S05.E08: Week 5: Part 1

[OnceSane]

Quote

A seemingly stable couple splits up; two new women go on a double date with previously spoken-for guys; a last-minute arrival from New Zealand shakes up the group.

Airs September 3, 2018.

[leighdear]

Prepare for 3 hours of circular logic, Colton auditioning, Tia flapping on about nothing,  Annaliese planning her wedding, Jordan speaking whatever language that is, John sticking his tongue down whatever woman's throat he's missed thus far, and then....Ashley & Jared....*sigh* 

Praise be for the mute button on my remote, several new magazines and a nice Chardonnay. I'll most likely survive.  

[Armchair Critic]

Of course Tia and Colton will break up... so he can be the next Bachelor. ugh.

[CindyBee]

I'm here for the man tears and Jordan's narration.

Hahahah, Colton eating while Tia is blabbing away about Angela getting dumped

[leighdear]

Wasn't Cassandra the one that got dumped from Juan Pablo's season on her 21st birthday?  I know she has a baby by an NBA player, as she was one of their cheerleaders.  Don't remember who or what team though.  She's still stunningly pretty.  

If I NEVER hear the phrase "All In" again, I will be happy.  It's like the phrase "In my head".  

I don't think it actually means what they think it means.  

[Armchair Critic]

I think Angela is prettier but I think it's more about him just wanting to get some from somebody new

[CindyBee]

2 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Wasn't Cassandra the one that got dumped from Juan Pablo's season on her 21st birthday?  I know she has a baby by an NBA player, as she was one of their cheerleaders.  Don't remember who or what team though.  She's still stunningly pretty.  

Thanks to google, Cassandra's baby daddy is Rodney Stuckey who was playing for the Detorit Pistons while she was a cheerleader and got her pregnant

[TiredMe]

CindyBee you didn’t have to wait too long for the man tears. Lol

[leighdear]

Colton is going to lose his hair pretty early.  That hairline is a dead giveaway.  

[CindyBee]

1 minute ago, TiredMe said:

CindyBee you didn’t have to wait too long for the man tears. Lol

I know, he's a freakin mess.  1% of me actually felt sorry for him but then I remind myself that no one is putting a gun to his head to be involved with this franchise.

[adhoc]

I feel like Colton's reading from a script, TBH.

[Armchair Critic]

3 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Colton is going to lose his hair pretty early.  That hairline is a dead giveaway.

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode that Elaine's boyfriend wants to lock her down before he loses his hair. Colton has a large head too.

[ECM1231]

Colton would be the sobbiest Bachelor ever!  Get a grip, man!

[Caseysgirl]

“ Can we go talk” never a good sign.

[Ohwell]

Tia to Colton:  Whar ya biiin?

[CindyBee]

Damn, that was cold of him.   'gave it his all'.  What the hell!?!  Just tell her you want to be the Bachelor

[leighdear]

Jeez, their acting is SO bad.  

[Ohwell]

That's right.  A good ole ugly cry.

[leighdear]

She's in on it.  No way a normal woman would say that crap.  They promised her something to give up so easily and make him sound like the rational, sensitive and nice guy. 

Idiots. 

[CindyBee]

Carly just tweeted out she got dumped on that day bed twice.  I know Kirk was one of the guys, does anyone remember the second?

And yes the acting is terrible!

[leighdear]

He's also going to pack on the flab the second he stops working out.  NOT body shaming him, but you can tell by his body type and his arm muscles.  

Buh Bye Felicia!

[dizzyd]

You just know they're going to replay this whole breakup at the beginning of TB. Tia will be mentioned much more than Becca if he even remembers her.

[Caseysgirl]

Colton must have known he wasn’t giving it much time; his backpack looked nearly empty.

[b2H]

If it means I never have to see or hear either of them again, I wish them each a happy life.

Far away from me.

[CindyBee]

Wait the break up only took up 25 minutes of the 3 hours.   

Now we might actually see other people now that Colton has finally left the beach

Edited September 4, 2018 by CindyBee

[saber5055]

9 minutes ago, adhoc said:

I feel like Colton's reading from a script, TBH.

That's because he is.

6 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

Damn, that was cold of him.   'gave it his all'.  What the hell!?!  Just tell her you want to be the Bachelor

Wouldn't that be refreshing? I could get behind that, someone actually saying something honest and real.

[leighdear]

Carly was on #2 with Kirk then #3 with Evan.  I don't remember any guys going near her until Kirk lost his marbles & hooked up with her.  

[JenE4]

Eric on Angela to Cassandra, “That’s neither here nor there. You’re here.” Daaaaaaaaamn!! I guess we know Eric’s not one of these mice going in search of the cheese!

 

Colton on Tia to Kevin, “My heart’s not in it with Tia.” Oooooooooh! Oh, no, and he even stayed in football for his family. Colton sure seems like he has a LOT of repression. He doesn’t know who he is—or if he does, he feels like he can’t be true to himself. I feel very sad for him, and I think the WORST thing for him is if the show talks him into being The Bachelor. 

 

I’m Here for the Wrong Reasons. I LOVED seeing Tia all smug saying how she feels sorry for the other couples with us KNOWING that Colton was going to dump her. Go home! Go home! Hoping that Colton hides behind a palm tree, waiting for Tia to leave and then pops back out to meet some new ladies once she’s gone.

[saber5055]

Never mind!

Edited September 4, 2018 by saber5055

[leighdear]

And yeah, Colton gave it all for approximately 36 hours, then just couldn't sacrifice any more. Poor kid. 

[ECM1231]

Is there any chance that Colton won't be TB? ? I will not be a happy camper if he is, but will somehow muddle through, much like I did for white bread Sean. At least I'll have all of you here and the snark.

[CindyBee]

3 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

Is there any chance that Colton won't be TB? ? I will not be a happy camper if he is, but will somehow muddle through, much like I did for white bread Sean. At least I'll have all of you here and the snark.

he's on a plane to NYC right now.  So unless the plane is turned around, its looking like he's the next Bachelor.  Its been obvious for awhile where his storyline was going

Edited September 4, 2018 by CindyBee

[Real4real]

HATE the idea of Colton being the Bachelor.  I feel sorry for the women who would be on his season—he doesn’t want a relationship, he just wants more air time.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Real4real

[marynotjane]

Who's the guy with the tiny mouth that always has a distressed look on his face?

[JenE4]

Chelsea: “Paradise has been shooketh.”

1 minute ago, marynotjane said:

Who's the guy with the tiny mouth that always has a distressed look on his face?

Kevin? Fluffy mulletish hair?

[Ms Blue Jay]

Jenna freaking out about BIP/Jordan is just code for her freaking out because she doesn't like Jordan even 1% as much as he likes her.  This is so fucking fake!

[dizzyd]

That Jordan john segment was highlarious!?

[Ohwell]

8 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Chelsea: “Paradise has been shooketh.”

I truly hope she was joking, but I'm dearly afraid that she was not.

[CindyBee]

1 minute ago, dizzyd said:

That Jordan john segment was highlarious!?

Yes it was nice to see the producers hadn't forgotten their sense of humor admid all the stupid Colton drama by putting that clip in the show.   And lucky John to have gotten to have napped through the whole break up

[escatefromny]

Tia is a nag and a shrew. Her past dating history makes sense now.  We’ve seen so many scene of her endless outraged prattling about other people.  She would drive anyone nuts.  Hope this is the last we see or hear from her.  I love that the editors hate her.

[leighdear]

Kevin has a gigantic mouth.  And he has those puffy lips that always look dry & cracked to me.  NOT attractive.  

Jordan gets MVP of Paradise for me.  Even if it all goes to hell right now, he's been the best Greek Chorus, voice of wrong reason, Mr. Malapropism and the only one that can get away with gold lame' booty shorts.  

[ECM1231]

7 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

he's on a plane to NYC right now.  So unless the plane is turned around, its looking like he's the next Bachelor.  Its been obvious for awhile where his storyline was going

? big yuck! What about Jason? He was looking like he had it n the bag at MTA. Besides the tears and indecision, Colton is not physically appealing to me. Dammit Fleiss and company!

[marynotjane]

Oh right, Kevin. To me his mouth is way to small for his face. He never looks happy. 

[leighdear]

Cassandra reminds me of the actress Morena Baccarin.  But Angela is also very pretty.  Her hair still looks good, so she's either got great products or top-quality extensions. 

[Armchair Critic]

10 minutes ago, marynotjane said:

Who's the guy with the tiny mouth that always has a distressed look on his face?

I don't know but that one guy Kamil (?) I don't think has even gotten any screen time except in group shots

[Ms Blue Jay]

Is Eric completely gaslighting Angela, or is this really how he feels?!?!  Is Eric being exactly like Jenna?  Freaking out and pretending it's the other person's fault, who's always been totally committed from MINUTE 1?

[Armchair Critic]

5 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

? big yuck! What about Jason? He was looking like he had it n the bag at MTA. Besides the tears and indecision, Colton is not physically appealing to me. Dammit Fleiss and company!

I made it through Farmer Chris so I will probably be a glutton for punishment and watch Colton but there were a few others I would have chosen before him.

Eric just wants some booty, but won't admit that.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Armchair Critic

[Ms Blue Jay]

12 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Cassandra reminds me of the actress Morena Baccarin.  But Angela is also very pretty.  Her hair still looks good, so she's either got great products or top-quality extensions. 

I don't know if Angela's had work done, but she looks so naturally pretty on the island.

[leighdear]

Oooh, he's good at putting words in her mouth!  He's gas-lighting her!  Yay, we haven't had one of those yet tonight!

[dizzyd]

I used to like Eric. Now he can take the ? and stick it up his ass!

Edited September 4, 2018 by dizzyd