Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[AimingforYoko]

Heh, at least they tried to explain it on Friends with Monica illegally subletting her rent-controlled place from her dead Nana.

[Shannon L.]

 

Only on tv do people show up at other people's houses without calling ahead, and they're always home and not busy at all.

Actually, my mom was a stay at home mom and loved it when people just dropped by.  She never cared if they called first, but they also knew that if it was a bad time, she'd thank them for stopping by and ask them if they could come again later.  In fact, the open door policy was such a thing in our house, that when I first lived on my own, I never understood why so many people asked me if they could come by at a certain time. 

 

Hell, they just walk right in the front door or the back door. I guess I'm the only one who keeps their doors locked all the time.

That, however, never happened and wouldn't have been appreciated! 

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Only on TV do cops always identify themselves when they're fifteen feet away from the potential suspect they want to question. Who always runs. Bonus points if they end up climbing a fence to escape at the end of a dead-end alley.

[Kel Varnsen]

Only on TV do cops always identify themselves when they're fifteen feet away from the potential suspect they want to question. Who always runs. Bonus points if they end up climbing a fence to escape at the end of a dead-end alley.

Also only on tv, when this happens, one cop will chase after the suspect on foot, his/her partner will hop in the car and speed off in an opposite direction, and will some how manage to end up exactly where the suspect was running to.

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

Only on TV can you ask a suspected undercover cop "Are you a cop?" and they have to answer truthfully or it's entrapment and you get off scot-free.

 

*(A Law & Order episode brilliantly subverted this trope when a prostitute asked Sgt. Greevey if he was a cop and he denied it. Later when she was arrested, she yelled that he'd denied being a cop and he replied with something like "So I lied. Lying's not entrapment.")

[Snowprince]

Splitting up on a foot pursuit is NEVER a good idea. TV cops drive me batshit doing that.

[ABay]

Only on TV does a wood table stop bullets from an automatic weapon.

[scarynikki12]

TV cops always hate Internal Affairs.  No cop appreciates the role they play, how hard their job must be, or understands that they wouldn't be necessary if there wasn't a loooooooong history of corruption in police forces (well, hello there, LAPD!).  Nope, all cops hate IAB and think they only exist to keep them from doing their jobs.  Yet they are always the ones to lead the charge against police corruption once they find evidence that Detective John Doe solicited prostitutes and then murdered those who threatened to turn him in.  The cops who investigate Det. Doe are never shown to change their minds about IAB, coming to realize that this is the exact type of power abuse that made their division necessary in the first place, and apologize for viewing them as one step lower than child rapists.  Nope, the cop who turns out to be a criminal is merely the exception and IAB is still evil.

 

Now, I know nothing about how cops view IAB in real life (though I SO want to ask one).  Maybe they do hate them as much as tv has shown, I don't know, but I have a hard time buying that there aren't some cops who do understand the purpose of IAB, who do think they are necessary, who appreciate how hard their job is, and don't think they're evil.  Surely there's at least one, right?

Edited June 30, 2014 by scarynikki12

[merylinkid]

I can answer that.   I once worked for the city agency overseeing IAB.   You see, most civilians seen IAB as a cover for police corruption.   They exist to clear the cops.   Of course, I came in contact with the cops too.   Some saw it harassment (guess which ones THOSE were) and some realized they were just doing their jobs.   Nobody called them the "rat squad" or anything like that.   Of course, IAB also did not send in undercover officers to spy on cops, nor did they go out of their way to throw their weight around and antagonize the rank and file.   Which is something you see IAB do on tv.   IAB on tv starts from the premise that every cop is dirty and just hasn't been caught yet.   In RL IAB takes the complaints, investigates, renders a decision on discipline or not.   Just like any other case.   There is also no T!I!P! in RL IAB.

[scarynikki12]

Thank you!

[zxy556575]

Only on TV do doctors run all their tests and perform all procedures. House was the worst.

 

I suppose it's not only TV, but more so there -- people who are having illicit sex never lock their doors or close their curtains.

 

Prepare to have your mind blown. I've observed that people on TV never seem to watch TV. While we idiots spend our evenings on our asses half-watching, I don't know, Everybody Loves Raymond or whatever, all the cool TV people are unwinding by contemplatively strumming their guitars or listening to music, which is inevitably either classical or jazz.

 

Well, they did watch a lot of TV sports on Everybody Loves Raymond, if that helps. :)

 

I also wonder why there are no TVs on Star Trek. They're able to get transmissions from Earth and other planets. Indeed, TV is absent from most scifi shows set in the future unless it's a dystopian world and the idiot box is 40' tall and inescapable in public squares.

[ganesh]

TV cops always hate Internal Affairs.

 

To further this, and I don't watch much cop shows, but I don't recall a plot where the cop was like, "I did everything by the book, so please Internal Affairs, investigate thoroughly, and clear my name of any shady business." 

 

I also wonder why there are no TVs on Star Trek.

 

I can kind of buy this on Star Trek because the ship is going to parts unknown, and they're way far away from any transmissions. Also, they had the holodeck which seems to me would blow tv away.

 

However, on Babylon 5, which was a space station, people talked about watching movies, and one of the main cast was a looney toons fan and had a portrait of Daffy Duck in his apartment. The command staff also went out for drinks together or even ate at the station restaurant. They had friends over to their apartments for drinks and dinner too.

 

The issue with scifi is that you don't want to be too pop culture and saddle the show to a specific time, so they stay away from stuff like that to give it a timeless quality. But, it's a fair point. In scifi there isn't much downtime shown for the characters. 

[scarynikki12]

I'd love it if a sci fi show would just create their own shows for the characters to watch.  Nothing elaborate, just little snippets of whatever they're watching when XYZ happen.  They can even look to Ugly Betty as their inspiration, as they would show a few seconds here and there of whatever fake telenovela was on and it was easily the funniest part of the episode (a priest making out with a pregnant nun?  That's high comedy there).  I would even make it be like Frasier with his radio show: bring in an actor for a quick cameo and then thank them at the end of the episode.  It would be fun to see different actors doing a few seconds of harmless fun.

[Snowprince]

I have a hard time buying that there aren't some cops who do understand the purpose of IAB, who do think they are necessary, who appreciate how hard their job is, and don't think they're evil.  Surely there's at least one, right?

        You've just met one...and I'm not alone.

Edited June 30, 2014 by Snowprince

[DittyDotDot]

I also wonder why there are no TVs on Star Trek. They're able to get transmissions from Earth and other planets. Indeed, TV is absent from most scifi shows set in the future unless it's a dystopian world and the idiot box is 40' tall and inescapable in public squares.

 

Enterprise used to have regular movie nights where they watched old cheesy movies and Archer used to watch recorded water polo games, so I think it existed on that one. The other shows were set further in the future so I assumed they found other things to entertain themselves--the holodeck or some other form of VR?

[Athena]

I also wonder why there are no TVs on Star Trek. They're able to get transmissions from Earth and other planets. Indeed, TV is absent from most scifi shows set in the future unless it's a dystopian world and the idiot box is 40' tall and inescapable in public squares.

 

Most of the ships were on missions so TV wasn't really priority and they had the holodeck. On Voyager, they were in a distant part of the galaxy where they knew no one so technology was different as well. I think at some point in that show a character had a vintage TV for his cartoons.

[ganesh]

 

I'd love it if a sci fi show would just create their own shows for the characters to watch.

Futurama did this. They had Everyone Loves the Hypnotoad, which really had been going downhill since season 3, All My Circuits soapopera, some tv movies, and the news. And the Olympics, and they went to baseball games, and events at Madison Cube Gardens.

[electraheartnataly]

Only on tv do people show up at other people's houses without calling ahead, and they're always home and not busy at all.

 

Hell, they just walk right in the front door or the back door. I guess I'm the only one who keeps their doors locked all the time.

This. This is also a great example of TV Trying to Have it Both Ways. On the one hand, we're supposed to believe that people often leave their doors unlocked and act like it's completely normal when friends walk in, sometimes just wander straight into their living room/bedroom (and this never makes them jump). On the Other Hand, in police dramas when they are analysing a crime scene and someone says 'No sign of forced entry', how come noone ever replies with 'yes but hang on a minute, this could be one of the many people who leaves their door unlocked.. so even if it was a stranger there wouldn't be sign of forced entry!' ?? if i'm meant to believe it's normal to leave doors unlocked, so if it WAS someone walking in to commit a crime the person wouldn't even be alert to someone 'creeping up on them' as they are so used to hearing people wander in to their house, then i would expect characters to take this into consideration in crime shows. i don't know, TV what are ya like!

Edited July 1, 2014 by electraheartnataly

[ALenore]

One of the biggest (and often commented on) "Only On TV" things is The Huge NYC Apartment.

 

One of the things I loved about Flight of the Conchords is that the main characters shared a truly tiny NYC apartment, it was even smaller than the one I used to live in.  

[DittyDotDot]

I have to say that I leave my doors unlocked at all times and because it's hard to hear when someone's at my door, I tell people to walk in but announce themselves. I live in a rural area and it's not uncommon for this to be the case with most folks (the door unlocked scenario). Also, I'm never concerned by someone just dropping by--happens all the time that someone is driving by and stops in for a minute. I guess I never realized this was so unusual.

[Shanna Marie]

On the one hand, we're supposed to believe that people often leave their doors unlocked and act like it's completely normal when friends walk in, sometimes just wander straight into their living room/bedroom (and this never makes them jump). On the Other Hand, in police dramas when they are analysing a crime scene and someone says 'No sign of forced entry', how come noone ever replies with 'yes but hang on a minute, this could be one of the many people who leaves their door unlocked.. so even if it was a stranger there wouldn't be sign of forced entry!' ??

And then there's the getting locked out situation. Most of the time, the wacky neighbor can easily just barge in at any time. But if the resident sets so much as a toe outside the door while wearing something inappropriate (or nothing), the resident will be unable to get back inside the house.

[electraheartnataly]

I'd imagine in some rural areas it would be fine and not that uncommon as you say to have the door unlocked and a pretty nice sense of community and welcoming hospitality to neighbours :) i've just seen it many times on TV shows set in NYC, off the top of my head Dan in Gossip Girl had his annoying friend Vanessa walk into his Brooklyn loft all the time, but any of the hundreds of Law and Order SVU episodes would tell me door unlocked in a big city is not the best idea. admitedly i live in the UK but don't know anyone in London who's home i'd be able to open the door myself and wander into lol it is a very different scenario with busy streets, not knowing many of your neighbours e.t.c to somewhere rural though of course!

Edited July 1, 2014 by electraheartnataly

[ganesh]

Yeah, but even when the door is unlocked, normally people knock and say, 'hey it's me, can i come in?' On tv they just barge in.

[electraheartnataly]

Genuinely wondering if this is an Only on TV thing, when the bell goes in high school everyone immediately gets up and leaves the class. I know we had to wait for the teacher to dismiss us regardless of the bell and she/he could actually make us stay sitting until finished, noone was allowed to just leave their desk. I remember me and my friends saying we wished we could just walk straight out saved by the bell style 'like they do in America' but i actually don't even know if that's the case now lol.

Edited July 1, 2014 by electraheartnataly

[ALenore]

On the Other Hand, in police dramas when they are analysing a crime scene and someone says 'No sign of forced entry',

 

This bothers me when they assume that this means the intruder knew the victim, but it seems just as likely that an intruder might pretend to be a cop, someone whose car broke down, etc.  In NYC, people are more paranoid but in a lot of places it would be easy to gain entrance with some kind of ruse.  

[BoogieBurns]

Genuinely wondering if this is an Only on TV thing, when the bell goes in high school everyone immediately gets up and leaves the class.

 

We definitely had to wait for the teacher's permission. Just long enough for them to finish their thought. But we all stopped listening when the bell rang.

[ElleryAnne]

Genuinely wondering if this is an Only on TV thing, when the bell goes in high school everyone immediately gets up and leaves the class. I know we had to wait for the teacher to dismiss us regardless of the bell and she/he could actually makes us stay sitting until finished, noone was allowed to just leave their desk.

 

 

We always just got up and walked out.  Usually the teachers were watching the clock and knew when it was going to happen, but even if they didn't, we shot out of the room like bats out of hell.  Once in a while, one would yell for us all to sit still until she/he could finish something, but that was rare because they knew we had to get to our next class.  I suppose it seems rude but it was the way it was set up by the school, not the students.  We'd be in more trouble for being late for the beginning of a class than for darting out right away at the end of one.

[electraheartnataly]

Oh right, thanks! we also wanted to be prom queens and cheerleaders but they don't exist in schools here so that was an Only on US TV thing for me hehe.

[BoogieBurns]

we also wanted to be prom queens and cheerleaders but they don't exist in schools here so that was an Only on US TV thing for me hehe.

 

If it makes you feel better, we never had prom king/queen. Only homecoming king/queen. I'm realizing that seems like the same thing, but it felt quite different. We definitely had cheerleaders though, never too late!

[Brandi Maxxxx]

One of the things I loved about Flight of the Conchords is that the main characters shared a truly tiny NYC apartment, it was even smaller than the one I used to live in.  

And they couldn't even afford that. They got kicked out for paying their rent in New Zealand dollars.

[kiddo82]

All funerals will have an 11x14 professional looking head shot of the deceased on an easel near the casket. Because everyone on TV has an up to date, professional looking, 11x14 headshot.

[ganesh]

Only on tv, if a doctor or scientist says something even remotely technical, someone will be all, "Speak *english* doc!"  

 

Eureka actually riffed on this hilariously. "It's an ice funnel of death!"

Edited July 4, 2014 by ganesh

[Cobalt Stargazer]

 

All funerals will have an 11x14 professional looking head shot of the deceased on an easel near the casket. Because everyone on TV has an up to date, professional looking, 11x14 headshot.

It's not just at funerals.In most living rooms on TV, all the pictures of family members look like publicity shots.

[Snowprince]

Doesn't everyone have a portfolio of 27 8 X 10 color glossies with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one to be used as evidence against us?

 

Don't mind me, just being silly.  (If you recognize the above sentence, you're OLD!)

Edited July 4, 2014 by Snowprince

[Kromm]

Doesn't everyone have a portfolio of 27 8 X 10 color glossies with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one to used as evidence against us?

 

Don't mind me, just being silly.  (If you recognize the above sentence, you're OLD!)

Ah, come on! You could get that record long after Woodstock...

Heh. I said "record". That probably in of itself dates me.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Doesn't everyone have a portfolio of 27 8 X 10 color glossies with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one to used as evidence against us?

 

Don't mind me, just being silly.  (If you recognize the above sentence, you're OLD!)

 

I'll come sit with you on the Group W bench.

[electraheartnataly]

In any given prison on TV the large majority of the guards will be completely corrupt. There might be just one corrections officer who doesn't take bribes/bully or assault inmates/frame the inmates for something or other but the rest of the C.O's will be basically pretty horrible people breaking the law themselves and the inmates on the whole will be far nicer than them.

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

In any given prison on TV the large majority of the guards will be completely corrupt. There might be just one corrections officer who doesn't take bribes/bully or assault inmates/frame the inmates for something or other but the rest of the C.O's will be basically pretty horrible people breaking the law themselves and the inmates on the whole will be far nicer than them.

The nadir of this trope was reached in 2013 on Sons of Anarchy where we discovered that the entire prison staff enables (either actively or passively) the nightly gang-rape of certain inmates by guards, all because a former Federal Marshal asks them to.

[electraheartnataly]

And no prisons are ever inspected for anything like that on tv, they're just allowed to get on with whatever awfullness is going on. Oh silly me, they probably are inspected but the superiors/govener or whoever will inevitably be corrupt too. Haven't seen Sons of Anarchy but tv prisons are still proving my point then and getting far worse it would seem!

 

 

Only on TV do cops always identify themselves when they're fifteen feet away from the potential suspect they want to question. Who always runs. Bonus points if they end up climbing a fence to escape at the end of a dead-end alley.

 

It always makes me laugh when the suspect-who-is-about-to run is approached by the police, say in their work place or on the street or wherever, they knock over a massive table, pots n pans or street stand, to get in the cops way. they do this so often on tv without a thought to how suspicious it makes them look to everybody. and i never understood why when they are approached by cops in their own neighborhood/work place they end up running to the end of a dead-end alley. you'd think they'd know the area well enough to run somewhere less stupid.

[shapeshifter]

Just noticed this thread, so I'm sorry, but here's a bunch, which makes it impossible to "like" just one.

Both men and women sneak up on evil doers while wearing shoes that sound like tap dancing shoes. How about wearing sneakers for sneaking?

The bad guy pauses before killing the good guy so he can reveal key evil plot details and also allow the good guy to break free and overpower him.

Bad guys "working over" the hero, leaving him with all of his perfect teeth, his nose bloody but not broken, and no facial swelling the next day, even if there is a scrape or bruise discoloration.

Cabot Cove and Longmire's Absaroka may be the worst, but I'm sure there are many other procedural shows were the murder rate of a small town exceeds that of Chicago during a hot summer.

Pause to wave to @Snowprince : So glad you made it over here from TWoP.

All human/space alien hybrid babies grow to adulthood within weeks.

...Only on TV doctors go out of town while their patient is in labor. Not only are they unreachable, but they usually say the line "I never take vacations, I promise" before skipping town....

Actually, all three of my OB doctors left the hospital to go out to dinner as I was about to deliver because I don't verbally express intense pain, which leads me to:

Only on TV do all women who are about to give birth scream. Other posters on birth episode threads have confirmed that screaming is not all that common IRL.

When tracking a perp or clue, it is possible to travel over 500 miles round trip by car in one day and still have plenty of time to do a foot chase, a car chase, and romance someone in a bar.

And finally: Elaine Benes is the only woman who sits on a toilet for its intended purpose.

Edited July 5, 2014 by shapeshifter

[Cobalt Stargazer]

 

When tracking a perp or clue, it is possible to travel over 500 miles round trip by car in one day and still have plenty of time to do a foot chase, a car chase, and romance someone in a bar.

On Days of Our Lives (don't ask), the characters are always able to get to Downtown Europe (really, don't ask) and back in less than an hour. There must be wormholes somewhere.

 

Only on TV do people actually have a fully-stocked bar in their living rooms if they're rich. Complete with magically replenishing ice cubes that never even get stuck together in the bucket. It's a symbol of their wealth.

[ganesh]

 

All human/space alien hybrid babies grow to adulthood within weeks.

This literally happened last week on Falling Skies and we're bitching constantly. This is the worst.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Hell, sometimes they spring from the womb full-grown, a la Jasmine on Angel.

[blueray]

I'd love it if a sci fi show would just create their own shows for the characters to watch.  Nothing elaborate, just little snippets of whatever they're watching when XYZ happen.  They can even look to Ugly Betty as their inspiration, as they would show a few seconds here and there of whatever fake telenovela was on and it was easily the funniest part of the episode (a priest making out with a pregnant nun?  That's high comedy there).  I would even make it be like Frasier with his radio show: bring in an actor for a quick cameo and then thank them at the end of the episode.  It would be fun to see different actors doing a few seconds of harmless fun.

That would be cool, or music (not sure how they would do that though). Technically Voyager sort of did that when they traveled back in time and Neelix and Kes are watching some soap opera.

 

Not every hybrid babies, Roswell they start of as 6 yrs old and grow normal from there.

Edited July 5, 2014 by blueray

[DittyDotDot]

Not every hybrid babies, Roswell they start of as 6 yrs old and grow normal from there.

 

Did they turn out to be hybrids...sorry I gave up the show after the 2nd season. I thought they were supposed to be bone-a-fides?

[electraheartnataly]

TV cops always hate Internal Affairs.  No cop appreciates the role they play, how hard their job must be, or understands that they wouldn't be necessary if there wasn't a loooooooong history of corruption in police forces (well, hello there, LAPD!).  Nope, all cops hate IAB and think they only exist to keep them from doing their jobs.  Yet they are always the ones to lead the charge against police corruption once they find evidence that Detective John Doe solicited prostitutes and then murdered those who threatened to turn him in.  The cops who investigate Det. Doe are never shown to change their minds about IAB, coming to realize that this is the exact type of power abuse that made their division necessary in the first place, and apologize for viewing them as one step lower than child rapists.  Nope, the cop who turns out to be a criminal is merely the exception and IAB is still evil.

This! They just hate them don't they! I was watching an early SVU episode and IAB come to visit the squad room.. our main character goes 'you can look in my desk but sorry i don't think i have any cheese in there for you' haha and being a very early episode it's not like they had any reason to hate 'the rat squad' so much. surely Our cops being Good cops they would be on the same side being against police corruption and all?? Anyway my point is here, in real life we have a general rule (don't know if it's written somewhere or unwritten but a rule all the same) that even when we really dislike a colleague or someone we have to work alongside from a different field, we have to be civil. that doesn't apply to tv, cops make sure Internal Affairs KNOW how much they hate them and the same with anyone else in the workplace they don't like they are outright rude and express their contempt towards them.. and NEVER get called on it. i know i would be told off for bitching about people i work with to their face, and probably be sacked if i continued to not be civil to them.. on tv they can say and do whatever they want to colleages and never get told off by superiors.

Edited July 6, 2014 by electraheartnataly

[Haleth]

Whenever someone has to bury a body (or anything for that matter) we see an initial few shovels full of dirt, cut away to a perfectly dug rectangle of sufficient depth.  I've dug many a hole for landscaping but I cannot figure out how these tv bad guys manage to dig a perfect rectangle in such a short time.

[DittyDotDot]

Backhoe, @Haleth, you need to get yourself a backhoe. That or else hire those Winchester's to show you how it's done. ;)

[shapeshifter]

I first bookmarked this graphic in 2010, but the apparent abilities to extract crime solving details from photos still seems to be the stuff of science fiction:

[DittyDotDot]

Bwah, ha, ha...ha...ha. That's hilarious and so spot on. It makes me laugh when they do that zoom in on a itsy bitsy bit of a photograph and shazaam, it looks clearer than the whole image did--which is total bullshit.  And these scenes always end with a "clever" and ironical line. Ha, Ha, Ha! Good one, @shapeshifter!