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The Crazed Spruce

Topical TV Quote Game

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The premise of this game is fun and simple.  Someone suggests a topic, and you give a quote that relates to it. When you give your quote, you leave a new topic for the next person.

 

For instance, if the topic was, say, hammocks, then I would use...

 

Homer: "Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks."

Scorpio: "Hammocks?  My goodness, what an idea.  Why didn't I think of that?  Hammocks!  Homer, there's four places.  There's the Hammock Hut, that's on Third."

Homer: "Uh-huh."

Scorpio: "There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on Third too.  You got Put Your Butt There."

Homer: "Mm-hmm."

Scorpio: "That's on Third.  Swing Low Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex.  It's the Hammock Complex on Third."

Homer: "Oh, the Hammock District!"

The Simpsons, season 8 episode 2, "You Only Move Twice"

 

It's just that simple. :)

 

Now let's start things of with.... James Bond

Edited by The Crazed Spruce

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Chandler: I can write slogans. I mean, how hard can it be? Right? "Cheese - It's milk... that you chew." "Crackers - Because your cheese needs a buddy." "Grapes - Because who can get a watermelon in your mouth?"

 

Friends S09E11, The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work

 

Next Subject:  Fish

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Announcer: [on TV] Mr. Sparkle. A joint venture of Matsumura Fishworks and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern.

Lisa: Hey! It was all a coincidence.

Bart: Yep. There's your answer, fishbulb.

Simpsons 8x22, In Marge We Trust

Coffee

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(After Janeway escapes the sludge that Neelix describes as "better than" coffee....)JANEWAY: Yes, Commander?

CHAKOTAY: There was no need for you to come to the bridge, Captain.

JANEWAY: Yes, there was.

CHAKOTAY: I just wanted to alert you to a nebula we've picked up on long range sensors.

JANEWAY: Put it on screen. Magnify.

TUVOK: There are unusually high levels of omicron particles within this nebula, Captain.

JANEWAY: Are you thinking we could collect these omicron particles to provide an additional antimatter reserve, Lieutenant?

TUVOK: Precisely.

JANEWAY: Senior bridge officers, report for duty. Commander, set a new course. There's coffee in that nebula.

Star Trek: Voyager, S. 1, Ep. 6, "The Cloud"

 

Brunch

Edited by The Crazed Spruce
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Great idea for a game!

 

Ted: "You invited him to brunch?"
Marshall: "Yeah, I invited him to brunch. Why, is that weird?"
Ted: "Yes, that's why I was all 'You invited him to brunch?'"
Marshall: "Why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch?"
Ted: "Because brunch is kind of..."
Robin: "...girly"
Marshall: "Girly? breakfast isn't girly, lunch isn't girly. What makes brunch girly?"
Ted: "I don't know. Nothing girly about a horse, nothing girly about a horn. But put them together and you get a unicorn."
Marshall: "I don't care what either of you say. I am going to The Popover Pantry with Brad. We're here, we're hungry, get used to it brunch."

 

How I Met Your Mother
Season 2, episode 5 World's Greatest Couple

 

Next topic: moving

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Tom: One time my refrigerator stopped working, I didn't know what to do. I just moved.

 

Parks and Recreation S05E19, "Article Two"

 

Refrigerators

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Joey: My parents bought this fridge just after I was born, okay?  Now, I have never had a problem with it.  Then you show up and it breaks!  What does that tell ya?

Rachel: That refrigerators don't live as long as people.

 

Friends, Season 6 Episode 19, "The One with Joey's Fridge"

 

 

Flying

Edited by smrou

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Bret: I have a girlfriend, but she doesn't know I exist.
Dave: But you do exist don't you?
Bret: Yeah, I exist.
Dave: Well, why did you say you came from Never Never Land?
Bret and Jemaine: New Zealand.
Dave: But you guys said you flew here!
Jemaine: On a plane, Dave. A plane.

 

Flight of the Conchords S02E09, "Wingmen"

 

Flowers

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Howard: He has so little self respect and is so desperate for the smallest crumb of affection, she could literally sleep with his own father in his own bed and post the video to YouTube, and he'd still buy her flowers and ask her to be his bride.

Raj: He's right. But in my defense, if we could survive that, we could survive anything.

Big Bang Theory 7x08, The Itchy Brain Simulation

secret

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Dale Cooper: Diane, 7:30 am, February twenty-fourth. Entering town of Twin Peaks. Five miles south of the Canadian border, twelve miles west of the state line. Never seen so many trees in my life. As W.C. Fields would say, I'd rather be here than Philadelphia. It's fifty-four degrees on a slightly overcast day. Weatherman said rain. If you could get paid that kind of money for being wrong sixty percent of the time it'd beat working. Mileage is 79,345, gauge is on reserve, I'm riding on fumes here, I've got to tank up when I get into town. Remind me to tell you how much that is. Lunch was $6.31 at the Lamplighter Inn. That's on Highway Two near Lewis Fork. That was a tuna fish sandwich on whole wheat, a slice of cherry pie and a cup of coffee. Damn good food. Diane, if you ever get up this way, that cherry pie is worth a stop.

Twin Peaks, S1E01, Pilot

 

Bathtubs

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Howard: "Unbelievable. Components I built are on the International Space Station and I get a ticket for launching a model rocket in the park."

 

Raj: "I don't know if the ticket was so much for the launch as it was for you telling the policewoman: "You have to frisk me. I have another rocket in my pants.""

 

Big Bang Theory, S1 Ep 12 The Jerusalem Duality

 

Brooms

Edited by Rick Kitchen

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Chandler: Ross, a sports car? Wouldn't it have been cheaper to just stuff a sock down there?

Ross: That's not what this is about. Okay? I am a sports car enthusiast. I've always been into cars.

Joey: Hey, what's the horse-power on this thing?

Ross: I don't know, but... but look how shiny!

Friends 7x14, The One Where They All Turn Thirty

sock

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Dr. Wyatt: For the most part your rebellions are small.
Booth: Rebellions?
Wyatt: The colorful socks, the funky belt buckle. They're a mechanism, quiet rebellions. A way of asserting your personal control over a homogenizing organization like the FBI. But shooting a clown is not a quiet rebellion. Shooting a clown is quite literally deafening.

 

Bones 2x13. The Girl in the Gator

 

mountain

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Diane: He insists on making mountains out of molehills.

Carla: He wants you to wear a padded bra?

Cheers 3x03, I Call Your Name

elbow

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Burton 'Gus' Guster: Do I rush you when you're doing your whole, "Ooh, I'm sensing this, I'm sensing that"?

Shawn Spencer: Always. And you usually jab me in the ribs with your elbow, which is like a chocolate harpoon.

Psych, 3x03, Daredevils

Noodles

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Sabrina: You know, in China they actually eat a completely different kind of noodle than we have here.
Burt: I don't want to sound racist, but I kind of think all Chinese noodles look alike.

 

Raising Hope S04E03, "Ship Happens"

 

Boats

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Donnie: I know what to do.

Alison: Oh, you do, do you, Donnie?

Donnie: Mm-hmm, As long as no one finds the body, we're clear. So we dump him in the lake. With weights.

Alison: Do we have a boat? Have you ever seen Dexter? I mean, random scuba divers are finding everything.

Orphan Black - Things Which Have Never Yet Been Done.

Sleet

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Newman : Hello, what ‘s this?
George :  I was dropping off the calzone money for the week. Shouldn’t you be at work by now?
Newman : Work? It’s raining.
George : So...
Newman : I called in sick. I don’t work in the rain.
George : You don’t work in the rain? You're a mail man. ”Neither rain nor sleet nor snow ...” It’s the first one!
Newman : I was never that big on creeds.

 

- Seinfeld, The Calzone

 

Trust

 

 

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Rogue: You look nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Cyclops: I just wish I knew what was happening in there.

Gambit: If that were me in there, you wouldn't have to worry.

 

X-Men Animated Series

 

Numb

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Carrie [on the phone to Tim]: Hi Tim, it's Carrie. I've been looking through some stuff and section 489 of the NYC building code...you're pool's in violation buddy. Doug and I are going to take it down!

Doug: cannonballs in pool

Carrie: See you in court, numb nuts!

 

-King of Queens, Swim Neighbors

 

Puppy

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Q: Q! How did you find me?

Female Q: Never mind that. What are you doing with that dog?

[Q looks at the little spaniel in Janeway's arms]

Female Q: I'm not talking about the puppy.

 

Star Trek: Voyager, 3x11 The Q and the Grey

 

eclipse

Edited by SeriousPurrs
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Daphne Millbrook: Last year I could barely move. And then there was an eclipse, and afterwards I could walk. And then I could run. And then I could run really fast. And now I'm back to where I started.

 

Heroes, S3,E11 "Chapter 11- 'The Eclipse-Part 2'"

 

carburetor

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Speed Buggy: [sputtering] That's me! Big race, big race today! Who put the anti-freeze in my carburetor? Yuck! Blech!

 

Speed Buggy (title sequence)

 

 

Tofu

 

 

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Scully: Mulder, this is a needle in a haystack. These poor souls have been dead for 50 years. Let them rest in peace. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Mulder: Well, I won't sit idly by as you hurl cliches at me. Preparation is the father of inspiration.

Scully: Necessity is the mother of invention.

Mulder: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.

Scully: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we may die.

Mulder: I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.

 

The X-Files, S06E20, "The Unnatural"

 

 

Baseball

Edited by smrou
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Sam: I'm Sam Malone, by the way.

Henri: Ooh. I've heard about you in France.

Sam: Oh yeah? You follow baseball?

Henri: No, stewardesses.

 

Cheers, "Woody Interruptus"

 

Waiter

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Mr. Arrad: "Excuse me."
Basil Fawlty: "Yes?"
Mr. Arrad: "Look, we've been waiting here for about half an hour now; I mean, I gave the waiter our order..."
Basil Fawlty: "Oh, him. He's hopeless, isn't he?"
Mr. Arrad: "Yes, well, I don't wish to complain, but when he does bring something he's got it wrong."
Basil Fawlty: "You think I don't know? I mean, you only have to eat here. We have to live with it. I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona, but you can't get the staff, you see. It's a nightmare."

 

Fawlty Towers, "Waldorf Salad"

 

Hedges

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Chappelle: Now I've heard of trimming the hedges...but you done scorched the earth.

 

- "Trading Spouses", The Chappelle Show

 

Congratulations

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Chrissy: Janet, what do you think of my sign?

Janet: Congraduations? Chrissy, you made a mistake -

Chrissy: No, no, no…I was gonna say congratulations on your graduation but then I realized I ran out of room so I just wrote congraduations. Think Jack’ll get it?

Janet: Yeah. If you sign it.

Three's Company 4x25, "Jack's Graduation"

soul

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Jeff: I'm saying you're a football player. It's in your blood!
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your soul.
Troy: That's racist.
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That's gay?
Jeff: That's homophobic.
Troy: That's black.
Jeff: That's racist.
Troy: Damn.

 

Community S01E06, "Football, Feminism and You"

 

Football

Edited by Brandi Maxxxx
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Rachel: Maybe there's some kind of league that we can join.

Phoebe: Isn't there a National Football League or something?

Joey: Yeah. But they only play on Sunday and Monday nights.

Rachel: Oh, shoot, I work Monday nights.

 

Friends, The One with the Football

 

Moron

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TINA FEY : In Chicago, a man who was having a heart attack's life was saved when his dog brought him a phone so he could call for help. We should point out however, that for every one of these heart warming animal stories, 100,000 people die while their dogs sit and look at them like morons.

Saturday Night Live, "Queen Latifah" (2004)

 

Delta

Edited by Actionmage
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Paris: Behold the Delta Flyer. Ultra-aerodynamic contours, retractable nacelles, parametallic hull plating, unimatrix shielding based on Tuvok's brilliant design for the multispacial probe, and a Borg-inspired weapons system.
Seven: The basic design elements are adequate.
Paris: High praise.

 

Star Trek:Voyager, "Extreme Risk"

 

Cruise

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Schmidt: A cruise? If I wanted to watch a heavyset guy in sandals eating with his hands, I would have just posted up and watched Nick in the kitchen.

 

New Girl, S03E23 Cruise

 

Sandals

Edited by EricJ
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Jack: You have insulted my footwear, and my sandals don't like to be laughed at.

 

Samurai Jack, S2E13 "Jack's Sandals" 

 

Cat(s)

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James Caan: How many cats do you have, Matthew?

Matthew: Three. Hahaha I wish! Two.

NewsRadio S03.E08: Movie Star

feathers

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Xander: Okay, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat.
Willow: Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong.

 

Buffy The Vampire Slayer, "Inca Mummy Girl"

 

Suddenly

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George: The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell you he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing, I could see directly into the eye of the great fish.
Jerry: Mammal.
George: Whatever.

 

Mammal

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Lisa: Whales are mammals and are deeply intelligent and sensitive like us.
Jimbo [to whale]: Ha Ha, nerd.

 

The Simpsons, S21x19, "The Squirt and the Whale"

 

Snow

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Lorelai: When I was five, I had a really bad ear infection and I had been home in bed for a week and I was very sad. So I wished really hard that something wonderful would happen to me, and I woke up the next morning and it had snowed. And I was sure that some fairy godmother had done it just for me. It was my little present.

Luke: Your parents never explained the concept of weather to you?

 

Gilmore Girls, S1E8, "Love and War and Snow"

 

Infants

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April is the best. But she's 20. When April was born, I was already in third grade. Which means if we were friends back then, I'd be hanging out with a baby. I know nothing about infant care. My God. I could have killed her.

 

Parks and Recreation, "94 Meetings"

 

Lies

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Scully: I have never met anyone so passionate and dedicated to a belief as you. It’s so intense that sometimes it’s blinding. But there are others who are watching you, who know what I know, and whereas I can respect and admire your passion, they will use it against you. Mulder, the truth is out there, but so are lies.

 

The X-Files, S01E16, "E.B.E."

 

 

fire

Edited by smrou
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Simon: So, finally a decent wound on this ship and I miss out. I'm sorry.

Mal: Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

 

Firefly, S1E7, "Safe"

 

Tan

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Chandler: [Ross walks in with a really dark tan] Hold on. There's something different about you.

Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.

Chandler: Was that place the sun?

Ross: It gets worse.

[holds up his top to reveal one half of his skin is still white]

Chandler: Oh my God! You can do a duet of 'Ebony & Ivory' all by yourself.

 

Friends, S10E03, "The One with Ross's Tan"

 

birthday

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Shirley: You know Troy's a Jehovah's Witness. They don't celebrate birthdays.

Abed: Annie and I did our best to keep the language on the cake compliant.

Troy: "Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus." *choking up* You guys, I never cry, but...

 

Community, "Mixology Certification"

 

cake

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