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S06.E06: Not What I Thought

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How does that worthless piece of crap Steven plan on supporting Olga and a baby? I really want to know what his plan is. At least Olga has her own apartment. This could get really ugly if they should split. I have a feeling Steven is not going to want to let go of the baby but will have no problem kicking Olga to the curb. This poor girl has nobody. I feel so sorry for her.

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5 hours ago, KateHearts said:

She talks to Asuelu like he's an imbecile "buckle your seat belt. Are you buckled? Do you need help? " - but seems to think that by calling him "baby" every sentence that it makes it okay. 

She calls both Oliver and Asuelu "baby," like in "Pass me the baby, baby" and in one of the scenes when she was yelling at him to put on his seat belt, she wasn't wearing hers! 

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Can someone explain what was the point of Family Leida coming to America??

 

I mean....Eric scored all the checks on the....Worst Possible Situation.......column.  

 

And, they are still leaving Leida and Aless in America!  

 

That has to be one of the strangest family dynamic on 90 Day.  

 

It only serves to bring hope to other  Lonely Americans!  Hit up Indonesian Cupid.  The standards are super low!  Get yourself a wealthy MD Beauty Queen!  Adorable son, a plus! Daddy pays expenses during 90 day trial!

6 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

How does that worthless piece of crap Steven plan on supporting Olga and a baby? I really want to know what his plan is. At least Olga has her own apartment. This could get really ugly if they should split. I have a feeling Steven is not going to want to let go of the baby but will have no problem kicking Olga to the curb. This poor girl has nobody. I feel so sorry for her.

Steven was begging on Go Fund Me.....to bring his Russian Family to America.  

 

Supposedly, Rachel (is that her name?) and Baby Lucy did the same.  Raised 30Ks according to what I saw online.

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Eyebags Eric wasted no time throwing his teenage daughter under the bus for the disgusting mess of a hovel they call home- knowing DARN well that is their normal way of living! We all know that is what that place looks like on any given day ending in "y". My apartment in college working a minimum wage job was nicer than that trash heap. He said "I'll handle it", when confronted by his in laws concerning the unacceptable living conditions- he basically meant "That is how we normally live and Tasha didn't know to put on an act, so I'll brush it under the rug". Is there a reason he couldn't clean it immediately upon entering and fake acting shocked at the mess? Who cares if Tasha DID make the mess? Get to cleaning for your new bride! I would've picked up a broom and went to town the second I walked in the door. 

And maternity blouse wearing Leida, has shifted all blame solely on her new stepdaughter and her immaturity is showing. Telling her parents "Eric is working on it". Working on what exactly? He is 40 years old! He should have "worked on" procuring a decent place to live before literally advertising for a mail order bride! 

Can not stand either of these sad sacks. She just wants to live in the States, doubt she is escaping anything back home, just wants the green in hand. She is a rude person and I see no affection from her or Eric or from her towards her son. 

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There's an old wives tale that all newborns look like their father so Dad will calm the hell down and feel more at ease.  When our first was born I thought I was in summer camp, everything I heard was encouraging "OMG I wish I was that good at swaddling" "Great job!" "Wow, show me how you did that again" because my wife is a behavioral intervention mastermind.   I don't even care that I was completely manipulated. 

Stephen's allegedly "violent outbursts" at Olga and her nitpicking everything he does with baby are basically an argument that most every pair of new parents has.  Dad already feels like Mom's got him beat, so every criticism she gives feels like a major slight.  Also, Stephen's been told what to do by people he can't converse with for a few days, so he's feeling some kind of way to begin with.  Not ready to write him off as an abusive dick just yet. 

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1 hour ago, CoachWristletJen said:

"There's no spikes coming out of the walls." Glad you've got standards, Eric!

Just a pile of swords in the corner! 

Edited to add: I think Eric is going to miss Tasha's contribution to the rent on the hovel. I think she'll land on her feet because she has a mother and at least two grandparents who can take her in even if it's temporary. 

Edited by magemaud
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1 hour ago, Lily247 said:

BTW, why does Fernanda keep insisting on how much she left behind to come live with Jonathan ? She is seriously getting the best deal. A good looking older guy to take care of her completely financially, a nice house, a car, .... she doesn't seem appreciative of that at all. 

It's not always about the money or material possessions. She is one of the few that I don't think was looking for a green card. Yes, I do think she likes the idea of living in the States, but it doesn't sound like she was on matching making websites looking for a portal to the States. I don't remember if we saw much about her home life in Mexico. 

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1 hour ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Has he been able to speak his native language at all since he's arrived?

He did say a few words in his language (SamWAN?) when he met his future father-in-law. If someone was speaking to me in another language, I would also be slow in responding because I'd have to be mentally translating everything into English, then formulating a response back in a different language. 

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2 hours ago, configdotsys said:

What to say about Colt and Larissa. I am just not buying their story. He skeeves me out. What I want to know is where that car dealer is because a 2017 vehicle that looked pretty nice was only $9k? It looked like a Fiat SUV. Those are not expensive cards but $9k?

I think the red car was a Kia Soul. Looks like a toaster. But for a 2017, 9k is a great deal. Hell, 23K for that loaded 2017 SUV was a great deal. Why so cheap? The only thing I could think of is that they were formerly rental cars, which tend to get beat up. Otherwise, who wouldn't jump at a 9k car that is only one year old. Colt, that's who.  

 

I want to congratulate Kahlani, because she managed to find someone more childlike and dependent that herself. WTF is up with that family of slacker adults who live off mom and dad? And I was a little confused because she said the house in Utah was their vacation home, them she was acting like she has never been there before. 

 

Olga needs to stay in Russia with the baby. Steven is a scary dude. 

 

Ashley, the reason people are staring is because you have a camera crew following you, not because Jay is black. DUH!

 

Eric and Leida - I really want the true backstory about her, because nothing makes any sense. Him too. 

Edited by poeticlicensed
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2 hours ago, AZChristian said:

We've eaten dinner at the top of the Stratosphere a couple of times . . . yeah, we're tourists. 

I don't think they ate there, Colt just had an old fashioned fart and Larissa had a glass of WATER! On the way to their "surprise" destination, Colt asked her if she was hungry. I suspect they left the Stratosphere and went somewhere to an all you can eat buffet. And that had to be the lamest proposal ever on 90 Days and in BROAD DAYLIGHT instead of overlooking the romantic city lights. Is there an afternoon Happy Hour when the view is cheaper? 

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12 hours ago, JennyMominFL said:

Can You imagine Eric fighting Isis. He would just stare off into space while they did  things. Maybe he wanted to fight  Isis the superhero? How the heck did this man serve.

I'm thinking maybe he hasn't always been like this.  Between what seems like an early (possibly medical) retirement from the military and looking MUCH older than his stated 40, I think something has gone terribly wrong with him.

 

51 minutes ago, Cammi said:

She is getting flack for being confident and frankly, I personally do not see her over the top/cocky about it. She is just stating facts. She is attractive, she knows it. And? She SHOULD think highly of herself! This is what we should teach young girls.

I wish we'd teach them that they should think highly of themselves as they naturally look.  Or, actually, that they can think highly of themselves even if they're not naturally stunning looking.  You know, like men do.

I don't see any of that kind of confidence with Fernanda.

 

19 minutes ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

I got what Jay was saying at the market.  Kudos to anyone who doesn’t treat “different” people that way, but let’s not be naive about the world we live in. 

I just saw a documentary about a guy who's walking every street in all five boroughs of New York City, and there was a cameo appearance by another guy who's doing the same thing.  The main guy is white, and the guy in the cameo is black (Jamaican, as it turns out), and there was a little bit of discussion about how they have to approach the task differently.  The black guy carries a book and never wears a hoodie. 

And they said people approached the main guy a lot more when the camera (just one, with no sound person) was following him than when he's walking alone, even though he has this natural demeanor that makes him supremely approachable even without a camera around.

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53 minutes ago, Dance4Life said:

Steven was begging on Go Fund Me.....to bring his Russian Family to America.  

 

Supposedly, Rachel (is that her name?) and Baby Lucy did the same.  Raised 30Ks according to what I saw online.

If anyone is watching no one is going to give Steven a dime.

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1 minute ago, Pepper Mostly said:

If anyone is watching no one is going to give Steven a dime.

Right!  The GFM was taken offline and don’t know how much money (if any) he raised.

 

Right now, Steven has every mommy who had a C-section wanting to kick him in his nut sack. 

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9 hours ago, endure said:

No I can’t imagine Eric fighting Isis, it is so strange how he stares off into space.  He appears to be lazy and unmotivated, and probably is looking at his living space.  It amazes me how he made no preparations for Leida and her sons arrival. I wonder what he does for work?

With Eric fighting Isis, we would all be living under Sharia Law and speaking Arabic.

9 hours ago, TrininisaScorp said:

I got secondhand embarrassment from watching Leida take her family through that shithole of an apartment.  I love the **lewks** that her parents were giving each other and the apartment, and that they tried a little to not comment (I'm sure production kept pushing too).  

Her parents were basically like:

QO9uUK.gif

5 hours ago, Lily247 said:

Oh Fernanda. Dressing up in tiny shorts at the (mostly men) g gu m and making loud sex noises, then commenting on how you know you get a lot of attention. And the professionally applied makeup for just about every scene. I may not have a popular opinion, but I dont think her face is pretty, I just cant stop looking at her heavy jaw. I only say this because she seems to think an awful lot of herself. Also, Jon will one day get sick of paying for everything, and she never mentions career aspirations. She seems like she would be content to do the instagram model thing. 

I do think she is strikingly pretty. I admire her makeup skills but I think she was shown once or twice with minimal makeup and she still looked pretty. I see what you mean about the heavy jaw though. I think she might be one of those types that doesn't age well. She might get more bulldoggy and square shaped as she ages, has kids, whatever, but perhaps that can be avoided with maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

I don't dislike Fernanda or Jon but I really find their segments the least interesting. Can't seem to find a fuck to give with a 30+ yr old man complaining that his 18 yr old fiancee is immature. Bitch please. 

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13 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I don't think they ate there, Colt just had an old fashioned fart and Larissa had a glass of WATER! On the way to their "surprise" destination, Colt asked her if she was hungry. I suspect they left the Stratosphere and went somewhere to an all you can eat buffet. And that had to be the lamest proposal ever on 90 Days and in BROAD DAYLIGHT instead of overlooking the romantic city lights. Is there an afternoon Happy Hour when the view is cheaper? 

Next scene he takes her to go eat.

 

That is the scene where Coltee tells the girl he likes her glasses and Larissa supposedly gets jealous....emmm, another argument!

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1 hour ago, Pepper Mostly said:

 

I concur on Asuelu. He will never win with Kalani and her horrible family. Points to them for making Family Chantel look less heinous. (OK, only a little, but they are now the SECOND worst set of inlaws on this shitshow).

English is not his first language so I don't think he's "slow" at all. Its exhausting to always have to be speaking a second language. Has he been able to speak his native language at all since he's arrived?

Kalani does not have a kind or empathetic bone in her body. What an awful person she is.

I would be interested if anyone on this board knows more about the Samoan language? Perhaps it has qualities (such as fewer articles or prepositions) that make speaking English more difficult?

Kalani's dad certainly could have made him feel at home by speaking to him in Samoan but that would have required him to not be an semi-violent a$$hole for five minutes. Out of the question.

If Kalani were smart, she would learn to adapt some of his chill. Instead she's just a snotty bitch.

It's irritating to continue to listen to her talk down to everyone, especially Asuelu. 

Instead of a happy life near a beautiful beach, he'll be lugging boxes in a cold, grim warehouse somewhere. Then he'll come home to hear her talk down to him and bitch about whatever has made her unhappy that day.

That will be the price of seeing his son.

She's ruined his life!

Edited by CoachWristletJen
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3 hours ago, Dance4Life said:

Why doesn’t Ashley take him to the more diverse areas?  Oh, let’s see! 

 

Ashley doesn’t want any competition from the black/diverse girls. Jay found the Barbershop, so black people live near them.

 

For how long Jay puts up with this situation and realizes he doesn’t have to be stuck in a relationship full of drama where people make him feel different.

 

Caribbean culture is vibrant, beautiful, diverse and life is too short to let it die in White Shore!

Exactly.  She could have taken him to the Broad Street Market in downtown Harrisburg where they have an actual Jamaican restaurant.  And it's delicious.  A woman who works there has an accent so thick I can't understand her, but I tell her I want "something delicious" and she makes a plate full of things I have probably never had and I love it.  Jay would have at least a bit of "home" there. 

And the barbershop is on the East Shore, so it was about a 30 min drive for him.  

(For reality TV junkies, the barbershop is just down the road from the funeral home run by Graham Hetrick of ID Channel's "The Coroner".  #funfact)

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The saddest scene was Smother Coltee.

 

When Colt told his mom he would be adding Larissa to the bank account.

 

Smother whined.....’do I have to get off the bank account?’

 

YES!  Debbie.  You gotta get off the account.  Baby Boy is GROWN!  

 

Then she was like.  Make sure you tell Larissa we are on a tight budget.

 

More reason to get off the account!  Why would you want Larissa spending YOUR money? Omg!

99E5A1BA-53DF-41F2-939A-2D2F8561BB29.jpeg

Edited by Dance4Life
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13 minutes ago, Dance4Life said:

Next scene he takes her to go eat.

 

That is the scene where Coltee tells the girl he likes her glasses and Larissa supposedly gets jealous....emmm, another argument!

That's what I thought, too-that they'd gone to eat at the DW Bistro (where he flirts with the hostess in the preview) right after the proposal, but then I realized they were wearing different clothes. Whatever they did, though, they stayed out until after Debbie had gone to bed (which might have been 7:00 PM in her case.)

Also curious, did anyone think that it looked like they went into Debbie's room through a closet? 

Edited by magemaud
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3 hours ago, Neurochick said:

True, but all you have to do is read the news.  I mean how many white cops have murdered unarmed black people?  How many white people have called the police because black people were...I don’t know, just living life?  And that’s just this year.

Maybe Jay has a point

 

If he has such a negative attitude, I don’t see why he is so anxious to come here. At 20 years old  I would not move from my nice safe neighborhood where I was having all the sex and fun I wanted without being hassled by police to move to a place where the police are killing people like me for no reason at all. He isn’t in love with Ashley, he’s just using her as a means to an end, if it wasn’t her it would be someone else . 

His mom lives in the US, what has she told him about living here? Has he even mentioned visiting his mom yet? 

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6 minutes ago, ALittleShelfish said:

Exactly.  She could have taken him to the Broad Street Market in downtown Harrisburg where they have an actual Jamaican restaurant.  And it's delicious.  A woman who works there has an accent so thick I can't understand her, but I tell her I want "something delicious" and she makes a plate full of things I have probably never had and I love it.  Jay would have at least a bit of "home" there. 

And the barbershop is on the East Shore, so it was about a 30 min drive for him.  

(For reality TV junkies, the barbershop is just down the road from the funeral home run by Graham Hetrick of ID Channel's "The Coroner".  #funfact)

Ahhh, I love it when we get real scoop!  Jamaican food is delicious. It is Ashley that never leaves White Shore.  She went to Jamaica and got a little loose on the Rum Punch. Ashley  didn’t realize what she has been missing out on all those years. 

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6 minutes ago, magemaud said:

That's what I thought, too-that they'd gone to eat at the DW Bistro (where he flirts with the hostess in the preview) right after the proposal, but then I realized they were wearing different clothes. Whatever they did, though, they stayed out until after Debbie had gone to bed (which might have been 7:00 PM in her case.)

Also curious, did anyone think that it looked like they went into Debbie's room through a closet? 

I see.  You are right.  They did go home.  I forgot about showing Debbie the ring.  I guess they edited away the dinner.

 

It was probably Larissa complaining the entire time and TLC spared us.  Lol 

 

That whole flirting scene looks set-up just like Fernandas.

 

I wish we didn’t have Fernanda and Jonathan. Don’t need them!   Then the show would go at a more interesting faster pace. 

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13 minutes ago, ALittleShelfish said:

Exactly.  She could have taken him to the Broad Street Market in downtown Harrisburg where they have an actual Jamaican restaurant.  And it's delicious.  A woman who works there has an accent so thick I can't understand her, but I tell her I want "something delicious" and she makes a plate full of things I have probably never had and I love it.  Jay would have at least a bit of "home" there. 

And the barbershop is on the East Shore, so it was about a 30 min drive for him.  

(For reality TV junkies, the barbershop is just down the road from the funeral home run by Graham Hetrick of ID Channel's "The Coroner".  #funfact)

Totally agree Ashley wants to limit his diversity time. She will hit the roof when she hears him say that if he could have come to live with her without being married that would have been his choice. Loved the barbershop guys, especially at the end when after learning he could divorce after two years, the guy was like, okay, then marry her; two years is totally doable.

I don't like Kalani or whatever her name is, but that Asuelo is too childlike for me. Taking the child out of the car seat was not a good idea at all. Saying condoms are for the slut people is stupid. He can't afford to care for the child he has now. Seeing him in the previews putting Oliver on his shoulders was mind-boggling. He's not a little monkey and is just about able to hold up his head. They are absolutely not well paired.

Steven annoyed the piss out of me, too. He was way too controlling and rough with Olga. And the way that he kept touching the baby like he's a cat got on my nerves. I hope the child's name is Richard and Ritchie is a nickname.

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1 hour ago, Empress1 said:

Happened to me last week. I've only ever lived in major urban centers with diverse populations, but cities are segregated too. I had a meeting with someone at her club (her idea, I wouldn't have picked it because I anticipated the reaction I got). I walked in and whoosh! Heads turned and things got quiet. I looked around and thought "Yep, I'm the only one" (and the ratio of men to women was about 70:30 too, so I had a double whammy as a Black woman). The meeting went fine but it was a relief to leave.

It would be naive of Jay not to expect some friction, honestly. If he doesn't get any, great! But as a person of color in a majority white country (a country in which racism is baked into the fabric), you really can't expect to never encounter racism, whether it's micro-aggressions or overt. I liked that Ashley said that in this country, interracial relationships aren't always socially acceptable. It doesn't do anyone, least of all Jay, any good to act like race relations in this country are idyllic. I wonder about Leida and her son too, given what just emerged in a viral story about Eric's hometown.

I am going to need some receipts on Eric being 40, because dude looks at least 55 to me.

On Saturday I went to brunch with friends.  There were eight of us, all black women, and people looked at us like we had three heads.  I mean WTF?  And this was in NYC.

Dear Kalini, maybe your son was crying because of your crappy driving.  Also Kalini, most people in the USA weren’t raised with car seats so chill the fuck out heifer.

I don’t think Kalini should have brought Asuelu to the USA.  She should have just been a single mother.

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15 minutes ago, iwasish said:

 

If he has such a negative attitude, I don’t see why he is so anxious to come here. At 20 years old  I would not move from my nice safe neighborhood where I was having all the sex and fun I wanted without being hassled by police to move to a place where the police are killing people like me for no reason at all. He isn’t in love with Ashley, he’s just using her as a means to an end, if it wasn’t her it would be someone else . 

His mom lives in the US, what has she told him about living here? Has he even mentioned visiting his mom yet? 

Life is pretty rough in Jamaca. The economy is terrible.  He may have weighed racism vs quality of life and the second one won.

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 I am not really sure why people think areas that are more diverse are less racist. Its not really true. Some of the most diverese areas are also areas with the most institutionalized racism. Look at Georgia in the last election.  Voter suppresion is  institutionalized racism. 

 Now to be fair, Jay has never been to the USA and he has read some(true) horror stories. Add to that he is coming forom a majority Black country and he is going to  have a difficult adjustment.

 I dont think Eric has any sort of medical or emotional issies due  to his time in service, at least not any diagnosed ones. If he did, he would be in better shape financially.

Edited by JennyMominFL
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1 hour ago, Empress1 said:

Happened to me last week. I've only ever lived in major urban centers with diverse populations, but cities are segregated too. I had a meeting with someone at her club (her idea, I wouldn't have picked it because I anticipated the reaction I got). I walked in and whoosh! Heads turned and things got quiet. I looked around and thought "Yep, I'm the only one" (and the ratio of men to women was about 70:30 too, so I had a double whammy as a Black woman). The meeting went fine but it was a relief to leave.

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

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2 hours ago, Drogo said:

She is also the best catch (smart, fit, beautiful, affectionate, well-spoken), and Jonathan doesn't seem to be very appreciative of that. 

She might have a bit of an anger issue, but I don't know that we would have seen it had he not been doing dumb shit like not having a bed ready for them to sleep in, leaving exes' underwear for her to find and touching blondes' hips in clubs.  If all she wants is to be taken care of by a decent looking older man, there are plenty out there who would throw in a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T at no extra charge.   

She might have just picked the wrong one. 

I don’t think she’s anything special. Slapping and hitting at a woman who is probably drunk,and she herself was pissed because she couldn't drink and can’t til she’s 21. Why not just make Jonathan sit outside the ladies room like a child? Did she think he was going to screw some chick in the 5 minutes she was in the ladies room? 

Sorry but I find her immature, childish, irritating and much too taken with her “sexy” self. There are millions of hot 19 year olds that have their own boobs,  if thats what Jonathan wants. 

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1 hour ago, Drogo said:

Stephen's allegedly "violent outbursts" at Olga and her nitpicking everything he does with baby are basically an argument that most every pair of new parents has.  Dad already feels like Mom's got him beat, so every criticism she gives feels like a major slight.  Also, Stephen's been told what to do by people he can't converse with for a few days, so he's feeling some kind of way to begin with.  Not ready to write him off as an abusive dick just yet. 

I think this was also what caused Auselu to take the baby out of the baby seat.   He's sitting in the back seat with the kiddies instead of the front like his co-parent/co-pilot, he's tasked with keeping the baby happy because even though she's better at driving AND parenting AND yelling, cheeto-co-parent has to pick two out of three.  He knows by now that Kalani is judging him silently (and not) every moment.  When the baby starts the hurt cry (and am I the first to agree with Kalani, that that was the "immediate distress" cry and not the "omg CAR SEAT IS BORING" cry?) and his fiance starts shrieking as well, he thinks "ok, I will fix this by picking him up" (WHICH WORKED, BTW) and yet triggered another go around of the You Suck at Dadding.

I know we're talking about gaslighting, and why go to the car lot if you're not going to buy a car Coltee (clear producer setup shit) and someone also mentioned Hobo Steven, but I stick to my assessment that Jon is the real gaslighter - the calm, why-are-you-being-so-crazy voice he responds to Fernanda with in the parking lot when she asks if he wants to marry her is so icky.  The apology next day sounded sincere, but I still remember the "those are yours" and then "well, your father keeps clothes in your house, so maybe I should be jealous of that" attempted ju jitsu in the thong drawer situation, and he is the WORST. 

Eric is playing the long game when he says no to the father's money offer.  He knows that it's a test.  If he says yes, they get two months rent and Leida goes home soon.  If he says no, he lives in his acceptable-to-him apartment, marries L., and soon they live off of Leida's dad in a way Tasha has only dreamed of on the janky futon in her rent-split apartment.

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I think Larissa is my favorite. I'm not looking forward to when she become a psycho that we've seen in the previews. 

I think Steven is coming from a place of frustration over not being able to see his son as much as he would like or a new father should.  He said he's only been able to spend an hour each day with them and I wouldn't be surprised if Olga told him to stop touching the baby each time he visits and as a new dad that has to feel awful.  She doesn't seem all that caring either. 

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7 hours ago, millennium said:

You make a good point, however Jay and Ashley both went into this anticipating racial animus, so it does not surprise me that they interpreted any glances as disapproving.   I can't say for sure what was behind the blurred faces but no one seems to have harassed them or made them feel unwelcome.   Maybe people were staring because they were being followed by a film crew.    When Jay asked, "why do all white people think black people are bad," Ashley could have responded, "all white people don't think black people are bad," which is the truth.   Instead, Jay's characterization of all whites as racists went unchallenged, and I think that's unfair.

Angela walked through the heart of Nigeria, the only white woman for miles around it seemed.   She drew lots of stares.   I can't stand the woman, but I don't recall her attributing ill intent to the people looking at her. 

You make fair points @millennium, thanks for sharing another perspective!

31 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I was definitely uncomfortable being the white woman on the street, but that was in my head...not from anything actually happening.  Feelings aren't facts.  No doubt being taught to be aware of danger is an EXCELLENT strategy, but couldn't that make it possible to perceive racism where there is none?   There IS racism sometimes, but feeling something was racism is not the same as it being racism.  

I don't want our conversation to devolve into what is or isn't racism but since it's a theme on this show right now, and it's an issue around the globe as well, I hope we can discuss it respectfully. And in that spirit I have to say that sure, one can feel uncomfortable while the actual situation might be one where nobody is harboring any ill will or negative feelings towards that person, but - and this is a huge BUT - I personally don't feel people of one race, religion, etc. feel uncomfortable for no reasons. If I knew for certain that literally nobody in the area where I was walking had negative feelings towards white people, then I would never have felt uncomfortable. But I felt the discomfort (which I'm okay with feeling, BTW, it's a reality for so many other people so it was a good eye opener to feel what it's like to be on that side of the line), and it was rooted in the knowledge/fact/reality that there were indeed some who very likely thought I was some snotty rich white person with piles of money, ready to try and grind down vendors for the cheapest price even though I was rich (not my reality, but what they thought).  I knew that sentiment existed and Jay knows that sentiment exists in America, and in particular is at an extremely heightened level right now. He watches TV, he sees the news, he isn't a stupid idiot. He's a young man looking for a better life, and he knows he's going to come up against something that he's seen on TV and in movies but that he's likely not experienced quite the same way in Jamaica. In Jamaica he moves around freely and without a care, in his new locale he's unfamiliar with how to navigate being a minority, and I would venture to guess that he's also nervous as hell to encounter the type of racism he's seen on TV. I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is this - the fact that someone FEELS racism to me means that on some basic level it does exist. Ashley also said she lives in an area known as "the white area". I think if they're going to make it long term, they might want to live in a more racially diverse area.

40 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I have to agree with @Empress1. Growing up as a black person in the USA, you are taught from the time you are very small what racism is, that there are people in this world that want you DEAD because of how you look, and that being the only black face in a room or a crowd could very well mean a dangerous situation for you. Many white people are often uncomfortable being the only white face in an area without the history of segregation and danger that comes with that. 

Of course this is not ALWAYS the case, no one is insinuating that danger lurks around every corner, but for Jay, growing up in Jamaica, where he’s always been an ethnic majority I can see where he’s coming from, and what his concerns are. I don’t think he thinks all white people are out to get him (he cares for Ashley and seems to get along with most of her friends) but he’s in a foreign country (at least there’s no language barrier) and feels uncomfortable sometimes. I’m glad he found the guys at the barbershop- which is hysterical because they have good sense AND he does need a barber that cuts black hair. 

Thank you for saying this way better than I could have!

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6 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:
14 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

I have to agree with @Empress1. Growing up as a black person in the USA, you are taught from the time you are very small what racism is, that there are people in this world that want you DEAD because of how you look, and that being the only black face in a room or a crowd could very well mean a dangerous situation for you. Many white people are often uncomfortable being the only white face in an area without the history of segregation and danger that comes with that. 

I was definitely uncomfortable being the white woman on the street, but that was in my head...not from anything actually happening.  Feelings aren't facts.  No doubt being taught to be aware of danger is an EXCELLENT strategy, but couldn't that make it possible to perceive racism where there is none?   There IS racism sometimes, but feeling something was racism is not the same as it being racism.  

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1 minute ago, Granny58 said:

I was definitely uncomfortable being the white woman on the street, but that was in my head...not from anything actually happening.  Feelings aren't facts.  No doubt being taught to be aware of danger is an EXCELLENT strategy, but couldn't that make it possible to perceive racism where there is none?   There IS racism sometimes, but feeling something was racism is not the same as it being racism.  

It’s a defense mechanism. Better to proceive danger where they may be none, stay away and stay safe, than assume safety and be hurt in the process. It’s emotionally draining but what many people of various oppressed groups (I’m not speaking just as a black woman) weigh consciously or unconsciously every day.

 

I’m not saying Jay was 100% right and those people staring were racist, I don’t know I wasn’t there, but I’m saying I understand WHY and HOW he felt that way. I’m speaking of his feelings about what happened not what happened- as 1. I wasn’t there, 2. I cannot be in the heads of the passerby. 

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2 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

It’s a defense mechanism. Better to proceive danger where they may be none, stay away and stay safe, than assume safety and be hurt in the process. It’s emotionally draining but what many people of various oppressed groups (I’m not speaking just as a black woman) weigh consciously or unconsciously every day.

 

I’m not saying Jay was 100% right and those people staring were racist, I don’t know I wasn’t there, but I’m saying I understand WHY and HOW he felt that way. I’m speaking of his feelings about what happened not what happened- as 1. I wasn’t there, 2. I cannot be in the heads of the passerby. 

well stated.  thank you. 

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5 minutes ago, politichick said:

 

Steven annoyed the piss out of me, too. He was way too controlling and rough with Olga. And the way that he kept touching the baby like he's a cat got on my nerves. I hope the child's name is Richard and Ritchie is a nickname.

All the talk about Steven's aggression triggered a memory from over 45 years ago with the birth of my 1st child. We were so young, 21 and 19.

The day after, husband comes to my room with flowers. But I'm quickly informed the flowers were not for me, but for the nurses, because apparently I was such a crybaby during labor. (This was back in the day when epidurals were only given at 10cm.) I was instructed to walk the flowers to the nurses station (?and apologize, can't remember but probably), which I did. 

In reviewing this memory, which I haven't thought about in over 45 years, I think my husband put on this ridiculous & pompous show for the nurses to prove that he was some sort of grown-up person, (or a Lothario).

Steven is trying to feel in control & wanting to be "the man" in charge. He probably feels helpless, and needs Olga's strength to buoy him. He's unable to accept her temporary post-surgical disability, because then he would have to be a caregiver & he's mentally a baby himself. 

I hope for the best for little Richie, but I don't see Steven doing anything proactive, just complaining & being a selfish a**. Grandma was right, he's messed up. 

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36 minutes ago, iwasish said:

She might have just picked the wrong one. 

I don’t think she’s anything special. Slapping and hitting at a woman who is probably drunk,and she herself was pissed because she couldn't drink and can’t til she’s 21. Why not just make Jonathan sit outside the ladies room like a child? Did she think he was going to screw some chick in the 5 minutes she was in the ladies room? 

Sorry but I find her immature, childish, irritating and much too taken with her “sexy” self. There are millions of hot 19 year olds that have their own boobs,  if thats what Jonathan wants. 

Jonathan might want to take a good look at her mom, as that is what she will likely look like in 10 or 15 years.

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39 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

I haven't lived your life so I am not saying you don't experience racism, but was this a case of it?  I'm white.  My son had a friend from a black part of town who we took to the amusement park one day.  It was late when we got done, and I wasn't going to let him walk alone from my parked car, so I walked with him to his house.  It was summer so people were outside.  Everybody looked at me, watched me.  Nobody bothered me though.  That wasn't racism...that was just because I was different than them, it was unusual for me to be there and I'm sure they wondered what was up.  Just being watched is not necessarily racism.  

You don't say how old this boy was, or how far away you were parked. It was still light out & people were outside. I'm wondering if people were just curiously looking as to why this boy needed a chaperone in his own neighborhood.

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