S07.E08: Back To Reality

[humbleopinion]

Two and a half weeks into the marriage, day to day life sets in.

[Straycat80]

Mia ‘thought’ she deactivated her profile on the dating app. Tristan bought it and forgave her, no surprise there. 

I’m liking Bobby and Danielle so far. I like that he does nice little things for her. Amber should get counseling from him instead of the experts. 

[ShowFan]

So...”I didn’t what to get married because I don’t want to do stuff for my husband” ....whaaaaaat?

[crazychicken]

5 minutes ago, ShowFan said:

So...”I didn’t what to get married because I don’t want to do stuff for my husband” ....whaaaaaat?

Good luck to Amber if the longed for babies comes all you do is 'stuff' for them

[AussieBabe]

Mia didn't know the profile wasn't deactivated? Now, I don't know about dating apps or anything, but don't they send matches through e-mail and ish? You mean to tell me there was ZERO communication. That's like me deleting my FB app from my mobile. That won't make my profile inactive. He should've been asking the friend if he could see when she was last active. I know I sign up for one thing on a clothing website, and I get 50 e-mails per day. Of course Tristan believed her. I agree that it is painful to watch them floundering. They need real marital counselling, and I don't mean from these hacks. 21 days in and every day has been tears and anger. Jessica should've spoken to Tristan alone and expanded on that resentment that's building. He's justified and right that no one asks how he's feeling. It's all about how snowflake Mia is doing and how she's feeling. Pretending that he's OK isn't working. Just looking at the bags under his eyes tells me he's going through it.

[OnTime]

This season is so boring. I can't take five more weeks of it.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

26 minutes ago, Straycat80 said:

Mia ‘thought’ she deactivated her profile on the dating app. Tristan bought it and forgave her, no surprise there. 

I’m liking Bobby and Danielle so far. I like that he does nice little things for her. Amber should get counseling from him instead of the experts. 

There will be drama sooner or later for Bobby and Danielle, never fear! If this show doesn't have enough drama going on, they do something like... asking all the men to 'rate' their wives, for example...

[Caseysgirl]

Amber, really?  I know why you are 36 and single!  You are insecure AND lazy. You are looking worse and worse to me ( and to Dave). Who did your laundry and cooked your meals before you got this guy to take care of you.  And oh, experts, nothing in your intensive evaluations that asks about how you feel about sharing household chores?

[LilaFowler]

Tristan/Mia: this is a huge mess that needs to end sooner rather than later.

Dave/Amber: she is really insecure but he's not helping. I find him to be very passive-aggressive and reserved. He's pissed that she didn't do his laundry but only actually says that when she presses him. She's no prize, though, admitting that she didn't want to meet his friends or do extra things for him. Dave wasn't honest about himself and his needs in his interviews, and Amber only likes the idea of a husband but is too independent and set in her ways to really have one.

Bobby/Danielle: easily my favorite couple and I'm holding my breath, hoping that they stay that way. Bobby is so considerate -- I love it so much. The best thing about it is that while Danielle is the one who hit the spouse jackpot, Bobby acts like he did. When Danielle was cooking dinner and said, "so you won't think that I'm incompetent," he was so quick to say with total sincerity, "I never thought you were incompetent." My cold, dark heart melted a bit. Tristan would make a joke and Dave would purse his lips and over-analyze. Bobby is (from what we've seen) one of the best husbands on this show ever.

[humbleopinion]

Unfiltered: Dr. Jessica Bobby and Dave

Dr Jesisica was very helpful in explaining why the matches were made, for example in the application and selection process, Amber submitted several photos of herself as a brunette in different shades so her turning up as a blonde when she was selected as a bride was not a deal breaker but a surprise.

So Amber going nutso about Jessica Biel, a brunette makes even less sense.

JamieO asked about who takes longer showers and while Danielle is a quick showerer, Bobby sometimes sits in the spray for 10-15 minutes to wake up. That was so boring my thumb fell asleep as I was typing that.......

Dave squirmed trying to be diplomatic about Zachia and Paisley....Makeup, come blot the flop sweat on Dave....

Tristan and Mia were mentioned only in passing about them united in being tight lipped about her arrest.

Dr. Jessica was wearing a rocking leather dress with hot pink heels for her first time on an Unfiltered show, Bobby in a shirt 2 sizes too big(Danielle, please help his wardrobe) and Dave looked like he was going to play a round after the taping.

The show was THAT boring seriously....don’t hate the messenger...

[Crazy Bird Lady]

25 minutes ago, AussieBabe said:

Mia didn't know the profile wasn't deactivated? Now, I don't know about dating apps or anything, but don't they send matches through e-mail and ish? You mean to tell me there was ZERO communication. That's like me deleting my FB app from my mobile. That won't make my profile inactive. He should've been asking the friend if he could see when she was last active. I know I sign up for one thing on a clothing website, and I get 50 e-mails per day.

*  This quote feature isn't working right. It's me, Crazy Bird Lady, and I agree totally with Aussiebabe about the dating app thing. Maybe Mia doesn't know how apps are... All I know is, she's young enough to be my daughter, and I certainly wouldn't assume that deleting an app from my computer or phone would guarantee that it no longer exists,or even that it's inactive. I was very annoyed that Tristan apparently didn't even try to check and find out if she'd been active on that app. And I was even more annoyed that the 'expert,' Jessica, didn't check on it or even suggest he should!

 

Of course Tristan believed her. I agree that it is painful to watch them floundering. They need real marital counselling, and I don't mean from these hacks. 21 days in and every day has been tears and anger. Jessica should've spoken to Tristan alone and expanded on that resentment that's building. He's justified and right that no one asks how he's feeling.

[Crazy Bird Lady again]:   Absolutely! The only one who's shown any real personal concern for Tristan, himself, is his own mother!!

 

It's all about how snowflake Mia is doing and how she's feeling. Pretending that he's OK isn't working. Just looking at the bags under his eyes tells me he's going through it.

Tristan is a basket case, but he's still being encouraged to "stay strong" and to "trust the process"...  What a bunch of BS.

Edited August 22, 2018 by Crazy Bird Lady

[qtpye]

Danielle and Bobby might be one of the best matches made on this show. I can not believe Mia had a higher wife rating than Amber. Dave remind me of a man that is slowly and carefully backing out the front door. It does make you wonder if people who marry in their later thirties are a little too set in a their ways to make a marriage work.

3 minutes ago, LilaFowler said:

Tristan/Mia: this is a huge mess that needs to end sooner rather than later.

Dave/Amber: she is really insecure but he's not helping. I find him to be very passive-aggressive and reserved. He's pissed that she didn't do his laundry but only actually says that when she presses him. She's no prize, though, admitting that she didn't want to meet his friends or do extra things for him. Dave wasn't honest about himself and his needs in his interviews, and Amber only likes the idea of a husband but is too independent and set in her ways to really have one.

Bobby/Danielle: easily my favorite couple and I'm holding my breath, hoping that they stay that way. Bobby is so considerate -- I love it so much. The best thing about it is that while Danielle is the one who hit the spouse jackpot, Bobby acts like he did. When Danielle was cooking dinner and said, "so you won't think that I'm incompetent," he was so quick to say with total sincerity, "I never thought you were incompetent." My cold, dark heart melted a bit. Tristan would make a joke and Dave would purse his lips and over-analyze. Bobby is (from what we've seen) one of the best husbands on this show ever.

Bobby absolutely seems to adore Danielle. 

[shouldbedancing]

The "experts" are such gaslighters. Love is not a feeling, it's an intellectual choice you make. Don't take your ring off, you're committing emotional blackmail. They don't listen to people's concerns and feelings. They just tell them they're wrong and they should shut up and stay married.

Edited August 22, 2018 by shouldbedancing

[humbleopinion]

Dave ....what about me?

Wot if I had a bad day?

7.5 because she’s not been a rockstar wife ...

Geez, Dave two and a half weeks in and you are already tired of being married to Amber?

Yup, he’s dunzo.

[humbleopinion]

Bobby gets up first to let the pups out, makes coffee, makes her breakfast, packs her lunch.

Danielle has the 90 minute commute so he walks the dogs before he goes to work.

Hey Dave...Bobby does all this gladly and still rates Danielle a 10.

Bobby is a rockstar husband.

Edited August 22, 2018 by humbleopinion

[ChristmasJones]

Dave seems emotionally ungenerous ... and I think that is kicking off Amber's propensity for insecurity.

The Tristan/Mia thing is a disaster. A tool in marital therapy (for people who have been married and are in a rough patch) is to have both partners think back in time to the beginning of their relationship and identify all the positive things about their partner and their experiences together. This is used as a foundation to help the couple get in touch with what brought them together so they can use that as a source of security while they work through challenging conflicts.

Tristan and Mia are never going to have such a foundation. Its an absolute joke to think that a life-long marriage is going to emerge from such a messed-up situation that happened within days of when they first met. They have no "honeymoon period" to fall back on. I was happy to see Tristan starting to get angry about it.

[gonecrackers]

Maybe Amber hasn't done the laundry because Dave will most likely find something wrong with how she did it.

[Kiss my mutt]

Dave definitely has a mean streak. Amber is hurt by the score he gave her (rightfully so IMO) and that has fueled her insecurity so she goes on the offense acting like she pushes back. It’s not doing “extra” for your husband to do his laundry if he is cooking and taking care of other things around the house.  

I’m not feeling any empathy coming from Dave at all. He seems cold so he gets that in return. I can see how Amber is not feeling any fondness on his part.  

Mía could tell Tristan she was pregnant by immaculate conception and he’d find a way to talk himself into believing it.  You better grow some Tristan or at least find a woman that is worthy of your trust.  

I agree that overall this season is a snooze.  

[qtpye]

2 minutes ago, humbleopinion said:

Bobby gets up first to let the pups out, makes coffee, makes her breakfast, packs her lunch.

Danielle has the 90 minute commute so he walks the dogs before he goes to work.

Hey Dave...Bobby does all this gladly and still rates Danielle a 10.

Bobby is a rockstar husband.

Well Bobby is really into Danielle and Dave is just tolerating Amber. Heck, Tristan is probably more into kooky Mia than Dave is into Amber. When you like someone the way Bobby does...you don’t keep score like that. Amber also seems a little dense to Dave’s resentments about her not doing her share of the chores making me think they do not communicate effectively.

[Gem 10]

1 hour ago, ShowFan said:

So...”I didn’t what to get married because I don’t want to do stuff for my husband” ....whaaaaaat?

Now I can see why she’s not married at 38.  Primadonna.

Edited August 22, 2018 by Gem 10

[Marsh]

This episode was kinda boring.  I fell asleep when the "lovebirds" were bowling.

 

But Dave... Have you EVER dated a woman before?  You don't rate her a 7.5 that will kill her.  You're supposed to LIE.  The producers planted that bomb and you fell for it.  And how would Amber feel if she knew Mia the jailbird was rated higher than her...  That would crush anyone's self-esteem. 

 

My turn to rate people. From "OK" to least liked:

Danielle/Bobby, Amber, Tristan, Dave, "the experts", Mia.

[humbleopinion]

I can see Tristan and Mia not living in the high rise together ala Molly and Jon.

They are a total charade.

And I can’t stand their segments.

[bichonblitz]

Amber needs to grow up. I'm with Dave on this one. You don't cook and you don't clean the dishes. Dave cooks and then has to do the dishes in the morning, too. Amber agree to take on the laundry as her responsibility. Then she doesn't do it.  She's pissed off because he doesn't rate her a "10" yet.  She has no intention of putting any work in to this marriage. 

Maybe the reason Bobby does so much for Danielle is because Danielle doesn't act like a spoiled princess bitch. She's a genuinely decent person who was willing to make him dinner even though she doesn't like to cook and admitted the meal may taste like crap but she wanted to show Bobby that she appreciated all he does for her. That's a partnership. Learn from that, Amber.  

[Yeah No]

Bobby is a decent guy and is really into Danielle, but he's still on his best behavior in their little romantic "bubble", so I expect one day soon they will eventually have a fight, and when they do, it's going to be a big one, so stand back when the bubble bursts!  I just hope that when they land in the real world it doesn't total them and they can move beyond whatever it is.

Pastor Cal should just STFU about this "love is not a feeling" stuff.  He doesn't know WTF he's talking about.  Of course in a romantic relationship you pretty much have to fall IN love with the person or the relationship is doomed.  It's not ONLY a rational decision.  It is that but it's also the feeling and falling stuff.  It's not either/or.  He just took all the joy out of it and made marriage seem like nothing but a contract with a friend/roommate.  I'm sure that Bobby was sitting there thinking, "Yeah, I'm in love and I love so whatever".

Amber is engaging in self-fulfilling self-sabotage.  This "I'm obviously not being a good enough wife" self-put-down is so she can feel more comfortable knowing she failed, because succeeding would be even harder for her to handle.  It's fear of success.  She tells herself she can't succeed so she doesn't.  Dave giving her a 7.5 was primarily because that insecurity is killing things between them.  I keep saying she should "fake it until she makes it".  What is it with those two?  Even he is engaging in sabotage by telling her every little critical thought he has about her.  That comment in the preview about her perfume being too strong was ridiculous.  He is just as bad as she is in his own way.  Both of them are acting a lot younger than their chronological ages.

Once again Mia is FOS.  I haven't been on dating sites in years but from what I recall, they drive you nuts with email so it's virtually impossible not to know your profile is still active.  And I don't believe her profile was on there so long that it went dormant and she got no emails.

[Ilovepie]

I find Amber exhausting. Her bs excuse about being scared about having feelings for Dave is a cop out. And if she doesn’t want to do Dave’s laundry she’s in for a rude awakening about how much laundry kids have....Dave seems slightly inflexible, and is not the warmest person but he seems to be trying. I started on team Amber but I think I’m definitely swaying team Dave at this point.

Bobby and Danielle were not my favorites the first few episodes, but they are quickly becoming one of my all time favorites, and part of it has been Bobby on Unfiltered. I find him surprisingly genuine and funny.

While I appreciate Jessica calling it about either be ready to sign divorce papers or keep the ring on, in this instance I just wish she had said this is too far gone. Of course she doesn’t.....

And on the topic of Dr Jessica, the ridiculous leather mini dress with frumpy fugly purple shoes was blowing my mind on Unfiltered. Way to look professional, lady!

[Kareem]

5 hours ago, Marsh said:

...

My turn to rate people. From "OK" to least liked:

Danielle/Bobby, Amber, Tristan, Dave, "the experts", Mia.

Ooh, fun.  At the moment -

Bobby, Tristan, Danielle, Amber, Dave, Mia.  I kinda ignore the experts because they're useless more often than not.

John Boy Walton seems to genuinely care about her and I like what he does for her.  I hope she appreciates him. I feel for Tristan because I think head in the armpit girl is bad news and agree with him that people are more concerned with how Mia is doing, and I believe he's trying but isn't stupid. Danielle's ok but sometimes comes off as a little indifferent. Amber is a hot mess, inside and out.  I put her ahead of Dave only because he's saying one thing and acting another.  Something really cold about him; his words don't match.  Mia annoys me.  jmho

Edited August 22, 2018 by Kareem

[humbleopinion]

How do you forgive a wife who you caught still in a dating app....?

Go Bowling of course.

Tristan and Mia say they love each other every time they are on camera so thanks for cheapening the word.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

10 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Bobby is a decent guy and is really into Danielle, but he's still on his best behavior in their little romantic "bubble", so I expect one day soon they will eventually have a fight, and when they do, it's going to be a big one, so stand back when the bubble bursts!  I just hope that when they land in the real world it doesn't total them and they can move beyond whatever it is.

Me, too. It's coming, we just don't know what 'it' is yet. Maybe the financial thing? I just hope they can survive it, I really do love them as a couple.

 

Quote

Amber is engaging in self-fulfilling self-sabotage.  This "I'm obviously not being a good enough wife" self-put-down is so she can feel more comfortable knowing she failed, because succeeding would be even harder for her to handle.  It's fear of success.  She tells herself she can't succeed so she doesn't.  Dave giving her a 7.5 was primarily because that insecurity is killing things between them.  I keep saying she should "fake it until she makes it".  

[Crazy Bird Lady]:  I don't think she should be "fake". I just think that, whenever she gets upset about something, she should 'sleep on it' before she talks it over with Dave. And yes, Amber certainly does self-sabotage. You described her problem very well. But, it's not like Pastor Cal helped them to 'grow as a couple' by adding to her insecurities when he asked the guys to rate their wives! That time, the sabotage came from the so-called "expert"!

 

What is it with those two?  Even he is engaging in sabotage by telling her every little critical thought he has about her.  That comment in the preview about her perfume being too strong was ridiculous.  He is just as bad as she is in his own way.  Both of them are acting a lot younger than their chronological ages.

Amber reacts to anything she perceives as negative criticism by (first) blaming herself. (I knew it! I'm a terrible wife! I always knew I'd be a terrible wife, that's why I never got married!) Then, because she's hurting, she blurts out something hurtful --like saying "I never should have married you!" 

 

Quote

Once again Mia is FOS.  I haven't been on dating sites in years but from what I recall, they drive you nuts with email so it's virtually impossible not to know your profile is still active.  And I don't believe her profile was on there so long that it went dormant and she got no emails.

Yes, I think Mia's first reaction to any accusation is making up a lie she thinks the other person will believe. She was being deceptive again. She might actually have deleted that app from her phone and/or her tablet (or whatever). But, she'd probably still be getting e-mails from interested men. The honest thing to do would have been to say so (if it's true), and (if it's true) explain that she never replied to any of them, they just keep appearing in her inbox.

Edited August 22, 2018 by Crazy Bird Lady

[cardigirl]

6 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

And on the topic of Dr Jessica, the ridiculous leather mini dress with frumpy fugly purple shoes was blowing my mind on Unfiltered. Way to look professional, lady!

1

I thought she looked great.  Loved the shoes. 

[humbleopinion]

Bobby whistling happily while he does the majority of the chores needed to run a household...the shopping, the cooking, care of the doggies, seeing that Danielle has a travel mug of coffee, a giant bagel with a schmear to eat in the car as she fights traffic into Dallas, making her a lunch of apple and peanut butter.

Bobby is a worker bee.

Doing  for Danielle  and the dogs is his way of showing his love for her.

Danielle is cognizant of the house chores/work discrepancy but also acknowledges that he and his family values her willingness to drive 3 hours to and from work as her commitment to the marriage.

So three weeks in, they have found a  system that works for them.

Poor Bobby, it was torture for him watching Danielle cook.

He looked like he wanted to take over at the stove but was smart enough to let her show him how she appreciates his cooking for her everyday.

She did present a pretty plate of food.

Hard to gauge who was prouder...Danielle for cooking...or Bobby eating the meal Danielle made just for him. Adorable.

You can catch a glimpse of him packing the leftovers for his lunch the next day and of course he’ll brag about his wife cooking a special meal for him.

Too cute.

Nice to see gender roles blurred and it really is about how everyday people do what needs to be done to build a life.

Edited August 23, 2018 by humbleopinion

[Booger666]

Wow, David and Amber are such a bad match.  She has relationship insecurities and he gets in little digs at her to keep her on edge.  So toxic.  I think her gut is telling her he doesn’t like her on some level which is amping up the insecurity.  These two need to call it a day already.

[humbleopinion]

Anybody thinking Dave is eventually going to pull out the big guns and tell her all the terrible things gym guy said about her?

That will be the point if no return for this couple and it will be ugly .....

[aphroditewitch]

Dave's issues aren't due to his age, he is just a jerk. He didn't want to be married for the purpose of having a partner. He wanted to be married because his group of bros is marrying and he was starting to feel left out. Women that he was meeting before the show likely figured out he was a tool pretty quickly and noped out of there. 

[Empress1]

10 hours ago, AussieBabe said:

Mia didn't know the profile wasn't deactivated? Now, I don't know about dating apps or anything, but don't they send matches through e-mail and ish? You mean to tell me there was ZERO communication. That's like me deleting my FB app from my mobile. That won't make my profile inactive. He should've been asking the friend if he could see when she was last active. I know I sign up for one thing on a clothing website, and I get 50 e-mails per day. Of course Tristan believed her. I agree that it is painful to watch them floundering. They need real marital counselling, and I don't mean from these hacks. 21 days in and every day has been tears and anger. Jessica should've spoken to Tristan alone and expanded on that resentment that's building. He's justified and right that no one asks how he's feeling. It's all about how snowflake Mia is doing and how she's feeling. Pretending that he's OK isn't working. Just looking at the bags under his eyes tells me he's going through it.

Mia is full of shit. You get notified via email when you have a match if your profile is active on a dating site/app, and deleting the app doesn't deactivate a profile - that's like saying because I turned off push notifications from the CNN app, news doesn't happen. I feel SO bad for Tristan. He really needs someone in his corner. Has he had any fun with Mia since they've been married, or have her charges and lies been gnawing at his mind the whole time?

Bobby packing Danielle's lunch and snack was too cute. He's a sweet guy. (That 90-minute commute would be a complete non-starter for me, unless as a salesperson she's on the road more than she's in the office. I had that once and I was utterly miserable. I liked the work itself but the commute messed me up so much I started to hate it.)

Amber is kind of exhausting. She seems to need a lot of validation. Do you like me, do you find me attractive, am I being a good wife, and on and on. Also ... do the laundry and clean up after yourself, dude. Laundry is a pretty passive chore until you have to fold it, and even that doesn't take long. I remember her saying she wasn't interested in domestic stuff and I thought " ... huh?" I mean, you can not be interested in it all day long but you still have to do it.

[Waterlilly]

10 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

I can see Tristan and Mia not living in the high rise together ala Molly and Jon.

They are a total charade.

And I can’t stand their segments.

I wondered about the different headboard/no headboard on their bed?????

[2727]

Amber didn't understand that How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days was a comedy, not life advice.

[AussieBabe]

23 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Mia is full of shit. You get notified via email when you have a match if your profile is active on a dating site/app, and deleting the app doesn't deactivate a profile - that's like saying because I turned off push notifications from the CNN app, news doesn't happen. I feel SO bad for Tristan. He really needs someone in his corner. Has he had any fun with Mia since they've been married, or have her charges and lies been gnawing at his mind the whole time?

Bobby packing Danielle's lunch and snack was too cute. He's a sweet guy. (That 90-minute commute would be a complete non-starter for me, unless as a salesperson she's on the road more than she's in the office. I had that once and I was utterly miserable. I liked the work itself but the commute messed me up so much I started to hate it.)

Amber is kind of exhausting. She seems to need a lot of validation. Do you like me, do you find me attractive, am I being a good wife, and on and on. Also ... do the laundry and clean up after yourself, dude. Laundry is a pretty passive chore until you have to fold it, and even that doesn't take long. I remember her saying she wasn't interested in domestic stuff and I thought " ... huh?" I mean, you can not be interested in it all day long but you still have to do it.

I feel bad for him, too. You can tell he's really struggling, and it was good to see some anger surface.  However, Jessica subtly invalidated his feelings instead of letting him know that how he's feeling is valid because he feels x way. "Don't take the ring off. That's emotional blackmail." His wife constantly lying and being a master manipulator isn't OK, and it keeps getting swept under the rug. And this whole trust the process BS. They're trying to save face and prevent this from being another all divorce season. Pastor Cal wasn't any better in the Love Unlocked thing that came on before Unfiltered. They had a counselling session or something. Basically, he was like wipe the slate clean and don't even let the most tiny doubt surface where trust is concerned. Just move forward and Mia has to be consistent. Umm. Not possible when you have somebody who lies with such ease...while wearing a shirt that says, "Lord, Have Your Way With Me." Or whatever it says.

Amber is exhausting. Her self-esteem issues would make me drink. Maybe she outsources and has all of her clothing dry cleaned or has a housekeeper? You may not be domestic, but laundry still has to be done. Trash still has to be taken out. You can't let dishes pile up. I definitely don't think the housework should fall on one person. I'm just trying to figure out what she was planning on contributing to household chores. To me, that isn't "extra" stuff you do for your spouse. That's just stuff that needs to be done for basic cleanliness.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

11 hours ago, Marsh said:

My turn to rate people. From "OK" to least liked:

Danielle/Bobby, Amber, Tristan, Dave, "the experts", Mia.

Agreed -- except I think "the experts" and Mia are tied for worst ever.

[humbleopinion]

Production crew following Tristan/Mia:

We have another crisis and need an “expert” to counsel them.

”Experts”: Ugh...Whose turn is it to walk those 2 off the ledge?

Dr. Jessica: I’ll do it.

Jon told me my fake eyelashes look hot on FaceTime.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

2 hours ago, Booger666 said:

Wow, David and Amber are such a bad match.  She has relationship insecurities and he gets in little digs at her to keep her on edge.  So toxic.  I think her gut is telling her he doesn’t like her on some level which is amping up the insecurity.  These two need to call it a day already.

Exactly! Except, I think they're under a whole lot of pressure not to quit before the "experiment" ends...

[Empress1]

9 minutes ago, AussieBabe said:

Amber is exhausting. Her self-esteem issues would make me drink. Maybe she outsources and has all of her clothing dry cleaned or has a housekeeper? You may not be domestic, but laundry still has to be done. Trash still has to be taken out. You can't let dishes pile up. I definitely don't think the housework should fall on one person. I'm just trying to figure out what she was planning on contributing to household chores. To me, that isn't "extra" stuff you do for your spouse. That's just stuff that needs to be done for basic cleanliness.

I had a friend who sent out his laundry because his chore growing up was laundry for his family of 5, so he was through with laundry as an adult. But when he was in a relationship, he fully expected to continue to send out his laundry - he didn't expect his SO to do it. If she wanted to, great, if not, regular laundry service was a part of his budget and he'd continue to do that.

I agree - basic housework isn't extra. Everyone has to do laundry and keep their space clean. If Dave is doing ALL the cooking, Amber needs to be doing the dishes. The cook (me, in my case!) doesn't clean. 

[humbleopinion]

Amber’s schedule:

Morning :Go to work

Afternoon: 5pm Leave work and go to a group exercise/dance class at the gym then do some lifting or conditioning and socialize.

Evening: Shower at the gym and go to one of her standing beauty maintenance appointments.

Depending on the day of the week go get nails or brows or waxing or extensions or bleaching/dye job done.

Drop by Zachia’s for the salad they make especially for her every night...maybe a skosh  of vino...

Get home by 10pm. 

Bed.

Rinse. Repeat.

Weekend: Boozy Brunch. Shop. Date. Run errands.

Sunday night: Pick outfits for the work week.

Cleaning lady lets herself in to the apartment to do housekeeping, empty Paisley’s litter box and do laundry.

Amber has no time for a husband or things that husbands expect of a partner in a marriage to do...

Edited August 22, 2018 by humbleopinion

[bichonblitz]

1 hour ago, Empress1 said:

Also ... do the laundry and clean up after yourself, dude.

You can't just always clean up after just yourself when you are living with your partner. Dave and Amber had a discussion and came to an agreement on who would be doing which chores. Obviously Dave likes organization in his life. If Amber doesn't then that could be a big problem. Dave was going to handle cooking, taking out trash. Amber was laundry and I don't know what else. Apparently nothing. If she doesn't want to do his laundry and wanted to keep that separate, fine, she should have said that and then she should have chosen a different chore. Personally, I like that my hubby and I have certain things we do around the house, it keeps our life more organized. When he cooks, I clean and vice versa. I always clean the bathrooms, he always does the laundry, takes the trash out. It's not a big deal. I have more important stuff to do with my life than come home pissed off because my partner doesn't hold up their end of the deal, it would infuriate me. 

Edited August 22, 2018 by bichonblitz

[ChiMama]

16 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Bobby is a decent guy and is really into Danielle, but he's still on his best behavior in their little romantic "bubble", so I expect one day soon they will eventually have a fight, and when they do, it's going to be a big one, so stand back when the bubble bursts!  I just hope that when they land in the real world it doesn't total them and they can move beyond whatever it is.

I swear I saw a preview once (maybe at the beginning of the season) that showed Danielle unhappy with the way Bobby was handling a dog disobedience situation -- like he was too rough, yell-y, cussing, etc. Even at the time I was thinking it was a 'reach' for the show to find some conflict to highlight to pep up their story, because it looked like a normal marital spat. And to go from happy, blissful Bobby & Danielle to Bobby being all mournful with Tristan in the previews was a weird, jarring experience. My feeling is they're over-dramatizing for the sake of the show / storyline. Just keep it real, guys! Gah -- we're interested in what happens organically -- none of this set up BS!

15 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

I find Amber exhausting. Her bs excuse about being scared about having feelings for Dave is a cop out. And if she doesn’t want to do Dave’s laundry she’s in for a rude awakening about how much laundry kids have....Dave seems slightly inflexible, and is not the warmest person but he seems to be trying. I started on team Amber but I think I’m definitely swaying team Dave at this point.

Ditto. I found her 'excuse' to be kind of like answering "I'm a perfectionist" to the age-old "Tell me your biggest flaw" job interview question. Position a positive as the negative and you're a winner! ;)

Amber IS exhausting. Dave is getting a hard time for 'picking' at her? C'mon -- she whines and finds something to feel bad about with EVERYTHING. I think she's one of those people who aren't happy UNLESS they have some drama in their lives. "I always want A's, not C's." Wah. Then do your 'homework,' Princess! She comes off as selfish & entitled . . . I don't like her.

Edited August 22, 2018 by ChiMama

[Deni]

I have a hard time enjoying Bobby and Danielle even though they seem to be perfectly matched. I think that it was her “Southern values” comment that made me be turned off by her. Sure, that’s being judgmental perhaps, but in today’s climate, it makes me think of only bad things. Even when I don’t think about it that way, there is a very Pleasantville/Stepford Wives vibe about them that is unsettling to me.

[StatisticalOutlier]

12 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Dave definitely has a mean streak. Amber is hurt by the score he gave her (rightfully so IMO)

Why is she rightfully hurt?  Dave said he thought it was a good score. 

Amber was saying that "7" is just barely passing.  But that comes from grades, like in school, where "70" is passing. 

On a scale of 1-10, with no "passing," a "5" would be average, so a 7.5 seems pretty good to me--top 25%.  I appears Dave was scoring on this system, and it's not his fault she's using a different system. 

Plus, Amber said she would have been okay with an "8."  She seemed pretty worked up over 5 percentage points.

 

12 hours ago, Marsh said:

But Dave... Have you EVER dated a woman before?  You don't rate her a 7.5 that will kill her.  You're supposed to LIE. 

I'll be an outlier here and say THIS woman doesn't want to be lied to.  Yes, you can and should be considerate and not deliberately hurtful, but as I pointed out, Dave said he thought 7.5 was a good score (and I agree).  In this case, he didn't need to lie because he actually gave her a pretty good score (much better than I would have, considering how exhausting and annoying she is).

 

4 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

How do you forgive a wife who you caught still in a dating app....?

Go Bowling of course.

And bowling with bumpers in the gutters!  I'm a shitty bowler but I would NEVER use bumpers just so I could knock down more pins.  Sheesh.

 

11 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

You can't just always clean up after just yourself when you are living with your partner. Dave and Amber had a discussion and came to an agreement on who would be doing which chores. Dave's was cooking, taking out trash. Amber was laundry and I don't know what else. Apparently nothing.

Dave said something about her doing the dishes after he cooked, but he had to do them the next morning.  I assume she'd said she'd do them. 

 

10 minutes ago, ChiMama said:

I swear a saw a preview once (maybe at the beginning of the season) that showed Danielle unhappy with the way Bobby was handling a dog disobedience situation -- like he was too rough, yell-y, cussing, etc. Even at the time I was thinking it was a 'reach' for the show to find some conflict to highlight to pep up their story, because it looked like a normal marital spat.

Given Danielle's dog's girth, I wonder how she handles dog disobedience.  I could see that as a source of conflict, and a big one seeing how people consider their pets to be their children.

[qtpye]

2 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Mia is full of shit. You get notified via email when you have a match if your profile is active on a dating site/app, and deleting the app doesn't deactivate a profile - that's like saying because I turned off push notifications from the CNN app, news doesn't happen. I feel SO bad for Tristan. He really needs someone in his corner. Has he had any fun with Mia since they've been married, or have her charges and lies been gnawing at his mind the whole time?

Bobby packing Danielle's lunch and snack was too cute. He's a sweet guy. (That 90-minute commute would be a complete non-starter for me, unless as a salesperson she's on the road more than she's in the office. I had that once and I was utterly miserable. I liked the work itself but the commute messed me up so much I started to hate it.)

Amber is kind of exhausting. She seems to need a lot of validation. Do you like me, do you find me attractive, am I being a good wife, and on and on. Also ... do the laundry and clean up after yourself, dude. Laundry is a pretty passive chore until you have to fold it, and even that doesn't take long. I remember her saying she wasn't interested in domestic stuff and I thought " ... huh?" I mean, you can not be interested in it all day long but you still have to do it.

 

1 hour ago, 2727 said:

Amber didn't understand that How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days was a comedy, not life advice.

 

1 hour ago, AussieBabe said:

I feel bad for him, too. You can tell he's really struggling, and it was good to see some anger surface.  However, Jessica subtly invalidated his feelings instead of letting him know that how he's feeling is valid because he feels x way. "Don't take the ring off. That's emotional blackmail." His wife constantly lying and being a master manipulator isn't OK, and it keeps getting swept under the rug. And this whole trust the process BS. They're trying to save face and prevent this from being another all divorce season. Pastor Cal wasn't any better in the Love Unlocked thing that came on before Unfiltered. They had a counselling session or something. Basically, he was like wipe the slate clean and don't even let the most tiny doubt surface where trust is concerned. Just move forward and Mia has to be consistent. Umm. Not possible when you have somebody who lies with such ease...while wearing a shirt that says, "Lord, Have Your Way With Me." Or whatever it says.

Amber is exhausting. Her self-esteem issues would make me drink. Maybe she outsources and has all of her clothing dry cleaned or has a housekeeper? You may not be domestic, but laundry still has to be done. Trash still has to be taken out. You can't let dishes pile up. I definitely don't think the housework should fall on one person. I'm just trying to figure out what she was planning on contributing to household chores. To me, that isn't "extra" stuff you do for your spouse. That's just stuff that needs to be done for basic cleanliness.

 

30 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

You can't just always clean up after just yourself when you are living with your partner. Dave and Amber had a discussion and came to an agreement on who would be doing which chores. Obviously Dave likes organization in his life. If Amber doesn't then that could be a big problem. Dave was going to handle cooking, taking out trash. Amber was laundry and I don't know what else. Apparently nothing. If she doesn't want to do his laundry and wanted to keep that separate, fine, she should have said that and then she should have chosen a different chore. Personally, I like that my hubby and I have certain things we do around the house, it keeps our life more organized. When he cooks, I clean and vice versa. I always clean the bathrooms, he always does the laundry, takes the trash out. It's not a big deal. I have more important stuff to do with my life than come home pissed off because my partner doesn't hold up their end of the deal, it would infuriate me. 

 

29 minutes ago, ChiMama said:

I swear a saw a preview once (maybe at the beginning of the season) that showed Danielle unhappy with the way Bobby was handling a dog disobedience situation -- like he was too rough, yell-y, cussing, etc. Even at the time I was thinking it was a 'reach' for the show to find some conflict to highlight to pep up their story, because it looked like a normal marital spat. And to go from happy, blissful Bobby & Danielle to Bobby being all mournful with Tristan in the previews was a weird, jarring experience. My feeling is their over-dramatizing for the sake of the show / storyline. Just keep it real, guys! Gah -- we're interested in what happens organically -- none of this set up BS!

Ditto. I found her 'excuse' to be kind of like answering "I'm a perfectionist" to the age-old "Tell me your biggest flaw" job interview question. Position a positive as the negative and you're a winner! ;)

Amber IS exhausting. Dave is getting a hard time for 'picking' at her? C'mon -- she whines and finds something to feel bad about with EVERYTHING. I think she's one of those people who aren't happy UNLESS they have some drama in their lives. "I always want A's, not C's." Wah. Then do your 'homework,' Princess! She comes off as selfish & entitled . . . I don't like her.

 Danelle/Bobby at this point is what a couple that is strong should be doing. They are both making compromises for the relationship and putting each other first. I appreciated that Bobby does not put gender qualifiers on chores despite being categorized as a southern good old boy. A good couple is stronger together then they are separate because they combine to make a solid match. In comparison, Dave/Amber bring out the worst in each other. He makes her feel insecure and unworthy and she makes him shut down and seem rigid and cold. It is still early in the experiment so who knows what will happen. I do not count Tristan and Mia as real, so no point in analyzing them.

[gonecrackers]

Amber & Dave need to quit this toxic dance; he's constantly tweaking her insecurities so she pulls back in other ways. They're both passive aggressively making each other miserable. He can live alone with his plants & she can move back to her place with self cleaning Paisley. 

Bobby's 'drama' next week will probably be how much he just can't believe how in love he is & how wonderful everything is... just. can't. deal. with. the. happiness.

Tristan isn't mulling over a move to Houston, but probably overseas somewhere he can hide from both Mia & the show.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

3 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

Amber & Dave need to quit this toxic dance; he's constantly tweaking her insecurities so she pulls back in other ways. They're both passive aggressively making each other miserable. He can live alone with his plants & she can move back to her place with self cleaning Paisley. 

Yep, that would be the best solution.

[humbleopinion]

To be fair, Danielle could just be using Southern gentleman because the show wants to categorize and have a catch phrase to describe a decent, hardworking man who is cordial and has good manners.

As the audience gets to know Bobby and sees how he treats both men and women try not to lump him with any negative stereotypes.

But you may be watching the show from a different lense.

Edited August 22, 2018 by humbleopinion