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Dear Diary: Question of the Day(s)

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As a woman who wears size 11 shoes and who can almost palm a basketball--small hands.  I assume they would be proportional to my body so I would then get smaller feet. 

I'm going to be an outlier here I presume and go with proctologist.  I don't think it would be as bad as dealing with the nasty mouths so many people have.  

I sweat too much for it to be honey.  I could learn to live with a vague whiff of skunk. 

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1. Big feet, so long as still a size where cute shoes are available.  (I wear a size 10 or 11 shoe, depending on the style [sometimes I need extra width, and more shoes come in 11 than 10W], so I already have big feet and it doesn't bother me.)  If I'd be stuck with three pairs of orthopedic shoes, I'll take small hands, as long as they're not so small I can't even get a grip on tools to fix/build things.

2. I have no idea why being a dentist is supposed to be something I'd only choose if there was a worse option.  So, yeah, dentist.  Good money, good hours, and you're your own boss.  (I don't consider being a proctologist a terrible fate, either, but dentist would be my pick of the two if for no other reason than my patients would spend a lot of their time unable to talk.)

3. By sweating honey, do that mean actual sticky honey emerging from my pores, not just that my sweat would smell like honey?  And do I sweat it all the time, so I'm always covered in a fine layer of sticky, brown substance, as opposed to just when I work up a sweat, I sweat honey?  If we're talking always walking around with actual honey on my skin, making everything stick to me and staining my clothes and sheets, I'll smell vaguely of skunk and counteract it with a stronger fragrance. 

Basically, two requires absolutely no deliberation, but I'd need more details on one and three to make a definitive choice.

Edited by Bastet
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I'm going with big feet. Tiny hands just seems like it would be more inconvenient for all the things I do with my hands.

I'd rather be the proctologist. While the doctor job would come with occasionally dealing with very serious illnesses, the dentist job would come with small talk, people constantly lying to me, and having to listen to that drill sound every day. 

I'm going to go with vaguely smelling of skunk. I'll take my chances that I can find some combination of body sprays / cologne / scented soaps to mask the problem.  That's got to be a better situation than being sticky and always in grave danger of being eaten by a bear.

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 I already have dainty little hands, that certainly aren't what one would consider small and chubby. Nope, dainty. We'll just stick with that. Don't want no clown feet. I got dainty little fat feet too.

I'd rather stick my finger up someone's bum than smell their stinky breath all up in my face. Turn that way. Yep, all the way around. Now cough.

I'm really sensitive to smells but you know what? I'll smell skunky if it will keep people 10 feet away from me. I'll get used to my own stink.

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56 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

The Would You Rather Series - Part 6

Would you rather...

  1. Have really small hands or really big feet? (Not comically small baby hands or giant clown feet, but definitely something people would notice if they took a closer look.)
  2. Be a Dentist or a Proctologist?
  3. Sweat honey or always smell vaguely of skunk?

1. Big feet.

2.  Proctologist.  Everyone comes in with a smile.  Granted, a vertical one.  Plus I ASSume, they make more money. 

3.  Sweat honey.

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1.  I think I'll take the big feet.  But in return, I want to live somewhere where it's warm enough year-round that I don't have to wear shoes -- or at least can get away with flip-flops.

2.  This was tough -- probably proctologist.  I'm not a fan of that dental drill sound, or the odor of tooth when it's being drilled.  I have a dental appointment tomorrow, and that might be affecting my decision.

3.  Smell a little skunky.  I'll get used to it, and it would certainly help with social distancing!  Honey would ruin all my clothes, towels and bedding, especially if I'm living in that warm climate for my feet.

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1.  I’ve got small hands so I guess I’ll stick with it. 
 

2.  Proctologist.  Loathe all dentistry and assume majority of my patients will be under anesthesia while I fix their bum ailments 

3.  Skunk all day long. Sweating honey would be a nightmare!  And skunk would appeal to a demographic so I’d chill with them we would listen to Widespread all day and feel glorious. Bonus- I can fund it- I’m an ass doctor!

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5 minutes ago, KnoxForPres said:

1.  I’ve got small hands so I guess I’ll stick with it. 
 

2.  Proctologist.  Loathe all dentistry and assume majority of my patients will be under anesthesia while I fix their bum ailments 

3.  Skunk all day long. Sweating honey would be a nightmare!  And skunk would appeal to a demographic so I’d chill with them we would listen to Widespread all day and feel glorious. Bonus- I can fund it- I’m an ass doctor!

For No. 2 any ass surgeries will have the patient cleaning it out the night before with a big ol' jug of that nasty koolaid crap. Plus plenty of time the rest of the day for 3. Win.

As to 3, I failed to think of that benefit, lol.

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1. Small hand.  I am all about the dainty.

2. Dentist.  As I work I'll hum

You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane

(also, my dainty little hands will be an asset)

3. Sweat Honey. I have a sweet tooth.  If I want something sweet, I'll do a few push-ups and lick my arm.

Edited by DearEvette
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1. Small hands. They're already pretty small anyway. 

2. Dentist. I don't want to be looking at asses all day long. Or doing other things to them. 

3. I was going to go with honey but I don't like being sticky. And I'm terrified of bugs and the thought of attracting wasps and bees to me makes me want to die. So, I will choose skunk. Hopefully I can cover up the smell with deodorant or soaps or something. 

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1.  Small hands, as it wouldn't be all that different anyway.  I have normal size feet but my hands don't match.

2.  Dentist.  It seems like a fairly lucrative job, and I would not be comfortable dealing with butts, especially when someone has a problem.

3.  Sweat honey, as I don't sweat that much except during part of my workout, so I figure I could just wash it off afterwards.  We can sometimes tell that a skunk has passed through the yard, and it is not something I want to smell on a regular basis.

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1. Big feet. I am short 5’1” and have smaller hands even for my size and they are not dainty in the least. They are stubby.

2. My first thought was Dentist but now I’m going with Proctologist because it seems actually less complicated. I’ve had so much dental work that I don’t need to hear that drill again anytime soon. 

3. Honey - but that might be a sticky mess. I’m kind of a mess anyway.

 

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If you could snap your fingers and become an expert in something, what would it be?

 

episode 1 clothes GIF by BBC

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13 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

If you could snap your fingers and become an expert in something, what would it be?

 

episode 1 clothes GIF by BBC

Picking the right lottery numbers.

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I may edit this later, but for now: 

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

If you could snap your fingers and become an expert in something, what would it be?

Making the right decisions.

Note: 
This answer popped into my mind before I read "picking the right lottery numbers,"  which I think would be included in "making the right decisions, as would the related "making the right investments," marrying the right person or deciding not to marry, etc. etc.

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2 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

If you could snap your fingers and become an expert in something, what would it be?

 

episode 1 clothes GIF by BBC

I have to go along with shapeshifter's answer

 

27 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Making the right decisions.

Note: 
This answer popped into my mind before I read "picking the right lottery numbers,"  which I think would be included in "making the right decisions, as would the related "making the right investments," marrying the right person or deciding not to marry, etc. etc.

As a socially awkward person I tend to screw up, especially when I get stressed.  When I get stressed, I screw up a lot.  Every word that comes flying out of my pie hole are horribly, horribly, wrong.  The more I panic the worse it gets, and my voice gets shaky and I sweat profusely.

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I guess I would go with cooking.  I'd probably still want fast food at times, but it would be nice to know how to easily whip up dishes that are healthier and (hopefully, if I'm an expert) taste good.

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The Would You Rather Series - Part 7

Would you rather...

  1. Would you rather be able to sing like diva or be able to play the guitar like a rock star?
  2. Would you rather suffer from spontaneous shouting or unpredictable fainting spells? (Please assume that you always miraculously escape unharmed from fainting, and that it never happens when you're driving or any other scenario that you can think up that would injure yourself or others.)
  3. Would you rather have to use a public toilet that is extremely dirty or a clean one that has a non-poisonous snake in it?

van halen GIF

Guidelines for the Would You Rather Series:

  • Let us know why you chose one over the other, especially if you have strong feelings about always wanting to be a dancer or eating pizza!
  • PM me with any of your own to include in future questions.
  • Please TRY to answer the questions with the assumption that you wouldn't die making one of the choices. For example, you will not die from obesity from eating Pizza or Ice Cream every meal. It's just "which one would you rather be stuck eating forever."
    - Unless the question is clearly asking you which dangerous situation you would rather face. Then you can assume you might die.
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Sing baby sing.

Shouting gonna keep them on their toes. I like that.

Omg gross. Like there's no contest. Poor little snake is getting peed on. Sorry, lil' buddy.

 

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1. Sing.  Any time I've learned a music instrument, I've been successful, so I'm sure if I wanted to play guitar I could learn to do that (not like a rock star, but well enough to make me happy).  But I cannot carry a tune with a forklift.  That does not stop me from belting out songs when I'm by myself, but I'd enjoy listening to myself a lot more if I sounded like a diva rather than a dying goose.

2. Shouting.  You said I wouldn't hurt myself if I fainted, but what if I fell on my cat?  So, shouting.  Also, with shouting, I can immediately explain why I just did that if I want to.  With fainting, before I came to and explained I'm fine, someone could have called for unnecessary help or started fussing with me.  Shouting is just easier all around.

3. Dirty toilet.  Snakes are one of my few phobias, so as irrational - by definition - as my fear around even a non-venomous snake is, it's intense.  And even if it's non-venomous, I don't want to get bit in the ass by it.  A dirty toilet I can just squat over.

Edited by Bastet
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1. Sing.  I am a passable singer (like I won't scare cats) but man, oh man, I want to be able to SANG!

2. Shout.  I am a control freak so the idea of being unconscious not in a place or time of my choosing freaks me out.

3. No contest!  Clean.  I am not afraid of any person or creature that is not trying to hurt me.  So you little non-poisonous snake in that sparkling clean bathroom -- you do you!

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1.  Sing.  I currently can't carry a tune in a bucket, but I would like to at least not embarrass myself.

2.  Shout, assuming I'm not shouting obscenities.  Not that I don't occasionally shout obscenities, but that's in a controlled environment where I know my audience.

3.  I'll take the snake.  If it's non-venomous, I'm just as likely to reach in the clean toilet and take it out before I pee on it. 

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23 minutes ago, Browncoat said:

3.  I'll take the snake.  If it's non-venomous, I'm just as likely to reach in the clean toilet and take it out before I pee on it. 

Yeah. I just realized it didn't say we couldn't take lil' buddy out of the bowl first. So ha!

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I think I'd go with playing guitar, myself. I've always wanted to learn how to play one, and I think I might have a better time with that than I would singing.

Shouting. Apparently sometimes my voice tends to unintentionally get a bit loud as it is when I'm excitedly talking about something and whatnot, so there really wouldn't be much difference. 

Clean toilet with the snake, for the reasons others mentioned. 

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1. Guitar - I've always wanted to play guitar, so it would be awesome to play like a rock star.

2. Fainting - it's quieter

3. Clean one. - I hate dirty public toilets.  So I could suffer a non poisonous snake hanging out.

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1. Singing, as I've always enjoyed it, but even in choir I was always in the background and it would be fun to have a voice that impressed someone other than my cat (who's probably just buttering me up for treats).

2.  Shouting, because the idea of fainting just scares me (and probably anyone around me) even if I didn't end up hurt.

3.  I guess the snake toilet if I could be sure snake was non-poisonous (I don't know much about snakes), as I tend to gag and come close to getting sick around a toilet as disgusting as my mental picture of the one described.

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  • Would you rather be able to sing like diva or be able to play the guitar like a rock star? Play guitar like a rock star. I've always wanted to play guitar.
  • Would you rather suffer from spontaneous shouting or unpredictable fainting spells?  I'll go with spontaneous shouting. Passing out at odd times would be too disorienting.
  • Would you rather have to use a public toilet that is extremely dirty or a clean one that has a non-poisonous snake in it? Dirty toilet. I DON'T do snakes. At. All. and, I can hover.
Edited by SweetieDarling
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20 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

The Would You Rather Series - Part 7

Would you rather...

  1. Would you rather be able to sing like diva or be able to play the guitar like a rock star?
  2. Would you rather suffer from spontaneous shouting or unpredictable fainting spells? (Please assume that you always miraculously escape unharmed from fainting, and that it never happens when you're driving or any other scenario that you can think up that would injure yourself or others.)
  3. Would you rather have to use a public toilet that is extremely dirty or a clean one that has a non-poisonous snake in it?

1.   Would rather sing like a diva.  I would really rather be able to write music, that is where the money is made.  Of course I wouldn't be too happy if someone wanted to use my music to sell hemorrhoid cream.

2.  Fainting spells.  As a kid I was a very loud talker.  People complained so much, now I mumble.

3.  Reluctantly, I will "go" with extremely dirty.  I would want to remove the snake from the toilet so he wouldn't be harmed.

* Will we be getting back to the who would play you in a movie question?  Just wondering.  I believe that was going to be a question you had talked about back when you asked about who would play our parents.

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1 hour ago, icemiser69 said:

Will we be getting back to the who would play you in a movie question?

Thank you for reminding me! Yes, I will be sure to include that one soon.

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1. Sing! I can sing well enough to be in church choir, and now a Master Chorale, but never, ever as a soloist. I would love to be good enough to be enjoyable on my own.

2. Shout. I do that anyway when I get too excited so it would not be terribly out of character and fainting scares me.

3. Easy: I like snakes! So a clean toilet and a non-poisonous snake that I could meet and greet after I was done with my "business" would be ideal.

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2 hours ago, isalicat said:

1. Sing! I can sing well enough to be in church choir, and now a Master Chorale, but never, ever as a soloist. I would love to be good enough to be enjoyable on my own.

 

On 4/14/2021 at 8:38 PM, Annber03 said:

Shouting. Apparently sometimes my voice tends to unintentionally get a bit loud as it is when I'm excitedly talking about something and whatnot, so there really wouldn't be much difference. 

These are pretty much my answers for the first two. Couldn’t have said it better.

As for #3 — hypothetically I’ll say snake toilet, but in reality I’ll be holding it til I get home. I don’t go near dirty bathrooms or snakes.

(Also, “snake toilet” reminds me of “snake clown”.)
4E02112B-71BB-453A-9233-66E315999600.gif.505244eadff31a4e81da6ffceb6ac313.gif

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1. I would love to sing. I can't carry a tune to save my life. 

2. Shouting. I've fainted before and I get dizzy spells when I stand up too fast. They suck. 

3. Dirty toilet. I'll just line the seat with a bunch of toilet paper.  While I don't like snakes, I would feel terrible peeing on one. 

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For me:

  • Guitar all the way. I mean, it's a little late for me to get my rock star career underway, but forming a killer cover band will give me something to do when I retire. 
  • Shouting. I think it's interesting that all of my fellow introverts are like, "That's still better than fainting."
  • Dirty toilet. Not that I'm afraid of snakes; we own a pet snake in this house. It's more that I have a very high tolerance for "gross".  Three years in a fraternity house pretty much desensitized me to disgusting bathrooms and kitchens.
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10 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

Guitar all the way. I mean, it's a little late for me to get my rock star career underway, but forming a killer cover band will give me something to do when I retire. 

I can't really answer these, but I'll be happy to sing or play any instrument in @JTMacc99 's cover band whenever its stuff through 1973, after which I went off the grid for a couple of decades or so.

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1. Singing: I am beyond tone deaf and it would be nice to sing in the shower and not scare myself. Also, there are more opportunities in public to sing than play an instrument (was bad at that also)

2. Yikes, what a choice, I have a loud voice as it is and wish it was quieter. However, I have had serious fainting spells before including in the shower when I passed out. I think I will choose the shouting, because the fainting spells were really scary.

3. Non poisonous snake, not a question. All those years of camping and backpacking when I was younger.

Also, I could tell people that I snaked the toilet. 😜😝

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image.thumb.png.3fae888af1e858bf3b10bc863002c287.png

I like this one because, for me, it was Cake and uhhhh... 

Eventually I have decided it is Cake and Beer.  I do like beer, but I can make due without it.  

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Beer, 'cause I've never had it, so that's an easy choice right there, and...I dunno, maybe burgers? I like burgers, but I think I like the other remaining stuff on that list more. 

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Easy. I can't eat meat and I hate beer so 3 & 4.

25 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

Eventually I have decided it is Cake and Beer.  I do like beer, but I can make due without it.  

What kind of psycho eliminates cake! I just had a piece of my niece's birthday cake. Nom nom.

Hungry Cake GIF

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Oh, this one is easy for me: beer and soda. I don’t care for beer, so that’s no big loss. I do like soda, but in general I love food more than drinks.

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I'm a vegetarian, so this one is pretty easy.

Beer is an easy elimination.  Hate the taste of it, hate the smell of it.

I don't eat meat.

I do eat meat substitutes, though the high sodium content in some meat substitutes will cause my heart to start pounding like Phil Collins' drums in "In The Air Tonight".

Burger is my second elimination.

 

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This one's easy for me -- beer and soda.  I hardly ever drink either one as it is, though I'm much more likely to have a soda.

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1 hour ago, festivus said:

Easy. I can't eat meat and I hate beer so 3 & 4.

What kind of psycho eliminates cake! I just had a piece of my niece's birthday cake. Nom nom.

Hungry Cake GIF

Heh. Not going to lie, when I saw this one the first thing that popped into my mind was "What kind of psycho eliminates pizza?"  So I fully accept being labeled a psycho having pre-judged other people myself.

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Tacos and soda. I don't drink much soda (I'd rather drink beer) and I could live without tacos very easily.

Burgers, pizza, fries and cake are 4 of the main food groups aren't they?.

 

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Easy peasy - fries and soda.  I hate potatoes (so I'll only eat fries if they're really thin and crispy - tasting like fat and salt, not potato - and dipped in ranch dressing, and could happily never eat one again), and I drink soda (as a mixer) maybe once a year.

If I had to pick two among the things I actually enjoy, I'd choose beer and cake; I only have them occasionally, so I'd miss them, but not the way I'd miss tacos and pizza, which I make fairly frequently because they're so easy and versatile.  If not for the fact I keep half an eye on my carb intake, I'd eat them regularly.

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Beer and Soda.

It was a toss up between Beer and fries, but I actually eat more fries than I drink beer.  For alcohol I am a wine or mixed drinks person.  I haven't had soda in 10 years.  I create my own version using sparkling water and fruit juice.

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I've been on a low carb diet for two years - I've eliminated all of them except tacos which are made with a low carb tortilla.

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Super easy: Beer and soda. Haven't touched either in like 20 years except for two years ago when I was on a long road trip through a very hot place and ordered a Diet Coke (which I pretty much immediately regretted as for me, it tasted vile). I don't eat pizza, tacos or cake very often but would not want to eliminate them permanently, and a good hamburger is a wonderful thing once every couple of months.

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Soda easily.  Past that...  I'll go with burgers because I can always make a "burger" taco.  Right??

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JTMacc99

Reminder:  This isn't a discussion thread.  Either answer the question, or skip it and come back for the next one.   

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