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David T. Cole

United Kingdom (Royaume-Uni): Brit Flop

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Apparently in the early days the UK won a lot.  But isn't it the general assumption now that the UK knows that the rest of Europe will never allow it to do well again, so they put up half-assed talent?  

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Frankly, as a Brit myself, I get pissed off at the whole Conspiracy Theory of why the UK doesn't win. My controversial theory: it's because we don't put forward very good songs. I have a similar theory as to why we don't win the World Cup - England aren't that good.

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Yeah, it's hard to buy into conspiracy theories when you keep sending acts like Scooch and Engelbert Humperdinck.

 

And now, some British Eurovision history. First, last year's entrant, Bonnie Freaking Tyler, strangling some cats:

 

2010's "That Sounds Good to Me", which hilariously... does not, and yet has been one of the UK's less awful/anachronistic recent entries:

 

2001's "No Dream Impossible", which I don't actually hate as much as I think I'm supposed to:

 

1981's winner, "Making Your Mind Up" by Bucks Fizz, generally regarded as the harbinger of Eurovision costume reveals:

 

1974's "Long Live Love", performed by Olivia Newton-John and finishing fourth to a forgettable Swedish band:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHe9l9JYMLg

 

1969's "Boom Bang-a-Bang", one of four tied winners and notoriously (1) hated by its performer Lulu and (2) banned by the BBC during the Gulf War because of its title:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp1Q4-Imt70

 

2003's "Cry Baby", the only UK act ever to score a grand total of nul points (zero points):

 

I'M SORRY. And finally 2000's "Don't Play That Song Again", which is the only real response to the above video:

 

(Mods, if any of you read this, can we get the title changed to "United Kingdom (Royaume-Uni): Brit Flop"? I decided too late to add the French country names to the thread titles in true Eurovision tradition.)

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Yeah, it's hard to buy into conspiracy theories when you keep sending acts like Scooch and Engelbert Humperdinck.

 

And now, some British Eurovision history. First, last year's entrant, Bonnie Freaking Tyler, strangling some cats:

Exactly. In a country which currently has young relevant talent, like I dunno... Adele.  Or Jessie J.  Or Ellie Goulding.  Or Emeli Sande.  Or Lily Allen.  Or Taio Cruz.  Or Labrinth. Or Ed Sheeran.  Or tons of current people who haven't "broken" yet worldwide, but would play well in Europe.  Or if you go with groups, there's even more talent (everyone from The Arctic Monkeys to The Script, and dozens of others making hits um... right now). 

 

And then the backlog of talent, who are STILL far more relevant than Bonnie Tyler or, ehem... Engelbert Humperdinck.  I mean even going "old", you have great people like Seal. Or REALLY old, even Tom Jones.  Or someone you know... actually still semi-relevant.

 

If it seems so much like a joke well... it almost has to be.  I mean unless the rules actually SAY you have to put up either an unknown or someone who's totally washed up.

 

I mean at least in 1969, Lulu was actually you know... a contemporary star.  But from what I've always heard about current UK Eurovision, it wouldn't be a surprise if Lulu had been a current candidate.  

Edited by Kromm

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