S02.E05: Smashelorette

[OnceSane]

Quote

Lauren's twin sister returns to the Hamptons for their older sister's bachelorette weekend but is not happy to see how cozy Carl and Lauren have become; Lindsay goes on her first date since Everett; Stephen puts his issues with Carl out on the table.

[Pickles]

Good lord, Amanda was falling out of her dress at the start of the show.

[Fiero425]

Poor Lauren is so pathetic! Carl's abusing her and she continues to follow him around like a puppy! WTH is wrong with this girl? Her sister probably shouldn't be meddling, but she needs an intervention! ;-)

[rho]

"I am so happy that Ashley is back" - Stephen, the high prince of spilling tea

Who knew Lauren wasn't the crazy twin?! They're both batshit drama queens. How refreshing! 

[Fiero425]

1 hour ago, rho said:

"I am so happy that Ashley is back" - Stephen, the high prince of spilling tea

Who knew Lauren wasn't the crazy twin?! They're both batshit drama queens. How refreshing! 

Carl was on WWHL tonight and it appears that was a real D!ck move by Stephen referencing something told to him in confidence! Hard to believe Carl can get my sympathy after all he's said and done, but Stephen was way out of line! Why bring up something that happened 10 years ago? Stephen's on my $#!t list! That was a RHW maneuver to gain shock and attention and all it does is make me disgusted! He's mooning over maybe someone else got a taste and he didn't! Idiot! ;-(

Edited February 20, 2018 by Fiero425

[Thumper]

23 minutes ago, Fiero425 said:

Carl was on WWHL tonight and it appears that was a real D!ck move by Stephen referencing something told to him in confidence! Hard to believe Carl can get my sympathy after all he's said and done, but Stephen was way out of line! Why bring up something that happened 10 years ago? Stephen's on my $#!t list! That was a RHW maneuver to gain shock and attention and all it does is make me disgusted! He's mooning over maybe someone else got a taste and he didn't! Idiot! ;-(

I don't understand.  Explain, please.  What was told in confidence, and what happened 10 years ago?

Not sure about Carl or Stephen at this point.

[Fiero425]

16 minutes ago, Thumper said:

I don't understand.  Explain, please.  What was told in confidence, and what happened 10 years ago?

Not sure about Carl or Stephen at this point.

I thought it looked so jealous of Stephen to bring this up! Carl must have told Stephen the best "head" he's ever gotten was from a boy 10 years ago! It bothered Carl and he's been overcompensating ever since! He made a mistake telling Stephen, probably in a drunken stupor, and now that he's PO'd with Carl, Stephen's decided to bring it up and rat him out as something that was bothering him! It made no sense at all! ;-)

Edited February 20, 2018 by Fiero425

[biakbiak]

Lauen is crazy but she is in abusive relationship with Ashley, the way Ashley was yelling at her for cleaning up the watermelon that Ashley threw and then attempted to make it seem was Carl's fault was insane. Though I did crack up when Kyle picked up a piece and started eating it.

[zoeysmom]

5 hours ago, biakbiak said:

Lauen is crazy but she is in abusive relationship with Ashley, the way Ashley was yelling at her for cleaning up the watermelon that Ashley threw and then attempted to make it seem was Carl's fault was insane. Though I did crack up when Kyle picked up a piece and started eating it.

Carl seems to be trying to make amends with Lauren:  

[ghoulina]

Ashley is right about Carl, but she is being such a nasty bitch about it. SHE smashes the watermelon, Lauren cleans it up, and somehow this is an example of Lauren letting CARL walk all over her? 

I do not like Stephen and Ashley together. Mean Girls. I do want to know more about Stephen's beef with Carl, and I'm sure he has valid complaints, but he's being kind of a brat about it. Especially concerning Amit. And, in no way, do I think it was appropriate for Ashley to tag along when Stephen and Carl had their chat. 

 

Lindsey is just sloppy and too aggressive. I bet that guy would have been into her if she wasn't so obvious. As it is, he had to sneak out first thing in the am. Sheesh. And put your weird cleavage away. 

 

I can't help it, I find Kyle and Amanda adorable. I hope I'm watching the start of the real deal. 

[Mr. Miner]

Carl hooked up with Sheana from VPR, he admitted it on WWHL.

[Stan39]

1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

Ashley is right about Carl, but she is being such a nasty bitch about it. SHE smashes the watermelon, Lauren cleans it up, and somehow this is an example of Lauren letting CARL walk all over her? 

I do not like Stephen and Ashley together. Mean Girls. I do want to know more about Stephen's beef with Carl, and I'm sure he has valid complaints, but he's being kind of a brat about it. Especially concerning Amit. And, in no way, do I think it was appropriate for Ashley to tag along when Stephen and Carl had their chat. 

 

Lindsey is just sloppy and too aggressive. I bet that guy would have been into her if she wasn't so obvious. As it is, he had to sneak out first thing in the am. Sheesh. And put your weird cleavage away. 

 

I can't help it, I find Kyle and Amanda adorable. I hope I'm watching the start of the real deal. 

Stephen is insufferable. I know people like him, they have some perceived slight against them then think they're martyrs for holding it in and being miserable around people. Look, Carl is an ass, but we've seen him try multiple times to get Stephen to tell him what's wrong and Stephen has balked at it. Then says he's been holding it in for months? Wtf? And I don't know where this conversation is headed, but what a dick move to say something on air that Carl mentioned in confidence. I'm not really sure why it's Stephen's business or why he's handling things this way. 

 

Gawd, Lindsay, get it together. Getting laid is one thing, but don't complain about not being married then try to hook up with the 25-year-old personal trainer. It's the same as the 30-something guys that aren't married but hit on hot bartenders. She needs to look for more mature men (even though they may not have killer abs). 

[DFWGina]

1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

Lindsey is just sloppy and too aggressive. I bet that guy would have been into her if she wasn't so obvious. As it is, he had to sneak out first thing in the am. Sheesh. And put your weird cleavage away. 

Lindsey was pathetic with that guy.  It was so disgusting and embarassing for her that she was soooo into him.   UGH.  And yes that dress/top was doing her no favors at lunch.  ICK.

[Fiero425]

8 minutes ago, Mr. Minor said:

Carl hooked up with Sheana from VPR, he admitted it on WWHL.

IDK why, but Stassi brought it up a while ago on WWHL! It's unbelievable how each of these women can be skanks of varying degrees, but are always referencing other people's hookups! ;-)

3 minutes ago, DFWGina said:

Lindsey was pathetic with that guy.  It was so disgusting and embarrassing for her that she was soooo into him.   UGH.  And yes that dress/top was doing her no favors at lunch.  ICK.

She's been so gross of late! I don't understand it! She has it all, but is now "throwing" herself at any piece of meat trying to get over Everett who's no prize! She definitely needs a more mature guy! ;-)

[ghoulina]

13 minutes ago, DFWGina said:

Lindsey was pathetic with that guy.  It was so disgusting and embarassing for her that she was soooo into him.   UGH.  And yes that dress/top was doing her no favors at lunch.  ICK.

He called her "bro" on the ride back. Enough said. 

[AttackTurtle]

Stephen is a complete asshole and has achieved the nearly impossible feat of making me side with Carl.  Stephen has just recently been comfortable with coming out, so the idea that he would share Carl’s story on camera is totally vile. And why the hell does he care so much about Carl and Lauren....other than he’s delusional and he wants to be sharing a bed with Carl.

[OnceSane]

Stephen is absolutely jealous…of Lauren and the unnamed dude who blew Carl.  I feel like Stephen took Carl's story as an admission that he might be bisexual.  And Stephen thought he had a chance with Carl.  But Carl isn't gay or bi, from all accounts, and I don't think Stephen would be his type if Carl was either.  Stephen wants Carl and has from the first episode…and he's all in his feels that Carl doesn't feel the same way.

When Ashley and Lauren get along, they're annoying AF but manageable.  When they're fighting, I want to punch them in their tits.

So Amanda and Kyle have a better relationship when they spend as little time together as possible…I hear wedding bells! /s

[sugarbaker design]

3 hours ago, OnceSane said:

When Ashley and Lauren get along, they're annoying AF but manageable.  When they're fighting, I want to punch them in their tits.

Reminds me of what a poster said when the first episode aired.  Something along the lines of "When I see the Workus sisters I see tall, blonde, gorgeous frogs."

[FozzyBear]

This is super bitchy and superficial of me, but Lindsey does not have attractive clevage. Without a bra they look saggy. I’m horrible. I’ll see myself out.

Except I won’t!

Everyone needs to get over Carl and Lauren. Including Carl and Lauren! Sure they’re ridiculous, but they seem to do okayish when everyone isn’t getting involved.

Also, Ashley is legit crazy. Like completely could murder someone crazy. Knowing that Lauren has always played 2nd banana to that level of bat shit makes her relationship with Carl make more sense.

Stephen wants Carl so bad. He’s never hidden it well. It was obvious last season and it’s obvious now. His disapproval of Lauren is all jealousy. I don’t like Carl and I don’t much like Stephen, but they just can’t  be friends while Stephen is still in love with Carl. Nothing Carl does is going to be good enough until Stephen’s feelings change. I think the big “Carl might be bi” or whatever bomb Stephen thinks he dropped just proves it. He thought he had a shot with Carl and he’s hurt Carl chose Lauren over him.

I think I’m all good on Werkus. That family is fucking annoying. Way too much wo-whoing in that gene pool.

Edited February 21, 2018 by FozzyBear

[walnutqueen]

9 hours ago, zoeysmom said:

Carl seems to be trying to make amends with Lauren:  

P.S.  The best head I ever got was from a teenage boy, but I wuv you anyways, horseface.

[Double A]

1 hour ago, FozzyBear said:

Also, Ashley is legit crazy. Like completely could murder someone crazy. Knowing that Lauren has always played 2nd banana to that level of bat shit makes her relationship with Carl make more sense.

This. Ashley olympic level competes with Carl on dominating Lauren.

[Stan39]

55 minutes ago, Double A said:

This. Ashley olympic level competes with Carl on dominating Lauren.

As soon as Ashley thinks she's right about anything, she thinks that justifies everything she does. I feel so sorry for her husband. I know these people act up a little for the cameras, but Ashley can be just as big of an asshole as Carl. 

[lunastartron]

So, within the span of, what, two episodes? Stephen unironically goes from boo hooing about how difficult and traumatic coming out for him has been ...

... to outing on national television details about Carl's sexual history that were made off-camera and in confidence.

That is probably among the top echelon of despicable shit I've witnessed on Bravo, which, for all of Andy's self-appointed policing of the way in which perspectives on homosexuality are articulated on the network, seems to be really going all in for these dumb attempts at titillation with speculation about the sexual orientation of particular male cast members (i.e. James Kennedy). 

As an aside, I didn't watch last season but Carl actually seems like one of if not the most mature and well adjusted of the bunch not just on the show but on the network at large. From what I've seen, he was pretty clear about where he and Lauren stood and that he didn't intend to be monogamous this year. Likewise, he apologized (for what reason, I'm not sure) as soon as he realized Stephen was displeased with him post-Pride. And apologized again, all while in plain English emphasizing that he wanted to do in reason what it took to repair their dynamic. How many Housewives would do that rather than grousing about how hurt they themselves were?

Edited February 20, 2018 by lunastartron

[FozzyBear]

3 minutes ago, Stan39 said:

As soon as Ashley thinks she's right about anything, she thinks that justifies everything she does. I feel so sorry for her husband. I know these people act up a little for the cameras, but Ashley can be just as big of an asshole as Carl. 

She also seems to be one of those people who thinks they way she lives her life is the only correct way to do it and if people want to be happy they should just be like her. She met her husband young and didn’t seem to do any casual dating so Lauren shouldn’t do any casual dating and should get married as soon as possible. 

I don’t think she’s wrong about Carl. I do think Carl uses people and is just a general shit. But her inability not to go level 10 nuts over Lauren making different life choices is disturbing. And her talking head about how Lauren will never admit when she is wrong was scary. You threw a watermelon bitch! Threw! A! Watermelon! What is Lauren supposed to admit she was wrong about?

[rho]

1 hour ago, FozzyBear said:

She also seems to be one of those people who thinks they way she lives her life is the only correct way to do it and if people want to be happy they should just be like her. She met her husband young and didn’t seem to do any casual dating so Lauren shouldn’t do any casual dating and should get married as soon as possible. 

I don’t think she’s wrong about Carl. I do think Carl uses people and is just a general shit. But her inability not to go level 10 nuts over Lauren making different life choices is disturbing. And her talking head about how Lauren will never admit when she is wrong was scary. You threw a watermelon bitch! Threw! A! Watermelon! What is Lauren supposed to admit she was wrong about?

This really can't be said enough!! Ashley is violently insane!!

[FozzyBear]

16 minutes ago, rho said:

This really can't be said enough!! Ashley is violently insane!!

I feel like a watermelon hasn’t been this important to a plot twist since Dirty Dancing.

[ghoulina]

2 hours ago, Double A said:

This. Ashley olympic level competes with Carl on dominating Lauren.

Exactly. It's not about Carl being wrong for Lauren. It's about Lauren not listening to Ashley. Their dynamic is really disturbing. Watching Lauren clean up Ashley's broken watermelon (anyone else terrified that was a bowling ball in previews?) was like watching a domestic violence victim. 

 

Carl is definitely a creep, though. Yea, he SAYS he just wants to be friends, but he sends mixed signals. Like getting all jealous of the dude Lauren was talking to and sending all the guys out. But if SHE exhibits any jealousy, he starts yelling at her. 

They're all fucked. 

[bichonblitz]

10 hours ago, AttackTurtle said:

And why the hell does he care so much about Carl and Lauren....other than he’s delusional and he wants to be sharing a bed with Carl.

And he needs a storyline. Why else is he on this show and sharing a house with a bunch of straight assholes?. 

[Thumper]

Lauren smashes a cake in someone's (Carl's) face

Ashley smashes a watermelon in front of Lauren

Both go for the drama

[Rubyslippahz]

On February 19, 2018 at 9:11 PM, Pickles said:

Good lord, Amanda was falling out of her dress at the start of the show.

Yeah also falling out of a different dress later in the show.   Plus Lindsey's boobsout dress on her big "date".

10 hours ago, FozzyBear said:

 

I think I’m all good on Werkus. That family is fucking annoying. Way too much wo-whoing in that gene pool.

Speaking of boobs, and annoying, remember when Mama Wirkus was on last season and they were all bragging about how they used to flash tit at other motorists while they were at stop signs?   And she's back next episode yayyyyyyy.  

Random but I think I've heard Ashley and Lauren say they were identical twins and I was surprised.   I think they look fraternal.  

[biakbiak]

6 minutes ago, Rubyslippahz said:

remember when Mama Wirkus was on last season and they were all bragging about how they used to flash tit at other motorists while they were at stop signs?   And she's back next episode yayyyyyyy.  

When they were in high school? Like wtf Mother Wirkus!

I thought Lindsey was estranged from her mother, was it her father she is estranged from or is next week going to be aunt.

[ghoulina]

8 hours ago, Rubyslippahz said:

Random but I think I've heard Ashley and Lauren say they were identical twins and I was surprised.   I think they look fraternal.  

Huh. I have a hard time telling them apart when they're not together. I can only tell because Ashley's hair is lighter. 

[sugarbaker design]

26 minutes ago, ghoulina said:

Huh. I have a hard time telling them apart when they're not together. I can only tell because Ashley's hair is lighter. 

Same here.

I only started watching recently.  Does Kyle fart in every episode?  

[Tigger57]

I think everyone on the show is nuts!  Ashley abuses her sister just as much as Carl does!  After Monday nights episode I have decided that Stephen is the person I hate most on any reality show I watch! What a terrible thing to do to Carl.  That was told in confidence and to air it on national   TV is unforgivable.

[Fiero425]

48 minutes ago, Tigger57 said:

I think everyone on the show is nuts!  Ashley abuses her sister just as much as Carl does!  After Monday nights episode I have decided that Stephen is the person I hate most on any reality show I watch! What a terrible thing to do to Carl.  That was told in confidence and to air it on national   TV is unforgivable.

Only an A-hole like Stephen could make me feel sympathy for Carl! He seems to be the most repressed with a lot of passive aggressiveness that's coming to the fore for all to see! He's heinous in so many ways! I wonder will Carl forgive him? A lame apology wouldn't be enough for me, but I'm old and not as understanding as I once was! ;-(

[bichonblitz]

5 hours ago, sugarbaker design said:

I only started watching recently.  Does Kyle fart in every episode?  

Probably. And to think he's the oldest one of this bunch. 35 I think. Time to grow up, loser. 

[RealitytvLover]

Yes it's about time! I never liked Debbie Downer Stephen, and found it so odd that many viewers did. He just proved himself to be the biggest asshole in the house with the Carl situation. 

[ExplainItAgain]

I think Lindsey is really pretty - but she's so annoying and that ruins it. She's also way too aggressive with guys - like, don't be so desperate girl.

I also think Amanda is really pretty and she could do so much better than Kyle.

I think Lauren has messed with her face more than Ashley so it's easier for me to tell them apart.

[Maharincess]

12 hours ago, ghoulina said:

Huh. I have a hard time telling them apart when they're not together. I can only tell because Ashley's hair is lighter. 

The only way I can tell them apart is that Lauren has a mole over her eyebrow. Other than that, they look pretty identical to me. My son is good friends with fraternal twins who looked nothing like each other, they don't even look like brothers, let alone twins.  Genetics are crazy. 

[biakbiak]

I actually don't think they look much a like for twins.

[Peper81]

I don't know what the hell was going through Stephen's mind when he decided to spill Carl's secret as a way of leading into how Carl did him wrong.  It made no sense and seems to have nothing to do with anything.  Unless Carl said the best head he got was from Stephen then I don't know why Stephen is bringing it up.  It's not Carl's fault that he is not into Stephen and whether Carl is straight, gay or bi-sexual it doesn't seem like it would matter because he's just not into Stephen.  I actually feel bad for Carl and I would've just walked out and told Stephen to never contact or speak to me again because he's a shit person not worth knowing. 

That said, I still don't care for Carl.  While I think Ashley throwing the watermelon was next level crazy, I think her point in yelling at Lauren cleaning it up was that Carl didn't bother to help her.  He left her there all alone to clean it up.  I actually felt bad for her in that moment.  He should've been there helping her.  That's what you do as a friend.  He wasn't even yelling at Ashley for being a crazy person, he just exited stage left.  That will always be Carl's problem.  He will always run away when the other person really needs him.  He's a good time Charlie not the kind of guy for a long-lasting relationship.  While I think the social media posting was sweet, I think it'll just be more false hope for Lauren.  

Poor Amit.  Getting the stink eye from Stephen has to be frustrating.  Amit seems to be a pretty chill dude so I'm surprised he hasn't chosen to stay back a weekend like Danielle to get away from these crazies.  

I like Kyle and I like Amanda but she can do better.  Boy needs to grow the hell up.  

I'm good if I never see another Wirkus again.  

[heatherchandler]

16 hours ago, ExplainItAgain said:

I think Lindsey is really pretty - but she's so annoying and that ruins it. She's also way too aggressive with guys - like, don't be so desperate girl.

I also think Amanda is really pretty and she could do so much better than Kyle.

I think Lauren has messed with her face more than Ashley so it's easier for me to tell them apart.

Really?  I find her heinous looking.  Her face is creepy to me.

Her body is amazing, but she's a but-her-face.

[ghoulina]

3 hours ago, Peper81 said:

That said, I still don't care for Carl.  While I think Ashley throwing the watermelon was next level crazy, I think her point in yelling at Lauren cleaning it up was that Carl didn't bother to help her.  He left her there all alone to clean it up.  I actually felt bad for her in that moment.  He should've been there helping her.  That's what you do as a friend.

But why was LAUREN cleaning it up at all? She didn't throw it. Did Carl walk away before the clean up actually took place? Maybe he assumed Ashley would clean up her own mess. 

[Peper81]

1 hour ago, ghoulina said:

But why was LAUREN cleaning it up at all? She didn't throw it. Did Carl walk away before the clean up actually took place? Maybe he assumed Ashley would clean up her own mess. 

I believe he was still in the room when Ashley walked away after throwing the watermelon.  Ashley then came back a few minutes later and started berating her sister for cleaning it up.  Again, I'm not defending what Ashley did at all.  She shouldn't have done it, period.  My only point is that as a friend I would've stayed and helped my other friend clean up the mess or I would be in Ashley's face telling her to get in there and clean up her own mess in defense of said friend.  I just wish Carl would actually be loyal and present for his friends.

Edited February 22, 2018 by Peper81

[biakbiak]

1 hour ago, Peper81 said:

My only point is that as a friend I would've stayed and helped my other friend clean up the mess or I would be in Ashley's face telling her to get in there and clean up her own mess in defense of said friend.  I just wish Carl would actually be loyal and present for his friends.

But Lauren and Carl were arguing at that point and he had asked her to leave him alone in his room and she refused when Ashley decide to throw the watermelon so he was pissed at both of them. I mean I think Carl was ridiculous to get so pissed at Lauren about the girlfriend comment but Lauren wouldn't leave him alone when he asked.

[Fiero425]

46 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

But Lauren and Carl were arguing at that point and he had asked her to leave him alone in his room and she refused when Ashley decide to throw the watermelon so he was pissed at both of them. I mean I think Carl was ridiculous to get so pissed at Lauren about the girlfriend comment but Lauren wouldn't leave him alone when he asked.

Was it my imagination, but did Lauren storm into his room, then his bathroom without knocking? She went well over the line as far I can tell and cleaning up the watermelon should have been cleaned up by both the twins! They're the ones getting hysterical and losing control on TV for all to see! ;-)

[SFoster21]

On 2/20/2018 at 11:49 PM, Thumper said:

Lauren smashes a cake in someone's (Carl's) face

Ashley smashes a watermelon in front of Lauren

Both go for the drama

Who raised these clowns?  They are embarassing.

[ghoulina]

20 hours ago, Fiero425 said:

Was it my imagination, but did Lauren storm into his room, then his bathroom without knocking? She went well over the line as far I can tell and cleaning up the watermelon should have been cleaned up by both the twins! They're the ones getting hysterical and losing control on TV for all to see! ;-)

No, she did. She started yelling at him because Ashley was yelling at her! Can we say dysfunction?

[cheewhiz]

On 20/02/2018 at 6:03 AM, zoeysmom said:

 

nm

[SarahPrtr]

So sick of hearing the word 'chemistry' in regards to the relationship between Lauren and Carl.  Bitches, there's nothing there.  Lauren was only interested in Carl because she wanted what Ashley has and because Carl is much taller than her.  My friend's sister was almost 6 feet tall when she was 15 years old and said that when you're that tall, all boys who are taller than you suddenly seem interesting.  She actually ended up marrying a really sweet guy who's two inches shorter, but my point is, Lauren only thinks that she has chemistry with Carl because he successfully seduced her very quickly and because he's taller.  There are even dating websites exclusively for tall people.  

 

Why would you want to date someone who brushes his teeth with a HAIRbrush??!!!  The way Carl parts his hair always makes him look lopsided.  His face from the side looks okay but when you're looking at him straight on, he's not handsome at all.

 

People are wondering why Lauren's face looks odd, and I think it's because it looks like one of those squishy, rubbery stressballs where you squeeze in the middle and the top and bottom parts bulge out.

 

Any time douchebags like Carl say that they don't understand why people are upset with them, the answer is so obvious to me - because your actions don't match what you say.  They say one thing and do something else.  But they're either really effing dumb or oblivious that they don't understand what they're doing.  So stupid. I actually skipped over the bullshit 'heart-to-heart' that Carl was trying to have with Stephen because I knew it was going to be nothing but lies.  You can't lose him as a friend.  He was never your friend and he doesn't know how to be one.  Why tf would you want a slimy pus like Carl to be your friend?

 

I think Lindsay has a nice body, but I just can't stand the way she dresses up top.  I'm all for 'if you've got them, show them', but she's doing it all wrong.  You can have small breasts and dress nicely to show your cleavage.  The way she's ALWAYS wearing those ridiculous open tops with so much space between the boobs looks too try-hard.