S23.E09: Week 9

[OnceSane]

Quote

Colton and the three remaining women embark on a journey to the Algarve region of Portugal. It's a trip full of major surprises, high anticipation and extreme anxiety.

[dizzyd]

Yay, fence jump day! Let's go. The 🍷 is flowing 😊

[Armchair Critic]

This fence jump and the aftermath better be some good drama after this build up.

The past few episodes I have had a weather warning on the bottom of my screen from my local station (Polar Vortex 2 over here) while watching this, then with the American Idol promo on the other side and also the ABC logo this is getting annoying.

[saber5055]

First mention of "virgin": Three minutes in.

I've always wanted to go to Portugal. I'd even spend a night in the FJ with Colt-ton if I could go on that trip.

LOL, they showed where the Algarve is on a map. Ha ha ha! Guessing Colt-ton and the three b-ettes needed to see that map more than viewers. "Por-two-girl ... what's that?"

So now he's all "ready" and excited about losing his virginity (*drink*) in the FJ. Please.

Yeah, that fence jump better be major.

[talktoomuch]

I can't wait for this season to be over just so I can stop hearing them butcher his name. Colton does NOT have a silent "t" nor a short "u" in it.

[JenE4]

Oh, now we know why he told every girl/family he’s falling in love—because if he’s “in love,” he’ll be ready to “make love.” Yuck. He’s going for some type of virginity loss hat trick, a trifecta of hoochiness.

[Mabinogia]

He's only "in love" with them because his "first time" has to be with someone he "loves" so....

What I'm wondering is if these gals are going to get a cash bonus if they bed him. Because after all this virgin talk, if he doesn't pop his man cherry it's going to be very disappointing. lol

[Armchair Critic]

The main reason I am still watching this show (besides this forum) is it's the only show my mom watches, she likes Tasia.

[Mu Shu]

6 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Oh, now we know why he told every girl/family he’s falling in love—because if he’s “in love,” he’ll be ready to “make love.” Yuck. He’s going for some type of virginity loss hat trick, a trifecta of hoochiness.

If he says make love one more time  I swear to god.  Shit the fuck of snd jump the damn fence you poop face. 

[saber5055]

If a guy says he's falling in love with me, I don't want him laughing when he says it. (Colt-ton to Taysha)

[Armchair Critic]

Just now, Mu Shu said:

If he says make love one more time  I swear to god.

It is the opposite of sexy the way he talks about sex

[heat]

I missed the first 15 minutes, did I miss anything? Lol. Did they follow up that he needed to talk to Chris last week? 

[saber5055]

This whole season has been about C. being a virgin *drink* and now all the talk is about him TALKING about losing his virginity *drink*.

Now the WTA promo: "Are you still a virgin?" *drink*

I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take. Bring on the travel porn and forget about C's dick problems. It's so junior high, and I haven't been 12 for a long time.

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, heat said:

I missed the first 15 minutes, did I miss anything?

Um, let's see, Colton is a virgin, Colton is going to the fantasy suite with three women he's "falling in love with" Colton might lose his virginity. He and Tayisha went in an aircraft. They are in a pretty place in Portugal.

[JenE4]

They keep saying “edge of the world.” Are they flat-earthers?

That was some strange preview. Losing his virginity was so “electrifying” that they popped a fuse at the hotel? Is that what they were going for? I’m confused by the lack of train whistles and sounds of orangutans in heat, as per usual with this show.

3 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

It is the opposite of sexy the way he talks about sex

I think it made my hymen grow back.

[saber5055]

3 minutes ago, heat said:

I missed the first 15 minutes, did I miss anything? Lol. Did they follow up that he needed to talk to Chris last week? 

You missed learning that Colt-ton is a virgin. That's important, so make a note of that.

He talked to CH again tonight but maybe it was the same talk that they ran again. C. just said he now knows what the FJ is for (grinning) and he's ready to lose his virginity. Because he's a virgin. Did you know that?

[Mu Shu]

8 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

It is the opposite of sexy the way he talks about sex

It Is so unsexy.  He’s setting sexy way back.

i do appreciate Tayshia’s enunciation.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Mu Shu

[saber5055]

Did Taysha just flash a nip at Colt-ton?

1 minute ago, Mu Shu said:

He’s setting sexy way back.

That could be a new JT tune. Good one!

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

Because he's a virgin. Did you know that?

Wait! Who's a virgin? Colton? NO WAY!!!!!! But he's soooo smooth with the women. He's such a sexy stud. *bwahahahhaaaaa spits wine all over my keyboard* And Bachelor costs me yet another laptop. 

[Mu Shu]

What is FJ?  Fuck joint? 

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

Did Taysha just flash a nip at Colt-ton?

Dude, that was the most genuine moment of this season. It was the first time I saw any actual chemistry, beyond "ooh, pretty girl, will she be the one who makes me a man? I'm scared!"

Just now, Mu Shu said:

What is FJ?  Fuck joint? 

Well, basically yeah.

He is totally grinning like a 15 year old boy who knows he's about to get laid for the first time. 

[Mabinogia]

He just prematurely popped his cork. Yep, that is exactly how it's going to go tonight Colton. 

[bosawks]

When I think of sex I always think of short program ice dance music... 

[saber5055]

Like I really needed him telling us how many different sex acts he's done. This season is such a big ugh. Although I guess it's cool if you're 12 (or younger).

[Armchair Critic]

I know we are modern women, blah blah blah... but I still wouldn't be happy seeing my daughter sitting on the bed waiting to deflower some doofus.

[JenE4]

2 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

He just prematurely popped his cork. Yep, that is exactly how it's going to go tonight Colton. 

You know some PA shook that bottle up right before filming just to get that shot. Never change, show.

[dizzyd]

Got to say, this episode has been quite entertaining so far. Nip slips, alcohol and you guys cracking me up, what more could I ask for? Well maybe a 🐝 strategically pollinating a flower.

Edited March 5, 2019 by dizzyd

[nutty1]

I feel voyeuristic.....uck. And like watching a 15 year old boy. 

[Mu Shu]

3 minutes ago, bosawks said:

When I think of sex I always think of short program ice dance music... 

Original dance.  

[saber5055]

12 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

I’m confused by the lack of train whistles and sounds of orangutans in heat, as per usual with this show.

Yeah, but you got the premature champagne cork pop, to quote  @Mabinogia. So all is good in the film-editor's room.

Which reminds me, last week on the first hometown C and the woman went on a carriage ride. And when she said something, the camera shifted to the rear end of the horse pulling the carriage. Looking back, this was the editor's way of telling us she was toast and going home. And she did.

[Armchair Critic]

OMG I am embarrassed for them in bed in the morning......awkward. OOPS they "didn't have the physical intimacy I wanted" said Tasia.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Armchair Critic

[saber5055]

Oh oh, C says he enjoyed their "conversation" and T said she enjoyed their "private" time. It's all clues, people, clues! And no "physical intimacy" per T. Colt-ton lives to be a virgin *drink* another day!

[Mu Shu]

In other words, Tayshia had to settle for giving him a handjob.  Fucking gross.

[Armchair Critic]

I can't believe I am asking this but.. so he is still a virgin? GAH! Somebody just mount him and get it over with.

Edited March 5, 2019 by Armchair Critic

[Mabinogia]

2 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Yeah, but you got the premature champagne cork pop, to quote  @Mabinogia. So all is good in the film-editor's room.

Which reminds me, last week on the first hometown C and the woman went on a carriage ride. And when she said something, the camera shifted to the rear end of the horse pulling the carriage. Looking back, this was the editor's way of telling us she was toast and going home. And she did.

The editors are the best thing about this show. That and hanging out online with you fine, hilarious folks. 

[nutty1]

Neither looks that happy right now. 

[ECM1231]

No sex for Tayshia. I wonder if the 2 who don't do the deed with Colton will realize they are not the one?

[saber5055]

Oh no, bad mojo for Taysha ... she's "walking him out." That's the line right before the rejected one gets in the Limo of Shame for the ride to the airport.

And C admits he's "thinking about the other two relationships."

Bye Taysha. See ya in Paradise.

[JenE4]

Soooo... Colton’s still a virgin and Tayshia is disappointed and uncomfortable by what a bumbling doofus he is. I don’t think he’s going to “pop his cork” with any of them.

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, Armchair Critic said:

I can't believe I am asking this but.. so he is still a virgin? GAH!

I'm going to say yes. He probably got too excited about the prospect of losing it and spilled it too soon/missed the target/pre-launched. 

If he isn't anymore, I'm curious if T was really his first FSer. I'd have mixed feelings. On the one hand, at least you're not getting next day sex, on the other hand, whoever gets there first is not going to get a good performance. 

[heat]

I can’t see him going to the bone zone with any of the ladies. He’ll say he’s going to wait until he picks the final one...and then I can see the tell-all about how he doesn’t lose it then either. 🙄

[Mabinogia]

Just now, heat said:

I can’t see him going to the bone zone with any of the ladies. He’ll say he’s going to wait until he picks the final one

Which really, given how important he has said being in love with the first one is, makes total sense. I mean, he isn't "in love" yet, he's only "falling in love" so far. 

[saber5055]

7 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

but I still wouldn't be happy seeing my daughter sitting on the bed waiting to deflower some doofus.

I'm not all that happy watching people I don't know waiting to deflower this doofus.

1 minute ago, heat said:

I can’t see him going to the bone zone with any of the ladies. He’ll say he’s going to wait until he picks the final one..

That gets my vote too.

6 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

You know some PA shook that bottle up right before filming just to get that shot. Never change, show.

Exactly my thought too, that sneaky PA.

3 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

I can't believe I am asking this but.. so he is still a virgin? GAH! Somebody just mount him and get it over with.

I'll pass. But maybe there is a volunteer here somewhere ...

3 minutes ago, nutty1 said:

Neither looks that happy right now. 

I just looked in the mirror and my face has the same expression. *ugh*

"There's a possibility that at the end of the evening we will be in love."

Okay guys, is that how it works with you? It takes me more than a couple hours for that to happen to me.

[Armchair Critic]

He actually does seem like a nice guy but he gives off such a kid brother vibe, he has no mojo.

[saber5055]

Oh no, is the Arie-up-against-the-wall kiss now in every script for this show?

[Mu Shu]

I’m going to watch a juicy pimple popping video until the fence jump comes up. 

[ECM1231]

Medusa reference. Cassie has a few brain cells in that pretty little head of hers!

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, Armchair Critic said:

He actually does seem like a nice guy but he gives off such a kid brother vibe, he has no mojo.

Yes, he does seem very sweet but oh so inexperienced (no, I don't just mean sex, though that's been covered). This season really has been Bachelor: Junior Edition

[Armchair Critic]

1 minute ago, Mabinogia said:

Yes, he does seem very sweet but oh so inexperienced (no, I don't just mean sex, though that's been covered)

I would be very leery to settle down with him now, he has so much to experience yet and I would be afraid he would have an early mid life crisis and want to make up for lost time.

[Ripley68]

I just don't get the vibe that Cassie is into him at all.  He definitely is way into her, she seems to be biding time.