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Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

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13 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

Can someone tell me if it's common in street/bar fights for one of the people involved to head butt the other one really hard?  I know adrenaline can help you to not feel pain as acutely as you would otherwise, but that's one move that I can imagine hurts like hell, no matter how amped up you are.

Ask any football player who sustained a severe neck injury.

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Everyone on TV throws up all dainty and shit. Always making just in time to the bathroom.

No one ever loses it on the sidewalk in front of the bar or sound like they're passing a watermelon. 

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TV and movie couples love to have rain sex. Nothing turns them on more than a pouring rainstorm. In real life no matter how horny I was if it was pouring rain outside I'd wait till I got to the car to get it on. I'm not dealing with all that mud.

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Yeah, doing it in the shower is less messy.

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3 hours ago, Hiyo said:

Yeah, doing it in the shower is less messy.

And warmer.

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No one has a guest room so every guest has to sleep on the couch or if the married couple gets into a fight, they also have to sleep in a shared living area.

This sometimes makes sense when it's a middle class family (parents + kids) but this also happens when a character is allegedly wealthy and living in a big mansion or ritzy apartment.  Suddenly, they don't even have a den.

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You run a company/state department.  Something is happening around you that is dangerous to people.  You call in a scientist whose expertise is in the field that the danger seems to be related to. The scientist gives you their first opinion based on the limited data at hand.  Instead of giving them the time, money, and resources to do further tests, you scoff at their idea and refuse their request.  

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Or the thing that is happening is the area of expertise of the ONE scientist that you professionally clashed with/was smarter than you and showed it all through school/is your ex so you refuse to call them in to solve the problem.   You in effect do everything in the power to show you know how to handle the situation (even though you clearly don't), and discredit them as a "mad scientist" with "crackpot theories."  

 

Pretty much EVERY disaster movie ever.

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Unless that expert is a member of the opposite sex. In that case all of the above will still happen but the two of you will then end up in bed eventually.

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16 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

You run a company/state department.  Something is happening around you that is dangerous to people.  You call in a scientist whose expertise is in the field that the danger seems to be related to. The scientist gives you their first opinion based on the limited data at hand.  Instead of giving them the time, money, and resources to do further tests, you scoff at their idea and refuse their request.  

Unfortunately that happens in real life too.

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Adult talent shows.  I'm sure they happen in real life but almost every show has the main group competing in some sort of interdepartmental or community talent show amongst the local small businesses for charity or something.  And it's always super competitive with "We have to win this year!" as if your personal success or failure hinges on whether the guy who owns the hardware store likes your lip sync rendition of You're The One That I Want.

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I'm in science. I never end up in bed with anyone! 

(Seriously, it's kind of frowned upon though.) 

South Park did an hilarious game on the 'scientist' trope in the one where Carman was pretending to be a robot. 

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On 4/14/2021 at 4:24 PM, Hiyo said:

Yeah, doing it in the shower is less messy.

 

On 4/14/2021 at 8:04 PM, Bastet said:

And warmer.

This reminds me of a hilarious comment I read a while back. It went something like, So I'm watching the show and the woman is crying in the shower. Her boyfriend comes and comforts her, then they have sex for an hour. And I'm here wondering - what water heater did they buy? 

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4 hours ago, bijoux said:

This reminds me of a hilarious comment I read a while back. It went something like, So I'm watching the show and the woman is crying in the shower. Her boyfriend comes and comforts her, then they have sex for an hour. And I'm here wondering - what water heater did they buy? 

Tankless! It never runs out.

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4 hours ago, bijoux said:

This reminds me of a hilarious comment I read a while back. It went something like, So I'm watching the show and the woman is crying in the shower. Her boyfriend comes and comforts her, then they have sex for an hour. And I'm here wondering - what water heater did they buy? 

On the subject of water - I love these shows set in what look like mansions to me - certainly very expensive high end homes anyway - but if someone flushes a toilet when another person is showering the person in the shower screams like a horror movie.  

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6 hours ago, bijoux said:

 

This reminds me of a hilarious comment I read a while back. It went something like, So I'm watching the show and the woman is crying in the shower. Her boyfriend comes and comforts her, then they have sex for an hour. And I'm here wondering - what water heater did they buy? 

Maybe the audience is supposed to believe that the duo's body heat somehow makes up for the colder water temps when they run out of actual hot water.

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23 minutes ago, Blergh said:

Maybe the audience is supposed to believe that the duo's body heat somehow makes up for the colder water temps when they run out of actual hot water.

My parents have some system that gives them neverending hot water (not that I think they're having shower sex).  Whenever I visit, I always ask my mom how I'm supposed to know my shower's over.  Because generally when i'm home, my shower is over when I run out of hot water about 5 minutes in.

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Does anyone here actually use a bag of frozen food (peas, whatever) for injuries instead of, you know, putting some ice in a ziplock?

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1 hour ago, kieyra said:

Does anyone here actually use a bag of frozen food (peas, whatever) for injuries instead of, you know, putting some ice in a ziplock?

I have. Not to get off-topic, but peas conform to a body part much better than ice cubes. And they probably do it on TV to save time: it's easier in a scene for someone to grab a bag of mixed veg than to wrangle a tray of ice into a ziplock.

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31 minutes ago, CoderLady said:

I have. Not to get off-topic, but peas conform to a body part much better than ice cubes. And they probably do it on TV to save time: it's easier in a scene for someone to grab a bag of mixed veg than to wrangle a tray of ice into a ziplock.

I was told by a doctor to use frozen peas when I had issues with my back for this reason.   I personally cannot stand peas, so I used frozen corn instead.   Because I'm cheap, and I'm not buying food to waste it.  

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4 hours ago, kieyra said:

Does anyone here actually use a bag of frozen food (peas, whatever) for injuries instead of, you know, putting some ice in a ziplock?

I've used a bag of frozen peas a time or two.

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The brand of reusable ice pack I have is called...wait for it...Peas.  It's filled with little slush balls that can contour to your body like an actual bag of peas.

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I've used both and would much rather use the frozen veggies precisely because of the shape issue. 

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Hmm. I have those gel ice pack thingies, they're kind of moldable.

I suppose in my head I would be wasting food by semi defrosting it. (Or do you cook it later?)

Anyway, this one seems to be busted as an 'only happens on tv' item. 

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2 hours ago, kieyra said:

Hmm. I have those gel ice pack thingies, they're kind of moldable.

I suppose in my head I would be wasting food by semi defrosting it. (Or do you cook it later?)

Anyway, this one seems to be busted as an 'only happens on tv' item. 

I ended up eating the frozen corn after I no longer needed it.  Hence buying corn instead of peas.  It's a bag of frozen peas, you could buy a bag to solely use as an ice pack.  But who has that kind of money laying around.  I kid, I come from a long line of cheapskates.   

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3 hours ago, kieyra said:

I suppose in my head I would be wasting food by semi defrosting it. (Or do you cook it later?)

I ended up putting the bag of peas into a Ziploc bag back in the freezer. I don't cook with it, but I do keep it around in case I need it as an ice pack again. Since it is in the Ziploc, I know not to cook with it.

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On 4/19/2021 at 5:00 PM, DoctorAtomic said:

I actually have ice packs. 

I have English Ice Bags.  You fill them with a mix of ice and water.

It is an extremely rare occasion that I would have a frozen bag of vegetables.

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I have some gel packs in the freezer, and an old-fashioned ice bag in the linen closet I filled with ice when I sprained my ankle a few years ago.  That's a good point about a bag of frozen peas or corn making a very good ice pack for injuries because of how well it would mold to your body.  But, like @meep.meep, I tend not to have a bag of frozen vegetables on hand.  Sometimes edamame, but that's about it.  I like the idea of the reusable ice pack of little gel balls called Peas.

I can't for the life of me remember what show it was, but I remember a scene in which someone went to get an ice pack out of the freezer at work, couldn't find one, but did emerge with a bag of frozen peas, leading them to wonder who was planning to eat peas for lunch and how they'd prepare them in a kitchen with no stove (this was before they made the "steamable" bags for cooking in the microwave).

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I keep a bag of frozen peas in the freezer to use when needed. That being said, my freezer mainly contains 3 things: 1. Many, many ice packs in many sizes, 2. Weight watchers meals, and 3. Frozen tubs of Hatch Green Chili that I buy whenever I go to Albuquerque. 

Frozen peas really to mold around the body parts. Also, I dislike maybe 4 vegetables, and regular peas are at the t of the list....

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Is it just me or do people on tv stand really close to each other when talking? I can understand if there's an attraction between the two characters-a flirty conversation-or if they don't want anyone else to hear them or if they are in a crowd, but otherwise, I look at them and I'm thinking "You're talking to your friend about your upcoming vacation.  Back up!".  That would drive me crazy.

If you were a preteen in 1997, then you're go-to song to cheer yourself and others up is Mmmbop.

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1 minute ago, Shannon L. said:

Is it just me or do people on tv stand really close to each other when talking? I can understand if there's an attraction between the two characters-a flirty conversation-or if they don't want anyone else to hear them or if they are in a crowd, but otherwise, I look at them and I'm thinking "You're talking to your friend about your upcoming vacation.  Back up!".  That would drive me crazy.

If you were a preteen in 1997, then you're go-to song to cheer yourself and others up is Mmmbop.

Time will tell if productions keep doing this after the worst part of COVID but you make a good point about too many programs beforehand having done that!

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1 hour ago, Shannon L. said:

Is it just me or do people on tv stand really close to each other when talking? I can understand if there's an attraction between the two characters-a flirty conversation-or if they don't want anyone else to hear them or if they are in a crowd, but otherwise, I look at them and I'm thinking "You're talking to your friend about your upcoming vacation.  Back up!".  That would drive me crazy.

I assume it's for framing. It's not natural but it allows both actors in a conversation to be completely seen.

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2 minutes ago, vibeology said:

I assume it's for framing. It's not natural but it allows both actors in a conversation to be completely seen.

That makes sense! It's also the reason why folks on TV hold objects  such as presents  up to  their upper chests and shoulders rather than merely above the waist when standing up.

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43 minutes ago, Blergh said:

That makes sense! It's also the reason why folks on TV hold objects  such as presents  up to  their upper chests and shoulders rather than merely above the waist when standing up.

Unless you're trying to camouflage a pregnancy.

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1 hour ago, DoctorAtomic said:

Didn't Seinfeld send that up?

They didn't send up the prevalence of it on TV, but they did have a character who had no concept of personal space (or any boundaries, really) - Elaine's boyfriend Aaron, better known as The Close Talker, played by Judge Reinhold.

Anyway, yes, unless they want to shoot everything in wide shots (which, of course, they don't), directors have to position actors closer together than would be typical in real life - just enough to be framed properly, hopefully while still looking if not completely natural, at least not distracting (obviously, it is not working on @Shannon L. 🙂).  There are many shows with scenes on their gag reel of the actors getting funny with exaggerated intimacy upon being asked to move in closer.

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I know some close talkers IRL, and I have to make sure that either I'm sitting down to talk to them or there's a counter or desk or something between us.  I'm not sure why my sitting down works to cause them to keep their distance, but it does.  Otherwise, they are within about 10 inches of me, and it is terribly awkward.

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I can be with friends if we're at a conference or event where there's a lot of background people talking. I've actually asked people if I'm standing too close. 

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On 4/19/2021 at 7:25 PM, kieyra said:

Does anyone here actually use a bag of frozen food (peas, whatever) for injuries instead of, you know, putting some ice in a ziplock?

Yes.  My dental surgeon actually recommended it when I had my wisdom teeth out.  I had peas and corn.  

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On 4/25/2021 at 8:47 AM, Shannon L. said:

Is it just me or do people on tv stand really close to each other when talking? I can understand if there's an attraction between the two characters-a flirty conversation-or if they don't want anyone else to hear them or if they are in a crowd, but otherwise, I look at them and I'm thinking "You're talking to your friend about your upcoming vacation.  Back up!".  That would drive me crazy.

I remember in an episode of Less than Perfect, Sara Rue was standing way close to Zachary Levi and did this thing where she patted him on the chest. It seemed both unrealistic and inappropriate for the workplace to me at the time. It has bothered me for 20 years. 😀

20 hours ago, Browncoat said:

I know some close talkers IRL, and I have to make sure that either I'm sitting down to talk to them or there's a counter or desk or something between us.  I'm not sure why my sitting down works to cause them to keep their distance, but it does.  Otherwise, they are within about 10 inches of me, and it is terribly awkward.

They probably don't want to loom over you.

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How many times have any of us been invited over to meet with all the other ex's of an ex boyfriend so we can discuss with him where he went wrong in our relationship so he can learn and move on?  Happens all the time, right?  

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59 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

How many times have any of us been invited over to meet with all the other ex's of an ex boyfriend so we can discuss with him where he went wrong in our relationship so he can learn and move on?  Happens all the time, right?  

A lot of men would benefit from the Marie Barone sit down.  

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Statistics say that about 95% of police officers never fire their weapon during their careers.  They also say that on about 1% of the homicides are by serial killers and the majority of them average 3 murders a year.  You'd never know either of these things by watching tv. 

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3 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

Statistics say that about 95% of police officers never fire their weapon during their careers.  They also say that on about 1% of the homicides are by serial killers and the majority of them average 3 murders a year.  You'd never know either of these things by watching tv. 

Maybe those creating TV dramas read that the other way round: 1% of police officers never fire their weapon during their careers and 95% of homicides are by serial killers. At least that's how it works on tv.

 

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3 hours ago, Shannon L. said:

Statistics say that about 95% of police officers never fire their weapon during their careers.  They also say that on about 1% of the homicides are by serial killers and the majority of them average 3 murders a year.  You'd never know either of these things by watching tv. 

Based on dexter miami is full of serial killers.   

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