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Quote Thread: Code phrases from the I Know An Alien Club

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A thread to post memorable quotes from the show(s), the books, and your home planet.

From S01.E09: Songs About Texas
   "Is your type angry cowboy?"
   "I dunno ... wizard murderer?"

   "...did you just threaten to tattle on us to our parents?"

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"Eventually I'll get to an appendage you actually care about."

"Is everyone in this town in love with Max Evans?"

"And you're always muttering in Spanish, like it's some secret language that no one understands but you, but hello, we're in New Mexico, we all speak Spanish!"

"To a bar, obviously."

"It's the jalopeño room... real spicy..."

"Please tell me you're not trying to navigate by the stars."

"Ohhhh I can lead the way, De Luca.  I'm one with the desert De Luca!  I'm basically a coyote, De Luca!"

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Apologies for taking the clever "Quote Thread: Code phrases and such from the ever-burgeoning I Know An Alien Club" and shortening it.  TPTB have a preference for shorter topic titles where possible. 

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From 1.9: "Songs About Texas":

You know, I knew something weird was going on, but "Max Evans is an alien murderer" wasn't top of my list.

[Kyle to Alex]: [You] brought a girl into the clubhouse? 
[Cameron to Kyle]: I'm 28 years old, served two tours, and could break 12 bones in your body in less than a second and a half. Who you calling a girl?

[Liz (in any version of Roswell)]: Maria DeLuca is her own savior. Every damn time.

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From 1.10: "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" captioning script, so some erroneous character attributions may occur:

[Isobel -- shortly after emerging from pod]: What?   Are you serious?   He's still president?   
[Liz or someone else]: I'm not putting you  back in a pod, Isobel.
[Isobel]: How is that even possible?  

[Liz]: I mean, this is bathtub gin, and anything can happen. 
         Kyle is going to examine you when he can, but everything seems stable.
         She's an alien again.

[Liz]: Pushing boundaries makes small minds very angry.

[Max]: Off duty? 
[Cameron]: Yeah, well, um, hunting an alien murderer isn't exactly official police business.
[Max]: You okay? I can erase your mind if you regret what you know now.
[Cameron]: What? You can do that? 
[Max]: No, but that would be pretty cool.

[Max]: Cam, aren't we skipping a step here? 
[Cameron]: Oh, you mean the part where I gasp and I faint because you're an alien? 
                   Or the part where I hate you for lying to me for years? 
                   Or the part where I ask if I should be worried about some freaky, interplanetary STDs? 

[Noah]:  I saw you in an egg, so I freaked out and bought a gun.
              I don't I don't I don't even want a gun.
              But I'm married to an egg person.
[Isobel]: Noah, could you put down the gun? 
              Baby, I come in peace.
. . .
[Isobel]: I really prefer "pod" to "egg.

[Noah]:  So, Max and Michael, too.
              Oh, God.
              They're cowboys.
[Isobel?]:And aliens.
[Noah]:  Cowboys and aliens. 
              It's against the laws of nature, Isobel.

[Noah]:   Did you get in my head? 
               Did you influence me? . . . 
               Did I even choose this sweater? 
[Isobel?]:God, Noah, no.
               I would never choose that sweater.

[Michael to Isobel]: Ooh, let me get this straight.
               You want to go home to your human husband 
               while an experimental alien-death-serum antidote 
               triggers repressed murder memories in your brain?

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8 hours ago, Whodunnit said:

Paraphrasing here:

Alex: All Jedi are telepathic.

Kyle: Well I never saw Star Trek.  

Hee. It went:

Kyle: I thought Isobel was the psychic and Michael was the Jedi.

Alex: All Jedi are psychic.

Kyle: I've never actually seen Star Trek.

Alex: Oh my God.

How genuinely horrified Alex was is what really cracked me up.

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There were some good lines in the last ep.

Alex on Michael spending time at the library. "Is 'the library' a new dive bar or something?"

Hallucination Max after Isobel scared the sheriff of with her sex toys: "That was incredible. And now I'm scarred for life. And death. And whatever comes after that."

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Steph: Okay, so you're watching heart surgeries (sighs) to try to impress a girl whose boyfriend is dying? Did I just wake up in a YA novel?

Kyle: Trust me, with our history, you can fill a whole series.

So meta I had to groan, but I feel obligated to put it here.


Liz: So you built an alien pacemaker in 7 hours?

Michael: My genius increases when I'm pissed off.


Isabel: Welcome back. You've been in a medically induced coma for twelve years. Taylor Swift is President now. Which, honestly, is for the best. 


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The plot may have been weird, but the dialogue was pretty funny at several points tonight.

Liz: "I've had my hand in your chest cavity, Max - your gynecologist can suck it."

Michael to Max: "Who are you texting? We're all here." (a funny way of pointing out the Pod Squad has never seemed to have real friends outside of each other)

David Anders: "Don't you like my song?" Alex: "Hauntingly beautiful."

Liz to Max: "I took your pants off before I even told you I love you!"

Isobel: "I went to a gay bar." Max: "Nope." Isobel: "And guess who I saw there? KYLE VALENTI." Max: "Extra nope." Isobel: "And obviously at first I thought I should take that Mustang for a ride."

Edited by Cristofle
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Max: So what is the worst thing you've ever done?

Liz: Do we have to start there?

Max: I believe in ripping the Band-Aid off.

Liz: Took you 20 years to tell me you loved me.

Max: Wow. Yeah. I'm-I'm evolving.


Alex: You want to split up? No, no. This is why I don't like horror films. The gay guy always dies first.

Maria: *pointed look*

Alex: Or second.

Maria: *pointed look*

Alex: Okay, that's fair. That look is fair.


Michael: Are you okay?

Maria: I'm in a freakin' cornfield!


Travis: I hate love triangles.


4 hours ago, Cristofle said:

Isobel: "I went to a gay bar." Max: "Nope." Isobel: "And guess who I saw there? KYLE VALENTI." Max: "Extra nope." Isobel: "And obviously at first I thought I should take that Mustang for a ride."

Isobel: Max. I'm not leaving. I haven't even told you about the lesbian part yet!

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Rosa: "Ground your intention?" I'm sorry, I don't speak rich lady at yoga.


Isobel: With great power comes great responsibility.

Max: Maybe don't remind her of all the Spider-Man movies she's missed.


Rosa: I swear to God, if you bring up alien puberty again...


Rosa: Where's my red jacket? Did you borrow it while I was dead?!


Kyle: Look, whatever episode of Grey's Anatomy we're stuck in, I want out.


Kyle: I know that face. You uncovered a conspiracy.


Maria: I saved a life today. And not just any life. Kyle Valenti's. And tomorrow he's gonna turn around and save five more lives. 

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Isobel: Or this bad bitch, she makes party favors for bachelorette parties. She can make literally anything into a penis.


Max: Should that guy even be driving? He can barely see. He introduced himself to me the other day. I've been coming here since I was 14.

Cameron: Oh, good, you're alive. How long have I been gone?

Max: Well, Taylor Swift is President.

Cameron: Oh, that's good. Someone less emotional in the oval office.

Edited by bettername2come
accuracy matters
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Liz: "Don't you dare say I have to stay because police business. Ya bar wench." (funnier because she slapped Max's ass when she said it)

Jesse Manes: "My uncle used to bring me here back when they had a more civil clientele that actually respected the history of this town." Max: "Well, if someone could only make America great again."

Isobel: "When I push myself too hard, I end up losing time or accidentally realizing my mom still thinks about her ex-boyfriend Rocco. Like, in vivid detail."

Jesse: "I failed." Alex: "Yes. But in way specifically?"

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19 hours ago, bettername2come said:

Kyle: I hate having a conscience.


Kyle: Dude. Anyone ever tell you you smell like rain?

Kyle (and Michael Trevino) brought his A game in this episode.   

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Isobel: I'm your cool Aunt Isobel.


Jenna: And I'm officially in too deep. I understood every word of that.


Jenna: Look, Watson, a clue.

Max: I'm not Watson. You're Watson.

Jenna: You're definitely Watson.


Jenna: I am not using my friendship with your girlfriend to steal alien steroids for you.


Alex: Yeah, they took the prosthetic. I tried to bludgeon my brother with it. 


Michael: Max Evans surrounded by beautiful women. I told you in middle school: It gets better.


Maria: Does she wanna kill aliens?

Michael: No, she's avenging her murdered lover.

Isobel: God, I love telenovelas.

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