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Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

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1 hour ago, DoctorAtomic said:

What's going on at this library?!

 

Only the Continental Hotel grounds are off limits 

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1 hour ago, DoctorAtomic said:

 

Now I want to know when Netflix is going to commission "Public Library - Life On The Edge". 

 

Would it feature scenes with the female librarians taking off their glasses and shaking out their hair?

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12 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

Would it feature scenes with the female librarians taking off their glasses and shaking out their hair?

In slo-mo, of course.

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And the male characters will all suddenly start noticing how attractive the librarians have become.

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31 minutes ago, Hiyo said:

And the male characters will all suddenly start noticing how attractive the librarians have become.

But only after the librarian has removed her glasses, taken her hair out of a bun, and has then shaken her head around so her hair will flow in the breeze.  I tried this once and I did get some attention but it was only because I got dizzy while trying to shake my head around. 

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4 hours ago, Zella said:

I've long believed that there's untapped potential in a library sitcom. It's basically like Barney Miller there, without the cell to lock someone in. 

They could feature Lt. Bookman, the library cop from Seinfeld...

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On 7/13/2021 at 10:59 AM, BlackberryJam said:

I was a witness to a few car accidents, an assault and an incident of inappropriate policing. 

Every once in a while I will "test" my witness skills. Like, I used to get off the train after work and when I walk to my car try to describe the person who got off before me. Or while out somewhere, try to remember what I was doing at such and such o'clock the day before. 

I would be the worst witness ever. I envy those TV witnesses who remember that they were getting a latte behind a redhead wearing a Giants jersey at 2:30 last Thursday. I have no clue what I was doing at 2:30 today. Working, I assume, since it was during working hours, but other than that, I can't help ya copper. 

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1 hour ago, Mabinogia said:

Every once in a while I will "test" my witness skills. Like, I used to get off the train after work and when I walk to my car try to describe the person who got off before me. Or while out somewhere, try to remember what I was doing at such and such o'clock the day before. 

I would be the worst witness ever. I envy those TV witnesses who remember that they were getting a latte behind a redhead wearing a Giants jersey at 2:30 last Thursday. I have no clue what I was doing at 2:30 today. Working, I assume, since it was during working hours, but other than that, I can't help ya copper. 

When I was in college, I took a class on historical research for my history degree, and one of the exercises was documenting a day in your life, specifically what artifacts would be left from it. It was interesting (though my professor told us our lives were boring as we recounted out day-to-day schedules LOL), and the main point of it was that a lot of stuff doesn't get documented, and you have to be cognizant of this as a historian. 

But one of my other main takeaways was basically how much time I spent alone and without an alibi. 😂

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Just now, kiddo82 said:

I'm a bit of an introvert and almost never have an alibi outside of working hours.  If I'm ever accused of a crime I am effed.

LOL, same. We'd be the sort who'd be described by people as, "They were quiet, kept to themselves..." :p. 

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3 minutes ago, Annber03 said:

LOL, same. We'd be the sort who'd be described by people as, "They were quiet, kept to themselves..." :p. 

I actively avoided my upstairs neighbor earlier today to side step an awkward hello.  I literally crossed the street and pretended I was oblivious and lost in my headphones.

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I live alone, and I love it. I have no alibi unless any of the neighbors see me sitting out on the porch. 

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11 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I live alone, and I love it. I have no alibi unless any of the neighbors see me sitting out on the porch. 

I live alone too and rarely go out in these times. I am basically a hermit. I'd have no alibi unless it was one of the two days I go out a month to grocery shop.

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1 hour ago, kiddo82 said:

I'm a bit of an introvert and almost never have an alibi outside of working hours.  If I'm ever accused of a crime I am effed.

Since my cat wouldn't alibi me in an admissible language, I would have to subpoena detailed internet and satellite TV records to prove I was at home at the time, since that's where I usually am.  And if I was reading, cooking, etc. at that time, with not only no witnesses but no electronic record, yeah, I'd just have to emphasize the burden of proof.

A lot of people live alone, or live with someone who keeps different hours; the "well, that's not much of an alibi, is it?" sneering when someone says they were home alone at the time of X scene is particularly tired these days. 

Edited by Bastet
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My only alibi would be my internet activity.  And the fact that my phone's location wouldn't move.  Not terrific alibis but something. 

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34 minutes ago, Irlandesa said:

My only alibi would be my internet activity.  And the fact that my phone's location wouldn't move.  Not terrific alibis but something. 

Yeah, guess I could use that alibi too. I'm on the internet most of the day and my phone is in my pocket all the time so I guess I could have an alibi after all. 

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On TV the person who lives alone and therefore THINKS they would never have an alibi, will do something like have a timed receipt for a gas station.   They will produce it for the murder cops and say "See I couldn't have killed Colonel Mustard I was getting gas."   Except they will fail to notice that the time stamp actually puts them in the vicinity of the murder at the time or the murder time will be off due some environmental reason and they were actually getting gas after they dumped the body.   You know if the person who never has an alibi suddenly has one THEY DID IT.  

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16 hours ago, Zella said:

I've long believed that there's untapped potential in a library sitcom. It's basically like Barney Miller there, without the cell to lock someone in. 

Let's see, we could have a wise head librarian, a trivia buff with a head for obscure facts, a fashionista anxious to prove that librarians aren't boring and dowdy, an old guy/gal who worked there since the days of index card catalogues, a wannabe author writing a novel or a screenplay about the place... Or is the staff fairly normal and it's the patrons who are weird?

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I could maybe, sorta describe a person I saw if it was a weird situation happening but I am always amazed that people on tv can perfectly describe a car including the year. 
My description would be it was a dark car maybe black maybe blue. I think it was a 4 door but I’m not sure. I would never be asked to testify in court because my description would be useless.

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11 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

I actively avoided my upstairs neighbor earlier today to side step an awkward hello.  I literally crossed the street and pretended I was oblivious and lost in my headphones.

Speaking of earbuds, do a lot of people really use both earbuds (or any at all) when they are alone in the house?  I know if you have the wireless kind you have to use both of them, but I still have the wired ones and if I am wearing them in the house when I'm alone, I have one side out so I can hear a knock on the door or whatever.

I only ask because if you do wear them inside the house alone, you may want to reconsider because the likelihood of getting murdered by an intruder increases  significantly.

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I'm a bit of an introvert and almost never have an alibi outside of working hours.  If I'm ever accused of a crime I am effed.

Only until the real criminal is exposed; you're just the red herring that people think committed the crime.

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35 minutes ago, Shelbie said:

I could maybe, sorta describe a person I saw if it was a weird situation happening but I am always amazed that people on tv can perfectly describe a car including the year. 
My description would be it was a dark car maybe black maybe blue. I think it was a 4 door but I’m not sure. I would never be asked to testify in court because my description would be useless.

So, whenever I have a date and told my dad that I had a date, his first question is always, what kind of car does he drive.  (I actually have no idea why that is important).  My answer is usually red, blue, etc.  Sometimes I have lucked out and been able to give a fancy answer of pickup truck or SUV-type thing.

So, yeah, I'm with you.  My answer to the question, what kind of car was the hit and run vehicle is not going to be "a 2018 'electric storm blue' Toyota Prius with Oklahoma plate 649 3V8.  The driver was a man in his mid to late 30s with brown hair and blue eyes.  He was wearing an armani suit. As he drove by he shouted something in Russian, which I will now translate perfectly for you."

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52 minutes ago, Shelbie said:

I could maybe, sorta describe a person I saw if it was a weird situation happening but I am always amazed that people on tv can perfectly describe a car including the year. 
My description would be it was a dark car maybe black maybe blue. I think it was a 4 door but I’m not sure. I would never be asked to testify in court because my description would be useless.

L & O had this once.   Briscoe and Green were investigating a drive by shooting (?) and they were asking the witnesses for descriptions.   All over the place, one couple was arguing over the color of the guys sweater.   My favorite was the lady who said he was tall, 5'11'', 5'12''.

THEN there was the time when Logan and Briscoe were investigating something or other and they were walking in the neighborhood and talking to an older couple.   They got a good description of the car.   logan say "any chance you got the license plate."   Wife reaches into her pocket and pulls out a slip of paper with the plate # on it.   Husband proudly says "She's the Neighborhood Watch Captain" as the Wife just smiles.   Logan looks at the piece of paper, looks at the husband and says "You mind if I hug her?"   Wife looks happy to have the chance to hug Logan (who wouldn't?).

 

It is within the realm of possibility that I watch too much Law & Order.

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3 hours ago, GreekGeek said:

Let's see, we could have a wise head librarian, a trivia buff with a head for obscure facts, a fashionista anxious to prove that librarians aren't boring and dowdy, an old guy/gal who worked there since the days of index card catalogues, a wannabe author writing a novel or a screenplay about the place...

Are you secretly one of my co-workers? We have multiples of those except the wannabe writer (as far as I know).  There has to be a useless director, too.

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2 minutes ago, ABay said:

There has to be a useless director, too.

And if it's set in a public library you need the Mayor or one of the council members constantly trying to undermine the Chief Librarians decisions and of course keep trying to Cut the Budget.

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Tom referring to the librarians as “punk-ass book jockeys” is one of my favorite quotes from Parks & Rec. I also love that the public library was the nemesis of the Parks department. Finally, someone recognized the power of the library - do not mess with it!

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3 hours ago, GreekGeek said:

Let's see, we could have a wise head librarian, a trivia buff with a head for obscure facts, a fashionista anxious to prove that librarians aren't boring and dowdy, an old guy/gal who worked there since the days of index card catalogues, a wannabe author writing a novel or a screenplay about the place... Or is the staff fairly normal and it's the patrons who are weird?

Our staff is kind of pleasantly quirky but pale in comparison to the eccentric patrons. Lol

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Perfect for Guest Star Stunt Casting!

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3 hours ago, Shelbie said:

I could maybe, sorta describe a person I saw if it was a weird situation happening but I am always amazed that people on tv can perfectly describe a car including the year. 
My description would be it was a dark car maybe black maybe blue. I think it was a 4 door but I’m not sure. I would never be asked to testify in court because my description would be useless.

Same here. I'm not a car expert by any means, so the color would probably be the best you'd get out of me, too. Maybe, if I happened to be lucky enough to get part or all of the license plate and write it down, I might be able to do that, too, but it'd depend on how fast the car was going and how close I was to where I could read it. 

Also, as someone who worked in a public library, I would totally watch a series set in one :D. 

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1 hour ago, Annber03 said:

Same here. I'm not a car expert by any means, so the color would probably be the best you'd get out of me, too. Maybe, if I happened to be lucky enough to get part or all of the license plate and write it down, I might be able to do that, too, but it'd depend on how fast the car was going and how close I was to where I could read it. 

Also, as someone who worked in a public library, I would totally watch a series set in one :D. 

Hell yes! I don't know if shows have ever reflected this, but my friends who've worked at libraries have the most stories. I've thought about becoming a librarian myself. lol 

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13 hours ago, Irlandesa said:

My only alibi would be my internet activity.  And the fact that my phone's location wouldn't move.  Not terrific alibis but something. 

Actually that's a good point because you can easily see the IP and when we post here.

So now you all have to cover for me. 

I mean, we did have The Librarians that kind of had a library in it. 

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This conversation makes me wonder - has anyone used the alibi “I was in a Zoom meeting?” I suppose the success would depend on whether their camera was on.

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56 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

So now you all have to cover for me.

"Doctor Atomic? Who's that? Never heard of him..."

😄

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2 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

I suppose the success would depend on whether their camera was on.

I never turn the camera on for stuff like Zoom or GoToMeeting, so I'd be pretty screwed with that alibi. LOL 

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2 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

This conversation makes me wonder - has anyone used the alibi “I was in a Zoom meeting?” I suppose the success would depend on whether their camera was on.

And then of course all you have to do is make sure that the background looks like the background of your home/office, but in reality you could be sitting in a car outside your murder victims house.  Then you just excuse yourself for five minutes to do the job and the cops won't suspect you because you surely couldn't have made it to the victims house and back in the time you were off-camera.  (You'd probably need to spoof your IP address so it would look like you were where you were pretending to be...and I have spent way too much time thinking about this...)

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13 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I kind of have to put the camera on because I have to yell at people. 

 

Even when I'm talking and it's a small group of people I know and like, I don't have the camera on. Some of them have started turning off their cameras, too, and I'd like to think I've started a small antisocial revolution. 

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50 minutes ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I kind of have to put the camera on because I have to yell at people. 

 

Me too, but we're too cheap to use Zoom.  We have to use Teams.

Didn't you have someone in a monocle show up on one of your calls?

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On 7/22/2021 at 11:09 PM, shlbycindyk said:

But only after the librarian has removed her glasses, taken her hair out of a bun, and has then shaken her head around so her hair will flow in the breeze.  I tried this once and I did get some attention but it was only because I got dizzy while trying to shake my head around. 

Reminds me of a time a girl friend of mine and I were waiting for our respective planes at an airport in Barcelona. There was a very good looking woman with a bun and glasses in what looked like a work meeting at another table in the bar, and my friend says, figure it, now she removes the glasses and shakes her hair... We collapsed laughing. 

20 hours ago, kiddo82 said:

I'm a bit of an introvert and almost never have an alibi outside of working hours.  If I'm ever accused of a crime I am effed.

Well, on the flip side, on a weekly zoom class I take, I have the camera off, and the sound is mute most of the time. I could theoretically be able to zip and strangle someone and be back in time to make it like I never missed the class. If I could do it, you could too, you just need to sign up on a virtual class :)

18 hours ago, Bastet said:

Since my cat wouldn't alibi me in an admissible language, I would have to subpoena detailed internet and satellite TV records to prove I was at home at the time, since that's where I usually am.  And if I was reading, cooking, etc. at that time, with not only no witnesses but no electronic record, yeah, I'd just have to emphasize the burden of proof.

A lot of people live alone, or live with someone who keeps different hours; the "well, that's not much of an alibi, is it?" sneering when someone says they were home alone at the time of X scene is particularly tired these days. 

Ooooh, I love that. My cat is clever but not that good with internet or satellite tv so if I am not seen during my zoom class and get suspected of a crime I would definitely use this. 

16 hours ago, Zella said:

If I had to provide an alibi:

"No, nobody can vouch for my whereabouts, but if you look at my phone and internet records, you'll see that I was at home all day posting strident comments about pop culture on the internet and not murdering Colonel Mustard. But please don't look at my search history because that's weirdly incriminating. I was trying to fact-check the pop culture I have strident opinions on, you see." 

Probably why more and more series and movies are set in the past :)

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20 hours ago, DoctorAtomic said:

I live alone, and I love it. I have no alibi unless any of the neighbors see me sitting out on the porch. 

My next door neighbor died recently and it left me to the horrible realization that if I live to an old age (outlive my mum) and die in my home, I will very likely be found half eaten by my dog once my rotting corpse starts to stink up the neighborhood. 

It also led me to realize I have no clue who my neighbors are, and that I spend way too much time peeking out my window when someone comes to the building. (that's how I knew someone died. I saw the body being wheeled out on a gurney. It was all very Rear Window)

23 hours ago, Zella said:

When I was in college, I took a class on historical research for my history degree, and one of the exercises was documenting a day in your life, specifically what artifacts would be left from it

That would be the most boring document EVER. I got up. I ate oatmeal. I worked... sat at my work desk staring at my monitor for a few hours. I did laundry. I ate more. I thought about eating but was too lazy to get up. I attended a zoom meeting where I got to see someone's dog (highlight of my day). Then I posted stuff here and ate more. So, basically, primetimer is great hope for immortality. lol

Edited by Mabinogia · Reason: I didn't really work. I pretended to work
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45 minutes ago, NutMeg said:

Probably why more and more series and movies are set in the past :)

When I was watching The Rockford Files a couple of years ago, it dawned on me that a remake would have a really hard time with how much technology would alter the course of a lot of the episodes. Because poor Jim in the 1970s was having to break into the newspaper archive with Angel to find out something he could just Google today.  

That being said, I actually do really enjoy that approach to mysteries compared to modern TV shows that basically has some magical computer database answer every investigative question and query in minutes. 

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1 hour ago, Ceindreadh said:

And then of course all you have to do is make sure that the background looks like the background of your home/office, but in reality you could be sitting in a car outside your murder victims house.  Then you just excuse yourself for five minutes to do the job and the cops won't suspect you because you surely couldn't have made it to the victims house and back in the time you were off-camera.  (You'd probably need to spoof your IP address so it would look like you were where you were pretending to be...and I have spent way too much time thinking about this...)

You are a little scary - I love it.

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3 hours ago, meep.meep said:

Me too, but we're too cheap to use Zoom.  We have to use Teams.

Didn't you have someone in a monocle show up on one of your calls?

Teams is ass, in the technical sense. I had to do teams 4 times this week. 

I have the monocle guy though. Only the once. He just emails me to make excuses for not completing work from last year. 

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3 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

Then I posted stuff here and ate more. So, basically, primetimer is great hope for immortality. lol

In all honesty, I have bared as much, if not more, of my soul on this here website to you fine people than I usually do with folks I actually know.  It is a weird little diary if you think about it. 

3 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

You are a little scary - I love it.

I'm sure your namesake could solve the case though, MargeGunderson.

Edited by kiddo82
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On 7/22/2021 at 1:16 PM, DearEvette said:

I always laugh at how people always remember what they were doing on a certain date, though.

"Where were you on September 13th?"

"I was at my brother's house, we were grouting his tile, then we went out for beers."

Meanwhile I can barely remember what I was doing last Tuesday.

Yeah.  I mean I can see if you already knew that was the day someone was murdered and you got a call that day, your memories might cement around that.  Or if it's a holiday or something.  Other than that, I have no idea.  Like, I can specifically remember I got in a car accident and totalled my car on Sunday, September 9th 2001, but that's only because I remember I was on the phone with my insurance company 2 days later some time between 9 and 10 when a whole bunch of activity started happening at my office and all I heard was somethinga bout a plane crash.

 

Edited by Katy M
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13 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

My next door neighbor died recently and it left me to the horrible realization that if I live to an old age (outlive my mum) and die in my home, I will very likely be found half eaten by my dog once my rotting corpse starts to stink up the neighborhood. 

I lived alone for a long time.   After 9-11, I started to worry that I could go somewhere, be hit by a terrorist attack and if no one found my body, no one would know what happened to me.  So I started checking in with friends any time I went anywhere. 

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17 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

That would be the most boring document EVER. I got up. I ate oatmeal. I worked... sat at my work desk staring at my monitor for a few hours. I did laundry. I ate more. I thought about eating but was too lazy to get up. I attended a zoom meeting where I got to see someone's dog (highlight of my day). Then I posted stuff here and ate more. So, basically, primetimer is great hope for immortality. lol

Sometimes, as I’m going about my day, I’ll hear Peter Thomas(Forensic Files)narrating in my head:  “She left for the laundromat around 1:30 pm, returning about two hours later.”

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3 hours ago, smittykins said:

Sometimes, as I’m going about my day, I’ll hear Peter Thomas(Forensic Files)narrating in my head:  “She left for the laundromat around 1:30 pm, returning about two hours later.”

Lol I do that too. But my internal narrator is usually Keith Morrison. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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