S07.E16: Storyteller

[Joe Hellandback]

The Good; The wonderful Andrew in the kitchen fantasy sequence, all the straight to camera stuff and Spike's conceit towards the camera. The hilarious 'We are gods' sequence complete with unicorn. But who cares because the Cheese Man from Restless is back!

The Bad; Do we really believe that Andrew can read an ancient demon language and yet doesn't bother to translate what's on the knife? Wouldn't the Invisible Girl be a useful ally against the First? Or does it matter as the Bringers are blind anyway? Andrew says that Buffy has no steak knives, so what did she stab the Queller demon with?

Best line; Andrew (describing Dawn); "Bubbly and sweet with a hunger for fun and a smile that lights up the room"

Jeez!; According to Willow's research Greek cookbooks like to use goat's tongues. Let's hope the Supersizers don't get around to ancient Greece, I doubt even Sue and Giles could eat that (Giles Coren that is, not Rupert Giles). Exploding heads too although that's just implied.

Kinky dinky; Buffy apparently dreams of running for the bus whilst naked. Oddly whilst much of this ep confirms our suspicions of Andrew as gay he glosses over cute but unconventionally pretty Amanda in the kitchen scene for the blonde bimbo whose name he doesn't even know, a very hetero male thing to do. Anya is suspicious as to what Andrew is doing by himself in the bathroom with a video camera, stating that everyone else just masturbates in there. Anya and Xander get it on once more, in Spike's bed in the basement! Revenge for Xander having to put Spike up in his basement and closet? Anya comments that she's a 'spitfire' in bed whilst they both agree that this was an act of closure and comment that it's a shame Buffy took Spike's chains down. Dawn wears a remarkably revealing top, showing her now formidable cleavage off to all

Spoiler

(I think the only reason they made Dawn into a centaur in the comics was an excuse to draw topless pictures of Michelle Tractenberg).

Captain Subtext; Willow and Kennedy kissing and totally ignored by Andrew? Hmmmmmm? The Playboy test for heterosexuality (enjoying the thought of 2 or more women together)and he failed it completely. Guess the pair got over the events of 'Get it done'. Andrew also thinks that the tension between Woods and Spike is sexual in nature. Note Spike is topless in Andrew's kitchen fantasy. Andrew also admires Xander's skill with his hands 'Extraordinary' and implies that he thinks Jonathon is cute. In his fantasy Andrew has Warren commenting he's good-looking. Andrew and Jonathon share a bed together whilst on the run. Andrew says that Jonathon promised to buy him a 'burro'.

Guantanamo Bay; The Scoobs don't hesitate to threaten and rough Andrew up.

Apocalypses; 7, Buffy says that there are 'hundreds upon hundreds' Turok-Han in her vision implying tens of thousands. OK, if they got out it would be bad but against 6 billion humans armed with all our technology would it really be the end of the world?

Kills: two vamps killed by Buffy

Scoobies go evil: Wood possessed by the seal. Buffy says she never went evil but she did try to kill everyone in Normal Again.

Sunnydale deaths; the poor student whose head explodes Scanner's style 105

Total number of scoobies: 30 or so, going to add Andrew to the mix Xander, Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Anya, Spike, Giles, Kennedy, Molly, Vi, Rhona, Amanda, Chao-Anh, Wood, Andrew plus an indeterminate number of potentials, at least a dozen or more.

Dawn in peril; 14

Dawn the bashful virgin; 9

What the fanficcers thought; The erotic adventures of the nerds a staple of much slash fiction.

Questions and observations; The invisible girl at school is reminiscent of Marcie in 'Out of sight, out of mind', as Joss said it's all about getting back to the first season. Buffy also refers back to The Witch in that everyone hates the cheerleaders and to Amanda's loathing of the marching band in Potential. Unless someone can correct me the last appearance of Warren and Jonathon in the series. The poor piglet is still running around, I'd always assumed the Turok-Han ate it. Surprising that Buffy still let's Amanda and Dawn go to SDH. Note that Jonathon just wants Buffy to stick to her car if she's supermagnetic but Warren more viciously wants sharp things to fly at her. The flesh coloured plaster joke rather reminds me of Bloom County, one of my favourite comic strips, anyone else remember it? Where do people always get flaming barrel's from? Is there a picket line at SDH? Good thing Buffy had Spike's chip removed or he wouldn't have been able to fight the students. We see how The First forms it's Bringers. The important thing of course is that Andrew doesn't cry tears of pain or fear but of remorse, he's sorry for what he did. Andrew refers to Xander as the heart of the Slayer machine just as he was in Primeval. Can anyone tell me what exactly Andrew mouths to Amanda in the kitchen after he says 'Not you sweetheart'? Buffy mentions running to catch a bus in one of her dreams although she doesn't know where it's going and indeed

Spoiler

she does in Chosen (but not whilst naked).

Andrew refers to buying the sacrificial knife from a weapons dealer who also sells collapsible swords (like Wes has on Angel) and poison arrows (like Faith used on Angel). Be sure to watch to the end to catch the GrrrArrggh demon singing "We are gods!" Last appearance of Warren and Jonathon although Adam Busch plays a VERY Warren like character in an episode of Terminator; The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Marks out of 10; 8/10 Andrew comes into his own.

[Halting Hex]

Aka "The episode where a student's head explodes…and Buffy makes a joke about it."  

To put this in terms Andrew might understand, "Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar™, and beat Jane Espenson's head into a bloody mass of pulp with it."

0/10.  Because, honestly, FFS.

(Also, this is now two consecutive "I wonder what this ancient mystical object does?" episodes where they've chosen not to hire ASH.  That's like leaving early Xander out of two episodes about horny teenage boys.  Do the idiots running this show not understand anything about their characters? Again, FFS.)

Spoiler

Also, this episode marks the last time Buffy and Willow will have anything even resembling a conversation.  Buffy will make a sideways reference to "good guys not so good at communicating" in End of Days that's supposed to include Willow by implication, but Giles is in the room and it's to him that Buffy speaks.  So this one line of dialogue in the dining room (about the knife) is essentially it for the B/W friendship.  So long, girls…it was nice knowing you.

[Jack Shaftoe]

A season where everyone not named Buffy or Spike is in dire need of more screen time and character development and the writers decide to make an Andrew-centric episode?!? I honestly remember practically nothing from this episode and don't even want to skim the transcript because Andrew is that boring but I had to mention how dumb the premise was in the first place. Let's focus on Andrew, the guy who was shoehorned in the clumsiest of fashions i nthe first and has no connection whatsoever to any of othe main protagonists. Splendid idea, Jane, maybe next season you can make an episode about yourself since you are following the footsteps of bad fanfic authors anyway.

Edited November 20, 2018 by Jack Shaftoe

[Joe Hellandback]

20 minutes ago, Halting Hex said:

Aka "The episode where a student's head explodes…and Buffy makes a joke about it."  

To put this in terms Andrew might understand, "Timothy Dalton should get an Oscar™, and beat Jane Espenson's head into a bloody mass of pulp with it."

0/10.  Because, honestly, FFS.

(Also, this is now two consecutive "I wonder what this ancient mystical object does?" episodes where they've chosen not to hire ASH.  That's like leaving early Xander out of two episodes about horny teenage boys.  Do the idiots running this show not understand anything about their characters? Again, FFS.)

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Also, this episode marks the last time Buffy and Willow will have anything even resembling a conversation.  Buffy will make a sideways reference to "good guys not so good at communicating" in End of Days that's supposed to include Willow by implication, but Giles is in the room and it's to him that Buffy speaks.  So this one line of dialogue in the dining room (about the knife) is essentially it for the B/W friendship.  So long, girls…it was nice knowing you.

Yes, gallows humour, just what you expect from a police or military or medical veteran, Buffy doesn't go to pieces at every horrific sight because she can't. I'll look out for more Wuffy moments although Kennedy is rather hogging Will's time at the moment. 

[Halting Hex]

The "gallows humor" excuse that you keep trying to trot out has IMO been played out long ago.  Buffy's entire purpose is to protect innocent lives; if she no longer thinks that's important, why are we watching a show about her?  The fact that Buffy can show so little concern for those around her shows how much she (and the show) have been corrupted by fucking Spike, Spuffy, and the shithead writers who can't bother to keep characters consistent among all the cheap pandering.

If she finds innocent kids dying horrific deaths FUNNY, what does that say about her?  Either she's a fucking psychopath or she's got a case of PTSD the size of California, neither of which makes me want to watch her pollute my screen on a regular basis.  (When Buffy had PTSD in When She Was Bad, it was meant to be disturbing.  Here, Hacky Jane is just using it as a punchline.)

Besides that, Espenshit (god, how I fucking hate her) is clearly NOT making some statement on Buffy's psyche or anything such as that.  She's simply showing her contempt for the basic premise of the show (the "high school as hell" metaphor as a means to personal growth) with her "slap, I see you, invisible girl! All solved!" cheap dismissals so she can play with her "funny" toy, Andrew.

Sitcom Jane at her worst.  And she's got a lot of fucking worst.

[Loandbehold]

Worst episode of the series. And it isn't even close. Taking a useless and unfunny "comic relief" character and giving him an entire episode - amounts to 42:37 seconds of my life that I never got back. At least "Superstar" had the opening credits. There is nothing redeemable about this dreck.

12 hours ago, Joe Hellandback said:

The flesh coloured plaster joke rather reminds me of Bloom County, one of my favourite comic strips, anyone else remember it?

As purely an aside, Berkeley Breathed has resurrected Bloom County on facebook. He doesn't do a strip every day, but he is doing them again.

And now back to this piece of shit excuse for an episode. Actually, no. It's the worst. That's pretty much it.

1 hour ago, Halting Hex said:

0/10.

You're being too kind. We're into the negative imaginary numbers realm.

This episode is an abomination. I shall speak of it no more.

[Joe Hellandback]

23 hours ago, Halting Hex said:

The "gallows humor" excuse that you keep trying to trot out has IMO been played out long ago.  Buffy's entire purpose is to protect innocent lives; if she no longer thinks that's important, why are we watching a show about her?  The fact that Buffy can show so little concern for those around her shows how much she (and the show) have been corrupted by fucking Spike, Spuffy, and the shithead writers who can't bother to keep characters consistent among all the cheap pandering.

If she finds innocent kids dying horrific deaths FUNNY, what does that say about her?  Either she's a fucking psychopath or she's got a case of PTSD the size of California, neither of which makes me want to watch her pollute my screen on a regular basis.  (When Buffy had PTSD in When She Was Bad, it was meant to be disturbing.  Here, Hacky Jane is just using it as a punchline.)

Besides that, Espenshit (god, how I fucking hate her) is clearly NOT making some statement on Buffy's psyche or anything such as that.  She's simply showing her contempt for the basic premise of the show (the "high school as hell" metaphor as a means to personal growth) with her "slap, I see you, invisible girl! All solved!" cheap dismissals so she can play with her "funny" toy, Andrew.

Sitcom Jane at her worst.  And she's got a lot of fucking worst.

Come on, think about Xander in Go Fish about those boys loving their coach, Willow being 'callous and strange' about the marshmallows in BBB or Buffy joking about

Spoiler

Caleb having to split?

And she doesn't joke about it, she tries to help him and then just says 'He should have had that neck rub' 

23 hours ago, Loandbehold said:

Worst episode of the series. And it isn't even close. Taking a useless and unfunny "comic relief" character and giving him an entire episode - amounts to 42:37 seconds of my life that I never got back. At least "Superstar" had the opening credits. There is nothing redeemable about this dreck.

As purely an aside, Berkeley Breathed has resurrected Bloom County on facebook. He doesn't do a strip every day, but he is doing them again.

And now back to this piece of shit excuse for an episode. Actually, no. It's the worst. That's pretty much it.

You're being too kind. We're into the negative imaginary numbers realm.

This episode is an abomination. I shall speak of it no more.

You know I've bought some of Breathed's new books but I'm not impressed, he seems to lost it recently, you'd think the era of Trump would be a goldmine not to mention Steve Dallas in the #metoo era. 

[Halting Hex]

All three of the examples you cite are our heroes smart-assing the mass-murderers who, before they died, were trying to kill them.  That's not "gallows humor", that's celebrating a well-earned victory.

And that's a pretty far cry from Buffy being all "ha-ha, he should have had that foot massage" about somebody she failed to help.  Which is not only her Sacred Duty in fighting the supernatural, but also what she gets paid to do as a counselor.  I guess she should give Robin his non-folding money back…

(Also, you've mixed up your Xander-episodes; "callous and strange" is The Zeppo, not BB&B.)

[Joe Hellandback]

On ‎21‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 5:19 PM, Halting Hex said:

All three of the examples you cite are our heroes smart-assing the mass-murderers who, before they died, were trying to kill them.  That's not "gallows humor", that's celebrating a well-earned victory.

And that's a pretty far cry from Buffy being all "ha-ha, he should have had that foot massage" about somebody she failed to help.  Which is not only her Sacred Duty in fighting the supernatural, but also what she gets paid to do as a counselor.  I guess she should give Robin his non-folding money back…

(Also, you've mixed up your Xander-episodes; "callous and strange" is The Zeppo, not BB&B.)

Yes, you're right it is but watch the scene again, Buffy doesn't treat it as a joke, she's actually sad. 

[Halting Hex]

A quip is still a quip.  And IIRC, there was "wacky" music playing as we went to commercial off of it, so I don't think we're supposed to be feeling Buffy's tragedy here.  But JMO.

Also, I see that she doesn't actually try to get the stress-ball kid any relief, she simply suggests that one of his friends give him the massage and moves on to having an in-depth conversation with Wood.  Is pawning students' concerns off on each other, unresolved, while you flirt with your principal/semi-"boyfriend" really being a "counselor", per se?  It seems as though Buffy should have made sure that the kid's issue was being attended to before she left him to his fate.

And, aside from the "wacky hijinx" tone of going to the break off of "Really should have had that foot rub", let's not forget that Buffy's essentially blaming the kid for his own death here.  Gee, so glad she's there to lend a sympathetic ear.  Can we bring back Mr. Platt's corpse instead?  He'd do as considerate of a job as Buffy does, and the school could save some (non-folding) money in the deal, too.

[Joe Hellandback]

On ‎24‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 4:58 PM, Halting Hex said:

A quip is still a quip.  And IIRC, there was "wacky" music playing as we went to commercial off of it, so I don't think we're supposed to be feeling Buffy's tragedy here.  But JMO.

Also, I see that she doesn't actually try to get the stress-ball kid any relief, she simply suggests that one of his friends give him the massage and moves on to having an in-depth conversation with Wood.  Is pawning students' concerns off on each other, unresolved, while you flirt with your principal/semi-"boyfriend" really being a "counselor", per se?  It seems as though Buffy should have made sure that the kid's issue was being attended to before she left him to his fate.

And, aside from the "wacky hijinx" tone of going to the break off of "Really should have had that foot rub", let's not forget that Buffy's essentially blaming the kid for his own death here.  Gee, so glad she's there to lend a sympathetic ear.  Can we bring back Mr. Platt's corpse instead?  He'd do as considerate of a job as Buffy does, and the school could save some (non-folding) money in the deal, too.

I call that a radical interpretation of the text! Buffy had to talk to Wood about the whole shebang rather than one kid, she doesn't blame him, she just can't go to pieces every time something tragic happens in SD 

[lembergwatcher]

Well, what can I say?.. 

Was Xanya really so popular with the fans that sitcom Jane felt obliged to beat a dead horse? Or does Jane hate everyone whose names aren't Spike and Buffy (including fans) so damn much?..

Come on, there are 23 episodes between Hell's Bells and this. What's the point? 

Quote

XANDER

I'm not gonna find anyone out there like you, am I?

You should count yourself lucky, Xand. What a piece of shit...

Spoiler

It never ceases to amaze me how in the span of five episodes Anya manages to "date" Spike, fuck Xander and show obvious interest in Andrew. Those fucking Harbingers came too late apparently...

A lot has been said about how irrelevant both Buffy's original Slayerettes were throughout the final season. But their irrelevance had a different levels, I must say. For example, in this very ep Willow takes an active part in the discussion regarding the Seal of Danzalthar, Xander at the same time is nowhere to be found. Why? Because fucking with the hellbitch is obviously more important (and probably entertaining), that's why...

Spoiler

Well, yeah, both Willow and Xander are kinda irrelevant in the Spuffyverse. But Willow starts a new relationship while Xander loses his eye. Sigh...

I have an urge to start breaking things whenever I think about this wretched parody on once glorious show...

Edited February 1, 2019 by lembergwatcher

[Halting Hex]

1 hour ago, lembergwatcher said:

Spoiler

It never ceases to amaze me how in the span of five episodes Anya manages to "date" Spike, fuck Xander and show obvious interest in Andrew.

 

Spoiler

7.15-7.21 is actually seven episodes.  Or are you citing Empty Places as the Anya/Andrew bonding episode?  I wouldn't think talking about how she and Xander screwed on Spike's cot qualifies as flirting with Andrew…but it is Anya, after all.

I think Joss was looking at Xanya as a "happy" relationship and wanted to keep continuity with Willow/Tara having come to an abrupt end (to say the least) and Spuffy having devolved into an endless 'shipper tease.  Obviously, I would disagree…but I wasn't exactly agreeing with those couples in the first place.

Spoiler

Of course, shortly Anya will die a horrible death and Joss will be reduced to keeping Willow/Kennedy as his "happy ending" couple.  Which I think is an upgrade, but others have disagreed.  (And then Joss went against that in the comics.)

[lembergwatcher]

9 hours ago, Halting Hex said:

I think Joss was looking at Xanya as a "happy" relationship and wanted to keep continuity

I wonder who told Joss those stupid couples were the audience's biggest concern? Who told him fans would buy Xanya after Hell's Bells/Entropy? The assumption that someone would consider anything besides friendship after the whole leaving the bride at the altar/screwing with the undead on a table at the Magic Box thing makes me question Joss' sanity, to say the least.

Edited February 1, 2019 by lembergwatcher

[Halting Hex]

Well, to be fair, this seems to be breakup sex, so perhaps TPTB are on the same page now.  I have no idea what took so long, though.  Didn't she already dump him at the end of Selfless?  Which was literally half a season ago, 11 episodes back.  

Spoiler

Yes, yes, I know. Xanya won't die until Anya dies.  Xander gets maimed?  That just makes me horny, baby!  Let's boink on a dirty kitchen floor with dozens of people in the house!

But, as I write, this sure fucking seemed like breakup sex.  And loooooong overdue, at that.

Edited February 5, 2019 by Halting Hex

[Halting Hex]

On 11/20/2018 at 12:34 AM, Joe Hellandback said:

Willow and Kennedy kissing and totally ignored by Andrew? …Guess the pair got over the events of Get It Done.

Yep, dealing with the relationship issues in our only active romantic pairing (Xanya are spluttering through the dregs, Spuffy are long broken-up, and Buffy doesn't seem likely to go on any further dates with Wood) is pushed aside so that we can do Yet Another Gay Joke about Andrew.

Nice priorities, Jane!  Well done!

Edited November 14, 2022 by Halting Hex