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S17.E10: What Do You Care About?


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I know that I’ll get grief for this, but I honestly hated this episode for so many reasons.  I now can’t stand Elaine, it felt so much like she was so fake and trying so hard for her “Moment”. I like judges who judge, not judges who play up to the camera, not judges who think they are mentors.  How can you give someone advice and then be the one who judges them? I see while was mentoring she seemed encouraging and was a good listener, but I think it was totally fake 

Also, I was revolted when she described the a black panthers outfits and what they stood for.  That might be how they started, against police brutality, but I’m 60 and I clearly remember them being a hate group, who murdered cops, murdered and tortured two of their own members, and dealt drugs and other crimes like that.  It blew my mind that she put them out there like they were a normal group of activists, and that bravo let that fly

I am a member of several minority or mistreated groups too, most of us are, but I would never put criminals on a pedestal even if they started out trying to help me

And for her to say that the bees thing was no good because it’s not part of the cultural movement?  I mean come on.  There ARE other important causes.  Elaine comes off as an intolerant human being unless you believe in her beliefs and hers only. The worst kind of activist, in my opinion 

On another note, I really wanted Sebastian to win, he has deserved it so many times, and deserved it this week.  I hope he wins. This contest is about who makes the best clothing, not who has the most popular social beliefs. Or is it?

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2 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

It’s reversible, so you’re essentially getting two looks for $45.  😉

Well, in that case, I'll take two!

Honestly, I can't see any girl over six years wearing those silly hats. But some hats have bad words, so they are not even appropriate for young girls.

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2 hours ago, millennium said:

Unpopular opinion probably, but I found most of their causes to be predictable and boring.   We hear about racial bias and LGBT discrimination in the news every single day.   Not saying those causes are unimportant (LGBT person here), but there's a whole world of causes out there, many of them so much bigger than identity politics.   Almost to a person, it was like "I'm a person of color, so I'm doing racial bias" or "I'm gay, so I'm doing gay rights."   I don't care much for Garo Sparo but I give him credit for looking beyond himself to call attention to a broader and apparently (looking at you, Karlie) lesser known global crisis.  

From a creative standpoint alone, I would think larger issues would offer the designers a more diverse choice of design possibilities and more opportunity to be edgy.  Of course, causes like endangered bees, clean water in third world countries, green energy, etc. usually don't justify weepy emotional displays before the judges and those seem to be mandatory on shows like this. 

I was hoping someone would pick a not so predictable or politely-correct cause, such as religious liberty, pro-life or 2nd Amendment rights. That would have made for a much more interesting show. But, alas, No one wants to take a risk or be provocative.

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(edited)
29 minutes ago, Desert Rat said:

I was hoping someone would pick a not so predictable or politely-correct cause, such as religious liberty, pro-life or 2nd Amendment rights. That would have made for a much more interesting show. But, alas, No one wants to take a risk or be provocative.

Even their approaches to the causes they chose were hackneyed and trite.   Garo chose bees and made a bee costume.  Sebastian went with skin colors to promote we're all the same no matter skin color.   Hester chose LGBT marriage equality and went with a rainbow variant.  Then the hoody as a symbol of racial suspicion ...

IT WAS ALL SO OBVIOUS.  They went with the first cliches that popped into their heads.  

No creativity.

No originality.

No imagination.

Edited by millennium
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4 hours ago, SemiCharmedLife said:

Recovered memories can happen in many ways. I experienced it myself when my first boyfriend first touched me in an intimate way. Memories came flooding back - ones that had not crossed my mind in 15 years, but they were crystal clear and firm in my mind as something that I did experience. I hope this is not too graphic, I can edit it, if so.

I BELIEVE YOU. Sending a virtual hug. 💔

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8 hours ago, LucindaWalsh said:

What I got from Tessa explaining her moment (not during the runway, but a talking head) was that during her college years someone tried to get her to do something sexual that she didn't want to do and it brought about the memories of an experience(s) during her younger years. And that while she wasn't able to claim her body as her own during the younger experience, she could (did?) claim it as her college age self. And she wanted to share that claiming of your body in this design. I think during the explanation of the challenge with Karli and Elaine giving (pushing?) them to air their personal passion, had to be personal! not just popular!, that it was a slight trigger for Tessa and she decided to bite the bullet, then went back and forth between regret and going forward with it. This was the first time I liked the lining up of her design choice with the meaning of the challenge. It packed a punch in the message without outright accusing all men and women of being aggressors. Another poster mentioned Melania's "I Don't Really Care Do You?" outfit and Tessa's was reminiscent of that look and subtle messaging. 

The Melania jacket was subtle messaging?  

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(edited)
1 hour ago, Desert Rat said:

I was hoping someone would pick a not so predictable or politely-correct cause, such as religious liberty, pro-life or 2nd Amendment rights. That would have made for a much more interesting show. But, alas, No one wants to take a risk or be provocative.

Maybe none of these contestants is in favor of assault weapons for all and mass shootings or the government imposing "religion" on those who don't want it or taking away a woman's right to autonomy when it comes to her body and reproduction. 

Wacky!

Here's a fashion idea for that:

image.png.b6afcc0fff8e1bf7892f9f7df34ea41f.png

Edited by Ashforth
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8 hours ago, slensam said:

The Melania jacket was subtle messaging?  

good question. All I can tell you was it prompted my 12 year old to insist I buy him an olive green tshirt with "I really do care; do you?" written in similar font on the front. He wears it proudly every time he has an out of uniform day at school.

in an effort to keep this on topic--I love Sebastian but I thought he didn't win this round because his dress was a little odd with how the skirt came together. I've liked his other designs better.

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17 hours ago, carrps said:

Actually, it's common for little kids to not realize -- at the time -- that they're being abused. Abusers are very good at grooming. Makes me think of that HBO movie "The Tale."

Yes, unfortunately you're right. I offer the horrible example of massive years long coverup sexual abuse nightmare of young female athletes by Larry Nassar, now being compounded by a similar case involving hundreds of male gymnasts at Ohio State. The principal of the elementary/middle school of the town next to mine was just arrested last week for trying to seduce an underage former student...and it turns out his brother is already in jail for the same crime.

I mean...damnit.

Sorry for the semi-off topic but it was brought up in last week's ep.

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10 hours ago, millennium said:

No creativity.

No originality.

No imagination.

That pretty much sums up the whole crop of mediocre designers (with the possible exception of Sebastian) that have been creating tired, dull and completely forgettable looks this entire season.  

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Late to the  party...

Mostly wanted to comment that looking at the recaps on the Bravo site, I liked Sebastian's best. I think he got at least a bit of a good range with the skin tones.  There might have also been a stylistic compromise? I've often heard the judges mention that the runway lights can sometimes make details on black fabric less easy to see suggesting the lights aren't very forgiving of black fabric, and combining black and brown tones might have been a risky thing?

Maybe someone with more actual design experience can comment, because I'm not very adventurous when it comes to that kind of thing. I pretty much have three ways I wear things: mostly within the same tone, "complimentary" tones, or a print with multiple different colors. In other words, I don't even try to put two different types of blues together, or brown and black, grey and ivory, or purple and violet, because that is less forgiving than say a pattern of aqua and olive and such. I don't know, but I could see it being stylistically difficult to mix solid blocks of black and brown tones together in my admittedly OCD way of looking at colors.

I hope I'm not offending anyone with that. I'm looking at it as a purely design aesthetic thing and my admittedly OCD nature when it comes to color tone. As such I loved that Sebastian's solid blocks were within the same tone of color, because that is more my aesthetic. I would have liked it also if it had gone from say black through greys to pure white, but that may have not had as many noticeable variations maybe on camera?

Although not my favorite, Bishme's design for me was fine on the bottom part, but I wasn't crazy about the fluffy bustline. The violet was dark, but I understood the choice and appreciated it more than say I would have a purple or lavender color.

Strangely, I disliked Hester's design mainly because it was not crazy enough... Her coat was too much reddish and contrasted terribly with the aqua. My brain was yelling "ahhhhh! The tones! The conflicting tones!" There should have been much more rainbow effect to marry those colors together better and not make it look like a toddler picked out her two favorite colors and insisted that they look "bootiful" together. There were several other things wrong for me with Hester's "design," but the color thing was the most egregious.


And I just realized that apparently color has an awful lot to do with how I perceive / like the clothing designs on this show... So apparently this post has been brought to you by the colors brown, violet, red, and aqua ; )

Sorry about that, and I'll show myself out now.

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On 5/19/2019 at 1:39 PM, Pallida said:

I was wondering if Hester’s berets were reversible, so seeing that they can be rotated to provide a different message makes sense. I like the concept even if it’s not something I’d wear.

But if you turn the hat around to get the other message, then the smiley face on top is upside down. 

Furthermore, the message changed in the course of the her critique.  So while they were talking to her, she twisted the hat around?  TV shows are very aware of how people dress--like contestants bringing enough outfits to be able to dress differently for each episode of a game show even though they're all taped on the same day, or wearing the same outfit over multiple episodes so they can be edited together.

I'm surprised that a TV show about outfits wasn't more careful about this.  But apparently they thought it was super important that she get to "say" both "Plz die" and "Cutie pie."

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On 5/18/2019 at 7:21 PM, auntlada said:

I've been iffy on his T-shirt design (not necessarily his cause, but his slogan on the T-shirt), but you just reminded me of one of the stupidest calls I ever got when I worked at a newspaper. I got the call because no one else knew what to say to the stupid woman. Her son had gotten in trouble at school for calling a little girl the N word. The little girl had one black parent and one white parent. The mother seemed to believe that the reason her son got in trouble was because he used the wrong word because the girl had one white parent. She called the newspaper to ask us what you call someone who has one black parent and one white parent. (She didn't say it quite like that, but she did not use vulgar language with me, or I would have quit talking to her. I maybe should have anyway).

When she asked me what to call someone like that, I said, "Her name?" Remembering that, I understand Venny's shirt.

(There are so many things that I thought of after getting off the phone with that woman that I wished I'd said, but just couldn't think of them in time. This was more than 20 years ago, and I still have conversations with her in my mind. Unfortunately -- or perhaps fortunately -- I don't know who she is.)

Kudos for responding with such simple logic!!! And actually the simplicity of your answer may resonate far more than any further discussion which may have just caused defensiveness.


I still remember overhearing at a holiday open house once, two white women in their 60s or so chatting. One was talking about the minority staff at her golf/country club and she asked the other something along the lines of "what do you call them at your golf club?" and my godmother looked point blank at her and said "Members." It was brilliant!!! 

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(edited)

No matter what your cause is, fashion ain't gonna fix it.

IMO, cause-related clothing is more about creating an appearance of concern than an actual passion to bring about change.

I remember my very first issue-related t-shirt.   It was the late 1970s.  The shirt said: Disco Sucks.   

I wore it proudly.   It told the world I rejected the Bee Gees and the Trammps and KC and the Sunshine Band.   That I repudiated John Travolta.   It announced my intention to go to my grave wearing Levis jeans and cords and listening to Steve Miller, Fleetwood Mac, Styx and Kansas.  

But admittedly, I could have done more.  I could have picketed the disco radio stations.  I could have thrown my body in front of the lines of well-dressed, perfectly coiffed people waiting to get into disco dance clubs.  I could have hitchhiked to Comiskey Stadium in Chicago and joined my fellow album-rock idiots at the Disco Demolition Night riot.

But no, I just wore the shirt.   It reassured me and those around me that I was who I believed I was.

Disco eventually went away, pushed aside by 80's alternative dance music.

I don't think my t-shirt had anything to do with it.

Edited by millennium
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Obviously she wore it with the plz die side showing because she didn't like how her garment turned out and thought the judges would hate it and then when the judges were like, what you talking about? It's awesome! she turned it around to say cutie pie. And tptb all probably loved it. 

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(edited)
7 hours ago, millennium said:

No matter what your cause is, fashion ain't gonna fix it.

Taking this to small talk.

______________________________________________________________________

Well, I couldn't make it work in the off-topic forum 😕

I was going to make a totally insightful statement about the impact that the arts have on society, while acknowledging that fashion is behind TV, movies, Broadway, and music in the obvious impact of its influence (even though it is there!). Trust me, it would have been brilliant! LOL. But off topic for this thread, I think.

Edited by Ashforth
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7 hours ago, millennium said:

No matter what your cause is, fashion ain't gonna fix it.

IMO, cause-related clothing is more about creating an appearance of concern than an actual passion to bring about change.

I remember my very first issue-related t-shirt.   It was the late 1970s.  The shirt said: Disco Sucks.   

I wore it proudly.   It told the world I rejected the Bee Gees and the Trammps and KC and the Sunshine Band.   That I repudiated John Travolta.   It announced my intention to go to my grave wearing Levis jeans and cords and listening to Steve Miller, Fleetwood Mac, Styx and Kansas.  

But admittedly, I could have done more.  I could have picketed the disco radio stations.  I could have thrown my body in front of the lines of well-dressed, perfectly coiffed people waiting to get into disco dance clubs.  I could have hitchhiked to Comiskey Stadium in Chicago and joined my fellow album-rock idiots at the Disco Demolition Night riot.

But no, I just wore the shirt.   It reassured me and those around me that I was who I believed I was.

Disco eventually went away, pushed aside by 80's alternative dance music.

I don't think my t-shirt had anything to do with it.

So true. And often, when you grow up, you realize you were on the wrong side of the "cause." Take your disco example.  I too had a "Disco Sucks" t-shirt. I was so over disco, couldn't bear to listen. But lately, I can't get enough disco. I love the Bee Gees, Commodores,  Earth, Wind & Fire etc. Love watching Saturday Night Fever on cable. I'm glad now my efforts to "stamp out" disco failed. Everything comes full circle in life, and it's good to have an open mind.

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10 hours ago, millennium said:

No matter what your cause is, fashion ain't gonna fix it.

No, wearing a t-shirt with whatever your cause is will not actually fix the problem, but literally wearing your heart on your sleeve can bring awareness to important issues that other people might not be aware of.

If someone is wearing Garo's shirt and a stranger says, "Wow, cool shirt!" and that's enough to give the first person the opportunity to talk to them about why the bees dying is a vital issue that ultimately affects everyone, then one more person is a tiny bit more educated about something important.

Or even if someone just sees the hashtag on the shirt (heh, assuming it's the correct hashtag of WeAreBees, NOT WearBees) and checks it out later, that's one more person who is aware of the issue.

Of course these aren't the same as the original person taking direct action, but raising awareness is still important and when it's done in a gentle way like seeing someone else's shirt, I think people tend to be more receptive than if they got a cold call or saw a table in front of the grocery store after work when they just want to go in and buy some food so they can go home and make dinner.

Every single day, we choose what to wear and what message that presents to the world. If someone wants to wear a shirt that advertises a cause instead of some of the other ugly crap we've seen (on this show, at the mall, etc), I'm all for it because it's not any worse than walking around with some of the hideous/expensive clothes that people choose to wear. And is it really any worse than wearing a t-shirt with a company's logo (for example, Nike) or the name of a sports team?

I feel I should also add that there ARE people who are actively fighting and supporting causes that are important to them, regardless of what they wear. I would not assume that wearing a t-shirt means that's the extent of their effort. Of course there are always going to be people who view these kinds of shirts as a fashion statement and then do absolutely nothing else for the cause beyond wearing it, but I would not paint everyone with that particular brush.

Although I didn't love this challenge, at least the show gave us a brief respite from the mundane challenges we see every season (and I'd rather have a themed challenge like this that isn't sponsored by a product completely unsuitable for a PR episode instead of another "design a Dixie cup" challenge). Being in the public eye gives people a platform so at least the show gave the designers the opportunity to highlight something that's important to them. I'm not saying they all did a great job articulating their causes, but still. It was good practice for them because once you have even a modicum of fame, organizations will come out of the woodwork asking for your support (whether it's a fat donation, appearing in their advertising, requesting a collaboration, etc).

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5 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

No, wearing a t-shirt with whatever your cause is will not actually fix the problem, but literally wearing your heart on your sleeve can bring awareness to important issues that other people might not be aware of.

If someone is wearing Garo's shirt and a stranger says, "Wow, cool shirt!" and that's enough to give the first person the opportunity to talk to them about why the bees dying is a vital issue that ultimately affects everyone, then one more person is a tiny bit more educated about something important.

Or even if someone just sees the hashtag on the shirt (heh, assuming it's the correct hashtag of WeAreBees, NOT WearBees) and checks it out later, that's one more person who is aware of the issue.

Of course these aren't the same as the original person taking direct action, but raising awareness is still important and when it's done in a gentle way like seeing someone else's shirt, I think people tend to be more receptive than if they got a cold call or saw a table in front of the grocery store after work when they just want to go in and buy some food so they can go home and make dinner.

Every single day, we choose what to wear and what message that presents to the world. If someone wants to wear a shirt that advertises a cause instead of some of the other ugly crap we've seen (on this show, at the mall, etc), I'm all for it because it's not any worse than walking around with some of the hideous/expensive clothes that people choose to wear. And is it really any worse than wearing a t-shirt with a company's logo (for example, Nike) or the name of a sports team?

I feel I should also add that there ARE people who are actively fighting and supporting causes that are important to them, regardless of what they wear. I would not assume that wearing a t-shirt means that's the extent of their effort. Of course there are always going to be people who view these kinds of shirts as a fashion statement and then do absolutely nothing else for the cause beyond wearing it, but I would not paint everyone with that particular brush.

Although I didn't love this challenge, at least the show gave us a brief respite from the mundane challenges we see every season (and I'd rather have a themed challenge like this that isn't sponsored by a product completely unsuitable for a PR episode instead of another "design a Dixie cup" challenge). Being in the public eye gives people a platform so at least the show gave the designers the opportunity to highlight something that's important to them. I'm not saying they all did a great job articulating their causes, but still. It was good practice for them because once you have even a modicum of fame, organizations will come out of the woodwork asking for your support (whether it's a fat donation, appearing in their advertising, requesting a collaboration, etc).

I think it’s also important to remember that the proceeds from the purchase of message T-shirts often goes directly to supporting that cause, so, in that way, fashion can effect change. I’ve bought more than a couple shirts, not just to wear them, but also to help fund projects that lead to the change being promoted.

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5 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

No, wearing a t-shirt with whatever your cause is will not actually fix the problem, but literally wearing your heart on your sleeve can bring awareness to important issues that other people might not be aware of.

If someone is wearing Garo's shirt and a stranger says, "Wow, cool shirt!" and that's enough to give the first person the opportunity to talk to them about why the bees dying is a vital issue that ultimately affects everyone, then one more person is a tiny bit more educated about something important.

Or even if someone just sees the hashtag on the shirt (heh, assuming it's the correct hashtag of WeAreBees, NOT WearBees) and checks it out later, that's one more person who is aware of the issue.

Of course these aren't the same as the original person taking direct action, but raising awareness is still important and when it's done in a gentle way like seeing someone else's shirt, I think people tend to be more receptive than if they got a cold call or saw a table in front of the grocery store after work when they just want to go in and buy some food so they can go home and make dinner.

Every single day, we choose what to wear and what message that presents to the world. If someone wants to wear a shirt that advertises a cause instead of some of the other ugly crap we've seen (on this show, at the mall, etc), I'm all for it because it's not any worse than walking around with some of the hideous/expensive clothes that people choose to wear. And is it really any worse than wearing a t-shirt with a company's logo (for example, Nike) or the name of a sports team?

I feel I should also add that there ARE people who are actively fighting and supporting causes that are important to them, regardless of what they wear. I would not assume that wearing a t-shirt means that's the extent of their effort. Of course there are always going to be people who view these kinds of shirts as a fashion statement and then do absolutely nothing else for the cause beyond wearing it, but I would not paint everyone with that particular brush.

Although I didn't love this challenge, at least the show gave us a brief respite from the mundane challenges we see every season (and I'd rather have a themed challenge like this that isn't sponsored by a product completely unsuitable for a PR episode instead of another "design a Dixie cup" challenge). Being in the public eye gives people a platform so at least the show gave the designers the opportunity to highlight something that's important to them. I'm not saying they all did a great job articulating their causes, but still. It was good practice for them because once you have even a modicum of fame, organizations will come out of the woodwork asking for your support (whether it's a fat donation, appearing in their advertising, requesting a collaboration, etc).

bravo to all of this. For some (which in this case, means me), the statement shirt can be the first step towards being willing to stand up and say "yea, this is what I believe" instead of quietly disagreeing. Granted it's a small first step, but it is one. It also can help connect you with other people. My youngest asked me to buy him a shirt that had a strong message that is not necessarily embraced where we live. He wore it while on a tour with his grandparents, where the fellow tour-ees were even less likely to share his viewpoint. He was surprised when an older gentleman told him he liked his shirt. It broke a barrier and reminded him you can't assume people believe something based on their age or how they look. I was glad he had that moment.

Wearing a Disco Sucks shirt is really no different than wearing a shirt for a band you love. You are saying something about the music you like at that time. There are plenty of people who no longer want to wear the band tshirts they thought were awesome in 7th grade. It doesn't mean they should regret wearing it in 7th grade.

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(edited)
7 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Every single day, we choose what to wear and what message that presents to the world. If someone wants to wear a shirt that advertises a cause instead of some of the other ugly crap we've seen (on this show, at the mall, etc), I'm all for it because it's not any worse than walking around with some of the hideous/expensive clothes that people choose to wear. And is it really any worse than wearing a t-shirt with a company's logo (for example, Nike) or the name of a sports team?

A couple years ago I decided to stop being a billboard.   Why advertise for any company or licensed property without compensation?   Why impose my interests on perfect strangers?  (especially when I believe that ultimately nobody really cares what's on someone else's t-shirt).  Why be one more message in a visual sea of unsolicited messages?  I put away all t-shirts with messages, logos, whatever, and replaced them with solid colors.

Today, for example, the only message I'm putting out there is "red."

Edited by millennium
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10 hours ago, Desert Rat said:

Love watching Saturday Night Fever on cable. I'm glad now my efforts to "stamp out" disco failed.

Maybe you already know, since you're old enough to have actively hated disco, but there are two versions of Saturday Night Fever out there.  The one I surf past on cable is the much-edited PG version, while the original version was rated R.

If all you're there for is the dancing, then the PG will suffice, but from a "movie" standpoint, the two versions are very different.

.

17 minutes ago, millennium said:

Today, for example, the only message I'm putting out there is "red."

Be careful about wandering into Crips territory.

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For most of these designs, I didn't get how their cause showed through their clothing.  I guess that's why the t-shirts were necessary but I also didn't really like this design challenge at all.  

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Interesting that the guest judge erroneously thought Tessa's design was about body shapes. Why? Because she had a plus model? So much for PR's phony commitment to celebrating body diversity. 

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I haven't rewatched to verify the exact quote, but one of the judges was gushing over Hester's t-shirt and how she was "really saying something to young people" - while she was wearing a "PLZ DIE" hat. Yeah, tell the LGBT youth to go die, that's a real uplifting message.

I hope they're paying Nina a metric asston of money to keep up this ridiculous charade.

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I missed the ep last week and only caught the rerun last night. Bishme's was well made & I liked the idea behind it, but I disagree with the judges on it being something his mentees would wear. It just didn't seem youthful to me.

On the other hand, I liked Sebastien's messaging & design but the execution wasn't the best. Layering the fabric was a great idea but the skirt looked so heavy. Something looked off in the way it attached to the bodice as well.

The judges were all over Hester's design for being joyful and representing her but how did it represent marriage equality specifically?

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On 5/19/2019 at 9:54 PM, Ashforth said:

Maybe none of these contestants is in favor of assault weapons for all and mass shootings or the government imposing "religion" on those who don't want it or taking away a woman's right to autonomy when it comes to her body and reproduction. 

Wacky!

THIS!!!!!!!!

Thank you for saying it!!!!

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Chiming in late to comment on Sebastian's (and by extension, Elaine's) colorism.  With the fabric he chose, there is no way he could have layered enough to get to a Lupito Nyong'o shade.  I doubt there exists any one fabric that could be layered to get all shades.

I noticed his T was also missing darker shades.  Did he run out of time designing that, too.  He just didn't think about the darker women, and I doubt Elaine does much, either.

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I am extremely behind in my watching, so forgive the late comment, but I just saw this episode last night. 

Nina, what are you doing to me?!?  I was counting on her to call out Hester's ridiculous outfit for the silly, unimaginative costume it was, and instead she praises her?  WTF?  How is she even still on the show, making the same Rainbow Brite garb over and over again?  I swear, if this is another fix like the plus-size designer who made hideous plus-size garments several seasons ago....

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On 5/18/2019 at 4:50 AM, WaltersHair said:

Regarding Tessa and memory, there is a fascinating study done about failure of memory. In other words, it is difficult for individuals to remember something correctly after a traumatic event, particularly if given false information in conjunction..

Lost in a mall  

If Tessa's memory is something she remembered 'suddenly one day',  it might not necessarily be what she remembers. I am in no way discounting what was clearly painful memory, but events remembered years later are dicey.

I feel the need to defend Tessa.  My sister and I were molested in elementary school.  We shared a bed and a friend of my brothers took advantage of our trusting parents by harming us together in that bed.  Over and over. We NEVER talked about it. EVER.  One day a few years ago, I was talking about it and my sister was like "what are you talking about?".  She had repressed the memory.  She was confused and devastated as I recalled to her what was done to BOTH OF US.  It took a while for her to come to terms with what happened to her and the fact that she had buried it somewhere deep inside herself.  This is sometimes a self preserving action. 

Tessa may have repressed a painful memory because it was too difficult to handle; the brain does that to protect itself. Years of costly therapy have taught me a lot about this.   It doesn't mean her recollection is made up, wrong or "dicey".  Comments like this are why women are still keeping quiet about abuse.

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