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S08.E11: My Little Secret


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I rewatched just so I could see what it was AJ said when they pulled up to the minimoon house. He said, "If I see everyone else in this fucking place I don't know how we're gonna be able to control my reaction." Then Stephanie confirms that everyone else is there, "for sure." And AJ says, "This is gonna be a bad weekend." and some bleeped out profanity. 

The next scene is them walking in and AJ being immediately pissed off and demanding to know what everyone is doing in their house. Will makes a comment about the expression on AJ's face and why he looks as if he doesn't know what's going on. AJ threatens to go to a hotel and Will bursts into laughter in a way that made me laugh. I've never seen that guy so lively. It seemed like a great time before AJ and Stephanie arrived.

Anyway, if everyone else did know that it was going to be a group situation why did AJ behave as if he was surprised? 

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9 minutes ago, Soup333 said:

He said, "If I see everyone else in this fucking place I don't know how we're gonna be able to control my reaction." Then Stephanie confirms that everyone else is there, "for sure."

He said this literally as he was parking in between their cars. 

I think I spotted a BMW with a QN KRSTNE license plate and a Rav4 with a decal that said "I had sex with Luke and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker."

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2 hours ago, Drogo said:

He said this literally as he was parking in between their cars. 

I think I spotted a BMW with a QN KRSTNE license plate and a Rav4 with a decal that said "I had sex with Luke and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker."

That's all? 😄

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I would be mad too if I was offered a nice romantic minimoon like past seasons but you were going to be crammed into a little cabin with 3 other couples and shared bathrooms like some church retreat, so I can understand his being upset about it.  HOWEVER, AJ needs to act like a grownup.  Stuff doesn't always go your way and it wasn't any of the other couples fault.

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Well said:

31 minutes ago, doyouevengohere said:

I would be mad too if I was offered a nice romantic minimoon like past seasons but you were going to be crammed into a little cabin with 3 other couples and shared bathrooms like some church retreat, so I can understand his being upset about it.  HOWEVER, AJ needs to act like a grownup.  Stuff doesn't always go your way and it wasn't any of the other couples fault.

I agree completely. My point, earlier, had been that A.J. obviously *bought* that whiskey to bring along with him because he knew he was a "mean drunk"! He wanted the "liquid courage" to tell Luke what he thought of him, among other things.

A.J. was completely fed up with all the intrusions of Production into his new marriage. He despised the way Puke treated Kate, and strongly disliked being around him. Most of all, he was furious at having recently been informed (at almost the 'last minute') that this season, couples would be cheated out of  the "mini-moon" couple retreats that previous MAFS couples had enjoyed, and in fact, they would instead be forced to share one rather cramped house (and only 2 bathrooms) among four couples! 

I'm not saying that what A.J. did was right. It wasn't, and it was very unfair to all the other couples who had likewise been 'cheated' out of' a "mini-moon" retreat. But I do think he had good reason to be angry.  

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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But.....but......but......!!!!!

AJ and all the others KNEW the mini-moon was going to be with all the other couples.  Pastor Cal told them so at the group dinner.  

It's not like production surprised them.  Which, even if they had, it's just part of a silly show.  Have a private mini-moon after filming is over.  But production didn't surprise them.  They were filmed, being told by Cal, that they would all be together.

Which is why Kristine & Keith got there early, to pick out the best room (which I don't blame them!).

So for AJ to fly off the handle that much, and for that long, is insane.

And he was rip-roaring mad before he got there, in the car.  Which, presumably, is before he even started drinking (unless he was drinking & driving, which.....that's a whole 'nother thing, but I can't believe the show would allow that).

All the couples arrived, chose their rooms, started fixing food, chatting, playing games, laughing.  

Until ominous AJ thunders in.  Cue scary Friday 13th music......

1 minute ago, Sterling said:

oops I didn't mean to quote myself!  sorry!
 

Edited by Sterling
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6 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

A.J. was completely fed up with all the intrusions of Production into his new marriage. He despised the way Puke treated Kate, and strongly disliked being around him. Most of all, he was furious at having recently been informed (at almost the 'last minute') that this season, couples would be cheated out of  the "mini-moon" couple retreats that previous MAFS couples had enjoyed, and in fact, they would instead be forced to share one rather cramped house (and only 2 bathrooms) among four couples! 

But in real life, shit happens.  Sometimes you want things to go one way and it goes 180 degrees in the opposite direction.  To me AJ showed that he can't deal with life when it doesn't go his way.  If he goes to nut city when production does stilly stuff, how will he react when life throws him a curve ball?

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This isn't wrong...

15 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But in real life, shit happens.  Sometimes you want things to go one way and it goes 180 degrees in the opposite direction.  To me AJ showed that he can't deal with life when it doesn't go his way.  If he goes to nut city when production does stilly stuff, how will he react when life throws him a curve ball?

...But it's a limited viewpoint, presumably based on A.J.'s being a drunken ass on the first night of the "mini-moon".  

I have said repeatedly that I think A.J. could benefit from therapy (probably for anger management [or whatever lies behind that anger] and for alcohol abuse). 

On the other hand, he seems to have done pretty well for himself in "real life," except in the romance department. (And that pressure-cooker contrived by Production and/or "the experts" was *not* "real life," nor was it a nice romantic "mini-moon".)

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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A.J. needs to grow up and seek anger management treatment and if he does have TBI, then he needs to seek out someone who specializes in those types of clients. Even if scenes were filmed out of order, which is possible, there is no excuse for how he decided to react to the situation of the group mini moon. No one was happy that it was a group thing but he made everyone even more uncomfortable and miserable including Stephanie, who he is supposed to be impressing enough that she would want to stay married to him. 

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Actually, none of the other couples seemed to be mad that it was a group thing.   They just went with it.  

His anger appeared in the car, long before he had his first sip of Scotch.

Oh, and the fact that he finished half the bottle by himself?  Maybe in addition to anger management, he needs AA.

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

But in real life, shit happens.  Sometimes you want things to go one way and it goes 180 degrees in the opposite direction.  To me AJ showed that he can't deal with life when it doesn't go his way.  If he goes to nut city when production does stilly stuff, how will he react when life throws him a curve ball?

Exactly!

Edited by Sterling
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6 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I have said repeatedly that I think A.J. could benefit from therapy (probably for anger management [or whatever lies behind that anger] and for alcohol abuse). 

I agree that he could benefit from therapy, but the sad thing is that he would have to see a problem and want to change before that could ever be effective, and he acts completely BLIND to having any problem at all.  When Dr. Blondie told him she was going to show some clips of some problem areas he reacted defensively like he was dead set against admitting to any kind of problematic behavior.  His reaction was so defensive that I suspect he has probably been told this before but still refuses to look in the mirror and own up to it.  And that's bad because as we all know you have to realize and admit to your problem before you have any chance of overcoming it.

6 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

On the other hand, he seems to have done pretty well for himself in "real life," except in the romance department. (And that pressure-cooker contrived by Production and/or "the experts" was *not* "real life," nor was it a nice romantic "mini-moon".)

Even really dysfunctional people can be very functional in certain areas of their lives.  I wish I had a dollar for every person I know that's very successful in their careers but a disaster in their personal lives.

And I kind of think its arguable that the show pressure is "not real life" - I think it is real life, or at least very similar to it.  I have been through a lot of situations in my own life that were equally as stressful and disappointing.  I once had a romantic getaway to a beach resort in the Hamptons that cost Mr. Yeah No and I a lot of money completely wrecked by rainy weather and we couldn't get our money back.  We went because we had no choice - It was either that or not go at all.  The first day was OK, just cloudy but the entire next few days rained cats and dogs thanks to a rare summertime Nor'easter.  We actually ended up having a great time because we made lemonade out of lemons.  Instead of beaching it we visited a winery, went to the movies, shopped in outlets and boutiques, ate in nice restaurants, etc.  I can just imagine AJ in that situation.  He would probably be so pissed off that it would put a pall on the situation and ruin any possible good time.  I think that even if he tried to have a good time he would not be able to manage it.  So I see him acting that way as being a more general problem with accepting the curve balls and obstacles life inevitably throws us.  In other words, he has to learn not to be a big crybaby whenever he doesn't get his way.  I pegged him for a tantrum kid right after that episode where he acted pissy about the "homework".  He seems to have never grown out of that, sadly.

Edited by Yeah No
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5 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

I have no idea if he’s doing well for himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if he works for himself because he’s go too many black marks on his records to be hired by anyone else. 

I listened again to AJ's life story and the accident. The time frame seems to be he was working for someone else till about 30 and decided to go out on his own. he seems to have some savings or maybe 401k to use to live on while he went out on his own. The next four years it is unknown how well or what his business status was. About 2 years ago he started up the staffing agency he has today. Hopefully his over 5  years of not dating and living alone was just hard work to start up his business? Trying to see things in a positive way. It can not be easy to start up a successful staffing agency. You have to make so many connections and work at them and have a lot of follow up. 

I know where I live staffing agencies are very popular to use and news ones are popping up. It takes a lot or work but also follow up and good record keeping. It is a very stressful business. My husband 16 years ago was paid via staffing company for 9 months and they did not send in his FICA and it took years to fix but because of one computer error , it tuned into huge legal trouble for that staffing company.

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As usual, Yeah No, I agree with most of what you say:

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I agree that he could benefit from therapy, but the sad thing is that he would have to see a problem and want to change before that could ever be effective, and he acts completely BLIND to having any problem at all.

Ironically, I think A.J. specifically buying that whiskey before driving to the the "mini-moon retreat" shows that A.J. knows he's a mean drunk. He might not admit it to a therapist, but it seems like he acknowledges it to himself, which is at least a small first step

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Even really dysfunctional people can be very functional in certain areas of their lives.  I wish I had a dollar for every person I know that's very successful in their careers but a disaster in their personal lives.

Agreed. A.J. definitely shows signs of being financially successful. 

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

And I kind of think its arguable that the show pressure is "not real life" - I think it is real life, or at least very similar to it.  I have been through a lot of situations in my own life that were equally as stressful and disappointing.

That's where I disagree with you, partly

You went on to describe a situation where you and your hubby went of a much-anticipated trip, found out the weather would be terrible, couldn't get your money back, and decided to go anyway. And you made lemonade out of lemons. (Good for you!)

AJ. probably would have thrown a fit over not getting his money back --although, as a businessman, he would probably consider weather 'an act of God' (-or nature, or whatever-) and might have gone anyway, eager to have some alone time with his wife. 

What enraged A.J. was being "jerked around" (manipulated) by MAFS and (from his point of view) being "cheated" out of a special weekend alone with Stephanie.

I think A.J. has major "issues" with being manipulated by others.

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AJ is a big fucking baby that throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. He's a petulant child that by this point in his life is not about to change.

The show that cramps his style so much is what got him a wife. He should view that as the price to pay for "happiness" or misery for Stephanie depending on which lens one looks through. 

250px-Babyhuey.JPG

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2 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

As usual, Yeah No, I agree with most of what you say:

You went on to describe a situation where you and your hubby went of a much-anticipated trip, found out the weather would be terrible, couldn't get your money back, and decided to go anyway. And you made lemonade out of lemons. (Good for you!)

AJ. probably would have thrown a fit over not getting his money back --although, as a businessman, he would probably consider weather 'an act of God' (-or nature, or whatever-) and might have gone anyway, eager to have some alone time with his wife. 

What enraged A.J. was being "jerked around" (manipulated) by MAFS and (from his point of view) being "cheated" out of a special weekend alone with Stephanie.

I think A.J. has major "issues" with being manipulated by others.

Hah, good point, but I think he would have been bitching about not getting a refund the entire time they were there making it impossible for them to just relax and have a decent time.  The resort I stayed in had no TV and no air conditioning.  It was one of those "get away from it all" places, but that only works if you can spend the day on the beach.  If he had to really work at having a good time when bitching about not getting the money back I don't think he'd be able to do that.

But how many situations in life do we encounter where we feel that we are being jerked around, manipulated and cheated out of something?  If I was like AJ I'd probably be seeing those situations everywhere in life.  I think there's a reason he hasn't spent much time out of his apartment in the past few years.  He can't cope with that stuff.

I actually know a guy that's a little like AJ.  He flies off the handle at perceived injustices even at the check-out line in a fast food place.  I don't think AJ is above that sort of behavior.  This guy once made such a scene in one that he put the "cross" on it and never set foot in it again.  Every time he passed it he would relive the situation and throw yet another "mini" tantrum just recalling it.  When he told the story I thought he was nuts and that he was reading more into the situation than was there.  Now mind you, that was a perceived injustice blown out of proportion.  But life also throws us a lot of very real ones that we are justified in getting upset about to some degree, just not the degree to which AJ takes it.  I don't think AJ could handle working in a corporate situation.  Life's often not fair but we have to grow up and accept that.

Thanks @configdotsys for the Baby Huey comparison, LOL!  🤣

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I just had this thought.  The thing with AJ is not that he's upset that the show is jerking him around so that he can't enjoy his time with his wife.  It's that he is not in control of everything, and he must be in control of everything.  Otherwise he wouldn't throw a tantrum to make it even more impossible to enjoy time with his wife.  He would try to do his best to make the best of a less than perfect situation instead.  If AJ is not in control he can't have a good time and no one gets to have a good time because that's the most important thing, not the other people's happiness.  He is full of crap about that and fooling himself.

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13 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I actually know a guy that's a little like AJ.  He flies off the handle at perceived injustices even at the check-out line in a fast food place.  I don't think AJ is above that sort of behavior.  

Thanks @configdotsys for the Baby Huey comparison, LOL!  🤣

You are welcome. I can totally see AJ flipping out at clerks in stores when he doesn't get his way. Notice that he works solo as a "staffing company." I'm guess he'd be the office diva if forced to work with people and since he can't play nice he starts his own business that does not require him to work with other people. If he is a headhunter or whatever, then he is calling the shots for his clients who are likely very grateful when he finds them a job. He chose a career with limited interaction and no colleagues to deal with, and one that gets him thanks and praise because he likely can't handle life any other way.

That works well when you are truly by yourself. I just don't think AJ can handle having to be considerate of the wants and needs of others but instead just lashes out at them especially if he disagrees. We see it with Stephanie's clipped "Okay," every time he gets into diva mode. He can cease to work with a difficult client if he chooses, but in a marriage it's not the same thing.

I think he's happy now (in a sort of manic way) because he has a companion to chill and do things with and is getting some on the regular, but I just don't see this bliss lasting once things get more settled. I don't even think a Snickers would help. 

Edited by configdotsys
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I get why AJ was angry but the way his anger manifests itself is just unacceptable. He should have channeled it into constructive commentary, which the show might never have aired, but it would have been a more mature way of doing things. I'm the first to say that I think the show manipulated a lot of footage when it came to AJ, the packing scene being a prime example of that, but some of it is on him especially the mini moon freakout. His behavior during the mini moon seemed unhinged. 

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18 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

On the other hand, he seems to have done pretty well for himself in "real life," except in the romance department. (And that pressure-cooker contrived by Production and/or "the experts" was *not* "real life," nor was it a nice romantic "mini-moon".)

But if those things drive AJ over the edge, what would happen if he were faced with a real problem.  Production's antics aren't real problems IMO.  Real problems are floods and tornadoes and hurricanes destroying your home.  How would AJ deal with something like that?

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13 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But if those things drive AJ over the edge, what would happen if he were faced with a real problem.  Production's antics aren't real problems IMO.  Real problems are floods and tornadoes and hurricanes destroying your home.  How would AJ deal with something like that?

200.gif

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2 hours ago, Neurochick said:

But if those things drive AJ over the edge, what would happen if he were faced with a real problem.  Production's antics aren't real problems IMO.  Real problems are floods and tornadoes and hurricanes destroying your home.  How would AJ deal with something like that?

I can’t even imagine being snowed in with that guy. Can just see him drunk, cursing at the snow and getting on Stephanie’s last nerve. 

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I was just watching Puke and Kate again by the waterfall... the scene where she "chickened out" and *didn't* tell him the secret that she told the secret to Dr. Pepper.

There is a reason why therapy is supposed to be a "safe" zone for people who seek help. Whatever a person says to their therapist is strictly confidential (UNLIKE anything that MAFS participants say to the so-called "experts" on this show)!  Kate desperately wanted expert help in figuring out how to handle her situation.

But imho, the best thing to do would have been to vent to a professional, discuss the best way to deal with it, and then never, ever tell Luke that she had discussed it with anyone!!  

There is nothing "safe" about talking to MAFS "experts".  

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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And, Crazy Bird Lady, that was evidenced tonight when Luke told Kate he knew she would tell, because she always does. When she asked for an example, he gave the one about what he said about feeling repulsed and dead inside. He took that as a betrayal. 

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5 hours ago, Retired at last said:

And, Crazy Bird Lady, that was evidenced tonight when Luke told Kate he knew she would tell, because she always does. When she asked for an example, he gave the one about what he said about feeling repulsed and dead inside. He took that as a betrayal. 

Poor Luke. How dare Kate tell someone when he says all matter of bullshit to her. Asshole.

You can tell Luke has never experienced an accidental knee to the balls.

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I found this episode boring. Every episode has the same thing: Kate expressing confusion; Stephanie talking about AJ's frustrations; Will making it very clear that he's not interested in Jasmine; and Kristine and Keith being just there.

Kate continues to be a moron with her "I am just so confused. I don't know what to do because he's like, not attracted to me?" Oy. What a pathetically desperate woman. She asks him if he's interested even when she is not drinking and he says no. And gets "weird" after sex. But Kate remains "confused" and unsure of what to do.

Will seems completely checked out. Good for him.

I think Stephanie will stay with AJ despite her reservations. It's kind of like living in a place and staying there not because you love it there, but because of the pain in the ass it is to look for something better and then get your shit all moved and start over again in a new area. 

Not much to say about Kristine and Keith. I think they will stay together but they just seem to want such different things.

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On 3/18/2019 at 4:06 PM, Sterling said:

But.....but......but......!!!!!

AJ and all the others KNEW the mini-moon was going to be with all the other couples.  Pastor Cal told them so at the group dinner.  

It's not like production surprised them.  Which, even if they had, it's just part of a silly show.  Have a private mini-moon after filming is over.  But production didn't surprise them.  They were filmed, being told by Cal, that they would all be together.

Which is why Kristine & Keith got there early, to pick out the best room (which I don't blame them!).

So for AJ to fly off the handle that much, and for that long, is insane.

And he was rip-roaring mad before he got there, in the car.  Which, presumably, is before he even started drinking (unless he was drinking & driving, which.....that's a whole 'nother thing, but I can't believe the show would allow that).

All the couples arrived, chose their rooms, started fixing food, chatting, playing games, laughing.  

Until ominous AJ thunders in.  Cue scary Friday 13th music......

But  together can mean all in the same hotel, or all in close proximity, it doesn't necessarily mean you're all being in the same little cabin sharing bathrooms.  That is a Mini mess, not a minimoon. 

On 3/20/2019 at 9:23 AM, configdotsys said:

I found this episode boring. Every episode has the same thing: Kate expressing confusion; Stephanie talking about AJ's frustrations; Will making it very clear that he's not interested in Jasmine; and Kristine and Keith being just there.

Kate continues to be a moron with her "I am just so confused. I don't know what to do because he's like, not attracted to me?" Oy. What a pathetically desperate woman. She asks him if he's interested even when she is not drinking and he says no. And gets "weird" after sex. But Kate remains "confused" and unsure of what to do.

Will seems completely checked out. Good for him.

I think Stephanie will stay with AJ despite her reservations. It's kind of like living in a place and staying there not because you love it there, but because of the pain in the ass it is to look for something better and then get your shit all moved and start over again in a new area. 

Not much to say about Kristine and Keith. I think they will stay together but they just seem to want such different things.

 Kate needs to walk away from this guy. He is such a jerk . After this I hope women do not date him. I think there's something really weird and wrong about him. He is using her, after all he has sex with her but pretends he doesn't. I can't stand him. And I don't like the guy with the attitude in the anger.

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(edited)
On 3/13/2019 at 2:36 AM, Gem 10 said:

She has the mentality of a doorknob.

On 3/13/2019 at 10:32 AM, shouldbedancing said:

I think Luke has some deep seated mental problems. Possibly being gay is only scratching the surface. He really scares me. I really don't understand how they didn't screen him out. His "United Nations" posse of past girlfriends was just a cover up. Maybe that's why he wasn't so specific about type. If you date girls from all sorts of groups and social circles, your poor behavior doesn't get back to their friends and friends of friends and so on. You keep it more silo'd. I just think he's a psycho in the making.

Please don’t insult my Doorknobs!  My doorknobs happen to be very, very intelligent.......

How do you know about Puke’s (love that!) past girlfriends,  pray tell???  How do you know this stuff??!

Spoiler

Honestly, I think they should match you up with the type of person you are interested and attracted to. There must have been somewhere on that MAFS questionnaire where they asked for your preferences in age and Physical characteristics. If you are interested in ‘darker’ females with dark eyes & hair, why fix them up with a blue-eyed blonde? And Keith liked tall women with big booties, so why match him up with a petite, slim, small-bootied (is that a new word I made up?!!) female? If he wants a big booty, give him one. Surely they’re NOT hard to find........

I like beards on certain people. I’m surprised 3 out of the 4 grooms had beards. I’d like to see Luke lose his beard. (Not that it matters to me!)

How do you Delete something? The “spoiler”  thingy was put there by accident but I don’t know how to delete it. 👎

Edited by Purplelady25
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I hope they wrap this show up tonight.  I cannot take anymore of Puke with that stupid hat.  If they only do two couples tonight and save the last two for next week, I might smash my t.v.  So sick of this whole thing.

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22 minutes ago, Kareem said:

I think it's all happening tonight, Gem. That's the good news. Bad news is power is out here. 

Oh no.  Of all nights.  You probably can’t even tape it on the dvd.  Bummer.  You’ll have to read the thread, if u have an I pad fully loaded.  I meant dvr.

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38 minutes ago, Kareem said:

I think it's all happening tonight, Gem. That's the good news. Bad news is power is out here. 

Lifetime has the episodes on their website... after the fact, but it should be there tomorrow.

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Thanks so much!   It was restored 10 minutes before the show was over so I was able to see K & K, and the preview of the reunion!  Just read here what had happened with the rest and hope that AJ doesn't continue to torment Steph... 

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Super late to the party but just catching up on past seasons I missed. I don’t see Kate as dumb at all. She’s a woman trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship until the end of the “experiment.” It’s easy to judge from afar, I would have said the same thing a few years ago but having been in my own slightly similar relationship, I can totally see what he’s doing. Gaslighting her, making it all her fault, little jabs here and there to crush her self esteem then acting like he’s the sane, rational, loving one to everyone else. Isolating her from everyone... it’s sad and I feel for her. You see her completely change over the 7 weeks. 

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