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Small Talk: Take A Break From Shop(ping) Talk

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1 hour ago, seahag said:

Snarkers, I need your prayers and good thoughts.  It appears that I am being retired from my job, after 33 years.  I am in a state of suspended animation.  I know some of you have been through this.  How did you cope mentally?  Mr. Hag says that we will be ok, and I can get Social Security next year.  I just feel like someone’s thrown a boulder in my gut.  This just took place late this afternoon. 

 

 

As long as you have income enough to cover your expenses, being retired is the best thing, from my POV. No more alarm clocks, no more job stress, no more being unable to take days off around the major holidays. Being able to shop in the daytime when stores are less crowded. The freedom to day-trip whenever you want. The freedom to just spend the day doing what you want, not what someone else wants you to do. The time to learn new things.

The initial things I missed was the daily interactions with coworkers who were friends, but I still get together with a handful of them a few times a year, so I keep abreast of work scuttlebutt. I also, surprisingly, missed interviewing people, talking to new people all the time. I've replaced that with participation in online forums and taking the time to being friendly to store clerks and cashiers and all the other people whose lives intersect with mine, so that I don't lose the art of conversation.

My retirement coincided with my youngest sister finally starting her family, so my part-time babysitting has allowed me to become much closer to the kidlets than physical distance would normally have allowed. And, it also allows me to pass on family memories to them, because they were born after my parents and grandparents and a lot of aunts and uncles had already died.

I never defined myself by my job - it was always just a means to obtain a paycheck - though I did like it and did it well. It was never a career, so I was able to walk away from it with a minimum of angst.

Eleven years down the road and I still get a smile on my face every Sunday night as I remember that I don't have to get up early for work on Monday.?

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Sorry this happened to you, Seahag. Many of us who were used to working all our lives (I had my first job at 17) feel adrift and useless when we retire, regardless of whether the retirement was voluntary or involuntary. It takes a long time to adjust to a new lifestyle. And if you needed the money from your job, you can't really adjust -- you just worry all the time.

I agree with DownTheShore.  If you're okay financially, then you can gradually find lots of things to enjoy in retirement. I say "gradually" because if you were laid off unexpectedly, you need a period of time to get over the initial shock and grieve over your loss.

You had a routine and a schedule for your work days. Try to establish a new routine for each day at home. Then get organized by listing things you want to do tomorrow, next day, next week, etc. Routines and organization can give you a sense of being in control.

Edited by Coffeecup
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Really sorry @seahag.  My hubs went throught it, like Denver Hoosier, 3 days past his 60th birthday and after a 3-week medical absence.  We knew it was ageism, but of course, unprovable.  Unfortunately, it happened at the very early stages of the recession (in our industry, it started sooner than the rest of the country), so it couldn't have been a worse time for it.

He was gutted, like you.  I would love to give great advice that would be of worth, but all I can say is to keep yourself busy with something.  Whether it's becoming re-employed (it is actually a pretty good time for that at least), or working around the house with neglected projects, or volunteering...something to keep your mind occupied and keep yourself from falling into the abyss of depression and damaging your self esteem.  Some of that is natural, too much can be problematic.

Wish you the best with whatever path you choose.  Take some time to figure out what that path is.

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@Seahag, I can't offer any suggestions in addition to what already has been said.  I would ask that you let some of the reality of this settle before making any major decisions.  Thank you for sharing what has happened to you in this.  I wish you the best in your ongoing transitions.

Edited by OneGuy
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I'll add my voice to the "joys of retirement" crowd. My situation is a little different in that I voluntarily left corporate life in 2002 to start my own business, and was self-employed for the last 16 years. I worked like a dog to build a successful business - and loved every minute of it - but decided to retire at the end of last year (well, almost! I kept one client for whom I present one or two half-day training programs a month). I was turning 65, in a new marriage to Mr. Booney who was already retired for three years, and just decided it was time to enjoy the non-work side of life. It's been wonderful! As others have said upthread, not having to set an alarm and be on a schedule is fantastic. I've gotten so much done in and around my house that I put off forever. I can meet friends for lunch now, Mr. Booney and I can go to a movie on a Wednesday afternoon if we want to - it's all good. I know it's different, @seahag, when it's not your decision, but I think you'll find the advantages of retirement once the initial shock has passed. What's the saying? - when one door closes, another one opens.

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@seahag I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It's tough when retirement is not your plan. I had to early retire at 54 after I broke my back in two places. It was an adjustment but now I enjoy retirement...a lot! You will find your way. Give yourself some breathing room and time.

Now let me say, it sucks when people are retired involuntarily as you were. After years of loyal service people are just discarded. I'm mad at them for you. Boo Hiss!!!

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Sorry, Seahag -- such a shocker.  Take time to decide what you want to do.  Is consulting an option?

Agree with others that it takes time to figure out what your thing is after retirement or work cessation.  Mr. Thumper (the breadwinner) jumped right in with volunteering, exercising even more, doing a little consulting, working on house projects.  I (the SAHM who became a part-time employee later) have had a harder time deciding, mostly because I do not like to commit to something.  I do a little volunteering, am taking some classes through community ed that have always intrigued me ( yoga, QiGong), and just decided to work with the funeral hospitality group at our church.   Mr. Thumper has also gotten involved in some committee/organizing work for one of his charities -- says he likes being a problem-solver, which he misses from work.  We can do fun things or family commitments during the week instead of on weekends.

I do miss the daily interaction with others.  I notice that I am more upbeat after a class, volunteering, or meeting friends.  It's very easy for me to hunker down in my cozy home, but I recognize that I need the interaction.

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@seahag you worked hard for 33 years and Mr. Hag has your back.  I have a different perspective.  I taught elementary school for 10 years then stopped working after my 1st child was born.  Three kids and 15 years later I have recently gone back to working part time in a school environment not as a teacher ,but at the school office doing admin and the occasional substitute teaching.  I feel guilty for not sucking it up and putting those 15 years into my career.  I admire and am somewhat jealous of the moms and women around me who furthered their careers.  You earned your retirement , it was presented to you abruptly and not in the most dignified situation but know that you are admired for sticking with it for 33 years. 

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On 5/24/2018 at 12:30 AM, Denver Hoosier said:

It happened to me.  On my 60th birthday, no less.  My employer built a new campus an hour north of Denver and combined previous locations in Denver, Colorado Springs and Greeley.  Obviously that led to redundancy in some departments and mine was one.  There were five of us and we were all laid off.  No notice, just pack up you're out of here, and nothing but a 2 weeks severance payment plus any unused vacation.

I was beyond stunned.  Hurt, blind-sided, etc., as we had previously been told we would be going to the new campus.

That was 2 years ago this month and I am still not over it.  I looked for work for a year, but 60 year old employees are not in demand except for McDonald' hamburger slingers and Wal-Mart greeters.  So I took early retirement.

I still refer to myself as involuntarily retired.  I loved the work I did and planned to continue working to at least 70.  I am still resentful over the whole situation.

So I guess I am saying, Don't do as I have done.  lol. If you can get by financially,  as you've said you can, relax and enjoy yourself.  Don't be bitter and angry like me.  The little bit of consulting I have been doing has helped, but I still have a long way to go.

I know you could use some time to heal your body after all you have been through recently.  Maybe this is the universe's way of ensuring you slow down and take care of yourself.

Oh, PS&BTW - it is ok to be MAD AS HELL for a while.  

I am sorry this happened to you.  After going through it myself, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

Denver Hoosier, I remember when this happened to you.  I am gobsmacked and relieved at the same time.  That said, several of my friends have told me that they were worried about my stress levels, including Mr. Hag.  Fortunately for me, I will be getting paid for my client base over the next three years, so there’s that.  I will be working with the purchaser to make a smooth transition for my clients.

I saw the pulmonologist today, and some things are better and some are worse.  Then next step is to get a CT scan of my sinuses, and then they will go up my nose with a fiber optic camera and root around up there.  They also want a sample of my hair balls for analysis.  Now they’re thinking  it might be COPD or emphysema.

My plan for the rest of the summer is to concentrate on my health and begin a serious purge of all the crap in this house.  Mr. Hag is all excited to be working more, and is planning to drive for Uber.  He loves to chat with people.  He is perfectly willing to let me take it easy for a while.  I am blessed beyond measure. We also will not lose our health coverage, which we get from Canada.  It costs us a whopping $18 per month for both of us!

All in all, I am still absorbing this.  Thanks for your good thoughts. ❤️

Edited by seahag
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MERGE =================

All of your lovely responses have me all choked up.  Thanks so much for your insight and encouragement.  I don’t think it will hit me until I’ve finished the transition.  I might look for part time work that I can leave at the job, unlike my career.  I’ve had a good run, but I wanted to work a little longer.  We might sell this place and leave the big city, but it’s too soon to make any major decisions.  God bless you all.

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On 5/23/2018 at 11:47 PM, seahag said:

Snarkers, I need your prayers and good thoughts.  It appears that I am being retired from my job, after 33 years.  I am in a state of suspended animation.  I know some of you have been through this.  How did you cope mentally?  Mr. Hag says that we will be ok, and I can get Social Security next year.  I just feel like someone’s thrown a boulder in my gut.  This just took place late this afternoon. 

So sorry for this tardy reply; I don't get over here to read in a timely manner.   -   I hope the shock of what happened is beginning to lessen; that must have quite a punch in the gut.  But as others have said, you will be fine when the dust settles.  It will take a period of adjustment, for sure, but in the end  this may be the best thing that could have happened.

My situation was different, in that I chose to retire (although I hate that word.  Makes me feel old) but the advantages that came with it were not what I'd been expecting.  My initial thoughts were that  I'd no longer have to deal with insurance snafus (medical office environment), no more dealing with certain cranky, nasty people, no more poring over the monthly reports to figure out what accounts were overdue and acting upon them.  But what happened from day one of no longer setting the alarm was - I don't have to get up before the crack of dawn to "put on my face" and get appropriately dressed; Mr. Rain and I can shop at our leisure, not just on our days off; holidays are so much more enjoyable when we have all the time in the world to get ready for them.  Etc., etc. 

Long story short, you've earned the much more leisurely pace that life can be now.  As long as you keep physically active, this change of lifestyle can be quite a boon to your mental and physical state.  Right now it's a shock that will take  awhile to dissipate, but I hope it won't be too long before the benefits of your new life will start to kick in.   ?

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WOW!  You have excellent health coverage, @seahag!!  That is great; a HUGE plus.  I know many people who keep working just for the health insurance.   

You can work on your health issues, too -- major.

And oh yah, we do a lot of "de-crapping" our house, too!  ??

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On 5/21/2018 at 1:03 PM, Denver Hoosier said:

I also did some research on QEII's photos during the last few weeks and in all of them she was either smiling or neutral, nothing like the glares she was shooting to all around her during the wedding.

I stand by my assessment that she was mad about something. Really mad about something.  I recognize that look.  I have been known to wear that look.  Had this been the 1500s, somebody or somebodies would have lost their heads!

She doesn't necessarily have to be mad about the wedding, but she was angry about sonething.

She’s elderly....maybe she wasn’t feeling well?  If her hubby was goofing around during the ceremony she may have been annoyed with him.  She may have been taken off guard by the music or minister.....maybe what actually was presented wasn’t how it had been presented to her?  She may have seen someone in the congregation doing something she didn’t approve of.   Guess we will never know.  Hopefully she thawed at the reception.   

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On 5/23/2018 at 11:47 PM, seahag said:

Snarkers, I need your prayers and good thoughts.  It appears that I am being retired from my job, after 33 years.  I am in a state of suspended animation.  I know some of you have been through this.  How did you cope mentally?  Mr. Hag says that we will be ok, and I can get Social Security next year.  I just feel like someone’s thrown a boulder in my gut.  This just took place late this afternoon. 

Aw, I’m sorry your world has been rocked.  Even if you WANT to be done....it’s hurtful to be treated like all your hard work and dedication wasn’t appreciated.  I retired a few years ago and love it.....hope I never have to work again.  You will build a new normal, and be able to call your time your own for  the first time in years.  Look on it as the beginning of a new, enjoyable adventure, and try not to harbor bitterness....the company won’t care, it will only make you feel worse.  Maybe God is freeing you up for something else He wants you to do.

Hugs to you, my cyber friend.

Edited by Phronsie
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@seahag- I am sincerely sorry to hear about your situation. I think part of what is hard to process is when we don't have control over the situation - when we are told that we must retire vs. what our plan/timeline was for this major life change. I was pretty much told by my union that I needed to retire/go out on permanent disability even though I had been still working for seven years after I was diagnosed with MS. In hindsight it was a blessing in disguise, although a major financial adjustment. 

It sure helps to hear all our stories and situations. 

? to all.

 

ps - speaking of our generation, anyone see "Book Club" yet? I'm hoping to go next week. Can't wait!! Need some laughs!

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Ps - pretty much every day I say to God/,the universe "help me understand Your plan" . It's a line from the song "Tennessee" by Arrested Development from the '90's, but it always stuck with me and sort of comforts me. That and xanax lol. ;)

 

the full lyrics are worth a google. Very powerful.

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3 hours ago, seasons said:

Ps - pretty much every day I say to God/,the universe "help me understand Your plan" . It's a line from the song "Tennessee" by Arrested Development from the '90's, but it always stuck with me and sort of comforts me. That and xanax lol. ;)

 

the full lyrics are worth a google. Very powerful.

You're taking me back, @seasons!  Love that song.

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17 hours ago, seahag said:

MERGE =================

All of your lovely responses have me all choked up.  Thanks so much for your insight and encouragement.  I don’t think it will hit me until I’ve finished the transition.  I might look for part time work that I can leave at the job, unlike my career.  I’ve had a good run, but I wanted to work a little longer.  We might sell this place and leave the big city, but it’s too soon to make any major decisions.  God bless you all.

You hang in there.  Life is beautiful, it really is.  Sometimes it doesn't feel that way and we don't always see the positive side when we've been treated poorly.  Shame on those people who made you feel this way.   

I'm 55 years old and I am envious of what you've accomplished and for what lies ahead for you!  Hold your head up high - a 33 year career is enviable.  Now, you can relax! 

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Cricket, I am so sorry for your loss.  I will keep you close to my heart and will be praying for comfort for you and your family. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

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Oh, Cricket - my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Having lost a beloved husband 6 years ago, I know how painful this is. Sending thoughts of peace to you and your family. You know we are all here for you.

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Cricket, you and your family are in my thoughrs. I am so sorry for your losing Joe. Even though this is such a difficult time, you have so many wonderful memories of your years together. Sending peaceful and strengthening thoughts to you and your family. Kody will be a comfort to you.

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{{{Cricket}}} - I am so sincerely sorry. 

saying extra special prayers for your Joe, you and the family.

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Cricket, I send you and your family peace.  This is a beautiful poem by John O'Donohue, an Irish poet.

 

On The Death Of The Beloved - Poem by John O'Donohue

Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn
Brightening over our lives
Awakening beneath the dark
A further adventure of colour.

The sound of your voice
Found for us
A new music
That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
Quickened in the joy of its being;
You placed smiles like flowers
On the altar of the heart.
Your mind always sparkled
With wonder at things.

Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer
From the old distance of our names;
Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,
As close to us as we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,
We know our soul's gaze is upon your face,
Smiling back at us from within everything
To which we bring our best refinement.

Let us not look for you only in memory,
Where we would grow lonely without you.
You would want us to find you in presence,
Beside us when beauty brightens,
When kindness glows
And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,
Darkest winter has turned to spring;
May this dark grief flower with hope
In every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.
To serve the call of courage and love
Until we see your beautiful face again
In that land where there is no more separation,
Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,
And where we will never lose you again.

John O'Donohue

Edited by lovemesomejoolery
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@Cricket, I hurt for you, and I am praying for your strength and peace. May you find comfort in your assurance of Joe's love and the many memories you made together. In your family and your faith. In Kody's amazing eyes. And in the knowledge that many unseen friends have grown to respect you and care for you and are holding you close in our hearts today.

Edited by HissyFit
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@Cricket I am glad you were so near during Joe's last hours.  There is so much meaning in that time for Joe and for you.

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Cricket, I am so sad for you.  Nothing anyone can say or do will make things better, but as those of us who have experienced this type of loss can tell you, it is friends, family (and puppy dogs!) that will make it possible to keep putting that one foot in front of the other.

You and Joe had a great love story.  We know, you shared it with us.  You fought that evil disease every step of the way. And you did it as a team.  Thank you for sharing your Joe with us over the last couple of years.  Though we never met him, we all know what an extraordinary guy he was.  We saw that through your loving eyes.

For now, rest and let your family love you and take care of you a little.  You have earned that.

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My heart dropped when I read this.  Please know you are in my thoughts as you endure this terrible loss.

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@Cricket, my heart is broken for your loss.  Please let us all be your shoulder to lean on.  I am typing through my tears.  I wish you all the strength you need to get through the coming days, and I send hugs and hope for peace in your life, friend.  ?

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@Cricket, you know I have been through what you're going through. I know there is nothing I can say to ease the pain, and can only offer you love and hugs and the assurance that even though it doesn't seem like it now, you will come out the other side. You will be different, but you will be better for having known Joe. 

Joe is safe now; no more pain. Nothing can ever hurt him again. He's waiting for you.

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@Cricket  words seem so inadequate in the face of such a huge loss.   My most heartfelt sympathies go out to you and your family.  

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2 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

Mom doesn't play

Sorry the video is so large.  Not sure how to shrink a vid.

Ah, if only human children came with a "handle".  lol

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My sincere condolences, @Cricket.  You and Joe fought hard against that horrible disease.   Hugs and sympathy. ❤️

(My dad waited for my mom to leave the room before he passed, too.  Perhaps Joe did not want you to have to bear that.)

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7 hours ago, Denver Hoosier said:

 

You and Joe had a great love story.  We know, you shared it with us.  You fought that evil disease every step of the way. And you did it as a team.  Thank you for sharing your Joe with us over the last couple of years.  Though we never met him, we all know what an extraordinary guy he was.  We saw that through your loving eyes.

 

{{{Cricket}}}, I am so very, very sorry for your loss.  Sending you prayers for strength and ease of grief. You know that we are all here for you if you need us. 

DH expressed my feelings perfectly in her words above.  You invited us all into your love story and in the trials and tribulations of his illness.  You made Joe a real person to us, and he's now someone who will live on forever all of our memories, because he is a friend we have sadly lost. 

RIP, Joe. ???

Edited by DownTheShore
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1 hour ago, DownTheShore said:

You made Joe a real person to us, and he's now someone who will live on forever all of our memories, because he is a friend we have sadly lost. 

RIP, Joe. ???

This is so beautifully said, @DownTheShore.  It will mean the world to Cricket when she reads it. 

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@Cricket,  I'm so very sorry to hear about your beloved Joe.  Sending you much love, heartfelt sympathy and a ton of cyber hugs. We're here when you need us.

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