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Bewitching Quotes

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Sabrina: What's this?
Zelda: Before it can be baptized, the temple of your body needs to be purified., cleansed of its toxins.
Hilda: This is actually milk and eggs and rosemary and agrimony and a cupful of vanilla and a pinch of John the Conqueror root and tannis. Uh, and other herbs from my garden. Drink up, darling. 
Ambrose: Don't do it, cousin.

Sabrina: A curse? You're cursing me? [all whoosh away] [laughter echoing] Succubitches.

Sabrina: It's this town, this school.
Fake Mrs. Wardwell: There's a culture of Puritanical masculinity? And Principal Hawthorne is the most intolerant, the most buffoonish, the most misogynist of all. When will the world learn? Women should be in charge of everything.

Sabrina: The football players are a symptom, but the disease goes much deeper, into the bedrock of this school. So that's where we fight it, with a club for young women to meet and bolster each other, where we can discuss issues and problems we're facing and come up with proactive solutions.
Roz: You mean like a club to topple the white patriarchy?

Ambrose: Are you sure you don't want to kill [Principal Hawthorne]? Because we could do that.
Sabrina: Nope. I just need him to take a day or two off from school.
Ambrose: Right. Well, we'll only mildly traumatize him then.

Sabrina: There's also the Harvey of it all. We very recently took things to the next level.
Zelda: He hasn't defiled you, has he? Witch law forbids novitiates from being anything less than virginal.
Ambrose: Oh, wow.

Ambrose: ou need to get your hands on a malum malus.
Sabrina: What's a malum malus? 
Ambrose: It depends on who's translating. If it's a man, it's the apple of evil. If it's a woman, it's the fruit of knowledge.

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Faustus: Now your aunties tell me you have questions about your baptism and such.
Sabrina: I do but I'm not sure where to begin.
Faustus: Allow me. A witch's dark baptism is our most sacred unholy sacrament. The oldest of our rites. We've been performing them for centuries. Our Dark Lord's book, the Book of the Beast, is the most ancient tome in existence.
Sabrina: About that - if I sign my name in the Book of the Beast, does that mean I'm giving the Dark Lord dominion over my soul?
Faustus: That's one interpretation, but it's largely a symbolic gesture, as rituals in most religions are. What else? 
Sabrina: Let's say I do sign my name in his book. Doesn't that mean he can call on me to do his bidding?
Faustus: All religions demand some sacrifice. But signing your name is more like a pledge, let's say. That you'll abide by his commandments. Do you know your Thirteen Commandments? 
Zelda: We've taught them to her. She's learned them by heart.
Sabrina: I'm not an evil person, Father.
Faustus: I am glad to hear it. Neither am I. Neither are your aunts.
Sabrina: But the Devil-
Faustus: The Dark Lord, yes?
Sabrina: He is the embodiment of evil.
Faustus: Incorrect. He is the embodiment of free will. Good. Evil. Those words matter to the False God, but the Dark Lord is beyond such precepts.
Sabrina: What about hell? I don't want to go there when I die.
Faustus: First of all, if you accept the Dark Lord's gifts, you won't die, not for a very long time. Second of all, hell is for mortals. In exchange for their service and devotion, witches are exempt from the eternal flames of damnation. Really, what's needed here is a fundamental shift in thinking.

Hilda: You can't keep killing me.
Zelda: I'm your older sister, Hilda, it's my Satan-given right to kill you as many times as I please, especially when you're behaving so stupidly.

Sabrina: I'll still be able to see them, won't I, Ambrose? Roz and Harvey and Susie? I mean, just because we're not at the same school, it doesn't mean we can't be friends. I'll be at the Academy of The Unseen Arts during the week, but during the weekends-
Ambrose: On the weekends, you will still be a witch.
Sabrina: No, I know, but we'll still be able to go to the movies, same as always, and bowling, and all the fun things we do together.
Ambrose: Of course, Auntie Mame and Baby Jane would leave me to explain the hard bits.

Harvey: You can come to the party with us, if you want.
Ambrose: Thanks, but if I'm risking banishment to the nether realm, it's going to be for something other than a high school masquerade.

Faustus: Our Dark Lord teaches us there is no law beyond do what thou wilt. Our Dark Lord asks would you like to be happy, child, to be free? Free to love and to hate, to be what nature meant you to be, true to her laws and yourself only?
Zelda: Sabrina.
Sabrina: Yes, Father.
Faustus: Do you believe in Lucifer, the archangel, who preferred the loss of Heaven to that of his pride?
Yes, Father. Yes, Father.
Faustus: In exchange for this belief, you shall be granted powers that will enable you to be of service to the Dark Lord. Sabrina Edwina Diana, are you willing to forsake the path of light and follow the path of night wherever it may lead you?
Sabrina: I am.
Faustus: And are you willing to place our Dark Lord above all others in your life, be it your loved ones, your family, your friends, your neighbors?
Sabrina: I am.
Faustus: Then it is time to sign his book. In signing his book, the Book of the Beast, you swear to obey without question any order you may receive from the Dark Lord, or from any figure he has placed in authority over you.
Sabrina: That's not what you said before.
Faustus: In signing his book, the Book of the Beast, you swear to give your mind, body, and soul unreservedly to the furtherance of the designs of our Lord Satan.
Sabrina: You said I would have free will. I can't do this.
Faustus: You must.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Susie: The Fly is about body dysmorphia.
Harvey: Isn't it about a guy who turns into a giant fly?
Sabrina: The original, yes, but Cronenberg said that his remake was a metaphor for STDs.

Sabrina: What about classes like conjuring? Binding rituals? Demonology?
Faustus: You have to fulfill the academy's general requirements first. Just now, I believe you are due at choir practice.

Zelda: Is that what you want, children? To be released from here?
Quentin: Where would we go? This is our home.
Zelda: Yes, it is. So what do you want, then?
Hilda: I believe I know what they want. I was harrowed back in my day, by my own sister, no less. And the thing that I craved more than anything in the world was revenge. They just need someone to give them permission to do it. Isn't that what all well-behaved children need? Permission?

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Hilda: I have been thinking about applying for a job at the bookstore in town, Dr. Cerberus's bookstore.
Zelda: You mean that hovel run by that lunatic trash-peddler who dresses up like a vampire?

Ambrose: What do you want, hellspawn?
Batibat: First, revenge on the family of Edward Spellman. 
Hilda: Did you have to ask, love?

Sabrina: At least this means Father Blackwood has to let me into conjuring class now, right? I mean, I solved the Configuration.
Zelda: And learned a valuable lesson, I hope. Never open a magic box if you don't know what's inside it.
Sabrina: One thing I don't understand. Why would my father trap a demon inside of it?
Hilda: Your father suffered from terrible insomnia. He always said it was a sleep demon tormenting him.
Zelda: All those years, I assumed he was speaking metaphorically, but clearly not. And clearly, he got the better of it.
Ambrose: Surely he must have known the configuration would be opened one day?
Zelda: Or perhaps he never imagined that anyone would be canny enough to solve his puzzle.
Sabrina: My mom was the key. A sketch of her in one of Dad's journals gave me the clue to unlock it.
Hilda: Witches couldn't solve it, but a half witch could. Oh, that's marvelous, isn't it, Zelds?
Zelda: Yes, it's divine that Sabrina's duality almost got us killed.

Hilda: Oh, I haven't been this drunk, you know, since Queen Victoria's coronation. I woke up on the banks of the Thames.

Sabrina: Ms. Wardwell, how did you get here in my dream?
Miss Wardwell: A gin clear mind, self-induced sleep, and clear intent, Sabrina.

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Sabrina: My father deceived me. Aunt Zelda deceived me. Now my teacher? 
Ambrose: All right then. Get me a bit of her hair and I'll make all her teeth fall out.

Zelda: Sabrina, cases of actual demonic possession are extremely rare, despite what the false god and his propaganda machine would have you believe.
Hilda: Have they called a doctor yet? Because they need to rule out every other possibility first - like, epilepsy, or schizophrenia, Tourette's.

Zelda: Who's talking about witches? Give me their names and I'll make sure they stop talking about anything. Permanently. It's just terrible when teenagers slip into comas, isn't it, Hilda?

Sabrina: I want to go into the mines.
Harvey: What?
Sabrina: To see if I can find some clue as to what might still be affecting Jesse.
Harvey: If you could get past security by yourself, and that's a big if, you'd never be able to find your way around. It's like a maze down there.
Sabrina: Could you draw me a map? 
Harvey: A map? To what? This isn't The Goonies.

Nick: You're a rebel, Spellman. That's how I like my witches.
Sabrina: Nicholas, to be clear, I have a boyfriend.
Nick: Yes, but you also have two natures. You go to two schools. Why not date two guys? I'm down with sharing.

Zelda: Hilda! Need I remind you the Church of Night expressly forbids performing exorcisms?
Hilda: Yes, but I'm excommunicated, aren't I? So, really, what have I got to lose?

Zelda: I refuse to put the safety of my niece in the hands of a spinster schoolmarm and a British batwit.

Sabrina: What made you change your mind?
Zelda: The first witch exorcism ever performed - that seemed like something I should witness firsthand, if only for educational purposes.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Harvey: What are you guys doing for Thanksgiving? 
Sabrina: It's not that big a holiday for us. Aunt Hilda and I watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in the morning, and Aunt Zee watches whatever football games are on. 
Harvey: Your Aunt Zelda's a football fan? 
Sabrina: All contact sports. Then, it's the movies and Chinese food.

Sabrina: Can anyone explain why it looks like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has been nailed to our door?
Hilda: Oh, dear. I'll get some soap and sponges.
Ambrose: And I'll get a plastic bag to collect the lamb entrails.

Zelda: Centuries ago, the 14 women belonging to the earliest incarnation of the Church of Night were chased out of the township of Greendale into the hills, the forest.
Hilda: The men of Greendale had hunted all the animals. So, you know, really, there was nothing to eat.
Ambrose: The witches would've starved and died that winter, had it not been for the sacrifices of Freya, the youngest, strongest witch. She, um-
Zelda: Freya slit her own throat and offered up her body so that the coven would have sustenance through the cold months, into the spring. Praise Freya! 
Hilda & Ambrose: Praise Freya!
Sabrina: Wait, are we seriously talking about cannibalism?
Ambrose: It's not unlike the Donner Party.

Zelda: Our obligation is not to question, it is to obey and participate.

Sabrina: We're talking about murder here!
Ambrose: Ritual sacrifice. It's slightly different.

Ambrose: The lamb is the queen and the shepherd is the handmaiden.
Zelda: The queen's exaltation is the highest honor, so for the next three days, while the coven fasts and prepares for the feast, the handmaiden must indulge the queen's every whim.
Sabrina: Great! So I'm supposed to spoil the girl who harrowed me.
Ambrose: Preferably with figs and wild berries to sweeten her meat before the feast.
Sabrina: That's not even funny, Ambrose.
Ambrose: Oh, come on, cuz. It is a little funny - Prudence getting her just desserts by literally becoming the dessert.

Prudence: I'm dying for a warm buttermilk bath and a plate of macarons.

Sabrina: If you wanted to escape, I would happily look the other way.
Prudence: Why would I want to escape? I'm about to be transubstantiated.
Sabrina: Meaning?
Prudence: After the coven consumes my body, I will be a part of every single witch in the Church of Night forever. But that's not even the best part. My spirit will reside in the Dark Lord's heart alongside the other queens, basking in the glow of his glorious fire until the trumpets of the apocalypse are sounded.
Sabrina: And you believe that?

Prudence: Where are you going, handmaiden?
Sabrina: Baxter High - to live my life as fully as possible, for as long as possible.
Prudence: The shepherd is meant to take care of the lamb. 
Sabrina: You can come with me, if you want. 
Prudence: And why would I do that?
Sabrina: Boys. Lots and lots of mortal boys. To torment. And seduce. Or both. Who knows, Prudence? Maybe you'll find the meaning of life at Baxter High.
Prudence: Oh, you had me at boys to torment.

Harvey: Basically, the Kinkles got ownership of the mines in a a land grab. Kicked some people out who lived in the hills and took them over. 
Sabrina: What does that mean? 
Prudence: By "kicked out," he means killed and by "took over," he means stole.

Miss Wardwell: Girls, let's not be catty bitches.

Harvey: This happens every year. They start drinking before breakfast and pass out before lunch.

Lady Blackwood: I enchanted the ballot box to favor Prudence as queen.
Faustus: Why would you do that?
Lady Blackwood: Because she and her slut sisters are your seed. Because you are a voracious slut yourself and that means trouble for my children.
[Ambrose takes a huge gulp of wine]

Agatha & Dorcas: Are we your daughters, too?
Faustus: Hmm? No, you're just orphans.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Zelda: This is the perilousness of being a witch who consorts with mortals - having knowledge they don't, not being able to act on it or share it.

Faustus: Brother Ambrose, I am at a loss. As soon as Lucas spoke to me about you, I looked into your dossier. You went to Oxford and published a book of poetry at 17. You painted with the Surrealists, taught stage magic to Houdini. My boy, how did you ever end up as part of a plot to blow up the Vatican?

Zelda: I've fought to hold the Spellmans to the mark since Edward's death. But we're a fallen family. Half-mortal, house-arrested, excommunicated. There are times I feel I'm running a halfway house for wayward witches.

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Nick: Agatha's sick, really sick. Prudence says she's vomiting up dirt.
Sabrina: What's that got to do with me?
Nick: We killed her, buried her, and brought her back to life. The fact that Agatha's coughing up grave dirt can't be coincidence.

Hilda: Virginia Woolf. She could throw a dinner party.

Ambrose: Not to question you, auntie, but you just prescribed Alka-Seltzer to a girl who came back from the dead.

Sabrina: I took a book from [Miss Wardwell's] office.
Zelda: Oh, so you're a thief as well as a murderer.

Zelda: I couldn't say no. I could never say no to Sabrina. 
Hilda: Zelda, you always say no to Sabrina. She just doesn't listen to you.

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  • 1 month later...

Zelda: Imagine, a baby in the house just in time for the winter holidays. It couldn't be more perfect.
Ambrose: A pity the child in question was abducted.
Zelda: Ambrose, need I remind you of the High Priest's rather Herod-like tendencies when it comes to baby girls?
Ambrose: What I can't fathom is how you expect to keep the babe's existence a secret.
Zelda: What secret? There's no secret. Leticia is a long lost Spellman sent to us from the old country to raise, as we did Sabrina.

Ambrose: I'll read A Christmas Carol. Even Auntie Z can appreciate that story.
Zelda: I like the ghosts in it.
Ambrose: Well, Christmas is the best time for ghost stories.

Ros: You want us to be a part of your séance?
Sabrina: Yeah. To contact my mom. I mean, no pressure, of course, but I thought I'd at least ask. Is it too soon? And too weird? Or both? 
Susie: Too soon. 
Ros: Too weird.

Sabrina: I got you something for Christmas. Open it. They're these special colored pencils my Aunt Hilda found in a shop in England. Their tips never wear down.
Harvey: So they're magic?
Sabrina: I'd say enchanted.

Sabrina: Morning, aunties. 
Hilda: Blessed morning, darling.
Zelda: It is a blessed morning, considering none of us had our throats slit by malevolencies during the night.
Sabrina: Aunt Zelda, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my mom. I wasn't trying to hurt you. In fact, it was the exact opposite.
Zelda: As King Lear famously said, "How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have an ungrateful child." 
Sabrina: What? So you're allowed to kidnap babies, but I'm not allowed to want to contact my own mother?

Sabrina: Who's Gryla? 
Zelda: A very dangerous witch. During a famine, she and another woman from her coven made a pact - they would eat their own children to survive.
Sabrina: Seriously, what is it with witches and cannibalism?

Zelda: Ambrose, you're going to have to get out of the house.
Amrbose: Why is that?
Zelda: Gryla was abandoned by her husband and she doesn't like men.
Hilda: She does like eating them.

Gryla: Why do you summon me, witches?
Zelda: To take your children home.
Gryla: Oh, is this where my yule lads have gotten to? What do you offer me in exchange?
Hilda: Well, let's see. We have some fresh baked Christmas - solstice cookies. A cone of sugar, a pound of marzipan, some mince pies and some yummy teacakes and delicious fruit jelly
Gryla: Do you have any gin?

Sabrina: How do we find [Bartel]? A divination spell?
Zelda: No need to be so baroque. The Greendale White Pages.

Ros: Brina, is this what it's like being a witch? You know, hosting séances and fighting demons?
Sabrina: Not usually. Except kind of.

Sabrina: Susie, are you okay?
Susie: I'm fine, but there's a demon in there, and a witch, I think. Oh my gosh, my dad.
Zelda: We'll take you right home and explain everything to him.
Susie: No! That I was kidnapped by a demon? No, he'll never let me get an after school job again.
Hilda: Well, maybe not everything, but I have some nice shortbread cookies that will make him think the last twelve hours had been but a dream.

Ambrose: Where have you lot been?
Sabrina: We saved Susie from a demon and then erased her dad's memory. 
Ambrose: Sounds about right.

Ambrose: Aside from the home invasion and the child abduction, I'd say this was a rather merry solstice.

Hilda: Now all we have to do is get through witch epiphany in one piece without some other terror rising from the bowels of hell.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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  • 3 months later...

Sabrina: I want to be Top Person because I believe I can make the coven better.
Ambrose: Really? Because you spurn the coven at every turn, you question our every ritual, you assail every tradition, so excuse-
Sabrina: Not every tradition. Just the ones that involve the murder and cannibalization of young witches.

Wardwell: How many boys are you competing against? 
Sabrina: Just one. Nick Scratch.
Wardwell: Well, with a name like that, I can only imagine he's trouble.

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Sabrina: As for Nick, he's a friend.
Prudence: Yes, yes, we've all heard that refrain. But come on, Sabrina. In the dark, late at night, between the sheets of your virgin's bed, are you telling me you've never had the odd stray thought about Nick? Imagined him slipping through the window? Between your legs? 
Sabrina: Eww! You're like one of my Aunt Hilda's bad Harlequin romance novels.
Prudence: Lust isn't a sin, Sabrina, it's an emotion.

Sabrina: If I say yes to this one thing, it'll be harder to say no to the next.

Sabrina: Maybe I need to get back to my non-satanic friends.

Roz: How are things at your other school? The - what's it called again?
Sabrina: The Academy of Unseen Arts. We're doing a play.
Harvey: The Crucible?
Sabrina: Harvey, was that a joke?
Harvey: Kind of. But not really.

Sabrina: He asked me to steal a pack of gum, which is totally not a big deal.
Wardwell: Oh, but it is. It is a big deal. Every avalanche begins with a snowflake. Trust me, the path to consummate evil is cumulative, not singular. Today it's gum. Tomorrow he'll be asking you to poison Greendale's reservoir.

Dorcas: Am I saying it right? 
Zelda: Not remotely.

Zelda: Sister Jackson has decided to pick on me, Hilda, as if we were common schoolgirls. I turned the other cheek when she tried to kill me with a gargoyle but then she teleported her familiar down my throat to humiliate me in front of all the students and that I cannot abide.

Zelda: We missed you at rehearsals today, Sabrina.
Sabrina: I already have all of Lilith's lines memorized, Aunt Z. And frankly, hearing Dorcas say them makes my ears bleed.
Zelda: Ugh. Can't argue with that. What would you say to frog's legs for dinner?
Sabrina: Can't we just have pizza?

Sabrina: Was that really what it was like between Lilith and the Dark Lord?
Nick: Or was it just Father Blackwood's sick wish fulfillment, you mean?

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Sabrina: Aunties, what exactly is Lupercalia?
Zelda: It's a lusty pastoral festival started by the Roman witches under the reign of Caligula. Named after the Lupercal, the cave where the twin founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus, were suckled by the She-Wolf. It was instituted as a means to purify the city and increase health and fertility.
Hilda: Nowadays, it's less about fertility and it's more about blah blah blah. 
Zelda: Sex, Hilda. 
Hilda: Yes.
Zelda: S-E-X. Sex. 
Hilda: I know. I know. I can spell it.
Zelda: There will be much fanfare about it at the Academy. Father Blackwood, of course, will be Master of the Hunt.
Sabrina: So it's a hunt?
Zelda: The festival is comprised of three events. The Matching, during which you are paired with a random warlock. The Courting, where you and said warlock spend the night together in unholy abstinence. And the Hunt, a run through the woods which climaxes in a frenzy of orgiastic carnality.

Zelda: Sabrina, Lupercalia is a symphony of sensuality and pleasure, not shame and regret, as the False God and your Aunt Hilda would have you believe.

Prudence: The milk and blood are for the purification. The oysters and figs are for fertility and virility. The cherries are for popping.

Nick: Nervous?
Sabrina: Maybe a little bit.
Nick: About what in particular?
Sabrina: Everything. I mean, we're not even officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and yet tomorrow, we have to take part in some crazy bacchanal.
Nick: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm terrified.
Sabrina: Yeah, right. I caught you in the attic with my cousin having an orgy.

Zelda; Hilda, what's the matter with you?
Hilda: I gave Dr. Cee my heart. And I asked him if he would be my Valentine, but he doesn't want me. 
Zelda: Now, sister, compose yourself. You, Hilda Spellman, are no ordinary woman to be brushed aside like the ashes from yesterday's Sabbath pyre. You, Hilda, are a huntress.
Hilda: I don't know. If you tease me, I can't take it.
Zelda: I'm not teasing you. I'm encouraging you. Make this glorified carny you're sweet on feverish with lust. Seduce him. Put on the glamour of the century, march into that store, and claim what's yours!

Hilda: Why are our beds so high?

Zelda: Did you entrap the shopkeeper with your glamour? 
Hilda: Not exactly. He's an incubus.
Zelda: A sex demon. Oh, Hildie.
Hilda: Well, I'm reading up on how to, you know, tame him.
Zelda: You'll need chains forged from Damascus steel, strong enough to contain the most aggressive incubus. Fair warning, he'll need to be wearing them whenever you-
Hilda: Oh, no, no, no, no! How do you know so much about Damascus steel and chains and incubi?
Zelda: Oh, sister. As if I haven't tangled with my fair share of sex demons.

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Prudence: After the wedding, will Zelda Spellman take your name?
Blackwood: Not this again. Of course she will, Prudence.
Prudence: And will Sabrina be a Blackwood?
Blackwood: Never. She has as little claim to the name as, well, you.

Blackwood: Your Most Unholy, you honor us.
Anti-Pope: Yes, I know.

Hilda: So, in actuality, you're a selfish and petty and jealous bitch.

Adam: We don't have to discuss it, of course, but I thought you wanted us to get married.
Wardwell: I'm sure that was true, once, but you've been gone so long, and, well, I've I've changed inside. I'm not the same woman anymore. And have you really, ever, really thought, about what a marriage is?
Adam: Oh, it's two people declaring their love for each other, for the world to celebrate. It's a blessing.
Wardwell: For the man, perhaps, but if it really were a blessing, truly a desirable state, would we need to dress it up with lace, silk, and frill? Litter the bride's path with rose petals? No, but we do, because marriage is a walk down the primrose path towards a woman's destruction. It's nothing less than the complete obliteration of a woman's personhood. It takes everything from her - her body, her independence, even her soul, and gives nothing in return. Nothing she'd want, at any rate. Those are my true feelings about marriage. So you see, it's quite impossible for me to imagine a scenario in which we're ever married, Adam.

Sabrina: A joint wedding and funeral?
Blackwood: Hail Satan! Hail Judas!

Dorian: Come back as often as you like, boys. I adore men in uniforms.

Sabrina: I'm not giving up now. There's no way I'm letting my parents' death go unavenged. And I won't let my Aunt Zelda get caught up or crushed by that man either.
Nick: What's the plan?
Sabrina: Hamlet.
Nick: Are we resurrecting him?
Sabrina: In the play, Hamlet's uncle Claudius kills his father to marry his mother Gertrude. To reveal Claudius as the villain, Hamlet puts on a play in front of Claudius that re-enacts the murder.
Nick Did it work?
Sabrina: No. But Hamlet wasn't a warlock, and he didn't know about glamour spells.

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Sabrina: I'd like to lodge a formal complaint.
Hilda: With whom?
Sabrina: Uh, who's the witch equivalent of Amnesty International?

Dorcas: Dear Ambrose, prison life agrees with you.
Ambrose: If I'm going to die here, I might as well leave a good-looking corpse.

Cerberus: I'm confused. You want them to throw the bones at your nephew?
Hilda: Well, how else is he going to make a skeleton key and escape?

Dorian: You shot me. You bitch!

Sabrina: Ambrose, where is everyone?
Ambrose: Two angels took them.
Sabrina: Angels?
Harvey: Aren't angels supposed to be nice?
Nick: Have you ever actually read the Bible, mortal? Angels are the ones with fiery swords.

Harvey: You're not seriously gonna let her go alone, are you? It's a suicide mission.
Nick: You don't seriously think I tell her what to do, do you?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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42 minutes ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Harvey: You're not seriously gonna let her go alone, are you? It's a suicide mission.
Nick: You don't seriously think I tell her what to do, do you?

That's the moment Nick became 100% the guy I want Sabrina with. 

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Sabrina: What did you see, Harvey?
Harvey: You looked like Dark Phoenix from the X-Men.
Sabrina: Are you seriously talking to me about comic books right now?

Hilda: Does [Sabrina] control the weather now?

Blackwood: Ms. Spellman, we've heard reports of levitation, the slaughter of angels, the resurrection of dead witches. How does a first year, half-mortal student manage that?
Sabrina: You know the story of Pandora, don't you, Father Blackwood? It's almost a parable, a cautionary tale. The gods give Pandora a jar containing all the sorrows of the world - toil, famine, pestilence, death. They armed her for vengeance, Father Blackwood, for destruction. So when you ask me to explain these miracles, as you call them, I feel I must warn you. Do you really want to open that lid?
Blackwood: How dare you caution me? I am your Anti-Pope.
Sabrina: Instead of interrogating me, you should be thanking me.

Sabrina: Great, they're all terrified of me.
Nick: Can you blame them? I mean, you died and then brought yourself back to life, which is, it goes without saying, a paradox.

Zelda: Satan in hell, what am I wearing?

Dark Lord: Are you so blind to my will?
Blackwood: Dark Lord, Master.
Dark Lord: Silence, pretender. You degrade this coven with your pettiness.

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Theo: Sabrina, you said you were the herald of hell.
Sabrina: It was just a guess, Theo.
Nick: Though the imagery surrounding the picture of Sabrina is definitely apocalyptic and infernal in nature.
Harvey: Dude, not helping. I should go back into the mines and board up tunnel 13 so no one else sees that.
Theo: Or finds the albino witch that I killed.
Nick: Good plan, Harry. 
Sabrina: It's Harvey.

Ambrose: Bloody hell, cuz. Why do these things always happen to you?
Sabrina: I wish I knew, but please don't tell the aunties.
Ambrose: That the Apocalypse is imminent and you might be responsible? Keep that a secret?

Blackwood: Zelda, dearest, what are you doing?
Zelda: Why, making myself beautiful for you, husband.

Hilda: You sit there on your platform and your privilege and you pretend you're better than the rest and you're not. I know the truth. Blackwood's a killer and because his downfall would bring about yours, you close ranks and you turn a blind eye, but but I see you. And the Dark Lord does too. Arses.

Blackwood flunkie: Hello there, Sabrina.
Mandrake Sabrina: Hello. Do I know you?
Blackwood flunkie: We speak for Faustus Blackwood. Where are you going?
Mandrake Sabrina: To check on my friends.
Blackwood flunkie: You don't have any friends. You're too much of a loud-mouthed bitch to have friends.
Mandrake Sabrina: I don't like your tone much. Why can't people just be nice to me?

Ambrose: Are we having buyer's remorse?
Sabrina: Not a bit.
Ambrose: You're a terrible liar, Sabrina. Just wait till you get your first cold. Then you'll be sorry.

Ambrose: Once you kill the mandrake, you'll never get your witch powers back.
Sabrina: Is there any other way? To stop the prophecy?
Ambrose: Not that I can think of, alas.
Sabrina: Will it hurt her?
Ambrose: The mandrake? Well, it is a vegetable.

Harvey: I'm never going to eat another vegetable again. 
Theo: You ate vegetables before?

Wardwell: You can't stop the prophecy. You know that, don't you?
Nick: Sour grapes that we're dashing your hopes for an apocalypse?

Zelda: Hilda, you killed Methuselah?
Hilda: He got, um, a bit handsy.

Mandrake Sabrina: You shot early! That's not fair!

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Ambrose: Sabrina created a mandrake that's absorbed her witch powers.
Hilda: All of them?
Sabrina: And that's not even the worst of it.
Zelda: What's worse than you being mortal?

Dorian: Well, well, what have we here? Normally, the Gray Room has a strict dress code, but in your case, I do believe I'll make an exception.

Lilith: Why [Sabrina[ and not me?
Dark Lord: Self-pity bores me, Lilith. And you know what I'm like when I'm bored.

Sabrina: [Wardwell]'s the Dark Lord's lackey, Aunt Hilda. She's been plotting against me, against us, this whole time.
Zelda: Is that so? Is that how you got past our protection?
Wardwell: Well, I don't have the same aversion to onions as our Dark Lord has.

Blackwod: Dark Father, you honor us with Your glory. I offer myself unto you, slave to your will. My soul is as wormwood in your fist.
Dark Lord: Faustus, rise and tell me of my Church of Night.
Blackwood: I have brought the coven back to the old ways. With your blessing, we are now the Church of Judas, Dark Lord.
Dark Lord: And what of Sabrina?
Blackwood: Uh, she's been, uh, Sabrina Spellman is a very dangerous-
Dark Lord: A child? Dangerous? Too dangerous for you? The High Priest of the Church of what was it, Judas? I knew Judas, by the way. You, sir, are no Judas.

Dark Lord: Your Church of Judas, like all covens of darkness, exists only to exalt me and now, Sabrina Spellman. You and your flock will report to her, answer to her, bow to her.
Blackwood: What?

Theo: Let's go stop the apocalypse.

Sabrina: When I was playing Lilith in the passion play, I kept wondering, "Why does Lilith bend to the Dark Lord? Why does she do his bidding?"
Lilith: Promises were made, that if I served him faithfully, he'd lift me up, make me queen of hell. It's all I've ever wanted.
Sabrina: And you believed him?

Sabrina: You sent for me and I came. What is it you want from me?
Dark Lord: Respect? Love? No? Well, soon enough for those things. In the meantime, I'd settle for gratitude.
Sabrina: Gratitude? For what?
Dark Lord: Have I not given you every worthwhile thing? Beauty, strength, power above all other mortals?
Sabrina: I didn't ask for those things. I didn't want those things.
Dark Lord: Now that is a lie, and there should be no lies between us, Sabrina, not on the eve of our glorious ascension. The truth is, Sabrina, you have loved the power I have given you. You've reveled in it. Your wrath, when you've shown it, has been magnificent. I have waited a millennia for such a fit consort. I will not be denied it now.
Sabrina: Then might I suggest Lilith?
Dark Lord: Lilith knows her place, her purpose - to serve. Here's yours - you will blow the horn of Gabriel for me, opening the gates to the pit for the aristocracy of hell, who will attend your coronation. You will wear the crown. You will sit in the throne. And then once we have danced the Mephisto Waltz, the world will be remade in Hell's image. All the demon hordes will be freed, and you and I will rule over hell on earth, together, for all eternity.
Sabrina: Sorry, but I have school.

Dark Lord: There is no such thing as choice. There is only my desire.

Ambrose: Unholy shit.

Ambrose: In siring a babe of a witch, mortal, and infernal blood, [the Dark Lord] perverts the Holy Trinity. A sacrilegious conception, to birth an only ill-begotten child of his own and instigate the apocalypse.
Sabrina: So he tricked my father and used my mother? And now he expects me to fall in line? Well, I say not today, Satan.

Zelda: And why would you turn against the Dark Lord now?
Lilith: Well, perhaps someone's defiance has given me hope that my story isn't finished yet, that my destiny hasn't been decided yet.
Sabrina: I don't believe you.
Lilith: Fine, it's because I want the throne and crown. I've worked for them, I've earned them, they're mine. And if he won't give them to me, then let's gut the bastard and I'll take them for myself.
Sabrina: At least you're being honest.

Hilda: What what do we do against the Dark Lord? I mean, he's a bit of a god, isn't he?
Lilith: No, he's not a god and never has been. That's one of the devil's greatest lies. He's just a fallen angel, a creature of the cosmos. Powerfully ageless, but I've seen him bleed. And I know his weak spots.

Lilith: Now does anyone here know how to smelt?

Lilith: Sabrina you will exploit the Dark Lord's first and greatest weakness - his arrogance, pride, and ego.

Lilith: He sent me to help you get ready for the ball, like a satanic fairy godmother, I suppose.

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10 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Lilith: He sent me to help you get ready for the ball, like a satanic fairy godmother, I suppose.

I have to admit. I kind of want a satanic fairy godmother. lol

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  • 9 months later...

Sabrina: Dorian Gray! I need your help. 
Dorian: Don't look at me. I'm hideous!
Sabrina: What? What happened?
Dorian: I have a a pimple. I haven't had a pimple since Basil painted my portrait.

Dorian: I do have a portal [to hell], which I will allow you to use for a price. I want you to bring something back for me.
Sabrina: Let me guess - your soul?
Dorian: No, I have no use for that. There is only one flower that grows in hell, in the forest of torment - la fleur du mal. It is the original flower of evil that inspired the poet Baudelaire. Its nectar could help me with my facial deformity.

Harvey: Are humans even allowed in hell?
Sabrina: Well, technically, no, but there are ways around that.

Harvey: What is this stuff again?
Sabrina: Ghastly water. Basically water you get from wiping down corpses.
Roz: Eww.

Harvey: Wait, so hell is a beach?

Prudence: Where are they? Where have you hidden my brother and sister?
Faustus: If you kill me, they'll never be found.
Ambrose: Quite the contrary. We can easily extract that information from your corpse using necromancy.

Zelda: How do I look, sister?
Hilda: Like a Daphne du Maurier novel.

Zelda: Did you hear them? Their bald-faced lies about communing with the Dark Lord? What poppycock! Every single one of them - hypocrites and charlatans, blatant mendacity.

Sabrina: You're lying - again.
Lucifer: I do lie, and often, but not about this.

Lilith: Let me give you a tip - a real queen refers to herself with the pluralis majestatis, the royal we. 

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Sabrina: Lucifer.
Lucifer: Call me daddy.

Hilda: Look, Headmistress. I've made you a little plate of lovely morning biscuits to wish you luck on your first day.
Zelda: Perhaps you'd like to talcum my derriere too, sister.

Lilith: You really are the worst.

Harvey: So dragging souls to Hell is, like, what, your after-school job?
Sabrina: Uh, kind of. But surprisingly, that's not even the weirdest part.

Sabrina: When I do drag Jimmy's soul to the very bad place, it'll leave behind his freshly dead body, which, if we move fast enough so there's not much decay, we can use as a new prison for the Dark Lord.
Roz: Instead of Nick's body.
Harvey: So it's like Freaky Friday!

Harvey: Okay, fine, but I'm driving.
Theo: Wait, why do you always get to drive?
Harvey: I'm the only one of us who has a license, Theo.

Zelda: They called me a bitch. Me.
Hilda: They probably meant that ironically.
Zelda: Would any of them have ever called Faustus a bitch? No. 
Hilda: No. 
Zelda: And he was a little bitch.
Hilda: He was a bit of a bitch, wasn't he?

Harvey: This is nuts. We're in high school. We should be worried about midterms, not dragging the friendly neighborhood ice cream man to hell.
Sabrina: Let's just stick to the plan. We can freak out later.

Jimmy: I've got my extension fee all lined up for you, as usual.
Sabrina: Extension fee?
Jimmy: Yes. Extension of my contract. Seven more years of life in exchange for an innocent soul. As soon as I finish my shift, we can go and I'll cut her little heart out and eat it.
Sabrina: What? Are you talking about sacrificing a child?
Jimmy: You betcha. Doesn't get more innocent than a little girl.

Lucifer: After seven years, I came to collect, but [Jimmy] begged for more time. So I told him the price.
Sabrina: A child's soul.
Lucifer: An innocent soul. I never said it had to be a child. That was his predilection.

Lilith: Now, while we're waiting, may I offer you gentlemen some refreshments? Minion, help me fetch our guests something to drink. Something to get them in a stupor. Feel free to add your own piss and bile to the concoction.

Zelda: Striking a student. Never in my life. I slapped Agatha before I even knew what I was doing.
Hilda: We've all wanted to slap Agatha.

Sabrina: How'd you find me?
Lilith: Well, I found Miss Walker. She filled me in on your antics, and then it was just a matter of picking up your psychic trail.
Sabrina: I leave behind a psychic trail?
Lilith: Like a slug leaves slime. Do you think perhaps you wouldn't have found yourself trapped in a walk-in freezer if you'd simply done what was asked of you instead of dithering around with your friends?
Sabrina: I was trying to find a way to use Jimmy Platt to save Nick.
Lilith: Of course it's about a boy.

Harvey: Why don't we just arrest [Jimmy]? Or, like, beat the shit out of him?

Jimmy: My deal was with the Dark Lord.
Sabrina: Yes, but Hell's under new management now - mine.

Faustus: I've seen beyond the veil of this world, oh, mighty Satan. I know there are powers more vast and cosmic than a single vainglorious fallen angel.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Demon: All hail King Herod who slaughtered innocent babes!

Theo: I was actually thinking about asking that new guy Robin to go [to the carnival] with me.
Harvey: That's awesome! His hair is so cool.

Harvey: To tell you the truth, I'm feeling a little nervous with Roz these days too. I think she wants us to take it to the next level, but I I've never been to the next level.

Ambrose: So my little cousin is Queen of Hell?
Sabrina: Shh! Not so loud, Ambrose. 
Ambrose: I'm assuming because you're still alive that the aunties do not know?

Melvin: It's Buxom and the Beast.
Elspeth: It's a witchy romance novel. Everyone's obsessed.
Zelda: "Bodice ripper in the most delicious of ways. This tale of a humble witch and her incubus lover being terrorized by the witch's loveless spinster hag of a sister." By Helga Stillwell.
Hilda: "And as she stood before her incubus lover, his member throbbing beneath his sweat-drenched jodhpurs, she felt the firm leather riding crop in her hand and was reminded of what it was to love and be loved."
Zelda: Hilda Spellman! Or should I say, Helga Stillwell? Care to explain this trash?
Hilda: Hey, don't call it that. Look, you asked me to keep the children distracted.
Zelda: I did, but not with some poorly written, luridly plotted roman à clef. Have you no shame? Well, clearly not. And how did you get this worth less than a penny dreadful published?
Hilda: Dr. Cee helped me. 
Zelda: Oh, did he? And did he also tell you to paint me, your very own sister, as some desiccated villain?
Hilda: Write what they know - isn't that what they say?
Zelda: Now is not the time to reinvent yourself as a pulp novelist. We are in a moment of grave crisis. Your responsibility is to the academy and only the academy.
Hilda: No, it's not! It's not. I care - of course I care. I'll do what I can to help protect these little lambs. But the academy, it's your calling. It's not mine. You wanted to be directrix. You wanted to be high priestess, not me.
Zelda: You are a Spellman. You have a duty.
Hilda: I have a duty to myself to be happy.

Nick: How'd your reformation go over?
Sabrina: You know, shockingly, the kings of hell didn't embrace my ideas with the gusto I was hoping for.
Nick: No kidding.
Sabrina: You think they'd be excited to have a 16 year old witch tell them how to do their business, but no.

Agatha: What's it like having been with both Sabrina and her daddy?

Sabrina: Riverdale's a big, scary place.
Ambrose: True, but we have this.
Sabrina: A compass?
Ambrose: An immoral compass.

Ambrose: The crown of Herod. Could the crown be tapped as a source of power, of energy for the witches of Greendale? The crown appears to be charging my wand with its energies. What makes you so powerful? Is it magnetism? Is it hexcraft? Is it the blood magic of a thousand babes slaughtered? Why do I smell maple syrup?

Hilda: [Zelda] has never yet accepted that we're just different witches and we just want different things and different lives. I just want to grow old in a little cottage with a fire and my spiders and a dog - not a stuffed one.  And I just, I don't know, I want to knit and read and watch reruns of The Munsters on TV.

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Zelda: You are our coven's youngest living member, Sabrina, which means you are our symbolic hare and must walk into the woods and release the pardoned rabbit whilst singing a song of summer.
Sabrina: Okay, but it makes zero sense. I mean, during Feast of Feasts, we literally cannibalize a witch. So during the Hare Moon, we release a rabbit. How does that track?
Zelda: It is not the time to question traditions.

Zelda: It means the Dark Lord is a sore loser and he's cut us off like the petulant brat he is.

Zelda: Ambrose goes with you.
Ambrose: Hell?
Sabrina: Aunt Z, I'm Queen of Hell.
Zelda: I don't care if you're the Queen of England. You're still my niece. I won't have you going to one of the Nether Realms without some familial support. Or, of course, we could all come with you. 
Hilda: Ooh, blimey, what would I wear? 
Sabrina: Fine, Ambrose can come.
Ambrose: Well, what am I going to wear?

Dorian: Mmm, delicious. What? You can hardly expect me to decant a celestial without sampling the vintage.

Hilda: What's the matter with [Nick] now?
Sabrina: He's been moody, and I think he's been drinking. And I just caught him cavorting with sex demons.

Zelda: I detest teen angst.

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Mambo Marie: We do not need to fight each other. That is what men do. But we are women, n'est-ce pas?

Gryla: Do you have any gin?

Doctor Cee: If you had to choose, like, absolutely had to choose, would it be Munsters or Addams Family?
Hilda: Oh, gosh. 
Doctor Cee: Be careful with this choice. It could be a deal-breaker. 
Hilda: I know. So this is the controversial decision. 
Doctor Cee: Oh, no. 
Hilda: But The Munsters.

Prudence: Let me ask you this - did Nicholas ever thank you?
Sabrina: For what?
Prudence: For saving his life, for helping him get clean.
Sabrina: No. 
Prudence: No. And yet, all you want is to go back for more. Hmm. I would think that you, of all people, would have more self-respect than that.

Caliban: We could align and rule Hell together.
Sabrina: Align?
Caliban: Get married.
Sabrina: Married? I think we want different things, Caliban. 
Caliban: Are you certain of that? 
Sabrina: A hundred percent. I don't want to turn earth into the tenth circle of hell for starters. 
Caliban: What if I took that off the table? 
Sabrina: Is this a negotiation?

Sabrina: I need certain things from you in writing first. And to be clear, our alignment would be political and not romantic. 
Caliban: Carnal?

Zelda: Lilith, what in the heaven are you doing here? What's wrong?
Lilith: You know very well. Lucifer walks free. Don't you think he'll take vengeance upon us? The Dark Lord is not known to forgive and forget. I've already received a threat. I need asylum.
Zelda: I am sorry for that, but we're rather more focused on not being annihilated by a group of unhinged pagans.

Nick: Oh, wow, that didn't take long. I guess I was right.
Sabrina: Right about what, Nick?
Nick: About you and your friend here. I knew it the night of the carnival.
Sabrina: Caliban is helping me save Roz.
Nick: It's okay, Spellman, you don't have to lie to me.
Sabrina: Lie to you? I have never once lied to you about anything, Nick - unlike you, who lied to me constantly when you weren't cheating on me.
Prudence: She does have a point, Nicky.
Sabrina: And I am sorry. I am truly sorry you went through what you did. Everyone on this planet owes you a debt they can never repay, but you're not a martyr, and you're not an innocent. And don't ever disrespect me again or you can forget about us ever being friends. 
Nick: Sabrina. 
Sabrina: Save it. Believe it or not, I have more important things to deal with than your drama and narcissism right now.

Caliban: You're still in love with [Nick], or is it just lust?
Sabrina: Quit while you're ahead, Caliban.
Caliban: Or is it the mortal [Harvey] that you love?
Sabrina: Excuse me? -
Caliban: As he loves you. 
Sabrina: He does not. 
Caliban: Mmm.
Sabrina: Okay, you know what? I so do not need to be having this conversation with you right now.
Caliban: Is this what it's like for you when you're not in hell?
Sabrina: It's called multi-tasking, Caliban.

Circe: Release me, heathens!
Sabrina: Not until you undo the damage you and your pagans did to our friends. First you're turning Roz and Dorcas here back to flesh.
Circe: Even if I could, I would never.
Sabrina: You're a witch of transformation, Circe, that's what you do.
Ambrose: Well, if you don't, I suppose we only really need your hands.
Prudence: Ambrose is right, Circe. We can do this the easy way.
Harvey: Or we can do this the Zero Dark Thirty way.
Prudence: We'll take those hands from you ourselves to save our friends. Try to attack us and we'll chop you down like a tree.

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Robin: I'm a hobgoblin.
Theo: Cool! Um, what does that mean, exactly?
Robin: I can run fast.

Lucifer: And you are?
Caliban: Caliban, Prince of Hell.
Lucifer: How can you be Prince of Hell when I, who am Hell itself, know nothing of you?

Ambrose: Unless you know of a younger, fitter, more nubile coven to bring into the circle-
Sabrina: Hold on. It's the very definition of an unholy Magdalene, but Ambrose, I think I already belong to one.

Zelda: Don't you recall what happened?
Hilda: What do you mean?
Zelda: You transformed into a giant spider. You killed him. Then I killed you. You're in the Cain pit, and Ms. Wardwell, I believe, shot me. We must be in the nether realm.
Hilda: Even in death, you have to ruin things, don't you?

Sabrina: What are cheerleaders if not a kind of coven?

Lizzie: So what is this place again? And, uh, not be mean, but who are all these weird people?

Sabrina: Lucifer and Lilith - the dream team back together again.
Lilith: Don't mistake survival or co-dependency for love. We are very much not together.

Sabrina: All I have to do is betray our aunties.
Ambrose: Well, this is the Judas challenge. Betrayal was kind of his thing.

Zelda: Did you know the truth about Sabrina's lineage?  That the Dark Lord was her father?
Edward: Yes. Diana and I made an appeal to the Dark Lord, begged for a child.
Zelda: Well, Sabrina's been quite the handful. You could've warned us.

Nick: What's going on? 
Sabrina: Nick, everything. My Aunt Zelda was shot. My Aunt Hilda was also shot. Blackwood's come back. He's working with the pagans now. 
Nick: What?
Sabrina: Yes, and I have to find the final piece of the unholy regalia before Caliban does.

Vlad: Your blood! It burns! You're a celestial?
Sabrina: My father was an angel. I have his blood. Also? Consent - it's real.

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Sabrina: I feel like I say this all the time, but I've never meant it more - I don't understand.
Future Sabrina: Do you remember that old movie Ambrose loves, Back to the Future? It's just like that, but with magic.

Sabrina: How have you survived all this time alone?
Ambrose: I'm not going to lie. I went a bit mad for a while - a decade or two. The books have been my salvation. I've read, well, I've read everything.

Sabrina: I wasn't lying, I'm not the queen of hell. But also - I am.

Ambrose: That shouldn't even be possible. If you never fulfilled your role and freed yourself in the first place, the fact that there are two of you - you have created a time paradox.
Sabrina: Cool.
Ambrose: No, not cool, not at all. No, the ramifications of this are horrifying at best.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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  • 11 months later...

Ambrose: We have been over this already. It is bad enough for the state of reality that there are two Sabrinas existing simultaneously. Anytime the two of you come into direct contact could precipitate a cataclysm. An alternate timeline could blink into existence next to our own or, even worse, on top of it. That hypothetical alternate timeline could attempt to dominate our own which could result in a crisis that could snuff both timelines out of existence completely.
Sabrina: And that's obviously bad, but we don't know for sure that would happen.

Hilda: I have an idea. It's quite naughty. Also a teensy abusive of your magical gifts.

Hilda: Why is it that bullies always hide behind masks?

Ambrose: As I've said many times previously, contact with your other self could prove cataclysmic.
Sabrina: Aren't we facing something cataclysmic?
Ambrose: True.

Sabrina S: And Caliban?
Sabrina M: I mean, yes, he tried to trap us in the ninth circle for all eternity, but he is totes sorry about it.

Zelda: Since when do you wear a red headband?

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Lilith: I must admit I'm surprised at how approving you are of this wedding. Your only daughter getting married. One might suppose that one might be more selective.
Lucifer: It's a useful union. Caliban has no family who might try to wrest control of the throne. He's made of clay so he won't pollute the Morningstar bloodline. But most importantly, have you seen him shirtless?

Hilda: Ugh, we have been through this already. All I want is a nice, quiet family wedding, a small ceremony right here in our parlor and candles and a fire and everybody dressed as their favorite movie monsters.

Zelda: Before I forget, sister, we must exorcise your groom's sex demon one and for all. Damascus steel won't do much good on your wedding night and the last thing you want is to be torn limb from limb by an incubus.

Lilith: I came to see if your aunts could possibly talk some sense into you about this preposterous wedding of yours. But since I just left Hell where you were tasting wedding cakes, I suspect we'll be having a different conversation now, won't we?

Lilith: Ooh, we could kill [Caliban]!
Sabrina: We could and that's not off the table but maybe we should try to break [Caliban and Sabrina M] up first.

Prudence: The thing about our dark motheris Hecate requires very specific devotion from the men who worship her.
Caliban: Which is what?
Prudence: Well, put plainly, the men in the order of Hecate must be gelded.
Caliban: You're joking.
Prudence: Not a bit. In fact, I am the woman Hecate entrusted with the sacred supplication of our male cohorts, a role I gladly embrace.

Caliban: I want to be a real husband to you, and don't you wish to be a mother?
Sabrina: I'm 16. Besides, we could adopt.
Caliban: Sabrina, I want to be a real father.
Sabrina: That's offensive, Caliban. You know I'm adopted, right?

Sabrina: I don't have a type.
Nick: Sure you do. Sexy but wounded, dangerous guys you can fix.
Sabrina: I can't tell, Nick. Are you flirting with me or insulting me?

Sabrina: No offense to Melvin, who, by the way, is jacked underneath that sweater vest.

Sabrina M: You brought one of the Eldritch terrors?
Sabrina S: The Uninvited. He's been killing people in Greendale. He murdered Dorian Gray at Aunt Hilda's wedding.
Sabrina M: So you brought him to mine?


Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Sabrina: Oh, you know, she got married and she doesn't live here anymore.
Zelda: Selfish to the last.

Sabrina: Is 16 going on 17 too young to be having an existential crisis?
Lucas: I had one when I was eight.

Lucas: I don't know how to say this, but your tongue feels really, really weird.


Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Harvey: You told me point blank you weren't a witch.
Roz: I didn't think that I was. It's just a word.
Harvey: It's more than a word, Roz. It's what you are.
Roz: It's one of the things that I am.

Harvey: Seriously, Theo. Why does every girl I fall in love with turn out to be a witch?
Theo: Maybe you've got a type. I could ask Robin if he knows any lady hobgoblins.

Poster of Sabrina:
Public Enemy No. 1
"Subversive malefactor, wanted for witchcraft, murder, and treason. Report all sightings to the Office of the Emperor."

Miss Wardwell: Who can tell me why are witches so bad for the world?
Harvey: Because they kill babies and eat their flesh and drink their blood.

Ambrose: Prudence, I stopped you from killing Blackwood once and for that I am sorry.

Nick: Who are you?
Sabrina: A friend.
Nick: A hot friend. Just so you know, I could have taken a lot more weight.
Sabrina: Oh, I believe it.
Roz: Brina! Are you really flirting with your ex-boyfriend right now?
Sabrina: He doesn't know who I am. It doesn't count.

Sabrina: What took you so long?
Robin: There were like eight million combinations to try. Now can I go save my boyfriend?

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