All Episodes Talk: Small World, Big Lives

[funky-rat]

On 6/9/2019 at 9:02 AM, Caracoa1 said:

I get the feeling Amy doesn't trust that her kids will visit her in a new home... Jeremy and Audrey look their nose down on Amy...you need a written invitation in order to come anywhere near the Jeremy and Audrey Roloff home.... All the children (minus Molly) treat the farm as their own personal and private park...

That is what I got out of it too.  The kids feel comfortable coming to the farm, plus Matt is there, so they can visit both parents, even if not together, since they're in the same vicinity.  Jerk and Oddj will likely end up moving back to Bend, as they've expressed desire to do that.  Molly lives in Washington.  I don't see Jake sticking around on the farm if Amy leaves (and I'm not 100% sure if he's still with Amy now or not).  And I think she thinks things will get awkward with Zach and Tori - they've pretty much said it would themselves.

23 hours ago, alegtostandon said:

Was it ever explained why he had never married before?  

He's never specifically said, but he's been opening up more and more, and he did say that he had more than one relationship end due to cheating (he wasn't the cheater) and that made him wary.

[Literata]

On 6/9/2019 at 10:34 AM, alegtostandon said:

Edited June 10, 2019 by Literata
Double post; apologies.

[Literata]

Just now, Literata said:

Sticking only to the information we've gleaned on this site -- Amy strongly indicated during a podcast with Lisa that was posted here that Matt had cheated with Caryn while Matt and Amy were still married. 

Circumstantial evidence: everything else. And there's a ton of it. 

Armchair psychology: Matt's younger brother, also an LP, was married to and had kids with an average-size woman. I wonder if that's considered desirable among some in the LP community, and if Matt looks upon his relationship with Caryn as a badge of honor -- e.g., "Look at me -- a woman who has only been with average-size men has agreed to be with me." So perhaps once it became clear he had a chance with Caryn, he used the opportunity to put the "our marriage isn't working" spin on things so he could extricate himself from Amy.

Matt's proven himself to be a snake on numerous occasions throughout the years. My opinion is that everything in the demise of the marriage led exactly where he wanted it to ... a magical land where he's allowed to show off his average-size side piece on national TV, without consequence or concern about anyone else's feelings,   

[AZChristian]

On 6/9/2019 at 8:34 AM, alegtostandon said:

Was it ever explained why he (Chris) had never married before?  

Maybe he strung along previous relationships as slowly as he has strung along Amy, and the women involved got tired of waiting.  Maybe the women found someone else, and Chris decided that that was cheating.

Edited June 10, 2019 by AZChristian

[IndianPaintbrush]

Is Chris stringing Amy along? I haven't seen evidence of that. No one knows what goes on in a relationship except the two people who are in it. Yes, Amy has expressed a desire to get married again, but that doesn't mean she's unhappy with the way things are currently. If she is unhappy, she knows where the door is.

I don't know how anyone can say what's real and what isn't when so much of the "drama" on this show is manufactured or exaggerated. And I don't believe that never being married automatically means the guy is a commitment-phobe.

Edited June 10, 2019 by IndianPaintbrush

[sATL]

15 minutes ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

Is Chris stringing Amy along? I haven't seen evidence of that. No one knows what goes on in a relationship except the two people who are in it. Yes, Amy has expressed a desire to get married again, but that doesn't mean she's unhappy with the way things are currently. If she is unhappy, she knows where the door is.

I don't know how anyone can say what's real and what isn't when so much of the "drama" on this show is manufactured or exaggerated. And I don't believe that never being married automatically means the guy is a commitment-phobe.

I can't say about who is stringing whom... but IMO Amy is one of those "ride and die" relationship people.

We all see now that she probably stayed with Matt too many years too long. seems like she would have set him straight, how she required to be treated by her husband, long before Caryn was in the picture.

So as long as Chris is paying her the attention she needs/wants at the moment, she's happy with or without a ring on it.

Edited June 10, 2019 by sATL

[gerry]

I'm in the UK so the last show just aired last night. What really amazed us was Zach & Tori completely misunderstanding the purpose of the steroid injection - if an injection was going to allow the disc to realign - which is what Zach said it would do - then the first doctor wouldn't have suggested surgery. Even Matt said it would only give him temporary relief but in their usual denial mode, they hop along to the hospital expecting an injection to make everything ok. You wonder if they're actually adequately equipped to deal with real life on a day-to-day basis, without the prop of the show and it's income.

Both Amy & Matt have their faults, for sure and if Matt & Caryn's relationship did start before the divorce, then it's tough for Amy to deal with, I accept that. But she's got to put it all to rest now and move forward. All her snipey remarks - like they both liked to travel but it never worked out, and Matt bulldozing over everyone - she just can't be with him without having to make these snide comments, so she'd be better off not agreeing to these awkward hook ups. At least Matt had the grace to say he wanted it to work out for all of them as she's the Mother of his children - whether he really meant it or not is neither here nor there - but it made him look way better than Amy and, quite frankly, her constant whining about one thing or another. Yup, life is tough - but she's got 4 kids, reaped the benefits of the farm and of the income from the show, travelled extensively and even bagged herself an ok boyfriend. There's a hell of a lot people a hell of a lot worse off.

[jumper sage]

On 6/9/2019 at 11:34 AM, alegtostandon said:

Was it ever explained why he had never married before? 

I find the whole thing of, 'why wasn't he married', or he is stringing her a long very old fashioned.  I am not married.  I am in a relationship for 27 years and have a kid.  I never wanted to get married and found someone who wanted the same things out of life as I did.  I think too many people are worried about "the ring" and not what works best.  My sister is on her 3rd marriage, two husbands, and has caused so much pain for her entire family.  I find the whole ring thing, marriage thing a control problem people have. 

On 6/9/2019 at 12:02 PM, Jeanne222 said:

When we had our lake house the kids loved it there.  We had them every single weekend.  Coming and going with their kids sleeping wherever and even bringing tents for long weekends when everybody was there.  The boats and pontoon, paddle boats and water toys kept everybody busy and delicious meals it was like running a bed and breakfast.  But it kept us close and with no camera's I think the Roloffs could have a good time with something like that.

Edited June 12, 2019 by jumper sage
I couldn't get in that I LOVE @JEANNE222 LAKE HOUSE

[BodhiGurl]

Catching up - scene with Matt/Caryn and Zach/Tori at dinner. I found it wildly inappropriate for Matt to discuss the "farm" situation with Zach. Even seemed like Zach found it a bit uncomfortable to discuss. Matt doesn't need to involve their kids, but then again - he wouldn't be Matt if he wasn't constantly bringing up Amy. I rarely hear Amy bring up Matt in conversations with her children or her friends. Oy.  And now in the scene I'm watching he's trying to shame Amy by mentioning how it's impacting the whole family. Cripes. Why anyone puts up with his shenanigans I'll never know.

She should fence in her house and block her view of Matt. Really she should take the buy out and leave, but I understand, beyond the notion of drumming this up for the show, why she'd not want to leave. 

[SunnyBeBe]

Amy regularly unloads her feelings about the farm situation, what she's feeling about, what the options are to Zack, so, that's not something that only Matt does.  In fact, I think that Amy has done it more this season.  Zach has learned to stay out of it, as he says.  

I hope that Zach's spine situation improves, but, stuff like that.....usually doesn't.  Maybe, the injections can buy him time though.  They must not have googled his condition. 

[Jeanne222]

21 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Amy regularly unloads her feelings about the farm situation, what she's feeling about, what the options are to Zack, so, that's not something that only Matt does.  In fact, I think that Amy has done it more this season.  Zach has learned to stay out of it, as he says.  

I hope that Zach's spine situation improves, but, stuff like that.....usually doesn't.  Maybe, the injections can buy him time though.  They must not have googled his condition. 

Amy does keep the hate going and it makes her look so bad.  Matt was wrong, they got a divorce, both walked away with plenty now move along. 

I think Chris notices this side of Amy and I'm sure it give him pause.  It's like Amy becomes a different personality whenever Matt is mentioned and she comes out looking bad from the remarks she makes.  Her face even changes and not for the good.

I'm sure the remarks are from bitterness if he cheated but it's over and she has a new man who's watching her.  Make him like what he sees!

[SunnyBeBe]

I agree about Amy letting go. Hate is a heavy burden to bear.  I recently heard that saying was attributed to the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.  

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/martin_luther_king_jr_297520

[dariafan]

First season, maybe 2 I liked Matt.  Then the dui’s and the whining. And the pumpkin accident turned me off .  Amy is no saint.  I’m a messy person and that house condition made me ill .  But everything is what Matt wants and how will it affect him.   

[HighlandWarriorGrl]

On 6/14/2019 at 1:54 PM, SunnyBeBe said:

I agree about Amy letting go. Hate is a heavy burden to bear.  I recently heard that saying was attributed to the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.  

I think that hate and hurt sometimes get confused by people.  What may look to some like hate is often hurt and mistrust because of that hurt.  I have never once heard Amy say that she hates Matt.  IIRC, she was trying to get him to go to counseling and to save the marriage all the way to the end.  That’s not hate, that’s hurt.  If it was hate, she would have run in the opposite direction from him and put her energy into taking everything that he had by spewing everything in the media about all the “issues.”

I’m reminded of the late Princess Diana and her comment, “Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”  Once that third person enters the marriage, the possibility for reconciliation or renewal is gone.  It may well be true that Matt and Amy were never truly suited to each other but perhaps they married during a time when they both felt their dating pool was limited.  Many life long marriages and families have started with less and even arranged marriages have worked in their way for many centuries.  Who’s to say theirs couldn’t have?  It’s really moot at this point.  

The one thing I really get tired of hearing though is how only “Amy” needs to get over it and move on.  Matt could have moved on two years ago.  Why didn’t he?  They are both hanging around for the same reason - the show.  So let’s stop making Amy the root of all evils.  She’s happy and living life, just like Matt.

[SunnyBeBe]

I don't know Amy's heart, but, she seemed to despise Matt through much of the years that I watched them on the show.  Some of it was downright painful.  But, if she's over that, great. Maybe, it's just Caryn that she has issues with now.  

[funky-rat]

42 minutes ago, dariafan said:

First season, maybe 2 I liked Matt.  Then the dui’s and the whining. And the pumpkin accident turned me off .  Amy is no saint.  I’m a messy person and that house condition made me ill .  But everything is what Matt wants and how will it affect him.   

Me too with Matt. Then he lost me as well.  Amy doesn't seem to have issue with keeping the house clean now, but I wasn't there, so I don't know what happened.  I personally tend to deal with a situation for so long, then let it go until the other person gets my message, so maybe she was doing the same.  Or figured it was easier to deal with the things at hand, and just let the rest go.  

3 minutes ago, HighlandWarriorGrl said:

I think that hate and hurt sometimes get confused by people.  What may look to some like hate is often hurt and mistrust because of that hurt.  I have never once heard Amy say that she hates Matt.  IIRC, she was trying to get him to go to counseling and to save the marriage all the way to the end.  That’s not hate, that’s hurt.  If it was hate, she would have run in the opposite direction from him and put her energy into taking everything that he had by spewing everything in the media about all the “issues.”

I’m reminded of the late Princess Diana and her comment, “Well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”  Once that third person enters the marriage, the possibility for reconciliation or renewal is gone.  It may well be true that Matt and Amy were never truly suited to each other but perhaps they married during a time when they both felt their dating pool was limited.  Many life long marriages and families have started with less and even arranged marriages have worked in their way for many centuries.  Who’s to say theirs couldn’t have?  It’s really moot at this point.  

The one thing I really get tired of hearing though is how only “Amy” needs to get over it and move on.  Matt could have moved on two years ago.  Why didn’t he?  They are both hanging around for the same reason - the show.  So let’s stop making Amy the root of all evils.  She’s happy and living life, just like Matt.

It's also hard to let go when Matt is constantly "You're messing up my ability to move on!" and changing his mind every 10 minutes what he wants. Then when she shows signs of having things sorted out, he throws a monkey wrench in the works (ie: I love and want the big house because the DW doesn't work for me and it's nooootttt faaaaiiirrrrr...oh....you want the DW side?  The big house doesn't work for me and I love the DW!!!).

The best minister I have known told us once that you should forgive, but not necessarily forget.  You shouldn't hold on to stuff if at all possible, but you should also try to be mindful to see how a situation got bad, and try to keep eyes open, and avoid heading that way again (no, he wasn't saying it was necessarily someone's fault they got in to a bad situation, but to be mindful and keep watch to protect yourself in the future).  And I think she's somewhat in that boat.

[Literata]

5 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I don't know Amy's heart, but, she seemed to despise Matt through much of the years that I watched them on the show.  Some of it was downright painful.  But, if she's over that, great. Maybe, it's just Caryn that she has issues with now.  

I think I'd also have a hard time acting as though everything was peachy if I were married to someone who couldn't be bothered with his children's interests and activities, was racking up DUIs, had no follow-through skills, and exhibited more than a few symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

And, really, in response to another post, I'm tired of hearing about the condition of the damned house when the kids were growing up. Matt couldn't be bothered to lift a finger; does anyone else remember watching scenes of Matt sleeping in while Amy drove the kids to school? After making sure they had clean clothes, feeding them breakfast, and -- I don't know -- taking interest in them as humans?

I have a difficult time understanding how Amy could have reacted any other way. She obviously grew up thinking marriage was meant to last; my guess is she told herself that she needed to buck up and deal with Matt's bullshit for the sake of the kids, and perhaps because, somewhere deep down, she still loved him. But he wasn't a partner. He was irresponsible and dismissive.  

And yet, Amy was somehow expected to "stand by her man," and do it with a smile on her face? Come on. I wonder how Amy would have been collectively judged had she slept in, skipped soccer games because they bored her, been charged with DUI -- twice -- and left family vacations early. Sorry, but the double standard around this is ridiculously blatant. 

[winsomeone]

I wonder if Jeremy or Zack would have turned out differently if Matt had had any say in their upbringing?

[Literata]

1 hour ago, winsomeone said:

I wonder if Jeremy or Zack would have turned out differently if Matt had had any say in their upbringing?

I'm certain Amy would have appreciated it if Matt had taken any interest. Sleeping in, not attending your kids' activities because they "bore" you, racking up DUIs and leaving family vacations early doesn't leave much time for a person to exert much paternal influence.

[winsomeone]

You certainly do hate Matt. He must have done something right, as they sure do have enough money now.

[HighlandWarriorGrl]

26 minutes ago, winsomeone said:

You certainly do hate Matt. He must have done something right, as they sure do have enough money now.

I think this family is a poster family for “money isn’t everything.”  It didn’t save their family from heartbreak and being broken apart and it may have even caused some scars.  

. . . And there’s a lot to hate about Matt.  Yes, he’s a money maker.  He hit the little person lottery by being first to the trough of reality TV.  But the whole family earned that money by throwing their lives open to the general public, not just him.  Do you really think he could have been as financially successful just running a farm and pumpkin season without the reality TV notoriety?  That’s what made him the money to do all of his projects, and it wouldn’t have been a hit without a family to watch.  No network would have bought the Matt Roloff show.  No family, no money.  

But I bet any of those kids (and Amy) would have been better off with less money and more of his time and parental guidance.  Things he either didn’t think worth his time or were less important than drinking or dallying with the help.

[readheaded]

1 hour ago, winsomeone said:

You certainly do hate Matt. He must have done something right, as they sure do have enough money now.

I don't hate Matt, but I also don't trust or respect him, either.  I also wonder how much of the money he made was from unethical and/or illegal methods.

[Literata]

7 hours ago, winsomeone said:

You certainly do hate Matt. He must have done something right, as they sure do have enough money now.

I honestly can't think of anyone I "hate." I certainly wouldn't say I hate someone I don't know.

From what we've seen over the years, Matt is selfish and dishonest. He's an attention whore, an irresponsible business owner, and a long-disinterested father. I could go on.

As I've said so many times that I'm sure people are sick of it: Substitute the name "Amy" for the name "Matt." That gives us "Amy was arrested for DUI twice." "Amy didn't attend Zach's soccer games because they bored her." "Amy cultivated an inappropriate relationship with a farm employee while married to Matt." I imagine you'd judge Amy pretty harshly.

I am genuinely trying to understand the double standard.

[beeziebee]

On 6/21/2019 at 6:54 PM, Literata said:

I honestly can't think of anyone I "hate." I certainly wouldn't say I hate someone I don't know.

From what we've seen over the years, Matt is selfish and dishonest. He's an attention whore, an irresponsible business owner, and a long-disinterested father. I could go on.

As I've said so many times that I'm sure people are sick of it: Substitute the name "Amy" for the name "Matt." That gives us "Amy was arrested for DUI twice." "Amy didn't attend Zach's soccer games because they bored her." "Amy cultivated an inappropriate relationship with a farm employee while married to Matt." I imagine you'd judge Amy pretty harshly.

I am genuinely trying to understand the double standard.

You hit the nail on the head.  I don't think anyone hates Matt.  The double standard is mind-boggling.  Couldn't agree with your post more.

Edited June 24, 2019 by beeziebee

[Jeanne222]

On 6/9/2019 at 6:28 PM, Caracoa1 said:

Zach will have to get off his dead ass and get a job...does he have any kind of marketable skills?  

No and neither does Jeremy or Jacob.  The only one that has shuffled off to Buffalo and refuses to be 'part of the show' is the daughter.  Smart girl!

[funky-rat]

On 6/24/2019 at 10:10 AM, beeziebee said:

You hit the nail on the head.  I don't think anyone hates Matt.  The double standard is mind-boggling.  Couldn't agree with your post more.

The double-standard is used on Zach and Tori too - especially on social media.  Neither Z & T nor J & A really hold down any conventional job that would bring in a steady income that would sustain a family (other than the show), but J & A are praised for their podcasts and marriage advice crap, while Z & T are called lazy.  Neither of the boys graduated from college (I believe Molly is the only one who did that - I'm NOT counting Jeremy's photography school, as that's been proven to be a scam).  They barely graduated high school.  They're on a pretty even playing field, but not in the general court of public opinion.

People were full of praise for Audrey when she was pregnant, but I was sickened by the general concensus that Tori shouldn't have kids beause of the chance of dwarfism, and the criticism of her for it (and it's gotten worse with her 2nd pregnancy).  I stopped following them on social media because I couldn't stand the commentary anymore.

[ginger90]

2 minutes ago, funky-rat said:

People were full of praise for Audrey when she was pregnant

I must  have missed that.

[funky-rat]

Just now, ginger90 said:

I must  have missed that.

Not here.  Read the LPBW Facebook page sometime, if you can handle the mind-boggling commentary.  I ultimately unfollowed the show.

[Scarlett45]

4 hours ago, funky-rat said:

The double-standard is used on Zach and Tori too - especially on social media.  Neither Z & T nor J & A really hold down any conventional job that would bring in a steady income that would sustain a family (other than the show), but J & A are praised for their podcasts and marriage advice crap, while Z & T are called lazy.  Neither of the boys graduated from college (I believe Molly is the only one who did that - I'm NOT counting Jeremy's photography school, as that's been proven to be a scam).  They barely graduated high school.  They're on a pretty even playing field, but not in the general court of public opinion.

People were full of praise for Audrey when she was pregnant, but I was sickened by the general concensus that Tori shouldn't have kids beause of the chance of dwarfism, and the criticism of her for it (and it's gotten worse with her 2nd pregnancy).  I stopped following them on social media because I couldn't stand the commentary anymore.

I think many people are not willing to look at their own biases or examine their privilege. Matt never ever examined his privilege as a heterosexual white male (who claims to be a Christian), he was just bitter about what his existence as a LP person denied him. And you can see that in a lot of his interactions and attitudes about women.

I believe he absolutely cheated on Amy with Carin, and while sexual infidelity doesn’t upset me as much as it does other people (I understand why someone would end a relationship because of infidelity, I just don’t think it’s THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL EVER)- Amy has been a lady and has every right to comment on things that happened to her when everyone involved is a reality tv personality. She wasn’t a woman scorned who showed up at his office shouting from the roof tops.

Audrey and Zach are ALWAYS going to “get away” with more obnoxious behaviors because they are more conventionally attractive as such people “aspire” to be like them. Where as I’m 100% certain there’s a subset of the population that unconsciously and consciously thinks Zach should be happy he’s allowed to marry an average height woman at all. 

I would like to see in future episodes Amy attending the LP convention and have Zach give insight on his experiences raising an LP child in 2019. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

heterosexual white male

This phrase is getting old, creaky and leaks water.

2 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

don’t think it’s THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL EVER)-

Yes it is

[gonecrackers]

4 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I just don’t think it’s THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL EVER)

I believe it is, for one because it's tied into so many other character flaws, such as lies, deception, sneakiness, etc. It demonstrates a total lack of respect & destroys trust, & once that's gone there's really nothing left. It also hurts like hell - as in constant emotional pain & turmoil, to be married to someone like that. Some couples make it through if the offender is willing to do hard work, but most of the time it's a marriage killer.

[Scarlett45]

42 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I believe it is, for one because it's tied into so many other character flaws, such as lies, deception, sneakiness, etc. It demonstrates a total lack of respect & destroys trust, & once that's gone there's really nothing left. It also hurts like hell - as in constant emotional pain & turmoil, to be married to someone like that. Some couples make it through if the offender is willing to do hard work, but most of the time it's a marriage killer.

I would never tell anyone how to feel, or to stay in a marriage they don’t want to be in because they don’t trust their partner, but for me having sexual contact with someone else (when you’ve agreed to be sexually monogamous) is bad (for the reasons you listed above), but it’s no where near the top of the list of things one can do to betray a spouse/life partner. “Financial Infidelity” is WAY higher on my list. I’d have wanted to leave Matt over the DUI before sex with another woman. 

As for the bolded- I don’t think so; if you mean the marriage is killed and ends in a legal divorce. A LOT of people (men and women) cheat. A lot. A lot. For a variety of reasons- many of them don’t end their marriages over it. No I don’t think everyone cheats or people aren’t capable of being monogamous when they want to be, but I think many give lip service to the idea because it’s socially expected. 

Back to Matt & Amy- I certainly understand Amy being hurt by Matt’s actions. ESPECIALLY with Carin-their employee for Pete’s Sake, that was just ridiculous. You shouldn’t shit where you eat. I also think it’s taken her longer to process than a similarly situation person, because 1. She still works with Matt professionally; so even though their children are grown she still has constant contact with him 2. She still has contact with Carin as his girlfriend now.

She’s spoken her peace in a very dignified way, I think out of concern for her children and her own reputation. Living well is the best revenge. She should keep focusing on that and enjoying not having to be married to Matt any more. 

[gonecrackers]

28 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

“Financial Infidelity” is WAY higher on my list. I’d have wanted to leave Matt over the DUI before sex with another woman. 

It's not for many, many others, however. 

30 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

s for the bolded- I don’t think so; if you mean the marriage is killed and ends in a legal divorce. A LOT of people (men and women) cheat. A lot. A lot. For a variety of reasons- many of them don’t end their marriages over it.

It's a marriage killer in terms of divorce, yes, but also in terms of the entire relationship changing, as in, this person is not trustworthy.

I know many women who stay in these marriage for varied personal reasons, but honestly, they are all miserable. It's a killer for sure, in many ways.

[gerry]

I agree with Scarlett45 - financial betrayal has such a domino effect and can easily affect the lives of so many people as well as a spouse. Kids could be left with no roof over their head - friends & relatives may have lent money only to find it never gets paid back leading to further distress. And what about violence within a relationship - isn't that a betrayal of the trust and respect you have for each other (and your vows if you're married)? If I HAD to make a choice between staying with a man who cheated sexually, or one who beat me black & blue, I know which one I'd choose 

[gonecrackers]

I agree financial issues are horrible. I had a relative married to a gambler; they stayed married. But the son grew up to be a gambler. He married but got thrown out on his ass & divorced - quickly. She was smart to do that.  But I also know of women having to get regular STD testing due to cheating husbands they won't/can't leave. Some of them get sick & die, which happened to one of my relatives. All are toxic & dangerous in their own ways, but one became deadly. Just saying.

Reg. Amy, she was probably stuck in a sense, that, she had little self esteem (& cheating husband are good at destroying any you might have), she was trying to keep a family together, & they had a show that was providing good income. Even if she was up to dumping Matt earlier on they may have lost the show. I think she was in a tough spot, as many women are for various reasons, whether married to a gambler, cheater, etc.

Edited July 9, 2019 by gonecrackers

[Caracoa1]

Amy has money in the bank and I'm sure her future is secure financially...she needs to let go of the farm for good and with that, Matt.  She has the worst case of FOMO I have seen so I doubt she will let go.

[bobalina]

Amy will never be totally away from Matt. They share kids and grandkids.

[Jeanne222]

5 hours ago, Caracoa1 said:

Amy has money in the bank and I'm sure her future is secure financially...she needs to let go of the farm for good and with that, Matt.  She has the worst case of FOMO I have seen so I doubt she will let go.

Amy will never leave peacefully because without the farm and Matt Amy does not shine.  So she continues to hold onto the fame that was given to her by the above.  Never has she been grateful for either.  All we see is a very bitter woman.  If she wants to keep Chris she better lighten up.  Her face contorts every time she is near Matt.  She's free now so she doesn't have to stay but her FOMO continues on.  It's painful to watch hateful Amy. 

[bobalina]

22 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

Amy will never leave peacefully because without the farm and Matt Amy does not shine.  So she continues to hold onto the fame that was given to her by the above.  Never has she been grateful for either.  All we see is a very bitter woman.  If she wants to keep Chris she better lighten up.  Her face contorts every time she is near Matt.  She's free now so she doesn't have to stay but her FOMO continues on.  It's painful to watch hateful Amy. 

Matt gave Amy nothing. She and the kids were just as responsible for the success of the show. Maybe more so since Matts "poor little me, ain't I a cute little stinker" wore thin pretty fast. Amy has made a career as a motivational speaker. Wilm it last? Who knows.

Amy's bitter? Who wouldn't be when the husband who considers time with the family a waste of time screws the help, someone their kids spend time with. She's been far more reasonable than most people would be.

Watching creepy, selfish Matt and his goldigger is painful for some of us

[Scarlett45]

On 7/9/2019 at 1:17 AM, gerry said:

I agree with Scarlett45 - financial betrayal has such a domino effect and can easily affect the lives of so many people as well as a spouse. Kids could be left with no roof over their head - friends & relatives may have lent money only to find it never gets paid back leading to further distress. And what about violence within a relationship - isn't that a betrayal of the trust and respect you have for each other (and your vows if you're married)? If I HAD to make a choice between staying with a man who cheated sexually, or one who beat me black & blue, I know which one I'd choose 

Yeah. And at the end of the day it is JUST SEX. Women step out on their marriages too. Many people stay married/business partners but agree to have separate social and sexual lives.

I think for Amy it wasn’t that Matt stepped out with another woman, but that it was his ASSISTANT and then insulted her intelligence by not being upfront about it- that was slap in the face. And again, because of their business connections it would take her longer to grieve than it would someone else in her position who was divorcing with grown kids. The farm, the show, and all that. I’ve seen in various episodes her looking at him with contempt in her eyes  

I’m not saying it’s not a human reaction for her to be upset at the situation, but I think the years of Matt’s bad attitude, alcohol abuse etc hurt her more than him having sex with Carin. 

On 7/13/2019 at 11:37 AM, bobalina said:

Amy will never be totally away from Matt. They share kids and grandkids.

Yeah- I think she’s trying to find a way to have a respectful relationship with him because they are going to be around each other for a long time. It’s not as if they life on separate sides of the country and split time with the kids/grandkids. 

Being divorced (especially with someone you share a business with) can be very hard. People hold onto things for years! 

[gonecrackers]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yeah. And at the end of the day it is JUST SEX. Women step out on their marriages too. Many people stay married/business partners but agree to have separate social and sexual lives.

It's not "Just sex" when a person is married & committed. That is way too broad a statement that can cause offense to some who have been hurt by infidelity. Couples who agree to it are their own thing, & Matt & Amy did not seem to have that kind of 'agreement'. Whatever you may think, sex with others when married is a huge betrayal, & there are trauma counselors that specialize in just this type of emotional injury for that reason.

[Scarlett45]

20 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

It's not "Just sex" when a person is married & committed. That is way too broad a statement that can cause offense to some who have been hurt by infidelity. Couples who agree to it are their own thing, & Matt & Amy did not seem to have that kind of 'agreement'. Whatever you may think, sex with others when married is a huge betrayal, & there are trauma counselors that specialize in just this type of emotional injury for that reason.

I am not trying to tell any individual how to feel. There are seven billion people on this planet- an individual has every right to their emotions, and no one should be in a relationship they don’t want to be in. I am speaking against the cultural narrative that assumes everyone must feel the exact same way about monogamy/infidelity. 

I am giving another perspective on how Amy might be dealing with this internally. (Which is a minority voice in our culture that I think gives a lot of lip service to monogamy although many people aren’t consistently monogamous). 

Of course I am not Amy, and I could be 100% wrong (as I am not one of her personal intimates who would know how she reacts), I’m just going by what I see on the screen. I didn’t see heartbreak for Matt in her eyes (even in the early days) I saw sadness at the loss of the life she thought she had and contempt for him now (not that I blame her for that). 

[SunnyBeBe]

Amy's disdain for Matt predates Caryn quite a bit. 

In the early days of the show, I didn't know much about these people, but, recall that after a short while, my family and I felt sorry for Matt.  Amy was so verbally aggressive, insulting, temperamental and void of compassion towards him. For years, I said, you know, I bet Matt finds a nice person to be with.....Oh well.....

I sense that people close to Amy probably warned her that it might happen too, but, she wouldn't listen. (NOT that it justifies cheating, IF that is what happened. I'm still on board that it might have been an emotional affair and not physical, but, that's wrong too.) Wrong is wrong, but, people are human.    However, I think that Amy NOW blames herself for being that hostile, angry wife and that's the main reason that she can't let it go.  What she doesn't get is that Chris sees this side of her and imo, wonders if she'll ever get that way towards him.  It HAS to enter his mind.   You know the saying....you never divorce the same person you married. lol

[bobalina]

31 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Amy's disdain for Matt predates Caryn quite a bit.

You assume Caryn was the first, I don't.

The early days when Amy was working three jobs so her kids wouldn't starve while Mike acted as father figure to her youngest? All because Matt was busy with his "projects" and out drinking with his friends, when he considered soending time with his kids ( except Jer when Matt could use him as labor) a waste. I think it's a miracle she didn't kill him in his sleep.

And Matt pandered to the audience from day one for sympathy. Every talking head was constructed to pull pity.

[SunnyBeBe]

When the show started, Matt was being rushed off to the airport to fly around the world working for a corporation, carrying his gear,barely able to reach connections, struggling in pain, etc.  It seemed rather cruel to me and I wondered why he wasn't on disability and not working a job that required a lot of physical stamina.  But, he was very motivated, despite having his head bitten off all the time AND was so enthused about the farm, which he believed held the key to their future.  All the while Amy was dissing his dreams, calling him a loser and nay saying as much as possible.  I suppose that Amy regrets that now, but, it's water under the bridge.  Amy seemed to enjoy LOTS of the things the farm and TLC (also Matt's brainchild) money that was brought to the family.  And, she hasn't had to worry about money in a long time. Even Amy says Matt has always been a good provider.   And, as far as alcohol.....Amy doesn't shy away from it either.  lol 

[Jeanne222]

5 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

When the show started, Matt was being rushed off to the airport to fly around the world working for a corporation, carrying his gear,barely able to reach connections, struggling in pain, etc.  It seemed rather cruel to me and I wondered why he wasn't on disability and not working a job that required a lot of physical stamina.  But, he was very motivated, despite having his head bitten off all the time AND was so enthused about the farm, which he believed held the key to their future.  All the while Amy was dissing his dreams, calling him a loser and nay saying as much as possible.  I suppose that Amy regrets that now, but, it's water under the bridge.  Amy seemed to enjoy LOTS of the things the farm and TLC (also Matt's brainchild) money that was brought to the family.  And, she hasn't had to worry about money in a long time. Even Amy says Matt has always been a good provider.   And, as far as alcohol.....Amy doesn't shy away from it either.  lol 

And while mat t was working his ass off Any was supposed to be raising responsible children that knew how to clean up after themselves and get educated.

Amy failed miserably with those three boys!

But of course there are those who will say it's Matt's fault for not doing that too!

I remember times when he tried but Amy showed her ugly side and he backed off!

We now see Jeremy, Zack and Jacob doing nothing and along with Amy living off of Matt's hard work and vision!

[AZChristian]

4 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

When the show started, Matt was being rushed off to the airport to fly around the world working for a corporation, carrying his gear,barely able to reach connections, struggling in pain, etc.  It seemed rather cruel to me and I wondered why he wasn't on disability and not working a job that required a lot of physical stamina.  But, he was very motivated, despite having his head bitten off all the time AND was so enthused about the farm, which he believed held the key to their future.  All the while Amy was dissing his dreams, calling him a loser and nay saying as much as possible.  I suppose that Amy regrets that now, but, it's water under the bridge.  Amy seemed to enjoy LOTS of the things the farm and TLC (also Matt's brainchild) money that was brought to the family.  And, she hasn't had to worry about money in a long time. Even Amy says Matt has always been a good provider.   And, as far as alcohol.....Amy doesn't shy away from it either.  lol 

Thank you for summarizing how I've felt.  Maybe it's because Amy's personality mirrors that of She Who Gave Birth To Me, but I have NEVER really liked her. 

Matt seemed to try to think up birthday and anniversary gifts that he thought Amy would like (having her shadow a B&B owner over the weekend they spent there for their anniversary).  Amy had mentioned that a B&B might be a good idea for the farm after the kids left.  As soon as Amy saw the owner making beds, she asked her "Don't you have people who do that?"  The owner said, "If the employees don't show up, the beds still need to be made."  At that second, you could see that Amy (who we never saw make a bed in her own home) lost interest in the idea of the B&B.  

At one point, Matt was staying home and running the farm, but then said that Amy told him he needed to get back out on the road to earn more money.  So there he was on his little scooter, moving through the airport.  And this was not too long before his neck surgery.

Is Matt perfect?  Nope.  But Amy seemed to be not very nice to him (and set an example for how their kids should interact with him).  Hubby and I have been married almost 55 years.  If one of us was in a wheelchair or on crutches (as each of us has been following injuries or surgery), the other one KEPT THE HOUSE PICKED UP to facilitate safe movement.  Matt asked Amy to eliminate some of the clutter (especially in the living room/kitchen), and she snapped at him.  He offered to hire a cleaning service, and she went ballistic.

If I had to choose one of them to hang out with, I'd probably choose Matt.

[TwirlyGirly]

2 hours ago, AZChristian said:

<snip>

Amy had mentioned that a B&B might be a good idea for the farm after the kids left.  As soon as Amy saw the owner making beds, she asked her "Don't you have people who do that?"  The owner said, "If the employees don't show up, the beds still need to be made."  At that second, you could see that Amy (who we never saw make a bed in her own home) lost interest in the idea of the B&B.  <snip>

Even running a small B&B is a lot of work.

My sister & BIL ran a small B&B in Mystic, CT for about 30 years. One single bedroom with a queen bed and adjacent bath with a Jacuzzi tub, and a two-bedroom suite (one room with a full-size bed connected by a bath w/shower to a second bedroom with a twin bed).

During high season, they were booked every weekend.

My sister didn't employ any help, but every Monday the beds had to be stripped and the linens and towels washed and dried then the beds had to be remade. All three rooms and the two bathrooms had to be scrubbed down and restocked. Not to mention on the weekends when guests were there, beds made and dirty towels picked up and replaced and rooms tidied up, along with cooking and serving a full breakfast and cleaning up after that. 

They also had guests during the week (although not as frequently as on weekends, AFAIK).

All this to say running a successful B&B is a lot of work, much of it backbreaking (if you have to run up and down stairs, for example, to launder the linens, drag the vacuum around, etc.) PLUS providing a tasty breakfast.

You can't just put out a bunch of boxes of cereal, a gallon of milk, bowls, and spoons, and call it a day. B&Bers expect Pinterest-worthy breakfasts, so if you want good reviews you have to deliver.

No. Amy could not have handled it. And I'm on Team Amy (I can't stand Matt), but running a B&B is not something I think Amy could do. Her notoriety from the show would only take the business so far, but would not guarantee long-term success.

[funky-rat]

Honestly, if my husband gave me a birthday gift of job shadowing, I would not be happy.  I don't like to appear ungrateful, but to me, that's not a gift.  It's work.  Unpaid work.  Thankfully he wouldn't do that.  He did, however, buy me hockey cards one year (like baseball cards).  I was kind and said nothing.  Then Christmas came.  He bought me hockey action figures.  I was kind, but asked him to please not do that again.  To be fair, they were my favorite player, but still......  A wise person told me to speak up kindly, because I can't expect them to know it wasn't something I wanted unless I spoke my mind, but again, to be kind because they tried.  I don't need something fancy.  One year, in the depths of a mental illness episode and unable to think clearly, he found himself at Barnes & Noble.  He told the clerk I liked Grumpy Cat.  He gave me a Grumpy Cat book.  I was very happy.  He tried, and he found a way to get me something I liked.

Same with a gift of an organizer.  I, like Amy, am not the best housekeeper.  I have dyslexia and OCD, and I am not great at organization, and get overwhelmed easily.  I learned to do better by watch TV shows like Clean House, Youtube videos, asking friends, etc.  Had my husband brought someone into my house that was already cluttered and unkempt, I would be horribly embarrassed, and spend the time thinking about how to not harm him in his sleep.  He would also get asked why he couldn't help keep the house up (especially if we had 4 kids) if he was so unhappy.  And I would feel that I was being judged the entire time.  I WOULD be OK with a session with an organizer but not in my home.  Where I could go and address specific issues I had, and what I've tried that doesn't work, but not have to have them see my mess in all of it's glory.  However, again, to me that's not a gift.  It's closer to work than a gift.

To me, it just says that Matt really never "knew" Amy.  My husband struggles with gift buying (always has - I've given him lists - sometimes with photos), but he at least knows what I like, and what I don't.  And would never gift me work.  I have a high-stress job.  He knows better.

[AZChristian]

1 hour ago, funky-rat said:

Honestly, if my husband gave me a birthday gift of job shadowing, I would not be happy.  I don't like to appear ungrateful, but to me, that's not a gift.  It's work.  Unpaid work.  

/snip/

Same with a gift of an organizer.  I, like Amy, am not the best housekeeper.  I have dyslexia and OCD, and I am not great at organization, and get overwhelmed easily.  I learned to do better by watch TV shows like Clean House, Youtube videos, asking friends, etc.  

I don't think the shadowing "gift" was designed to make Amy work.  Amy had expressed an interest in turning the farmhouse in a B&B after the kids were gone.  With that in mind, Matt made reservations for them to stay at a B&B for their anniversary so she could see how a B&B is run.  He had also arranged for the owner to spend some time with Amy answering her questions, etc.  But then, as it turned out, the housekeeper didn't show up, so the owner had to talk to Amy while she was changing sheets, etc.  Amy seemed surprised that the owner had to do that sort of thing, but the owner explained, "When the staff doesn't show up, it's my responsibility to do their job."  Amy never mentioned the B&B again (as far as I can remember).

I also have OCD, but it manifests itself in hyper-organization.  I cannot stand clutter.  Have you ever watched Marie Kondo on Netflix?  She's awesome for organization and storage ideas.  Hubby will even look at some of his older (tighter) clothes and ask, "Does this spark joy?  No?  Out with it!"

Edited July 19, 2019 by AZChristian