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A Million Little Quotes

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Walter: You need me to look at your doorbell? Cause I rang it twice.
Gina: Only twice?

Gary: I made the mistake of falling in love with a woman before asking if she owned a fanny pack.

Gary: Gina asked us to get supplies. Anything specific you want us to do?
Rome: Want you to do?
Gary: Just wanted to see if there was a plan and if, you know, you need anything.
Rome: If I need anything?
Gary: It feels like you're just repeating everything I'm saying but in question form.

Gary: Hey, don't let me forget. Theo wants us to pick up glitter.
Darcy: You mean multi-colored glitter. He texted me in case you messed up.

Darcy: What are you talking about?
Gary: Nothing. Unless you know what I'm talking about.
Darcy: I know everything.
Gary: Well, then, why don't you say it?
Darcy: Well, I'm going to need to hear you say it before I say it because I don't know if we have the same level of security clearance.
Gary: I knew you knew something!

Tyrell: We're gonna go change the world. You guys enjoy watching SportsCenter.

Rome: Your job is not to be a hero today. Your job is to come home.

Florence: I'm Florence, by the way.
Gary: Oh, I know who you are. We've heard all about you. Welcome to the family. I'm Gary, the popular, funny stepson.

Walter: Rome, sit down. And not just because you're blocking the TV.

Walter: I heard what you said to Tyrell. It was perfect.
Rome: I was just repeating what you used to say to me.
Walter: Like I said, perfect.

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Maggie: Any updates?
Gary: Yesterday, Soph brought up going to the police. Or not going actually. She said after having a cathartic time in France, she just wants to put what happened behind her and focus on the future.
Maggie: And what did you say?
Gary: I said, "I support that. And I support you, Sophie." And then I said - check this out - nothing else.
Maggie: I know that was incredibly difficult for you.

Maggie: I've been thinking about adjectives.
Sophie: Ooh, are they splashy, unfathomable, and high-falutin'?

Gina: [My mom]'s doing that thing where she reduces the person she's talking about to the lowest moral act they've ever done.
Rome: It has nothing to do with the story. "You remember my friend Eileen? She stole a cutting board from Bed Bath & Beyond? Oh, yeah, she's doing a juice cleanse!"

Gary:  Hey, before we go, why don't you run upstairs and grab Danny's Dungeons & Dragons stuff? Theo's never played, which means we can totally elf him up.

Darcy: Hi, Maggie. Starting a garage band? 
Maggie: It's never too late to pursue your dreams.

Sophie: If you're trying to earn some money busking, you should know the living room doesn't get much foot traffic.
Maggie: Actually, I am trying to write a new theme song for my podcast because Danny told me mine sucks. Actually, what he said was it would be fine for an ASMR podcast because it makes his skin crawl.
Sophie: Ouch.
Maggie: Yeah. I feel like he's meaner since his voice changed.

Gary: Everybody loves Steven.
Darcy: What does that mean?
Gary: Nothing. Alright. He's been coming up a lot lately. Where you guys at?
Darcy: Where are we at? We're at a place where we're raising a kid together.
Gary: Uh huh. Is that it?
Darcy: Wait. Okay. So your ex-girlfriend can pop by whenever she wants like the wacky neighbor on a '70s sitcom and you're the one who's jealous?

Susan: Your marriage may be ending but your relationship is not over. You're still going to be Theo's parents and you're still going to have to work together.

Shelly: This is so much fun. Regina, we should add this to our own family recipes.
Gina: Yeah, we should. It would be this and milk over flakes of corn.
Shelly: We have recipes. My famous lasagne.
Gina: The one from the box of noodles? That you accidentally put salsa in instead of tomato sauce that one time?

Katherine: Remember when we took you to see Susan and we talked about how you deserve to be happy? I realized that I hadn't done a good job of showing you how to do that. Well, your dad and I have tried to be happy together for a long time. But we realized that we might be happier not being married.

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Gary: Don't take this the wrong way, but I saw you less when we lived together.
Maggie: And charming comments like that are why neither of these coffees are for you.

Gary: Next time you don't get me a coffee, can you also not get me a bagel?

Shelley: You know what would make a great documentary?
Tyrell: The one we just told you about?

Lawyer: I gotta admit, Eddie, I've been expecting this call. Is that French lady giving you and Katherine custody trouble again?
Gary: Oh, wow. You two haven't spoken in a while, huh?
Eddie: Yeah, sorry. I didn't send out my Christmas letter explaining my year. Katherine and I are getting divorced - for real this time.
Lawyer: Well, I've still got that folder here.

Shelley: I was just looking up your symptoms on WebMD.
Gina: I don't know if you noticed, but we have a real MD right here.

Eddie: I have a lawyer, Katherine. I'm going to fight you on this.
Katherine: Fantastic! So I get to pay for that, too?

Gary: He is going to retrofit your minivan for 10% over cost. Throw in an extra 75 bucks, he'll airbrush a narwhal on the side. You give me 80 bucks, I'll make sure he doesn't do that.

Shelley: I'll be right here, trying to figure out your passcode. I'm kidding. I'm sure it's my birthday.

Maggie: I think it's raining too hard for us to take a walk, so I'm just going to heat up a couple of Pop-Tarts instead and if you don't want one, I'm going to eat both of them. Should I just make three?

Eddie: I love you, pal.
Theo: I know.
Gary: Whoa, you just Han Solo-ed your old man. Well done.

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Katherine: What's so urgent?
Carter: I just need you to weigh in on something super quick. Which picture do you prefer? Librarian who's willing to let the library get a little noisy, or flirty golf instructor who wants to show you her back nine?
Katherine: First of all, no. And what is this for?
Carter: Your Flir10 account. It's the new Tinder, but not as Tindery.
Katherine: Carter, I don't need a dating app. I have a date today.
Carter: And Alan is top notch. Of all the eligible bachelors you've met between home and the office, he's the leading brand but you're just getting divorced. You don't have to be in the market for a new car to take a test drive. So, vroom vroom! Let's browse a little, shall we? Now I set the filter so it'll show you people within a 10-mile radius. First up, oh, hello.
Katherine: Carter, that's a woman.
Carter: Oh, yeah, well, I mean, you've been with Eddie the whole time I've known you, so I wasn't sure. What I'm not hearing is a hard no. We'll circle back. Ooh, and next, we have Alan. He looks like your Alan.
Katherine: That is my - that is Alan.
Carter: Ooh.
Katherine: What is he doing on Flir10?
Carter: Okay, first of all, you are also on it.
Katherine: Because you put me on it!
Carter: And it's a good thing I did, or you never would have known that he is on this skanky dating app.

Gary: You upgrading the wheelchair to a jetpack? I think it's smart. If you crash, you just end up back in the wheelchair.

Gary: You look nice. Of course, I'd probably say that to anyone not wearing drawstring pants.

Gary: Have fun on your big date!
Darcy: It's not a date. I'm just getting together with my ex for our quarterly orgy. Relax.
Gary: It's just sex.
Darcy: It's just great sex.
Gary: I want to hear all about it later! Aaaand I took the bit too far.

Tyrell: So if you get this commercial, does that mean we have to put the documentary on hold?
Rome: No, it means that we have money to pay for the documentary. And the mortgage. And in case you haven't noticed, Gina and I are fostering a 160-pound baby who has very expensive taste in sneakers.

Rome: You sound pretty upset about this. Sounds like someone needs a Dr. Brock's root beer.

Sophie: It's been almost three months, and I'm just starting to wonder if I'm ever going to feel like myself again. Because honestly, I just really miss me.

Maggie: My cancer support group that I go to on Wednesdays has been really helpful for me.
Sophie: Isn't that where you met Gary?
Maggie: Yep. And me and the other women who met Gary there have a separate support group that meets on Thursdays.

Eddie: I'm going to go alone. I'm just gonna get a rideshare.
Gary: "Rideshare"? Who calls it a rideshare? What are you, a sign at the airport?

Rome: It's not that I wanted to die. It's just that I just ran out of reasons to live, you know? I was tired. Not sleep-deprived, just tired - tired of hurting, tired of pretending to be happy, tired of just seeing people laugh and wondering why my laugh didn't seem as sincere. I think that there's this storm inside of me sometimes, and when I'm in the thick of it, it just feels like the sun is never going to shine. Took me a really long time to realize that if I just wait long enough, the clouds will part.

Rome: Both of us woke up that morning and decided that we couldn't do it anymore, and if I hadn't gotten that call from Gary about your father. Not a day goes by where I don't ask myself, "Why Jon and not me?" So I understand if you're asking yourself why Layla and not you. And the truth is, I don't know. Maybe it's that we're lucky, some sort of divine intervention. I don't know what it is, but I do know this: you are loved. And you are so unbelievably strong. Doesn't mean that you're not gonna have bad days. But sometimes, being strong means being able to tell people when you're feeling weak. So if you are ever feeling that way you don't knock on my door. You knock my door down.

Katherine: I think I was seven years old, and I'm obsessed with Goofy. I used to wear those dog-flap ears everywhere.
Alan: Oh, I'm gonna need to see a photo of that.

Gary: Theo, you're up. What song do you want to lose to?
Theo: In our defense, most of these were written, like, 40 years before we were born.
Gary: You're making excuses before we even start, huh?
Theo: I'm just saying you're old.
Gary: Which makes the fact that I'm crushing you that much more pathetic.

Theo: I need you to crush Uncle Gary. He's 10% beard and 90% smack talk.

Tyrell: My headphones died. I know, I know. I should've charged them. Can I borrow yours?
Rome: Just to be clear, those were mine and I gave them to you, then bought another pair which you're now asking to borrow.

Gary: How was the big orgy?
Darcy: It was okay.
Gary: I assume you sanitized. Dr. Fauci's been very specific about how you should handle yourself at sex parties these days.

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Rome: Father's Day was last week. It's not like I was expecting to get a foster dad card or anything. But they do make them. I checked.

Delilah: It was so hard to tell how much you grew on FaceTime. And are those whiskers? Is my baby boy turning into a teenage Tom Selleck?
Danny: Tom who? Oh! No, yeah, uh, Monica's boyfriend on Friends. The old guy.
Delilah: More like Magnum, P.I.
Danny: Is he even still alive?

Maggie: I thought you hated Dr. Pepper.
Gary: What? No, I love the way it tastes. I just take issue with the fact that he's classified as a medical professional.

Maggie: Let's get back to the positives of moving to Lenox.
Gary: It's like living in a James Taylor song.

Rome: You okay?
Gina: Compared to what?
Rome: Remember when we thought that Eve changing her mind was going to be the worst thing that could happen to us this year?

Eddie: I know you don't want me to see Theo unsupervised, but I just want to point out that Delilah trusted me to be alone with Danny and Charlie.
Katherine: That's great. And I just want to point out that Delilah hasn't had to endure what I've had to.

Delilah: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
Gary: Interrupt? D, please. This is your house. While you were gone, I Googled squatters rights. I have a very weak case.

Delilah: Gary, I really messed things up.
Gary: Yeah, you did.
Delilah: I'm sorry, D, but what the hell do you think you're doing?
Delilah: I'm just trying to survive, Gary. You've all had a chance to move on. Do you remember your remission party, how you got so angry you smashed that painting because you were angry at Jon for leaving you after the two of you had made all your plans together? How do you think it is for me? How do you think I feel? He wasn't just my best friend. He was my whole life.
Gary: Yeah. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but towards the end there, when your legs were wrapped around his other best friend, I don't know if he was your whole life.
Delilah: I know I made mistakes, okay? I'm paying for those mistakes. But I did not leave Jon. He left me. And I know that I'm not supposed to say this, that I'm supposed to understand that he was troubled and that he had demons. It does not change the fact that he left me here to clean up his mess all by myself.
Gary: Oh, I know exactly how you feel.
Delilah: No, you don't. I lost my husband! And because of what I did with Eddie and because of the way Jon died, I have not been allowed to grieve. I've been in this house, surrounded by every memory we have and all the promises he made me and I took my dad to France so that he could go to a place that he remembered, and while I was there, for the first time since Jon died, I was finally not living in this sadness.
Gary: Let's be clear. We were the ones stuck in this house. You weren't here to see your son struggling over whether or not to come out at school. My dad, my father, had to give him the "buck up" speech that you should have been here to give him. And while you were eating croissants on top of the Eiffel Tower, your daughter got assaulted by a monster who might not have done what he did if he knew there was someone here protecting her!
Delilah: That is not fair! Even if I'd been here, I don't know that I could have stopped it. You weren't able to stop it. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
Gary: No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you're not happy. But you know what? I'm not sure you're entitled to be.

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