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"Nationwide is on my slide?" & Other Things We Thought We Heard

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Sorry if this thread already exists, but I couldn't find one so I started one.

I was watching house hunters international and at the end of the episode I thought I heard the girl go "it's been great meeting new people and Australians". Because they aren't people?

I then realized that she probably said "it's been great meeting new people "in" Australia.

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Why is Sara Michele Gellar calling the babies in the Target commercial "little pricks"? That's way harsh, Target. What's that? Oooooooooh. "Little crooks." I do a double take every time.

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On today's PBS Newshour they interviewed an elderly white guy who is a member of a Washington think tank and a former middle-eastern boy. Or I suppose he might be a former middle-east envoy.

 

I was watching house hunters international and at the end of the episode I thought I heard the girl go "it's been great meeting new people and Australians". Because they aren't people?

I then realized that she probably said "it's been great meeting new people "in" Australia.

They must have been meeting Australian babies. Reminds me of a news show I saw once where they referred to a company with branches "throughout North America and Canada."

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There was a breast cancer awareness PSA just after The Late, Late Show tonight where a woman was talking about her experiences. I wasn't really paying attention, and I heard her say "I have two daughters; clitoral." It took me a moment to realize that what she had said was "Colette and Laurel."

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In the current Ford truck commercial with the VO that sounds like Denis Leary, whenever he says "eco-boost technology" I hear "ego boost technology." And to be honest, either version is probably equally accurate.

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There was a breast cancer awareness PSA just after The Late, Late Show tonight where a woman was talking about her experiences. I wasn't really paying attention, and I heard her say "I have two daughters; clitoral." It took me a moment to realize that what she had said was "Colette and Laurel."

 

 

True story: a lot of years ago, some friends of a friend had their first child, a girl. The name they saddled this child with? Chlamydia, because it "sounded pretty."

 

I'd have sued for emancipation as soon as I was able to understand the significance.

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True story: a lot of years ago, some friends of a friend had their first child, a girl. The name they saddled this child with? Chlamydia, because it "sounded pretty."

 

I'd have sued for emancipation as soon as I was able to understand the significance.

 

Woah O_O. That's rather traumatizing for the poor kid.

 

It reminds me of a bit on M*A*S*H, about Charles' sister, Honoria. Which Col. Flagg kept on calling Gonorrhea. XD

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That was one my favorite M.A.S.H. moments ever. I still giggle when I think about it. Charles's perfect "that's HonORia."

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I was watching "Friends" the other night. It's the episode where Ross and Rachel first kiss. Ross said something like "that ship has sailed", then Rachel says "I don't need your stupid ship!"  Only it doesn't sound like "ship" - see the video around 1:27

 

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I was watching "Friends" the other night. It's the episode where Ross and Rachel first kiss. Ross said something like "that ship has sailed", then Rachel says "I don't need your stupid ship!"  Only it doesn't sound like "ship" - see the video around 1:27

 

 

I thought it was that word too O_O. Woah Rachel.

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This isn't really a "what I thought I heard" so much as a "what I thought they meant": It took me a few seconds to figure out what the local news person was talking about tonight when she said "And now an update on the investigation into the Greek ferry that went down in the Adriatic." Apparently everything sounds like sex to me.

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Just now, while working on the computer with the TV on in the background:

 

Commercial: Shop now for homosexuals, at Burlington!

 

Me: Wait, what?

 

{Rewind}

 

Commercial: Shop now for home essentials, at Burlington!

 

Me: Ohhhhh... never mind.

Edited by giovannif7
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Excedrin commercial. Mom has a moderate headache, and the kids are basically running around saying "Mommy, mommy," every two seconds (as they do). Voiceover says something like, "You don't care that it's a mild headache, you just want a gun." Wait, what? Oh, you just want it gone.

I was thinking, Mom is so DONE with those kids.

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From an old Doctor Who: "The chemical is philatelized and pumped into the air system." I have no idea how a chemical could be turned into a stamp collection, but ok...

 

Rewinding the DVR and watching again, it turned out to be volatilized.

 

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Also there's an ad for Henry Rifles where I know that what sounds like "This is the finest brothel I've ever owned" is really "this is the finest rifle I've ever owned", but it makes me do a double-take whenever I hear it.

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From an old Doctor Who: "The chemical is philatelized and pumped into the air system." I have no idea how a chemical could be turned into a stamp collection, but ok...

 

Rewinding the DVR and watching again, it turned out to be volatilized....

At least your mind chose a word beginning with "ph" instead of "f." Heh.

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Watching an episode of Crash and Bernstein. The oldest daughter walks into the room and I thought she said: "Mom, I need 80$ for new boobs." My reaction: "You can get a boob job for 80$? Oh, never mind. She said boots. That does seem more appropriate for Disney Channel."

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My favorite came from an a TWoP thread, where a poster was relating how his/her Dad sang along to The Sopranos theme song:

Born under a Datsun

With a boom boom in your eyes

 

I died laughing.

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Watching Brunch at Bobby's and could have sworn Bobby Flay was using a "gnostic" pan.
Brilliant! That way any dishes that don't turn out the way that he wants can be blamed on the imperfection of the universe created by the demiurge.

I myself would prefer a Church of Satan pan, so that I can tell anyone dumb enough to try my cooking that the ensuing suffering is the natural punishment for their stupidity.

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There's a Facebook page that plays off on names of movies, bands etc.

 

https://www.facebook.com/1letterwrongmovie

 

My mom is always forwarding me one of their cartoons and asking, isn't that what it is?

 

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One of my favorite things is watching TV with the closed captions.  During Celebrity Apprentice, they typed Herald Dough instead of Geraldo.  And tonight during WWHL, they typed Sin Tia instead of Cynthia.

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On the Voice, I thought I heard Blake go "you're a bit bitchy"... a few seconds later I of course realized he said pitchy. Which makes way more sense to say to a singer.

Edited by blueray
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On the Voice, I thought I heard Blake go "you're a bit bitchy"... a few seconds later I of course realized he said pitchy. Which makes way more sense to say to a singer.

Unless she's acting like a diva.

Just now -- a Colonial Penn insurance commercial offering a "rape lock." Huh? Oh, a "rate lock."

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On the local news tonight: "Tody our our reporter (reporter name) put on her boobs and checked out the (city name) rodeo!" They really need to learn to pronounce "boots" a little more clearly.

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On the local news tonight: "Tody our our reporter (reporter name) put on her boobs and checked out the (city name) rodeo!" They really need to learn to pronounce "boots" a little more clearly.

Could go either way, Sandman...

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I had the volume turned down a bit today when I heard a promo with Jake from Adventure Time saying "Dude, I'm still baring my vajayjay!" I'm surprised I didn't give myself whiplash from whipping my head around. Backing up the DVR revealed that it was "Dude! I'm still wearing my pajayjays", a reference to his pajamas.

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Is what I thought I read allowed?  So I'm cruising through the episode guide and I read this

 

"Picard probes a genetic mystery that may link the Kardashians..." and then my brain seized.  Cardassians.

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Is what I thought I read allowed? So I'm cruising through the episode guide and I read this

"Picard probes a genetic mystery that may link the Kardashians..." and then my brain seized. Cardassians.

Hee! Although the Cardassians were first introduced on STTNG in 1991 and it wasn't until "1994 [that] Robert entered the media spotlight when he defended O.J. Simpson," a peer-reviewed journal article on cosmology that co opted the name of the fictional extraterrestrial race has this explanatory footnote:

2 The name Cardassian refers to a humanoid race in Star Trek whose goal is to take over the universe, i.e., accelerated expansion. This race looks foreign to us and yet is made entirely of matter.

Sound familiar? Edited by shapeshifter
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One of my favorite things is watching TV with the closed captions.  During Celebrity Apprentice, they typed Herald Dough instead of Geraldo.  And tonight during WWHL, they typed Sin Tia instead of Cynthia.

I need closed captions due to hearing loss, also that today's non-stage-trained actors mumble. Sometimes it's totally hysterical! Captioning on live broadcasts like local news or even major sports sometimes has me spewing soda. Who does this stuff, brain-damaged former court reporters??

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Is what I thought I read allowed?  So I'm cruising through the episode guide and I read this

 

"Picard probes a genetic mystery that may link the Kardashians..." and then my brain seized.  Cardassians.

 

 

ha ha ha ha ha!  good one!

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Woah O_O. That's rather traumatizing for the poor kid.

It reminds me of a bit on M*A*S*H, about Charles' sister, Honoria. Which Col. Flagg kept on calling Gonorrhea. XD

Was he really calling her that?? I never heard it that way/thought so. I thought he was just putting the accent in the wrong place in "Honoria"--saying it as "Honor-EE-ah".

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Was he really calling her that?? I never heard it that way/thought so. I thought he was just putting the accent in the wrong place in "Honoria"--saying it as "Honor-EE-ah".

 

Yes he was. That was the joke. Check out Youtube, you can find it there too. Just did and am rewatching now.

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Just now I thought Wolf Blitzer said "GOP white assholes" but it turned out to be "GOP Whitehouse hopefuls."

Are you sure you didn't hear him right the first time? Heh.
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Just now I thought Wolf Blitzer said "GOP white assholes" but it turned out to be "GOP Whitehouse hopefuls."

Could go either way...

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Just now I thought Wolf Blitzer said "GOP white assholes" but it turned out to be "GOP Whitehouse hopefuls."

 

Well, the first is almost redundant, since "GOP assholes" is nearly the same thing.

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I was watching the news this morning before the caffeine kicked in and though they said the field of GOP Presidential hopefuls include George Takei. 

 

Sadly, they said George Pataki.

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A newsperson was talking about Isis Spiders and I was wondering what that was until I realized she said ISIS Fighters.

 

The first time I heard Loretta Lynch on the news, I swear I heard Loretta Lynn and thought she went into politics.

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A newsperson was talking about Isis Spiders and I was wondering what that was until I realized she said ISIS Fighters.

 

The first time I heard Loretta Lynch on the news, I swear I heard Loretta Lynn and thought she went into politics.

Because my brain knows who Loretta Lynn is and does not know who Loretta Lynch is, I always hear Loretta Lynn.

 

ETA:  Because with enough caffeine I know the difference between hear and here.

Edited by DeLurker
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Not particularly humorous, but this morning I thought I heard, "California passed a law that would allow the criminally ill to use lethal drugs to terminate their lives," which I thought was very interesting, given over-crowded prisons in Cali since the mental health facilities were shut down in the '80s, and exacerbated by the later Three Strikes laws.

But, of course, it was terminally ill, not criminally ill.

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I was watching the news this morning before the caffeine kicked in and though they said the field of GOP Presidential hopefuls include George Takei. 

 

Sadly, they said George Pataki.

 

I can't even lie, I'd campaign like whoa if George Takei was running for President.

 

Criminally Ill would be a great album title.

 

The Beastie Boys must have thought so, they released Licensed to Ill in 1986.

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