"? Geesh. She's a touch rigid.

I thought they were evenly matched in terms of attractiveness and I like his sense of humour. She’s definitely immature and it will really test his humour and patience. 

If you’re so terrified to date you’d rather marry a stranger, you can’t treat him like a guy hitting on you at 7/11. I predict I won’t like her very much. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by sarkygal
Test is not rest

[OnTime]

24 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

Why is Keith on here?  Did he lose a bet?  He is tall, dark, handsome, seems nice and is  gainfully employed.  In other words, the full package.  Doesn't make sense. 

Hmmm, maybe he didn't get picked for The Bachelorette???

[sarkygal]

20 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

Why is Keith on here?  Did he lose a bet?  He is tall, dark, handsome, seems nice and is  gainfully employed.  In other words, the full package.  Doesn't make sense. 

Looks like we’ll get answers next episode.

I’m more curious as to why Iris is on here. She’s model beautiful, employed and seems to place a lot of value on marital intimacy. Her motives make the least sense out of everyone. I don’t believe she wouldn’t have found a “godly” respectable partner on her own and lost her prized virginity without the intrusive cameras of a 3rd rate reality show with a high failure rate of successful matches. 

[Soup333]

So far I like Greg, though I feel like Deonna is standoffish and may not allow their relationship to develop. I hope I’m wrong. 

I have hope for Iris and Keith but I think his mother has the potential to be messy. Wonder if he has any siblings. 

Amber is very immature. I think Matt is being nice but I don’t know that he’s really into her. 

Elizabeth and Jaime have about as much chance as a snowball in Hell. Elizabeth and her father will be fine though. He’s her first and last love anyway. I find her to be extremely fake and over the top. I’m not sure if she’s playing a role or if it’s who she actually is all the time and she doesn’t have enough self-awareness to realize how she comes off. Either way I hate it. 

[Soup333]

45 minutes ago, ShowFan said:

Elizabeth’s father is a textbook failure of a parent. Doesn’t get more classic than that

Can you elaborate? How is it a classic example?

[topanga]

1 hour ago, Gem 10 said:

Im probably the only one that likes Elizabeth.  She’s quirky and fun, and I loved the black nightie.  They are married, so go for it and have a blast.

Big Red is actually starting to grow on me. I really liked her on Unfiltered. She was still perky but wasn’t quite as manic as usual. And her observations were very insightful. 

But on the main show? I think she feels the need to perform, and boy, does she. 

I like Jamie, too. I’m just not convinced they’re right for each other. But for now, they’re both all in. Despite Elizabeth’s creepy dad. 

1 hour ago, LennieBriscoe said:

I'm not feelin' both the wrap and glasses on Iris. One or the other,  maybe?

LOL. I liked seeing both of them unmasked and wearing glasses. 

So far, they’re my favorite couple. Keith is just about perfect. Why is he on this show, and when will I be able to see his flaws? Iris is a bit on the hyper side, though. I initially felt offended for her when Keith’s mother offered her Adderall. But now that I think about it...

32 minutes ago, 2727 said:

Sorry, Deonna. You need to date yourself for a few more years until you get yourself to unclench. Poor Greg.

I think Deonna is more nervous than anything else. But I’m afraid the prickly way she’s expressing that nervousness might push Greg away. And he’s a good guy. 

1 hour ago, LennieBriscoe said:

The bloom will be off the Amber/Matt rose the first time she makes a 3-pointer over his head. Hee.

Maybe I’m wrong, but Amber seems way more into Matt than he is into her. Could be the height difference, or maybe it’s because she’s been acting very child-like since they met each other. Giggly and silly. Like a teenager. Matt was probably expecting a woman. Although it is hard to tell what Mr. Mumbles is thinking most of the time. I still want to know why he stopped speaking to both of his parents. 

Edited June 27, 2019 by topanga

[OnTime]

21 minutes ago, sarkygal said:

Looks like we’ll get answers next episode.

I’m more curious as to why Iris is on here. She’s model beautiful, employed and seems to place a lot of value on marital intimacy. Her motives make the least sense out of everyone. I don’t believe she wouldn’t have found a “godly” respectable partner on her own and lost her prized virginity without the intrusive cameras of a 3rd rate reality show with a high failure rate of successful matches. 

I'm more curious as to why she agreed to let the producers exploit her and script this show? It should have been something she told Keith privately.

Guess the producers are trying to keep up The Bachelor, Colton.

[Gem 10]

6 minutes ago, topanga said:

Big Red is actually starting to grow on me. I really liked her on Unfiltered. She was still perky but wasn’t quite as manic as usual. And her observations were very insightful. 

But on the main show? I think she feels the need to perform, and boy, does she. 

I like Jamie, too. I’m just not convinced they’re right for each other. But for now, they’re both all in. Despite Elizabeth’s creepy dad. 

LOL. I liked seeing both of them unmasked and wearing glasses. 

So far, they’re my favorite couple. Keith is just about perfect. Why is he on this show, and when will I be able to see his flaws? Iris is a bit on the hyper side, though. I initially felt offended for her when Keith’s mother offered her Adderall. But now that I think about it...

I think Deonna is more nervous than anything else. But I’m afraid the prickly way she’s expressing that nervousness might push Greg away. And he’s a good guy. 

Maybe I’m wrong, but Amber seems way more into Matt than he is into her. Could be the height difference, or maybe it’s because she’s been acting very child-like since they met each other. Giggly and silly. Like a teenager. Matt was probably expecting a woman. Although it is hard to tell what Mr. Mumbles is thinking most of the time. I still want to know why he stopped speaking to both of his parents. 

What I’d like to know is out of all the applicants, why did they match a 7 ft. Giant with a petite 5 ft. Girl?  It’s ridiculous.

[humbleopinion]

Unfiltered: JamieO, Elizabeth, Keith, Matt

Matt was disappointed Amber was ultra shortie...and embarrassed with the PDA

Keith was relieved Iris wasn’t ug.

Eliz was mostly worried she would be paired with a short guy.

She was a good panelist. 

Matt’s family would have brought toxic, negative energy so he decided not to invite them.

A non eventful Unfiltered.

[Gem 10]

48 minutes ago, sarkygal said:

I thought they were evenly matched in terms of attractiveness and I like his sense of humour. She’s definitely immature and it will really test his humour and patience. 

If you’re so terrified to date you’d rather marry a stranger, you can’t treat him like a guy hitting on you at 7/11. I predict I won’t like her very much. 

She reminds me of an old lady.  No fun in her.  Too rigid.

[humbleopinion]

Deonna is defensive, walled off and Greg annoys her...

Feeling Molly and Jon vibes.

Rut roh...

Greg has a sweet tooth and Deonna doesn’t care for sweets.

Raise your hand if this is a deal breaker......

Edited June 27, 2019 by humbleopinion

[lids]

1 hour ago, Adeejay said:

Why is Keith on here?  Did he lose a bet?  He is tall, dark, handsome, seems nice and is  gainfully employed.  In other words, the full package.  Doesn't make sense. 

I haven’t been able to watch the episode yet, but I was reading tweets and apparently Keith is an aspiring musician. So now I understand why he had to come on this show to find a nice woman to settle down with... while promoting his next album.

He’s still cute though, so I’ll allow it as long as he doesn’t turn annoying.

[answerphone]

How many times will it be pointed out "she's a virgin"?  🤔.

I'm over it already.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

I really don't mind Elizabeth --but I'm not around her 24/7.  I do think most of her incessant talking/joking "quirkiness" is probably based on insecurity, self-doubt. 

...I mean, look at her parents! ...Especially her dad. I've tried to reserve judgement on him till now, but he's way over the line. 

[answerphone]

How many times will it be pointed out "she's a virgin"?  🤔.

I'm over it already.

Another thought... Didn't we all start as virgins? 🤔

[STRIDER1]

Iris : tell me a secret that ONLY u can tell your wife.

Keith : hmm, let me think....

Earth to Iris ............  the cameras are currently filming you, so yeah its NOT just a secret BETWEEN a husband and wife ANYMORE if its being recorded and documented.

DOH !!!!!!!!

[peaceknit]

3 hours ago, Adeejay said:

Iris and Elizabeth's dads need to chill.  Their attachment to their daughter doesn't seem natural.  

 My husband and I went to Antigua for our honeymoon.  It is my favorite island in the Caribbean. When we heard that its sister island, Barbuda was Princess Diana's favorite, we just had to take a day trip.  Barbuda has some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and the people are warm and friendly.  In my humble opinion, Antigua and Barbuda are the shiniest jewels in the Caribbean crown. 

Shhhh, don't give the secret away! ;) Grenada is another.

[STRIDER1]

Also the fact that keith pretends to NOT already know that iris is a virgin and is trying to act "naturally surprised" upon hearing it for the FAKE "1st time" doesnt exactly show much for him on trying to start out the relationship on honestly and communication. just saying.

Especially when keith knows that EVENTUALLY iris will find out when they air the wedding episode and she sees that keiths mom already told him earlier that night. so thats really stupid IMO to take that route and fake the not knowing angle.

Mistake followed up by another mistake IMO.

[humbleopinion]

Giving Eliz a standing O for her sexy lingerie...finally some nice bed time wear.

Jamie hit the jackpot with Big Red Chardonnay...

He is visually excitable and she is an eyeful.....

Poor cameraman when Eliz dropped trou and popped her top....

[endure]

4 hours ago, Straycat80 said:

I noticed that too. And Amber is ‘the tomboy’. 

Nothing like stereotyping 🙄

[STRIDER1]

Wow really surprised me that not one of the couples got it on on their wedding night. shocker lol

I had guessed beforehand that it would have been at least 2 of the 4 couples (big red chardonnay/jamie and amber/matt)

Oh well hahaha 😂

[zoltana]

I like Keith and Iris.  Hopefully it will work out.

Elizabeth's dad makes me very uncomfortable.  It appears he made Jamie uncomfortable too.  I agree with the other posters who have said they couldn't last in a room with Elizabeth for very long.  I'm introverted and people like her drain my energy so quickly.

Greg seems so sweet and Deonna seems so over the whole thing already.  She said she was excited to go to Antiqua, but it was hard to tell.

Matt strikes me as very depressed.  Amber is blinded by the experience and his looks to notice the signs that he doesn't really seem to be that in to her.  

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

I don’t like Elizabeth’s Dad at all.  He had a hell of a nerve talking like that.  This was Elizabeth’s choice to do this.  She is not a child.  He is a wacho.

Gem, I agree that both of them and their relationship are genuinely creepy but I think some of this OTT parent behavior is producer encouraged.  Same for Tony, Iris' father and his "meltdown" and comments in this episode.  I smell BS here.  I'm going over past seasons and this kind of stuff has happened before.  Like Jepthe's mother that interrupted the wedding ceremony.  I don't believe any of that stuff just happened naturally.

4 hours ago, PityFree said:

Her is what I predict for Matt and Amber: disaster since Matt has probably never had to put out any effort to get relationships. As a skilled athlete, he has probably had women throw themselves at him since he was on the Junior high b-ball team. The instant the marriage requires effort, he’ll bail.

Amber is acting like a desperate little fan-girl and his body language is showing that he's just seeing her as yet another woman throwing herself at him.  He does think she's sweet, but it's a turn off and as a result I also predict disaster.

4 minutes ago, zoltana said:

I like Keith and Iris.  Hopefully it will work out.

They are so beautiful to look at, separately and together that I almost forget that I care about them working out, but I do.  Although Keith's body language is showing that he's not happy about her being a virgin and sees it as a bigger responsibility than he bargained for.