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S05.E03: Week 2: Part 2

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Whether or not Yuki knows more  English than she lets on, and I think she does,  her main thing is to bubble and squeak and act like a little girl.  If any of these guys try to hook up with her he'll  definitely get the side eye from me.

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1 hour ago, TheFinalRose said:

Actually, when she came to Winter Games there was press stating she did not know English. I think the producers skipped paying for her translator during filming because her cute, wide-eyed ignorance was better TV.  I did like Colton's "I'm not doing this" face when she tried to talk to him.

That would make sense.  I didn't watch the Winter Games, so I missed that.  

I still don't buy it though....*LOL*

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I know the big joke with a lot of people during this seasons Bachelorette was that Blake came off as a bit unhinged (which I didnt really think), but I have no idea how he could be considered the weirdo in any room that also has Chris in it. Blake could be intense and awkward, but Chris straight up seems creepy to me. Like the kind of guy the cops bust into his house one day to find an enormous manifesto about how he is gods gift to women written on the walls with an old VHS of From Justin to Kelly crackling nonstop in the background on a cop show. He is just such a dick, who is so convinced that he isnt a dick, which is, in fact, one of the worst kinds of dicks there is. 

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31 minutes ago, tennisgurl said:

Like the kind of guy the cops bust into his house one day to find an enormous manifesto about how he is gods gift to women written on the walls with an old VHS of From Justin to Kelly crackling nonstop in the background on a cop show. He is just such a dick, who is so convinced that he isnt a dick, which is, in fact, one of the worst kinds of dicks there is. 

From Justin to Kelly. Teehee. So random but so hysterical. 

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I actually enjoyed the Bachelor Winter Games.  The best of it was the cute  couple from  New Zealand and Australia who came to America and did a RV road trip through the southwest. Can't remember their names , but they were really sweet and seemed very happy to have found each other.  There doesn't seem to much love for Yuki on this site, I was hoping she'd find a wonderful,sweet guy who'd be a match for her sweet personality. 

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8 hours ago, saber5055 said:

 John saying he was in Scouts until college moved me to the front of the Venmo John Train, which I already was on. That was a super cool thing for him to admit, since boys get teased no end (it's called "bullied" these days) when they continue in Boy Scouts after they age out of Cub Scouts. That says a lot about his respect for himself and what HE wants, not what he is "suppose" to do if he wants to hang with the "popular" crowd. Which is why he's successful and articulate today, something a few of us here have noticed. 

There's Chris, who is the typical macho jerk guy found in every local bar, and there's Venmo John, who was a Scout until college. Which one do you want to spend time with, much less the rest of your life. It's a no brainer for me.

I was in Scouts until there weren't enough kids to fill a troop, so it was dissolved. It was a sad day in my life. Scouting was one of the best things ever. Kids who are strong enough to withstand being oddballs and called "queer" do end up being strong, successful and self-assured when they grow up. Venmo John for the win! (Whatever the "win" is on BIP.)

I wish there was a stronger way of expressing how much I loved your post. Every guy I've ever met who was an Eagle Scout has been a completely stand-up guy. They may have had other flaws, but the determination they had at the age of 16 served them well in their self-confidence and self-calibration to do the right thing later in life.  It makes me (possibly irrationally) upset that John either (a) feels the need to go on one of these shows in order to find someone or (b) may have some latent famewh*re tendencies. 

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1 hour ago, kazza said:

John either (a) feels the need to go on one of these shows in order to find someone or (b) may have some latent famewh*re tendencies. 

Maybe there's a badge for that .. the Famewhore Badge. LOL! Thanks for your kind words, and sorry for the bad joke. I hope we get to see more of Venmo John, and learn more too. He and Jubilee are the best couple ever. Although the season is young and that could change, I'm sorry to say.

1 hour ago, One4Sorrow2TooBad said:

The best of it was the cute  couple from  New Zealand and Australia who came to America and did a RV road trip through the southwest.

YES! Those two were the absolute BEST. Every once in a while this franchise throws viewers a bone. Or a rose.

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9 hours ago, deSchenke said:

I don't care if Yuki knows English or not.  It's that awful voice!  It sounds like a sick goose honking.

If you didn't see Winter Games you have no idea the ear piercing sound of that comes from Yuki when crying. I can still here it ringing in my ears. I'm glad she's not there "looking for a boy" because I can't take another time hearing that noise.

Edited by Wandering Snark · Reason: A link for people to "enjoy"
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On 8/14/2018 at 6:40 PM, In2You said:

She was not on Paradise last year. That was two years ago. Jasmine was on Paradise last year. They don't even look alike.

I was so scared Jasmine would be back and I was going to throw my TV out the window if I had to hear her say "slimy snake" again.

My post is going to just be a combination of both episodes this week because it takes me a few days to watch all four hours of this show.

 

Now some couples are starting to get some footing and I like Venmo John and Jubilee together.   I was so glad he got a rose and to see creepy Nick go home and then Wills who thought he would show his personality this season and clearly didn't.  I noticed his waddle butt in his swim shorts (another poster had mentioned this during the Bachlorette) and now it's gone forever.

Jenna and Jordan are very good for each other.  I also don't remember Jenna but she seems fun.    I also like Kendall and Joe but am not sure how that would realistically work outside the show. But that's okay.  Kendall is so fun and vibrant.  I like how Joe wanted to propose a toast and she's like "to what!!" like the obvious answer would be to them.

I know they had a hand in Bibiana giving Colton a rose but I feel like she is going to be the Alexis of this season.....kind of just there being friendly and then no one will be keeping her on to stay.  

Am I the only one who likes David?

Annalise, grow a backbone girl!  If a guy tells you he will keep you if the girl he likes doesn't end up liking him walk away and then go cut his bangs off in the middle of the night. 

 

I had to look up Taylor and Derek from last season.  It looks like they just recently split up.  

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I imagione that Venmo John went to his buddies in the Nerd Nation & they encouraged him into going on a FREE Mexican vacation he'd get PAID for, with plenty of ALCOHOL and LOOSE WOMEN available for shenanigans. 

Really, would he ever live it down in his world if he had refused?  No way.  Those guys rarely get those opportunities. 

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Am I the only person who thinks Jubilee looks like a black Miley Cyrus? I hadn't noticed the resemblance last time I saw her on BIP but it struck me this week (with the caveat IMHO that she is MUCH more attractive than Miley ... I just oddly see it and now can't unsee it)

BTW, just watched the season premiere of Are You The One? on MTV and that crew makes this crew look completely sane and drama-free.

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6 hours ago, IDreamofJoaquin said:

I noticed his waddle butt in his swim shorts (another poster had mentioned this during the Bachlorette) and now it's gone forever.

That was me! ; )

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On 8/15/2018 at 5:24 PM, NoWhammies said:

A few times I've noticed Jordan shows a really good sense of humor - where I think he's deliberately being funny, which makes me suspect he may actually be smarter than I give him credit for. If that's the case, it's likely he's crafting his persona to some extent into a character he thinks plays well. Of course, I could be completely wrong and he could just be an inadvertently funny dolt, too.

I feel the same way, especially seeing him in Paradise. He's started to remind me of Schmidt from New Girl. Unfortunately when he's around idiots like Chris he goes too far into his "bro" persona, he needs some weirdo friends like Schmidt had in that show to tamp down those tendencies haha.

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Did Jordan really tell Annalise she was his second choice? His backburner if you will? I mean, it's not like they were in a commited relationship or even lose and hey, this is why they are in Paradise, right? But puleeeeeez. There should have been some kind of feelings. Other than weepyness. I feel like she is going to be the new Sarah, I already feel like I am getting "Sarah Vibes from her. 

 

Chris is hella creepy. I wouldn't accept anything edible from him. Ever. (Edit: I meant chicken man, not Chris, they're both birds...soooo?) hehe

 

Yuki seems to have a thing for frat boy types from Colorado. 

Edited by Gemini Gipsy
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12 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

I'm glad she's not there "looking for a boy" because I can't take another time hearing that noise.

Thanks for reminding everyone of this. Or rather, no thanks. But the clip did remind me that everyone seemed to very much like Yuki so I guess that says something about her personality, "bubble and squeak" (tm Judy Obsure) aside. That clip also had a shocking close up of Ashley I's face, and holy cats, it was pure plastic, frightening to say the least. No one is born with a mannequin face like that.

Edited by saber5055
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1 hour ago, saber5055 said:

That clip also had a shocking close up of Ashley I's face, and holy cats, it was pure plastic, frightening to say the least. No one is born with a mannequin face like that.

That was like the union of two 'great' criers when the two hugged I thought it might endanger the very fabric of  the universe! And as we've seen with Ashley's suitcase o makeup she's never far from her cosmetics!

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17 hours ago, Ohwell said:

I loved From Justin to Kelly.  Without Kelly.  (My UO is that Justin shoulda won.)  ; )

l’il Sweet!  I love Justin.

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44 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

I loved From Justin to Kelly.  Without Kelly.  (My UO is that Justin shoulda won.)  ; )

I'm guessing my opinion is not THAT unpopular since "getting Tamyra'd" is an AI-TWOP/PTV verb.

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On Monday when Tia reaches into Chris' shorts, grabs his scrotum, and pulls it over his head, how much do you think ABC will show?

I think we can at least get Chris curled into a ball as Tia runs laughing along the beach, holding up a tactfully blurred object as if it's the Stanley Cup.

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I think Jordan is insanely funny and is totally in on the joke.  I have absolutely no idea how he makes these ridiculous statements and doesn’t laugh - and yes, I watched him on Becca’s season and loved him there too.  Oh my gosh, the Caroline step-mom description!  That was rough.  I could tell he had to force giving a rat’s ass about David, feigning anger and throwing the cake...clearly, he didn’t care and that was bad acting. I find his presence on the show absolutely necessary or else it would be a total bore.  He was doing Annalise a favor by telling her about Jenna because he knows she wants to stay on the show - I was impressed- but the mistake was to say that if something happens, he’ll give her the rose so....did she run to David and say hey, you hateJordan, go screw with Jenna so that Jordan will give me a rose?  The way the show was edited, it looked like things were happening at the same time, but I can’t be sure.  

Oh, and Jordan was most definitely humoring “Goose” at the end there.... so hysterical... he wants to make sure that train happens., what did he say?  “You’re killing it our there!  Paradise is like a loaf of bread, and you’re like chomp chomp chomp” - was this a veiled joke about eating yeast/p?!sy?  I died.  Dude is on point with these jokes.  Then with the goose mating calls?!?  I rewound and watched that whole Chris/Jordan part 3 times I was laughing so hard.  Jordan knows what he is doing, and he is good at it.  

(Oh, and the Who Moved My Cheese conversation was amazing - for those who haven’t read it - it’s sort of like Darwinism for Dummies - a quick read that should be required in school.)

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1 hour ago, lampwick said:

(Oh, and the Who Moved My Cheese conversation was amazing - for those who haven’t read it - it’s sort of like Darwinism for Dummies - a quick read that should be required in school.)

Anyone who's been laid off from a job in the past 20 years has probably heard of that book or even received it from their employer.  They even made a cartoon video based on the book.   I wasn't laid off but I was a temp in a company that called a meeting where they passed out the book and showed the video.  The look on peoples' faces when they began to realize that they'd been laid off was heartbreaking.  It reminded me of that movie Up in the Air with George Clooney, whose job was to tell people that they'd been laid off.

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22 hours ago, saber5055 said:

Maybe there's a badge for that .. the Famewhore Badge. 

Oh man, LOL, this opens up so many possibilities. The Bro Badge. The Wrong Reasons Badge. The Producer Plant Badge. Collect them all!

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On August 15, 2018 at 4:42 PM, backformore said:

Yeah, that's what I remembered too, but I wasn't sure about posting it because I thought it might be wrong.  we haven't seen the two of them interact much, and they were probably as much of a "couple" as Tia and Colton.

 

And I have to add - Kevin looks handsome from one angle, and like a frickin' Neanderthal from another angle.  I can't figure it out.    Chris, on the other hand, is pretty ugly no matter what.  something about his face looks villainous to me. 

Kevin has a 6-head and a high hairline. In a hat he's hot, but otherwise he looks just like a character actor who often plays a psycho (haven't figured out the name yet).  

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4 hours ago, lampwick said:

Brian Thompson - from the movie Cobra?

No. It's an actor with the same color hair and iffy hairline.  He often plays a grinning bad guy. 

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On 8/16/2018 at 2:37 PM, deSchenke said:

I don't care if Yuki knows English or not.  It's that awful voice!  It sounds like a sick goose honking.

Well then, she should hook up with The Goose and those two completely annoying people can fly out of paradise together. 

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3 hours ago, RedheadZombie said:

No. It's an actor with the same color hair and iffy hairline.  He often plays a grinning bad guy. 

How about Walton Goggins: The Shield, Justified, Sons of Anarchy, The Hateful Eight among tons of others. He has a six head.

waltonGoggins.jpg.5c1e58c1e40a7fd238e70768455ae370.jpg

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37 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

How about Walton Goggins: The Shield, Justified, Sons of Anarchy, The Hateful Eight among tons of others. He has a six head.

waltonGoggins.jpg.5c1e58c1e40a7fd238e70768455ae370.jpg

That's it!!  Thank you!

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I remember Jenna from Aries season. I coukd be wrong but she may have won the demolition derby competition that Annalise had her ptsd from bumper car trauma. Jenna was very pretty kind of spacey but she and are had no chemistry. Annalise needs to stop moping. None fo the women are here to get married or find love. They want to become the next Amanda Stanton or jade on Instagram so they land more paid ad gigs. I was never a Kenny fan but he seems like a decent guy at least compared to what's on that beach lobut I can't imagine what Krystal sees in Chris aside from a way that she can stick it to tia. Which is OK in my book! 

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5 minutes ago, kira28 said:

I remember Jenna from Aries season. I coukd be wrong but she may have won the demolition derby competition that Annalise had her ptsd from bumper car trauma. Jenna was very pretty kind of spacey but she and are had no chemistry. Annalise needs to stop moping. None fo the women are here to get married or find love. They want to become the next Amanda Stanton or jade on Instagram so they land more paid ad gigs. I was never a Kenny fan but he seems like a decent guy at least compared to what's on that beach lobut I can't imagine what Krystal sees in Chris aside from a way that she can stick it to tia. Which is OK in my book! 

I watched this week’s episodes out of order. I can’t believe how well Colton handled getting ganged up on by Chris, Jordan, and Nick. I know everyone harps on Colton breaking down and “auditioning” for The Bachelor later in the episode, but we glossed over that ambush that was total BS. It was none of those guys business what was going on between Colton and Tia, except Chris wanted Tia and was threatened by Colton. That conversation later between Chris and Jordan was disgusting and shows Chris is WAY worse than Colton. Colton was confused and honest, Chris was actively trying to play all the girls like a sleazeball and Jordan was right there encouraging him just because they’re friends. I hope those three get called out for the douche bags they all are (Nick left early but it’s pretty clear he’s a founding member of the Douche Crew). 

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On 8/15/2018 at 9:46 AM, Rainsong said:

Bachelor In Paradise’s Emotionally Needy Girl Oh God My Clock Is Ticking Like A Subwoofer Psychodrama approach, by comparison, will resemble an 1890 ice cream social complete with straw boaters and high-button shoes if the BIP crew don’t up their game. 

 

I read this description to Mr Luv, and he laughed out loud at the first part.  I loved the second part because of the extreme old-fashionedness imagery.

On 8/15/2018 at 11:31 AM, leighdear said:

It's a crazy mix of not enough time to waste, yet not enough time to really get to know somebody.  It needs to just stay a sweaty, salty, pretty people hook-up show.  

The only reason I watch this show, is so that when the season is over, I will know what has happened in the Bachelor universe, especially if one of them ends up getting the Bach/ette role.  I don't care about watching endlessly shifting hook-ups.  However, I genuinely enjoyed Bachelor Pad because there was a point, and it was also interesting to see what the competitions revealed about people.  

On 8/15/2018 at 11:41 AM, Ms Blue Jay said:

Grocery Store Joe is just extremely beautiful.  It's incredibly disarming.  The guy should be in movies. 

For the life of me, I just don't see it...to me, he has that "hit in the face too many times" look, like some boxers have.

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On 8/15/2018 at 9:02 AM, MV713 said:

sadly I must admit to watching a previous show with similar accolades - Paradise Hotel.  I also am not recalling another similar show as well.

Temptation Island! Omg it was the best. My mom and I used to watch it together. Go Charla! 

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23 hours ago, RealitytvLover said:

Temptation Island! Omg it was the best. My mom and I used to watch it together. Go Charla! 

I know there have to be at least a few people on this thread, possibly with different screen names (like myself, mainly because I first created one under my old name here on PTV then couldn't remember my password so just created new one, not because I wanted anonymity) or possibly my poor swiss-cheese-hole-filled brain is just not remembering them, who, like me, were addicted as much to the TWoP thread for both Paradise Hotel and Temptation Island as we were to the show ... the "likes" on my subtle call-out on a post here leads me to believe others remember the good old days of Charla and Dave and fans who sent them roses. And crazy bug-eyed "Yahtzee" Toni! 

Now that there's a TV network devoted solely to reruns of old game shows, why-oh-why is there not a similar reality show network? I know I'd love to be able to re-bingewatch Temptation Island, Paradise Hotel, the old Bs and Bettes (the MeredIan season especially) and Bips and, especially, Show Biz Moms and Dads and Toddlers and Tiaras!!!!! (Though I think one of our kind and benificent PTV lords might tear his hair out before he'd allow it since he did give us a time out on one of those threads ... T&T I THINK but maybe SBMaD) ... I still have my Shane Klingensmith: Big in Belgium T-shirt. 

I'm gonna go off now and Google the Nutters ... ETA: Well, THAT didn't take long! https://www.stowetoday.com/this_week/theater/brigadoon-reappears/article_6a8143c2-72e9-11e7-abd1-97ad81068d3e.html

Edited by PamelaMaeSnap · Reason: clarification
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Producers drag Becca in to talk Colton back into the journey. If this were anyone else, they’d go in for the tears and hope the person self-eliminates for the dramatic moment, but they pinned their big season’s storyline on Colton.

Oh, no, Annaliese already thinks she’s marrying Jordan—but here comes Jenna with burlesque music playing. Huh, this girl thinks she’s an alien?!? I don’t remember her at all. Was this a storyline on Arie’s season? Annaliese looks like she’s old enough to be Jenna’s mother, so she’s getting traded in for a newer model for sure.  The close-up of Annaliese just nodding and blinking for 15 seconds straight—malfunction! Malfunction!

Oh, dear, Annaliese is STILL telling everyone she’s marrying Jordan WHILE he’s on the date that everyone else thinks he had love at first site with. Move over, Tia! We got a new you. Colton, you can go home after all. You guys are old news! Annaliese-Jordan-Jenna is where it’s at! Jordan tells Annaliese they have no connection compared to Jenna, but you’ll get my pity rose if Jenna dumps me tomorrow—challenge accepted to break them up, I guess.

Producers make Chicken David bring birthday—cinnamon rolls? Oh, I guess these are individual desserts—to Jenna to keep the rivalry going. Then they nudge Jordan over to join them. Jordan gives his pensive look that turns into his Clint Eastwood. The cake plate is this season’s picture frame. Jordan is Mr Rodgers, which I guess makes Harrison Mr. McFeely what with his speedy delivery of final roses and date cards.

Eric and Angela!! Didn’t see that coming.

Caroline has some high-anxiety going on—with the nervous bladder. She doesn’t even know how to go to the bathroom. “Just walk there.” Oh, wow. She’s been on TV before...apparently. I don’t remember her. But she should understand that they’re allowed bathroom breaks—I would assume. Maybe they’re not and need the bathroom pass like in school. Caroline and John share cooties and a date.

Annaliese is desperate and is ready to beg ANY of these guys to marry her, as if her only chance of finding a husband is in Paradise. But maybe she acts this way on all dates and just scares guys off.

“You know what they say, ‘There’s no love without war.’” That is NOT what they say, Jubilee, but she’s going to battle with Caroline over John. Ok, now Jordan is old news and John is the new-Jordan/new-Colton. Finally someone worth fighting over! Huzzah for the smart, sweet guys! Jubilee slayed and won this battle. I’m shipping Jubilee and John as BIP couple of the season.

Kenny’s got some sliced strawberries and some candles, and he’s ready for romance. Kenny is Here for the Most Purest Reasons, which is even better than Right Reasons—but Krystal is friend-zoning him and trying to push him off on the new babes, even though the girls are outnumbered.

Kenny and Eric’s live rendition of “Who Moved My Cheese” is the greatest bro advice pairing since Daniel and Chad’s “Be less like Hitler and more like Mussolini” talk.

Krystal is moving her cheese to the Goose. But joke’s on Tia because she only made Chris promise that he won’t leave her for someone coming in tomorrow or in future weeks. He didn’t make any promises about not leaving for someone who’s already there. A loophole in the mouse trap! Chris is definitely the cheesiest person in Paradise—and this is with the likes of Jordan around.

Colton is the one telling Tia about Crystal?! And now Jordan is helping Chis plan out an all-you-can eat buffet of women?!? What the—?!? Chris goes from “It’s only you, Tia; trust me” to ordering up the full cheese plate of bachelorettes. Kenny and Eric are right, that cheese is MOVING!

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On 8/19/2018 at 3:49 PM, RealitytvLover said:

Temptation Island! Omg it was the best. My mom and I used to watch it together. Go Charla! 

Didn’t Charla not share the money with bad breath David?

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