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S07.E12: The Art of Communication


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21 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

Dave is the kind of guy that lives in his own little logical world and doesn't take into account a woman's feelings when he gives his opinion.  He just thinks he's being "objective", but I knew not to say the kinds of things he says to Amber when I was 15!!

The comment above that a husband said is more why he can't sustain a relationship that leads to marriage. 

I'm sure he's brought other girls around his friends and their wives.  I can hear the wives saying to her husband after they get home, "I can't believe he said that to her!!"  

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2 hours ago, crgirl412 said:

The comment above that a husband said is more why he can't sustain a relationship that leads to marriage. 

I'm sure he's brought other girls around his friends and their wives.  I can hear the wives saying to her husband after they get home, "I can't believe he said that to her!!"  

Exactly!

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If  I remember correctly didnt danielle say once that she is usually the one who did everything for her partners in the past?  If I am correct, shouldnt she should realize that by not saying anything nice back she is no better than her previous partners.

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On 9/19/2018 at 10:58 PM, Yeah No said:

I think there's something else going on here.  Danielle saying "she just wants to be really sure she feels it before she says it" is a clue as to what that is.  I think Bobby is in part responsible.  He's smothering her to the point that she's unsure as to whether she really loves HIM or whether she just loves all the stuff he does for her.  A guy can sweep a woman off her feet with all sorts of grand gestures, but it may confuse her as to whether her feelings are for him or just all the grand gestures.  If he [Bobby] could just stop being so insecure and smothering her with all this stuff he does for her, she might be able to take a step back and realize she really does love the bloke.  

Exactly that.

I think Bobby is showing himself to be almost as "needy" as Amber. Obviously, they demonstrate their "neediness" in completely different ways.

Plz don't hate me for saying this --I have no control over human nature. The person who cares the least for the other person in a relationship is the one with the most power and control of that relationship. Amber is feeling insecure, angry, and frustrated, but she doesn't grasp the obvious fact that, even though he has sex with her twice a day, Dave isn't into her. No change that Amber could make to herself would make that 'marriage' work. It's not so bad for Bobby, because Danielle loves being with him and she really wants to fall in love with him --but the root problem is the same. 

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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Those are good points. Plus, Bobby is a few years younger than she is, looks even younger than his age, and is following her around like a lovesick puppy. I've thought since the beginning that Bobby acted like Danielle was his first real girlfriend in life. Some women would be turned off by all of this. Danielle is very self-assured and doesn't actually seem to require all of this constant validation and security. She might have been a better match for Dave. Meanwhile, I think Amber might have thrived in a relationship with someone like Bobby, who would dote on her and make her feel special. 

Just my two cents.

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30 minutes ago, LilaFowler said:

Those are good points. Plus, Bobby is a few years younger than she is, looks even younger than his age, and is following her around like a lovesick puppy. I've thought since the beginning that Bobby acted like Danielle was his first real girlfriend in life. Some women would be turned off by all of this. Danielle is very self-assured and doesn't actually seem to require all of this constant validation and security. She might have been a better match for Dave. Meanwhile, I think Amber might have thrived in a relationship with someone like Bobby, who would dote on her and make her feel special. 

Just my two cents.

Forgetting the fact that Amber would have Bobby hiding under the bed with her “baby, NOWWWWW”, I think she might turn Bobby inside out. I am willing to bet that Amber is more, um, experienced and adventurous than Bobby. All she would have to do is throw that ass in a circle and Bobby would have passed out dead. Too much to handle.

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8 minutes ago, scruffy73 said:

Forgetting the fact that Amber would have Bobby hiding under the bed with her “baby, NOWWWWW”, I think she might turn Bobby inside out. I am willing to bet that Amber is more, um, experienced and adventurous than Bobby. All she would have to do is throw that ass in a circle and Bobby would have passed out dead. Too much to handle.

Yeah. That's why I said someone like Bobby, not actually Bobby.

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1 hour ago, LilaFowler said:

I've thought since the beginning that Bobby acted like Danielle was his first real girlfriend in life. 

Bobby does seem rather naive when it comes to relationships. And it doesn't help that he looks so very young! 

1 hour ago, LilaFowler said:

She [Danielle] might have been a better match for Dave.

Perhaps (although I do like Danielle...)  She, at least, wouldn't fall apart every time Dave said something that could be taken negatively.

1 hour ago, LilaFowler said:

Meanwhile, I think Amber might have thrived in a relationship with someone like Bobby, who would dote on her and make her feel special. 

Bobby is too young for her, obviously, but Amber might do very well with someone who's happy doing things to make her happy. Bobby wants his wife to be a stay-at-home mom, though, and I think staying at home with kids would be a bad idea for Amber.

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15 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

I think HAVING kids would be a bad idea for Amber......

I'm not sure I'd go quite that far. My impression is that Amber has a good heart, overall, but she's definitely got emotional issues. If the child's father is loving, clear-headed and nurturing --and Amber is at work most of the day-- she might be a pretty good mother between the time she gets home and the time they go to bed.

A good live-in nanny would be huge 'plus'.

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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4 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I'm not sure I'd go quite that far. My impression is that Amber has a good heart, overall, but she's definitely got emotional issues. If the child's father is loving, clear-headed and nurturing --and Amber is at work most of the day-- she might be a pretty good mother between the time she gets home and the time they go to bed.

A good live-in nanny would be huge 'plus'.

I agree she can do it, I’m just not sure she comprehends how much work kids are, even past the age of five. I honestly don’t understand her obsession with having a kid, she likes to spend a lot of time and money on her appearance - something that would definitely be negatively affected by having a kid. She also seems ambivalent about babies and young children. What is it exactly she is looking for by having a kid I don’t know - maybe she envisions having a little mini me that she can treat like a doll?  Or unconditional love that she can’t find in a man? I don’t know, but a woman who throws a tantrum over missing socks and cries because she can’t mince garlic seems ill prepared for what comes with kids.

I do feel that while nothing can really prepare you for becoming a parent for the first time (myself included!), she is really emotionally fragile and needs help for herself before bringing another human being into this world.

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13 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I agree she [Amber] can do it [be a mother], I’m just not sure she comprehends how much work kids are, even past the age of five.

 [Crazy Bird Lady: I think that remark about age 5 was a poor attempt at a joke and/or Amber trying to deflect the conversation from what Dave was saying.]

I honestly don’t understand her obsession with having a kid, she likes to spend a lot of time and money on her appearance - something that would definitely be negatively affected by having a kid. She also seems ambivalent about babies and young children. What is it exactly she is looking for by having a kid I don’t know - maybe she envisions having a little mini me that she can treat like a doll?  Or unconditional love that she can’t find in a man? I don’t know, but a woman who throws a tantrum over missing socks and cries because she can’t mince garlic seems ill prepared for what comes with kids.

Like many other people, Amber probably thinks babies are an adorable source of unconditional love (which she desperately wants) --and she can finally afford to raise a child .

I'm not on the team that thinks Dave is guiltless in all this. But he and Amber didn't choose each other, the show's "experts" did --and I blame them. The disastrous dynamic between the two of them has been picked apart enough that I won't get into it, other than to say I think this experience will undoubtedly result in it being even more difficult for Amber to trust another man and feel comfortable with him --much less raise children.

Quote

I do feel that while nothing can really prepare you for becoming a parent for the first time (myself included!), she [Amber] is really emotionally fragile and needs help for herself before bringing another human being into this world.

I know. I raised 4 kids myself (none of whom are in prison or addicted to drugs). It's 24/7, and it takes a lot longer than 18 years!

Before Amber gets married again or has a child, she needs to spend a year or two seeing a good psych, one who's actually focused on Amber's needs, and then she could re-enter the dating pool and start the process all over again. Because, frankly, Amber is going to need much more psych help after Decision Day, than she did before this whole thing started.

(Fortunately, she seems to have a well-paying job, so she may be able to afford all that. If her "eggs have all dried up" Amber might be able to afford in vitro or possibly could adopt a young child, once she finds a partner who actually loves her.  And if the dad pulls in good money too --maybe that live-in nanny would actually be possible lol!)

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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28 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

Like many other people, Amber probably thinks babies are an adorable source of unconditional love (which she desperately wants) --and she can finally afford a child .

Kids might be programmed to love you no matter what, but they definitely test whether you can love them unconditionally. I say this as the mother of a 13 yo girl who is definitely not my mini me in any way. I only hope that when/if Amber has kids she is in a better state emotionally because kids will test your sanity like nothing else.

 

31 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I think this experience will undoubtedly result in it being even more difficult for Amber to trust another man and feel comfortable with him --much less raise children.

Sadly, I think you are right. I am not one who blames Dave for Amber's emotional state, but what were the experts thinking in picking her in the first place? Shame on them for being so irresponsible! When are they going to learn that emotionally fragile and/or emotionally closed off people do not work well in the circumstances that this show places them?!?

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1 hour ago, Ilovepie said:

Kids might be programmed to love you no matter what, but they definitely test whether you can love them unconditionally. I say this as the mother of a 13 yo girl who is definitely not my mini me in any way. I only hope that when/if Amber has kids she is in a better state emotionally because kids will test your sanity like nothing else.
Sadly, I think you are right. I am not one who blames Dave for Amber's emotional state, but what were the experts thinking in picking her in the first place? Shame on them for being so irresponsible! When are they going to learn that emotionally fragile and/or emotionally closed off people do not work well in the circumstances that this show places them?!?

ROFL!! Very well said --kids definitely test whether you can love them unconditionally!

My adult kids certainly aren't perfect, and they absolutely aren't mini-me's! I did my best to guide them to find out who they are and then become the best version of themselves that they can be.

As some people say, "It's the toughest job in the world."

Edited by Crazy Bird Lady
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On 9/23/2018 at 7:39 AM, Yeah No said:

AMEN!!

I'm no fan of Dave's.  His act is smooth and confident, but I see deeper than that.  He acts effete and above it all, and personally I don't find him that attractive.  If anyone deserves the label "Dallas douche", it's him!

My 62 year old husband thinks Dave relates to Amber like she was another guy, not like a woman.  He seems to be able to relate to his bros just fine, hence the wall of male buddies in his hallway plus the way he relates to Bobby.  He treats Bobby with more warmth than Amber!

This also from my husband: 

 

On 9/23/2018 at 4:33 PM, stuckin60s said:

If  I remember correctly didnt danielle say once that she is usually the one who did everything for her partners in the past?  If I am correct, shouldnt she should realize that by not saying anything nice back she is no better than her previous partners.

 

On 9/23/2018 at 4:56 PM, Crazy Bird Lady said:

Exactly that.

I think Bobby is showing himself to be almost as "needy" as Amber. Obviously, they demonstrate their "neediness" in completely different ways.

Plz don't hate me for saying this --I have no control over human nature. The person who cares the least for the other person in a relationship is the one with the most power and control of that relationship. Amber is feeling insecure, angry, and frustrated, but she doesn't grasp the obvious fact that, even though he has sex with her twice a day, Dave isn't into her. No change that Amber could make to herself would make that 'marriage' work. It's not so bad for Bobby, because Danielle loves being with him and she really wants to fall in love with him --but the root problem is the same. 

I have said the exact same thing many times on various threads about the show...obviously, great minds think alike (kidding). Dave is everything Danielle wants on paper and she is desperate for his love and approval. It is as if this show matched you up with your ideal physically and financially, but that person is not really into you and keeps an emotional distance. It is kind of heartbreaking because the person is everything you want and Amber is stupidly trying to "fix herself" when this is only making it worse. 

On 9/23/2018 at 5:20 PM, LilaFowler said:

Those are good points. Plus, Bobby is a few years younger than she is, looks even younger than his age, and is following her around like a lovesick puppy. I've thought since the beginning that Bobby acted like Danielle was his first real girlfriend in life. Some women would be turned off by all of this. Danielle is very self-assured and doesn't actually seem to require all of this constant validation and security. She might have been a better match for Dave. Meanwhile, I think Amber might have thrived in a relationship with someone like Bobby, who would dote on her and make her feel special. 

Just my two cents.

The puppy dog adoration thing might be making Danielle a little uncomfortable. I also have a feeling that she is not thrilled with her future in-laws. I guess she did not realize that wanting a "down home southern boy" would probably come with a close-knit traditional family. When I was younger, I actually had some younger guys who were attracted to me. I was wary of them because I liked older more mature men (at least a couple of years old than me, not creepy older, or at least the same age). Bobby is not all that younger than Danielle but he seems much younger. He has great life skills and seems independent but the lovesick puppy dog thing might be turning her off.

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On 9/23/2018 at 3:19 AM, Marsh said:

I don't see the fascination with Dave and why everyone is changing their minds about him.

 

Pros (I'm guessing):

-tall

-in shape

-financially stable

 

Cons:

-boring

-cold

-can't even build furniture.

-doesn't have a good sense of humor

-no emotions

 

Yep.  I'm not on Team Amber anymore either btw.  Just think Dave's being placed too high on a pedestal.  Can I get an Amen.

 

 Add bad teeth to the cons list, please.

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Observations so far.  They don't have to be model good looking, but I wish they would cast at least all 7's, male and female.  Mia is a 5 at best.  Miami is a city full of beautiful people and they cast Lillian and Sonia, really, two more 5's on their best day, that was the best you can do in Miami????  In Boston you cast Ryan for Jaclyn, hello MISMATCH!!!  She wouldn't give him the time of day in real life.  Tristan is a total cornball, dork, also why did he sign up for Married at First Sight Dallas if he wants to move to Houston?  Dave has terrible teeth and zero personality, why was he cast?

Edited by High Pitch Erik 12
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8 hours ago, High Pitch Erik 12 said:

Observations so far.  They don't have to be model good looking, but I wish they would cast at least all 7's, male and female.  Mia is a 5 at best.  Miami is a city full of beautiful people and they cast Lillian and Sonia, really, two more 5's on their best day, that was the best you can do in Miami????  In Boston you cast Ryan for Jaclyn, hello MISMATCH!!!  She wouldn't give him the time of day in real life.  Tristan is a total cornball, dork, also why did he sign up for Married at First Sight Dallas if he wants to move to Houston?  Dave has terrible teeth and zero personality, why was he cast?

 

They cast the best looking people they can find that will agree to the stupid premise of a third-rate reality show. Not to be shallow but I am going to guess a Miami 7 (a city filled with beautiful people) is not that desperate to do this show.  I thought Boston Jaclyn was a sweetheart and was totally out of Ryan's league due to her maturity and intelligence. I actually thought they were evenly matched in the looks department, though Ryan is the type that gets worse looking the more you get to know him. 

I think the best looking woman on all seasons of this show was Jamie Otis. I was so shocked that she was matched up with somewhat homely Doug (the girl was in literal tears upon seeing him) and now I wonder how he stands her famewhore ways....though she is the one who seems to be paying most of the bills. I also thought Vanessa from Atlanta was stunning but she was paired with a total phony. 

Edited by qtpye
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34 minutes ago, qtpye said:

They cast the best looking people they can find that will agree to the stupid premise of a third-rate reality show. 

I'm not sure their casting process is quite that simple. They also have to figure out which matches will create the most drama for TV...

34 minutes ago, qtpye said:

I think the best looking woman on all seasons of this show was Jamie Otis. I was so shocked that she was matched up with somewhat homely Doug (the girl was in literal tears upon seeing him) and now I wonder how he stands her fame whore ways....though she is the one who seems to be paying most of the bills. 

Jamie Otis? To each their own. I think Jamie is a 7, at best.

Shawniece was much more attractive.

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On 9/24/2018 at 12:52 AM, Ilovepie said:

I agree she can do it, I’m just not sure she comprehends how much work kids are, even past the age of five. I honestly don’t understand her obsession with having a kid, she likes to spend a lot of time and money on her appearance - something that would definitely be negatively affected by having a kid. She also seems ambivalent about babies and young children. What is it exactly she is looking for by having a kid I don’t know - maybe she envisions having a little mini me that she can treat like a doll?  Or unconditional love that she can’t find in a man? I don’t know, but a woman who throws a tantrum over missing socks and cries because she can’t mince garlic seems ill prepared for what comes with kids.

I do feel that while nothing can really prepare you for becoming a parent for the first time (myself included!), she is really emotionally fragile and needs help for herself before bringing another human being into this world.

I wish I could Like this 1,000 times!

On 9/22/2018 at 9:21 AM, Waterlilly said:

I think Bobby’s mother will always have too much to say, no doubt Danielle can handle it though. I think Danielle is direct, she will express her feelings to Bobby when she is ready, not when the show tries to force her. 

I don't have an issue with Danielle not saying "I love you" to Bobby...in fact, if anything, I think he has said it too soon to genuinely be in love with her, not just in love with the situation, or speaking from infatuation and happiness.  But I do have an issue with Danielle remaining silent after he makes his proclamations, and not being able to come up with any verbal feeling for him (and we know that wasn't just editing, because it's what Dr. Blonde was showing on videotape and discussing).  She doesn't have to reciprocate his exact feelings, but she can at least say something to him that conveys her own level of affection or appreciation for him.

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50 minutes ago, LuvMyShows said:

but she can at least say something to him that conveys her own level of affection or appreciation for him.

Yes to this! It was so awkward when he said I'll miss you, and she said I'll miss you making me coffee. Ack! How hard would it have been to just say "you too", even if the reason you are missing him is because he makes you coffee?!? I mean, she had no problem saying she would miss Henry! I really hope there is more affection between them than we are being shown because poor Bobby deserves it.

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18 hours ago, High Pitch Erik 12 said:

Observations so far.  They don't have to be model good looking, but I wish they would cast at least all 7's, male and female.  Mia is a 5 at best.  Miami is a city full of beautiful people and they cast Lillian and Sonia, really, two more 5's on their best day, that was the best you can do in Miami????  In Boston you cast Ryan for Jaclyn, hello MISMATCH!!!  She wouldn't give him the time of day in real life.  Tristan is a total cornball, dork, also why did he sign up for Married at First Sight Dallas if he wants to move to Houston?  Dave has terrible teeth and zero personality, why was he cast?

 Homely people need love, too.

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I wish someone would please tie up Mia’s hands.  They are always on her face, in her eyes, on her cheeks, wiping off tears.  Enough.    I just can’t take those two anymore, especially on that bed.

Edited by Gem 10
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Everyone has different taste, so i’ll Throw mine in. I think the pretty people were on the season that we shall not mention. Lol!

i am watching this episode again right now. Ummm, Mia is such a con. Really, my children should be in serious therapy because I am the master of the death stare. Then there is the “don’t make me pull this car over”.  Oh I am so ashamed of ruining their ability to ever communicate or have a relationship. Snark...

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4 minutes ago, Waterlilly said:

Everyone has different taste, so i’ll Throw mine in. I think the pretty people were on the season that we shall not mention. Lol!

i am watching this episode again right now. Ummm, Mia is such a con. Really, my children should be in serious therapy because I am the master of the death stare. Then there is the “don’t make me pull this car over”.  Oh I am so ashamed of ruining their ability to ever communicate or have a relationship. Snark...

Me too, and my parents were worse.  Watching again also.  Amber with the hair again.  Don’t even know why I watch this shit.   I loved the first episode in New York with Basement Ryan and the episode with Molly and John.  Then it went downhill.

Edited by Gem 10
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5 minutes ago, Gem 10 said:

I wish someone would please tie up Mia’s hands.  They are always on her face, in her eyes, on her cheeks, wiping off tears.  Enough.    I just can’t take those two anymore, especially on that bed.

Well,  she’s always in a blanket so maybe if she wears one to the reunion, we can bribe one of the production people to run over and swaddle her.

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17 minutes ago, PityFree said:

Well,  she’s always in a blanket so maybe if she wears one to the reunion, we can bribe one of the production people to run over and swaddle her.

Maybe a straight jacket that will take care of everything all around.

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1 minute ago, PityFree said:

Wow—Bobby  just said Danielle makes more money than he does. I guess since he has his own house and he just seems so responsible I assumed he made more money. I guess he just manages his money very well.

And, Jamie just admitted she HAS to work.  That must make her husband feel real good.

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23 hours ago, PityFree said:

Wow—Bobby  just said Danielle makes more money than he does. I guess since he has his own house and he just seems so responsible I assumed he made more money. I guess he just manages his money very well.

Dallas has a very low cost of living compared to many other cities they have filmed this show in. I had friends who live there that actually bought housed because mortgages would be cheaper than rent and it just made financial sense. That being said, Bobby is really coming off as a prince in this show particularly for being so young. I think the Danielle drama is producer manipulation in an otherwise drama-free relationship.

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On 9/25/2018 at 8:54 PM, PityFree said:

Wow—Bobby  just said Danielle makes more money than he does. I guess since he has his own house and he just seems so responsible I assumed he made more money. I guess he just manages his money very well.

This doesn't surprise me at all. She probably gets commission plus she commutes to the city. 

Of course, salary is only part of the equation. There's money management and work-related expenses, growth opportunities, 401k match, commission, etc. Does anyone know where Bobby works? I know he's a project manager but where? Just curious. 

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