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S05.E05: Week 3: Part 2

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2 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

Oh yes Kendall is a Machiavelli.  Remember when she laid that psycho babble on Crystal?

Yes, and I remember her home town date, where we found out she and her sister each had about 2000 sq ft to do whatever creative thing struck their fancy.  Didn't the two of them have a nice long talk about visions of love and how shells, crystals and the moon pull on the tides control the weight of our being, or something like that? I think Kendall probably is smart, but also a little spoiled and maybe forcing the quirky a  bit.

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I'll never forget that scene of her speaking to her twin because - correct me if I'm wrong - but they kept splitting the screen so you never saw the two of them in the same scene together.  I honestly was like is this Kendall just playing too different parts.  LOL it was so weird.......

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8 hours ago, ljenkins782 said:

I do think [Leo]'s a good looking guy, his face quite reminds me of the late great Patrick Swazye

Really??? I don't see it at all!

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6 hours ago, Sharonana said:

Will Colton have his first orgasm in paradise just like Raven did?

Just because Colton is a virgin doesn't mean he's never had an orgasm.

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4 minutes ago, chocolatine said:

Really??? I don't see it at all!

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Just because Colton is a virgin doesn't mean he's never had an orgasm.

Lawd sweet Jesus I know that. I was just being silly. Sheesh!

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1 hour ago, chocolatine said:

Really??? I don't see it at all!

5b7f62c7b1cc3_ScreenShot2018-08-23at9_42_36PM.thumb.jpg.3e9b85805f2838445b3d87d1003d54c9.jpg

 

 

In those particular photos, no, but moving around on video, I do. But I don't get hung up on things like hair style or even skin color when I notice similarities in people. He makes certain facial expressions that are Swayze-esque and their general bone structure is similar. 

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In still photos, Leo is quite handsome.  But on video, something about the way he carries himself, the way he tosses his hair around, makes me dislike him a lot - he seems very arrogant, and much less good-looking.  

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Do we need Wells there anymore?  Jordan seems to be the one doing the play-by-plays and chatting everyone up about how the feel.  And all Yuki says is "Colton and Tia kissed".  Wow, it's so important you are there.  

Raven still needs to cut her fucking hair.  She said that joke about the penis virginity and either they edited Tia's response or she did not have one.  THAT WAS FUNNY.

Lauren was so cringe-worthy.  All of that segment was but especially her.

 

The only thing that saved the show was Venmo John showing Chelsea what a "snicker" was.

Edited by IDreamofJoaquin
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Leo and Benoit both bother me with their practiced and intense stares.  Leo comes across as a guy who fancies himself as a hot ladies man.  To me Benoit is worse, because he strikes me as a stalker who cannot take no for an answer. 

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Ok, I think we're all getting played. They are setting Grocery Joe up for TB and have been all along. He is way too good-looking on TV to not know it. And they know it. It has to be an act. They are creating our next "Fan-Favorite!!" by having him finally "open up" and "put himself out there" only to have his heart broken after choosing the nice girl, that most fans generally like. This has to be set up.

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10 minutes ago, BiteTheLime said:

Ok, I think we're all getting played. They are setting Grocery Joe up for TB and have been all along. He is way too good-looking on TV to not know it. And they know it. It has to be an act. They are creating our next "Fan-Favorite!!" by having him finally "open up" and "put himself out there" only to have his heart broken after choosing the nice girl, that most fans generally like. This has to be set up.

I don’t think Bachelor producers could have predicted how popular Joe was going to be with fans of the show and I kinda doubt he wants to be the Bachelor. There is so much focus on Colton that he is more likely their man for the job.

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I beg to differ,  comosedice! TPTB have given Grocery Joe the lovelorn tortoise edit,  while Colton has been the loved-up  hare. 

Now,  maybe Colton was to be the next "Bachelor" in the original* plan,  but TPTB came to see more immediate TV value in the Tia storyline and are going with it. 

If, after Becca and Tia, Colton is made "Bachelor," two things will have happened: Tia lost her damn mind; and TPTB have lost theirs. Never mind "Sloppy Segundos"; Colton would be "Tacky Tercios"! 

*Jordan has flamed out,  becoming a Beautiful Disaster (tm Kelly Clarkson). Nobody puts Baby Bear in the ocean!

*Chris is a Never Was,  because...Goose? At least be a Gander,  man!

*Kenny? You're no Idris Elba! Do I expect you to be the next "Bachelor"? No,  Mr.  Layne; I expect you to LEAVE!

*Leo the Lyin' is there to put the brakes on any chance Kendall has of taxiderming Joe.  

*John has "Dad" jokes. Confuses being lame for having game!

*Benoit there,  done that. 

*The rest of the horses are so dark,  they're on the other side of the Moon!

Topic: I liked seeing Arie again!

Edited by LennieBriscoe
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On 8/23/2018 at 6:37 AM, JudyObscure said:

 Actually I don't find any man in paradise particularly attractive this year and that includes Joe, but I wont go into detail about that because I'm afraid of you guys.

Everyone seems to be crowded in the large conference room for the Joe is beautiful convention. I’m sitting at the almost empty hotel bar agreeing with you completely. Come join me for drinks. Jorge is hiding out here too and he puts a tiny umbrella in whatever you order. 

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42 minutes ago, ramble said:

Everyone seems to be crowded in the large conference room for the Joe is beautiful convention. I’m sitting at the almost empty hotel bar agreeing with you completely. Come join me for drinks. Jorge is hiding out here too and he puts a tiny umbrella in whatever you order. 

Haha. I’ll join you two—and Jorge. I really don’t understand the overwhelming Joe love. He’s handsome enough, but he seems very dim-witted. I wish I knew who said it and in which thread to quote and give full credit, but tipping my hat to whichever PTV poster said that he’s obviously smart enough to figure out which vendor will give him the best prices on produce, but that would pretty much take up the full extent of his brain power. There’s no sparkling, deep, intellectual, or interesting conversations to be had with this guy. I mean now he’s been relegated to the Nick role of giggling at Jordan. I mean, I guess if you’re about the “strong and silent type” then Joe is the guy for you. Personally, I’d take a John or a Wills. Hell, throw Kenny in there too, now that he schooled the girl who came and went (so I forgot her name already) on which Poe story fit her analogy.

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2 hours ago, ramble said:
On 8/23/2018 at 7:37 AM, JudyObscure said:

 Actually I don't find any man in paradise particularly attractive this year and that includes Joe, but I wont go into detail about that because I'm afraid of you guys.

Everyone seems to be crowded in the large conference room for the Joe is beautiful convention. I’m sitting at the almost empty hotel bar agreeing with you completely. Come join me for drinks. Jorge is hiding out here too and he puts a tiny umbrella in whatever you order. 

I keep thinking I'm missing something, so I went and looked at all the photo's i could find of this godlike Joe. Still don't get it.  He just looks like a typical nice Italian boy.  Being from New Haven I could trip over half a dozen Joe's at any bar downtown. Nothing special about him at all beyond he's not a creeper. He is literally your Average Joe. lol

I get that the bar is set VERY low for this show, but I just don't see anything special about him at all. He even looked like about 4 of the other guys on Becca's season. He's just kind of blends in for me. So much so that I have to keep looking at pics of him to remind myself who he is. He doesn't stand out in any way other than the fact he inexplicably (to me) has some kind of cult following. 

I always understand that everyone has different physical attractions but it is always curious to me when so many people seem to gravitate towards someone and I just can't see it. Usually I can kind of objectively get it, like I can objectively understand that Colton is a good looking man even if I'm not at all attracted to him. But Joe is just so average to me that I don't get what made him jump ahead of all the similar looking guys on Becca's season. 

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13 hours ago, BiteTheLime said:

Ok, I think we're all getting played. They are setting Grocery Joe up for TB and have been all along

I just read an interview with Chris Harrison and he is pushing hard for Ben H.   They also set up Jason by letting him talk so much during the Men Tell All show and prompting the faux tears about Becca.   And look at all the air time Colton is getting.   

1 hour ago, JenE4 said:

There’s no sparkling, deep, intellectual, or interesting conversations to be had with this guy. I mean now he’s been relegated to the Nick role of giggling at Jordan. I mean, I guess if you’re about the “strong and silent type” then Joe is the guy for you. Personally, I’d take a John or a Wills

I may have missed it while getting up to refill my wine glass many times over the years, but I don't think I've ever heard a "sparkling, deep, intellectual, or interesting" conversation on BIP.    :-)      

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2 hours ago, JenE4 said:

Haha. I’ll join you two—and Jorge. I really don’t understand the overwhelming Joe love. He’s handsome enough, but he seems very dim-witted. I wish I knew who said it and in which thread to quote and give full credit, but tipping my hat to whichever PTV poster said that he’s obviously smart enough to figure out which vendor will give him the best prices on produce, but that would pretty much take up the full extent of his brain power. There’s no sparkling, deep, intellectual, or interesting conversations to be had with this guy. 

Yes this exactly! Decent looking, seems nice but this guy would have a hard time carrying an entire season of Bach IMO 

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On 8/22/2018 at 6:06 PM, RealitytvLover said:

First of all, wtf is a 'blue' diamond? Lolol

Blue diamonds are gorgeous!  The Hope Diamond is a blue diamond.

 

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While I don’t think he’s drop dead gorgeous, I’d pick John out of that crew. Aren’t they all gold digging and fame hungry? John has serious earning potential, plus the reality fame part!

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26 minutes ago, Ynicknan said:

While I don’t think he’s drop dead gorgeous, I’d pick John out of that crew. Aren’t they all gold digging and fame hungry? John has serious earning potential, plus the reality fame part!

Definitely fame hungry. They don’t seem bright enough to be gold diggers (I’m sure most of these people have wealthy fans that would gladly date them in real life. But then they couldn’t come on this show and promote flat tummy tea on instagram). 

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I really think that the t.v. relationship with Tia is hurting Colton's chances of being the Bachelor.  He comes across very much as not really knowing what he wants, and Tia is directing the relationship which show Colton as more of a supporting cast member than a lead of a show.  Had the producers allowed him to go home after Becca's visit, it may have been a better set-up for him.  However, with this off and on thing with Tia it's more wishy washy and leads into will he even stay with his final pick for more than a day if he is the Bachelor.

Although Joe isn't dominating the storyline, he has been shown in a pretty positive light.  Ben just seems desperate with his role in Jorge's 'romance novel.'  Then again, if Ben is willing to do stuff like that, he's willing to do whatever the producers want.

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40 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

with this off and on thing with Tia it's more wishy washy and leads into will he even stay with his final pick for more than a day if he is the Bachelor.

But, at that point they don't really care... I'm sure they probably see "The Most Emotional Season Evar" with Colton as the lead as he continues to be tortured about making decisions and find his inner gay self, one flippy floppy decision after another.

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On 8/22/2018 at 10:39 AM, Jaclyn88 said:

He actually looks and reminds me of denis the menace

HAHAHAA! I actually find Jordan entertaining but he is like Dennis the Menace. :) I looked at his Instagram and Jordan has some schmexy shots (I posted one in the Media thread), he can really look hot when he is not acting so goofy.

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On 8/25/2018 at 4:16 AM, ramble said:

Everyone seems to be crowded in the large conference room for the Joe is beautiful convention. I’m sitting at the almost empty hotel bar agreeing with you completely. Come join me for drinks. Jorge is hiding out here too and he puts a tiny umbrella in whatever you order. 

Get a larger table, I will join you both.  

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49 minutes ago, LuvMyShows said:

And I am buying drinks for all of us!

I will order the charcuterie plate! 

Edited by Wings
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We may have to meet this way again if Ben H is the next bach.  We will have to rent a Hilton Ballroom to hold the crowd, though. 

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Like with Colton, if they stupidly try to make Ben happen again, I'm out for the season.  Either one as next lead guarantees I'm spending my Monday nights at Netflix.  

The only time so far they've given the Bachelor to somebody that went on Paradise was Ick Vile.  And despite them constantly trying to make him happen, he's still the loser he always was.  Thankfully he just stays under his rock until some random & obscure podcast is desperate for a has-been.  

Colton as new Bachelor would have him on 3 consecutive shows.  I still don't think that will happen.  Never has before, but I guess that's no guarantee.  It is however, overkill. 

Edited by leighdear
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8 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Colton as new Bachelor would have him on 3 consecutive shows.  I still don't think that will happen.  Never has before, but I guess that's no guarantee.  It is however, overkill. 

Unfortunately I think this is why signs point to Colton. All the time they've spent on him here and he will be "heartbroken" twice by that time, unsure of him himself (read: drama) and a virgin. It's total overkill and exactly the way they like it it seems. Ugh.

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6 minutes ago, Wandering Snark said:

Unfortunately I think this is why signs point to Colton. All the time they've spent on him here and he will be "heartbroken" twice by that time, unsure of him himself (read: drama) and a virgin. It's total overkill and exactly the way they like it it seems. Ugh.

I agree, since, when I heard Jasons's name recently it took quite a while to remember who he was. (he's Becca's runner up, right?) I think they are really building Colton's storyline more than anyone. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole Colton/Tia crapfest was to paint him as more of a victim, making us want him to have a chance to find someone he loves, rather than being strongarmed by gross Tia. 

Despite Joe's large following, he's not really gotten a storyline here in Paradise (that word does not mean what they think it means, cause this place is far from paradise). I suppose they could do something with Kendall dumping him for Gross Leo, so he still has a chance. I just don't think he can carry the show, so they will have to cast some serious crazy to make their show. 

The only other option I see, sadly, is Ben H since they dug him up from the Bachelor Graveyard and paraded him in paradise for no reason whatsoever, beyond reminding us he exists, and he is a very obedient little trained monkey who will probably work for free (just wants to be on TV) so he's perfect for production. Ugh. 

I really don't like any of these options. 

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I really hope Ben h isnt the bachelor again. Didn't care for him the first time around. A second time is just dumb and boring. Didn't Lauren leave him bevaoed he really did not want to get married?  I can barely remember who Jason is at this point... And Colton as the bachelor. Yes he's conventially good looking has a nice smile nice body etc but the whole stuttering and the virgin thing... I just don't see an army of women lining up to "marry" him.  I can't even figure out why Tia is so into him aside from maybe she thinks if she's his first piece of ass he will love her indefinitely and not cheat. Sorry I've known plenty of women who are their partners first sexual experience and the majority of them cheated same as the non virgins. I personally think Colton is not a fan of women lol. 

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1 hour ago, kira28 said:

I can't even figure out why Tia is so into him aside from maybe she thinks if she's his first piece of ass he will love her indefinitely and not cheat.

Tia is sad and desperate and probably sees Colton as her pass to what passes for fame in bachelor nation, apparently rightly so judging by the amount of screen time they are sucking up.  Was she the one who was cheated on and attacked the guy with a stiletto, or was that the other Shame of the Ozarks, Raven? IDK, their classlessness blends together for me. If so, I could see her wanting a basically neutered lap dog as a boyfriend/fiancé/husband. 

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1 hour ago, Mabinogia said:

Was she the one who was cheated on and attacked the guy with a stiletto, or was that the other Shame of the Ozarks, Raven?

"Shame of the Ozarks."  Love it!  I believe that was Raven.

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3 hours ago, kira28 said:

I really hope Ben h isnt the bachelor again. Didn't care for him the first time around. A second time is just dumb and boring. Didn't Lauren leave him bevaoed he really did not want to get married?  

Ugh, I hope Ben's not going to be a repeat Bachelor. Who knows what really happens in these relationships, but yeah, that was the story they pushed on that incredibly stupid spin-off show they did, which I hate myself for watching. 

I can imagine that Lauren was also not that eager to get married, beyond having a fancy paid TV wedding and making money off shilling wedding stuff on Instagram. She seemed more into the perks of quasi-fame than into Ben, and I think he was too. He comes across as the kind of famewhore that pretends not to be into that stuff, yet will turn up to the opening of an envelope if invited. Case in point, that ridiculous cameo on BiP. 

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6 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

I agree, since, when I heard Jasons's name recently it took quite a while to remember who he was. (he's Becca's runner up, right?) I think they are really building Colton's storyline more than anyone. 

Despite Joe's large following, he's not really gotten a storyline here in Paradise. I just don't think he can carry the show, so they will have to cast some serious crazy to make their show. 

The only other option I see, sadly, is Ben H since they dug him up from the Bachelor Graveyard.

I really don't like any of these options. 

Eric for bachelor!!!  I've been hoping that's why they brought him to Paradise, but he's getting almost zero storyline.  He impressed me with how he calmly and firmly called out Jordan about his tirade.  He's got looks and personality, and eventually they'll get around to having an AA bachelor.

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I just cannot find Leo attractive.  When I first saw him get out of the limo on Becca's season, I visibly cringed. I was certain that she would send him home, but he ended up lasting a lot longer than I thought.  Personality-wise, he was okay on Becca's season, but he is just an a** on Paradise.  If he wants to make out with a bunch of women, that is totally okay, but he should do the honorable thing and let Kendall know that he isn't serious about her yet. She is clearly smitten with him and is already seeing a future with him while he just sees her as a potential notch on his belt.  They are definitely not on the same page.  The only good thing that came out of this drama with Leo is that Kendall's true colors finally showed up.  Joe can now see that she has no trouble tossing away a blossoming relationship for another man just based on looks alone. Kendall is just as shallow as any of them.  

 

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I keep forgetting that Eric is even there. I'd totally take him as Bachelor, but yeah, they're definitely not giving him the edit for it.

I can't even put my finger on what it is that I dislike so much about Colton, but I just cannot stand that guy. I definitely can't take an entire season of him as the Bachelor. The tearful conversation with Raven and Tia seemed to come out of nowhere, but I do think Raven was right that Colton just doesn't seem overwhelmingly into Tia; he kind of just seems to be coasting along.

I like Joe fine - he's cute enough and seems like a fairly decent guy, but I don't totally get the overwhelming love for him either. Mostly he just seems fine. I was kind of into Joe and Kendall for a while there, I think just because they strike me as the most calm, normal people there (along with maybe Eric and Kenny), but there's not much spark between them, which I feel like you could say for everyone this season. 

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10 hours ago, Meowwww said:

Ben H did nothing for me.  I would be so unhappy if he was the bachelor again.  He is boring.  

I thought he was a good bachelor (the role is surprisingly difficult to handle). But since then he’s down a show with Lauren, been on Winter Games, and had that horrible cameo on BIP. People won’t see him as genuine this time around. 

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21 hours ago, Wings said:

We may have to meet this way again if Ben H is the next bach.  We will have to rent a Hilton Ballroom to hold the crowd, though. 

I’m thinking we would need Wembly Stadium.  Fucking Ben.  

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This show has so many fake-out moments we see in previews, I never trust what's filmed and edited.  We've seen teasers of handcuffs snapped on wrists, ambulances screamiong away from the beach, hysterical wailing, and other supposed occurances, but never actually see them in the show. 

I think Joe could take Leo.  He just has to get a good handful of hair, and Leo would be sobbing like an 8-year old girl.  

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On 8/26/2018 at 2:58 PM, kira28 said:

And Colton as the bachelor. Yes he's conventially good looking has a nice smile nice body etc but the whole stuttering and the virgin thing... I just don't see an army of women lining up to "marry" him.  I can't even figure out why Tia is so into him

So funny since pretty much no one goes on this show, not since season 1, to "marry" anyone. It's so they can move to LA and become a D-Lister. As for why Tia is so "into" Colton, that's the script TPTB gave her so she could pursue her own D-Lister fame for a few weeks longer. It's pretty easy to figure out IMO.

It's pretty sad when this franchise has to keep rerunning past contestants, like we're all too dumb to accept anyone FRESH and NEW. If they want to bring back Higgins, why not just bring Brad Womack back again, or Nick V., and get it over with.

My money is on Colton as next Bach. TPTB are waiting to see how BIP plays out with "Bachelor Nation" before they announce the "winner." Otherwise, the announcement would have been made during ATFR. JMHO, of course.

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I have never been so head over heels for any Bachelor or Bachelorette candidate as I am for Joe. From the moment they showed his introduction on Becca's season, my teenage daughter and I were in love.....not just his gorgeous looks but his adorable personality. That scene with him and Jordan laughing over the romance novel reenactment was pure GOLD. Best scene in BIP history!

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