S05.E01: Week 1: Season Premiere

[OnceSane]

Quote

In the Season 5 premiere, "Bachelor Nation" members begin their journey for another chance at love at a luxurious Mexican resort. The first bachelorette arrives on the beach with her—literal and emotional—baggage in tow; and a feisty female is thrilled that a cute grocer wasn't chosen for the first date, but isn't happy when he shows interest in her nemesis.

Airs August 7, 2018.

[Armchair Critic]

Once again Harrison is claiming this is the most dramatic season ever. After the yawnfest last night that he said would be the most emotional finale evah I am not buying it. But let the shenanigans begin....

[leighdear]

Thanks for the live posting!  More fun to snark in real time.  

Oh no, we're going to have to hear Krystal babble about being "wife material" again?

I hope everybody has gotten their antibiotics, Purell and thoroughly disinfected their TV sets!  *LOL*

David's mom is sweet.  But that's too creepy.

[Mabinogia]

David's obsession with Jordan is doing him no favors. Ugh. 

[CindyBee]

David's intro bit was beyond creepy.   

Half these girls from Arie's season I can't remember and its only been six months.   

Edited August 8, 2018 by CindyBee

[Armchair Critic]

Jordan is ridiculous which makes him a good fit for this show.

[Mabinogia]

And I now love Wills even more. 

Why did they have to follow him with forking Tia. I hate this chick. 

[leighdear]

That's such a transparent, manufactured non-fight between David & Jordan.  They'll break character eventually.  

I have to mute my TV when Tia shows up.  That voice is just like fingernails on a chalkboard. 

[CindyBee]

Ugh this Tia/Colton story line is sooooo annoying.  You know she's still pissed she wasn't the bachelorette

[Armchair Critic]

Tia is like the two face girl from Seinfeld. Her face can look witchy and then in another scene she looks okay. She annoys me, and it will be double the annoyance if she is with Colton. I didn't read the cast list but please tell me Ashley I and Jared are not back on this show again, I saw them in the preview.

[CindyBee]

small voice--I think I'm going to enjoy Krystal this time around.

Ugh, Tia is getting the Jade treatment.  The girl all the guys are suppose to fight over

[leighdear]

How can somebody who's always sounded like the ultimate hick sound even MORE hick-ish?

Calm down Eric, you're gonna burst a blood vessel.  

Bibiana is just annoying.  She is NOT that pretty, but she's the female version of Jordan.  Thinking she's that amazing.  

[Ohwell]

I like Kenny but he needs to give the "daughter" talk a rest.  He didn't even say he was looking for someone for himself, he's looking for someone for his daughter.  It's enough to make any woman run in the other direction.  

[CindyBee]

Joe!!  So cute. 

I'm praying he doesn't turn into some douche

[leighdear]

I don't get the media obsession with Joe.   He kinda reminds me of Wells.  But not quite as cute. 

[Armchair Critic]

Does Wells have incriminating info on Harrison? How does he get the bartender gig again?

[leighdear]

Kendall's weirdness isn't cute or quirky.  It's strange and uncomfortable.  

[Armchair Critic]

If I was Kendall I would hang onto Joe, I am not that impressed with the other guys there.

[leighdear]

3 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

Does Wells have incriminating info on Harrison? How does he get the bartender gig again?

Hes boyfriend to, and lives with Sarah Hyland, one of the stars of "Modern Family".  An ABC comedy.  Wells has connections now. 

Edited August 8, 2018 by leighdear

[Ohwell]

I can't wait for the tears to start rolling down the famewhore cheeks!

[Mabinogia]

Krystal just comes across as the fakest person ever to walk the earth. Her and Jordan should get on like gangbusters lol 

She could be 100% genuine, IDK, but her whole persona cries fake to me, fake looks, fake smile, fake bubbliness just the whole package seems manufactured to me. Between her and Tia I'm going to be changing channels (I don't have DVR) a lot.

[CindyBee]

I just need Krystal and Bibiana to like the same guy on night one

[leighdear]

Krystal smarter than.......Anybody?  Just no, 

4 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

I just need Krystal and Bibiana to like the same guy on night one

Cage match.  To the death would be EPIC!  *LOL*

[CindyBee]

Poor Joe, blinded by Krystal's smile.

And Venmo John, loving the ladies!!

[Mabinogia]

So Tia and Colton are the new Ashley I and Jared? No matter who he likes, he's going to be stuck with Tia because she has already marked her territory. 

[DEL901]

No fair.   The first few got detailed intros and then a bunch just arrived

[CindyBee]

1 minute ago, DEL901 said:

No fair.   The first few got detailed intros and then a bunch just arrived

I feel like I need a player's roster, like at a football game.   

Like who is Astrid?    And Nyesha?

[Wandering Snark]

I'd just like to point out a blatant fallacy in my guide description in which they claim the wannabees will be living in a "dreamy oasis".  Yeah sure. Maybe this year they'll be somewhere air conditioned!

---

Raven keeps it classy as always, saying in the intro portion 'Down in Paradise where I had my first orgasm'. (I rewound it to double check). So I guess it wasn't Nick huh? Ouch.

Edited August 8, 2018 by Wandering Snark

[leighdear]

Tia's desperation is just sad.  For a young woman to be so needy for a child like Colton.  She needs to wise up.  But probably wont. 

[CindyBee]

2 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Tia's desperation is just sad.  For a young woman to be so needy for a child like Colton.  She needs to wise up.  But probably wont. 

Its beyond pathetic.   

[Mabinogia]

Is Tia unaware of how phones work? She could, you know, call Colton if she's so hung up on him. Or does she only exist on TV and not in real life so she needs him to show up on TV in order to date him? I hate her even more than I did before. 

[leighdear]

Oh lord, they are going to BEAT US OVER THE HEAD with Tia and her pitiful psycho problem.  That child needs some serious therapy and medication. 

Edited August 8, 2018 by leighdear

[CindyBee]

Tia is sooooo loving all this attention.    Oh look, tears already, hahahaha

[kazza]

30 minutes ago, leighdear said:

I don't get the media obsession with Joe.   He kinda reminds me of Wells.  But not quite as cute. 

He's cute when he smiles. And he looks like the love child of Wells and Lou Ferrigno. 

[dizzyd]

I'm so sick of the Tia Colton non existent story and he's not even there yet. 

Grocer Joe looks like Darren Criss.

Anyone pick Colton as their drinking word?

Edited August 8, 2018 by dizzyd

[Ohwell]

13 minutes ago, Wandering Snark said:

Raven keeps it classy as always, saying in the intro portion 'Down in Paradise where I had my first orgasm'.

Also, in the intro didn't she say something about her vagina?  I cringed.

[Armchair Critic]

"It's time for me to start thinking about myself"... who are you kidding Tia? 

[leighdear]

Awww, sad face from Joe.  He'll be thankful looking back, at the bullet called Tia he dodged. 

[CindyBee]

if we took a shot every time Tia says "Colton" I think we all would have to be taken to the ER.   

[Ohwell]

I'm not gonna be able to withstand this shit if Tia continues to be the center of attention. 

[leighdear]

Yeah, it's becoming obvious those two are going to be the centerpiece of the next few episodes.  Not entertaining at all.  

[Armchair Critic]

Damn Kevin got right down to it. 

[leighdear]

Kevin is not attractive at all to me.  Too much ink. 

Nick is well on his way to being wasted.  And he's pretty disgusting.  And an idiot. 

Edited August 8, 2018 by leighdear

[CindyBee]

Man, NIck is soooo drunk.  

[Armchair Critic]

"Do you want to make out with me?" .... hahahaaaa he got turned down. Who is that guy? I don't even remember him.

[CindyBee]

Just now, Armchair Critic said:

"Do you want to make out with me?" .... hahahaaaa he got turned down. Who is that guy? I don't even remember him.

Isn't Nick a lawyer?   I think he lasted a few episodes and had tragic wardrobe choices

[Ohwell]

6 minutes ago, CindyBee said:

Man, NIck is soooo drunk.  

Yeah, good for him!

He probably thinks he's going home, so why not get drunk?

[DEL901]

2 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Kevin is not attractive at all to me.  Too much ink. 

Nick is well on his way to being wasted. 

On the plus side, Kevin has a real job.   

 

As as for Nick....sloppy drunk on the first night.   Yuck

[leighdear]

Like.....like......like.....like.......*ARRRRRGH*

Um......where did her accent go?

[CindyBee]

small voice--I kinda like Chris.  Too bad he's stuck on this date with Tia