S07.E08: Back To Reality

[humbleopinion]

Damn...Amber could have gotten an 8 if she hadn’t forgotten to do Dave’s stinkin’ pile of laundry.

So close....

[Treehugger9]

Weighing in on the whole dating app thing, I'm a single 37 year old who has been on all of them. Back in the day, match.com and eharmony sent an astounding amount of emails. Current dating apps send zero. My last boyfriend and I met on an app and deleted it from our phones after meeting. About six months later a friend was asking about how we met and expressed interest in the app, so my then boyfriend re downloaded his. Low and behold, both of our profiles were listed as active despite the fact that we had deleted them and had not been on there in six months. We figured out we had to manually deactivate them, which neither of us had realized. Now, that being said, neither of us got arrested for stalking and then claimed it was mistaken identity, so there's that. Mia is definitely shady and I wouldn't put it past her to be on a dating app looking for her next victim, but it is possible for a young, tech savvy person to not realize that simply deleting the app won't cut it. 

Edited August 22, 2018 by Treehugger9

[ChiMama]

4 hours ago, Waterlilly said:

I wondered about the different headboard/no headboard on their bed?????

And in one segment it looked like Tristan was laying on the bed with no sheets/comforter, etc. -- just the mattress pad and pillow covers . . .

[ChiMama]

3 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

I have more important stuff to do with my life than come home pissed off because my partner doesn't hold up their end of the deal, it would infuriate me. 

Exactly this. Dave is getting a lot of grief for bringing this up, but it sounded like she had agreed to do dishes and laundry and Dave would handle cooking & trash. But a few weeks had gone by and she had never handled the laundry and he mentioned he'd had to do dishes in the a.m. from dinner the night before on more than one occasion. And, obviously, he hadn't yet even brought it up to her -- just 'enabled' her and did the tasks she had agreed to do (and was building up some warranted resentment). It only came up when she was on her whole "what am I not doing to be a 10" poor-me fest. I think he's already checked out (for other fairly obvious reasons) and was just going along to get along and do what she had agreed to with no comment and ride it out until the end of the experiment. IMO Amber shouldn't get a pass from everyone for agreeing to something, not doing it, and then getting all 'hurt' when she was called on it. Nuh uh.

Edited August 22, 2018 by ChiMama

[Ilovepie]

2 hours ago, ChiMama said:

Amber IS exhausting. Dave is getting a hard time for 'picking' at her? C'mon -- she whines and finds something to feel bad about with EVERYTHING. I think she's one of those people who aren't happy UNLESS they have some drama in their lives. "I always want A's, not C's." Wah. Then do your 'homework,' Princess! She comes off as selfish & entitled . . . I don't like her.

Dave is definitely getting a hard time - I've seen the words toxic and jerk, and frankly, I just don't see it. That is what I find so fascinating about this forum - we are all watching the same thing and the way people interpret things differently amazes me. The way I see it, Amber has asked him questions and he has answered honestly. He didn't sugar coat or coddle her (that just doesn't seem to be who he is), but that shouldn't be necessary. She is not a child - she is a grown woman who is almost 40! The Jessica Biel and 7.5 rating questions were such non-issues that she made huge deals out of. He seems more baffled by her reactions ("you're mad at half a point?!?") and inability to let it go despite his and other people's reassurances. I don't think he has some grand scheme to alienate her on purpose; she seems to be doing that all on her own. I don't blame him if he's getting frustrated, I just think they are completely mismatched, and she is too immature for marriage and too selfish for a baby.

I also don't think he was being mean to call her on the laundry when she said ON CAMERA that she would do it. He wasn't angry or rude about it, but her response was very juvenile. Instead of owning it she basically said she didn't want to be married?!? She seems to be all take and no give and I just can't see why that is his fault.

[ChristmasJones]

The biggest missing ingredient in our ability to accurately analyze Dave and Jessica, IMO, is that we don't know much about either of their backgrounds.  We don't know how Dave acted in past relationships. We don't know if Jessica is pervasively insecure when she is in a relationship.  IMO, this information would greatly affect how I assess their current struggles. 

But we're watching a crappy, poorly edited reality show... not a documentary.  So we'll never know.

[Ilovepie]

5 hours ago, cardigirl said:

I thought she looked great.  Loved the shoes. 

Maybe my wording was harsh. I don't think that outfit was appropriate for someone who is there in a professional capacity. And it was more that stylistically, the dress and shoes were completely mismatched. I honestly think it would look better if Jessica and Jamie switched shoes. The funky purple sandals would go better with Jamie's more casual romper, and the stiletto pumps would look better with the leather dress.......

[ChiMama]

19 minutes ago, ChristmasJones said:

The biggest missing ingredient in our ability to accurately analyze Dave and Jessica, IMO, is that we don't know much about either of their backgrounds.  We don't know how Dave acted in past relationships. We don't know if Jessica is pervasively insecure when she is in a relationship.  IMO, this information would greatly affect how I assess their current struggles. 

But we're watching a crappy, poorly edited reality show... not a documentary.  So we'll never know.

This and I think we all bring our own emotions and experiences to the interpretation of these situations. Might be some touchy subjects for some of us at play -- if I see the 'silent treatment' in action, etc. I'm going to feel a certain kind of way, for example, based on my distaste and negative experience with that tactic in my past. I appreciate the way Dave handles conflict; not so much Amber.

Edited August 22, 2018 by ChiMama

[humbleopinion]

I am skeeved out that Tristan doesn’t have a fitted sheet on his mattress cover.

No headboard is in Tristan’s high rise.

Headboard is at his mother’s place in Houston.

 

Danielle may have 15K in credit card debt but she didn’t skimp on nice bed linens.

Her headboard and bedroom furniture were camera ready to be filmed for a basic cable TV show.

Bobby’s bachelor bedroom before was not as welcoming as her bed dressed with nice linens.

Edited August 22, 2018 by humbleopinion

[Marsh]

19 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

 She is not a child - she is a grown woman who is almost 40! The Jessica Biel and 7.5 rating questions were such non-issues that she made huge deals out of. He seems more baffled by her reactions ("you're mad at half a point?!?") and inability to let it go despite his and other people's reassurances.

Regardless of her age, Amber has low self-esteem.  Maybe something happened to her when she was younger that makes her feel worthless, who knows. We picked that up just from watching TV.  Dave has to see that, I mean he lives with her.  Sure she's not perfect and forgot the laundry but there is a BIG difference between being a 7.5 and an 8 on a rating scale (when it's your partner rating you). The half point may not be a big deal to everyone but it crushed her.

 

Speaking from a guy's point of view, this was a must-lie situation. Rate her higher to make her feel good about herself but still have open discussions about the laundry and other issues.

[islandgal140]

Any "counseling professional" who suggests spouses rate each on a points scale should have any degree, license or accreditation they hold summarily revoked without the opportunity for an appeal. Marriage isn't a yelp review or a product on Amazon. This was all to create fodder for reality tv and it was gross and unprofessional even by this show's standards. 

Edited August 22, 2018 by islandgal140

[gonecrackers]

1 minute ago, islandgal140 said:

Any "counseling professional" who suggests spouses rate each on a points scale should have any degree, license or accreditation they hold summarily revoked without the opportunity for an appeal. Marriage isn't a yelp review or a product on Amazon. This was all to create fodder for reality tv and it was gross and unprofessional. 

Typical unprofessional shit for these TV personalities 'experts' who only exist on this show to create drama. 

[glitterpussy]

16 hours ago, shouldbedancing said:

The "experts" are such gaslighters. Love is not a feeling, it's an intellectual choice you make. 

So true. My husband turned to me when Pastor Cal said that and was all. "Is...is that TRUE??" LMAO. No babe, he's freaking manipulating them into staying married.

All the experts disgust me, because they are out there in the guise of "helping" when they're really just driving the show and in many cases, actively harming the participants. Telling Tristan to wipe the slate clean and unconditionally trust that psychopath Mia...NO YOU DON"T TELL PEOPLE THAT. They KNOW she's goddamn lying 24/7! Of course Tristan is a big dumdum but still, it ain't right.

[LuvMyShows]

29 minutes ago, islandgal140 said:

Any "counseling professional" who suggests spouses rate each on a points scale should have any degree, license or accreditation they hold summarily revoked without the opportunity for an appeal. Marriage isn't a yelp review or a product on Amazon. This was all to create fodder for reality tv and it was gross and unprofessional even by this show's standards. 

But here's what's extra shady.  If you closely/carefully watch the scene where Amber asks Dave about the guys' meeting with Pastor Cal, the way Amber asks Dave the question is very stilted.  She haltingly asks if there were any exercises, which is not something that would have been expected from a get-together.  So I think it was a producer plant question, which makes it just that much worse/calculated. 

16 hours ago, shouldbedancing said:

The "experts" are such gaslighters. Love is not a feeling, it's an intellectual choice you make. Don't take your ring off, you're committing emotional blackmail. They don't listen to people's concerns and feelings. They just tell them they're wrong and they should shut up and stay married.

I seriously don't see how they sleep at night.  Back when Cilona and perv-woman (blanking out on her name) were on, I just remember them being buffoons but not actively detrimental to people's mental health like they are now.  But maybe I need to take that back, if that's the jackwagons that sold-out Jessica to Rage Ryan.

[Empress1]

1 hour ago, ChiMama said:

Exactly this. Dave is getting a lot of grief for bringing this up, but it sounded like she had agreed to do dishes and laundry and Dave would handle cooking & trash. But a few weeks had gone by and she had never handled the laundry and he mentioned he'd had to do dishes in the a.m. from dinner the night before on more than one occasion. And, obviously, he hadn't yet even brought it up to her -- just 'enabled' her and did the tasks she had agreed to do (and was building up some warranted resentment). It only came up when she was on her whole "what am I not doing to be a 10" poor-me fest. I think he's already checked out (for other fairly obvious reasons) and was just going along to get along and do what she had agreed to with no comment and ride it out until the end of the experiment. IMO Amber shouldn't get a pass from everyone for agreeing to something, not doing it, and then getting all 'hurt' when she was called on it. Nuh uh.

I agree. I think it's a pretty big deal that Dave is apparently doing all the housework despite Amber expressly agreeing to do certain things. If she agreed to do the laundry, she needs to do the laundry. If she agreed to do the dishes, she needs to do the dishes (and IMO that SHOULD be the arrangement since Dave is doing all the cooking). If she can't or won't do housework, they need to revisit the distribution of labor, or outsource it. She shouldn't get to just not do it. I'd say the same if it was she doing all the work and Dave wasn't keeping up his end of the bargain.  

And as my grandfather used to say, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. Amber asked about the rating, he told her, she got all upset and asked what she had to do to be a 10, Dave was basically like "Do the housework you agreed to do," and she got all huffy. That's not the answer she wanted - I don't know WHAT answer she wanted, since she apparently wants to be a 10 without doing her share of chores - but to Dave, it's the right answer. If he thought she was a 10 as-is, he'd have said so. She can't have it both ways.

[bichonblitz]

2 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Dave is definitely getting a hard time - I've seen the words toxic and jerk, and frankly, I just don't see it.

I don't see it, either. On the other hand:

Amber said if another woman lived with him in his place she did not want to live there. Who the hell does she think she is?

She's so hurt Dave likes tall brunettes. He said that before he was matched with her. But she had to go whining to his friends wives about it. Friends she just met. Hey, I like men that are 6' to 6'2. Until I met my husband who is 5'10. Sorry your blonde ratty extensions are not as sexy as you hoped they would be.

She hurtfully says to Dave she never wanted to get married because she doesn't want to do chores for somebody else. Yet, you are on this show so desperate to get married. 

She's the one who is toxic and a jerk. Oh, and train your cat, Amber! The cat's behavior is a reflection on her being too lazy to correct Paisley. 

Edited August 22, 2018 by bichonblitz

[Ilovepie]

1 hour ago, Marsh said:

Speaking from a guy's point of view, this was a must-lie situation. Rate her higher to make her feel good about herself but still have open discussions about the laundry and other issues.

And maybe if they were casually dating I might agree, but as "the experts" like to say, they are married. I expect my husband to tell me the truth even if I don't like it. She may have low self esteem, but she isn't stupid. She has to know that the situation hasn't been perfect - why would she expect it to be higher? If it was me I would rather know than pretend it's all perfect. Besides, as Dave himself said, it was going to come out on tv anyway - what good would lying do when she's going to find out eventually?

[humbleopinion]

In the tease, if you are riding in an open air Cinderella  carriage and your Prince Charming says your perfume is over powering...major buzzkil.

Dave....think before you speak, brah.

What the heck was that heavy handed editing, splicing and dicing of Bobby shaking his head and stammering on an outing with the grooms?

Edited August 22, 2018 by humbleopinion

[ChiMama]

27 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

In the tease, if you are riding in an open air Cinderella  carriage and your Prince Charming says your perfume is over powering...major buzzkil.

Dave....think before you speak, brah.

What the heck was that heavy handed editing, splicing and dicing of Bobby shaking his head and stammering on an outing with the grooms?

I kind of sensed weird editing in the "smell" comment too -- he might have been referring to the smell of the horses pulling the carriage (or horse 'deposits') for all we know. Has anyone ever seen the Seinfeld episode where Kramer was driving a horse and carriage in place of a vacationing buddy and he fed the horses a Costco-sized can of Beefaroni? LOL

Anyway, I thought there were editing monkeys at play in both instances and one or both will be a nothing-burger . .  .

Edited August 22, 2018 by ChiMama

[VAMom]

3 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Dave is definitely getting a hard time - I've seen the words toxic and jerk, and frankly, I just don't see it. That is what I find so fascinating about this forum - we are all watching the same thing and the way people interpret things differently amazes me. The way I see it, Amber has asked him questions and he has answered honestly. He didn't sugar coat or coddle her (that just doesn't seem to be who he is), but that shouldn't be necessary. She is not a child - she is a grown woman who is almost 40! The Jessica Biel and 7.5 rating questions were such non-issues that she made huge deals out of. He seems more baffled by her reactions ("you're mad at half a point?!?") and inability to let it go despite his and other people's reassurances. I don't think he has some grand scheme to alienate her on purpose; she seems to be doing that all on her own. I don't blame him if he's getting frustrated, I just think they are completely mismatched, and she is too immature for marriage and too selfish for a baby.

I also don't think he was being mean to call her on the laundry when she said ON CAMERA that she would do it. He wasn't angry or rude about it, but her response was very juvenile. Instead of owning it she basically said she didn't want to be married?!? She seems to be all take and no give and I just can't see why that is his fault.

Yes!  This ?

Part of me also wonders if she is at least mildly depressed.  It would explain the lack of chores and internalizing any criticism.

[cardigirl]

4 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Maybe my wording was harsh. I don't think that outfit was appropriate for someone who is there in a professional capacity. And it was more that stylistically, the dress and shoes were completely mismatched. I honestly think it would look better if Jessica and Jamie switched shoes. The funky purple sandals would go better with Jamie's more casual romper, and the stiletto pumps would look better with the leather dress.......

Well, maybe.  Or maybe we'll just have to agree to disagree. I thought she looked quite stylish and on trend and not at all unprofessional. I mean, she is on television. As far as the shoes go, that style is all over the place for fall this year, I have a pair similar in color, style and material, to what she was wearing that I'll be wearing into my office, and I don't consider them 'funky' at all.  I think it's probably just a matter of tastes and not a matter of her being really out of touch with what is fashionable or reasonable to wear.

[DrewPaul2010]

I think we need an Amber alert.

She later regretted what she said, but what she said was outrageous. You mean to say you haven't married because it might not involve being self-absorbed 7/24? You mean you thought you could marry and still carry on the same way you have when you were single? If that's true why marry at all least of all let someone get stuck with you for a wife. She regretted saying those things but I think she meant them. Now this is the person who supposedly wants kid(s) does she have any idea how much they well cut into her self absorption? I don't think she is ready for marriage or kids unless she has kids born potty trained. That said I think Amber is a sweetheart deep down she just needs to think of others and that can be hard. Dave looks ready for it. 

Tristan and Mia. I hear the sound of the train wreck coming but I don't know how far off it is.

Bobby and Danielle are taking it in stride. Obvious hands on favorites to stay married even if they hit some high waters.

[RocketGirl]

3 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

And maybe if they were casually dating I might agree, but as "the experts" like to say, they are married. I expect my husband to tell me the truth even if I don't like it. She may have low self esteem, but she isn't stupid. She has to know that the situation hasn't been perfect - why would she expect it to be higher? If it was me I would rather know than pretend it's all perfect. Besides, as Dave himself said, it was going to come out on tv anyway - what good would lying do when she's going to find out eventually?

Yeah, she is stupid for thinking that having a low self-esteem pity party 24/7 and treating her husband like he’s the housekeeper is going to make him want to be with her.  What halfway decent person would refuse to do the dishes after her husband has cooked for her?  Or do the laundry that she herself offered to do?  Gee, maybe if she did these two small things, Dave would appreciate her and her self-esteem would magically rise.  I don’t have any sympathy for her bad attitude.

She should also be using this time to figure out if she actually likes Dave instead of obsessing over whether he likes her.  Perhaps she is trotting out the low self-esteem schtick to get out of a relationship with a guy she isn’t into rather than just being honest with him, and we are all being fooled.

[DrewPaul2010]

3 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

In the tease, if you are riding in an open air Cinderella  carriage and your Prince Charming says your perfume is over powering...major buzzkil.

Dave....think before you speak, brah.

What the heck was that heavy handed editing, splicing and dicing of Bobby shaking his head and stammering on an outing with the grooms?

Kind of like fake news only I think fake drama.

[DrewPaul2010]

6 hours ago, ChiMama said:

And in one segment it looked like Tristan was laying on the bed with no sheets/comforter, etc. -- just the mattress pad and pillow covers . . .

Maybe someone wet the bed?

[Kiss my mutt]

Although I think Dave’s score was accurate, perhaps, generous, I know I would be hurt by a score of 7.5.  We all have our sensitivities.  

[Mercolleen]

Pastor Cal in jeans is something I never need to see again.

Bobby has 80s hair. But he writes on his hand like I do, so it evens out.

[PityFree]

Bobby drank MILK with dinner!!!!  ROFL!

[humbleopinion]

I saw the redness and was wondering if Bobby had psoriasis on his left hand near his thumb....

Can you read what he wrote?

[psychoticstate]

Poor Tristan.  He's being taken for a ride by both Mia and the show.  There really is no excuse for this.  Didn't the show learn during the Atlanta season with Tres being a player?  Once the participants are chosen, wouldn't you think they'd make sure those folks are off their dating apps?   In any event, I don't believe Mia any more on the dating app than I do when she said she had no idea she had a warrant.   Tristan is fooling himself by giving Mia an 8 for Pastor Cal's ratings.  Mia should get a 3, at most.  

Amber is coming across super needy.  I think Dave is frustrated over it.  I mean, a 7.5 on a scale of 1 to 10 after 2 or 3 weeks is nothing to get testy about.  I don't think he's upset over Amber not doing laundry in and of itself, I think he's upset or frustrated because she's gone back on what she said.  Honestly, they're still in the honeymoon phase.  They should be happy and on top of the world.  Amber shouldn't be freaking out over Dave's celebrity crush.  

Who would have thought Bobby would be one of the best MAFS husbands ever?  Granted, the bar is set pretty low on some seasons but still . . .  He seems pretty mature and dedicated.  I love that he gets up, lets the dogs out, makes Danielle breakfast and lunch since she has a lengthy commute.  I also adore that he gave her a 10 on the ratings scale without second thought.

Bobby and Danielle are the only couple I think, right now, that will make it.

[Jax7917]

My question is .. why did only the guys get to rate the girls ? Shouldn't they both have had the chance to do it ? Actually , NONE of them should be doing that . The experts on this show are such quacks and don't want happy marriages . When bobby gave danielle a genuine 10, pastor Calvin looked as if he was getting annoyed . I like that bobby Didn't change his answer just so he could give Calvin the drama he was searching for . 

I have mixed feelings on Amber and Dave .. I will agree with her on the 7.5 thing though . That is pretty hurtful to rate the person you're married to as a 7.5. And everyone's saying " she's really pissed about half a point ? " well he felt the need to deduct that half a point , right ? So it does mean something to him . I think she was acting ridiculous last week with the jessica biel thing so I'll give Dave that . Also the whole " I didn't want to get married because I didn't want to do stuff for my husband " was probably the dumbest statement ever made .. But I don't think anyone being rated what he rated her would feel good about themselves . 

On the other hand, Dave does come off cold and disinterested in her . He's very stiff and has no warmth or energy to his personality . I'd be so bored with him . 

I love bobby and actually don't think he's just acting this way for the show . Something about danielle though irritates me . Maybe her voice ? Maybe her lack of a personality ? Either way , she hit the jackpot . 

[reallyjustjen]

Oh, Tristan.  Your words say you're hopeful for your future with Mia, but your eyes and body language are screaming "Get me the hell out of here, anyone, please!"".

The little mutual admiration society Danielle and Bobby have going on, could easily be annoying, but somehow it isn't (to me, anyway).  

I don't think that either Amber or Dave are terrible people, but they do seem poorly matched.  They don't seem to compliment each other in personality, much at all.   Amber does seem to think that she deserves a high score, because she's simply entitled to it without having earned it.  It reminds me of other comments she's made, such as right before the wedding, when her main concern was that her husband would worry that she was too high maintenance, as he saw her coming down the aisle.  It almost gives the impression that Amber wants to be something of a trophy wife and just be taken care of, without having to put in the hard work, either emotionally in her relationship, or physically by doing things like dishes and laundry.  

[LilaFowler]

Amber seems a bit entitled and selfish to me. She volunteered to do the laundry and if she manages to remember to do it, she wants a pat on the back. However, she doesn't want to be confronted if she doesn't do it. I think in these first short weeks, things have built up and Amber's hearing how she isn't pulling her weight... which is what lead to her weird statement about not wanting to do things for her husband. Seems like she wants all things on her terms, her time, and has no idea how to be in a partnership.

Maybe she just wants to be able to say that she has a husband and have a ring, or is embarrassed that she's 36 and single. Whatever the case, this marriage isn't going to work. Dave seems like he's totally checked out but he's smart enough and aware that he needs to look like he's trying for the cameras.

[humbleopinion]

Why haven’t the brides gotten together?

Will the audience want to hear.....

Amber going on and on about her insecurities with Dave

Mia complaining Tristan doesn’t trust her.

Danielle gushing about Bobby being so great to her.

At the end of the night....

Mia and Amber shanking Danielle in the parking lot.

Edited August 23, 2018 by humbleopinion

[Kareem]

Or Amber shanking Danielle for scoring the elusive "10" on the Rate A Wife. 

[humbleopinion]

You are right, Mia will hold Danielle down and Amber will do the deed.

[stuckin60s]

my thoughts jump all over the page with this season.

if they all moved into the men's established homes... why are there stickers on the bottom of the glasses and decorations?

Amber, please stopping talking "Valley Girl" that was o ver, years ago.  I know why she has never married other than her "insecurities".  she is lazy and selfish.  a 7.5 rating in a 1-10 is a B.  If you dont want to know the truth , dont ask.  Her cat, her sh*t all over the place.  Disregard for anyone but her.  Her best friend is a B*tch .  "No, he will have water"  If she were a man, she would be slammed all over the place.  I think Dave is a decent guy, who has lived in his organized home for a long time and is used to it.  I dont see the cuts everyone is talking about

Tristan, I agree with everyone.  I was hoping his prison guard mom would call BS on Mia.  He looks exhausted

[red12]

On 8/21/2018 at 10:08 PM, shouldbedancing said:

The "experts" are such gaslighters. Love is not a feeling, it's an intellectual choice you make. Don't take your ring off, you're committing emotional blackmail. They don't listen to people's concerns and feelings. They just tell them they're wrong and they should shut up and stay married.

You are absolutely correct about the gaslighting and half truths passed off by the experts. 

My husband and I talked about this last night. Yes, love is a daily choice to act in ways that support the marriage and your spouse BUT trust, friendship,  attraction and a healthy sexual connection are the WD-40 that make the commitment machine work smoothly and those choices easier to make. Till death do us part can be a long time. Just willing your way through is not enough.

Generally, I agree about taking one's ring off as a tactic to communicate displeasure with one's spouse. But, in this situation, I understand.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

11 hours ago, LilaFowler said:

Amber seems a bit entitled and selfish to me. She volunteered to do the laundry and if she manages to remember to do it, she wants a pat on the back. However, she doesn't want to be confronted if she doesn't do it. I think in these first short weeks, things have built up and Amber's hearing how she isn't pulling her weight... Seems like she wants all things on her terms, her time, and has no idea how to be in a partnership.

Most of this is without question. But don't forget that Amber is struggling with major issues of  self-esteem, which is certainly a big part of the problem. Amber is another major failure of the 'experts' to screen out people with serious psychological 'issues'. 

As for: "..which is what lead to her weird statement about not wanting to do things for her husband..." I don't think that's just about 'selfishness' or 'lazyness'. Amber believes she is (and should remain) a very independent woman. She's 36 years old, she has a job, she's has never had a spouse before, and she's probably never even lived with a man before Dave. Amber probably has strong internal conflicts about giving up her independence. She's accustomed to doing things her own way --including putting off (or ignoring) the things she doesn't want to do (and maybe eventually paying someone else to do them).  Amber may very well consider "housewife" to be one of the worst cuss-words that ever existed! She rejected the idea of Dave looking over her finances, his questioning her about what she spends her money on, and his 'judging' her best friend for being so dominant in that marriage. 

 

11 hours ago, LilaFowler said:

Maybe she just wants to be able to say that she has a husband and have a ring, or is embarrassed that she's 36 and single. Whatever the case, this marriage isn't going to work. Dave seems like he's totally checked out but he's smart enough and aware that he needs to look like he's trying for the cameras.

I'm guessing that she wanted a husband for (a) regular sex, (b) making babies, and (c) flattering her on a regular basis. (Not necessarily in that order.)  Dave has obviously 'failed' at (c), and he doesn't seem interested in (b).

[red12]

19 hours ago, glitterpussy said:

So true. My husband turned to me when Pastor Cal said that and was all. "Is...is that TRUE??" LMAO. No babe, he's freaking manipulating them into staying married.

All the experts disgust me, because they are out there in the guise of "helping" when they're really just driving the show and in many cases, actively harming the participants. Telling Tristan to wipe the slate clean and unconditionally trust that psychopath Mia...NO YOU DON"T TELL PEOPLE THAT. They KNOW she's goddamn lying 24/7! Of course Tristan is a big dumdum but still, it ain't right.

In reading your comment it hit me that the other reason these 'experts' are so damaging is that this is probably most of the casts first experiences with counseling. So, they are likely to take some of this BS advice into their lives after the show.

The experience with these people might even sour them on seeing an actual therapist. I mean Amber, Tristan and Mia absolutely need to be in someone's office once per week. It wouldn't hurt the others either but, these experts covering for Mia for example, can validate feelings she might have that things are fine and Tristan just needs to work harder because she's doing everything she can. Then she moves on to the next man whose life she will ruin with her love unexamined. Ugh!

[ShaNaeNae]

On ‎8‎/‎21‎/‎2018 at 9:33 PM, AussieBabe said:

Mia didn't know the profile wasn't deactivated? Now, I don't know about dating apps or anything, but don't they send matches through e-mail and ish? You mean to tell me there was ZERO communication. That's like me deleting my FB app from my mobile. That won't make my profile inactive. He should've been asking the friend if he could see when she was last active. I know I sign up for one thing on a clothing website, and I get 50 e-mails per day. Of course Tristan believed her. I agree that it is painful to watch them floundering. They need real marital counselling, and I don't mean from these hacks. 21 days in and every day has been tears and anger. Jessica should've spoken to Tristan alone and expanded on that resentment that's building. He's justified and right that no one asks how he's feeling. It's all about how snowflake Mia is doing and how she's feeling. Pretending that he's OK isn't working. Just looking at the bags under his eyes tells me he's going through it.

Not that I want to give Mia any justification, but from what I gathered she was on Tinder (the swiping one) and you don't get emails from that one.  When I was on Plenty of Fish or Match, you do get matches via email.  I remember when I met my boyfriend, I don't remember the details, just that it was kind of a pain in the ass to cancel Tinder.  And a friend was on there too.  He told me he had quit that app, deleted his profile and a few weeks later I was swiping and saw his profile.  He said he thought he deleted it, didn't know what happened.  So it's possible.  But gah, she's just drama.

[humbleopinion]

At the grooms dinner with denimed Cal, felt bad for both Tristan and Dave because it is a toss up who has the worst wife.

If you had to pick the better of the worst, who would you take on as your spouse...Felonious Mia or Her Royal Highness Princess Amber?

[Marsh]

2 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

You are right, Mia will hold Danielle down and Amber will do the deed.

Mia would get the kill.

 

3 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

If you had to pick the better of the worst, who would you take on as your spouse...Felonious Mia or Her Royal Highness Princess Amber?

Amber.  She has problems but at least she has a good heart.  But then again she is way too high maintenance for me so it would end up in divorce.

 

I would have divorced Mia the day she lied about being arrested.

[humbleopinion]

I’d pick Amber.

She doesn’t have a history of stalking or credit card fraud...just call me old fashioned...

[red12]

I guess Amber. But, don't let her have a baby. You will be shackled to her forever then.

[SnarkEnthusiast]

Bobby is really impressing me so far, so I'm hoping his "anger issues" are being overblown by the editors for teaser drama.

Amber and Mia are both exhausting. Tristan is criminally stupid. Was he a virgin before Mia? Because there's no way that sociopath's vagina is that magical.

[Marsh]

26 minutes ago, SnarkEnthusiast said:

Amber and Mia are both exhausting. Tristan is criminally stupid. Was he a virgin before Mia? Because there's no way that sociopath's vagina is that magical.

I'm assuming it's because Tristan is really religious and divorce is a sin in his eyes. So he'll probably try to make it work no matter what.

 

We can confirm that Mia's vagina has no magical powers, because her ex ran for the hills.

[humbleopinion]

Amber, if you read this forum, you are preferred over Mia!

You’re not the worst....

[Empress1]

3 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I'm guessing that [Amber] wanted a husband for (a) regular sex, (b) making babies, and (c) flattering her on a regular basis. (Not necessarily in that order.)  Dave has obviously 'failed' at (c), and he doesn't seem interested in (b).

I said it after the first episode and I'll say it again: Amber should have gone to a sperm bank.

[SnarkEnthusiast]

52 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

I said it after the first episode and I'll say it again: Amber should have gone to a sperm bank.

And bought a vibrator.