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Evelyn & David: Who Let Them in Here?


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I think it is important to respect some of the grooms' wishes for the wedding.  It is a financial sacrifice for David's friends and families to travel to the U.S.  Why not travel a bit once here?  The flight is expensive and they may not have ever come to the U.S. except for the wedding.  For Evelyn to not consider David's desires for his friends/family to attend their wedding is really selfish.  I know that in the U.S. we tend to say that the wedding day is the bride's day...but it is the celebration of two persons joining together in marriage, not just one.  Although David may give in to her, I think this will remain an underlying issue for him not the road.

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David said/implied "So the wedding pictures are more important than my friends?"  

Yup. The same way she said to her friends that they had to buy a particular dress or not be a bridesmaid. So a friend who couldn't afford it, or had other financial priorities, wasn't important enough to be in the wedding because it wouldn't look right in the photos.  Friends shouldn't be used as props. 

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36 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

I think it is important to respect some of the grooms' wishes for the wedding.  It is a financial sacrifice for David's friends and families to travel to the U.S.  Why not travel a bit once here?  The flight is expensive and they may not have ever come to the U.S. except for the wedding.  For Evelyn to not consider David's desires for his friends/family to attend their wedding is really selfish.  I know that in the U.S. we tend to say that the wedding day is the bride's day...but it is the celebration of two persons joining together in marriage, not just one.  Although David may give in to her, I think this will remain an underlying issue for him not the road.

I’m not saying his wishes shouldn’t be respected, but the fact that they are flying here shouldn’t be held over our heads as a control thing. We are making a lot of financial sacrifices for this wedding but meanwhile the groom and his friends have gone on multiple vacations, go out all the time, and are taking extended vacations after the wedding but  then when asked to spend $75 on the attire for the wedding we were told they’d find something else. Meanwhile we are constantly told we can afford his choices, many of which are quite expensive, because we don’t have to fly for the wedding. 

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It’s the attitude that bothers me far more than the actuality of the suit or not the suit. He doesn’t care about something so he says ‘they have to fly here so we don’t have to do that’. Plus what really bothered me about his comments was ‘she is young and needs to learn to be flexible’. Of course this is true but not something someone says about his partner. It’s something a parent says about their child. So incredibly condescending. I have said all along he may seem like some nice guy but to me a 27 year old interested in a 17 year old over the Internet is worrisome. Comments like that don’t help to alieviate my concern. 

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42 minutes ago, Quof said:

The same way she said to her friends that they had to buy a particular dress or not be a bridesmaid. So a friend who couldn't afford it, or had other financial priorities, wasn't important enough to be in the wedding because it wouldn't look right in the photos.  Friends shouldn't be used as props. 

But that's how it always works.  

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13 minutes ago, bethster2000 said:

Fun fact: you're a miserable little bitch.  Fun fact: You're too immature to get married.  Fun fact: You're selfish.  Fun fact:  You can't sing for shit.

Fun fact: your virginity is not interesting.  

42 minutes ago, Quof said:

Grown up brides realize that bridesmaids don't need to wear costumes and they don't need to match. These are your best friends.    All you care about is that they are there

Urp.  I guess everyone now knows how long it is since I was a bridesmaid. . . going to go soak my head now. . . .

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2 hours ago, Sprockets said:

Fun fact: your virginity is not interesting.  

Urp.  I guess everyone now knows how long it is since I was a bridesmaid. . . going to go soak my head now. . . .

I don’t think you are wrong or behind the times. If today’s brides were so mature about it just being about friends and the marriage, people wouldn’t be spending increasingly absurd amounts of money on weddings. Wanting some cohesion in the attire of the attendants, especially if the cost is reasonable, doesn’t seem nearly as immature to me as a lot of the crap that far older brides consider non negotiable 

Edited by 3girlsforus
To be more clear
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On 10/16/2017 at 2:48 PM, biakbiak said:

The messages of other dudes they showed said things like they hoped she was down to fuck, so hey you're cute and that he liked her music is significantly different than that.

No, I think she was just not attracted to the other guys who gave her compliments. When an unnattractive guy flatters a girl, its creepy. If a cute guy does, its awesome. Thats the brain of an 18 year old girl. 

Edited by Matias130
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On 10/25/2017 at 0:03 PM, MrSmith said:

This. Either he lies outright and says explicitly that he's a virgin or he lies by omission and says that he's maintaining his purity knowing that she interprets that as "I'm a virgin", while he probably means something along the lines of "I'm not getting any action right now and am content to wait until we're married to get it from you."

Edited to add: If I were a woman, I don't think I'd want the first time I had sex to be with a man for whom it is also the first time. I remember the first time I had sex. The whole thing was over in the time it takes to turn the lights off and then immediately back on. I miss being young, though, when my reboot time was measured in hours instead of days....

He definitely seems like a virgin to me. I cant describe it, but he seems kind of like a guy who wears his polo shirts buttoned up to the very top and maybe awkward around women. 

I saved myself for marriage, my husband was not a virgin. I was really glad he wasnt TBH. Even among fundamental religions that preach purity, either guys marry young or they mess around until they meet the girl they will marry. The fact that David is 27 and still hed on to his virginity is ..... strange to me. 

Does anyone else think Evelyn's dad looks like Jesus ? Or like he tries to look like that ? 

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1 hour ago, Matias130 said:

No, I think she was just not attracted to the other guys who gave her compliments. When an unnattractive guy flatters a girl, its creepy. If a cute guy does, its awesome. Thats the brain of an 18 year old girl. 

They showed the comments. Very few women think a stranger asking "are you down to fuck" flattery.

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8 hours ago, 3girlsforus said:

My daughter is currently doing the k-1 Visa and they have had this exact argument. His friends don’t want spend money to wear what the bridal party is wearing and the groom regularly pulls out the ‘well they are paying to come here’. Of course after the wedding they are all taking long vacations in the US so I am unsympathetic.  

Why doesn’t the bridal couple pay for the tux rental/dresses for the people they want in their wedding? That’s what my family has always done. It might also help them to narrow the bridal party down to the most important people. You are inviting these people to help you celebrate your wedding - I don’t understand why you would demand that they spend ridiculous amounts to do you the favor of supporting you at your wedding. 

 

ETA: Evelyn’s main “claim to fame” seems to be that she is a virgin. The morning after the wedding is going to be a hell of a let down if the thing that defined you and that you think make you special is gone. 

Edited by PityFree
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24 minutes ago, PityFree said:

The morning after the wedding is going to be a hell of a let down if the thing that defined you and that you think make you special is gone. 

Oh yes. Remember when you were a child, and that feeling after the presents were opened on Christmas morning?  Now think about how wonderful most people's first sexual experiences are. . . .I think there are going to be a lot of "fun facts" for Evelyn. . . .let's see if she can keep that stupid grin on her face.  

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1 hour ago, DangerousMinds said:

Not sure what she expected posting pics of her in a bikini though.

I don't think she was expecting anything, she simply said that is what made David's comments stand out and why she reached out.

Maybe one day we will get to the point that a women can post a picture she likes of herself and not get lewd comments to strangers. 

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18 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

Maybe one day we will get to the point that a women can post a picture she likes of herself and not get lewd comments to strangers. 

I assume you mean "lewd comments from strangers?"

Anyone who posts such pictures is calling attention to their physical attributes, and should expect people to comment in various ways.  The internet is one big public forum, and if you wouldn't dress in a certain way to go to a grocery store it is questionble to dress that way for photos which are accessible to the public.  Certainly no one should be shamed for showing their body, or called names, but a lot of things happen online which should not happen.  Reactions to a swimsuit photo are entirely predictable.  

Edited by Sprockets
addition
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11 minutes ago, Sprockets said:

Reactions to a swimsuit photo are entirely predictable.  

Yes which is why I suggested perhaps in a mythical future it won't be. However, Evelyn didn't seem that bothered by it she said she either blocked them or didn't respond.

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1 hour ago, PityFree said:

Why doesn’t the bridal couple pay for the tux rental/dresses for the people they want in their wedding? That’s what my family has always done. It might also help them to narrow the bridal party down to the most important people. You are inviting these people to help you celebrate your wedding - I don’t understand why you would demand that they spend ridiculous amounts to do you the favor of supporting you at your wedding. 

 

ETA: Evelyn’s main “claim to fame” seems to be that she is a virgin. The morning after the wedding is going to be a hell of a let down if the thing that defined you and that you think make you special is gone. 

 

This actually came up in our case. I do think that most people know when they accept an invitation to be in a wedding that there is a cost involved. We wanted to be respectful of that and did the best I thought we could. My daughter's girls all expected and said they were willing to spend up to about $200. We thought that was more than we should ask of them and she picked a dress around $140. Tux rentals at a place like Men's Wearhouse cost from $99 and up. $99 was enough so the choice was from that group. In addition he has two "grooms women" so my daughter chose a dress for them and then offered to pay $50 of their dress to help which made the dress about $75. Her groom said they didn't want to pay that but were willing to go buy a dress - they just didn't want to buy a dress they were asked to buy (this was before they even saw it so it wasn't a matter of "we don't like it'). We tried to talk to her fiancé about what is considered acceptable in their country (not a 3rd world place) and he said both the guys and the girls fully expected to buy or rent clothes - they just didn't want to be told what to wear. So money wasn't really the problem, they just used it as leverage not to have to conform. One of the groomswomen got married about 6 months ago. I saw pictures. She had 10 bridesmaids all with matching silk gowns. (my daughter has 3 girls standing for her) Her fiance was in the wedding and he said he paid for his tux ($250) and he knows the bridesmaids paid for those dresses. I guarantee a  long silk gown costs more than $75. So they are just being jerks because they can and her fiance doesn't care enough to even try to talk through ways to work it out. So now we know what the bridesmaids will wear but no clue about  the groomsmen or the groomswomen because they said 'we will choose something before we get there' (two days before the wedding). 

That said - I know some people who have had to turn down bridesmaid invitations because the dresses were $500 and up. Yikes. 

Edited by 3girlsforus
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2 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

Maybe I am old,  but I don't post pictures of myself for strangers. I think men's responses to young women in bikinis will remain universal no matter how many years pass.

I imagine you are not trying to be famous. I don't think asking someone if they are down to fuck is universal.

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6 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

Not sure what she expected posting pics of her in a bikini though.

I'm a man so maybe I'm just completely off-base here. Anyway, what I would expect is that people wouldn't be perverted troglodytes just because they're hiding behind a computer screen. I would expect them to remember that there's a person on the other end of their comments. I would expect that not every picture of a woman is met with comments either sexual or insulting/bullying in nature. I expect that women would be just as free to share pictures of themselves living their lives - just like men can do - without any backlash or victim-blaming.

I would say I'm sorry for what I am about to say, but I am not sorry and I'm not going to lie about being sorry in the interest of social norms or being polite. So here it is: Your comment is the equivalent of saying that because she's in a bikini (or other form-fitting or revealing attire), then it's no wonder she was raped. That shit doesn't fly with me. Men don't get to excuse their poor behaviour based on how someone looks. They have control over themselves and can decide how they act, and they're no more entitled to blame their poor behaviour on other people's choices than women are. (I'm ignoring the gender fluidity of our times for simplicity's sake.)

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I think Dangerous Minds was possibly referring to Evelyn being offended by comments re her bikini pics, not that Evelyn deserved to be disrespected . Jerk behavior on social media seems the rule rather than the exception, unfortunately these days.

 She’s this super special devout Christian girl saving it up for marriage, so given that, it was probably highly offensive to her to have been in the receiving end of some of those comments.  Usually, modesty is also a big deal with those in the purity crowd, but this varies, and as far as I’m concerned, she’s free to do as she sees fit. 

Evelyn is a pretty girl and she probably likes flattery and attention, and as long as people told her things that weren’t offensive to her, she was fine with that.  She’s young and naive enough to think she can have it both ways, but some guys are just going to be dickheads even if all she flashed was her pinky toe. That said, it doesn’t mean she or anyone else should be shamed or deterred from being themselves  because others have no class.

 People use the anonymity of the Internet to bring out their baser instincts and behavior that they’d be less likely to bring out under normal circumstances.  But, ideally,  respect is what it’s all about.  The problem is those who can’t seem to treat others with respect, not what someone is wearing. 

Edited by Arwen Evenstar
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13 hours ago, MrSmith said:

I'm a man so maybe I'm just completely off-base here. Anyway, what I would expect is that people wouldn't be perverted troglodytes just because they're hiding behind a computer screen. I would expect them to remember that there's a person on the other end of their comments. I would expect that not every picture of a woman is met with comments either sexual or insulting/bullying in nature. I expect that women would be just as free to share pictures of themselves living their lives - just like men can do - without any backlash or victim-blaming.

I would say I'm sorry for what I am about to say, but I am not sorry and I'm not going to lie about being sorry in the interest of social norms or being polite. So here it is: Your comment is the equivalent of saying that because she's in a bikini (or other form-fitting or revealing attire), then it's no wonder she was raped. That shit doesn't fly with me. Men don't get to excuse their poor behaviour based on how someone looks. They have control over themselves and can decide how they act, and they're no more entitled to blame their poor behaviour on other people's choices than women are. (I'm ignoring the gender fluidity of our times for simplicity's sake.)

Sorry, but you completely misread what I was trying to say.  Of course no one deserves to be raped, even if they are nude. But because I have a few decades on Evelyn, I know that posting pictures of yourself in a bikini (for COMPLETE STRANGERS) is going to bring some assholes out of the woodwork. She is naive to think she could avoid this. Those assholes are out of line and rude, but not unexpected. 

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On 10/28/2017 at 8:23 AM, Quof said:

 

Nope.  Matchy-matchy bridesmaids' dresses are for teenage brides playing princess (hi, Evelyn).  It's all about the photos. 

 

Yeah, and then what you wind up with when you get back from the honeymoon is a husband and a marriage.  Dipshits like Evelyn don't realize that.  They don't realize what goes into making a marriage.  As John Goodman says on Roseanne, "Marriage is a blood sport!"

I've been married for 21 years to my husband.  Two weeks ago, he lost his job due to corporate restructuring.  I only work part time at best because I am disabled.  We're okay, both emotionally and financially, but it's hard.  It's stressful.  I can't see Evelyn dealing with a 47-year-old husband who is frightened because he was blindsided by his employer and now has to find work in a field that is filled with younger people.  I can't see Evelyn dealing with anything bad, period.  She would just smirk that smug little smirk and blame David for everything.  

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15 minutes ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

Evelyn needs to be schooled with a few more “fun facts”.

Indeed. God does provide - lessons, challenges, tests, and then rewards.  Marriage is tough and there are many joys, many sorrows, and many curves in the road ahead. She has the hots for a dude and getting married will solve her problems in terms of his hotness. Go to school, get a skill to help you get a job and support yourself and be independent, date around, see what life has to bring you, and then get married.

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On 10/28/2017 at 9:50 AM, Matias130 said:

Does anyone else think Evelyn's dad looks like Jesus ? Or like he tries to look like that ? 

I think he has a little David Grohl going on. 

I was a wedding singer all through college and must have done 50 weddings in four years. Every one of those brides went to a lot of trouble and expense planning their very special, unique weddings back then (1980s), too. The truth is: The weddings were all the same. All the drama about matching dresses to shoes, to the groomsmen's ties and cummerbunds, just to end up with another pedestrian affair. 

Evelyn is a jerk. I can totally see her becoming a bridezilla. Please show, please! I want to see her lose her shit over doilies and centerpieces!

Edited by 7isBlue
Commas matter.
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When we had our wedding (not to be confused with when we got married, which was at the court house as part of our 90 days), I paid for all 5 of my bridesmaids' dresses. However, I just waited until prom season was over with and then I went to Dillard's and bought a bunch in the same color (but different styles) at 75% off. The girls loved them. I didn't pay more then $20 for any one of them. My husband rented a tux but the other men wore nice suits. We served Mexican food at the reception and had an open bar and a live country music band. Nobody remembers what anyone was wearing. It was a blast. 

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But mamadrama, it's HER wedding!  Her wedding that SHE has been dreaming about HER WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!  So twee!  Pastor Tim!  Manic Pixie Dream Girl Super Barbie Fun Dream Wedding!

Who wants to bet that she caterwauls at the wedding and/or the reception?

HER wedding!  

Fun fact: Your wedding couldn't have been fun, because there was no matchy-matchy!

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28 minutes ago, bethster2000 said:

Fun fact: Your wedding couldn't have been fun, because there was no matchy-matchy!

Oh, the horrors! ;-)

 

Girlfriend doesn't want a marriage-she wants a wedding and the subsequent wedding night. Good luck, David.

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On 10/28/2017 at 8:16 AM, Sprockets said:

These schmucks don't seem to realize that the bride decides these things, and the bride is the person they will be living with after the wedding.  David was whining that he "needs" these people at his wedding, and I'm sure it would be nice for him, but he needs to buy a clue about his long-term priorities.  

Maybe the bride decides these things here in the USA, but that might not be the case in Spain.  Evelyn was being just as whiney as David, insisting she get things her way, while making David's friends pay for it.

The simple compromise would be for Evelyn to get her family to pay the  $500 for the tuxes or at least pay half.

The fact that he wants his friends there so badly is a good indicator that he is taking the wedding seriously and not just seeking a green card.

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19 minutes ago, Bryce Lynch said:

The simple compromise would be for Evelyn to get her family to pay the  $500 for the tuxes or at least pay half.

Of course.  The fact that the answer is so simple points to this being a routine premarital power struggle.  It could have been about anything.  

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21 minutes ago, Bryce Lynch said:

Maybe the bride decides these things here in the USA, but that might not be the case in Spain.  Evelyn was being just as whiney as David, insisting she get things her way, while making David's friends pay for it.

The simple compromise would be for Evelyn to get her family to pay the  $500 for the tuxes or at least pay half.

The fact that he wants his friends there so badly is a good indicator that he is taking the wedding seriously and not just seeking a green card.

These could have been solutions but I didn’t hear them coming from David either. He said Evelyn needs to learn to compromise but I didn’t hear any suggestions other than ‘no’ from David. 

I’m also wondering if David has any money. Did he have a job in Spain? Is he contributing to his living expenses or their wedding? 

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20 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

Sorry, but you completely misread what I was trying to say.  Of course no one deserves to be raped, even if they are nude. But because I have a few decades on Evelyn, I know that posting pictures of yourself in a bikini (for COMPLETE STRANGERS) is going to bring some assholes out of the woodwork. She is naive to think she could avoid this. Those assholes are out of line and rude, but not unexpected. 

I apologize for misreading your post. In my defense, there was a dearth of context there to help me. Also in my defense, people who make excuses for men treating women that way is a serious trigger for me. Those lame excuses take away my agency, as well, in addition to being completely illogical; both of which are anathema to me.

Edited by MrSmith
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the fact that they were already arguing on the phone doesn't bode well.

Like someone said, you can't hang up on someone whom you sleep next to at night.

She is painfully immature and has no clue what marriage is.

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7 minutes ago, Lesia said:

the fact that they were already arguing on the phone doesn't bode well.

Like someone said, you can't hang up on someone whom you sleep next to at night.

She is painfully immature and has no clue what marriage is.

She obviously  hasn’t thought much about marriage, all she wants is sex, sex, sex. It’s all about the wedding night for her. She’s going to be in for a rude awakening the morning after. You can’t just “hang up” on marriage. 

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On 10/28/2017 at 11:51 AM, bethster2000 said:

Amen!

I'm a pretty nonviolent person, one might even call me a pacifist, but I want to punch Evelyn right in the smug little chops with her "fun fact."    Fun fact: you're a miserable little bitch.  Fun fact: You're too immature to get married.  Fun fact: You're selfish.  Fun fact:  You can't sing for shit.

I bet he wanted to smack her, too. And I laughed when he said, "here's another fun fact..." But really, WTF is he doing with her? What does he do for a living?

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5 hours ago, politichick said:

I bet he wanted to smack her, too. And I laughed when he said, "here's another fun fact..." But really, WTF is he doing with her? What does he do for a living?

Iv'e been asking the same question. He's quick to point out that Evelyn is young and needs to grow up. But he's 28. What is he doing for a living? What are his plans for supporting himself and his new wife? What has he been doing for the past 8 or so years during which he should have been developing self-sufficiency? And if he has a career has he made any efforts to figure out how that career will transfer to the US? He could have tried to pursue a work visa instead of a K-1. And if he doesn't have a job, why the hell not? What does he plan to do once his 'can't work' time is over her?

I completely agree that Evelyn is a whiny shrew, but of all the people who get to point at her and say 'you need to grow up', the 28 year old man about to get married who isn't discussing getting a job and supporting his family isn't the first one who gets to throw stones.

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3girls, Y e s !!   I mentioned that last week when we first saw David Spain --   Those are all excellent and pertinent questions.  The show has been careful not to touch on that at all; usually it'd come up in conversation.   We do know Luis is a bartender, but what about  the pouting dude in Dublin, who is also in his late 20s ?    I'm kind of p.o.'d that the show is keeping those pretty significant facts off-stage, because it is a huge element of each story, actually.

("Fun fact":   A long time ago I first discovered Television Without Pity by way of an article in Newsweek that said it was an internet resource where the comments were easily tracked, and pretty intelligent, and the producers of show actually looked at the site to see what their viewers were thinking.  So, if that is still true:  Producers:  It's important - what do these guys do for a living??

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1 minute ago, Chippings said:

3girls, Y e s !!   I mentioned that last week when we first saw David Spain --   Those are all excellent and pertinent questions.  The show has been careful not to touch on that at all; usually it'd come up in conversation.   We do know Luis is a bartender, but what about  the pouting dude in Dublin, who is also in his late 20s ?    I'm kind of p.o.'d that the show is keeping those pretty significant facts off-stage, because it is a huge element of each story, actually.

("Fun fact":   A long time ago I first discovered Television Without Pity by way of an article in Newsweek that said it was an internet resource where the comments were easily tracked, and pretty intelligent, and the producers of show actually looked at the site to see what their viewers were thinking.  So, if that is still true:  Producers:  It's important - what do these guys do for a living??

I think it’s pretty important for Azan too considering he seems to be big into gender roles - Moraccan kids behave perfectly and Moraccan woman cook healthy meals every day. 

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38 minutes ago, 3girlsforus said:

And if he doesn't have a job, why the hell not? What does he plan to do once his 'can't work' time is over her?

According to Evelyn, God will provide, cuz we’re in luvr....

Da heck? Even the most church goingest in lurv... people I knew had a plan before even thinking about getting married. Gone are the days that providin’ counted as shooting a couple of ”squirls” for dinner on the family back 40.  Even since Evelyn)’s Parents married, we’re  looking at a  completely different economic reality.

I get it, her parents married young and it worked for them, so they have no issues allowing that for Evelyn.  I’m sure her dad sees it as a good thing that David is older because that might mean maturity or a better financial head start, but if Davud hasn’t been able to work much in Spain or got to do much, then maybe not.

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