Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Katy M]

5 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

I can imagine Parker from Leverage as a four year old crawling through air ducks. She blew up her foster parents house at seven or eight, was a child getaway driver at I think nine or ten, and stole cars at eleven or twelve with an older kid. 

It's air ducts.  I think the comment about loving a four year old getting away on air ducks is that the kid would be adorable riding on the back of a flying duck.

[andromeda331]

1 minute ago, Katy M said:

It's air ducts.  I think the comment about loving a four year old getting away on air ducks is that the kid would be adorable riding on the back of a flying duck.

That would be adorable.

[shapeshifter]

On 3/29/2019 at 1:07 PM, Brookside said:

I love the idea of a four year old escaping some horrible event on an air duck.

They sort of had this on a recent episode of The Orville.
ETA: But with air ducts, not air ducks.
The kid was older, maybe 9? But he is slender, and he was the only one small enough to do it. He actually did save the day.
And he is a really cute kid.

Edited March 30, 2019 by shapeshifter

[Brookside]

5 hours ago, Katy M said:

It's air ducts.  I think the comment about loving a four year old getting away on air ducks is that the kid would be adorable riding on the back of a flying duck.

Haha. I was actually imagining swimming pool inflatable ducks, but I like your idea even more.  Maybe if the kid pulls the stopper on a "floaty" duck and becomes airborne.  Best of both worlds?

[andromeda331]

One thing that kept being brought up on Burn Notice is torture. Usually by victims especially if the bad guy has information Michael and his friends really need like where the kidnapped kid is or where the women held as prostitutes are being held and if they don't get to them by Friday all the girls are dead. Michael still won't because he thinks torture is for sadists but also points out repeatedly that torture doesn't work. That the person being torture will say anything to make it stop or the first lie they can think of. He always finds other ways to get the information whether its pretending to have information on the kidnapped kid to get the information out of the kidnapper or letting the bad guy think that he's been picked up by FBI/CIA/etc. which is really Sam who keeps interrogating him and that their picking up the rest of the organization which does work but not as fast as they need it so they send Michael in as another member of the organization that was "arrested" to get him to trust him and more information but they still need to go faster so they arrange a prison break and the bad guy leads him right to the women while the whole time he thinks he's being loyal to the organization and helping out the boss. 

He also gives advice about being chased in a car by police that its really just a bad idea. That all that will do is get you on the news. He suggests finding a place to bail out of the car and run before there's choppers in the air. Which he and Fiona do while running from the police by driving into a parking garage and bailing out.  

Edited April 5, 2019 by andromeda331

[ganesh]

The Leverage/Librarians crossover Thanksgiving special is just waiting to be written. 

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, andromeda331 said:

One thing that kept being brought up on Burn Notice is torture. Usually by victims especially if the bad guy has information Michael and his friends really need like where the kidnapped kid is or where the women held as prostitutes are being held and if they don't get to them by Friday all the girls are dead. Michael still won't because he thinks torture is for sadists but also points out repeatedly that torture doesn't work

I didn't realize this about Burn Notice. I watched a few episodes, but I think it started the year I dropped cable and before I started streaming. Is there a best season?

[scarynikki12]

1 minute ago, shapeshifter said:

I watched a few episodes, but I think it started the year I dropped cable and before I started streaming. Is there a best season?

The early years are definitely the best.  Season 1 is only 8 or so episodes so you can get through them quickly. 

I went to the Burn Notice panel at Comic Con one year and the producers talked about Michael's detailed voiceovers.  They said they liked being specific but that they would have to leave things out because they'd get word from their consultants that some of the techniques Michael and his team would use to get out of jams, misdirect, etc., were so specific that it would actually be teaching any criminals rather than just enhancing the story.

One thing Burn Notice did was during the Michael B Jordan episode (season 2 I think) when they ripped phone books in half and placed those halves in the doors and sides of a car to cushion against gunfire.  They did make a point of saying that it was for short term use, to keep the people in the car safe enough to get away, and they also showed that the windows were replaced with actual bulletproof material, but I'm curious if the phone book trick really would keep the people in the car safe enough for those few minutes needed to get away or if this was a seemingly good tip that got exaggerated for the episode.

[biakbiak]

8 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

I didn't realize this about Burn Notice. I watched a few episodes, but I think it started the year I dropped cable and before I started streaming. Is there a best season?

First season through the end of season 4. You can start a few episodes in if you don’t want to hear Gabrielle Anwar’s awful accent. Though you will hit a few with Jeffrey Donavan’s awful Irish accent which is second only to David Boreanaz as Angelus for making ears bleed.

[selkie]

On 3/28/2019 at 8:48 PM, andromeda331 said:

I remember Michael pointing that out on Burn Notice! When getting rid of his drug dealing neighbor. He knocks on the door to get him to come to the door. He points out many criminals have bulletproof doors but forget that walls are plaster. Then demonstrates it by moving to the side of the door and shoots through the wall hitting him in the leg with his second shot.

I've only seen about four episodes of Burn Notice and now find myself wondering if he ever brought up how hard it can be to break a window in the Miami  to West Palm Beach area due to local building codes strongly encouraging laminated impact-resistant glass as a way of protecting a structure against hurricanes. 

Just once I'd like to see a tv criminal try to take a baseball bat to a hurricane window and spend several minutes without managing to really get through the glass just like you see in the window company promotional videos. 

[Raja]

26 minutes ago, scarynikki12 said:

.

One thing Burn Notice did was during the Michael B Jordan episode (season 2 I think) when they ripped phone books in half and placed those halves in the doors and sides of a car to cushion against gunfire.  They did make a point of saying that it was for short term use, to keep the people in the car safe enough to get away, and they also showed that the windows were replaced with actual bulletproof material, but I'm curious if the phone book trick really would keep the people in the car safe enough for those few minutes needed to get away or if this was a seemingly good tip that got exaggerated for the episode.

Mythbusters did that one. yes assuming you can break contact it would work  unless they have an anti armor weapon. Something the military would fire at armored cars and light armored vehicles.

[andromeda331]

28 minutes ago, selkie said:

I've only seen about four episodes of Burn Notice and now find myself wondering if he ever brought up how hard it can be to break a window in the Miami  to West Palm Beach area due to local building codes strongly encouraging laminated impact-resistant glass as a way of protecting a structure against hurricanes. 

Just once I'd like to see a tv criminal try to take a baseball bat to a hurricane window and spend several minutes without managing to really get through the glass just like you see in the window company promotional videos. 

I don't remember if he did the same with all windows. But a couple he used bullets. Like the Fraq-12 a military round with explosive projectile for the window of the security/military company/mercenaries he had to break into. He usually was pretty good at mention different types of bullets for other things and using different types of guns. So its possible he used a different kind of bullet. Fiona used a small explosive on one window that was bullet proof. It would have been interesting to see what he would use for that type of window! I'm sure he's got a few ideas.

Edited April 4, 2019 by andromeda331

[andromeda331]

The early seasons of Burn Notice were the best. It was so much fun so see what they came up with on how to deal with different bad guys. From playing the crazy thief drilling holes into a car and pouring turpentine on the local crime boss's (who was actually a woman!) men and robbing them. Or making the guy who stole a brooch think his own security is bad by just leaving a few things like used cigarettes, a cap to a camera, and giving money to one of the security men and then later getting him arrest by making him look like he was robbing a bank. Or stalling a payment when his client's girlfriend is kidnapped because they don't actually have money to pay the ransom (the client was a house sitter for a few really nice places and kind of let everyone think they were his) and so they could find the girl before the kidnappers realize they don't have any money. 

[Moose135]

28 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

The early seasons of Burn Notice were the best. It was so much fun so see what they came up with on how to deal with different bad guys.

The last two seasons turned into a steaming pile of crap.  Of course, I had watched to that point, so I did stay to the bitter end, but they didn't have the fun of the early seasons.

[shapeshifter]

Speaking of things that happen on TV but not IRL,
Whiskey Cavalier just had a highly martial arts-skilled villain put sleeper holds on at least four members of the good guys' team (IRL they'd be dead) but, kudos to the show, it turned out she was a double agent, only pretending to be a bad guy.

However, in a following scene, the good guys successfullly shot and killed lots of bad guys without even one good guy getting killed or even wounded.

 

Edited April 4, 2019 by shapeshifter

[biakbiak]

12 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

The last two seasons turned into a steaming pile of crap.  Of course, I had watched to that point, so I did stay to the bitter end, but they didn't have the fun of the early seasons.

Any rewatch ends on the season 4 finale the rest DID NOT HAPPEN!!!!

[andromeda331]

50 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

The last two seasons turned into a steaming pile of crap.  Of course, I had watched to that point, so I did stay to the bitter end, but they didn't have the fun of the early seasons.

I watched to the bitter end too and it just kept getting worse and worse. I usually make it half way through season 5 before stopping right up when Anson shows up. 

Another good tip from Michael. If it looks like your about to get a fight that could get you killed. Try starting another fight. Watching him teaching David, his client's eight year old son how to beat up his bully and we actually get to see it at the end of the pilot. 

Edited April 4, 2019 by andromeda331

[Jacqs]

All historical figures who heroes are pure good, all historical figures who are villains are pure evil. No one is allowed to be a real human being who are capable of both. 

No, Wilhelmine Germany was not the Third Reich with a monarchy, and the Entente committed plenty of its own atrocities and screwing the "lessers" over.

[andromeda331]

On ‎3‎/‎29‎/‎2019 at 10:19 AM, Shannon L. said:

I also recall that Fiona, as bad ass and capable as she was, couldn't take down a male opponent by just her own strength.  She would grab something to hit him with or find other ways out of the situation.  As much as I enjoy watching a female character kick ass, I liked how realistic they made it on Burn Notice.

She really was. In the first episode Michael and Fiona are having a moment at the steps of his loft when a guy with a gun appears behind them sent by Michael's drug dealing neighbor. Fiona turns and procedes to beat the crap out of him. Or when she's trying use a stun gun on a bigger bad guy, it goes wrong and the guy ends up grabbing his leg. Michael gives a voiceover that when you tase someone who is holding onto you. You end up getting tased too. Fiona doesn't even hesitate and tasers knocking them both out. Or when another job goes wrong and bad guys are coming after. She runs in the other direction until she sees men coming towards her from that direction too. Her only option is to jump off the bridge. Once again she doesn't hesitate. She hops right over the bridge and jumps into the river. She was badass. She could fight and win, make bombs, and showed off her smarts too. One walk into the airport hanger and a few questions was all she needed to figure out they were arms dealers. Or watching her in the episode where the client's wife's kidnapped. They originally think the bad guys are after their clients battery but after they hit realize its a kidnapping. Fiona chose to be kidnapped too along with the wife to help her. Then spends the rest of the episode being a badass. She gets rid of their guard so she can send a smoke signal so Sam and Michael know where they are. Steals a cellphone to call them. Convinces the kidnapper to give her things she'll use later against him gum and alcohol all while pretending to be a trophy wife. To get out of being handcuffed to a chair she yanks until the wooden handle breaks free dislocating her own shoulder.  She fixes the lightbulb to exploded right just as Sam arrives and she clocks the kidnapper. Getting rid of a hit squad with a clients liquor bottles. Getting rid of another but pretending to be the client's ticked off ex. When trying to find the man who bombed Michael's place after finding where he worked as demolition. Instead of going in and asking questions spooking him. Fiona goes to his boss asking for head shots of each of his employees pretending to make sexy calendars of hot men like firemen, cowboys and demolition. The boss gives her head shots of everyone of his employees and puts his own picture on the top.

[shapeshifter]

On TV, if someone has an upset stomach, it is definitely either a pregnancy or lethal poison, whereas IRL, it's probably no big deal.

[Katy M]

10 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

On TV, if someone has an upset stomach, it is definitely either a pregnancy or lethal poison, whereas IRL, it's probably no big deal.

And a headache is always indicative of a brain tumor. Or a lie.  Nobody just has a headache.

[Blergh]

3 hours ago, Katy M said:

And a headache is always indicative of a brain tumor. Or a lie.  Nobody just has a headache.

Unless the individual is on a commercial trying to pitch pain medication! Then, not only is it 'just a headache' but said medication is supposed to transform their life from being an outcast loser to being the life of the party (as long as the viewers don't pay attention to the disclaimers).

[ganesh]

Remember the guy from the 80s who could talk real fast and did the disclaimers for commercials?

[Mabinogia]

1 hour ago, Blergh said:

4 hours ago, Katy M said:

And a headache is always indicative of a brain tumor. Or a lie.  Nobody just has a headache.

Unless the individual is on a commercial trying to pitch pain medication! Then, not only is it 'just a headache' but said medication is supposed to transform their life from being an outcast loser to being the life of the party (as long as the viewers don't pay attention to the disclaimers).

The disclaimers are the best part of meds commercials. We will cure your allergies, however (look at this distractingly cute puppy you can play with) but you might develop something else that will require other meds or you could die, but oooh, puppy!!!!! 

Or my favorite, "This pill will cure your depression but might make you suicidal". Um, okay.

[Popples]

1 hour ago, ganesh said:

Remember the guy from the 80s who could talk real fast and did the disclaimers for commercials?

The MicroMachines guy?

[andromeda331]

4 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

The disclaimers are the best part of meds commercials. We will cure your allergies, however (look at this distractingly cute puppy you can play with) but you might develop something else that will require other meds or you could die, but oooh, puppy!!!!! 

Or my favorite, "This pill will cure your depression but might make you suicidal". Um, okay.

My favorite was the one that cleared up toenail problem from years ago but cause stroke or heart attack. Great, you'll have pretty toenails but be dead. Second favorite is any time one of the side affects is the same thing as the problem their trying to get rid of. Like Botox commercial that will help get rid of headaches. But one of the side affects was headache. Or the one that'll help those with Parkinsons that are seeing things that weren't really there. But one of the side affects is confusion. Well, that ought to help, right? 

[2727]

10 hours ago, Katy M said:

Nobody just has a headache.

Nobody's nasal tissues get dry, either. A slow trickle of a nosebleed indicates supernatural forces at work. You thought too hard!

[ganesh]

YES THAT'S HIM!

[shapeshifter]

OTOH, on TV back pain is never chronic or permanently debilitating — TV back pain never lasts more than an episode.

[kiddo82]

And no one takes days or even weeks to fully get over a cold.  People on TV are completely back to normal within a day or two.  My favorite was this one episode of Friends where Monica goes to bed with a cold then in the next episode, which takes place a mere two or so hours later, she comes out of her bedroom and is 100% healthy and it's never mentioned again.  I mean, she's a freaking X-Man with healing powers like that.  The government should want to study her.  

Also, colds happen instantly on TV.  Someone on next to you on the subway sneezes?  You're sneezing minutes later.  Get caught in the rain?  Start sneezing the second you towel off. (not that that makes you sick which is another on TV thing)   

[Llywela]

16 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

Or my favorite, "This pill will cure your depression but might make you suicidal". Um, okay.

Slight digression, but there's actually a reason for that part of the disclaimer. People suffering from severe depression often feel suicidal, but don't have the energy to actually go through with it. When they start to take anti-depressants, they are considered at increased risk of acting on suicidal thoughts because they now have that bit more energy to take action.

[Katy M]

12 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

I mean, she's a freaking X-Man with healing powers like that.  The government should want to study her.  

Are you kidding me?  She's Monica.  She's going to get her healing DONE!

[ChromaKelly]

15 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

And no one takes days or even weeks to fully get over a cold.  People on TV are completely back to normal within a day or two.  My favorite was this one episode of Friends where Monica goes to bed with a cold then in the next episode, which takes place a mere two or so hours later, she comes out of her bedroom and is 100% healthy and it's never mentioned again.  I mean, she's a freaking X-Man with healing powers like that.  The government should want to study her.  

Also, colds happen instantly on TV.  Someone on next to you on the subway sneezes?  You're sneezing minutes later.  Get caught in the rain?  Start sneezing the second you towel off. (not that that makes you sick which is another on TV thing)   

And they always have to insist that they are fine even though they clearly have an exaggerated stuffy nose, look like shit, sneezing all over the place. Then they have the whole loopy-on-cold-medicine thing.

[Mittengirl]

And cold medicine, like all intoxicants, has an immediate effect.  Swallow a pill or down a shot of NyQuil and you will be loopy in 30 seconds.

[Friendly kitty]

On 4/16/2019 at 4:19 AM, kiddo82 said:

Also, colds happen instantly on TV.  Someone on next to you on the subway sneezes?  You're sneezing minutes later.  Get caught in the rain?  Start sneezing the second you towel off. (not that that makes you sick which is another on TV thing)   

But such people really exist. Especially now. Immunity with every generation in people only becomes weaker, so getting sick quickly is possible! But quickly recover - it is unrealistic, here I agree!

18 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

And they always have to insist that they are fine even though they clearly have an exaggerated stuffy nose, look like shit, sneezing all over the place. Then they have the whole loopy-on-cold-medicine thing.

🤣🤣🤣

And there are a lot of such people. Naturally, they should have stayed at home, but they have things, so they go to work or somewhere else, and then pretend to be healthy. And infect other!

Edited April 17, 2019 by Friendly kitty

[DrSpaceman]

I loved Burn Notice, watched it to the bitter end. 

Chuck Finley is a good go to fake name. 

[andromeda331]

5 hours ago, DrSpaceman said:

I loved Burn Notice, watched it to the bitter end. 

Chuck Finley is a good go to fake name. 

It was a great fake name and I love that he never gave it up. Not even when the mark's name was Charles. 

[ratgirlagogo]

On 4/16/2019 at 1:13 PM, ChromaKelly said:

Then they have the whole loopy-on-cold-medicine thing.

The one instance of this I really liked was on the Sarah Silverman show, where she took cough medicine and she starts literally tripping and hallucinating on it:

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/ql1nmf/the-sarah-silverman-program-hallucination

[ganesh]

A criminally underrated show. 

[Dr.OO7]

I mentioned this in "Tropes I Hate" thread--people walking away unscathed from things that should have killed or at the very least, seriously injured them.

Case in point, the other night I was watching a repeat of a "Without A Trace" episode which featured the Steel Eardrums trope--An FBI agent gets into a car to negotiate with a kidnapper holding a young boy hostage. The man finally agrees to let the boy go, but then prepares to kill himself. In the ensuing struggle, the gun goes off. No one is affected by the noise when in real life, all of them—especially the child—would have been in agony, if not outright deafened.

[Lugal]

I just saw something just the other day (can't remember what it was though) where two characters struggle for a gun and it goes off, but no one is hit.  After the situation is resolved, the character's partner comes running up exclaiming how brave he was, and his only response was a yelled, "What?"

[DarkRaichu]

The team members who prepare the intel for each case (Sam in Burn Notice or Hardison in Leverage) gathered and prepared all the background information in a matter of hours, not even days.

Then everyone else in the team spent 5 seconds on the information and nobody thanked the intel guys.  Although in fairness, Hardison called them out on this in 1 of the episode

[andromeda331]

5 hours ago, DarkRaichu said:

The team members who prepare the intel for each case (Sam in Burn Notice or Hardison in Leverage) gathered and prepared all the background information in a matter of hours, not even days.

Then everyone else in the team spent 5 seconds on the information and nobody thanked the intel guys.  Although in fairness, Hardison called them out on this in 1 of the episode

Hardison called did that a lot. He was often very annoyed that no one seemed appreciate how much work he did. All in the information he found, all the paperwork he created, the false ids and stuff, and different FBI/DEA/etc jackets. But he was usually ignored. 

Edited April 23, 2019 by andromeda331

[Popples]

My favorite Hardison moment was when he had to make a 300-year-old diary. I believe he said he made the ink from blueberries and he said, "I hacked history!"

[DearEvette]

27 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

All in the information he found, all the paperwork he created, the false ids and stuff, and different FBI/DEA/etc jackets.

I love the fact that he was so darned good at his job that one of his fake Ids for Parker was so detailed that that identity got called for Jury Duty and Nate actually made her go. 

[andromeda331]

1 hour ago, Popples said:

My favorite Hardison moment was when he had to make a 300-year-old diary. I believe he said he made the ink from blueberries and he said, "I hacked history!"

I love that one. Also how much work when into faking a 300 year old diary. He made glue from animal parts, making ink, and tanned hide for the cover.

1 hour ago, DearEvette said:

I love the fact that he was so darned good at his job that one of his fake Ids for Parker was so detailed that that identity got called for Jury Duty and Nate actually made her go. 

That was awesome. Also in that one he decides to tie Sophie's character to a real business in season one because it was better. So he makes it look like she works at Mumbai International Limited. Their mark then buys the company to get rid of Sophie. Then it cuts to the two actual owners of that business who are smiling and so excited but have no idea why someone just bought their business for millions of dollars. 

He also managed to get a police car in another episode issued to him and Eliot. I also like the one where he created an ID originally for Eliot but has to switch it all to Sophie and has to get all the details right. There's a second when security is looking up Sophie's ID and lists her as male. But when he looks again its female. 

In one of the episodes when he mentions going to the Oscars every year since he was 15 we get a flashback to him at the Oscars cheering for Halle Berry winning her Oscar. I've always wondered whether he figured out a way to hack the Oscar to make sure she won. Sure he could be just there happy that his favorite actress won. But with his skills and him saying that he "I told you this was your night" makes me think he did. 

Edited April 23, 2019 by andromeda331

[praeceptrix]

1 hour ago, Popples said:

My favorite Hardison moment was when he had to make a 300-year-old diary. I believe he said he made the ink from blueberries and he said, "I hacked history!"

Yes, that is one of my favorites, too.

I also loved his reaction when the boxing scam got blown because of human networking, "I can't hack a hick!" 

[HunterHunted]

On 4/19/2019 at 9:55 PM, Camille said:

I mentioned this in "Tropes I Hate" thread--people walking away unscathed from things that should have killed or at the very least, seriously injured them.

Case in point, the other night I was watching a repeat of a "Without A Trace" episode which featured the Steel Eardrums trope--An FBI agent gets into a car to negotiate with a kidnapper holding a young boy hostage. The man finally agrees to let the boy go, but then prepares to kill himself. In the ensuing struggle, the gun goes off. No one is affected by the noise when in real life, all of them—especially the child—would have been in agony, if not outright deafened.

I was one of the people who responded because I'd been in a car accident where we rolled down a ravine and landed upside down and basically ended up with no injuries. The thing is people do actually survive lots of events where they should have been seriously injured or killed, but the shows rarely delve into why they survive.

I had a friend who was a passenger in a multi car pile up that avoided losing her legs because she had her legs up on the dash when the engine block was pushed back, another who missed being decapitated in a car accident when a truck trailer jackknifed because she looked down to change the radio, and a classmate who survived an 11 story fall because he was unbelievably drunk (this dope had been drinking for something like 16 hours, pried open an elevator shaft, and fell 11 stories; being blackout drunk saved his life because he got tangled in the elevator cables--he did dent the elevator when he landed and his apartment complex sued him for the damage he caused). A recent episode of Below Deck showed one of the deckhands getting tangled in some of the lines and pulled off the boat. The show went into great detail about all of the things that could have happened and how two things saved his life: yelling "man overboard" and releasing a line from a cleat. He ended up sore and bruised, but he was only off duty for 2 or 3 days.

But once again, it's not that hard to have another character say "You're lucky. Had X,Y, Z happened, you'd be seriously injured or dead." 911 has actually been very good at doing this because many of the rescue stories are based on real world events. But the gun shot thing is stupid and it's also one of my favorite running gags in Archer--everyone has hearing damage because of guns being fired in enclosed spaces or too close to someone.

I don't really watch any medical shows anymore. Is anyone doing anything with the more esoteric ICD 10 codes? Those are legitimately interesting. 

[Annber03]

28 minutes ago, HunterHunted said:

I had a friend who was a passenger in a multi car pile up that avoided losing her legs because she had her legs up on the dash when the engine block was pushed back, another who missed being decapitated in a car accident when a truck trailer jackknifed because she looked down to change the radio, and a classmate who survived an 11 story fall because he was unbelievably drunk (this dope had been drinking for something like 16 hours, pried open an elevator shaft, and fell 11 stories; being blackout drunk saved his life because he got tangled in the elevator cables

...whoa. 

That's almost some Final Destination type stuff there. 

[andromeda331]

Oh, the one episode at the airport where the only ID they could get for Hardison to get into the tower was a woman's. And Hardison makes it work! By claiming he had a sex change and going off the guy about being prejudice about it.