Criminal Quotes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Marcia: Nobody gets killed in Brentwood.
Vannatter: Well, one of the victims is the ex-wife of O.J. Simpson. 
Marcia: Who? 
Vannatter: Marcia, O.J. Simpson. You know, the football player.
Marcia: Yeah, I have no idea who you're talking about.
Vannatter: Marcia, O. J. The Juice? He's a movie star. You know, he's in The Naked Gun movie. He's the guy in the, uh, the, uh, Hertz commercials.
Marcia: Oh, yeah, that guy.

Johnnie: Honey, where's my Hugo Boss? I swear that girl hides my clothes. I got nothing to wear! I got a thousand million things to do today. I got to stop by the DA's. Meet with the Taylor family. Do a TV appearance. So I can't dress too festive. I need to be strong, uplifting.
Sylvia: Okay, what about lime green?
Johnie: Lime gre-- that would be exceptional. Except then I got to run out to Neverland. MJ's got some new pile of commotion, so I can't wear lime-- Michael's afraid of that color. I never met someone with so many phobias.
Sylvia: Nobody said your job would be easy. All right, what about purple?
Johnnie: Purple? Well, that would be fine-- no, I don't want to look like no grape.

Johnnie: The police commission determined the officer acted in self-defense. The officers were scared. There were seven of them with guns up against one mentally ill woman with a knife.
Chris: Johnnie, I tried. You know all they had to claim was that their lives were in danger. 
Johnnie: Danger. They shot her in the back. You know, it's remarkable to me how many black folks get shot in the backside while they're attacking. Like they're going backwards and forwards at the same time.

Kardashian: O.J., is it, is it impolite to ask? 
O.J.: No, man, talk to me.
Kardashian: I mean, what is Howard's game plan?
O.J.: I don't know what Howard's- That's what I keep telling you.
Kardashian: I mean, why'd he let you get cuffed like that?!
O.J.: That's what I'm saying! Why was I cuffed on? And now it's all over TV!
Kardashian: Not only that, why did he let you get interviewed?
O.J.: Whatever they asked me, I talked to them! Cause I told them I had nothing to hide! What do I got to hide?! Juice ain't got nothing to hide!
Kardashian: Why in the hell were you in there alone?
O.J.: I don't know, man. I don't- These are good questions.

Shapiro: So Brando came to me, weeping. He said, "My son is facing life in prison. Bob, can you help?" So I'm busy, but it's Marlon, so I go to the DA and explain you cannot prove premeditation. Guns go off.

Johnnie: I ain't been this popular since the riots. Famous black man in trouble, the TV shows go down the list: Jesse, Sharpton, me.

Makeup artist: His lawyer Robert Shapiro is heading his defense team.
Johnnie: Robert Shapiro.
Makeup artist: You know him?
Johnnie: Yeah, he's great if you smash your Rolls drunk on Mulholland, but he's a plea bargain guy. He ain't no litigator.
Makeup artist? What if O.J. asked you to help?
Johnnie: Me? Oh, no. No. I like to win.

Photographer Joe: Who the hell brings their lawyer to a funeral?

Shapiro: Tom, how long have you known me? Look, I know you have a warrant for his arrest, but there's no reason you have to come and get Mr. Simpson when I can bring him to you. Let's be clear, no perp walk here.
Tom: Bob, I'm in no mood for games. I was up all night prepping this paperwork. You have a client charged with double homicide with special circumstances.
Shapiro: It's 8:30 now. Why don't, why don't I bring him in at noon?
Tom: What? Why do you need three and a half hours to drive him from Brentwood?

Marcia: Mr. Kaelin, do you live on the property of Mr. Orenthal James Simpson?
Kato: I, uh, I respectfully decline to answer and assert my constitutional right to remain silent.
Marcia: On the night of June 12, 1994, were you in the company of Mr. Simpson?
Kato: I respectfully decline to answer and assert my constitutional right to remain silent.
Marcia: Mr. Kaelin, you are a witness, not a suspect. You have no right to invoke the Fifth Amendment, so I am going to ask you again. On the night of June 12, 1994, were you in the company of Mr. Simpson?

Marcia: Where is your client?
Shapiro: Marcia, I'm sorry, but he's with a few doctors. He's very depressed.
Marcia: Yeah, well, he should be depressed. He killed two people. He's going to prison.

Marcia: Who is this?
Saul: I'm a psychiatrist. Who is this?
Marcia: This is District Attorney Marcia Clark. Where are you? We have a warrant for this man's arrest. Now, doctor, as I am sure you are aware, there are laws relating to the aiding and abetting of a fugitive. If you are not aware of these laws, let me make them clear to you now.
Saul: Bob, I am not going to jail for this.

Shapiro: Are you gentlemen familiar with Chief Williams? Dear friend of mine.
Police officer: No, sir. We just need Mr. Simpson.
Kardashian: He's not there.
Shapiro: What do you mean? He's gone? Well, let's find him! Come on!
Everyone: O J.! O.J.! Juice?
Paula: They went out back.
Marcia: Oh, my God. We're going to look like morons.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Shapiro: Who the hell signs a suicide note with a happy face?

Gil: If it were our absolute goal, could we look more incompetent? It's the worst day of my life. It's worse than the day I was diagnosed with cancer.

Marcia: It's friggin' Shapiro. He screwed all of us. God forbid a celebrity should do a perp walk.

Detective 1: We received 110 tips so far.
Detective 2: "He's with Magic Johnson." "He's in Atlanta." "He's eating lunch with Dionne Warwick at the Ivy."

Marcia: The guy he's with - can anybody tell me who A.C. Cowlings is?
Bill: He's a fourth-rate linebacker. He's sort of a poor man's O.J.

Chris: The TV on?
Chris' father: Of course I'm watching. Picked a hell of a day to leave town.
Chris: Well, how was I supposed to know? What is that?
Chris's father: Arnold Palmer's last U.S. Open. He's retiring today.

Shapiro: There's an unspoken villain here.
Kardashian: Who, A.C.?
Shapiro: No. Me. Everyone's blaming me for everything. I have a very clean reputation.

Johnnie: What a prick. Robert Shapiro's focused on his number one priority: Robert Shapiro.
Woman: What would you be saying?
Johnnie: I wouldn't be falling back on the pronouns "me," "myself," and "I."

Reporter: What were the last words you heard from O.J.?
Shapiro: Oh. Well, they were of a complimentary nature. He thanked me for everything I did for him.

Kardashian: "To whom it may concern: First, everyone understand I had nothing to do with Nicole's murder. I loved her. At times, I felt like a battered husband."
Marcia: Did I hear that correctly? He feels like a battered husband?
Bill: Well, you know, he cut his hand while he was killing her.

Bill: What's the protocol?
Gil: The protocol? I don't know, Bill. What is the protocol for an armed celebrity fugitive being chased by 12 police cars and seven helicopters?

911 dispatch: Is everything else okay?
A.C.: What? No! What kind of stupid-ass question is that?! Everything is terrible!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Kardashian: Your Uncle Juice is a good man. In fact, I'm gonna tell the whole world exactly that on TV. Barbara Walters called me. 
Kourtney: Barbara Walters?
Kardashian: Yeah. Uh-huh. 
Kourtney: She knows you? 
Kim: She talked to Mom and Bruce, too.
Rob: Bruce is famous! He won the Olympics!
Khloe: Bruce and Mom sell Thighmasters on TV, so that means that they're both famous.
Rob: Dad, why are you famous? 
Kardashian: I'm not. Listen, guys, listen to me. Look, you know your grandparents. You know me, and what I try to pass on to you. We are Kardashians. And in this family, being a good person and a loyal friend is more important than than being famous. Fame is fleeting. It's hollow. It means nothing at all without a virtuous heart.

Bill: Can I have your autograph?
Marcia: Oh, shut up.
Bill: You love all this. Just think, a year ago, you wouldn't even have been here; - you were a supervisor. 
Marcia: Gil said I must be the first civil servant to ever ask for a demotion.

Bailey: You're sure up a creek of high-grade manure.

Larry King: Alan Dershowitz, in all your years, have you ever seen a sensational, tragic case like this?
Alan Dershowitz: In a short word, Larry, no. The evidence against Simpson is overwhelming.
Larry King: All right, Alan, what about a plea deal? Could that be in the cards?
Alan Dershowitz: Larry, settling is Robert Shapiro's specialty, much more than actually trying cases in a courtroom.

Bailey: I like Alan, but he's a smug son of a bitch. Every fifteenth word is Harvard.

Gil: We can't ask them to move the trial to Santa Monica. And they're way behind fixing the earthquake damage, and the media room's dinky; it's downtown. There'll be room for everybody. That way, we can handle the press, we have our offices and resources down here. Plus, the optics are a million times better.
Marcia: The "optics"? What's an optic?
Gil: Marcia, I have a black voting base. I can't risk getting an all-white jury. I don't want to hear the words "Rodney King" - or "Simi Valley" ever again. 
Gil: I don't know. Doesn't Simpson deserve a jury of his peers? You know, rich, middle-aged white men? 
Gil: Marcia-
Marcia: I'm kidding. It's the truth, but I'm kidding.

Shapiro: What do you got, Pat?
Pat: So far, nothing I can sink my teeth into. All I've seen is the LAPD acting like they're O. J. 's butler. "Would you like a police escort home?" "Could we get you some juice, Juice?"

Marcia: "Dream team"? Give me a break. Bob Shapiro is a settler. Gets the big fee, cuts the deal, doesn't go to trial. And when's the last time Lee Bailey won more than a drinking game?
Woman: Did you know Shapiro represented Bailey in the longest drunk-driving trial in American history? It's true, 11 days.
Bill: Dershowitz - appeals expert, which tells you they're assuming conviction. Kardashian - I literally did not realize he was a lawyer.
Marcia: It's really sad. The most famous collection of expensive lawyers in the world trying to buy O.J. out of trouble. And everyone's jumping on the gravy train. Look at this one. O.J.'s golf caddy has insight into his state of mind the day of the murders. If this moron shows up on a witness list, one of you gets fired. I'm serious. If they sell their story before they testify, they've got zero credibility on the stand. We can't have cash-for-trash.
Bill: Come on, Marcia, these are just honest, hardworking folks trying to profit from the brutal murder of two innocent people.
Marcia: It's vile, but they're welcome to it after I'm done with them.

Jeff: I'm doing a piece on cash-for-trash stories, witnesses selling their testimony. The O.J. Simpson trial seemed like a perfect-
Shapiro: No, no, it's inconsequential. It's window dressing. It's not the best use of your time.
Jeff: It's the story I'm out here to cover, so-
Shapiro: I know it is, but wouldn't you rather ask me why a man like me would take a case like this? You might be surprised.
Jeff: I might be surprised if I'm surprised. Okay. Tell me.
Shapiro: Because of its far-reaching implications. I've never seen anything like it. And I couldn't stand by and let it happen.
Jeff: Let what happen, exactly?
Shapiro: The systematic railroading of O.J. Simpson by a racist LAPD because he is a black man.
Jeff: Wait, what?
Shapiro: The LAPD history has a shameful history, and everybody knows it. It's no secret. And this cop, Mark Fuhrman, who discovered everything, he's an admitted racist. Any evidence he touches is questionable.
Jeff: So I want to be clear. You're saying this policeman set up O.J. Simpson.
Shapiro: Maybe. Maybe Mark Fuhrman, maybe others, in a conspiracy.
Jeff: Wait. Okay, wait. So all the blood evidence somehow these cops, a cabal of racist police officers, planted it? From the murder scene to the Bronco to Rockingham? 
Shapiro: Who else could have? Take a step back. I mean, doesn't it seem odd that this glove just happened to be at Rockingham at the same time that Detective Fuhrman just happened to find it? 
Jeff: Uh, it isn't odd if Simpson dropped it after he climbed the wall to avoid being seen by the limo driver.
Shapiro: Jeff, you look like a smart kid; don't rush to judgment.

O.J.: You want to make this a black thing. That's why you want Cochran. Well, I'm not black. I'm O.J.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

---

Johnnie: We know we have a downtown jury, which means a heavy concentration of African-Americans. Black men obviously are our allies. Mr. Simpson - a hero in the community. And I'm confident that people will assume he couldn't have committed such a ghastly crime. But black women, on the other hand, might be a problem. They don't like their men marrying white girls.
Kardashian: Is that true?
Carl: Why are you looking at me?
Johnnie: But I believe the generalization is accurate. Black women resent successful black men marrying outside the community. We need to limit that group.
Shapiro: That analysis is smart. The prosecution thinks they have the upper hand, but they don't. Because we have you. And you know how these people think.
Johnnie: "These people. " Bob, let me give you a helpful piece of advice. On this case, you need to choose your vernacular very, very carefully.

Shapiro: We concede to nothing. If Marcia Clark wants to go to the bathroom, we object. If they say the sky is blue, hearsay. Nothing will be admitted without challenge and provocation.

Marcia: Your Honor, at this time, the State requests a hair sample to compare to hairs found at the scene of the crime.
Johnnie: Excuse me, Your Honor. We have some grave concerns about this request. We would ask that the court limit this sample to only the number of hairs required for testing.
Judge: Ms. Clark, how much hair do the people need? 
Marcia: Well, Your Honor, a typical sample, as I'm sure the defense is aware, takes hairs from each area of the head. Five to ten hairs per area, amounting to approximately 100 hairs.
Johnnie: 100 hairs? 
Marcia: This is a standard request, Your Honor. It's only as many hairs as the criminalist needs to compare hairs from the defendant with hairs found at the crime scene.
Johnnie: 100 hairs seems unduly invasive. Your Honor, we offer one hair. 
Marcia: What? 
Judge: Just a second, Ms. Clark.
Marcia: Excuse me, Your Honor, but this objection is beyond ridiculous.
Johnnie: They seem to be on some kind of fishing expedition at my client's expense.
Marcia: Your Honor, this is routine. Eighty hairs. 
Johnnie: Five.
Marcia: Fifty.
Johnnie: Judge, we're getting nowhere. We request a special hearing on the hair.
Judge: So ordered. I call for a hearing regarding the collection of Mr. Simpson's hair.

Shapiro: I like this case for you. I really do, Lee. It's a terrific way to get back in the limelight, reintroduce yourself to the public.
Bailey: I don't need reintroducing. I'm F. Lee Bailey. I represented Sam Sheppard, Patty Hearst, the goddamn Boston Strangler.
Shapiro: Trust me, you'll dine out on this for the rest of your life.
Bailey: Yeah. But Patty Hearst paid.

Faye: Nicole was my everything. You know? She was my confidante, my spiritual sister. You know, now there's just such a-a void in my life without her. I went to a psychic, and she said, "Nicole wants you to write a book." But I don't want it to be exploitative.
Viner: Oh, no, no. I mean, of course not. But we need to move fast. We have to get to press in two weeks. Faye, just to here just to give a general sense, could you give me an overview of your times with Nicole? 
Faye: Oh, Nicole was a wonderful person. She was a terrific mother. We need to stress that. We had wonderful times together. We'd go clubbing and go to parties and, you know, Starbucks. Sometimes do a little cocaine. We loved to eat at La Scala. 
Viner: Cocaine? Really?
Faye: I'm trying to manage it. There's no good time to find out your best friend's been murdered, but particularly not three days into cocaine treatment. Did you know Nicole had breast implants? It was O.J.'s idea, but I'll be honest with you, she loved them. What else can I tell you about Nicole? She loved to give a Brentwood Hello.
Viner: I'm sorry, a Brentwood Hello?
Faye: It was a little joke we had. Where she would go into a guy's bedroom while he was asleep, and, you know give, go down on him.
Viner: We are gonna sell a lot of books - in a very nonexploitive way, of course.

Faye: They were constantly reconciling. And then somebody would sleep with someone, and the fighting would start again. They were really the most undivorced divorced couple I think I've ever known.

Marcia: This trial is so crazy. Usually people are throwing up every excuse to get out of serving on a long case, but here, I have to wade through the crackpots and the attention-seekers. 
Chris: How extensive is the voir dire? 
Marcia: It's endless! We are asking 294 questions. There are so many moving parts. "Have you ever asked a celebrity for an autograph?" "Have you ever dated anyone of a different race?" "Are you a fan of USC football?"
Chris: There's a lot of Trojan fans downtown.

Marcia: Here's what I see as O.J.'s biggest problem.
Chris: That he did it? 
Marcia: Okay. Here's what I see as O.J.'s second biggest problem - that pileup of egos called The Dream Team. It's a dozen alpha dogs in a cage match. They are gonna tear each other up and implode.
Chris: Well, that may be true for all the white guys, but I wouldn't be so quick to judge Johnnie.

Marcia: This crowd is ridiculous. It's like when David O. Selznick cast Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind.
Bill: Hey, it's the Trial of the Century.
Shapiro: Jesus, it's like they all scored courtside seats at a Lakers game.
Carl: Somebody better warn them. They're about to be sequestered for half a year.

Marcia: Ma'am, you say on your questionnaire you've had multiple encounters with the LAPD. Would you describe those as positive or negative?
Prospective juror: What's worse than negative?

Marcia: This is total bullshit.
Gil: So what? I'm not worried about whether it's true. I'm worried about perception.
Marcia: The optics.
Gil: Yes, the optics. With Cochran taking a larger role, I think it might make sense for us to balance out our ticket, stir in a little added flavor.
Bill: You mean a black person?
Gil: I didn't say that, Bill. But it's not a bad idea.

Marcia: This is how she pays tribute to her friend. They're doing coke on every other page.
Bill: Wow. I'll never think of Brentwood the same way again.
Kardashian: Faye's got it all wrong. That's not true. That's not true. Okay, that's true.
O.J.: She's a liar! Faye says Nicole had six abortions so she wouldn't have another kid with me. Nicole would never do that. I can't read this shit.
Johnnie: I wouldn't lose sleep. The book is trash. Be forgotten in a week.
Shapiro: Lesbian sex,

---

197.

Marcia: I like [juror] 229. She has an open mind. She had a great questionnaire.
Bill: Marcia, we've barely used any of our challenges. Wouldn't it be nice to have a white guy? I'm a white guy. We live in Los Angeles, too. 
Marcia: Bill, we cannot be so hung up on skin color. This is a reasonable panel. They're smart people who gave good answers. My gut says trust them.

O.J.: If these people convict me, maybe I did do it.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Johnnie: All right, girls. What do we say to the police?
Girls: Nothing.
Johnnie: And who talks to the police?
Girls: Our lawyer.
Johnnie: That's right.

Shapiro: I appreciate your concern, but I refuse to be in the same room with a particular individual, and I think you know why.
Carl: No, I don't. I don't even know who you're talking about. Is it is it Johnnie?
Shapiro: No, it's Lee!
Carl: Why did you drive all the way over here if you weren't gonna go in?

Shapiro: Judas!
Bailey: I suppose that makes you Jesus? Why don't you blow it out your ass, Bob?
Johnnie: Now that we've resolved that, everybody got it out of their system, we got work to do.

Chris: I met with Fuhrman.
Marcia: Good. You can fill me in tomorrow.
Chris: Uh, he says all the appropriate things.
Marcia: But?
Chris: But, uh, truthfully, guy's not right. I get a really bad vibe from him.
Marcia: Chris, no one's asking you to date him, just prep him.
Chris: He's one of those people that thinks that you can't see how he really feels because he acts polite.
Marcia: Well, that makes no sense, because when someone acts polite, then they are polite.
Chris: Marcia, I don't expect you to understand. But there's a way that certain white people talk to black people. It's disingenuous.

Chris: I don't want you to take this the wrong way. But, uh, that press conference you gave about me, that was a cheap shot. It was unfair and beneath the both of us as professionals. In this trial, we're equals. Everything from our past is out the window. So, um, it's my sincere hope that we can agree from this point forward to treat each other with respect.
Johnnie: Brother, I ain't trying to be respectful. I'm trying to win.

Marcia: What's with all the African art? Where are all the pictures of O.J. with his white golfing buddies? This entire house has been staged. Where's the naked picture of Paula Barbieri by the bed? Oh, I know. It's been replaced with a picture of his mother in a wheelchair.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Carl: What do you-what do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Bailey: Senator.

Chris: If it helps any, you do look mighty good in that picture.

[JakeyJokes]

Friend: You tell gay people you're gay and straight people you're straight.

Andrew: I tell people what they want to hear.

 

Lizzie: F***** isn't a nice word, Andrew.

Andrew: It depends who says it.

 

Donatella: At first people will weep, but then they will whisper.

 

Donatella: My brother would not have wanted his death to change anything. But it changes everything.

 

Detective: So what makes you different than all these other -- partners?

Antonio: 15 years.

 

Navarro: How many of these flyers have you put up, Evans? 

 

Donatella: He went from all of that to this. My brother created everything you see in this house. He was a genius. I will not let that nobody kill my brother twice.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Gianni: The first dress I ever made was for my sister Donatella. Maybe every dress I make is for her.

Lizzie: Hey, f***** is not a nice word.
Andrew: It's not nice when it's said by the wrong person.

Scrimshaw: What was your involvement with Mr. Versace?
Antonio: My involvement?
Scrimshaw: You were the person who found these, uh, dancers, models, escorts, and brought them back to the house for sex?
Antonio: Who told you that?
Scrimshaw: Mr. D'Amico, this is a police investigation. We need to know everything. The staff told me when I interviewed them.
Antonio: Well, I was his partner, not his pimp.
Scrimshaw: By partner, you mean?
Antonio: What do I mean?
Scrimshaw: Hey. Listen, I'm on your side. I'm just trying to figure out what was going on at the house. Now, you say you're partners.
Antonio: Partner. His companion. I loved him.
Scrimshaw: Though you were, um, bringing back other men? For him? You were having sex with them, too? With him there?
Antonio: Sometimes.
Scrimshaw: Sometimes he wouldn't join in?
Antonio: No, not always. Sometimes. It was whatever he wanted.
Scrimshaw: These other men, uh, did they consider themselves to be Versace's partner, too? 
Antonio: No.
Scrimshaw: You see why I'm confused? What's the difference?
Antonio: FIfteen years. I lived with Gianni for fifteen years. That is the difference.

Donatella: As you know, my brother, who I love very much, is dead. And now the press and the police will rake through his life - every rumor, every indiscretion. They'll judge the killer, yes, but they'll judge the victim, too. At first people weep. Then they whisper. Gianni grew his company from one small store in Milano on Via della Spiga with a single rack of clothes, a little wooden bench, and a pietra grigia stone floor - the same stone that's in our family chapel. Our mother was there, Franca. She was so proud. From that to all this. Everything you see around us - this house, this company. He was a creator, he was a collector, he was a genius. And this company was his life. When he was sad, it made him happy. When he was sick, it kept him alive. And my brother is still alive, as long as Versace's alive. I will not allow that man, that nobody, to kill my brother twice.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Donatella drag queen: I wear Versace!
Gianni: Brava, baby. Big kiss for you!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Dershowitz: If there's gonna be a media circus, you better well be the ringmaster.

Tom: Sorry about the Colombian necktie thing. I hadn't ever heard of it.
Marcia: You're kidding me, Tom. You didn't know that Mezzaluna was a cleverly disguised front for the gatherings of cocaine kingpins? That Faye Resnick owed them money on some deal she was mixed up in? And these Scarfaces decided to scare her by killing Nicole? How could you not know there's a major drug cartel being run out of a B minus Brentwood eatery right under your nose?

Johnnie: It was Shapiro who planted the story. I know it. I'm gonna find out how he did it, and when I do, oh, there's gonna be hell to pay. But it was him.
Sylvia: Hmm. So it was Bob Shapiro who made you live a double life while you were married with Barbara?

Bryon: Oh, what's this? A little gift?
Chris: Yup.
Byron: Oh! No. No. I ain't never gonna wear this. Look at this.
Marcia: Why not? It's 100% cotton, and it might help you out of a traffic ticket. 
Bryon: Oh! She got jokes, huh? Huh?
Marcia: So is this an AA meeting, or is someone gonna buy me a drink?

Edited January 29, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

OJ: You know, playing cards with y'all like this-
Kardashian: Ah, you mean "consulting with your material witnesses."

OJ: Where is everybody?
Kardashian: Todd said he had to work late. Spencer said his kids had a tennis match or something.
OJ: Ugh. And that's more important than poker night?

Ito: Have you ever been arrested for kidnapping, 620?
Juror 620: What? I think I'd remember something like that, Judge.
[Ito holds up a case file with 620's mugshot]
Juror 620: Uh, okay. Now I know what you're talking about. See, that was my ex. But she's cool with it now. We cool.
[silence from Ito and Marcia]
Juror 620: I just locked the car door and I drove around the neighborhood a-a few times. That's all. You know how ladies can get.

Juror 1: You know, those deputies are gonna find all kinds of ways to get rid of us brown folk. 
Juror 2: They always are. 
Juror 3: All the time.
Juror 4: And they're always watching me. I think they put a camera in my room. There's this little blinking red light above my door.
Juror 5: I'm pretty sure it's a smoke alarm.

Johnnie: As she said, this was simply a misunderstanding.
Marcia: She lied. She's out!
Johnnie: She didn't lie. 
Marcia: She said no to the question "Have you ever been a victim of domestic violence?" Her husband raped her - twice.
Bailey: Actually, it wasn't legally rape in '88. I mean, between a husband and wife.
Marcia; You just said that. Out loud.
Ito: All right, so let me get this straight. The defense is arguing to keep a victim of domestic abuse and the People are arguing to dismiss her? Somehow, I get the idea if this juror were white, we'd be having a different conversation right now. I have no choice but to dismiss 462.

Ito: Juror 228, who is this standing on the right [in this photo]?
Juror 228: OJ?
Ito: Good. And who is this on the left, shaking hands with OJ?
Juror 228: Uh, me?
Ito: That's right. Do I really need to say anything else here?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

McKenna: [Laura's] lawyers have shopped the tapes to London papers. TV tabloids - they've heard snippets. Supposedly there's an offer on the table for 250 grand.
Shapiro: Hmm. Why doesn't she sell?
Kardashian: Well, that's the strange part. She doesn't actually care about the money. She'd rather sell her screenplay. She's a screenwriter. Or, well, a wannabe screenwriter. She was living in L. A. She couldn't make a living, so she moved to North Carolina to teach screenwriting.
Barry: I don't understand. How can you teach screenwriting if you can't sell a script?
Everyone: Oh, Barry.

Johnnie: These tapes will allow Mr. Simpson to walk free.
Barry: Well, let's not get too cocky.

Bailey: We still need to get a judge in North Carolina to enforce the subpoena.
Johnnie: A small technicality. I will venture forth to secure our bounty.
Shapiro: Well, obviously, I will accompany you. I mean, I discovered Fuhrman, for God's sake. I mean, I invented him.
Bailey: Hang on, Bob. I won every Fuhrman motion.
Barry: Gentlemen, we still have a case here in LA. I don't understand. Why do more than two people have to get on the plane?

Bailey: I know the Carolinas like I know the caramel color in a single-barrel apple brandy, sipped over the blush of the morning sunrise.

Johnnie: Your Honor, with all due respect, we ask you to enforce this subpoena and compel Ms. McKinny to turn over the tapes. It is important, it is imperative, it is indispensible that we return them to California. Thank you, Your Honor.
North Carolina judge: Mr. Cochran, there are no TV cameras in my courtroom. There's no need for gratuitous alliteration.

Johnnie: Who is that man to say that they are not relevant? Those tapes are proof of the systematic civil rights violations. What black people have always known. And what white people have never understood.
Bailey: Johnnie, calm down. We'll just file an emergency appeal. And this time let me do the talking.
Johnnie: What?
Bailey: Mr. Cochran, take a good look where you're standing. We're in the South. Haven't you noticed the smell of mint julep and condescension in the air? Right behind you, there's a statue of a Confederate soldier holding a rifle. With all due respect, I don't know if you play as well in Dixie.

Bailey: Your Honors, may I state first of all what a pleasure it is to be practicing law once again in the great state of North Carolina. My heart gladdens with the promise of justice when I stand in one of the original 13 colonies. From the great Smokey Mountains to the Pamlico Sound, I know that fair consideration will be offered to all who set foot in a Tar Heel tribunal. As the Bible tells us, "Seek, and ye shall find," and I thank the Lord for helping us to find these terribly troubling tapes.

Gil: Has Ito ruled on the tapes?
Marcia: Not yet. And we're fighting to keep them out. But while we were reviewing them, we heard something unexpected. You should sit. This is bad.
Gil: No, I know, he hates Mexicans, he uses the N word, he's a sexist pig. He utters every racial slur known to man.
Marcia: Yes, that is all true, but there's sort of an O. Henry twist.

Gil: Our star witness insulting the judge's wife!
Marcia: Yep, not only does Fuhrman hate blacks, he hates Peggy York, the highest ranking woman in the LAPD.
Gil: Didn't she sign the affidavits?
Marcia: Sure, when Ito was assigned to the case, Peggy claimed she had no memory of any dealings with Fuhrman. Which seems hard to believe since we learned she reprimanded him for writing KKK on a Martin Luther King poster.

Marcia: You know, I just realized something.
Chris: What's that?
Marcia: Mark Fuhrman's initials are MF.
Chris: I guess that's funny. But I don't feel like laughing.

Edited January 29, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Johnnie: Four hours. Four hours!
Bailey: It's only good. There's no way a jury convicts on a double homicide after four hours of debate.
Carl: Not even four. To fill out the forms for "guilty" takes an hour. Then they had a lunch break.
Shapiro: My God, they've discussed this case less than anybody in America.

Johnnie: I appreciate how hard you fought. Especially that closing. This was war. And you did a superb job. I respect that. I I know how difficult this has been on you. And when the dust settles I'd like to help bring you back into the community.
Chris: Hmm. Well, I never left.

Marcia: I have something, this thing in me that wants vengeance, vengeance for victims. That's what justice is to me. And I have always, always, had faith that when I look at a jury, we have that in common. Everyone wants justice for victims, right? I never doubted that until this. After all they heard, after all they know, a man who beat and beat and terrorized his wife, until he just snuffed her out. And they let him go - for reasons that have nothing to do with what he did to those two people.

Edited January 30, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

David: Dad, I'm gay.
David's dad: You mind if I take a moment? I don't want to say the wrong thing. I won't lie and say that it doesn't make a difference. You know what I believe. And maybe this isn't what you wanted to hear. Maybe you wanted to be told I don't have a problem with it. I can't say that. But what I can say is I love you more than I love my own life.

David: You can't do it, can you?
Andrew: Do what?
David: Stop.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Donatella: The rock stars, the actors, the royalty whose endorsements we cherish - they might not want to be associated with us.
Gianni: At least we'll keep Elton.

Andrew: You are the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Will you marry me?
David: Andrew!
Andrew: You don't have to give me an answer right now. You can think about it for the next few days.
David: We can't get married!
Andrew: Why not?
David: It's against the law.
Andrew: Who cares about that?
David: EVERYONE.

Edited February 15, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Andrew: David, come on in. It must be at least ten minutes since you've had a drink.
Gallo: Oh, what a relief. I was worried we were going to have to get along.

Andrew: I need you to explain to [David] what I'm doing here with Norman.
Elizabeth: What ARE you doing here?
Andrew: I curate his art. I find pieces of antique furniture.
Elizabeth: Are you sure there isn't something else that you've curating?
Andrew: Lizzie, that's not even a play on words.
Elizabeth: I know.
Andrew: There's nothing sexual between us.
Elizabeth: Then why can't you tell David the truth? You're a handsome young interior designer who's living with his wealthy older client. I see the problem.

Jeff: Who are all these people?
Andrew: Friends of free food and free champagne.

Gallo: What a volatile mix you are - too lazy to work and too proud to be kept.

Andrew: I need to get back to my party. That room is full of people that love me.
Gallo: Then that room is full of people that don't know you.

Norman: Andrew, I will increase your living allowance. God knows you have no savings because I every dollar I give you, you spend on other people. But as far the first class flights, no. I'll pay for you to return to college and to finish your degree.
Andrew: I already have a PhD.
Norman: No, you do not have a PhD. You started a history major at UCSD and you quit after a year.
Andrew: I'm not going back to school. It's insulting.
Norman: What is it about having an education and the idea of work that you find so insulting?
Andrew: It's ordinary.
Norman: Andrew, you're smart but being smart is useless unless it's in the service of something.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Gianni: You have the opportunity to be great and you choose to assist.

Donatella: What do you want from me?
Gianni: I want everything.
Donatella: You have it all. I give you all.
Gianni: Then it's not enough.

Donatella: Pretending to be bold is not enough.

Madame Molly Price: My clients rarely ask for Asians, and they never ask for Asians with attitude.
Andrew: Wait. I can work harder than any of those men.
MMP: This isn't a sweatshop, sweetheart. Nobody gives a shit how hard you work. This is about being what people want. No can do. I can't sell a clever Filipino, even one with a big dick.

Gianni: Why are you whispering?
Donatella: Why are you shouting?

Friend 1: You haven't explained how you're so ridiculously wealthy all of a sudden.
Andrew: I'm a consultant for a Texan oil millionaire. His name's Lincoln Aston.
Friend 2: What do you know about oil?
Andrew: I know how to work a greasy pole.

Kevin: I'm straight.
Lincoln: For a straight man, you hang around a lot of gay bars.

Lincoln: I'm a fan of the monosyllabic John Wayne routine, but zero syllabic is pushing it.

Andrew: If they could see me now.
Norman: Who?
Andrew: Everyone.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lizzie: Can I tell you a secret?
Andrew: Can we only ever speak in secrets?
Lizzie: I'm an imposter.
Andrew: All the best people are.

Pete: You're not upset that I stole. You're upset because I stopped.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Ronnie: Andrew is not hiding. He's trying to be seen.

[bettername2come]

Andrew: I don't do gutter drugs.